So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the...

I grilled a chicken for 2 hours.

It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road.

What do you get when a chicken lays its eggs on the top of a hill?

Egg rolls.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide! My 5 year old told me this. I'm sure it isn't OC, but I got a chuckle.

If you’re a furry, and get turned on by chickens

Are you a Hen-Thigh enthusiast?

Chicken or the egg

I went out dressed like a chicken last night... ... and I met a girl who was dressed like an egg. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: it was the chicken.

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked him who the best composer was, they replied, "Bach Bach Bach"

I've chicken proofed my lawn

It's impeccable

On what day of the week do chickens hide?

Fry-day.

Chicken Addiction

A guy really wanted to eat chicken. He was craving it for a while and he decided to go get some. But, he didn't want any of the fast food type chicken. So, he decided to cook it himself.

He goes to the butcher to buy it. The butcher gave him a live chicken. The man, surprised, asked the butch...

My non-vegetarian friend told me to eat chicken, it's very healthy.

I said no, it WAS healthy but you ate it.

So I have this chicken that listens to nothing but classical music...

All she wants is “Bach Bach Bach”.


That is all.

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A horse and a chicken were walking down a country road when they saw some corn in a ditch just across the road.

The horse walked over to eat the corn.

Before he got to the corn, he became stuck in the mud. For all his trying he could not get out of the mud.

So he tells the chicken "Hey, go over to that farm house and get some help to get me out of this mud.”

When the chicken gets to the f...

A man was driving his car when he saw a three-legged chicken dart across the road at an incredible speed...

Intrigued, he slammed his brakes and watched the chicken run to a farm so fast he couldn't believe it.

The man quickly turned into the farm's driveway and drove to the farmhouse. Upon reaching it the farmer emerged and asked, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Did you see a three-legged ...

Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if it had 4 it would be a Chicken sedan.

My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens.

He got the money for nothing, and the chicks for free.

What do you call a chicken with a lettuce in his eye?

Chicken sees a salad

What happened when the brown chicken met the brown cow?

Brown-chicken-brown-cow

Why did the chicken cross the room?

It was an inside joke.

Q:Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To visit his friend the dummy.

M: Knock knock

Y: Who's there

M: Your friend the chicken!

[My 7yo told me this one and caught me off guard...]

I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.

I'll let you know.

Due to the current economic situation in the world, I’ve started a dating site for chickens. It’s not my full-time job, I’m just doing it...

...to make hens meet.

Why did the chicken hold a seance ?

To get to the other side.

It's a chicken in the backyard.

A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarians desk and says, "Buk", so she gives him a book. A couple minutes later the chicken returns. "Buk", he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.

Finally it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fr...

there were 30 cows and 28 chicken. how many didnt?

10

Why doesn't the Government let chickens build their own houses?

Because they'll make a coup.

Original... hopefully

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How do you make jerk chicken?

Give him a red hat and an outdated election flag.

What do you call an adult female chicken that likes to draft blueprints?

A Hen-gineer

What do you call 2 divorced chickens?

An eggs couple.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the guy who fucked a chicken?

A man named Steve just turned 30, and was still a virgin.

He decided that it was finally time to change that, and decided to drive down to the nearest brothel, a good 4 hours away.

When he arrived and asked the owner for a lady to accompany him, he was told “Unfortunately, all of our...

The chicken came first..

because I'm a gentleman.

I’ve started investing in stocks; beef, chicken and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

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I asked my Jamaican friend to explain to me what "Jerk Chicken" is...

...he said it's the chicken that none of the other chickens liked.

There were 30 students but only 28 chicken nuggets. How many kids didn’t get nuggets?

Ten. Why? Because only twenty ate chicken nuggets.

What do you call a chicken with no legs?

A speedbump because it isn't crossing the road in time.

(Must be a nerd to get this one) Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the other... oh... never mind.



Context: a mobius strip is an object with the interesting property of only having one side.

A man is driving down a country road going 45mph, and all the sudden he notices a chicken running next to him.

