The 59+ Best Pudding Jokes

How does Reese eat her pudding?

Witherspoon

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Did you know Bill Cosby loves pudding?

Pudding his dick where it doesn't belong

How do you make blood pudding?

From scratch.

I was born male, I identify as male, but according to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding....

I'm a family of four.

My mate was in the army. He ate all the pudding rations.

He got shot for desserting

I went to the liqour store to look for eggnog vodka or figgy pudding bourbon ...

But there's just no Christmas spirits anymore

As a Pink Floyd fan, nothing makes me angrier than seeing a vegan eating pudding.

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

Why dont Vegetarians ever get to eat any pudding?

If they dont eat their meat, they cant have their pudding.

(Told by a 7 year old reading me a joke off of her SpongeBob Gogurt) "What is Plankton's grandma's favorite type of pudding?"

"Not labeled for individual sale!!!!!"

A guy with a pudding on his head walks down the street...

...another guy sees that and asks him why he has a pudding on his head.

Guy with pudding: "Oh it's wednesday, i always do that on wednesdays."
Other guy: "Hm, but today is thursday, sir!?!"
Guy with pudding: "Oh my god, i'm feeling so stupid right now!"

Apparently Bill Cosby is getting pudding with his first meal in prison.

He's finally receiving his just desserts.

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What's the difference between pudding pops and bill Cosbys dick?

It's consensual when people eat pudding pops.

Am Englishman, an American, and a German are on an expedition in the Amazon

Am Englishman, an American, and a German are on an expedition in the Amazon

They are captured by a tribe of natives. The chief says to them, "you must die for intruding our land. Where do you come from?"

The Englishman answers: "I'm from England". The chief decides: "Great! We make kid...

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An auld fella from the west coast of Scotland is staying at a bed and breakfast in Cornwall.

On the first morning of his stay, the proprietor serves him a full English breakfast (sausages, bacon, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, fried slice and two pieces of bread and butter).

Later, as he’s about to go out, the proprietor asks him was the breakfast all to his liking.
...

What do you call pudding that’s starting to go bad?

Off-pudding

I like lots of different foods, like ramen, oatmeal, pudding, rice...

...just for instants.

I've started calling my girlfriend names like Custard, Ice cream, Pudding, Chocolate cake, or Apple pie.

I'm planning to desert her.

As a serial killer, I keep all of my trophies in a snack pack.

The proof is in the pudding.

what is a russian's favourite yogurt?

A Vladimir Pudding.

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The costume party

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in.

A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!", and lets her in.

Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of ...

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Pudding and Yesterday

Pudding and Yesterday had gotten into some real mischief and their mother laid into them, screaming and swearing she eventually sent them to their room.

After an hour Pudding says that he needs to poo really badly but he is afraid to go downstairs or their mother might start screaming again....

What do you call an academic paper written by a pudding?

A dessertation

I think my dessert was starting to spoil

The flavor was really off pudding.

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This Cake Day I really wanted to take a whisk.

But when I asked a baker for a good cake joke, he told me they are on a knead to know basis.

I was speechless and couldn’t even come with a good re-torte, I almost broke down in tiers.

So I did when any great man would do and called my mom who has always been my biggest flan, she liste...

A jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field.

His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.

He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence....

I'm constantly losing my jello

I mean I can't remember where I keep pudding it.

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You want to know what's really disgusting?

When you dream about eating pudding and wake up the next day with a spoon up your ass.

Cake walks into a bar and orders a drink.

After a while he notices everyone's been staring at him since he walked in the door. He asks the barman, "what's everyone's problem?"

The barman says, "If I were you I'd get the hell out if here... Looks to me like everyone wants a piece of you!"

"That's nothing mate", replies the cake...

Dessert??

My wife made dessert with expired milk.

It was really off pudding.

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An English couple have a child

After the birth, medical tests reveal that the child is normal, apart from the fact that it is German. This, however, should not be a problem. There is nothing to worry about. As the child grows older, it dresses in lederhosen and has a pudding bowl haircut, but all its basic functions develop norma...

What did the mathematician say when he dropped his work papers into his lunch snack?

The proof is in the pudding.

