A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

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There's a breed of black chickens that actually hatch black eggs!

Search up "black cocks" yourself if you don't believe me.

Why did Mozart get rid of all his chickens?

He asked them who the best composer was and didn’t like their answer.

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A horse, chicken and a pig are out walking on a farm...

When suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole. The pig and chicken freak and they don’t know how they will get their friend out.

So the pig and chicken run up to the farmers house and they bang on the door, no answer... again they bang on the door, no answer.

In a fury the chicken bust...

Person 1: What came first the chicken or the egg?

Person 2: I'm pretty sure the rooster came first.

I made a chicken salad for dinner last night.

But he didn’t eat it. Maybe I used too much dressing.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiots house.

*knock knock*

"Who's there?"

The chicken.

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A chicken and an egg are laying in bed.

The egg looks at the chicken with disgust and says “Well, I guess we answered that fucking question”

Who is a chicken's favorite president?

BRRAAAWWWKobama

What do you call an all-terrain chicken?

A duck.

How do chickens tell who's the alpha male or female?

They use a *pecking* order

A chicken walks into a library

A chicken walks into a library, turns to the librarian.
The librarian asks the chicken 'what can I do for you?'
Chicken replies with 'booook.'
The librarian gives the chicken a book and it walks away and leaves the library. The chicken comes back 5 minutes later with the book and gives it...

Why did the Chicken go to the Seance?

To get to the other side.

Q: Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

A: If it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to his chicken sedan.

What do you call it when a chicken looks at a lettuce?

Chicken Caesar Salad.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He saw a sign at the front of a building that said "chicken strips for $2"

Just ordered a chicken and egg from Amazon

I’ll let you know

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Just found out cock fighting is done with chickens

There goes two years of training I'll never get back :(

How do you make Alabama-style chicken?

Cook it over a dumpster fire and then serve it face down in a pool of its own blood.

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An English and an Irish farmer are arguing at their fence over Politics when along comes a chicken and lays an egg right on the fence boundary.

The English farmer exclaims "It's my egg, because it's my Chicken", and the Irish farmer replies with "Well, the egg is mostly on my side of the fence, so it's mine". They argue back and forth about an hour, until the Irish farmer comes up with a solution.

"To see who the strongest farmer is...

A guy walks into his home with a chicken under his arm...

Husband: "here's the cow I've been sleeping with"

Wife: "that's not a cow that's a chicken"

Husband: "I wasn't talking to you"

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is when you use a feather, kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

I don’t know, he got hit by a truck

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what did the sexy brown chicken say to the sexy brown cow?

brown-chicka-brown-cow!!

Why did Mozart kill his pet chicken?

Because all it could say was, "Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach..."

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What do you call a male chicken in a gang?

A hard cock.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because you didn't fucking cook it.

\-Gordon Ramsay

just witnessed a chicken try and pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,

ImPeck-able

What’s the difference between a musician and a bucket of chicken?

A bucket of chicken can feed a family of four.

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to th...

So, have you guys heard of a chicken cannon?

Used by US Federal Aviation Administration, it's a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.



The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crac...

What do you get when you combine a group of crows, a Hitman, and a chicken?

A murder most fowl.

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Horse and Chicken were standing in farmer Brown's yard. [Long]

Horse was standing in the biggest puddle of mud you ever did see, not paying attention to anything. Before he knew it, he had sunk up to his haunches and couldn't get out.
"Help me Chicken!" He cried. "Go get Farmer Brown to pull me out with his tractor"
"Can't!" Squawked Chicken. "Farmer Brow...

Why did the Chicken Cross The road?

The chicken lived on one side of the street since chickhood. Curious what was on the other side of the street, he attempted many times but his mother hen would always scold him. He finally stopped trying to see what was over after he went to chicken school. He maid friends and grew a big reputation ...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To go to KFC and watch a chicken strip.

I went out dressed as a chicken last night and met a girl who was dressed as an egg.

One thing led to another and the eternal question was answered:



It was the chicken.

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This guy inherits a parrot when his friend dies...

But the parrot wont stop swearing at him, calling him a dumb fuck, a cunt, and several other names.

The guy tries everything to get this bird to stop swearing.

Nothing works. He finally gets fed up and sticks him in the freezer.

Even from in there, he hears him cussing him ou...

i have a dream

i dream of a better future a future where chickens can cross the road without being asked why

Good old #59123

A young man named Dave received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. Dave tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft ...

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Why do black people eat chicken?

Because it tastes good.

...customer asked for Alabama Style Chicken Sandwich!

**Waitress:** ...in bread?

**Customer:** ... I'm not from around here!

A chicken walks into a library

A chicken walks into the library. It goes up to the circulation desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook". The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian s...

Yesterday I was working on the farm when I saw a bunch of chickens just strutting around...

It was like poultry in motion.

What do you call the top candidates for fake chicken fingers?

Con-tenders.

