Did you hear Trump wants to ban pre-shredded cheese?

He wants to Make America Grate Again.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

What do you call an empty jar of Cheese Whiz?

Cheese Wuz

I was walking home last night and someone threw a block of cheese out the window and it hit me on the head...

I turned and shouted "That wasn't very mature was it?"

I met Jeffrey Epstein once. It was only a brief interaction, but I can recall that I offered him some cheddar cheese and he didn't like it.

I think it was too mature for him.

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

What’s Medusa’s favourite cheese?

Gorgonzola.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that burned down?

All that was left was de-brie.

A bear walked into a restaurant and looks at the waiter and says “I’d like a grilled ................cheese.”.

The waiter said, “what’s with the big pause?”.

He said, “I’m a bear!”

What is the oldest known story about cheese?

The one of Edam and Eve

What do you call mythical cheese?

Legend dairy

I had my first interview for a cheese company

I think it went grate

What’s the best type of cheese in the upside down?

Demogorgonzola

My flirtatious neighbor called me and said that she bought too many zucchinis and ended up making two cheese and zucchini pies. She said I was welcome to come over and take one, and she also had some left over herbs that I could have.

So I went over, and she told she had just finished reading a Cosmo article called "which traffic sign are you?"



"Which traffic sign would your ideal woman be?" she asked me seductively.



I said " Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra t...

What do you call smart cheese ?

sharp cheddar

Blind man and cheese grater

A blind guy gets a cheese grater as a present for his birthday.

A few weeks later he met the person who gifted it to him.

He says "I loved the book you got me for my birthday,but it was really violent!"

Did you hear about the cheese factory that caught fire?

the only thing that was left was da brie...

What did the teacher do with her students' report on the history of cheese?

She grated it.

Stevie wonder bought a cheese grater...

Said it's the most violent book he's ever read

I made a frozen pizza this morning. I took off the shrink wrap on the pizza and noticed it had some small holes in it where the frozen cheese had stabbed through.

That was some sharp cheddar.

How many vegans does it take to eat a cheese and bacon burger?

One, if noone is watching.

Be very careful if someone offers you fries, gravy, and cheese curds with raspberries on top.

I’ve heard of people trying to poison raspoutine.

Don’t let anyone insult the quality of your cheese.

You can always make it grate.

My new girlfriend has a fetish for being covered in cheese and pickle.

She's a cracker.

There's only one way the US is going to be able to redeem themselves after this presidency, and that's to outlaw the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

Make America grate again.

What did the cheese say when it's kid got bad grades?

I'm ***grate***ly disappointed.

Handjobs [nsfw]

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductivel...

There was once a cheese factory. One day however, a fire broke out and the factory was desteoyed.

There was alot of De Brie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

500$ Grilled Cheese Sandwich

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my...

Did you hear cheese and meat sales have gone up in India?

Apparently there is a New Delhi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend sprinkles Greek cheese on her poop.

I really NEED to tell my girlfriend ,I’m not into her fetashits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life is getting pretty dull, so I've decided to eat nothing but Swiss cheese

I just need more 'holy shit' in my life

What’s the difference between Switzerland and America?

In Switzerland, the cheese is filled with holes


In America, the kids are

I was surprised to learn the most common method of suicide in France was throwing a toaster in a bathtub filled with cheese enzymes.

It was quite a culture shock.

The waiter came by and grated cheese for me

I told him I was grateful

I drove to my local church to donate cheese to their food shelf.

Jesus take the wheel.

Why'd the cheese factory fire the guy with no toes?

They were lack toes intolerant.

Medusa makes cheese nowadays

Gorgonzola

I tried cooking mac and cheese last week

The Apple Store are still refusing to fix my laptop

An Asylum Seeker has been found dead in a cheese vat.

Police are unsure of his nationality but say he looks Kurdish.

Did you hear about that celebrity who got caught stealing a whole bunch of cheese?

True story, it was Brie Larson.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the most grate-ful Japanese cheese called?

Arrigato kerrygold.

What is a pirate's favorite cheese?

CheddARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

How do ducks eat cheese?

On quackers.

I can't stand cheese slices...

...but I respect the Kraft

What does cheese say when it looks at itself in the mirror?

Halloumi

This guy keeps making cheese jokes...

...how dairy!?

Thanks to the innovative and powerful cheese grater design of the new mac pro...

...People can finally become Mac Cook Pros

What's Captain Marvel's favorite cheese

Brie.

What’s the difference between America and cheese?

If you leave cheese by itself for 200 years, it grows a culture.

What do they use to make swiss cheese?

Hole milk.

"Hello sir would you like to sign this petition in support of the Cheese Act that congress is trying to pass?"

"Yeah sure I'm pro-volone"

There was an explosion at a French cheese factory earlier today

Officials say theres nothing but de brie left.

I went to a cheese factory the other day, but there was a massive explosion.

There was de *brie* everywhere.



Sorry, too *cheesy*?

What did the mama cheese say to the mouse?

Please leave Provolone!

Dr. Frankenstein is experimenting with a new monster made with a cheese body.

It's Frankenstein's Muenster.

I Have A Addiction To Cheddar Cheese

Don’t Worry, It’s Only Mild

I cut my mouth on cheese.

My wife must've bought the extra sharp cheddar.

What did the cheese say to the other when they lost their coffee?

At least we hav ar ti

What cheese rules the world?

The Hallouminati

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

My Italian uncle has recently been hit by a truck full of Mac&cheese

Sadly, he pasta way now

My friend sneaked up behind me, and hit me over the head with a block of cheese

I said “Oh that’s very mature.”

Two Cheese Trucks collide on the freeway

De-brie flew everywhere

This kid was throwing cheese at me in the supermarket last night.

I thought, well that's mature.

Did you hear the one about the blind man and his cheese grater?

He said it was the most painful thing he had ever read.

If you love tortilla chips and cheese,

I'm nacho man

I was in the supermarket the other day

My mum sent me in to get the essentials bread, milk etc.

So I got the bread, sugar, fruit and I made my way done to the milk aisle.

But I saw this old man, throwing cheese and milk everywhere.

I thought, how dairy...

What is cream cheese's favorite part of a wedding

The Toast

What high school dance do cheese go to?

Promesan.

My local Trump-supporting grocery store has stopped selling all pre-shredded cheeses

... they want to make America grate again

If Steve jobs invented mac, did he also invent cheese?

(an actual original joke)

So, there I was buying cheese in a deli.

Me: what would you recommend?

Deli person: *describing cheeses*
Mozzarella is smooth and melts well.

Me: sounds good .

Deli person: cheddar is good for sandwiches if you're looking for a sharp tang.

Me: awesome, noted.

Deli person: Pepper Jack is like Monterey ...

What cheese lives in a small house?

Cottage cheese

A cheese factory exploded recently..

...Unfortunately, nothing could be salvaged except for de-brie.

The cheese industry is led by an illusive, secret cabal

They're called the Hallouminati

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes I like to rub cheese all over my body before making love, other times I enjoy eating cheese during sex.

Guess you could say they're my feta-shes.

There is an initiative...

There is an initiative by the US government and the American Dairy Counsel that cheese needs to be sold only in block form. By doing this we could make America Grate Again.

I once asked a cheese maker if there was any way he could make me a block of cheddar using soy milk.

Hey said, "I'm sorry, but there's no whey."

What's a basketball player's favourite kind of cheese?

Swissh

You probably know how most cheese is produced, and the steps taken to make the different varieties of cheese,

but did you know Edam is made backwards?

What is a KKK member’s favorite cheese?

White American

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