What’s a tired dragon’s favorite steak?

Flaming yawn

I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water.... Got me thinking....

Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?

You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you're grilling a fat, juicy steak?

I wonder if vegans get that when they mow the lawn.

How does a cat like its steak cooked...

Raaaaaaaare.



I know I know. Dad joke but I'm desperate for some love since it's my birthday.

Waitress "How did you find your steak tonight?"

"I looked next to my potatoes and there it was"...

Which hand do you use to cut your steak?

Neither, you use a knife.

What did the steak say to his child after he Achieved something?

Well Done,My Child.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant (pre Covid)

Suddenly, a girl walked towards me and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, MURDERER??"

"Seriously Vanessa, it was 20 years ago and your dad had a knife..."

So I was eating out at a steak house the other night when some guy complained that the sign said Halal...

He said his beef should be killed the **American way**, to that all I could think is does he really expect a cow to enrol in a high school just to get shot by one of its peers?

Han Solo didn’t like his steak…

… because it was Chewy.

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I went into the cafe for lunch today and ordered the nicest looking thing on the menu, home-cooked steak pie. After taking the first bite, I called the owner over. "This is cold!", I complained..

"Well of course it is." She replied, "I live fucking miles away."

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Do you know the difference between a steak and a penis?

No? Good! I'll buy you dinner.

What do you call a steak pun?

A rare medium well done.

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A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing hap...

How does Lady Gaga like her steak?

Raw Raw Ra-aw.

When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries or mashed potatoes to go with the steak. They asked me whom I agreed with,

but I couldn't pick a side

Whats a racecar drivers favorite steak?

SKIRRRRRRRRRT

How do Christians like their steaks cooked?

"Well-done, good and faithful steward..."

What kind of steak do SoundCloud rappers like?

Skirrrt steak.

My waiter asked me how I like my steak

So I told him i like my steak like me winning a argument with my wife.

So the waiter said rare it is

What do you call a 100cm long steak?

A meater.

How to make your steak taste better?

Eat it with bunch of vegans on the dinner table.

A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"

"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the nigh...

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Today is steak and blowjob day.

I asked my wife for one bloody and one well done.. I hope she gets it right!

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I'm done with waiters in restaurants asking me how did i find the steak

I just look next to The potatoes and it's right fucking there

Waiter: “And how would you like your steak prepared?”

Me: “Guess”

Waiter: “Medium rare?”

Me: “Well done”

Waiter: “Uhhh..”

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey...

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.

The barkeep says "That'll be 2 pence"

"2 pence!?" said the man. "That's cheap! Do you sell food?"

"Yep" , said the barkeep

"Alright, I'll have a steak and chips" replied the man

"Sure" said the barkeep, "That's also 2 pe...

My mouth waters when I smell steak on a grill

I wonder if the same happens to vegans taken they mow the lawn

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Me: What's it called when a steak is over cooked?

Dad: Well done, son

Me: I finally got you to say it, you son of a bitch

If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they’d call them Filet Mc’gnons

...also it’s my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!

I hate steak jokes.

Good ones are rare.

If steak could rap, why would its prefix only be Big or Lil'?

Because medium rare

Waiter: How did you find you steak sir

Me: It was delicious. Cooked to perfection.

Waiter: That's not what I meant

Me: The cook told me where you hid it

"Two steaks please", I asked the writer. "Rare for me, medium rare for my friend."

He brought us a lovely bit of panda and a nice chunk of giraffe.

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My neighbor’s dog keeps going in my yard

I tell my neighbor politely a few times to keep his dog in his yard, but every evening I come out to a fresh pile.

I tell him to clean it up, but he never does, so I give him an ultimatum: “The next time your dog comes into my yard I am going to cook him.”

The next day, sure as anythin...

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I was desperate and I couldn't get a date with a girl to save my life until...

I swiped right on a blind date, a profile picture. She asked me to pick her up, so i did, but I wasn't expecting much. I went up to the door expecting 400 lbs of desperation, but she answer the door 5 foot 2 with baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde curls and all the right curves in all the right place...