How do chickens become comedians?

By having more than one good yolk.

One day a chicken and a pig were having a conversation

The chicken suggests the two should start a restaurant.

The pig is intrigued by the idea and says, “That sounds great. I’m an entrepreneurial type of hog. I’m sick of working for the farmer. But what are we going to call the restaurant?”

The chicken thinks. Then scratches and pecks at ...

One day a chicken saw a duck standing by the edge of the road looking at the other side...

The chicken walked over to the duck and said “ don’t do it pal you will never here the end of it.”

I've just invented a dating app for chickens, its not my regular job..

Its to make hens meet

When building a brick oven it’s important to make the hole big enough to fit a chicken

And also to use a door, so he can’t get out

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‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’

“Now that’s an old one.” The chicken smiled to himself as he looked across the barren road in front of him, the age old question repeating itself in his mind.

On one side, the chicken stood. The other, a lone bar in the middle of nowhere. And yet, at some point, it was once the most bustling ...

I was going to tell you a joke about a couple of chicken's...

But I can't because it's.......... Two fowl.

The Three Legged Chicken

A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken running down the road. He was amused enough to drive along side it for a while, as he was driving he noticed the chicken was running 30 mph.
Pretty fast chicken, he thought, I wonder just how fast it can run. So he sp...

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At a costume party my girlfriend was dressed as an egg and me as a chicken

we had sex in the bathroom and I can tell chicken "came" first

I raise chickens humanely, and I only eat the ones that die from natural causes.

Rocks are natural, right?

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So there was this horny chicken who loved to fuck!

His owner was so sick of him, he finally sold him to a poultry farm.

Within a day of arriving he fucked each and every hen available there..

The new owner was shocked by the sight of it.

Next day he found the horny chicken has fucked each and every pig available at the farm!...

Chicken

What do you get if you add a chicken and a duck?
...

A Poultry Sum!

TIFU when I brought my pregnant wife home a meatball foot long instead of the teriyaki chicken she asked for

Whoops, wrong sub.

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A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turns to her and says,

"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.

"What a c...

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's b...

The cook promised a chicken that he will spare its life if it can guess their location.

In a state of panic, the chicken asked "What's going to happen to my family?!" The cook looked down with disappointment smeared on his face. "Help! Help!" the chicken clucked for his final minutes have arrived. "I need your guess now," said the cook as the deep frier began to sizzle. "A volcano, the...

So McDonalds now have ‘The Alabama Chicken’

Even the chicken is inbred

My lawn is chicken proof.

It's impeccable.

When I built my chicken coop, my kid asked me why it had two doors.

I answered, "Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan."

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Guy driving down a highway sees a chicken with three legs overtaking him. He floors it

and the chicken stays ahead of him. He’s never seen anything like it, so he follows the chicken but it speeds up, 60, 80, 100 mph! He can barely keep it in sight, but sees it get off the highway and then, at the last second, sees it dash into a farmyard. He skids to a stop and sees the chicken run u...

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So I was invited to a cock fight just recently

And my opponent was a damn chicken. Motherfucker didn't stand a chance

Why do chicken coops have two doors?

Because if they had 4, they’d be called chicken sedans

George Bush bought a rotisserie chicken

As he was walking out of the grocery store, he looked at the chicken. As he held it in his hand, he thought to himself,

“Hey, this chicken isn’t too big. I could easily eat this in one bite.”

So that’s exactly what he did when he got home. He struggled greatly, but he eventually was ...

Who takes care of chickens?

Chicken tenders

I’m thinking of starting a social media network for chickens.

But not as my full time job, just a way to make hens meet.

All my wife's chickens and fish go to heaven.

Because she cooks the hell out of them.

I think I just found out what the “Why did the chicken cross the road?” joke ACTUALLY meant.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“To get to the other side.”

Maybe the “other side” meant the afterlife, meaning that when the chicken was crossing the road, it probably got ran over by a car.

The joke was that you were supposed to take the punchline very literally at first, b...

I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

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So my grandad was stumbling through the house after the power went out, looking for a snack of leftover chicken in the fridge, tripped over a trash can and yelled "Aaaargh!" as he fell.

Which came first, the shitcan or the aaargh?

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A husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice.

“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.

“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor.
“Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask ...

What did the comedian say to the chicken?

Got any good yokes?

Chicken Surprise

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".



The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.



Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes loo...

A chicken walks into a library and says:

"Book book book."



The librarian hands the chicken 3 books. On the way out, the chicken runs into a frog.

The chicken shows the books to the frog and says:

"Book book book."

The frog replies:

"Reddit reddit reddit."

Why didn't Napoleon eat chicken legs?

He didn't like defeat.

What do you call a chicken's sidewalk drawing?

A chalk-a-doodle-do!

(Credit: My 6 year old daughter who makes up jokes while we're driving. Proud parent moment, she is getting to be one of the best pun-slingers I know)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her e...

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