Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded ?

There was nothing left but de brie

My daughter called to tell me she saw a man driving a fast car made of macaroni and cheese.

She was doing 80 in a Honda and he was driving pasta.
E: my first (I think) original dad joke. Don’t slaughter me

Everything is better with cheese

Macaroni? Good.
Macaroni and Cheese? Gouda.

I was waiting in line at the cheese counter at the local grocery store today when I had to fart.

After ripping a silent one the guy in front of me asks the lady behind the counter which cheese smells such aromatically.

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages.

They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.

You know why jokes about chips with cheese on them are the best ?

They're NACHO JOKES !

What did the teacher do with her students reports on the history of cheese?

She graded them

I was walking in the street the other day and a man threw a block of cheese at me

I said to him 'That's mature'

Then he threw a pint of milk at me and I thought, How dairy.

Which cheese is always compliant with social distancing?

Provolone

I made a joke about cheese...

Let’s just say it didn’t age well...

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory in France?

De-brie was everywhere.

Following the incident the owner of the factory, monseuir francois was asked his thoughts in an interview.

He merely said

"ehh-Damn!"

Did you hear about the blind guy who got a cheese grater for Christmas?

Said it was the most violent book he’d ever read

Last night rioters destroyed the famous Etampes Cheese Market in Paris

All that was left was de-Brie

A ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar

It sits itself down, but when the bartender saw the sandwich, he said "sorry, but we don't serve food here".

People ask whether I’ll make cheese in my afterlife. I tell them,

“There’s no whey in hell.”

What kind if cheese gos around a castle?

Moatzzarella!

Unlike parmesan cheese

Edam is made backwards

Why did the vegans go to the wine and cheese event

Because they wanted to wine about the cheese

Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today

It was buy one get one brie

France's's National Cheese Museum just blew up

Over five hundred people were injured by de brie

My friend stole cheese from my cheese collection

How dairy

We need to ban pre shredded cheese...

Make America grate again.

What did the cheese say to the spaghetti?

I'm gonna touch you. Do I have your parmesan?

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese

But it's only mild

Archimedes wasn't just known for inventing his many inventions. He's also considered to have invented the first insult when talking to his brother who was a cheese maker after discovering a early form of lindburger cheese....

He simply stated, You reeka!

907kg of cheese isn't going anywhere.

It's Stilton.

What do you call a cow made out of cheese?

Moozzarella

Illinois has corn, Wisconsin has cheese, what does Michigan have?

Lead poisoning.

When I was a boy, my Momma would send me down to the store with $1 and I'd come home with 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, 1/2 a pound of cheese, pack of tea and 6 eggs.

You can't do that now.



Too many security cameras

What is Godzilla’s favorite cheese?

Gorgonzilla

Have you heard about the South African man who went to Greece and would only eat cheese?

He got Feta and Feta and Feta.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

What do you call a cheese rapper?

Prov Malone.

A man gives his blind friend a cheese-grater

A man gives his blind friend a cheese-grater for Christmas, meets him in January and asks if he liked his present.  ‘No’, the friend replied, “I tried to read it but it was just too violent.

Man: Can I have a number 4 with cheese?

Librarian: Sir, this is a library.

Man: Oh, right. Sorry.

Man: (whispers) Can I please have a number 4 with cheese?

What did the virus say to the cheese?

I can be spread too.


Stay safe! :D

A man was in the supermarket buying snacks for lunchtime when he saw a new babybel cheese with multi-colour wax.

The type of cheese wasn't labelled but he decided to try it anyway and found he really liked it. However, he couldn't decipher what cheese it was so he bought another one the next day.

The next day he yet again enjoyed it but still couldn't figure out what it was. His friend said he liked c...

Republicans are trying to put an ammendment into relief bill to outlaw prepackaged shredded cheese...

...in an attempt to make America grate again.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor says, “you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.” “Will that cure me?” the patient asks.

“Well, no,” the doctor replies, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.”

A man storms into a bakery and says "I want to make a complaint! This muffin is mouldy and tastes like cheese!"

The baker rolls his eyes and says "well, you did ask for a blue brie muffin."

Did you notice that when the animatronics bear from Chucky Cheese went missing

Joe Biden announced his run for the Presidency??

Did you know that music is often used to help advance in the fermentation of cheese.

The most popular genre in use today is R & Brie.

Being addicted to cheese

Is emmental condition.

What kind of cheese thinks it’s a princess?

Mozzarella

Which is the most religious cheese?

