Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?









Because when he asked them their favorite composer, they said Bach Bach bach

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

What do you call a chicken that is a ghost?

a poultrygeist


Ill be taking my downvotes in advance thanks

From my 7 year old son: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

The Story of a Man and his Chicken

Back in the before-times, people were allowed to go to these things called "movies". This one guy wanted to bring his pet chicken to one of these movies, but unbeknownst to him, chickens weren't allowed in the theater. So, distraught, the man headed home with his chicken.

But on the way, he w...

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(NSFW) A horse and a baby chicken were playing in the barnyard...

...when the horse fell into some quicksand. The baby chicken, wanting to help his friend, goes to find the farmer for assistance but he’s nowhere to be found. The baby chicken finds the farmer’s Aston Martin in the garage, however, so he backs it up to the quicksand. He then ties some rope around th...

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

Why did the chicken cross the road? (punchline is different)

different

What do you call a group of racist white chickens

COO CLUCKS CLAN

The Chicken House Joke

A little boy and girl were playing outside on the farm when it started raining so they ran into the chicken house. They had a lot of fun in there so it became their favorite place to play.
Several years later, the girl said “I think we should stop playing in the chicken house.”
The boy aske...

The best soup stock is made by boiling chicken feet for hours and hours

After all, it's made from scratch.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To bock traffic.
(A kid I work with told this to me with the biggest grin on their face, I had a laugh and felt the need to share this.)

When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken.

"Nothing special", he explained. "We just tell them they're going to die."

I started up a dating site for chickens, but it's not my main job, I'm just doing it…

…to make hens meet.

What do you call a bunch of chickens in a two-doored car trying to overthrow the government?

A coop coupe coup.

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking.

He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, ...

What the first bit of a pleasure a baby chicken gets?

It gets laid!

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order Chicken Surprise

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He has...

There's beef burgers made out of beef, and chicken burgers made out of chicken, but no burgers made out of pork.

They could call it a hamburger.

What did the angry chicken say to the farmer?

I'm in a fowl mood.

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Are you a chicken farmer?

Cause you sure know how to raise a cock

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Guy goes to a therapist. He says, "Doc, I live in constant fear that I'm a grain of corn and there's a giant chicken out there who wants to eat me."

Doctor says, "That's obviously absurd."

The doctor works with the man over the course of three years to finally convince him that he's not a grain of corn that a giant chicken wants to eat.

Finally cured, the man leaves. He's back the next day. The doctor says, "Why are you back."
...

What do you call a group of 10 chickens and 5 crows

A murder most fowl

I have started investing in stocks. Chicken, vegetables and beef....

One day I hope to be a bouillionaire.

What do you call a Mexican space chicken?

Apollo.

Why doesn't Chick-fil-a have a double chicken sandwich?

2 chicks together isn't really their thing.

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The farmer

A farmer walks upstairs to his bedroom with a chicken under his arm and stands before his wife.

“This is the pig I’ve been fucking”

His wife rolls over and sees the farmer.

“You idiot that’s a chicken”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP IM TALKIN TO THE CHICKEN”

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I asked my wife, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

Without hesitation, she responded, “The Rooster did. The rooster always cums first.”

A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken running down the road.

He was amused enough to drive along side it for a while, as he was driving he noticed the chicken was running 30 mph.

Pretty fast chicken, he thought, I wonder just how fast it can run. So he sped up and the chicken did too! They were now moving along the road at 45 mph!

The man in the...

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Neither, it was the rooster.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

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A chicken and egg are furiously having sex.

The chicken climaxes, rolls over and starts smoking a cigarette. "Well I guess that settles *that*,"she says.

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiots house.

...

*KNOCK KNOCK*

"Who's there?"

The Chicken.

What’s the difference between an artist and a KFC chicken bucket?

A KFC chicken bucket can feed a family of 4

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Today , I learnt that cock fights were chickens fighting!

Months of training wasted!

Why was the chicken dead on the side of the road?

Because the road had been crossed for the last time.

Why was the chicken playing frogger?

Have to work from home during the pandemic.

My pet chicken loves classical music. He always asks by name for his favorite

Bach.

A man wanted a chicken of his own to lay fresh eggs for him. He went to a farm supply store that had chickens and tried to buy one, but he was denied because he wasn't a registered farmer. The clerk said, "Sorry sir. . ."

