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Chicken Jokes

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Did you know all chickens die after having sex?

Well every chicken I’ve had sex with has.

A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, “Book.”

The librarian says, “You want a book?”

“Book.”

“Any book?”

“Book.”

So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, “Bookbook.”

The librarian says, “Now you want two books?”

“Book-book.”

So she...

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I’ll let you know what comes first.

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The best chicken joke ever!

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is
smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.


The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.


The egg mutters to no one in particular,
"Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

my mum just started a dating site for chickens

She'd do anything to make hens meet

Who is the only higher ranked officer in the Chicken Army above Colonel Sanders?

General Tso.

The inventor of the chicken tikka masala has died

Just before he passed he slipped into a korma

My Daughter: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Me: "I dunno"

"To get to the idiots house"
.
.
.
.
.
"Knock knock"

Me: "Who's there?"

"It's the chicken...."



She's 8...

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

If it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

I can't lift a ton of chicken soup but I can lift a ton of pho.

Because a pho ton is light.

Why did the chicken take LSD?

To get to the other side.

I dated a hindu girl who would eat chicken or goat but not beef. She said it was a sacred animal.

I didn't get it, i was raised catholic. Our god tastes like cardboard and we still eat him.

AITA? I bought my coworker chicken avocado instead of tuna avocado from Subway, and now they’re mad.

Whoops, wrong sub.

You can't win an argument with a chicken.

It's logic is impeccable.

If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for tea you are a terrible parent.

I don't care how busy you are, find the time to microwave them first at least.

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That's My Chicken

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the...

What do you call an undead chicken?

A poultrygheist.

Who Is The Greatest Chicken-Killer In Shakespeare?

Macbeth, because he did murder most fowl.

A couple decided to enter a local cooking competition. He did very well in the sausage category, but she got last place with chicken.

Together, they made the best wurst and the worst breast.

Marie Antoinette, the Dullahan, and a free range chicken are in a race, coming up to the finish line…

Running neck and neck and neck.

Source: the far side (iirc)

Why did the Chicken want to join a rock band???

He was the only one with a set of drum sticks...

A chef I know just boiled up a chicken carcass with seasoning, vegetables and nitrous oxide.

I told him he's made himself a laughing stock.

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2 chickens are trying to cross the road

The one turns around to the other and asks “shall we cross here?” The other chicken replies “fuck that! Have you saw what they done to the zebra?!”

A chicken and a horse become best friends on their farm.

Every day, they go out walking together, talking, laughing and generally enjoying each other's company. One day, they happen to wander too closely to a sinkhole, and the horse falls in. As the horse flails about, the chicken looks around desperately, trying to figure out how to save her friend. That...

Where do you keep the rebellious chicken?

In the coup

What's the chicken's favorite gaming console?

The X-bawks!

Why did the chicken grow up religious?

It was pastor raised

A man was driving along the motorway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car.

He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 60 mph. He accelerated to 70, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, but the chicken overtook him.
Then the man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So he followed the chicken, speeding all the way...

Elon Musk has announced a new recipe for chicken soup

First you boil the chicken in water and then you dump the stock.

What is a chicken's favourite vegetable?

Bok-bok-bok-bokchoy

Who is the chickens favorite composer?

B…b Bach!

[OC] from my 5 year old foster kid tonight: Why did the Chicken cross the road?

To get to the oven slide.

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I just found out that cock fighting involves chickens

There's a year of my life I'll never get back!

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Harold got in bed, kissed his lovely wife, and fell into a deep sleep. He awoke before the pearly Gates and St. Peter said..

“You died in your sleep, Harold.”

Harold was stunned. "I'm dead...? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back to my wife!”

St. Peter said, "Perhaps that can be arranged, but there aren’t many open spots right now. You’ve got two alternatives: you can come back to you...

A duck was waiting to cross the road, when a chicken came running up.

"Whatever you do, don't do it!" shouted the chicken. "You'll never hear the end of it!"

I asked my wife, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

Without hesitation, she sighed and said, “The Rooster did. The rooster always comes first.”

Why did the chicken only cross half the road?

