A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, “Book.”

The librarian says, “You want a book?”

“Book.”

“Any book?”

“Book.”

So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, “Bookbook.”

The librarian says, “Now you want two books?”

“Book-book.”

So she...

Why did the chicken go to the gym?

To build up it's pecs.

(apologies in advance. I made this up).

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?



Neither. **The rooster came, and got the hen laid in the process.**



*(Biologist's answer: At some point a distant relative of the chicken laid an egg, and the mutations expressed in the chick's DNA would have it hatch as the first modern chicken - so the egg had to come first ...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because of a rotten banana or whatever.

I've learned that "Chicken Kiev" is a misnomer

There's nothing chicken about them.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know.

A chicken saw a duck standing by the side of the road. The chicken called out to the duck:

Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the dummies house.

Knock knock... Who's there?

A chicken.

My 6 year old nephew's favorite joke. Tells it every chance he gets.

A librarian is at work at a pubic library and sees a chicken walk in.

The chicken walks up to the counter and says "book, book, book, book."

This continues until the librarian passes a book to the chicken who takes it and pushes it out the door.

A few minutes later the chicken comes right back on, pushes the book up to the counter and says "book, book, b...

which came first, the chicken or the egg?

the chicken, silly! eggs don't have legs, so it would still be stuck on the starting line when the chicken crossed the finish.

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“Do you know the difference between a dick and a chicken leg?”

“Nope.”

“Wanna’ go on a picnic?”

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A farmer brought a chicken and a duck to the morning market

A buyer comes along and asks "how much for the chicken?"

The chicken replies "MORE THAN IT COSTS TO FUCK YOUR MOTHER FOR A NIGHT"

The buyer, understandably taken aback, asks the farmer what's up with the chicken.

The farmer replies: "Don't think too much of it. He's just fowl mo...

Why’d the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fowls.

3 Legged Chicken

One day I was driving down the road and I saw a three-legged chicken. This chicken was staying beside me the whole time and so I start to go about 70 mph.

Well after a while of racing this chicken I pulled up to the farm it stopped at and talked to the farmer. I said, "Why do you hav...

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An artistic chicken

A guy walks into a bar with a chicken under his arm and orders a beer. "Hey, you can't bring a live chicken into the bar," the bartender admonishes him. "But this is a famous chicken. She can actually draw beautiful portraits of anyone," the guy tells the bartender. So the bartender asks for a demon...

I have a chicken proof lawn

It's impeccable

Why did the plant-based chicken cross the road?

Idk, it’s beyond meat.

Mexican word of the day: Chicken Finger

I caught my wife cheating on me, I don't need her no more, Chicken Finger herself

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Bought chicken to make sandwiches.

It doesn't. Just shits on the floor.

When I went out for supper, I asked the waiter if he knew how they prepared their chickens....

and he said "Nothing special, we just tell them they're going to die."

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

A stubborn chicken

There was once a stubborn chicken at Mr. Wiley's farm who always used to find ways to escape out the back.

Mr. Wiley decided to put a fence around chicken house, but being a stubborn chicken, he still managed to escape out the back.

Then Mr. Wiley decided to put it in a cage. But chick...

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What is a chicken's favorite kind of porn?

Buhgawke

A raw chicken strip dreams of being cooked and enjoyed one day

Until then, it's just a pre-tender.

how did the chicken take over the hen house?

in a coop d’etat

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A young man is walking down the road carrying chicken wire

He passes by this old man’s house and the old man says, “Hey son, what are you doing with that chicken wire?” The young man says, “I’m going to catch me some chickens.” The old man laughs and says, “You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire.” So the young man keeps walking. But sure enough, later t...

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Donkey, Chicken, Rooster

A man was walking down the road with his donkey, chicken, and rooster. Along the way, the donkey kept stopping and reaching up with his back leg to scratch himself, but he never seemed to hit the spot. The man was frustrated with the donkey, but couldn’t help it, since he was holding the chicken and...

I went to a theme party dressed as a chicken!!

There I met a girl dressed as an egg.
Together we answered the age old question.

Yes, the chicken!

Why did the chicken cross-

Nvm, a car hit it.

A chicken and an egg are in bed having a post coital cigarette.

