A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

Handjobs [nsfw]

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductivel...

Breaking News: Cheese factory explosion!

De Brie everywhere.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.

Why'd the cheese factory fire the guy with no toes?

They were lack toes intolerant.

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory?

The only thing left was de-brie

How do ducks eat cheese?

On quackers.

What is a pirate's favorite cheese?

CheddARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

I can't stand cheese slices...

...but I respect the Kraft

This guy keeps making cheese jokes...

...how dairy!?

What's Captain Marvel's favorite cheese

Brie.

I went to a cheese factory the other day, but there was a massive explosion.

There was de *brie* everywhere.

​

Sorry, too *cheesy*?

Did you hear cheese companies stopped packaging pre shredded cheese in the USA?

We need to Make America Grate Again

What does cheese say when it looks at itself in the mirror?

Halloumi

I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese.

Part of his plan to make America grate again.

What do they use to make swiss cheese?

Hole milk.

My Italian uncle has recently been hit by a truck full of Mac&cheese

Sadly, he pasta way now

What did the mama cheese say to the mouse?

Please leave Provolone!

"Hello sir would you like to sign this petition in support of the Cheese Act that congress is trying to pass?"

"Yeah sure I'm pro-volone"

I was just walking down the road when someone threw a full block of cheese at me

I told them “That wasn’t very mature was it?”

What did the cheese say to the other when they lost their coffee?

At least we hav ar ti

What’s the difference between America and cheese?

If you leave cheese by itself for 200 years, it grows a culture.

Did you hear about that celebrity who got caught stealing a whole bunch of cheese?

True story, it was Brie Larson.

Have you ever tried shredding cheese yourself?

There is no grater pleasure.

I Have A Addiction To Cheddar Cheese

Don’t Worry, It’s Only Mild

I was in the supermarket the other day

My mum sent me in to get the essentials bread, milk etc.

So I got the bread, sugar, fruit and I made my way done to the milk aisle.

But I saw this old man, throwing cheese and milk everywhere.

I thought, how dairy...

Did you know provolone cheese was recently recognized as the world's loneliest cheese?

Because it's prov olone(alone). Sorry, was that joke a little too cheesy?

I usually say this while making sandwich at work, or now whenever I sell and ice cream sandwich.

Dr. Frankenstein is experimenting with a new monster made with a cheese body.

It's Frankenstein's Muenster.

This kid was throwing cheese at me in the supermarket last night.

I thought, well that's mature.

If you love tortilla chips and cheese,

I'm nacho man

My friend sneaked up behind me, and hit me over the head with a block of cheese

I said “Oh that’s very mature.”

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

What cheese rules the world?

The Hallouminati

Two Cheese Trucks collide on the freeway

De-brie flew everywhere

I like my women like I like my cheese...

Aged, White, and Covered in holes.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sometimes I like to rub cheese all over my body before making love, other times I enjoy eating cheese during sex.

Guess you could say they're my feta-shes.

What cheese lives in a small house?

Cottage cheese

What cheese is made backwards?

Edam

If Steve jobs invented mac, did he also invent cheese?

(an actual original joke)

I cut my mouth on cheese.

My wife must've bought the extra sharp cheddar.

There is an initiative...

There is an initiative by the US government and the American Dairy Counsel that cheese needs to be sold only in block form. By doing this we could make America Grate Again.

So, there I was buying cheese in a deli.

Me: what would you recommend?

Deli person: *describing cheeses*
Mozzarella is smooth and melts well.

Me: sounds good .

Deli person: cheddar is good for sandwiches if you're looking for a sharp tang.

Me: awesome, noted.

Deli person: Pepper Jack is like Monterey ...

I once asked a cheese maker if there was any way he could make me a block of cheddar using soy milk.

Hey said, "I'm sorry, but there's no whey."

The cheese industry is led by an illusive, secret cabal

They're called the Hallouminati

What's a basketball player's favourite kind of cheese?

Swissh

How many vegans does it take to eat a cheese and bacon burger?

One as long as noone is watching.

A cheese factory exploded recently..

...Unfortunately, nothing could be salvaged except for de-brie.

You probably know how most cheese is produced, and the steps taken to make the different varieties of cheese,

but did you know Edam is made backwards?

