A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

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An English and an Irish farmer are arguing at their fence over Politics when along comes a chicken and lays an egg right on the fence boundary.

The English farmer exclaims "It's my egg, because it's my Chicken", and the Irish farmer replies with "Well, the egg is mostly on my side of the fence, so it's mine". They argue back and forth about an hour, until the Irish farmer comes up with a solution.

"To see who the strongest farmer is...

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He saw a sign at the front of a building that said "chicken strips for $2"

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

I went out dressed as a chicken last night and met a girl who was dressed as an egg.

One thing led to another and the eternal question was answered:

​

It was the chicken.

A chicken and an egg are laying in bed together.

The chicken looks over and sees the egg smoking a cigarette.

“Well I guess that answers that question!” He says.

I raise chickens humanely, and I only eat the ones that die from natural causes.

Rocks are natural, right?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’

“Now that’s an old one.” The chicken smiled to himself as he looked across the barren road in front of him, the age old question repeating itself in his mind.

On one side, the chicken stood. The other, a lone bar in the middle of nowhere. And yet, at some point, it was once the most bustling ...

I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road

without having their motives questioned

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Guy driving down a highway sees a chicken with three legs overtaking him. He floors it

and the chicken stays ahead of him. He’s never seen anything like it, so he follows the chicken but it speeds up, 60, 80, 100 mph! He can barely keep it in sight, but sees it get off the highway and then, at the last second, sees it dash into a farmyard. He skids to a stop and sees the chicken run u...

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I’ll let you know.

A chicken walks into a library

A chicken walks into the library. It goes up to the circulation desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook". The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian s...

Who takes care of chickens?

Chicken tenders

George Bush bought a rotisserie chicken

As he was walking out of the grocery store, he looked at the chicken. As he held it in his hand, he thought to himself,

“Hey, this chicken isn’t too big. I could easily eat this in one bite.”

So that’s exactly what he did when he got home. He struggled greatly, but he eventually was ...

Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?

If it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan.

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What did the sexy brown chicken say to the sexy brown cow?

Brown-chicken-brown-cow

What do you call a dead chicken?

A poultry-geist

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's b...

Chicken Surprise

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

​

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

​

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees t...

I think I just found out what the “Why did the chicken cross the road?” joke ACTUALLY meant.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“To get to the other side.”

Maybe the “other side” meant the afterlife, meaning that when the chicken was crossing the road, it probably got ran over by a car.

The joke was that you were supposed to take the punchline very literally at first, b...

Why do chicken coops have two doors?

Because if they had 4, they’d be called chicken sedans

A chicken walks into a library and says:

"Book book book."

​

The librarian hands the chicken 3 books. On the way out, the chicken runs into a frog.

The chicken shows the books to the frog and says:

"Book book book."

The frog replies:

"Reddit reddit reddit."

Why did the rooster go to KFC?

He wanted to see a chicken strip

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between sexy and kinky?

Using a feather is sexy. Kinky is using the whole damn chicken!

I’m thinking of starting a social media network for chickens.

But not as my full time job, just a way to make hens meet.

I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

I'm planning on opening a chicken restaurant that sells average food.

It'll be called OKFC.

TIFU when I brought my pregnant wife home a meatball foot long instead of the teriyaki chicken she asked for

Whoops, wrong sub.

Trump tells his agents to deport a million Mexicans and a chicken

When they ask him about the chicken, he replies: 'See? I told you nobody would care about the Mexicans'

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A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turns to her and says,

"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.

"What a c...

Who came first? The chicken or the egg?

I did, but it was harder to screw the egg than the chicken.

A chicken went to James Bond....

Chicken: Hello, how do you do?

James Bond: I'm doing alright

Chicken: What is your name?

James Bond: The name's Bond.....James Bond.How about you?

Chicken: Ken...... Chicken

A long chicken joke

A chicken walks into a library and goes "Book book"

The librarian humors the chicken and gives it an old book.

The chicken walks out of the library, across the road and into the park where it stops and then throws the book in the pond.

The chicken then walks back to the library ...

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What do a fat prostitute and a baby chicken have in common?

They both go "cheap"

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Do you know what the white stuff in chicken poop is?

It's poop

My dad bought a new farm, so he asked me to move the chicken coop over to the new land

It was a very heavy bird den

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.

The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the oth...

Why didn't Napoleon eat chicken legs?

He didn't like defeat.

What's the actual reason the chicken crossed the road?

To find the answer to this joke.

How do you know that chicken wings aren’t virgins?

Because they are always bone-in

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To find people who care about its cake day.

Which side of a chicken has more feathers?

The outside.

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A husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice.

“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.

“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor.
“Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask ...

What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken sees-a salad

What do you call a chicken's sidewalk drawing?

A chalk-a-doodle-do!

