When the cheese factory exploded, people found pieces of it miles away

There was de Brie everywhere

Cutting down a tree with a block of cheese is easy.

You just gotta make sure it's extra sharp.

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.

Why are body builders so good at making cheese?

Because they have huge calves

Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for his birthday

He said it's the most violent book he's ever read

A wedding photographer was tragically killed today when a 250lb wheel of cheese fell off the catering lorry and crushed him.

All the guests tried frantically to warn him, but to no avail.

BREAKING NEWS: There was an explosion at the local cheese factory!

Da Brie is everywhere.

A bear walks into a restaurant. He tells his waiter, “I want a grilled ... cheese.”

The waiter says, “What’s with the pause?”

“What do you mean?” The bear replies. “I am a bear!”

Because of his loss in Wisconsin, Trump has put a ban on all shredded cheese.

It's the only way he can make America GRATE again.

Credit to my 12 year old son.

I had a random thought right now: cheese really isn't that great.

It's just a curd to me.

What’s Medusa’s favorite cheese

Gorgonzola

My Canadian friend eats a bowl of fries, cheese curds and brown gravy every single morning.

It's just his daily poutine.

I put way too much cheese in my omelet this morning...

I needed to take a brie-ther afterwards.

If Trump wins a second term he will halt all shredded cheese production.

He is going to make Americans grate again . . .

Some dude just rubbed me down with cocoa powder, espresso, and mascarpone cheese...

Turns out he was a tiramassuse

What do you call cheese made out of clay?

Terracottage cheese!

What cheese is not yours?

Nacho cheese!

Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache...

I guess I’m black toast intolerant.

How does Mr. Miyagi eat his Babybel cheese?

Wax on, or wax off?

Why did the block of cheese run in the US presidential election?

Because he wanted to make America grate again.

I went to grab some cheddar cheese and hurt myself

It was too sharp

My cheese was too kinky

It wanted to be de-grated.

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrig...

I was walking down the street earlier when some guy threw a block of cheese at me

I thought to myself, "That's not very mature."

Why didn't the cheese want to get sliced?

Because it had greater plans.

What’s the spookiest kind of cheese?

Scream cheese.

What type of cheese attracts bears?

Camembert.

Why was the cheese depressed?

Because it was bleu....


I know I know cheesy joke.. but surely we can all agree it was still gouda.

You're not a big cheese person?

Well I hope not, that'd be scary

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham asked Richard Cheese to record an album with their band.

It was called "Fleetwood Mac and Cheese"

Ain’t nobody going to stop me from getting cheese byproduct.

I always get my whey.

A cheese sandwich walks into a bar.

Bartender says, “sorry sir, we don’t serve food here.”

A photographer was badly hurt this morning when a huge block of cheese fell on him.

Everyone posing for the wedding party picture had tried to warn him.

What did the teacher do with her students reports on the history of cheese?

She graded them

Swiss Cheese was recently declared the official cheese of the Catholic Church.

It’s the holiest of cheeses.

I couldn’t decide which joke to recycle for my Blue Cheese Day.

So instead, tell me your best and maybe even... *cheesiest*... joke that you’ve used for your own Blue Cheese Day!!

*Edit: Apparently that’s a* **Cake**. *Damn it. I probably could have found a* sweet *cake joke to use.*

Trump became so controlling that he refused to allow people and restaurants to buy shredded cheese, and as such, companies that shredded cheese got shutdown.

I guess he really did make America grate again.

What do the Dutch do with their cheese?

Edam

I saw a crocodile the other day, but thankfully it only eats cheese.

It's an alligrater.

Join my new national campaign and ban pre-grated cheese.

so we can make Britan grate again

Why did the bread break up with the cheese?

Because she wasn’t Gouda enough for him!

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

Spray Cheese

When you're lactose intolerant all cheese is spray cheese

What type of cheese do you use to attract a Bear?

camembeart

I made a ham & cheese sculpture of Shrek, but it didn't come out too well...

It was a mediocre meaty ogre.

What do they call the Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese.

Why will a car made out of cheese never be street legal?

Because it always has the right of whey.

"It baffles me, that bacteria can thrive, even when being turned into cheese. It seems like a such a hostile environment! Then again...

"Life finds a whey."