He couldn't believe his eyes, how could a chicken run so fast?

So he speeds up to 60mph to outrun the chicken, and after a few seconds the chicken has caught up to him! He simply can't believe it, he shakes his head and looks back and suddenly the chicken is gone. But no! He looks ahead an...

What skin conditions do chickens get?

Eggsma.

Running a chicken farm is more complicated than I thought

There are so many layers...

What do you call a chicken that’s afraid of the dark?

A chicken.

A chicken goes into a library.

He goes up to the counter.

“Book book book!” He squawks.

Amused, the librarian grabs three random books from the return stack and gives them to the chicken who leaves with them.

The next day the chicken returns the three books and says “book book book” again. He gets his three ...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To social distance.

(Credit to my 10 year old niece for coming up with this one.)

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A poor family lives on a farm and they rely on their chickens for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find the chicken coop empty and the corpses of chickens on the ground.

"There’s nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad and the chickens on the ground.

...

What do you call chicken nugget's served in a pub?

Bar-tenders

Math Teacher: Your homework looks like chicken scratch, but you have all the correct answers

Later at Home: I think she’s on to us, mathmachicken

My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece..........with a biscuit

The Three Legged Chicken (longish)

A travelling salesman arrives at a farm gate and as he closes the gate behind him and gets back into his car he notices a 3 legged chicken

He accelerates down the long driveway and the chicken is running ahead of his car

He speeds up but no matter how fast he goes the 3 legged chicken ...

I made a chicken salad yesterday

"was it any good?"

I don't think so, he only ate the croutons

Why is it alright to debone a chicken

but boning a chicken gets you arrested.

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I just found out that cock-fighting involves chickens

Well that's 12 months of training wasted

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

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A man and a chicken walk into a small restaurant

A man and a chicken walk into a small restaurant, they sit down, and the waitress takes their order, the man says "I'll have a number 5 with a large coffee", and the chicken says "I will have that as well". When they finished their meal, the man walks up to the counter to pay, and he reaches into hi...

My best friend is a chicken

I don't really wanna be friends with him but he sure does know a lot of chicks

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A peep of baby chickens were stuck in a hole

A rooster comes along and immediately offers to help, he runs back to the farm to get farmer’s BMW to pull out the baby chickens.

While the rooster was on his way to the farm, a horse comes along and stands over the hole, lowers his penis into the hole forming a ramp and all the chickens run...

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Do you know why chicken breasts are so meaty?

They are always working on their pecks.

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"Your sign outside says 3 strippers for 4.99... We talking topless or fully nude?"

"Sir this is Dominoes pizza. They're chicken strippers."

"Ok ok, now the price makes sense... How long is each dance?"

My favorite Dad joke, because it’s my cake day.

Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?



Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

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You don't see a lot of chickens in Cubism

I guess no one likes a Cock Blocker.

What is a chickens favorite vegetable?

Bawk choy

I saw Usain Bolt sprinting around the track shouting, "Why did the chicken cross the road!?"

It was a running joke.

A man decides to raise chickens.

So he drives to the next farm and buys 50 chicks there.

After a month the man goes to the farmer again and buys another 50 chicks.

When the man shows up at the farmer again in the third month, the farmer asks him whether the chicken rearing is successful or not.

The man just shr...

What do you call a chicken that is a ghost?

a poultrygeist


Ill be taking my downvotes in advance thanks

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(NSFW) A horse and a baby chicken were playing in the barnyard...

...when the horse fell into some quicksand. The baby chicken, wanting to help his friend, goes to find the farmer for assistance but he’s nowhere to be found. The baby chicken finds the farmer’s Aston Martin in the garage, however, so he backs it up to the quicksand. He then ties some rope around th...

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

What can a chicken do that a man can’t?

Eat with it’s pecker.

Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?

There wasn’t a crosswalk obviously, he wasn’t going to jaywalk

Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road.

Because his wife left him.

Ever since I bought $GME shares, my wife won’t stop boiling chickens.

