What’s a tired dragon’s favorite steak?

Flaming yawn

When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries or mashed potatoes to go with the steak. They asked me whom I agreed with,

but I couldn't pick a side

I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water.... Got me thinking....

Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?

Jokes about steaks are rare...

But they are usually well done

So I was eating out at a steak house the other night when some guy complained that the sign said Halal...

He said his beef should be killed the **American way**, to that all I could think is does he really expect a cow to enrol in a high school just to get shot by one of its peers?

How to make your steak taste better?

Eat it with bunch of vegans on the dinner table.

How does Lady Gaga like her steak cooked?

Rah, rah-ah-ah-ah

My waiter asked me how I like my steak

So I told him i like my steak like me winning a argument with my wife.

So the waiter said rare it is

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey...

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.

The barkeep says "That'll be 2 pence"

"2 pence!?" said the man. "That's cheap! Do you sell food?"

"Yep" , said the barkeep

"Alright, I'll have a steak and chips" replied the man

"Sure" said the barkeep, "That's also 2 pe...

Waiter: “And how would you like your steak prepared?”

Me: “Guess”

Waiter: “Medium rare?”

Me: “Well done”

Waiter: “Uhhh..”

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I'm done with waiters in restaurants asking me how did i find the steak

I just look next to The potatoes and it's right fucking there

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Today is steak and blowjob day.

I asked my wife for one bloody and one well done.. I hope she gets it right!

Waiter: how would you like your steak cooked sir?

**Me:** I thought you guys knew how to do all that

If steak could rap, why would its prefix only be Big or Lil'?

Because medium rare

A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"

"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the nigh...

If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they’d call them Filet Mc’gnons

...also it’s my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!

Went out for dinner. After my meal, my waiter asked me how I found my steak.

I said "I looked for my baked potatoe and there it was."

I hate steak jokes.

Good ones are rare.

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I was desperate and I couldn't get a date with a girl to save my life until...

I swiped right on a blind date, a profile picture. She asked me to pick her up, so i did, but I wasn't expecting much. I went up to the door expecting 400 lbs of desperation, but she answer the door 5 foot 2 with baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde curls and all the right curves in all the right place...

Waiter: How did you find you steak sir

Me: It was delicious. Cooked to perfection.

Waiter: That's not what I meant

Me: The cook told me where you hid it

"Two steaks please", I asked the writer. "Rare for me, medium rare for my friend."

He brought us a lovely bit of panda and a nice chunk of giraffe.

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter..

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

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What kind of pet shop is this?

Joe loved his dog. Only one problem - his dog wasn’t housebroken. Joe tried everything, read every dog training book, bought every device on the market. But the dog was untrainable. Finally, he saw an ad for a pet shop that guaranteed results. Desperate, he gave it a try.

The pet shop was ve...

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood.

On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.

On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD t...

I cracked open two eggs for breakfast this morning. One had two yolks, the other had a little chunk of steak.

The double-yolker was great! The meaty-yolker was just okay.

What’s it called when you drop a steak in the supermarket?

Ground beef...

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Me: What's it called when a steak is over cooked?

Dad: Well done, son

Me: I finally got you to say it, you son of a bitch

What do Gru in Despicable Me call his steaks?

Filet Minons!

A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar

They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.

They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. ...

A man walks into a crowded bar on a Friday night, and there’s a big commotion going on

Curious, he walks into the crowd and tries to find what is so exciting. Looking up, he sees several pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. Even more curious now, but also rather thirsty, he works his way to the bar tender. The man asks the bartender, “Why are there pieces of meat hanging from the ...

How do you kill a vegan vampire?

Drive a steak through it's heart

I order my steak meduim

I'm just not sure if I can finish a large.

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$150 for a steak, I could never justify spending that on something that last 5 mins.

That's why I'd never pay for sex.

I order my steaks medium.

I just don't think I can finish a large.

