A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

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My 5yo asked me to tell you guys this joke I'm so sorry...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cause your butt stinks!! Ha! Stinky butt



He doesn't understand downvotes so I'll eat the loss of karma cause this made him happy

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An old man was sitting on his porch one morning when a boy walked up the road carrying a large roll of chicken wire.

“Hey, boy! What are you doing with all that chicken wire?”

“I’m gonna catch some chickens, sir.”

“You fool, you can’t catch no chickens with chicken wire.”

The boy smiled and walked off. That evening he came back dragging the chicken wire with at least a dozen chickens rolled up...

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Probably the chicken as eggs cant

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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

A Priest, Rabbi and Atheist walk into a bar and each ask for a drink.

The bartender, saying nothing and looking disdainful, points to a sign clearly labelled: NO JOKES SERVED HERE

Without a fight the Priest, Rabbi and Atheist leave the bar, heads hanging.

The next day a chicken walks in and plops down on the barstool.

Wiping the inside of a glass,...

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Last night I was sitting in the couch and watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen " what do you want for dinner honey? Chicken, beef or lamb?

I replied "Thank you love. I feel like having chicken."

She replied " You're having soup you fat bastard. I'm talking to the dog."

I went to a costume party dressed as an egg and I met a girl dressed as a chicken.

I said to her "So are we going to find out, or what?"

Chicken and an egg are lying in bed. Chicken rolls over, lights up a smoke and says,

“Well, guess that answers that question.”

Why don’t chickens wear underwear?

Because their pecker is on their face.

Why did Mozart get rid of all his chickens?

He asked them who the best composer was and didn’t like their answer.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

Why don't chickens tell their eggs any jokes?

Coz it would crack them up.

I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know.

How are chicken diseases transmitted?

Bockteria!

What do you call a chicken on rollerblades?

Poultry in motion.

Sorry, just thought of that. And...
I will not think anymore.

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A horse, chicken and a pig are out walking on a farm...

When suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole. The pig and chicken freak and they don’t know how they will get their friend out.

So the pig and chicken run up to the farmers house and they bang on the door, no answer... again they bang on the door, no answer.

In a fury the chicken bust...

Why are so many people obsessed with whether the chicken or the egg came first?

My wife always told me it was the person who came last that matters in a relationship.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was hungry, but these fast food restaurants are always on the #!&* left side!

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As a lawyer, whenever someone asks me the joke "why did the chicken cross the road," this is always my response.

As counsel for the chicken, I have advised my client to invoke its 5th Amendment right to remain silent. The chicken with neither confirm nor deny crossing the road, nor the existence of the road thereof. Your concept of ‘crossing’ and ‘road’ do not rise to criminal conduct in any jurisdictional cou...

Have you ever seen a chicken strip?

I've never seen a chicken wear clothes.

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New in the fast-food market: Oedipus Fried Chicken

>!It's motherfucking good!!<

Did you hear about the underdog boxer that got the measles, then the chicken pox, then polio?

I guess he never even had a shot.

It turns out my front lawn is chicken proof.

It's impeccable.

What sort of chicken caught the sun?

Tannedoori.

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, pork, chicken.

With any luck, someday I'll be a bullionaire.

What did the chicken say to the duck who was just about to cross the road?

"Don't do it bro, you will never hear the end of it..."

How should a farmer dress so he doesn't get attacked by his chickens?

Impeccably

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Why did she want to go to the other side?

To go to the pub.

Why did she want to go to the pub?

To go to the toilet.

Why did she want to go to the toilet?

BECAUSE THATS WHERE THE COCKS HANG OUT !!

I’m thinking about starting a social media network for chickens.

But not as my full-time job, just as a way to make hens meet.

Did you know Elvis was a big fan of Chicken Strips?

He even wrote a song about them called “Love Me Tender”.

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

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There's a breed of black chickens that actually hatch black eggs!

Search up "black cocks" yourself if you don't believe me.

People who take care of chickens are...

Literally "Chicken Tenders!"

Why did the chicken hold a seance?

To get to the other side.

Did I tell you about my neighbor who is afraid of chickens?

He built a beautiful fence around his house. All the neighbors say it’s impeccable.

A chicken walks into a library

... and says to the librarian:

”Book, book, book”

The librarian hand the chicken three books. On the way out, the chicken encounters a frog. The chicken shows the books to the frog and says:

”Book, book, book.”

The frog replies:

”Reddit, reddit, reddit.”

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Why don’t chicken breasts have nipples?

They would tear the packaging while in the freezer.

Chicken walks into a library

It says book so librarian gives it a book.
Goes back and says book book, so librarian gives two books.
Comes back again and says book book book, so librarian gives 3 books.

Librarian wonders how the chicken reads the books so fast, so follows it home. Turns out the chicken is looking af...

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What did the sexy chicken say to the sexy cow?

Brown-chicken-brown-cow

What did the chicken do at the end of his shift?

He clucked out.

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

How did the chicken cross the road?!



WHO IS THE CHICKEN?!?!



I swear I'll get to the bottom of this cluckspiracy!

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather, kinky is using the whole chicken

CHICKEN

I had a hen who could count eggs. She was a mathemachicken

There are 2 chickens in a barn, one says: "tok, tok, tok, tok, tok".