"No farm, no fowl."

Why did the chicken go into the restaurant?

To see a chicken strip.

(if someone already said this joke before, I'm sorry, I didn't see it)

I developed a successful chicken social network app to make more money.

I didn’t do it for the glory I did it to make hens meet.

Why aren't chickens not allowed to enter the church?

Because they only use fowl language.

So, I trained a chicken to talk

WIFE: Well, let’s see

ME: What’s a male deer?

CHICKEN: Buck

ME: How much is 200 pennies?

CHICKEN: Buck Buck

WIFE: This is stupid. Chickens just make that sound

ME: Oh believe me it gets better

CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan

Why did the chicken cross the road?







To take a photo in front of a church.

I was planning on visiting Cheltenham but I chickened out at the last second.

Turns out I’m Gloucesterphobic

Why did the chicken cross the road softly?

Cause he had a bung leg and he couldn't walk hardly

A posh guy walks into a restaurant and demands the waiter to serve him a chicken from Suffolk

The waiter says "Very well! Take a seat, sir! I shall check with the chef and see what we have to offer."

So the waiter goes to the kitchen and after asking for a chicken from Suffolk the chef looks at him with a strange face. He hands him a random cooked chicken and tells him to bring that ...

Why doesnt Dracula attack chickens

Because their blood is fowl

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The answer is not quite clear but it did affect the geopolitical structure and landscape of western civilization by becoming prey for KFC.

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If a chicken and a duck laid an egg that hatched

Would the offspring be called a Cuck or a Dick

Chicken restaurants are pretty redundant when you think about it...

They just trade one type of tender for another.

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say

‘Buk Buk BUK.’
The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk and say,
‘ Buk Buk BuKKOOK!‘
The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books. The chickens leave as before. The ...

What's a chickens favourite adult film genre?

Hen-tie.

Why did the chicken went to KFC?

To see a chicken strip.

I have a chicken proof lawn...

It's impeccable.

I used my stimulus check to buy baby chickens

Money for nothing, and the chicks for free

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Apperantley some guy just found out cock fighting is done with chickens

He said he lost 2 years worth of training

WHERE DID HE TRAIN?

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A chicken was walking along a river and noticed a cat

The cat slipped and fell into the river and the chicken couldn’t stop laughing.

Moral of the story: A wet pussy makes a cock happy.

I ordered a Chicken and an Egg from Amazon

Ill let you know!

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk.

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian's attention, it squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

The librarian complies, putting a couple of books...

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A priest kept chickens at his village.

One evening, the cock went missing.

At the church mass prayer gathering, the priest asked, "Who has a cock?"... all the men stand up.

"No, I meant who has seen a cock?"... all the women get up.

"No no no! Who has seen a cock that isn't their's?"... Half the women stay standing.<...

Who is a chicken's favorite composer?

Bach

The chicken I had was really bad.

You could say it was because it had a fowl taste.

An Old Man approaches the window of A Cinema with A Chicken on His Shoulder & asks for 2 Tickets

An Old Man approaches the window of A Cinema with A Chicken on His Shoulder & asks for 2 Tickets.

The Girl at the Counter wants to know who is going in with Him.

He replies, "Well, My Pet Chicken, of course."

"I'm sorry," The Girl tells him. "We can't allow Animals in the ...

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An English man meets a Chinese woman in his travels...

They fall in love and live a happy life in England. The woman, however cannot speak in English and has to have her husband translate for her. One day, the man was rather busy and asked his wife to make duck breast. She goes to the butcher but then realizes she doesn’t know how to tell him what she w...

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I had a dream that I was having sex with a chicken in an elevator...

It was wrong on so many levels.

What do you call a caretaker of chickens?

A chicken tender

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I just found out that cockfighting is done with chickens.

12 months of training fucking wasted.

A man goes into a pub with a chicken under one arm and biscuit tin full of holes under the other...

The bartender tells him "You can't bring that in here."

The man replies- "I think you'll change your mind about that once you've seen what it can do. In fact, you'll probably want to buy her."

The bar was quiet at that particular time of day- so the bartender humours him to see what he...

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So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

Chicken soup is healthy for you.