Swiss, because it is holy.

What did the man say when he got lost in a cheese factory?

"Excuse me sir, can you show me the whey?"

Hear about the Cheese Secret Society trying to take over the world?

Hallouminati confirmed.

If Jesus made cheese what would he be called?

Cheesus

As told to me by a very proud junior hamster who probably won't understand the hit my karma will take for sharing their joke.

What is Buddah's favorite type of cheese?

Gouddah

Someone hit me in the head with a block of cheese

Man that really rinds my ears.

The very last thing my dad said to me before he died was 'You need one of those things that you can shred cheese with'...

That was some grate advice.

There are two plates of cheese on the table, one of which belongs to you and one of which belongs to your friend. He offers you the cheddar. Should you take it?

Yes, because the other plate is nacho cheese!

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

Why did the cheese get promoted?

He was gouda his job

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.

I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

How do Welsh people eat hot cheese?

Caerphilly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men and a wheel of cheese

Two men and a wheel of cheese (Long)

*** This joke is better said than read, but imagine the accents and it’s funny as heck (I think at least...)

A Mexican man is down on how luck. His hours were cut at work so he is having trouble making ends meet. Because he’s a man of faith, he de...

What do you call a cheese maker that works very hard?

An overacheeser

What do you call people who worship cheese?

Brielievers

A new hired cheese maker wasn't sure if he was adding enough cream. So he asked his boss.

His boss replied, "That's gouda nuff"

Have you heard of the cheese killer?

He will tear you limb from Limburger. And even if you dodge him once, he will Brie back!

I'm allergic to soft cheese.

It doesn't abrie with my stomach.

Trump just banned the import of any European cheese into America

How dairy.

What did the pasta say to the cheese?

Grate to meet you!

A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender ...

Europe is like a fridge

You have the freezing cold part at the top


Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection


Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease

My friends have started a podcast where they argue about their cheese opinions

It's called "k......so?"

What do you call a lump of cheese that likes milk?

A feta pile!

What kind of French cheese is best for beckoning a grizzly?

Camembert
.
.
.
.
.
(Try saying it in a French accent)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks in to a brothel and puts $1000 down on the table. He then says to the madame "I want your ugliest girl and macaroni and cheese."

The madame replies "for that kind of money, you can have one of our finest girls and a three course gourmet meal." The guy replies "Sorry honey, I'm not horny, just home sick."

What do Swiss Cheese and Jesus Christ have in common?

They are both very **holey**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like my sex the same way I like my grilled cheese sandwiches [NSFW]

Alone and all over the bed.

A bear walks into a restaurant.

A bear walks into a restaurant. He tells his waiter, "I want a grilled …. cheese." The waiter says, "What's with the pause?"

"Whaddya mean?" the bear replies. "I'm a *bear*!"

A lady came into work today.

And she purchased an energy drink and a pie.

I said “so just the drink and the mince and cheese pie?”

She said “no, actually it’s a steak and cheese pie.”

And to that I said “oh sorry, my misSteak and cheese”

My mis STEAK... and cheese.

I’m telling everyone

What do you call it when someone borrows money to buy cheese?

A Provo-loan

I don't have anything I can use to shred my cheese

But if I did that'd be grate

A man comes home will a big block of Swiss cheese.

He tells his family he brought cheese so they could make nachos for dinner.

His oldest son, who is kind of a know-it-all, says, "Dad, you brought the wrong kind of cheese."

His dad replies, "Really, the guy I stole it from specifically said, 'That's nacho cheese!'"

What is Donald Trump's favorite type of cheese?

White American

I taught my brother how to make his own cheese and now he can't stop!

I created a muenster.

A man was tired of working as a burger-flipper at McDonalds.

All day every day he made Big Macs. And in his head he would list off the ingredients; Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.

Over and over: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, and enticing Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.


The males are speechless before the hottie, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.


Aware of her c...

Somone hit me with a block of cheese yesterday

I turnt arround and said 'That was mature wasn't it? '

What's the difference between a man working in an imitation cheese factory and Freddie Mercury?

The first man wants to fake brie.

I was walking home last night and someone threw a block of cheese out the window and it hit me on the head...

I turned and shouted "That wasn't very mature was it?"

I met Jeffrey Epstein once. It was only a brief interaction, but I can recall that I offered him some cheddar cheese and he didn't like it.

I think it was too mature for him.

Is Edam the best Dutch cheese you can buy?

Or is there a Gouda one?

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