The 87+ Best Cheese Jokes

What do you call a line up of dudes picking up mozzarella cheese

A cheesy pickup line

Sweet dreams are made of cheese

Who am I to diss-a-Brie? I cheddar the world and the feta cheese, everybody’s looking for Stilton.

I was assaulted by a man with a block of cheese.

I mean, how dairy!

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

My uncle was injured in an explosion at the cheese factory today.

He was hit by a chunk of da Brie

Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded ?

There was nothing left but de brie

There I was at the supermarket, minding my own business, when a man out of nowhere came up and threw a whole block of cheese at me!

Real mature.

My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese.

We tried to warn him.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

In a freak accident, a wedding photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheese landed on her.

To be fair though, the wedding party did try to warn her.

What’s the worst kind of cheese?

Click here for answer: >!Ou!<cheese

What's the difference between America and cheese?

If left for a while, cheese develops culture.

Which cheese is made backwards?

Edam

A bomb just went off in a paris cheese shop

There is de brie everywhere!

Is it possible to kill someone with a piece of Cheddar cheese?

Yes, but only if it's extra sharp.

I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"

But it's just a curd to me

I was once served a grilled cheese sandwich in Switzerland and it was too hot to eat and I injured myself.

I had to go to the Bern ward...

I've just been to the shortest ever celebration of cheese.

It was the briefest.

What do you call it when a group of cheeses start fighting?

A fromage fray.

What did the cheese do when it got unwanted pregnancy?

She got a boursin.

What's a pirate's favorite cheese?

Jarrrrrlsberg

After several visits to the doctor's I've finally been referred to rehab for spending all my days smoking drugs and looking up jokes about cheese.

Hopefully I can kick my addiction to meth and feta memes.

I have just bought myself a new cheese grater

Must say, grate things came out of this.

(edit - sorry for the cheesy joke)

Why don't Mandalorians eat cheese curds?

It is not the whey.

What kind of cheese did OceanGate serve on its sub?

The Brie

Why can’t vampires eat Swiss cheese?

Because it’s holey

My 8 year old just told me this one…

Why was the cheese so sad?

It was provolonely

I was waking down the street today and a man attacked me with milk and cheese

How dairy!

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.

Germany is telling its citizens to stock up on sausages and cheese as fear of COVID grows.

It's the wurst-kase scenario

What is Medusa's favorite type of cheese?

Gorgonzola

What did Din Djarin say when he was making cheese.

This is the whey

Din Djarin and Obi Wan were making cheese...

Din Djarin poured in some rennet, and when the milk coagulated, he separated and removed the curd from the large vat.

Obi Wan, unfamiliar with the process, pointed to the bottom of the vat and asked what was it that remained?

The Mandalorian said..."This is the whey..."

Sorry.

With everything so expensive this year, it could be just German sausage and cheese for Christmas dinner.

But that's a Wurst-Käse scenario.

What do you call a well behaved dog that loves cheese?

A Gouda-Boy.

I'll take a 6 inch Meatball marinara on Italian herbs and cheese please

Actually, make it a 6 inch Spicy Italian on Herbs and cheese.

[EDIT] Sorry, wrong sub

Someone told me they could tell better cheese puns than me.

I told him to leave the provalone.

How do you get a bear out of a cheese shop?

Come on, bear!

How do you hide a horse in a cheese shop?
Mask a pony

Apparently loads of people turned away from voting for Trump coz he wanted to ban shredded cheese

He wanted to Make America Grate again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks directly up to the Madam, drops down $500, and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’,...

What do you call a mandalorian who loves cheese?

Feta Bob

Why did the Italian cheese maker join a dating app?

He was provolonely.

What did the dad with milk sensitivities say to the waiter at a Mexican restaurant when asked if he wanted cheese with his taco?

No whey, Jose.

It is cloudy and snowing outside, and I just realized I ate the last piece of cheese in the fridge.

Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone.

Yesterday I found myself next to a Hollywood celebrity at a grocery store. Both of us were staring at the cream cheese section.