What's the difference between a 20 dollar steak and a 55 dollar steak?

February 14th

A sandwich walks in a bar and asks for a steak.

The bartender says: We don't serve food

I suggested a unique slogan to my favorite steak place...

We have a place for all God's creatures...right next to the mashed potatoes.

A couple of cows were smoking a joint while playing cards....

That’s right, the steaks were pretty high.

A Man Walks Into a Bar...

A man walks into a bar and looks up at the ceiling. He sees 2 steaks stuck to the ceiling and a jar filled with 100 dollar bills to the brim. He asks the bartender what is up with the steaks. The bartender says, "I will pay anyone $1,000 if they can get the steaks down, but if you fail, you have to ...

What did the vegan tell after eating the steak?

That it's a mistake.

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Steak is like pussy

If it’s not bloody, it’s not worth eating

Why do Cattle Ranchers gamble so much?

They Like Raising Steaks

How do you know that steaks are only cut from male cows?

Because a steak cut from a female cow would be a miss steak.

What's the Russian word for dry-aged steak?

"Moss Cow."

What did mr and mrs Cow name their calf who they sent away to be slaughtered?

Little miss Steak.

Wyoming just passed a bill where you can now harvest roadkill.

Now I can finally get my Steak Tire Tire

What’s the most intense moment in history?

When the mission to take the first cow into space commenced.

The steaks had never been higher.

My friend once dared me to adopt a baby cow, so I did, and now I have a barn full of them.

I guess that's what you'd call raising the steaks.

A pastor is on a plane when the man next to him strikes up a conversation.

After some pleasantries, the pastor says, "I'm flying across the country raising money for my parish. I've been performing small miracles hoping people will donate money to me. You see, I ask the Lord to provide a person's favorite food on the spot. My best luck is with college grads who are nostalg...

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

What did Han Solo think of his steak?

He thought it was a little chewie.

I was choking on a piece of steak one night [this actually happened]

While eating dinner with my family, I started to eat a piece of steak and ended up choking.

I then stood up, with saliva coming out of my mouth, I held my neck and turned red in the face.

I looked over at my parents who were just sitting at the table staring back at me.

I contin...

I tried a vegan steak the other day and it was really good!

Cannibalism isnt for everyone but I sure like it!

Why did the astronomer take a steak to the bathroom?

Because he wanted a meatier shower.

What do you call a steak made of little yellow guys?

A filet minion

A Man and his Wife Order Steaks at an Exclusive Restaurant.

“How would you like your meat sir?” Asks the waiter.

“Well done !” Replies the man

“Thanks, I’m really good at my job,” replies the waiter, “while you’re thinking about how you like your meat, I’ll ask your wife.”

The waiter then turns to the man’s wife.

“Ma’am, what kind...

What happens when a dragon gets bored of strip steaks?

Flaming Yawn

Worried about when cows start smoking marijuana

The steaks just can't get any higher.

The finals of any sport World Cup is like cows on an airplane.

The steaks have never been higher.

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department, there is th...

Not my joke but its funny either way

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender gives it to him and says “That will be one dollar.” The man is shocked and asks the bartender why the drink is only one dollar. The bartender replies and says, “We’re doing a special sale today!” The man asks the bartender “Wha...

Jesus calls to John

And Jesus said "John come forth and you will win eternal life!"

But John came fifth so he only won a free dinner at Geno's Steak & Pizza.

Due to covid-19, I am not able to have a wonderful wagyu steak dinner at a restaurant for my anniversary

Usually it's due to the lack of money.

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

I know my steak's going to taste good. Just measured it. 23cm.

A prime cut.

What’s the difference between a loin steak and sirloin steak?

The Sir loin is knighted

What's an Englishmans favourite steak?

Tea-bone

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My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.



My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.



A man tried to sell ...

My friend told me he was going to become a vegetarian

I told him that would be a big missed steak

What’s the difference between and steak and a rock?

