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I just found out cock fighting is done with chickens.

Months of training wasted.

I got on Ebay last night and ordered a chicken and an egg

I'll let y'all know what happens.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

No one knows. *But the road will have his vengeance.*

Which came first the chicken or the egg?

I don’t know much about chickens but I know they’re female so they definitely didn’t come first.

Doctor: What's wrong with your bother? Boy: He thinks he is a chicken.

Doctor: Really? How long has this been going on?

Boy: Five years.

Doctor: Five years! Why didn’t you bring him in earlier?

Boy: We needed the eggs.

I found this in an Indonesian book, and could not find it anywhere else: The man, the pastor, and the chicken

A man came to the church and met the Pastor. "Pastor, I confess," he says.

"At last!" exclaims the Pastor. "Finally you repent too!"

"Listen, Pastor, I have stolen a chicken from someone's field"

"My my, that definitely is a sin."

"If I gave away the chicken to the church...

Cardinal: Your holiness, do you like fried chicken?


TIFU by ordering a Roast Beef instead of Chicken Teriyaki sandwich.

Oops, wrong sub.

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

Because if it had four doors it would be
a chicken sedan.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who their favorite composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach."

What's it called when a bunch of chickens work together to overthrow the king of their pen?

A co-op coop coupe!

I went to a costume party dressed as an egg and I met a girl dressed as a chicken.

I said to her "So are we going to find out, or what?"

If chickens took over a country's armed forces

Would it be a chicken coup?

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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

What's the difference between a chicken and a pregnant woman?

You can't debone a pregnant woman.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was incredibly depressed. He wanted to die. Getting hit by a car would be easy. He wanted to get to the "other side."

Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?

Because if they had 4, they’d be chicken sedans

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The horse and the chicken

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some...

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road

and not be
questioned about their motives.

I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.

I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed after sex.

The chicken leans back, takes a drag on the cigarette and says "well that answers that old question...."

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

- from my 2 year old nephew

What's 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 1/2 goat?


How does the chicken get to work?


Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the KFC.

Why did the chicken go to the KFC?

To see the chicken strip.

A chicken can jump higher than Empire state building...

It's true because buildings can't jump.

Why does Trump like KFC better than Popeye's Chicken?

Less to read

Why did the chicken eat the egg?

Because it was already roasted.

This joke was generated by a bot on r/SubSimulatorGPT2.

Me and my pet Chicken walked into KFC

They thought I was giving it to them but instead I ordered a bucket for two

A joke that works best when told aloud: The chicken in the library.

A chicken walks into a library, goes up to the librarian, and squawks: "Book!"

Once the librarian has gotten over the confusion of having a chicken in a library, she wonders whether or not the chicken actually wanted a book. She eventually figures that she might as well humour the chicken's r...

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An old man was sitting on his porch one morning when a boy walked up the road carrying a large roll of chicken wire.

“Hey, boy! What are you doing with all that chicken wire?”

“I’m gonna catch some chickens, sir.”

“You fool, you can’t catch no chickens with chicken wire.”

The boy smiled and walked off. That evening he came back dragging the chicken wire with at least a dozen chickens rolled up...

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What's a neighborhood of chickens called?

A cockblock.

I went to the Chinese for a take away last night, I ordered chicken chow mein, egg fried rice and Singapore crispy noodles. The bloke tipped it all loose in to a carrier bag. I said what the hell are you doing?

He said we're not allowed to put Chinese in a container anymore.

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A chicken farmer goes to the swap meet in the morning to buy a new rooster for his farm.

He finds a very impressive cock and buys it. He brings the rooster home and before lunch time, that darn rooster had screwed every chicken on the farm. The farmer couldn't believe it. After lunch, that rooster had gone and screwed every chicken on the farm again.

As the sun was about to s...

Why’d the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fouls.

Why don't chickens wear pants?

Because their peckers are on their head.