It got two tired.

A horse, a sheep, and a chicken lived together on a farm.

The horse had long dreamed of learning to play the guitar.


So the horse rings a music shop and he says, “Hey, I’d love to learn to play guitar. Is there anyone who can teach me”?


The music shop manager says “That’s not an issue, let’s get you started on some music lessons.” ...

Have you tried chicken tarka?

It’s like chicken tikka but otter….

Lady and the Farmer

A farmer stopped by a hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. Then he stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store, he wondered how to carry all his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, h...

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The chicken farmer

A chicken farmer is visited by an official looking person one day. The farmer has no clue who the visitor is. The visitor asks "What do you feed your chicken?"

The honest and innocent farmer says "they just pick worms in the fields and eat whatever seeds and grains and crap they can get hold ...

What happens when you cross a chicken with a turbocharger?

Fast food.

A farmer left the door to his chicken coop open ...

Upon noticing his chickens are missing, he runs down the street in the direction he hopes they have gone. He runs into a man on the side of the road and asks "Have you seen a bunch of chickens this way?". The man replies that he hasn't. The farmer apologizes for wasting the mans time. The man re...

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The Priest chicken's

A Priest kept chickens at his village.

One evening the cock went missing.

At the church mass prayer gathering, the priest asked,

\- "Who has a cock?"

All the men got up.

\- "No, I meant who has seen a cock?"

...All the women got up.

\- "No, No, Who h...

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One day in class, the teacher calls on Little Johnny...

... and asks him to tell the class a story with a moral in it.


So Johnny says, “One day at the farm, a chicken and horse were playing together. The horse falls into quicksand, and he implores the chicken to go get the farmer. He can’t find him anywhere, so he jumps into his BMW, backs i...

There was a murder in the chicken coop

Authorities suspect fowl play.

A large and powerful kingdom conquered their wealthy neighbor only to discover its treasure was all hidden away.

Only the count from the conquered kingdom knew where the gold was hidden but he refused to tell.

The conquerors took him to the dungeon, placed his head on the chopping block, and told him:

“This is your last chance! Tell us where the gold is or off comes your head!”

Beads of s...

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A horse is sitting in his stable one day when he hears music coming from the farmhouse. He waits patiently for the farmer to go out before making his way across to the farmhouse to see what's going on. As he peers through the window he can see MTV is on the television.

Horse goes into the house and sees a rock band on the screen. He is instantly taken by the guitar and decides there and then he wants to play. He uses the telephone and calls the local music shop. He explains that he has seen the band on TV, that he is a horse and that he wants to play guitar, The m...

chicken with 3 legs

So this guy in a sports car is driving down an old country road. He looks over and there is a Rooster running right along side him. In his disbelief he looks at the speedometer...15mph.

So he speeds up to 25 and the Rooster speeds up. Next he realizes that the Rooster is speeding up and he al...

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A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turns to her and says,

"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.

"What a c...

A guy asks the waiter, how do you prepare the chicken?

We tell them right up front, you're not going to make it.

If a mother chicken is called a hen, what is a father chicken called?

Henry

Why is "why did the chicken cross the road?" considered the very first dad joke?

It was originally "why did the egg cross the road?" but it didn't have legs.

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This is a story about a newlywed couple who had only been married for two weeks.

The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a b...

Difference between kinky and perverted.

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken.

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Horse and Chicken

are farmyard pals and take daily walks around a large farmyard. One day after a particularly heavy rainfall, horse takes a miss step and falls into a large hole in the ground. Unable to get out, horse panics and whineys to chicken for help. Chicken realises he's not up to help, rushes off to the far...

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I grilled a chicken tonight.

Bastard still didn’t tell me why it crossed the road.

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A teacher asked...

A teacher asked Johnny, "What does a chicken give us?"

Johnny replied, "eggs."

"Very good, Johnny. Jessica, what does a sheep give us?"

"Wool."

"Very good, Jessica. Robbie, what does a cow give us?"

"Homework."

Apparently Robbie has his own seat in the princ...

A man was once gifted a pet parrot.