As long as you’re not the chicken.

A horse is sitting at home, bored, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the ...

A Chicken, a Priest, and A Duck walk into a bar. The duck turns to the chicken and says..

'Who invited the Turkey?'

They named a chicken joint “Popeye’s...”

...because they stick it in Olive Oil.

Have you heard of the upcoming movie where a time traveller gets transformed into a chicken?

It's called Bawk to the Future.

A Chicken tried out to be the new spokesperson for Chick-Fil-A

Unfortunately, she didn't meat egg-spectations.









(I'm not sorry)

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A family is driving through the prairies their car when they look over and see a chicken in a field running along beside them.

They are stunned, can’t believe this chicken is keeping pace with 50 km/h! So they speed up to 60.

The chicken speeds up and is again keeping pace with their mini van. The kids are amazed and the parents are confused. So they speed up to 80.

Again the chicken keeps up! They are in disb...

My chickens were laying to many eggs so I had to sell their coop.

They now have a chicken sedan.

Put some lettuce, sliced tomatoes, cucumber in front of a chicken, what does it see?

The chicken sees a salad!

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In a farmhouse this horse and a chicken..

...they’ve been friends for a long time.

One day the chicken wakes up to this screaming and runs out of the farmer's house only to find the horse in a pit of mud sinking.

Chicken says, “holy shit, how the fuck did you end up in here?”

Horse explains “I’m eating a little food, a ...

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A farmer walks into his bedroom with a chicken.

His wife grumpily asks, "why did you bring that in? Aren't we going to sleep?"

He says "Look, this is the pig I have sex with then you give me a headache."

"That's a chicken, you idiot," says his wife.

The farmer looks at her.

"I wasn't talking to you."

What kind of tree does a chicken grow on?

A poultry.

(came up with that in the shower)

Why did the chicken of destiny cross the road?

Robert Frost: "To cross the road less traveled by."

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: "The eternal hen-principle made it do it."

Ralph Waldo Emerson: "It didn't cross the road; it TRANSCENDED it."

.
.
.

... Ernest Hemingway (*whispers*): "To die. In the rain."

A chicken walks into a library, and says to the librarian: "Book, book, book"

The librarian hands out three books to the chicken.

On the way out the chicken runs into a frog and shows him the books and says: "Book, book, book"

The frog replies: "Reddit, reddit, reddit"

What do you get when you put a chicken, a cow, and a pig together?

A hotdog.

So if a Chicken carries salmonella, and a Cow carries e-coli, what does a pig carry?

A gun, a badge, and a "get out of jail free" card.

A farmer bragged to his friend about his smart chickens

"How do you know they're smart?"

"They love classical music! That's smarty-pants music right there."

"And how do you know that's what they like?"

"Every morning, I say to the chickens 'What music for today?' and they ask for their favorite composer: 'Bach, Bach, Bach!'"

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What sort of pornography does chickens watch?

Hen-tai

Did you here the one about the chicken that crossed the road?

The road got him back though.

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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.

She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little...

Why did Captain Kirk’s chicken cross the road?

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before

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Have you heard about the matador de toros that fought with a chicken in his hand?

It’s just another cock and bull story.

What's a chicken's favorite console?

An EGGS box

Once upon a time there was a poor Indian farmer who was trying to grow chickens...

Once upon a time there was a poor Indian farmer who was trying to grow chickens. The fellow planted eggs and watered them day after day but all to no avail. So the farmer went to the government office to complain. After meeting with one Indian bureaucrat and telling his story he was advised that not...

Would you rather eat a chicken leg or a shooting star?

You'd probably say the chicken, but I'd pick the star... it's a little meteor.

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A farmer went out to check on his chickens and saw that the cock was missing.

Well he also happen to be the pastor of the town and the following Sunday before they started the sermon he asked
"Who has a cock?" All the men stood up.
"No i mean who has seen a cock?" All the women got up.
"No i mean who has seen a cock that isn't theirs?" Half the women stood up.
"...

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A Psychologist once had a patient who masturbated with a raw chicken

He had a crippling addiction where he would masturbate with a raw chicken. This was really harming his social life and he became a recluse. His psychologist suggested he went cold turkey.

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The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

Mr. President, why did the chicken cross the road?

That is a terrible question.

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