I used to be a French cheese nut

But now I camembert it any longer

The political parties can't agree on what a second economic stimulus package should look like. Democrats want every American to receive a $1,200.00 check, while Republicans favor giving everybody 10 pounds of Parmesean cheese.

The GOP wants to "Make America Grate Again".

Everything is better with cheese

Macaroni? Good.
Macaroni and Cheese? Gouda.

Did you hear about the moldy piece of cheese that got fired from his job?

I heard he has been on the chopping block for a while

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

grilled cheese sandwiches.

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my f...

Why do rats run into a trap for a little bit of cheese? They are so stupid.

Oh, honey, I'm home!

My daughter called to tell me she saw a man driving a fast car made of macaroni and cheese.

She was doing 80 in a Honda and he was driving pasta.
E: my first (I think) original dad joke. Don’t slaughter me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
<...

A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me.

So I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

Dumb blond male.

There are three construction workers, a Mexican, an African American & a blond Caucasian. When lunch time comes, the construction workers are sitting on a steel beam 30 stories high about to enjoy their food.

The blond opens his lunchbox and is angered to find yet another bologna &...

I hid some cheese under my bed the other day.

I heard that’s where Munster’s hide

I was waiting in line at the cheese counter at the local grocery store today when I had to fart.

After ripping a silent one the guy in front of me asks the lady behind the counter which cheese smells such aromatically.

Which cheese is always compliant with social distancing?

Provolone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do scrap salvagers like cheese so much?

Because they sort through de-brie to earn some cheddar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

Bless the wife of Richard Cheese

He always wondered why she complained about going down on him.

Went for walk yesterday and a bloke threw a lump of cheese at me.

I thought to myself, well that's not very mature.

I made a joke about cheese...

Let’s just say it didn’t age well...

What do you call cheese stuck up your nose?

A CheeseBooger

Why aren’t more conservatives protesting the sales of pre-shredded cheese?

I thought we were trying to make America grate again.

You know why jokes about chips with cheese on them are the best ?

They're NACHO JOKES !

Last night rioters destroyed the famous Etampes Cheese Market in Paris

All that was left was de-Brie

I won a duel using a block of cheese last week. How you might ask?

It was extra sharp.

People ask whether I’ll make cheese in my afterlife. I tell them,

“There’s no whey in hell.”

I asked my dad why he tells cheesy jokes.

He said, “Like any quality cheese, because ‘mold”.

France's's National Cheese Museum just blew up

Over five hundred people were injured by de brie

My friends started a Podcast where they argue which cheese is the best

It's named "K..... so?"

My friend stole cheese from my cheese collection

How dairy

What did the cheese say to the spaghetti?

I'm gonna touch you. Do I have your parmesan?

What's a demolition expert's favorite cheese?

Debris.

What does the inside of the Mandalorian’s helmet smell like?

Fetta Cheese

Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today

It was buy one get one brie

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory in France?

De-brie was everywhere.

Following the incident the owner of the factory, monseuir francois was asked his thoughts in an interview.

He merely said

"ehh-Damn!"

What’s the difference between a hot girl and a mouse?

One charms the he’s and the other harms the cheese.

What kind if cheese gos around a castle?

Moatzzarella!

Have you heard about the South African man who went to Greece and would only eat cheese?

He got Feta and Feta and Feta.

Illinois has corn, Wisconsin has cheese, what does Michigan have?

Lead poisoning.

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

Despite the Corona virus, sales of cheese and beef have gone way up in India. How?

There is a New Delhi that opened up.

Have you seen that one movie?

A young man grows up in the Dutch mob and works very hard to advance himself through the ranks of cheese making. He enjoys his life of money and luxury, but is oblivious to the horror that he causes. A cheese addiction and a few mistakes ultimately unravel his climb to the top.

I think it's c...

What do you call a cheese rapper?

Prov Malone.

What do you get when it’s your cake day?

A blue cheese,what did you expect?

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.

I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

Archimedes wasn't just known for inventing his many inventions. He's also considered to have invented the first insult when talking to his brother who was a cheese maker after discovering a early form of lindburger cheese....

He simply stated, You reeka!

Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

“My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.” “I know,” says the second owner. “H...

just threw out a bag of shredded cheese.

the label said "since 1904"... there's no way it was still good to eat

Man: Can I have a number 4 with cheese?

Librarian: Sir, this is a library.

Man: Oh, right. Sorry.

Man: (whispers) Can I please have a number 4 with cheese?

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