A guy with a pudding on his head walks down the street...

...another guy sees that and asks him why he has a pudding on his head.

Guy with pudding: "Oh it's wednesday, i always do that on wednesdays."
Other guy: "Hm, but today is thursday, sir!?!"
Guy with pudding: "Oh my god, i'm feeling so stupid right now!"

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Bill Cosby sure loved pudding.

Pudding his dick where it didn’t belong.

Apparently Bill Cosby is getting pudding with his first meal in prison.

He's finally receiving his just desserts.

Why aren’t vegans allowed to eat pudding?

Cuz you can’t have your pudding if you don’t eat your meat.

Did you hear about the guy who made pudding with spoiled milk?

It was quite off-pudding.

Why are vegans so angry all the time?

Because they can't have any pudding.

*(You can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat!)*

(Told by a 7 year old reading me a joke off of her SpongeBob Gogurt) "What is Plankton's grandma's favorite type of pudding?"

"Not labeled for individual sale!!!!!"

Apparently, Bill Cosby likes his women the way he likes his Jello Pudding...

...passed out cold.

Joke my 63 year old British dad just told me...

Two American astronauts zoom off to the moon, they land on the moon safely and hop out of the module. They do some routine work, collecting rock samples, checking temperatures and the like.

Then one of them sees a man in the distance sitting on a deck chair wearing a handkerchief with knots o...

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Bill Cosby was charged with sexual assault

I guess the proof was in the pudding

I've started calling my girlfriend names like Custard, Ice cream, Pudding, Chocolate cake, or Apple pie.

I'm planning to desert her.

What does a camel do on a pudding?

Walks through the dessert

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What's the difference between pudding pops and bill Cosbys dick?

It's consensual when people eat pudding pops.

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I like my women how I like my pudding.

With their tops off and my penis in them.

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

How do you know if a chef is also a mathematician..

...the proof is in the pudding...

I tried making dessert, but I only had sour milk.

It was quite off pudding.

Super stoked for the new Cosby Show spin-off...

Pudding it in Cosby.

Cake walks into a bar and orders a drink.

After a while he notices everyone's been staring at him since he walked in the door. He asks the barman, "what's everyone's problem?"

The barman says, "If I were you I'd get the hell out if here... Looks to me like everyone wants a piece of you!"

"That's nothing mate", replies the cake...

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I wasn't allowed to eat dessert tonight til after I masterbated...

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't beat your meat?

What is Donald Trump's favorite dessert?

Vladimir Pudding ;)

I like to spend every day as if it’s my last.

Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

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Three men were drinking at a bar

*(This is my best effort to translate this joke to English)*

The first guy tells the others, "You wouldn't believe what a fool I made of myself last night!
We were having a family dinner and I wanted to ask my mother in law if she wanted me to refill her CUP, but instead I said "Woul...

I found a hair in my Snack Pack.

It was off-pudding.

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The costume party

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in.

A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!", and lets her in.

Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of ...

A man is murdered in a dessert factory.

The defendant is clearly guilty, but the investigators struggle to find the murder weapon to properly incriminate him. Where could it possibly have been hidden? The lead investigator is at a loss, when one day he suddenly jumps from his desk as it comes to him.
“The proof is in the pudding!”

What's grosser than gross?

Having a dream you're eating chocolate pudding and waking up with a spoon in your ass.

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A long joke, thick with details

A man with a tiny dick hiked up a mountain to ask a shaman to help with his affliction. He reached the peak and approached the shaman.

"I want a nine inch dick. What do I have to do?"

"It's simple," said the shaman. "Look down at the jungle. Do you see that tree with the white bark?"<...

The custard I ate was past it's expiry date...

It was off-pudding

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Well, turn it around

A young man walking down the street sees a street vendor selling apples 1 for $5. Appalled at the price he stops and inquires about the over priced fruit.

“What’s so special about these apples?” Asked the young man.

“Well they’re 2 flavored apples.” Replied the vendor. “One side tast...

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This man is kind of bored so he goes to this exotic brothel he heard about...

When he gets there, the hostess talks to him about what he likes for a few minutes, and then, sensing he is open-minded, says, "we have something special today... it's not for everyone, but I think you might like it."

"What is it?" he asks, intrigued.

"It's a chicken that gives blowjo...

An English couple have a child

After the birth, medical tests reveal that the child is normal, apart from the fact that it is German. This, however, should not be a problem. There is nothing to worry about. As the child grows older, it dresses in lederhosen and has a pudding bowl haircut, but all its basic functions develop norma...

Two Bank robbers robbed a bank.

Two bank robbers wanted one more score before they retire. They picked out a bank, went In at night, got in the safe, went into the safety deposited boxes. Their was one problem though, their was no money. The safety deposit boxes was only full of banana pudding.

They think for a while and th...

Three construction workers on their lunch break...

One of them is Italian, one is Irish and one is German. They sit on the top of an 8 story building they are currently working on, ready to open their lunch boxes.

The Italian opens his lunch box: "Spaghetti again? Every day it'sa Spaghetti! Always a Spaghetti! If I have to eata the Spaghetti ...

Irish bank robbery

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers c...

Why did no one finish the half eaten flan in the fridge? [OC]

Because it was a bit-off pudding

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A vicar and his wife are walking

A posh old vicar and his wife are walking through the village one Sunday afternoon when they see some graffiti with the letters F, U, C, K.
"oh Terence what does that mean? " asks the vicars wife.
Embarrassed and not wanting to talk about such things with his wife, the vicar tells her that i...

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[NSFW][Long] The girl from facebook.

So, when I was 18 I met this girl online, we chatted for quite a bit before she eventually invited me over, now being an 18 year old male, there was only one outcome, I knew I was going to get some ass. I drove over to her house and had this pit in my stomach, I was nervous for some reason, somethin...

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Some amended Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dick...

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Two Jamaicans...

***If you have a thing against bad accents, you're going to have a bad time.***

...Are browsing thru some generic, privately-owned shop. On their way out one of them remarks, "Dere's nuting to do in dis town." The couple who owns the shop overhears this while clerking at the front counter and...

What do you call a custard when it goes bad?

Off-pudding.

Everyone, stop with the Jell-O jokes.

They're off-pudding.

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Once upon a time in a nursing home...

...there was an 80 year old woman and an 80 year old man. Despite their advanced years, they were both very much sexually driven despite the doctor's insistence that they give up that type of activity due to their advanced age, but one night, a sly wink over a game of Bingo and a sexy smile over pu...

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Somebody is throwing an emotions party...

Somebody is throwing an emotions party (i.e., a party for which guests are supposed to dress up as emotions), and the hostess has included two Jamaican guys on her invitation list. The doorbell rings, the hostess answers the door, and it’s a guest in a green devil outfit. The guest says, “I’m envy,”...

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The Dutch connection

Two people are in a restaurant in Amsterdam sitting at the bar. Both are drinking and both look depressed. After a while the man turns to the woman and says:

"Excuse me, I'm looking across and you're a very beautiful woman, you look incredible, but you look so depressed, why?"

"Well, y...