(Credit: My 6 year old daughter who makes up jokes while we're driving. Proud parent moment, she is getting to be one of the best pun-slingers I know)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her e...

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Did you work on a chicken farm?

Because your pretty good at raising cocks

Why do chickens often suffer from cabin fever?

Because they are always being cooped up.

Why does chicken taste good in Ranch?

Because that’s where it was raised

What do you call a person who watches over chickens?

A chicken tender.

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Guess what

Chicken butt

Knock knock. Who's there? Confused chicken. Confused chicken who?

Moo

Why did the infertile chicken cross the road?

She wanted to take adavantage of Burger King's 10 piece special. She now has lil nuggets of her own.

A guy dressed as a chicken on fire tried to break into my house.

If phoenix anything I'll be mad.

I killed a chicken.

It was murder most fowl.

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Did you know chickens die after sex?

Well, at least that's been my experience so far.

A chicken walks over to a duck standing on the side of the road.

The duck is considering crossing to the other side.

“Don’t do it, pal,” the chicken says. “You’ll never hear the end of it.”

Actual conversation that took place in front of me today while waiting for my food at a chicken place...

There were 4 teens standing in front of me, 2 boys and 2 girls. One of the girls walks off to go to the restroom...

Guy A “Hey man, is that your sister?”

Guy B “Yeah”

Guy A “I can tell, y’all look just alike. This is my sister and we don’t look nothin’ alike. I look just like my...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Friend 1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Friend 2: Idk, why?

Friend 1: To get to the idiots house.

Friend 1: Knock Knock

Friend 2: Who’s there

Friend 1: The chicken

How do you call your chicken named Marco?

"Pollo"

How is a woman like Kentucky Fried Chicken?

When you are finished with the breast and the thigh, you have a greasy box to stick your bone in.

Did you hear about the chickens idea to cross the road?

Yeah it wasn't worried, said the idea was nothing to balk at

Paul Revere’s Chicken (OC)

Paul Revere has a chicken named Gallo. When the American Revolution was well underway, he spent several nights training the chicken secretly in his barn. When he finally felt Gallo was ready, he brought it with him to the Sons of Liberty. At first, they laughed.

“Well, now, laugh if you want,...

I had a hen who could count her own eggs

She was a mathamachicken

Chicken potpie.

My three favorite things.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you grow up on a chicken farm?

Cause you sure know how to raise a cock.

What do you call a chicken with no legs and no wings?

A chicken nugget

Why aren't there chickens inside the eggs at the grocery?

Because someone didn't get laid.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like to masterbate like I like my chicken wings

With a dry rub

So a chicken walks into a library and says , “bock”. Sounding like “book” the librarian hands him a book. He takes it and goes happily on his way. Then the next day...

The chicken says "bock bock", and the librarian hands him two books. Away he went. The third day, chicken says "bock bock bock", and the librarian hands him three books. And so on until the fifth day, when the chicken says "bock bock bock bock bock", the librarian hands him five books and follows hi...

What do you call a chicken that comes back to haunt you?

Poultrygeist.

A chicken pie in Jamaica costs €2.00 A chicken pie in Trinidad costs €2.15 A chicken pie in St Kitts costs €2.40

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

What do chickens work on in the gym?...

...Their pecks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just found out that cock fighting is done with two chickens.

That’s two years of training I’ll never get back.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In a farmhouse this horse and a chicken...

...they’ve been friends for a long time.

One day the chicken wakes up to this screaming and runs out of the farmer's house only to find the horse in a pit of mud sinking.

Chicken says, “holy shit, how the fuck did you end up in here?”

Horse explains “I’m eating a little food,...

Why did the chicken go to the gym

He believed in survival of the fittest

Why do they call chicken the beggar's bird?

Because it says "Buck buck buck buck buck!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter explained, "You died in your sleep, Bob." Bob was stunned, "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back and that is as a chicken."

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled...

What did the chicken say when it walked into the library?

Book Book Book Book Book

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Farmer Brown goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken.

The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says, “OK, old fellow, time to retire.”


The old rooster says, “You can’t handle all these chickens. Look what it did to me!”


The young rooster replies, “Now, don’t give me a hassle about this old man. It’s time for the o...

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Famous people answer the ubiquitous question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

**TEACHER**: To get to the other side.


**PLATO**: For the greater good.


**ARISTOTLE**: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.


**SOCRATES**: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?


**HIPPOCRATES**: Because of an excess of phlegm in i...

The mute chicken

Why did the mute chicken leave his cheating girlfriend at the side of the road.

He couldn’t give a cluck

How long can you keep a chicken in the freezer?

I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.

What does the chicken who likes classical music says?

Bach bach bach bach bach

Who is the greatest Chicken-Killer in Shakespeare?

Macbeth, because he did murder most foul.

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

Because all they said was "Bach Bach Bach!"