The other replies: "are you tokking to me"?

Did you hear about the Mexican space program?

They’re sending chickens to the moon for the first time ever, they’re calling it A-pollo 11

What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?

Lost.

Just ordered Hong Kong style sweet and sour chicken from my local takeaway

4 police officers delivered it and fired tear gas through my front door.

A chicken walks into a library

A chicken walks into a library, turns to the librarian.
The librarian asks the chicken 'what can I do for you?'
Chicken replies with 'booook.'
The librarian gives the chicken a book and it walks away and leaves the library. The chicken comes back 5 minutes later with the book and gives it...

How do chickens tell who's the alpha male or female?

They use a *pecking* order

I made a chicken salad for dinner last night.

But he didn’t eat it. Maybe I used too much dressing.

I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon today...

I wonder which one will come first.

What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad

Person 1: What came first the chicken or the egg?

Person 2: I'm pretty sure the rooster came first.

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An English and an Irish farmer are arguing at their fence over Politics when along comes a chicken and lays an egg right on the fence boundary.

The English farmer exclaims "It's my egg, because it's my Chicken", and the Irish farmer replies with "Well, the egg is mostly on my side of the fence, so it's mine". They argue back and forth about an hour, until the Irish farmer comes up with a solution.

"To see who the strongest farmer is...

What's the difference between a chicken and a man?

The chicken eats with it's pecker

Man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Hey! Can I get a chicken sandwich?" The librarian admonishes him, "Sir! This is a library." He replies...

"Oh sorry, *^one ^chicken ^sandwich ^please!* "

What do you call a number to the power of chickens?

An eggs-ponent

Chicken pot pie

My three favorite things.

A guy walks into his home with a chicken under his arm...

Husband: "here's the cow I've been sleeping with"

Wife: "that's not a cow that's a chicken"

Husband: "I wasn't talking to you"

So I went out dressed like a chicken last night

And I met a girl who was dressed like an egg. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: it was the chicken.

Horse, Chicken, Cow

So there is this horse, he is watching TV and sees this really awesome band. He really zeroes in on the lead guitarist. He wants to learn so bad. So he calls the local music instructor and asks if he can teach him to play the guitar. So after a few months, the horse plays exactly like his favori...

Inspired by “Vulture Culture”: two vultures are boarding a plane, one of them is dragging a dead chicken. The gate attendant stops them and says:

I’m sorry sir, but this airline does not allow carrion.

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

Where do tough chickens come from?

Hard boiled eggs

I created a better way to defrost chicken

It was well thawed out.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He saw a sign at the front of a building that said "chicken strips for $2"

Who is a chicken's favorite president?

BRRAAAWWWKobama

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Just found out cock fighting is done with chickens

There goes two years of training I'll never get back :(

Q: Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

A: If it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to his chicken sedan.

A photographer hunts down chicken...

Just try to picture that!

I saw a bunch of geese and ducks on the lawn in front of the Tyson processing plant. Initially I thought of how horrible it was that they were there flaunting their freedom to the condemned chickens, but then I thought no.....

it's just fowl behavior.

When is the best time to buy a chicken?

When they're going "Cheep!"

Why did Mozart kill his pet chicken?

Because all it could say was, "Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach..."

How do you make Alabama-style chicken?

Cook it over a dumpster fire and then serve it face down in a pool of its own blood.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because you didn't fucking cook it.

\-Gordon Ramsay

Why did the chicken cross the road

He heard KFC was hiring it didn't last long though he got fryerd

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A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turns to her and says,

"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.

"What a c...

TIFU when I brought my pregnant wife home a meatball foot long instead of the teriyaki chicken she asked for

Whoops, wrong sub.

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Horse and Chicken were standing in farmer Brown's yard. [Long]

Horse was standing in the biggest puddle of mud you ever did see, not paying attention to anything. Before he knew it, he had sunk up to his haunches and couldn't get out.
"Help me Chicken!" He cried. "Go get Farmer Brown to pull me out with his tractor"
"Can't!" Squawked Chicken. "Farmer Brow...

What’s the difference between a musician and a bucket of chicken?

A bucket of chicken can feed a family of four.

So, have you guys heard of a chicken cannon?

Used by US Federal Aviation Administration, it's a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.



The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crac...

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This guy inherits a parrot when his friend dies...

But the parrot wont stop swearing at him, calling him a dumb fuck, a cunt, and several other names.

The guy tries everything to get this bird to stop swearing.

Nothing works. He finally gets fed up and sticks him in the freezer.

Even from in there, he hears him cussing him ou...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

I don’t know, he got hit by a truck

just witnessed a chicken try and pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,

ImPeck-able

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What do you call a male chicken in a gang?

A hard cock.

Why did the Chicken Cross The road?

The chicken lived on one side of the street since chickhood. Curious what was on the other side of the street, he attempted many times but his mother hen would always scold him. He finally stopped trying to see what was over after he went to chicken school. He maid friends and grew a big reputation ...

A chicken walks into a library

A chicken walks into the library. It goes up to the circulation desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook". The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian s...

Chicken in a Library

A young librarian is amazed during his first day at work to see a chicken stride into the library with an armful of books. The chicken walks up to him and deposits the book on the desk. Apart from a little pond weed on one of the pages, they were all fine and within the lending period, in fact, they...

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