Why did the chicken cross the road?







To take a photo in front of a church.

I used my stimulus check to buy baby chickens

Money for nothing, and the chicks for free

So if a Chicken carries salmonella, and a Cow carries e-coli, what does a pig carry?

A gun, a badge, and a "get out of jail free" card.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. ...

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So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

What does a chicken do when they fall on hard times?

Chicken strips

A chicken and an egg are laying in bed together

The chicken rolls over and lights a cigarette. "Well," says the egg, "I guess that answers that question".

Why does a chicken coup only have 2 doors ?

If it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

Why did beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was Bach Bach Bach.

ME: I trained this chicken to talk.

HER: Let's hear then.

ME: What's a male deer called?

CHICKEN: Buck

ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?

CHICKEN: Buck Buck

HER: This is dumb.

CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

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The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the...

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

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Took me two hours to grill a chicken, yesterday

And the fucken thing still wouldn't tell me why he crossed the road!

Why did the chicken got to the seance ?

To get to the other side

I made a chicken salad this morning.

The stupid thing won't even eat it.

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Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber...

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead?No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!

"St Peter said," I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Ralph...

Why didn't the chicken get a kiss goodnight?

Because she had fowl breath.

Why did the serial killer chicken cross the road?

To kill the chicken on the other side....

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I bought a chicken to make sandwiches...

Turns out it doesn't, it just make a lot of noise and poops on the floor.

Today, I ordered an egg and a chicken off of Amazon

I'll let y'all know which one comes first

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I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.

12 months of training completely wasted.

A chicken walks into a library

It goes up to the circulation desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook". The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian saying: "book, bok, bok, bok, boook...

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

It wanted to play animal crossing

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

My 8 year old cousin: " Why did the chicken cross the road?"

8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house.

Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha.

8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock

Me: Who's there

8yo: The chicken.

Winner winner chicken dinner

"Doctor, I think my wife is getting hard of hearing."

"There's a simple test you can run to see how bad the problem is: Start out 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone say something and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until yo...

Chicken Dinner

A farm family invited their new pastor over for a Sunday chicken dinner. After a delicious meal, the pastor seemed to be the only one that noticed a rooster outside crowing almost non-stop. He finally had to ask the farmer, "Excuse me. I grew up in the city and I thought roosters only made noise ...

Why did the pool table chicken out?

I guess I can say he didn’t have the balls

What do you call a chicken that stares at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad

Why did the movie about chickens get bad reviews?

Because it was fowl.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

he had to get to the bar, he has more than one joke to star in!


*Knock knock

"who's there?"

"It is I, the chicken. Let me in the bar man, I'm late for my joke!"



... a chicken walks into a bar.

What do you do if you don’t want to talk to a chicken?

Egg-nore it.

Stolen from my 8 year old.

Why aren’t chickens allowed in church?

Because they only use fowl language.

I had some Burger King chicken nuggets the other day

They were just offal

Someone once tried to tell me a really boring joke about chicken seasoning

I just said "Boo! Yawn!"

Why should you never order chicken or duck on a first date?

Because no one wants to kiss someone with fowl breath!

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk.

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian's attention, it squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

The librarian complies, putting a couple of books...

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A deaf guy stole his neighbor's chicken

Next morning, she sees him and says "good morning"
He responds "WHAT FUCKING CHICKEN!?"

Why did the pig cross the road?

Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op

Did you guys hear about the chicken farmer who had a tornado go throw the birds' shelter?

He's afraid he'll never be able to recoup his losses

I wanted to make a nice herby chicken dish for dinner but scratched my plans

I didn't have the thyme for it

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side. The chicken knew it was a busy road. The chicken knew he was no longer meant for this world.

what did the singing chicken say when it crossed the road?

Hello from the other sideeeeeeee!!!

Teacher:Kids what does a chicken give you Students: Eggs Teacher: Very good now what does the pig give you Kids: Bacon Teacher: Excellent now what does the fat cow give you

Kids: Homework

Chickens lay eggs, but who lays the chickens?

The rooster of course!

What do you call a person who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender

My mom came up with this and told me to post it so tell me if you enjoy it!

Jacob was a nice old farmer known for his happy chickens.