Went out for dinner. After my meal, my waiter asked me how I found my steak.

I said "I looked for my baked potatoe and there it was."

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter..

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood.

On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.

On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD t...

Bragging about a dog

My friend Mike was talking about how well behaved his dog is. He said, " Why, I could set a steak down on the coffee table and leave the room and she would not even touch it".

I said, " Come on , Mike. Even I know you're a better cook than that".

What do Gru in Despicable Me call his steaks?

Filet Minons!

Why shouldn't cows smoke weed?

Because the steaks would be too high

I walked into my local pub...

Much to my surprise, I noticed slabs of meat attached to the ceiling. I asked what it was all about.

The barman said “if you can jump and touch the slabs of meat on the ceiling, you win free drinks for the rest of the night. However, if you don’t reach it you have to pay up £50... how does th...

What’s it called when you drop a steak in the supermarket?

Ground beef...

What's the difference between a 20 dollar steak and a 55 dollar steak?

February 14th

A Frenchman Visits Texas

A French man came to Texas to visit an old friend from WW2. The Texan picked him up in his gigantic Cadillac with longhorns mounted on the hood. Knowing that his friend must be hungry and thirsty after the long flight, he stopped at a bar and grill on the way. They walked in and took a seat at the b...

I order my steaks medium.

I just don't think I can finish a large.

A man in a pub asks for a beer.

A man in a pub asks for a beer.

The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."

"One dollar?" exclaims the man.

Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"

"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars."

"Two dollars?" cries the man.
...

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards….

The steaks were pretty high.

I order my steak meduim

I'm just not sure if I can finish a large.

Edibles

A town banned marijuana so they fed it to the cattle. The steaks have never been higher.

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A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

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What kind of pet shop is this?

Joe loved his dog. Only one problem - his dog wasn’t housebroken. Joe tried everything, read every dog training book, bought every device on the market. But the dog was untrainable. Finally, he saw an ad for a pet shop that guaranteed results. Desperate, he gave it a try.

The pet shop was ve...

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$150 for a steak, I could never justify spending that on something that last 5 mins.

That's why I'd never pay for sex.

A sandwich walks in a bar and asks for a steak.

The bartender says: We don't serve food

I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw..

He said yeah but it’s rare.

I was choking on a piece of steak one night [this actually happened]

While eating dinner with my family, I started to eat a piece of steak and ended up choking.

I then stood up, with saliva coming out of my mouth, I held my neck and turned red in the face.

I looked over at my parents who were just sitting at the table staring back at me.

I contin...

I suggested a unique slogan to my favorite steak place...

We have a place for all God's creatures...right next to the mashed potatoes.

A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar

They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.

They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. ...

How do you kill a vegan vampire?

Drive a steak through it's heart

I could never be a greeter at a steakhouse.

They always want you to pick your cut from the case before you are seated.

I wouldn’t know whether to ask customers to stake their claim or claim their steak.

Putin and Medvedev go to a high class restaurant.

Putin says to the waiter "For the meat I want a rib-eye steak, medium rare. The potatos are to be baked with sour cream".

The waiter asks "what about the vegetable?"

Putin looks at Medvedev and back to the waiter and says, "He'll have the same"

What did Han Solo think of his steak?

He thought it was a little chewie.

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

I tried a vegan steak the other day and it was really good!

Cannibalism isnt for everyone but I sure like it!

What's the Russian word for dry-aged steak?

"Moss Cow."

A Man and his Wife Order Steaks at an Exclusive Restaurant.

“How would you like your meat sir?” Asks the waiter.

“Well done !” Replies the man

“Thanks, I’m really good at my job,” replies the waiter, “while you’re thinking about how you like your meat, I’ll ask your wife.”

The waiter then turns to the man’s wife.

“Ma’am, what kind...

What do you call a steak made of little yellow guys?

A filet minion

I was gambling with a farmer last week and apparently had a really good hand, so good to the point that he bet his livelihood, all 397 of his cattle.

