Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
After several weeks of fuming at his chickens for making scratches and small dents in the hood of his car he decided to find a solution.
Coincidentally a salesperson came by his house and offered a s...

The blonde, the policeman, the jew, and the chicken from the other side of the road enter a bar.

The bartender stares at them for a few seconds, then asks: "Is this a joke?"

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken

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A duck had sex with a chicken as the rooster watched with great excitement.

This somehow managed to created a new species, which was named after the rooster. Scientist called this species the “Cuck”.

I ordered a chicken and an egg online.

I'll let you guys know.

KFC has asked scientists to edit the chicken genome.

They want something CRISPR.

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Just found out cock fighting is with chickens

12 months of training wasted

A chicken walks into a library, goes up to the desk and says "buk".

So the librarian gives the chicken a book. The chicken walks outside with the book and comes back 5 minutes later without the book.

"Buk, buk" says the chicken again, so the librarian gives it another book, it walks outside and returns with no book.

"Buk, buk" it says, and the same ...

Don't step on the chickens

Three men die and come to the pearly gates. They swing open and they hear the voice of god booming: "Be welcome to heaven, but don't step on the chickens!" and as far as the eye can see there are chickens EVERYWHERE.

One guy is like, "forget this!" and instantly steps on a chicken. They hear ...

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender!

Came up with this while putting chicken tenders out at my old job. lol

What kind of sneakers do chickens wear?

Rebokbokboks

What day do chickens hate most?

Fry-Day !

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What do you get when you mix a chicken and an owl?

A cock that stays up all night.

Due to the current economic situation in the world, I’ve started a dating site for chickens.

It’s not my full-time job, I’m just doing it...
...to make hens meet.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

I own a chicken that counts her own eggs.

She's a mathamachicken.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question."

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(NSFW) I’m still mad at my friend for taking my chicken without asking…

He jacked my cock with no warning at all.

Why does a chicken know what's best for her eggs?

Because she's an Eggspert

My boss asked me why I left a bucket of fried chicken on his doorstep

I told him I was tendering my resignation

How does a chicken imitate a dog?

Bawk Bawk

What came first, the chicken, or the egg?

The chicken, but in all fairness, i cant figure out how to suck an egg.

Why did the chicken stop laying eggs?

Because it was suffering from henopause.

People who keep and look after chickens...

...are literally chicken tenders.

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The Woman and the Farmer

A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that? I just ordered champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'...
This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrat...

I grilled a chicken

I grilled a chicken today for half the day......

And I still don't know why he crossed the road.

Chicken! Duck! Pheasant plucker!

Oh sorry excuse my fowl language.

I had a dream I turned into a young chicken and had trouble changing back to being a human.

Luckily, I was able to pullet off...

They named a chicken joint “Popeye’s...”

...because they stick it in Olive Oil.

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A husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice.

“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.

“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again...

Chicken pie in the Bahamas...

A chicken pie in the Bahamas costs $7, while a shepherd's pie, in Jamaica, costs $8. But a mushroom pie in Bermuda only costs $3.

That's right.

Those are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

Did you know you can order eggs and chickens on Amazon?

I'll let you know which comes first.

Chicken pot pie

My three favourite things!

About the chicken and a donkey

On the farm lived a Chicken and a Donkey, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the Donkey fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the donkey 'hee-hawed' for the chicken to go get the Farmer for help!
Off the Chicken ran, back to the farm. Arri...

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A chicken and an egg are sitting in bed after sex

The chicken turns to the egg and says ‘well, that answers that old question’

I stole this from Sandy from QI

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Why did the chicken go to the toilet?

Because that's where the cocks hang out.

chicken.zip

TL;DR: egg

A Chicken and an Egg were lying in bed.

The Chicken was smoking a cigarette, a satisfied smile on its beak.

The Egg was pouting and looking very frustrated.

Finally, the Egg got up to go to the bathroom. Just before closing the door, it turned around and said to the Chicken:

“Well, I guess we settled THAT questio...