One day he dies and meets his maker. God tells him that because he took such good care of his chickens he's going to bring him back to earth as one.

So Jacob opens his eyes and he's surrounded by other chickens and straight away asks the nearest one how to lay eggs

The other chickens...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Its lockdown you fool. Chicken goes wherever chicken wants to go...

What did the chicken say to the duck?

Don't go over there mate, you'll never here the end of it.

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What do you call a hotdog made out of chicken?

A cock.

My wife accidentally ordered way too many chicken strips for lunch

She was quite upset about, as she hates wasting food. My daughter I were quite happy to have some tasty junk food for dinner though. I said to my wife "We could do this again, I don't mind eating KFC. I hope this wasn't just a strip tease!"

Chickens are amazing

They’re the only thing you can eat before they are and after they’re dead

Why don’t church ladies like chicken?

They’re offended by their fowl language.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

The chicken, of course. How the hell am I supposed to f*ck an egg?

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(NSFW) So I bought some new male chickens to put on my farm. I just got them home today.

It was a successful cock transplant.

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Deaf Man Steals Chicken

There once was a deaf man named Jeff who lived in the countryside. He had this neighbor, Brad, who raised some chickens in his front yard.

One day, Jeff was was walking by his neighbor's house and saw one fat juicy chicken that caught his eye. Seeing that there was no one around, Jeff stole ...

Buk Buk..... Chicken !

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say,
‘Buk Buk BUK.’

The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk and say,
‘ Buk Buk BuKKOOK!‘

The librari...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To keep 6 feet away, and minimize exposure and contact with other chickens outside the coop during these trying times.

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A chicken has a question for his mother

A young chicken goes to his mom and asks,"why are all of our names just chicken and nothing unique?"
She tells him not to worry and that he'll have a unique name soon, just like his siblings chili chicken, butter chicken and teriyaki chicken.

Why does a chicken coup have two doors?

Because if it had four, it'd be a chicken sedan.

(Some joke I posted on FB years ago before I understood the point of social media.)

Teaching the farm animals to read was going well until the chickens read a book on democracy

Then they staged a Coop d'etat

A cow, a pig, and a chicken walk into a bar-b-q...

The end.

What do serial killers and people who eat fried chicken have in common?

They both think the skin is the best part.

Chicken walking down the road with a book under her wing

Walks past a frog saying: “Book, book, book, book, book”

Frog responds: “Reddit”

How many doors does a chicken coop have?

Three. Two on the sides and one in the BOK

Why did the chicken go to KFC

He wanted to see the chicken strip

What does Kentucky Fried Chicken and me trying to stretch out my last roll of cheap toilet paper have in common?

They're both finger licking good.

How did the chicken go to the other side

He committed suicide

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Well you see, it was deeply depressed. The road was fairly busy and it knew that being hit by a car would be the fastest way to go.

It was trying to get to "The Other Side."

What do you call it when a chicken stops laying eggs?

Henopause

Contender for worst joke of the day: What do you call the offspring of farm chickens?

Children of the Cornish Hens.

Would have been 'better' if I had remembered to write it correctly... (eye roll).

Was supposed to be: What do you call the evil offspring of farm chickens?

Ah well... that's why you don't write distracted. *Though, I just did*

Four farmers are feeding their chickens

The first farmer asks, "So, how do y'all like your chicken?"

The second farmer says, "I like mine roasted with some herbs and spices."

The third farmer says, "I like mine deep fried with some biscuits and gravy."

The fourth farmer takes out a bag of marijuana and feeds it to his...

"Doc I need your help! My brother's crazy he thinks he's a chicken!"

Shocked, the doctor says "Why don't you turn him in?"

"I would but I need the eggs!"

why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

because if they had four doors they would be chicken sedans

literal dad joke, my dad told me this :)

A Chicken Walks Into a Library

A chicken walks into a library and up to the desk.
"Buk", says the chicken. So the librarian gives him a book. The chicken leaves with the book and returns five minutes later. "Buk," he says. So the librarian gives him another book. This goes on about eight more times, until finally the libr...

What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common?

They both contain high amounts of trans fats.

What do you call a chicken who is good at math?

A mathma-chicken! XD

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