He really raised the steaks

A man walks into a crowded bar on a Friday night, and there’s a big commotion going on

Curious, he walks into the crowd and tries to find what is so exciting. Looking up, he sees several pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. Even more curious now, but also rather thirsty, he works his way to the bar tender. The man asks the bartender, “Why are there pieces of meat hanging from the ...

I invited my family for dinner

They specifically requested a small portion of bull meat each, but I bought a huge slice of cow meat, and I cooked it medium rare

Guess I made a big miss steak

A Man Walks Into a Bar...

A man walks into a bar and looks up at the ceiling. He sees 2 steaks stuck to the ceiling and a jar filled with 100 dollar bills to the brim. He asks the bartender what is up with the steaks. The bartender says, "I will pay anyone $1,000 if they can get the steaks down, but if you fail, you have to ...

Due to covid-19, I am not able to have a wonderful wagyu steak dinner at a restaurant for my anniversary

Usually it's due to the lack of money.

What kind of poker do stoned cows play?

High steaks.

How do you know that steaks are only cut from male cows?

Because a steak cut from a female cow would be a miss steak.

Why did the astronomer take a steak to the bathroom?

Because he wanted a meatier shower.

What happens when a dragon gets bored of strip steaks?

Flaming Yawn

What’s the difference between a loin steak and sirloin steak?

The Sir loin is knighted

What's an Englishmans favourite steak?

Tea-bone

What do you call a steak that tastes bad?

A MISsteak

What’s the difference between and steak and a rock?

One is pretty meaty, the others a little meteor.

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My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.



My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.



A man tried to sell ...

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Is your ass a steak.

Cause its round, juicy, and I want to eat it.

The owner of a large cow farm walks into his barn

He sees that almost 80 of his cows have been packed tightly into the barn and the whole place smells of marijuana. He looks around at several of his farm hands who are smoking and shocked asks, "What are you doing?! OSHA is on their way for an inspection right now!"

One answered, "We know, ...

I sometimes order an undercooked steak.

But it’s rare.

Wyoming just passed a bill where you can now harvest roadkill.

Now I can finally get my Steak Tire Tire

How does a British dinosaur like it’s steak?

RAWR

I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses.

It will be for people who love meat tender.

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

Why do Cattle Ranchers gamble so much?

They Like Raising Steaks

I went out for a nice, juicy, rare steak for lunch and my wife said "Enjoying your meat then, Murderer?"

I replied: "Can we not just have one lunch without you mentioning that time I shot your mother?"

What did mr and mrs Cow name their calf who they sent away to be slaughtered?

Little miss Steak.

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department, there is th...

My friend once dared me to adopt a baby cow, so I did, and now I have a barn full of them.

I guess that's what you'd call raising the steaks.

Han Solo ordered a steak in the shape of a Wookie.

He sent it back to the kitchen because it was a little chewy.

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Always feed the cat

An older lady prepares steaks in the kitchen when small cat snuggles up to her leg and begs for a piece of meat by meowing. The lady pushes him off her feet. The cat snuggles up again and begs for a piece of meat.
"Get out!" she shouts at him and kicks him into a corner.
Later on her son-in-la...

Waiter: I'm glad you enjoyed your dinner. How did you find the steak?

Person: Super easy, it was right next to the potatoes!

At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak for my boss, and he said, “I like it well done!”

I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”

Why didn't Gordon Ramsay upvote the picture of the lamb steak?

Because it was /r/aww

My family had Wookiee steak for dinner.

It was fine, just a little chewy...

A pastor is on a plane when the man next to him strikes up a conversation.

After some pleasantries, the pastor says, "I'm flying across the country raising money for my parish. I've been performing small miracles hoping people will donate money to me. You see, I ask the Lord to provide a person's favorite food on the spot. My best luck is with college grads who are nostalg...

Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak?

Because the hamburger is in the ground state.

What do you cvall it when a cow wanders into a beauty contest?

Miss Steak

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