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A poor family lives on a farm and they rely on their chickens for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find the chicken coop empty and the corpses of chickens on the ground.

"There’s nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad and the chickens on the ground.

...

My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens.

He got the money for nothing, and the chicks for free.

Him "I know we agreed to trade my cheese for your chicken, but I forgot the cheese at home. Will you still give me the chicken?"

Her "Absolutely not! You know what they say: 'No parm, no fowl!'".

Where do revolutionary chickens live?

The chicken coup!

What is it called when you hook up with a chicken?

A poultry

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

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Old man Sitting on his front porch. (Long)

One afternoon he see a kid ride past on his bike with a roll of chicken wire. The old guy asks: "Where are you heading with that chicken wire son?"

"I'm gonna catch me some chickens down at the park".

"You don't catch chickens with chicken wire"

The old feller shakes his head ...

When you think about it, almost all chickens that live are just..

Pretenders

I've chicken proofed my lawn

It's impeccable

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide! My 5 year old told me this. I'm sure it isn't OC, but I got a chuckle.

What do you get when a chicken lays its eggs on the top of a hill?

Egg rolls.

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Did you hear the one about the guy who fucked a chicken?

A man named Steve just turned 30, and was still a virgin.

He decided that it was finally time to change that, and decided to drive down to the nearest brothel, a good 4 hours away.

When he arrived and asked the owner for a lady to accompany him, he was told “Unfortunately, all of our...

Q:Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To visit his friend the dummy.

M: Knock knock

Y: Who's there

M: Your friend the chicken!

[My 7yo told me this one and caught me off guard...]

Chicken or the egg

I went out dressed like a chicken last night... ... and I met a girl who was dressed like an egg. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: it was the chicken.

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A horse and a chicken were walking down a country road when they saw some corn in a ditch just across the road.

The horse walked over to eat the corn.

Before he got to the corn, he became stuck in the mud. For all his trying he could not get out of the mud.

So he tells the chicken "Hey, go over to that farm house and get some help to get me out of this mud.”

When the chicken gets to the f...

I’ve started investing in stocks; beef, chicken and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

If you’re a furry, and get turned on by chickens

Are you a Hen-Thigh enthusiast?

Why did the chicken cross the road? Let's make a list

Let's make a list of all the reasons why the chicken crossed the road!

Chicken Addiction

A guy really wanted to eat chicken. He was craving it for a while and he decided to go get some. But, he didn't want any of the fast food type chicken. So, he decided to cook it himself.

He goes to the butcher to buy it. The butcher gave him a live chicken. The man, surprised, asked the butch...

Why don't chicken wear underwear?

Cuz their peckers on their face

So I have this chicken that listens to nothing but classical music...

All she wants is “Bach Bach Bach”.


That is all.

My non-vegetarian friend told me to eat chicken, it's very healthy.

I said no, it WAS healthy but you ate it.

A man is driving down a country road going 45mph, and all the sudden he notices a chicken running next to him.

He couldn't believe his eyes, how could a chicken run so fast?

So he speeds up to 60mph to outrun the chicken, and after a few seconds the chicken has caught up to him! He simply can't believe it, he shakes his head and looks back and suddenly the chicken is gone. But no! He looks ahead an...

A man was driving his car when he saw a three-legged chicken dart across the road at an incredible speed...

Intrigued, he slammed his brakes and watched the chicken run to a farm so fast he couldn't believe it.

The man quickly turned into the farm's driveway and drove to the farmhouse. Upon reaching it the farmer emerged and asked, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Did you see a three-legged ...

What skin conditions do chickens get?

Eggsma.

There were 30 students but only 28 chicken nuggets. How many kids didn’t get nuggets?

Ten. Why? Because only twenty ate chicken nuggets.

A chicken goes into a library.

He goes up to the counter.

“Book book book!” He squawks.

Amused, the librarian grabs three random books from the return stack and gives them to the chicken who leaves with them.

The next day the chicken returns the three books and says “book book book” again. He gets his three ...

