The 92+ Best Chicken Jokes

A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, “Book.”

The librarian says, “You want a book?”

“Book.”

“Any book?”

“Book.”

So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, “Bookbook.”

The librarian says, “Now you want two books?”

“Book-book.”

So she...

So a chicken walks into a library and says , “bock”. Sounding like “book” the librarian hands him a book. He takes it and goes happily on his way. Then the next day...

The chicken says "bock bock", and the librarian hands him two books. Away he went. The third day, chicken says "bock bock bock", and the librarian hands him three books. And so on until the fifth day, when the chicken says "bock bock bock bock bock", the librarian hands him five books and follows hi...

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”

“What a coincidence,” the farmer said. “This is a special day for me; I am celebrating.”

“This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,” said the woman.

“What a coincidence!” sai...

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

AITA? I bought my coworker chicken avocado instead of tuna avocado from Subway, and now they’re mad.

Whoops, wrong sub.

My Daughter: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Me: "I dunno"

"To get to the idiots house"
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"Knock knock"

Me: "Who's there?"

"It's the chicken...."

She's 8...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today

I'll let you know.

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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common?

They both contain high amounts of trans fats.

TIFU when I brought my pregnant wife home a meatball foot long instead of the teriyaki chicken she asked for

Whoops, wrong sub.

My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens.

He got the money for nothing, and the chicks for free.

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The best chicken joke ever!

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is
smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.

The egg mutters to no one in particular,
"Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

Why did the chicken attend a seance?

To get to the other side.

So a Chicken walked into a bar, and the bartender asks, what brings you in today chicken?

The chicken says, "I just saw this place across the road, and thought I'd come check it out."

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

If it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

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A poor family lives on a farm and they rely on their chickens for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find the chicken coop empty and the corpses of chickens on the ground.

"There’s nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad and the chickens on the ground.

...

Who is the only higher ranked officer in the Chicken Army above Colonel Sanders?

General Tso.

If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for tea you are a terrible parent.

I don't care how busy you are, find the time to microwave them first at least.

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A young man is walking down the road carrying chicken wire

He passes by this old man’s house and the old man says, “Hey son, what are you doing with that chicken wire?” The young man says, “I’m going to catch me some chickens.” The old man laughs and says, “You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire.” So the young man keeps walking. But sure enough, later t...

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Did you know all chickens die after having sex?

Well every chicken I’ve had sex with has.

A chicken walks into a library, goes up to the desk and says "buk".

So the librarian gives the chicken a book. The chicken walks outside with the book and comes back 5 minutes later without the book.

"Buk, buk" says the chicken again, so the librarian gives it another book, it walks outside and returns with no book.

"Buk, buk" it says, and the same ...

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken

A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarians desk and says, "Buk", so she gives him a book. A couple minutes later the chicken returns. "Buk", he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.

Finally it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk" says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit" replies the frog...

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Did you hear the one about the guy who fucked a chicken?

A man named Steve just turned 30, and was still a virgin.

He decided that it was finally time to change that, and decided to drive down to the nearest brothel, a good 4 hours away.

When he arrived and asked the owner for a lady to accompany him, he was told “Unfortunately, all of our...

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken.

Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered - the chicken.

I can't lift a ton of chicken soup but I can lift a ton of pho.

Because a pho ton is light.

I asked my wife, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

Without hesitation, she sighed and said, “The Rooster did. The rooster always comes first.”

A chicken saw a duck standing by the side of the road. The chicken called out to the duck:

Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!

KFC has asked scientists to edit the chicken genome.

They want something CRISPR.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To take a photo in front of a church.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. ...

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking.

He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, ...

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Just found out that cock fighting is done with chickens!

Well that's 8 month's of training wasted.

Why did the chicken go to the gym?

To build up it's pecs.

(apologies in advance. I made this up).

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A farmer who raised chickens had just bought a young rooster and put it in his coop...

Soon the young rooster struts up to the old one and says, "Okay you old fart, time for you to retire. I'm in charge of the hens, now."

"Are you sure?" the old rooster asks, "It's pretty challenging watching over all these hens and keeping them in line, especially for a youngster who doesn't h...

Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they kept saying, "Bach, Bach, Bach"

What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees-a-salad

My friend is convinced there's no way of knowing whether the chicken or the egg came first.

He's a real eggnostic, that one.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
After several weeks of fuming at his chickens for making scratches and small dents in the hood of his car he decided to find a solution.
Coincidentally a salesperson came by his house and offered a s...

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

I used to run a dating service for chickens

but I was struggling to make hens meet.

What was Napoleon’s favourite piece of chicken?

The wing.

He liked to pick the bone apart.

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's b...

A librarian is at work at a pubic library and sees a chicken walk in.

The chicken walks up to the counter and says "book, book, book, book."

This continues until the librarian passes a book to the chicken who takes it and pushes it out the door.

A few minutes later the chicken comes right back on, pushes the book up to the counter and says "book, book, b...

I dated a hindu girl who would eat chicken or goat but not beef. She said it was a sacred animal.

I didn't get it, i was raised catholic. Our god tastes like cardboard and we still eat him.

I went to a fancy dress party wearing a chicken costume

And there was a girl there dressed up as an egg!
So I said to her "So are we going to find out, or what?

A chicken and a horse become best friends on their farm.

