Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?









Because when he asked them their favorite composer, they said Bach Bach bach

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk.

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian's attention, it squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

The librarian complies, putting a couple of books...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.


Joe ...

Why did the chicken cross the road?







To take a photo in front of a church.

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking.

He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, ...

What do you call a chicken haunting your home?

A Poultrygeist.

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Apperantley some guy just found out cock fighting is done with chickens

He said he lost 2 years worth of training

WHERE DID HE TRAIN?

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A priest kept chickens at his village.

One evening, the cock went missing.

At the church mass prayer gathering, the priest asked, "Who has a cock?"... all the men stand up.

"No, I meant who has seen a cock?"... all the women get up.

"No no no! Who has seen a cock that isn't their's?"... Half the women stay standing.<...

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A chicken was walking along a river and noticed a cat

The cat slipped and fell into the river and the chicken couldn’t stop laughing.

Moral of the story: A wet pussy makes a cock happy.

Have you heard of the upcoming movie where a time traveller gets transformed into a chicken?

It's called Bawk to the Future.

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I just found out that cockfighting is done with chickens.

12 months of training fucking wasted.

I used my stimulus check to buy baby chickens

Money for nothing, and the chicks for free

So, I trained a chicken to talk

WIFE: Well, let’s see

ME: What’s a male deer?

CHICKEN: Buck

ME: How much is 200 pennies?

CHICKEN: Buck Buck

WIFE: This is stupid. Chickens just make that sound

ME: Oh believe me it gets better

CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan

A man goes into a pub with a chicken under one arm and biscuit tin full of holes under the other...

The bartender tells him "You can't bring that in here."

The man replies- "I think you'll change your mind about that once you've seen what it can do. In fact, you'll probably want to buy her."

The bar was quiet at that particular time of day- so the bartender humours him to see what he...

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I had a dream that I was having sex with a chicken in an elevator...

It was wrong on so many levels.

What do you call a caretaker of chickens?

A chicken tender

My chickens were laying to many eggs so I had to sell their coop.

They now have a chicken sedan.

They named a chicken joint “Popeye’s...”

...because they stick it in Olive Oil.

Why does a Chicken Coop have two doors?

‘Cause if it had four doors, it would be a Chicken Sedan





...Sorry...

I ordered a Chicken and an Egg from Amazon

Ill let you know!

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A family is driving through the prairies their car when they look over and see a chicken in a field running along beside them.

They are stunned, can’t believe this chicken is keeping pace with 50 km/h! So they speed up to 60.

The chicken speeds up and is again keeping pace with their mini van. The kids are amazed and the parents are confused. So they speed up to 80.

Again the chicken keeps up! They are in disb...

Put some lettuce, sliced tomatoes, cucumber in front of a chicken, what does it see?

The chicken sees a salad!

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

Would you rather eat a chicken leg or a shooting star?

You'd probably say the chicken, but I'd pick the star... it's a little meteor.

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Have you heard about the matador de toros that fought with a chicken in his hand?

It’s just another cock and bull story.

A Chicken tried out to be the new spokesperson for Chick-Fil-A

Unfortunately, she didn't meat egg-spectations.









(I'm not sorry)

Mr. President, why did the chicken cross the road?

That is a terrible question.

A chicken and an egg are laying in bed together

The egg is smoking a cigarette. It turns to the chicken and says " I guess that answers that question"

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. ...

Once upon a time there was a poor Indian farmer who was trying to grow chickens...

Once upon a time there was a poor Indian farmer who was trying to grow chickens. The fellow planted eggs and watered them day after day but all to no avail. So the farmer went to the government office to complain. After meeting with one Indian bureaucrat and telling his story he was advised that not...

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In a farmhouse this horse and a chicken..

...they’ve been friends for a long time.

One day the chicken wakes up to this screaming and runs out of the farmer's house only to find the horse in a pit of mud sinking.

Chicken says, “holy shit, how the fuck did you end up in here?”

Horse explains “I’m eating a little food, a ...

A farmer bragged to his friend about his smart chickens

"How do you know they're smart?"

"They love classical music! That's smarty-pants music right there."

"And how do you know that's what they like?"

"Every morning, I say to the chickens 'What music for today?' and they ask for their favorite composer: 'Bach, Bach, Bach!'"

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So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

Dad: Idk never played animal crossing

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he wanted to get to the smart person's house!

Knock knock

Who's there?

It's the chicken!

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What do you call Chinese chicken served in Europe?

...
...
...
Cock Asian

What do chickens play in the pool?

Marco Pollo

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What sort of pornography does chickens watch?

Hen-tai

A chicken walks into a library, and says to the librarian: "Book, book, book"

The librarian hands out three books to the chicken.

On the way out the chicken runs into a frog and shows him the books and says: "Book, book, book"

The frog replies: "Reddit, reddit, reddit"

What kind of tree does a chicken grow on?

A poultry.

(came up with that in the shower)

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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.

She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little...

Did you hear about the chicken who became dictator.

It started with a coo.

What side of the chicken has more feathers?

The outside

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A Psychologist once had a patient who masturbated with a raw chicken

He had a crippling addiction where he would masturbate with a raw chicken. This was really harming his social life and he became a recluse. His psychologist suggested he went cold turkey.

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A farmer went out to check on his chickens and saw that the cock was missing.

Well he also happen to be the pastor of the town and the following Sunday before they started the sermon he asked
"Who has a cock?" All the men stood up.
"No i mean who has seen a cock?" All the women got up.
"No i mean who has seen a cock that isn't theirs?" Half the women stood up.
"...