One is pretty meaty, the others a little meteor.

I went to the butcher's shop...

I went to the butcher's shop around the block from my house to get some ribeyes for the long weekend. I'm excited because I don't eat steak very often and these are dry aged to perfection, cut an inch and half thick and pretty much the best steaks you can get! I'm all set to leave, when I notice a ...

Ever hear about the million-dollar plan to convert the top floor of The Shard into a restaurant?

Man, the steaks were high on that one.

Getting a bull stoned is dangerous business

The steaks are high

I sometimes order an undercooked steak.

But it’s rare.

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

So a costumer asked the chef if anyone ever orders steak raw

The chef said "Yeah but that's rare"

At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak for my boss, and he said, “I like it well done!”

I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”

This waitress asked me a really stupid question

She said, "how did you find your steak sir?"

I said, "well, I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was."

How does a British dinosaur like it’s steak?

RAWR

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is your ass a steak.

Cause its round, juicy, and I want to eat it.

Canadian jokes I thought of today....please be kind lol

What kind of insurance do Canadians have?
Eh eh r p

What do Canadians put on their steak?
Eh 1

What do you say to a cow that does somewhat decent on an exam?

Medium well done.

Side joke: It made very few mis steaks

I went out for a nice, juicy, rare steak for lunch and my wife said "Enjoying your meat then, Murderer?"

I replied: "Can we not just have one lunch without you mentioning that time I shot your mother?"

Waiter: I'm glad you enjoyed your dinner. How did you find the steak?

Person: Super easy, it was right next to the potatoes!

According to a recent poll 9 out of 10 people have never had Steak Tartare.

Apparently it's very rare.

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A guy was driving down a long stretch of country highway, when he approached a fruit stand.

The sign above read, "We have
peaches that taste like anything
and everything, guaranteed!"
The man thought about it, and
decided to stop.
He thought this has to be
bullshit. So he approaches the
old, feeble man behind the
stand and says, "So, you have
peaches that taste l...

I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses.

It will be for people who love meat tender.

I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder.

He said the steaks were too high.

Why did the farmer let his cows graze on marijuana plants?

He liked high steaks.

What do you call the world's tallest cow ?

I can't tell you: The Steaks are too high

My family had Wookiee steak for dinner.

It was fine, just a little chewy...

Han Solo ordered a steak in the shape of a Wookie.

He sent it back to the kitchen because it was a little chewy.

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 steaks hanging from strings behind the bar....

So the guy ask the bartender “What’s up with those pieces of meat hanging up behind the bar?” The bartender replies “ Well if you can jump off the bar and bite into one of them your drinks are free all night! But if you miss you must buy the whole bar a round of drinks.” The guy thinks about it fo...

Han Solo goes to a restaurant and orders a steak. The waiter asked how tender he’d like his steak to be.

Han said “Make it Chewie.”

I used to visit a casino, until I found out their top floor restaurant served beef.

That meant the steaks were just too high for me.

her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please.

**waiter:** of course

**me:** it didn’t say it had nuts

**her:** I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe

**me:** that makes sense

**waiter:** and for you?

**me:** steak, no bees, please.

At the steak house my wife exclaims, "Stop playing with your knife! You'll hurt yourself!" I reply, "These knives are so dull ...

A Rabbi would be furious and a foreskin would be irritated."

What did the steak tell his son after he won the spelling bee?

Well-done

Why didn't Gordon Ramsay upvote the picture of the lamb steak?

Because it was /r/aww

The other day I invested in a meat company.

I bought a 20 percent steak.

Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak?

Because the hamburger is in the ground state.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim Bob and the Blow Job Frog

A man is selling frogs in a box for $100 each. A sign says “Blow Job Frogs $100”.

Jim Bob walks up and looks in the box “No way one of those frogs is worth $100.”

Salesman “Take one down the alley and try it; If you don’t like it put it back and leave.”

Jim Bob does and comes b...

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