She likes the stock.

Why do chickens make bad comedians?

Because their jokes are fowl.

How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A cluck ton!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it was too much of a coward to go down the street!

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Why did the chicken go to the principal's office

it used fowl language

What sound does a square chicken make?

"Block, block."

What does kfc use to make its popcorn chicken?

Chicken colonels.

A German girl married a Spanish man

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain. She can't speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt& show her thighs to enable the seller understand her.

This went on for sometime. One day she wanted to buy banana. So She took her husband to...

When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

Do you know why “Chicken Run” was as an marked explicit movie?

It has fowl language

A woman didn't know how to speak Spanish but was married to a Spanish man and together, they resided in Spain.

Once she went to the market to buy some chicken legs. She lifted her skirt a little and pointed to her legs so that the shopkeeper is able to understand her.

Another time, she had to buy chicken breast so she pointed to her bosom so that the shopkeeper is able to understand her

Once s...

Why did the chicken start digging a tunnel?

So it didn’t have to risk crossing the road

How do chickens keep each other entertained?

They tell bok bok jokes.

Why did the chicken get kicked out of the coop?

Because it was ostrich-sized.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chicken Dinner

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the...

A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars are zooming by, while he waits for a break in traffic. Then a Chicken walks by and says " don't do it.. "

" .. you'll never hear the end of it "

What do you call a chicken in the North Pole?

>!Lost!<

Why did the chicken cross the yellow brick road?

Because he was looking for courage.

My grandfather choked to death on a piece of chicken pot pie he brought home from the restaurant

Ah well, it was his thyme to-go

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk man stumbles into his house with a chicken under his arm...

His wife is waiting for him in bed, pissed off. The man looks at his wife and says “this... this is the pig... that I been fuckin”
His wife says “you stupid son of a bitch, that’s a chicken!”
To which the man replies “I was talking to the chicken!”

How do you shock Chicken Broth?

with a soup-rise

What console does a mute chicken have?

Ex-Bawks

How much does a cheering squad of chickens cost?

50 bocks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a panicked chicken and the US/UK/Brazil response to Covid?

One's a flustered cluck...

>!The other's a clusterfuck!!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking.

He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, ...

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My husband just explained the difference between me and a chicken coop

You can't put three cocks in a chicken coop.

I was trying to track down a man and a woman, so I set a trap, and baited it with raw chicken.

And that's how I got Sam and Ella.

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Why did the chicken cross the road (Gordon Ramsay)

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T FUCKING COOK IT

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the stor...

What recipe uses chicken and elephant parts?

Chicken Dumbo

I had to call a psychic to my house due to strange sightings of a chicken’s spirit haunting my home.

He called it a poultrygeist.

What's a Chickens favourite fetish?

BUK BUK BUKKAK-EE!!

If you work on a farm taking care of chickens...

You are a chicken tender.

Talking Chicken (my original twist)

A guy goes into a bar with a chicken. The bartender of course says, “What’s up with the chicken? We don’t allow chickens in here.“

The guy says “it’s okay, Freddie’s a talking chicken!“

The bartender says “yeah sure pal. If that chicken can talk, I’ll give you all the free beer you wan...

Where does the chicken shop for their shoes?

Reebokbok

Why did the chicken cross the road?







To take a photo in front of a church.

What do you call it when the floor staff at a chicken processing facility take over the business without the owner's permission?

A coup de coop.

What do you call a Mexican space chicken?

Apollo.

Why doesn't Chick-fil-a have a double chicken sandwich?

2 chicks together isn't really their thing.

So Tod goes to a new truckers joint...

He sits down and the waiter approaches him.

Do you want to hear the daily specials sir? He asks.

"No thank you", says Todd, "let me smell your hand and I'll tell you want I'd like today".

So the waiter reluctantly proceeds to offer his hand to be smelled by this weird customer.<...

Why did the chicken cross the political aisle?

To distance itself from the Trump administration.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. ...

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