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Here’s a Gaelic joke translated...

3 vampires are in a restaurant: rich, middle class, and poor. They asked for a menu, and later on told the waiter that they’re ready to order.

Waiter: What can I get for you?

Rich Vampire: Fresh blood please.

Middle Class Vampire: Blood pudding please.

Poor Vampire: Erm.....

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Some amended Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dick...

If Bill Cosby and Donald Trump had a TV show, it would be called

“Grab em By The Pudding”

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A man is hosting an emotions party.

In order to get into the party, guests had to be dressed as their favorite emotion.

As the host is getting ready for the party, he hears the doorbell.

He opens the door and sees a couple dressed all in red. The man says, "And what are you supposed to be?"

The couple replies, "...

the puppy test

Before you get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wee...

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Two Jamaicans...

***If you have a thing against bad accents, you're going to have a bad time.***

...Are browsing thru some generic, privately-owned shop. On their way out one of them remarks, "Dere's nuting to do in dis town." The couple who owns the shop overhears this while clerking at the front counter and...

I've known Paul for years

He's always been such a nice guy. In middle school, our teachers would always ask if he finished his homework. Paul would hold up his homework and say yes. During lunch, kids would always ask if they could sit with him, and Paul would say yes. A kid would ask if he's trade his pudding cup for an app...

Joke my 63 year old British dad just told me...

Two American astronauts zoom off to the moon, they land on the moon safely and hop out of the module. They do some routine work, collecting rock samples, checking temperatures and the like.

Then one of them sees a man in the distance sitting on a deck chair wearing a handkerchief with knots o...

I had a dream that there was a dessert food made with sugar, cornstarch, and cocoa. In case any of you want to make it a reality...

I’m just pudding it out there.

Did y’all hear how they cracked the Cosby case?

The proof was in the pudding

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Bill Cosby was charged with sexual assault

I guess the proof was in the pudding

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A long joke, thick with details

A man with a tiny dick hiked up a mountain to ask a shaman to help with his affliction. He reached the peak and approached the shaman.

"I want a nine inch dick. What do I have to do?"

"It's simple," said the shaman. "Look down at the jungle. Do you see that tree with the white bark?"<...

Jell-o has officially cut all ties with Bill Cosby.

They said the proof was in the pudding.

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

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A grandpa is eating cake on the couch..

A grandpa is eating cake on the couch and his grandson asks if he can have some.
The grandpa says "can your penis touch your butthole?" The grandson says no. The grandpa says okay there's your answer.
The next day grandpa was eating ice cream at the table and the grand son asks if he can have...

Irish bank robbery

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers c...

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This man is kind of bored so he goes to this exotic brothel he heard about...

When he gets there, the hostess talks to him about what he likes for a few minutes, and then, sensing he is open-minded, says, "we have something special today... it's not for everyone, but I think you might like it."

"What is it?" he asks, intrigued.

"It's a chicken that gives blowjo...

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I wasn't allowed to eat dessert tonight til after I masterbated...

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't beat your meat?

I found a hair in my Snack Pack.

It was off-pudding.

Super stoked for the new Cosby Show spin-off...

Pudding it in Cosby.

I like to spend every day as if it’s my last.

Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

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Well, turn it around

A young man walking down the street sees a street vendor selling apples 1 for $5. Appalled at the price he stops and inquires about the over priced fruit.

“What’s so special about these apples?” Asked the young man.

“Well they’re 2 flavored apples.” Replied the vendor. “One side tast...

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A vicar and his wife are walking

A posh old vicar and his wife are walking through the village one Sunday afternoon when they see some graffiti with the letters F, U, C, K.
"oh Terence what does that mean? " asks the vicars wife.
Embarrassed and not wanting to talk about such things with his wife, the vicar tells her that i...

What is Donald Trump's favorite dessert?

Vladimir Pudding ;)

I tried making dessert, but I only had sour milk.

It was quite off pudding.

The custard I ate was past it's expiry date...

It was off-pudding

Everyone, stop with the Jell-O jokes.

They're off-pudding.

Why did no one finish the half eaten flan in the fridge? [OC]

Because it was a bit-off pudding

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