Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

I ordered a chicken and an egg from amazon...

I’ll let you know

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's b...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.

The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the oth...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To find people who care about its cake day.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The road betrayed it first.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice.

“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.

“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor.
“Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I would'nt know, never fucked an egg before.

Why did the infertile chicken cross the road?

She wanted to take adavantage of Burger King's 10 piece special. She now has lil nuggets of her own.

I went to a halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered

The chicken

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

If it had four it would be a sedan.

What do you call a chicken's sidewalk drawing?

A chalk-a-doodle-do!

(Credit: My 6 year old daughter who makes up jokes while we're driving. Proud parent moment, she is getting to be one of the best pun-slingers I know)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her e...

TIFU when I brought my pregnant wife home a meatball foot long instead of the teriyaki chicken she asked for

Whoops, wrong sub.

Actual conversation that took place in front of me today while waiting for my food at a chicken place...

There were 4 teens standing in front of me, 2 boys and 2 girls. One of the girls walks off to go to the restroom...

Guy A “Hey man, is that your sister?”

Guy B “Yeah”

Guy A “I can tell, y’all look just alike. This is my sister and we don’t look nothin’ alike. I look just like my...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Friend 1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Friend 2: Idk, why?

Friend 1: To get to the idiots house.

Friend 1: Knock Knock

Friend 2: Who’s there

Friend 1: The chicken

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turns to her and says,

"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.

"What a c...

How do you call your chicken named Marco?

"Pollo"

I killed a chicken.

It was murder most fowl.

What do you call a chicken with no legs and no wings?

A chicken nugget

Why did the chicken go to the gym

He believed in survival of the fittest

What do chickens work on in the gym?...

...Their pecks.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken rolls over, lights up a cigarette and says “Well, I guess that answers that question.”

I had a hen who could count her own eggs

She was a mathamachicken

What do you call a chicken that comes back to haunt you?

Poultrygeist.

A chicken walks into a library and says “book book book”

So the librarian gives him a book and he walks out. But the librarian thinks this is kinda weird so she follows him home. On the way home the chicken meets a frog. When the chicken sees the frog he shows him his book and says “book book book.” The frog replies “Reddit Reddit Reddit.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you know chickens die after sex?

Well, at least that's been my experience so far.

Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

Because if they had 4 they'd be called chicken sedans.

What do you call a chicken looking at a piece of lettuce?

Chicken caeser salad.

What did the chicken say when it walked into the library?

Book Book Book Book Book

How long can you keep a chicken in the freezer?

I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.

A chicken walks up to a duck that’s considering crossing the road.

“Don’t do it, pal,” the chicken says, “you’ll never hear the end of it.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Famous people answer the ubiquitous question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

**TEACHER**: To get to the other side.


**PLATO**: For the greater good.


**ARISTOTLE**: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.


**SOCRATES**: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?


**HIPPOCRATES**: Because of an excess of phlegm in i...

Who is the greatest Chicken-Killer in Shakespeare?

Macbeth, because he did murder most foul.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just found out that cock fighting is done with two chickens.

That’s two years of training I’ll never get back.

A chicken pie in Jamaica costs €2.00 A chicken pie in Trinidad costs €2.15 A chicken pie in St Kitts costs €2.40

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

What cult was the chicken part of?

The KKKFC

I dreamt of a better world for chickens everywhere.

A world where chickens could cross the road without having their motives questioned.

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

Because all they said was "Bach Bach Bach!"

why did the chicken cross the road?

becuz walking around is to long

Why did the chicken go to the medium?

To get to the other side.

The Farmer was careful to monitor the ratio of roosters to chickens

He was trying to control ova population.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter explained, "You died in your sleep, Bob." Bob was stunned, "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back and that is as a chicken."

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled...

A man walks into a bar with a chicken and a bucket.

The barman looks puzzled and query’s the man as to why he has these items. The man replies that it’s a rare dancing chicken and offers to show the barman in exchange for a free drink. The barman agrees and the man sets the bucket down and places the chicken on top.

The chicken, amazingly, st...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Farmer Brown goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken.

The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says, “OK, old fellow, time to retire.”


The old rooster says, “You can’t handle all these chickens. Look what it did to me!”