The parrot was beautiful, and trained to talk by its previous owners. Unfortunately, it only swore loudly and angrily whenever it wanted attention.

To try to stop this, he put the parrot in a box. The man told the parrot, "I am putting you in this box because you wont stop swearing." For the ...

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My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he sai...

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I bought a chicken to make sandwiches.

It doesn’t. It shits on the floor, after it crosses the road.

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[NSFW] [Long]A newly wed couple movies in with each other for the first time...

A newly wed couple moves in with each other for the first time and are going through the normal aches and pains of learning to live with someone new.

For the most part, everything is going well. No big disagreements, a couple of small annoying habits, but nothing major. Though, after several ...

One day a man noticed…

a chicken would come into his house, take a book from the bookshelf in its beak and carry it off into the woods behind his house.

The next day, the chicken came back and got another book, disappeared into the woods. This went on for a few days.

Finally the guy followed the chicken into...

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I just found out cock fighting is done with chickens

That's 8 months of training down the drain

a chicken is sitting at the bar

A man sits next to him

The chicken asks him whats your name..

The man looks at him and says..
Bond, james bond..

The man reciprocates the question.

The chicken says
Ken, chicken

Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens?

**When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”**

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Did you hear Jamaica is making a spinoff of the British Bake Off about cooking spicy chicken?

It's called the Jamaican Jerk Off.

pie

In Jamaica you can buy a steak and kidney pie for $1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for $1.60 and an apple pie for $2.15.



In St Kitts and Nevis, a steak and kidney pie will cost you $2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is $1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for $1.95.



...

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One day an old man is sitting in his porch when a young boy walks by holding some chicken wire

He tells out “What’re you gonna do with that?” The boy replies “Ima catch me some chicken” The man thinks to himself “That can’t be right”. Well about 2 hours later though, the boy comes back with a bunch of chickens tangled in the wire. The next day the man is on his porch and he sees the boy with ...

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The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer

A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid - the top half was a stunning, curvy redhead, and the bottom half was a tiger shark. As he watches, the pair finish the act...

If you pound chicken with a clay oven…

Does that tandoorize it?

A police officer is eating chicken with rice, sitting across from a stranger

While eating he says, "Boy do I sure love Jasmine rice."

The stranger sitting across from him says, "That's not Jasmine rice, it's Basmati."

The police officer replies, "Are you sure? Do you mind if I ask you some questions about it?"

To which the stranger responds, "No, I know ...

I recently went to a comedy restaurant, and there was a chicken with a speech impediment on stage...

The food was great, but the yolks were terrible...

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A chicken and a horse go for a walk in the woods...

They walk a ways down a path when the horse falls into a deep puddle. The horse flails about and says, "little chick, little chick go get the farmer to bring his tractor and pull me out!" The little chick runs back down the path and tells the farmer he needs to bring his tractor to pull the horse ...

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A truck full of chickens

A man drives with his truck through a long desert-like area.
His truck carries a load of living chickens and his only companion is his speaking parrot.

On day there is a beautiful young woman on the roadside trying to hitchhike.

He stops and asks what happend and why she is out here...

Why did the Bubblegum cross the road?

Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot.

...

Credit goes to my 6 year old son who told me this just now.

Why did the chicken go to the gym?

To build up it's pecs.

(apologies in advance. I made this up).

I met a chicken who was a fan of The Beatles today

He told me his number one thing on his bucket list was to meet someone named Abby.

When I asked him why, he said "I've always wanted to cross that road"

I hate jokes about chickens.

They're all fowl.

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Since we're doing little Johnny jokes....

Little Johnny's teacher sends the kids home with an assignment to find a story with a moral to it. The next day, the teacher asks, "Who would like to share their story?"

Little Johnny's hand shoots straight up, and the teacher wisely ignores him. "Susie, why don't you go first?"

Susie ...

A chicken farmers’ chickens suddenly stop laying eggs one day…

He waits until the next day and still no eggs. A week goes by and still no eggs.

Worriedly, he calls a friend that is a biologist. The biologist comes over and takes temperatures of the chickens, takes stool samples and blood samples, and goes back to his lab. A week later the biologist ...

