UPJOKE
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Cheese Jokes

Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded?

There was nothing left but de brie

I was assaulted by a man with a block of cheese.

I mean, how dairy!

Sweet dreams are made of cheese

Who am I to diss-a-Brie? I cheddar the world and the feta cheese, everybody’s looking for Stilton.

Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday...

He said that it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

My uncle was injured in an explosion at the cheese factory today.

He was hit by a chunk of da Brie

What’s the worst kind of cheese?

Click here for answer: >!Ou!<cheese

Which cheese is made backwards?

Edam

I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"

But it's just a curd to me

I'll take a 6 inch Meatball marinara on Italian herbs and cheese please

Actually, make it a 6 inch Spicy Italian on Herbs and cheese.

[EDIT] Sorry, wrong sub

A bomb just went off in a paris cheese shop

There is de brie everywhere!

In a freak accident, a wedding photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheese landed on her.

To be fair though, the wedding party did try to warn her.

My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese.

We tried to warn him.

My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger.

It was mine.

I have just bought myself a new cheese grater

Must say, grate things came out of this.

(edit - sorry for the cheesy joke)

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

Customer: I’d like to buy a bagel with cream cheese

Me: sorry, we only take cash

Manager: can I talk to you

A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me.

So I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

What's a pirate's favorite cheese?

Jarrrrrlsberg

What's the difference between America and cheese?

If left for a while, cheese develops culture.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to Greek cheese?

A Feta-shist

Why do Germans fear hotdogs with cheese?

Because for them, it is a Wurst-Käse scenario.

Is it possible to kill someone with a piece of Cheddar cheese?

Yes, but only if it's extra sharp.

What do you call an empty container of Cheese Whiz?

Cheese Was.

Why don't Mandalorians eat cheese curds?

It is not the whey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

During World War II a French cheese factory was destroyed.

Debris was everywhere.

Archimedes wasn't just known for inventing his many inventions. He's also considered to have invented the first insult when talking to his brother who was a cheese maker after discovering a early form of lindburger cheese....

He simply stated, You reeka!

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.

Why was the cheese depressed?

Because it was bleu....


I know I know cheesy joke.. but surely we can all agree it was still gouda.

Which is the most religious cheese?

Swiss, because it is holy.

This guy keeps making cheese jokes...

...how dairy!?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms ...

Why was the cheese so sad?

It was provolonely

What is Medusa's favorite type of cheese?

Gorgonzola

Why can’t vampires eat Swiss cheese?

Because it’s holey

My 8 year old just told me this one…

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

How does one handle a container of delicate cheeses?

Very Caerphilly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spent £96 on eBay today to buy a cheese grater once owned by Hitler and Saddam Hussein.

It was the grater of two evils.

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.

I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

What do you call it when a group of cheeses start fighting?

A fromage fray.

A wedding photographer was tragically killed today when a 250lb wheel of cheese fell off the catering lorry and crushed him.

All the guests tried frantically to warn him, but to no avail.

The waiter came by and grated cheese for me

I told him I was grateful

What did the cheese do when it got unwanted pregnancy?

She got a boursin.

When I was visiting Mexico, I found it strange that they would keep cheese in their first aid kits.

Turns out it was just there in queso emergency.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats good on pizza but not on pussy?

crust.





edit: yall keep making better jokes in the comments LMAO

possible answers : red sauce, white sauce, yeast, cheese, senior discount (wtf), crabs, hot sauce, mushrooms. damn yall are just funnier than me lol

Din Djarin and Obi Wan were making cheese...

Din Djarin poured in some rennet, and when the milk coagulated, he separated and removed the curd from the large vat.

Obi Wan, unfamiliar with the process, pointed to the bottom of the vat and asked what was it that remained?

The Mandalorian said..."This is the whey..."

Sorry.

Why do Christians like Swiss cheese?

It's holey.

What kind of cheese did OceanGate serve on its sub?

The Brie

What do you call a mandalorian who loves cheese?

Feta Bob

I hate Swiss cheese

All the time it's just got to be holier than thou.

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