I was …..watching Philadelphia with Tom Hanks.

Why didn’t the little boy eat the cheese?

He was scared of Muensters.

I informed my Mexican friend that I had eaten their leftover cheese.

They replied, "K, so?"

I used to have a job assembling tiny pieces of cheese.

It was degrating.

A woman wanted to buy a bagel with cream cheese at my deli.

I told her we only take cash or card.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Making a block of cheese out of scrap is horrible.

It is absolutely de-grating.

What do you get when you cross a rock'n'roller with a triangle of cheese spread?

DairyLea Lewis

My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger.

It was mine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats good on pizza but not on pussy?

crust.

edit: yall keep making better jokes in the comments LMAO

possible answers : red sauce, white sauce, yeast, cheese, senior discount (wtf), crabs, hot sauce, mushrooms. damn yall are just funnier than me lol

A cheese sandwich walks into a pub.

The landlord says, "Sorry, we don't serve food"

You know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in Russia?

A wish.

I had a job where I had to put shredded cheese back together

It was the most degrating job I've ever had.

what is a cheese's favourite Elton John song?

I'm Stilton standing!

Why are turks bad at making cheese?

They never let the kurds separate.

People who don’t eat cheese because they are lactose intolerant…

…need to learn to be more accepting of different cultures

A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me.

So I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.

I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

What did the man say to the thief stealing his cheese?

Stop stealing my cheese

I cut my mouth on cheese.

My wife must've bought the extra sharp cheddar.

Them: What if Medusa turned you to cheese instead of stone?

Me, an intellectual: Ah yes, Gorgonzola

What’s a cheese’s favorite guitarist?

Curd Cobain

A cheese sandwich is better than complete happiness

Because nothing is better than complete happiness, and a cheese sandwich is better than nothing.

Many years ago I knew a man who's love for God was matched only by his love of dipping meat into melted cheese.

That's right, he was a Christian fonduementalist.

If Spanish explorers had cheese dip

Do you think thy would be called the Con Quesodores?

how do you approach an angry Welsh cheese?

Caerphilly

What kind of milk is used to make Swiss cheese?

Hole milk

I was in the library once when a man walked in asking for some ham and cheese.

The librarian politely told him that he was in a library.

The man first apologized and then whispered to the librarian, "Can I please have some ham and cheese?"

My wife said she would divorce me if I didn't stop my cheese related puns.

It's no fondue be married to such a Munster anyways.

what’s it called when someone who’s lactose intolerant still likes eating cheese?

BrieDSM

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm the toughest.

Three mice are drinking at a bar talking about which one is the toughest. The first mouse takes a shot and says "I'm so tough the people living in my house put rat poison out, and I simply grab it, break it up, and put it in my morning coffee!"

The second mouse takes a shot and says "That's n...

Which guy does cheese always root for?

Volone. The cheese is provolone.

Why do vegans often look miserable in photos?

They don’t like to say ‘cheese’

Customer: I would like to buy a bagel with cream cheese

Waiter: I'm sorry we only accept cash.

I went to a cheese making factory

They talked about a special kind of milk that they used that produced only curds.

I was like "no whey!!"

What's the difference between Chuck E. Cheese and Russia?

One is a dark, dank hole, lead by a flea infested disease carrying incontinent rodent giving cheap prizes for worthless tokens.

The other sells pizza to children

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to Greek cheese?

A Feta-shist

There was a gas line explosion at the cheese shop in my town

Debrie was everywhere.

A man is in peril, he’s just robbed a cheese shop...

And the police are closing in. From his pockets, he dumps all the Gruyere, all of the Cotswald, all of the Petit Basque. As he flees, chunks of Manchego and Ossau Iraty fly from his pockets... he flings the Roquefort, but it breaks up in his pocket and is sticky... he can’t get it out. He is stuck, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

What type of cheese will always hurt your tummy?

OUCHIES!!

What's Medusa's favorite cheese?

*Gorgonzola*!

....

OK, I'll show myself out.....

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