Why don't chickens own telephones?

They're afraid someone might wring them.

If you're a chicken and I'm an egg...

let's see which one of us comes first.

Why did the chicken cross the road with a bedsheet?

To kill Jeffrey Epstein and make it look like a suicide.

My chicken transitioned today.

Now it identifies as 'dinner'

How delicious is the new Popeye's chicken sandwich?

It's so good I just came in my pants... didn't even want to waste time putting on a shirt or shoes.

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The cat and the chicken...

There was a cat and a chicken standing on the edge of a bridge, the cat falls in the river, and the chicken starts laughing.

Whats is the moral of the storry ?

Where is a wet pussy, there will allways be a happy cock.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. To get to the idiot's house.

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

The chicken.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it got sick of people constantly questioning its motivations.

Why did Mozart get rid of all his chickens?

He asked them who the best composer was and didn’t like their answer.

There are thirty cows and twenty eight chickens, how many didn't?


A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender asks what kind of beer he wants.

The chicken says "Bock"

2 chickens are sitting in a bar...

One of the chickens pulls a gun out of nowhere, and shoots himself in the head. He died instantly.

The other chicken was sad, but lived on the rest of his life. He had a family, grew old, and eventually died.

In heaven, he found his old friend, the one chicken from the bar.


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The Chicken and the Horse (Dirty, Long)

On a farm lived a chicken and a horse, good friends who enjoyed long leisurely walks together.

One day, their walk brought them to a swamp, in which the horse started to sink. "Quickly!" he cried, "run to the farmer's garage, throw a rope into his BMW, drive it over here, tie me to it, and p...

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Chickens are never virgins

They get laid when they're born.

Why’d the chicken fall in the well?

Because he couldn’t see that well!

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A horse, chicken and a pig are out walking on a farm...

When suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole. The pig and chicken freak and they don’t know how they will get their friend out.

So the pig and chicken run up to the farmers house and they bang on the door, no answer... again they bang on the door, no answer.

In a fury the chicken bust...

George Bush bought a rotisserie chicken

George Bush went to the store on day and bought a rotisserie chicken for dinner. He began his trek home when a sudden and serious hunger fell over him. His stomach grumbled, he had a headache, all his mind could think about was eating. Fortunately, he was able to bear with it until he got home. Once...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

His family was experiencing financial trouble, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, they just didn't work out. After ending up working in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he got shot, landing him to the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him...

what do you call a chicken looking at a piece of lettuce?

chicken caesar salad

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My 5yo asked me to tell you guys this joke I'm so sorry...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cause your butt stinks!! Ha! Stinky butt

He doesn't understand downvotes so I'll eat the loss of karma cause this made him happy

[NSFW] What does China and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?

Cleaning up the bloody mess by spraying it down the drain

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop...

to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. H...

KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA

Apparently they want something CRISPR.

A lot of people believe the chicken came first.

I'm egg-theist.

What do you call a chicken in a moving vehicle?

Poultry in motion.

Why don't chickens tell their eggs any jokes?

Coz it would crack them up.

Have you ever seen a chicken strip?

I've never seen a chicken wear clothes.

Why did Beethoven hate chickens?

All they do is say “Bach! Bach!”

Started investing in beef and chicken stock.

I want to be a bouillonaire.

How should a farmer dress so he doesn't get attacked by his chickens?


What does an elderly chicken drink as a meal replacement?

Roost......I'll see myself out.

How are chicken diseases transmitted?


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There's a breed of black chickens that actually hatch black eggs!

Search up "black cocks" yourself if you don't believe me.

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I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke.”

Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?”

Me: “John”

Homeless man: “So Johnny, there is black rooster alright?

How many legs does that chicken have.”

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man: “Right, n...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To go to the paddy field.

Yeah, this is what happens when you start outsourcing your jokes...

Why are so many people obsessed with whether the chicken or the egg came first?