With a sigh of disappointment the chicken says, “Well that answers that age old question.”

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A husband notices that his wife’s hearing is deteriorating, and decides to visit her doctor for advice.

“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.



“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and a...

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The Horse and Chicken

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some...

What do you call people who take care of chickens?

Chicken tenders

How do you get milk and eggs if all you have is chickens?

You get the eggs from the first chicken. Then you get the milk from the udder chicken.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it had crippling depression, it was constantly reminded that it's life was worthless to those it was looked down on by. A mere piece of meat, not a living creature, worthy of respect, and dignity. It didn't want to live in a constant state of fear and depression, knowing that it's only purpo...

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
After several weeks of fuming at his chickens for making scratches and small dents in the hood of his car he decided to find a solution.
Coincidentally a salesperson came by his house and offered a s...

Lots of people want chicken fingers

But a very few wants to finger chickens

Why do chickens make good dollar store employees?

Whenever you ask them the price they say "Buck buck buck buuuuuuck,"

What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce?

Chicken Caesar salad

Why shouldn't you vote for a chicken?

When their day is over, they'll go for a coup.

A French woman and a Spanish man had recently gotten married and moved to Spain.

The woman could not speak Spanish so whenever she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would raise her skirt a little and show her thighs which the seller understood.
One day, she wanted to buy bananas so she brought her husband with him.





As her husband could speak Spanish.

A chicken walks into a bar

"oops, i'm in the wrong joke"

Inspired by the chicken jokes

Why did Adele cross the road?








To sing hello from the otherside

A horse, a chicken and a Harley

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the ...

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken

Jim walked into a bar....

Jim, walked into a bar and aggressively shouted his order to the bartender

”Please give me a plate of chicken wings and then give everyone half a kilo steak and mutton, cause when I eat,
I want everyone to eat!”

The bartender complies, by giving Jim a plate of chicken wings and eve...

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Cocks

A priest kept chickens at his village. One evening the cock went missing. At the church pass prayer gathering, the priest asked:
-“Who has a cock?”…All the men got up.
-“No I meant who has seen a cock?”…All the women got up.
-“No,no, Who has seen a cock that isn’t theirs?”…Half the women go...

Why is chicken a hoe?

Because chicken strips.

I like my saviors like I like my chicken wings

Tender and mild

What did the cook say after he finished putting smoked chicken and avocado into a soft flatbread?

"That's a wrap"

Due to the current economic situation in the world, I’ve started a dating site for chickens.

It’s not my full-time job, I’m just doing it...
...to make hens meet.

When my next door neighbour started throwing chunks of chicken, lamb, beef & pork off his roof, I thought “Wow...

...a meatier shower”.

You know, we've had it wrong all along, when it comes to the question of what came first, the chicken or the egg

The answer has always been the rooster.

A man buys a parrot and brings him home.

But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at h...

How did a man buy a house with a chicken finger?

It was legal tender

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

I had a hen who could count her own eggs..

She was a mathmachicken.

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A teacher tells her student to tell a story with a moral in it.

Little Johnny says, "All right. I got one. There's a horse and chicken playing in the meadow and the horse falls into the quicksand. He says 'Hurry up! Go get the farmer! Get me out of here!' The chicken runs back to the farm, but the farmer is nowhere to be seen."

"Oh my," the teacher gasps ...

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

Cause when he asked them who their favorite composer was, they all said "Bach, Bach, Bach"

How did the chicken cross the road?

In a KFC 20 piece bucket

Did you know that chicken strips are a new form of currency in some areas?

They’re considered legal “tender”

What did the duck tell the other duck in the war between chickens and ducks

“ENEMY FIRING EGGS! DUCK!”

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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters, “Well, I guess we answered THAT question!”

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

I roasted a chicken for dinner tonight.

I told it that it was so ugly it could be a Turkey, and that it laid horrible eggs.

So a chicken walks into a bar...

Fellow is about to order a beer, when the bartender cuts him off -

> Pardon, but we're closing early tonight - my wife's birthday! And we did last call a few minutes ago.

> Why don't you try the place across the street?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Well the chicken had a chip on his shoulder, and the road grew tired of the chicken's attitude.