The young rooster replies, “Now, don’t give me a hassle about this old man. It’s time for the o...

Why did the chicken return to the buffet?

To get to the other sides

There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, a pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks.

His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you."

Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicks the cat.

The boy says "Will you tell him, or should I ?"

Made a chicken salad this morning

Stupid thing wont even eat it.

So a chicken walks into a library and says , “bock”. Sounding like “book” the librarian hands him a book. He takes it and goes happily on his way. Then the next day...

The chicken says "bock bock", and the librarian hands him two books. Away he went. The third day, chicken says "bock bock bock", and the librarian hands him three books. And so on until the fifth day, when the chicken says "bock bock bock bock bock", the librarian hands him five books and follows hi...

A chicken walks into a bar

The bartender says “hey! We can’t serve you here! You gotta go to the bar across the street”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Kentucky Freud Chicken

Mother Fucking Good

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In a farmhouse this horse and a chicken...

...they’ve been friends for a long time.

One day the chicken wakes up to this screaming and runs out of the farmer's house only to find the horse in a pit of mud sinking.

Chicken says, “holy shit, how the fuck did you end up in here?”

Horse explains “I’m eating a little food,...

Whats the difference between a chicken and a turkey

a chicken is a common farm animal

and a turkey commits genocide against armenians.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the chicken go to the toilet?

Because that’s where all the cocks hang out.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The fascinating story of an innocent chicken trying to escape the farm

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old man notices a young boy walking down the street with some chicken wire.

The old man says "where you going with that there chicken wire?"
The boy says " going to catch me some chickens".
Old man " that ain't how you catch chickens"
A few hours later the old man sees the boy walking back with a bunch of chickens in his wire.
"
Ill be damned" thinks the ol...

I had some vegan chicken for lunch

I only know because it told me before I had it killed and cooked.

What does a woman and Kentucky fried chicken have in common?

What does a woman and Kentucky fried chicken have in common?
A: by the time your finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put the bone in.

Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?

Because it's pecker is on it's head.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a chicken with a lollipop?

A >!Cocksucker!<

I started investing in stocks of Beef, Chicken, and Vegetables.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

I’d like to make a toast to Chicken Pot Pie.

Three of my favorite things.

Calling my handwriting chicken-scratch is offensive

To chickens

Why don’t chickens like to plan?

They rather wing it

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why Does the Easter Bunny hide the eggs.?

Because he doesnt want anyone knowing he fucked a chicken.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because North Korea’s long-range missiles don’t go that far

Somewhere in an alternate universe...

A bunch of chickens are stuck at a lame wedding doing the ‘Human Dance.’

A man walks into the doctor's office and says 'Doctor, I have this terrible fear that I'm going to be eaten by a chicken.'

I feel like a grain of corn trapped in a man's body.'

The doctor says 'Don't worry, we can help you.'

Months go by and after many therapies the doctor says 'We've done everything we could to help you and now I can safely say that you don't feel like a grain anymore.'

The man s...

A farmer buys 100 baby chickens.

A week later, he comes back to buy 100 more.

A week after that, he comes back to buy yet another 100 baby chickens.

Finally, when he came back for yet another 100 chickens, someone finally stopped him and said “Excuse me sir, I noticed you’ve been here every week buying chickens. How’...

Use the words chicken, nut, and bread in one sentence.

When my sister got pregnant, my Filipino mother told my dad to stop choking her because chicken nut bread.

Why did the Chicken go to kfc?

To see the chicken strip.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do prostitutes and chicken farmers have in common?

They both raise cocks for profit

A chicken walks into the library.

It goes up to the circulation desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook". The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian saying: "book, bok, bok, bok, boook...

A pig, a cow, and a chicken walk into a barbecue.

The End

What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken.


Thanks for letting me waste your time
By a friend

A chicken farmer and his son went out to gather eggs one morning

They went in the hen house but couldn't find a single egg. As they left the hen house they saw several sets of footprints leading away from the roost.

Following them up and over a hill they found an abandoned campsite with a still smoldering fire.

Next to the fire was an old pot and a ...

Why can a chicken coup only have 2 doors?

Because, if it had four doors, it'd be a chicken sedan.