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if it had 4 it would be a Chicken sedan.

What happened when the brown chicken met the brown cow?

Brown-chicken-brown-cow

there were 30 cows and 28 chicken. how many didnt?

10

What is a chickens favorite type of beer?

Double Bock.

Why did the chicken cross the room?

It was an inside joke.

What do you call a chicken with no legs?

A speedbump because it isn't crossing the road in time.

What do you call 2 divorced chickens?

An eggs couple.

Why is it alright to debone a chicken

but boning a chicken gets you arrested.

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How do you make jerk chicken?

Give him a red hat and an outdated election flag.

What do you call a chicken with a lettuce in his eye?

Chicken sees a salad

Why doesn't the Government let chickens build their own houses?

Because they'll make a coup.

Original... hopefully

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A man and a chicken walk into a small restaurant

A man and a chicken walk into a small restaurant, they sit down, and the waitress takes their order, the man says "I'll have a number 5 with a large coffee", and the chicken says "I will have that as well". When they finished their meal, the man walks up to the counter to pay, and he reaches into hi...

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I asked my Jamaican friend to explain to me what "Jerk Chicken" is...

...he said it's the chicken that none of the other chickens liked.

Math Teacher: Your homework looks like chicken scratch, but you have all the correct answers

Later at Home: I think she’s on to us, mathmachicken

(Must be a nerd to get this one) Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the other... oh... never mind.



Context: a mobius strip is an object with the interesting property of only having one side.

Running a chicken farm is more complicated than I thought

There are so many layers...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To social distance.

(Credit to my 10 year old niece for coming up with this one.)

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Why did the pervert cross the road?

His dick was stuck in a chicken.

- Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

What do you call chicken nugget's served in a pub?

Bar-tenders

I made a chicken salad yesterday

"was it any good?"

I don't think so, he only ate the croutons

My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece..........with a biscuit

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A peep of baby chickens were stuck in a hole

A rooster comes along and immediately offers to help, he runs back to the farm to get farmer’s BMW to pull out the baby chickens.

While the rooster was on his way to the farm, a horse comes along and stands over the hole, lowers his penis into the hole forming a ramp and all the chickens run...

What do you call an adult female chicken that likes to draft blueprints?

A Hen-gineer

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(NSFW) A horse and a baby chicken were playing in the barnyard...

...when the horse fell into some quicksand. The baby chicken, wanting to help his friend, goes to find the farmer for assistance but he’s nowhere to be found. The baby chicken finds the farmer’s Aston Martin in the garage, however, so he backs it up to the quicksand. He then ties some rope around th...

What is a chickens favorite vegetable?

Bawk choy

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Do you know why chicken breasts are so meaty?

They are always working on their pecks.

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My favorite joke

I went to go visit my friend Chuck on his farm out in Greater Minnesota, and he's showing off his barn, crops, and livestock. When we get to the swine corral, there's an enormous boar... with three wooden legs.

So I ask him, "why does that pig have three wooden legs?"

"Well, Steve, tha...

What are some jokes with multiple punchlines? Here is an example what i mean:

A journalist was about to interview a company that advertised 100% chicken meat sausages.
The interviewer asked if the sausages are realy 100% chicken meat.
Company director:"well this is a secret, but for the sausages to remain juicy, we need to add some horse meat"
Interviewer: "Horse mea...

My best friend is a chicken

I don't really wanna be friends with him but he sure does know a lot of chicks

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You don't see a lot of chickens in Cubism

I guess no one likes a Cock Blocker.

What can a chicken do that a man can’t?

Eat with it’s pecker.

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking.

He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, ...

Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?

There wasn’t a crosswalk obviously, he wasn’t going to jaywalk

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Your sign outside says 3 strippers for 4.99... We talking topless or fully nude?"

"Sir this is Dominoes pizza. They're chicken strippers."

"Ok ok, now the price makes sense... How long is each dance?"

Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road.

Because his wife left him.

Why did the chicken cross the road?







To take a photo in front of a church.

What sound does a square chicken make?

"Block, block."

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