My wife always told me it was the person who came last that matters in a relationship.

What do you call a chicken on rollerblades?

Poultry in motion.

Sorry, just thought of that. And...
I will not think anymore.

(dad joke) What happened to the fish who ate raw chicken?

He got salmon-illa

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was hungry, but these fast food restaurants are always on the #!&* left side!

Did you hear about the underdog boxer that got the measles, then the chicken pox, then polio?

I guess he never even had a shot.

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Chickens don’t sext

But they might give you a cock a doodle.

It turns out my front lawn is chicken proof.

It's impeccable.

The Backdoor Chicken

Once there was a farmer who was very annoyed by one of his chickens
He called him the Backdoor Chicken

Whenever he puts him in a barn, he comes out from the backdoor

He tried putting him in a cage, but he came out of the backdoor

He locked the chicken in a room, again came ou...

Three brothers were competing to see who was able to give their elderly mother the best birthday gift

The first one bought her a mansion.
The second one bought her a Porsche.
The third one, knowing how religious their mom is, bought her a remarkable parrot. It took 18 monks 10 years to teach him how to recite the whole Bible. It’s one of a kind, it cost 20 million dollars.
After some ...

People who take care of chickens are...

Literally "Chicken Tenders!"

Did I tell you about my neighbor who is afraid of chickens?

He built a beautiful fence around his house. All the neighbors say it’s impeccable.

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A teacher gave her class

of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market ...

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A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turns to her and says,

"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.

"What a c...

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As a lawyer, whenever someone asks me the joke "why did the chicken cross the road," this is always my response.

As counsel for the chicken, I have advised my client to invoke its 5th Amendment right to remain silent. The chicken with neither confirm nor deny crossing the road, nor the existence of the road thereof. Your concept of ‘crossing’ and ‘road’ do not rise to criminal conduct in any jurisdictional cou...

What sort of chicken caught the sun?


I’m thinking of starting a social media network for chickens.

Not as a full time job just a way to make hens meet.

Did you know Elvis was a big fan of Chicken Strips?

He even wrote a song about them called “Love Me Tender”.

What did the chicken say to the duck who was just about to cross the road?

"Don't do it bro, you will never hear the end of it..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New in the fast-food market: Oedipus Fried Chicken

>!It's motherfucking good!!<

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Why do people say chicken is tasteless?

Every time my wife cooks some it tastes like shit.

What did the chicken do at the end of his shift?

He clucked out.

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, pork, chicken.

With any luck, someday I'll be a bullionaire.

TIFU when I brought my pregnant wife home a meatball foot long instead of the teriyaki chicken she asked for

Whoops, wrong sub.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He saw a sign at the front of a building that said "chicken strips for $2"

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An English and an Irish farmer are arguing at their fence over Politics when along comes a chicken and lays an egg right on the fence boundary.

The English farmer exclaims "It's my egg, because it's my Chicken", and the Irish farmer replies with "Well, the egg is mostly on my side of the fence, so it's mine". They argue back and forth about an hour, until the Irish farmer comes up with a solution.

"To see who the strongest farmer is...

A chicken walks into a library

A chicken walks into a library, turns to the librarian.
The librarian asks the chicken 'what can I do for you?'
Chicken replies with 'booook.'
The librarian gives the chicken a book and it walks away and leaves the library. The chicken comes back 5 minutes later with the book and gives it...

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Why did she want to go to the other side?

To go to the pub.

Why did she want to go to the pub?

To go to the toilet.

Why did she want to go to the toilet?


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A man steps into a brothel (nsfw)

He approaches the head mistress and says what can I get for $5? The head mistress takes him to a room with a morbidly obese woman. He doesn't enjoy it but it got the job done.

Next week he goes back and tells the mistress he only has $4 this time so she takes him to a room with a chicken in...

What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?


I made a chicken salad for dinner last night.

But he didn’t eat it. Maybe I used too much dressing.

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