Every day, they go out walking together, talking, laughing and generally enjoying each other's company. One day, they happen to wander too closely to a sinkhole, and the horse falls in. As the horse flails about, the chicken looks around desperately, trying to figure out how to save her friend. That...

I made this awesome new material that is immune to chicken attacks.

It’s impeckable.

Due to the current economic situation in the world, I’ve started a dating site for chickens.

It’s not my full-time job, I’m just doing it...
...to make hens meet.

Where was the first chicken fried?

In Greece.

The inventor of the chicken tikka masala has died

Just before he passed he slipped into a korma

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(NSFW) A horse and a baby chicken were playing in the barnyard...

...when the horse fell into some quicksand. The baby chicken, wanting to help his friend, goes to find the farmer for assistance but he’s nowhere to be found. The baby chicken finds the farmer’s Aston Martin in the garage, however, so he backs it up to the quicksand. He then ties some rope around th...

My 8 year old cousin: " Why did the chicken cross the road?"

8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house.

Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha.

8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock

Me: Who's there

8yo: The chicken.

So, there was a Horse, a Sheep and a Chicken and they lived in a barn

The horse had long dreamed of learning to play the guitar.

So the horse rings a music shop and he says, “Hey, I’d love to learn to play guitar. Is there anyone who can teach me”?

The music shop manager says “That’s not an issue, let’s get you started on some music lessons.” ...

Why didn't the chicken like Colonel Sander's autobiography?

Because chickens can't read.

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Kid with Chicken Wire

This kid is walking down the street with a spool of chicken wire. He passes an old black man sitting on his porch. The man looks at him and says "Where you goin' with that there chicken wire, boy."
The kid says "I'm going to get some chickens."
The old man says "You can't catch no chickens wit...

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Why did the Nazi chicken cross the road?

He was following orders.

(stolen from Troy Bond)

I’ve started investing in stocks; beef, chicken and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

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What do you call a Japanese chicken that likes bondage?

Hen-tie

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it wanted to die.

(Genius submission from my 5 year old son)

After 50+ years of "Why did the chicken cross the road?" jokes, someone finally decided to just ask the chicken.

The chicken looked up, clucked twice, and said "What's a road?".

A Chicken walked into a Library

The chicken walking into a library, went up to the Librarian, and said "Book book book"

So the librarian gave the chicken 3 books. The chicken left, and came back around 15 minutes later, to return the books, and again, Said "Book book book"

Again, The chicken left for 15 minutes, and ...

On the chicken farm

A farmer who produced free range eggs gave a visitor a tour.

"And in this corner, the hens take some of the grain that we give them and put it in that old water dish, where it ferments and becomes a kind of primitive beer."

The visitor replied "Wow! Chicken brewers! I wonder if it's mo...

Why did the chicken cross the road with a secret document?

Who needs to know?

Why did the chicken avoid the military draft?

To avoid being placed in the same unit as Colonel Sanders.

Chicken pot pie.

My three favorite things. How about you?

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Ed the Chicken

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife,and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ‘You died in your sleep, Ed.’

Ed was stunned. ‘I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!’

St. P...

I made a chicken salad this morning

Stupid thing won't even eat it.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Trick question. 4/channers don't leave the house.

I can't afford to fix my leaky roof. So I'm inviting some kids with chicken pox over.

Hopefully my house will get Shingles.

Math Teacher: Your homework looks like chicken scratch, but you have all the correct answers

Later at Home: I think she’s on to us, mathmachicken

What do you get when you throw a chicken into a volcano?

Bawklava

What do you call people who take care of chickens?

Chicken tenders

What did the chicken say to the grim Reaper?

Should have looked both ways.....

I've never tried chicken...

Every time I go to eat it I have to throw it in the bin because it smells fowl.

You can't win an argument with a chicken.

It's logic is impeccable.

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The chicken farmer

A chicken farmer is visited by an official looking person one day. The farmer has no clue who the visitor is. The visitor asks "What do you feed your chicken?"

The honest and innocent farmer says "they just pick worms in the fields and eat whatever seeds and grains and crap they can get hold ...

You know why chickens are considered filthy animals?

Because they eat with their peckers.

What do you call a Mexican space chicken?

Apollo.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" is a literary masterpiece!

Some might even call it poultry in motion...

A pig and a chicken are talking on a field.

The chicken says, "Everything is way better with bacon on it!"

The pig says, "Oh really?? Everything?"

The chicken says, "Absolutely!"

So the pig sits on him.

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One day an old man is sitting in his porch when a young boy walks by holding some chicken wire

He tells out “What’re you gonna do with that?” The boy replies “Ima catch me some chicken” The man thinks to himself “That can’t be right”. Well about 2 hours later though, the boy comes back with a bunch of chickens tangled in the wire. The next day the man is on his porch and he sees the boy with ...

A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken.

It’s the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.

I bought a chicken earlier to make sandwiches

Complete waste of time. It just runs around the kitchen making clucking noises

Hey, Chicken, why did you cross the road?

I'm sorry, I thought this was a free range country!

Why did the plant-based chicken cross the road?

Idk, it’s beyond meat.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Gordon Ramsay: Because you didn't fookin cook it.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To prove to the possum it could be done.

I've created a manly fragrance that smells like chicken nuggets.

I call it Pollo For Men.

Who invented Popcorn Chicken?

Kernel Sanders

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk.

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian's attention, it squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

The librarian complies, putting a couple of books...

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