KFC has asked scientists to edit the chicken genome.

They want something CRISPR.

A chicken walks into a library, goes up to the desk and says "buk".

So the librarian gives the chicken a book. The chicken walks outside with the book and comes back 5 minutes later without the book.

"Buk, buk" says the chicken again, so the librarian gives it another book, it walks outside and returns with no book.

"Buk, buk" it says, and the same ...

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop....

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and ...

What do they call a male chicken in britain?

Rorchestershire

What did the chicken say when he crossed the road?

I'll be bawk.

What kind of vegetable is a chickens favorite?

Bok Bok Choy

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A duck had sex with a chicken as the rooster watched with great excitement.

This somehow managed to created a new species, which was named after the rooster. Scientist called this species the “Cuck”.

What kind of Chicken does Matthew McConaughey like from KFC?

All white, All White, All white.

A woman sends her husband to the market to sell a goat.

After selling it, he stopped by the blacksmith and bought a vise and a basket. He put the vise in the basket and headed home. On his way back, he saw a merchant selling livestock.
Having leftover money, he decided to buy a duck as well. The merchant tells him:
"Listen mister, I only have these...

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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

Why did the chicken marry the crocodile?

Because crocodooladoo is a good family name.

A rooster smokes marijuana and walks in a circle. What is the name for the ratio of the circumference of that circle to its diameter?

Chicken pot pi

How long can you keep a chicken in the freezer?

I asked my neighbour, “how long can you keep a chicken in the freezer?”

She said, “about a month or so”

Me, “that’s strange, I put one in last night and this morning it was dead”

Why does a chicken coupe have two doors?

If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!





The spelling was intentional don't @me

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To gent to the Gents Toilets where all the cocks hang out.


Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because he had his finger stuck in the chickens ass

The chicken walked into a library...

chicken walked into a public library, marched up to the desk and said, “Bok, bok , bok, bok.”

So, the librarian handed the bird a book, the chicken accepted it and then left.

Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, threw the book on the desk and said, “Bok, bok, bok, bok.”

Once...

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Don't Eat Chicken Sandwiches!

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwi...

What happened when the chicken was found stealing from work?

He was forced to tender his resignation.

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Why do so many people use baby chickens as Therapists?

Because everything they say is cheap

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Just found out cock fighting is with chickens

12 months of training wasted

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Three-legged chicken

One day, a man was driving on a highway in the Midwest. As he is driving along, minding his own business, a sudden dust cloud appears on his left. He looks to his left and to his shock, sees a chicken with what appeared to be three legs along side the car. Looking down, at the speedometer, he exclai...

What is the difference between a roast chicken and a pea soup?

Everybody can roast a chicken.

A chicken and an egg are sitting in bed.

A chicken and an egg are sitting in bed. The chicken frowns and crosses its arms. The smiling egg gets out a pack of cigarettes and lights up a smoke.

Well... that answers that question.

I used to work for Chicken of the Sea, until a new supervisor became convinced that I was actually a tuna disguised as a human

It was because of this that I was later wrongfully canned

Don't step on the chickens

Three men die and come to the pearly gates. They swing open and they hear the voice of god booming: "Be welcome to heaven, but don't step on the chickens!" and as far as the eye can see there are chickens EVERYWHERE.

One guy is like, "forget this!" and instantly steps on a chicken. They hear ...

If you cut off a chickens head it can still run around for a little bit

If you cut off its legs it cannot

My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens.

He got the money for nothing, and the chicks for free.

Chicken pot pie

My three favourite things!

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

If it had 4 it'd be a chicken sedan!

Why did the chicken listen to The Doors?

To break on through to the other side.

What kind of sneakers do chickens wear?

Rebokbokboks

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender!

Came up with this while putting chicken tenders out at my old job. lol

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is using a feather.

Perverted is using the whole chicken.

What is the favourite dessert of Greek chickens?

BAWK-lava

/sorry

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Did you hear the one about the guy who fucked a chicken?

A man named Steve just turned 30, and was still a virgin.

He decided that it was finally time to change that, and decided to drive down to the nearest brothel, a good 4 hours away.

When he arrived and asked the owner for a lady to accompany him, he was told “Unfortunately, all of our...

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