My boss got mad at me for calling a co-worker a chicken.

He said he doesn't tolerate any fowl language.

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The town drunkard gets berated by his wife for drinking with the money she gave him to get chicken.

With his ego hurt he promptly gets drunk again, steals a live hen from a nearby farm and tries to scramble back home before getting caught. In a bid to not get caught, he sneaks into a shabby cinema hall after somehow calming the hen down enough to stick it down his pants.
It was an adult film ...

Bad bird

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren't expletives, were to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words,...

What does a chicken say when it's playing the piano?

Bach bach

Ordered some chicken nuggies at McDonalds. Drive through lady says: "Wakanda sauce"

This was right around the time Black Panther had come out so I go "hell yea I'll try that !"

She gon come back: SIR....... WHAT. KIND. OF. SAUCE.

The Best Son.

Three brothers are waiting for their mother at the airport. One says I'm the best son because I got her a new car! The second one says I'm the best son because I got her a new TV!. The third one says I'm the best son because she's lonely so I got her a parrot to talk to.

The mother gets off...

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it saw someone from work on a Saturday.

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Life lessons from a farmer

A man lives a good life on a large farm where he has cows, pigs, chickens, and many other animals.

One hot summer day, the man notices that some of his animals have escaped their enclosures so he takes his sniffer dog and heads to the woods in search.

There he finds, near some train tr...

I've begun investing heavily in beef, chicken and vegetable stocks.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

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A young man is walking down the road carrying chicken wire

He passes by this old man’s house and the old man says, “Hey son, what are you doing with that chicken wire?” The young man says, “I’m going to catch me some chickens.” The old man laughs and says, “You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire.” So the young man keeps walking. But sure enough, later t...

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what's another name for chicken testicles?

A fowl ball

I'm vaccinated against chicken pox AND monkey pox.

I'm 2Pox Secure.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?



Neither. **The rooster came, and got the hen laid in the process.**



*(Biologist's answer: At some point a distant relative of the chicken laid an egg, and the mutations expressed in the chick's DNA would have it hatch as the first modern chicken - so the egg had to come first ...

Tim the Chicken

Tim was a nervous chicken.

He rarely went out in public and spent the majority of his life trying to blend in to the background.

And this devotion to anonymity followed Tim through his entire childhood and adolescence.

As Tim approached his eighteenth birthday, his one friend,...

Did you hear about the chicken that could count her own eggs?

She was a mathemachicken.

What is the most competitive criminal chicken piece?

The contender

What do you call a chicken who crosses the road, rolls in the mud, and then crosses back again?

A dirty double-crosser.

A librarian is at work at a pubic library and sees a chicken walk in.

The chicken walks up to the counter and says "book, book, book, book."

This continues until the librarian passes a book to the chicken who takes it and pushes it out the door.

A few minutes later the chicken comes right back on, pushes the book up to the counter and says "book, book, b...

My Hispanic friend keep telling me that NASA always have sent chicken propelled rockets to space

Look at all the "Apollo" missions, he say

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken

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A man is driving down the highway at 60 mph when a three legged chicken passes right by him.

In shock, he decides to follow the chicken down this dirt road. He sees the chicken run onto this farm and into barn. The man gets out of his car and goes to the front door to speak with the farmer.

“Sir, I’m sorry to bother you, but I was driving down the highway doing atleast 60 mph when I...

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Nate and the chicken

Nate had just gotten out of prison, after serving a 5 year sentence for drug possession. He wanted to get laid, so he went to a brothel. The rates were well out of his price range, as he only had $20, but the madam of the brothel said, "Ok. I'll cut you a deal. We have a chicken you can fuck. Now, I...

What's a chickens favourite games console?

Eggs-box

I wanted to tell a dirty joke about a baby chicken but...

Then I realized it was a little fowl.

I've started buying up chicken stock

Pretty soon, I'll be a bouillonaire!

I've learned that "Chicken Kiev" is a misnomer

There's nothing chicken about them.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

Why did the plant-based chicken cross the road?

Idk, it’s beyond meat.

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