What do you call a gang of racist chickens?

The cluck cluck clan.

My little niece told me this joke: Why do chickens have legs?

So people can eat drumsticks

I thought 'Chicken Run' was supposed to be a kids film.

But it's full of fowl language.

I just removed a Wig, some Lipstick and two Chicken Fillets off my racecar...

You could say I significantly reduced the drag.

Ever hear about that small chicken that inhabited a Parisian opera house?

It was called the bantam of the opera!

What's a chicken's favorite console?

An EGGS box

Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side.

So if a Chicken carries salmonella, and a Cow carries e-coli, what does a pig carry?

A gun, a badge, and a "get out of jail free" card.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Trick question, it was actually the rooster.

A man has a chicken on his head

He goes to the movie theater and says, "I'd like 2 tickets please."

The kid at the booth says, "You can't bring your chicken in here."

So the man walks around the block and puts the chicken in his pants and returns to purchase his ticket.

While watching the movie the man procee...

What do you call a racist cow and chicken?

The moo clucks klan

There was once a chicken who was in a loving relationship with a salad. Unfortunately, the salad died and went to heaven. A few years later, the chicken got run over trying to cross the road. The chicken died and went to heaven.

Finally, the chicken Caesar salad.

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The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

A man walks up to a woman with a chicken

He says, "Hey, check this out."

He turns towards the chicken and asks, "What do you call a male deer?"

The chicken replies, "Buck."

He asks the chicken again, "What do you call 200 pennies?"

The chicken replies, "Buck Buck."

The man starts laughing and says, "It ge...

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain but she didn’t speak spanish. Each time she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt up & show her thighs to allow the seller to understand.This went on for some time.

One day she wanted to buy sausages, so she made her husband go to the store with her. He then asked for sausages as he spoke spanish.

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A horse, a chicken and a fantastic moral. [long]

There is a horse and a chicken and they are best friends. One day horse and chicken are walking down a trail when horse steps into some very deep mud. Horse struggles to get out but he cannot set himself free and chicken is too small and feeble to free horse as well. As chicken is crying for his fri...

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What is a chickens favorite type of porn?

Hen-tai.

What does a chicken do when they fall on hard times?

Chicken strips

If you want this chicken you have to punch me as hard as you can in the face. I won't get mad.

No harm no fowl.

[OC] How do you get a chicken egg to hatch?

The hen plans the "egg-sit" strategy

I traded a deer for some chickens.

Overall it was a good deal. It only cost me a buck.

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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"

I saw someone eating noodles with some chicken on it.

It was the best hen thai I've ever seen.

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A man walks into the bar with his pet chicken and walks up to the bartender.

The man claims his pet chicken can talk and answer his questions. The bartender, clearly not believing the man, agrees to place a bet of $100 on the chicken not being able to talk.

The man says to the chicken, “What is the name of a male deer.” The chicken responds with, “buuck.”

The ...

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A chicken and an egg walk into a bar

The bartender has his back to them, cleaning a glass. He turns around and sees them both sitting there. "Alright, which one of you came first?"

Reddit keeps suspending me over my chicken joke

They say its to fowl.

I needed a place to keep my USDA inspected chicken strip

So I bought a wallet

Now my legal tender is safe

The librarian and the chicken

There was a librarian who worked at the west town library for over 15 years. One day, on an otherwise normal day, a chicken hopped into the library, right up onto the librarians desk, looked her straight in the eyes, and said “bawwwwk bawk bawk bawk !”

She looked at the chicken, confused. Th...

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fouls.

Why did the chicken tell jokes in bars?

Because she thought she was a stand up comedi-hen.

Sorry.

Chicken and Egg

A woman, at the psychiatrist office, was concerned that her elderly father acted like a chicken.

The doctor asked how long has this been going on?

She replied, " oh about three years."

The doctor asked, "what took you so long to tell me?"

"We needed the eggs." she said...

Why don't chickens wear pants?

Their pecker is on thier head

Why did the chicken say "Bawk"?

Because he can't say Beethoven

I heard a chicken in my attic, but I’ve never seen one in my house before

I’m guessing it’s a poultrygeist

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I want a chicken as my cake day gift

but a cock will do will do

What do you call a chicken that moves ever so gracefully?

Poultry in motion

Ordered some spices online a while back to enhance my roast chicken recipe, unfortunately due to the pandemic I was told the package would be delayed.

But today is the day, the thyme has finally come.

"How much for dressed chicken?" "$1.28 per pound."

"How much if it's undressed?"

It’s tough to have a conversation with a chicken.

They have very fowl mouths.

Why did the Chicken cross the street?

Beak-cause, she didn't want to chicken out.

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What do a chicken and a son in a incest porno have in common?

They both got laid by their mom.

My 8 year old cousin: " Why did the chicken cross the road?"

8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house.

Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha.

8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock

Me: Who's there

8yo: The chicken.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Sadly, he was hit by a car and passed away shortly after. This would’ve been his third birthday.

I guess you could say he wanted to get to the other side.

For the 2020 NFL season, the players will no longer be allowed to keep chickens as pets.

It will be considered a personal fowl.

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Took me two hours to grill a chicken, yesterday

And the fucken thing still wouldn't tell me why he crossed the road!

I guess politicians are just a bunch of chickens.

Ya got the right wing and the left wing.

I made a chicken salad this morning.

The stupid thing won't even eat it.

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the...

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I bought a chicken to make sandwiches...

Turns out it doesn't, it just make a lot of noise and poops on the floor.

Did you know that raw chicken gives you salmonella but...

Raw salmon doesn’t give you chickenella?

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