My local Trump-supporting grocery store has stopped selling all pre-shredded cheeses

... they want to make America grate again

When I was of 6, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $10 and I would get 5 bags of potato chips, 2 loaves of bread, 3 pack of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs.

You can't do that now, too many damn security cameras!

I like my jokes like I like my Chuck E Cheese pizza.

Recycled.

What kind of cheese can you use to hide a tiny horse?

Mascarpone.

What is a KKK member’s favorite cheese?

White American

I just got attacked by someone with milk and cheese

How dairy.

Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity?

Yea that's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

How do you turn milk into cheese?

Put it in solid dairy confinement.

I was walking down the street when a group of kids threw a block of cheese off me, they burst into laughter and I yelled

“That’s not mature is it”

A cheese walks into a bar...

...the Barman says we don’t serve your rind in here.

I was hanging out with my friend from Mexico the other day and he asked me how runny I like my cottage cheese.

I told him "No whey, Jose"

Say “cheese.”

Person I just met: So, what do you do for a living?

Me: I take professional headshots.

Person: Oh, you’re a photographer?

Me: (tucks sniper rifle behind my back) No, not exactly...

What's a cheese race called?

A grand bree

Why do Germans fear getting cheese in their hotdogs?

Because for them it's considered to be a Wurst-Käse scenario.

I told my friend the secret cheese joke

He said "that's a Gouda one"

I had a job where I had to put shredded cheese back together

It was the most de-grating job I've ever had.

Two guys are walking down the street in Florida and they see a sign outside a bar that says "10 cent Martinis" and they decide to go in. They don't believe it, but decide to order anyway. The bartender makes two large Belvedere martinis with blue cheese olives and says "That will be 20 cents."

The two guys can't believe it, but drink up and order again. While the bartender is making the drinks, they ask him "How can you afford to do this?" The bartender responds, "I always wanted to own a bar where people could drink cheaply and then I won the lottery." One of the patrons responded, "That...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into the bar and sees a sign: Handjob: $5 Cheese sandwich: $2

He walks over to the bartender, a big boobied blonde, and asks,

“Are you the one giving out handjobs?”

“Why yes I am!”, she replied, smiling and sticking out her chest.

“Okay,” he said. “Now wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich!”

I was caught breaking into a cheese factory with a lock pick and a large stone.

The guard that caught me said "I get the lock pick but what's the Roquefort?"

[BREAKING NEWS] A bomb has just exploded in a Paris cheese shop.

Eyewitnesses report there is currently de Brie all over the place.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call nacho cheese that isn’t yours?

Wait... crap... let me try that again.

What’s Medusa’s favorite cheese?

Gorgonzola.

I like my women like I like my pizza cheese

Greased up and extra thick.

My dad compared his relationship with my mom to cheese

He said it's slowly degrating.

Which Star Wars character is obsessed with cheese?

Boba Feta.

What is the only cheese allowed at the Vatican?

Swiss, it's holy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:

Hamburger - 2.99

Cheeseburger - 3.99

Chicken Sandwich - 4.99

Hand Jobs - 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at th...

What did the yoghurt say to the cheese?

Ah, I see you’re a man of culture as well.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms ...

How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?

On a queso by queso basis.

What do they call a Royal With Cheese in America?

A State Dinner

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After the war, Anne Frank went on to become a very successful farmer. She became famous for producing all sorts of goods including milk, cheese, and the most amazing butter.

It was the Dairy of Anne Frank.

I was in my house last night, and at around midnight I heard a smash. I ran downstairs and someone had thrown a block of cheese through my window....

Looked at it and thought, that's mature

Two cheeses are walking through the woods when they hear a spooky sound. One cheese turns to the other and shouts...

Ricotta g-ouda here!!!

A vegan was flying to Germany and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: sausage and cheese.

It was a Wurst-Käse scenario.

I tried making French cheese

But I failed. The cows had been given too many antibrieotics ...

What do I have in common with processed cheese?

We're both Singles.

My worst joke ever told

What do you call the fallout of a cheese nuke? Debrie.

Which cheese is made backwards?

Edam is, naturally enough!

​

(shoot him Kurt)

I’ve got to get into shape for my new job as a cheese grater.

I’ve got to get shredded.