Can vegans eat pudding?

No, you cant have any pudding if you don't eat your meat.

What do you call pudding that’s starting to go bad?

Off-pudding

As a Pink Floyd fan, nothing makes me angrier than seeing a vegan eating pudding.

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

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Did you know Bill Cosby likes pudding?

Pudding his dick where it doesn't belong

Today I learned vegetarians can't eat pudding.

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

I had a dream that there was a dessert food made with sugar, cornstarch, and cocoa. In case any of you want to make it a reality...

I’m just pudding it out there.

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My wife asked to start calling her "pudding"

after watching suicide squad. I though how ironic as she is a fat fuck.

How do you make blood pudding?

From scratch.

(Told by a 7 year old reading me a joke off of her SpongeBob Gogurt) "What is Plankton's grandma's favorite type of pudding?"

"Not labeled for individual sale!!!!!"

Did y’all hear how they cracked the Cosby case?

The proof was in the pudding

Did you hear about the guy who made pudding with spoiled milk?

It was quite off-pudding.

Apparently Bill Cosby is getting pudding with his first meal in prison.

He's finally receiving his just desserts.

What does a camel do on a pudding?

Walks through the dessert

Apparently, Bill Cosby likes his women the way he likes his Jello Pudding...

...passed out cold.

I've started calling my girlfriend names like Custard, Ice cream, Pudding, Chocolate cake, or Apple pie.

I'm planning to desert her.

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What's the difference between pudding pops and bill Cosbys dick?

It's consensual when people eat pudding pops.

I've known Paul for years

He's always been such a nice guy. In middle school, our teachers would always ask if he finished his homework. Paul would hold up his homework and say yes. During lunch, kids would always ask if they could sit with him, and Paul would say yes. A kid would ask if he's trade his pudding cup for an app...

What do you call an academic paper written by a pudding?

A dessertation

Why didn't the expired dessert get invited to the party?

It was very off pudding.

Jell-o has officially cut all ties with Bill Cosby.

They said the proof was in the pudding.

Cake walks into a bar and orders a drink.

After a while he notices everyone's been staring at him since he walked in the door. He asks the barman, "what's everyone's problem?"

The barman says, "If I were you I'd get the hell out if here... Looks to me like everyone wants a piece of you!"

"That's nothing mate", replies the cake...

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

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I wasn't allowed to eat dessert tonight til after I masterbated...

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't beat your meat?

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The costume party

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in.

A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!", and lets her in.

Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of ...

I tried making dessert, but I only had sour milk.

It was quite off pudding.

What is Donald Trump's favorite dessert?

Vladimir Pudding ;)

Super stoked for the new Cosby Show spin-off...

Pudding it in Cosby.

I found a hair in my Snack Pack.

It was off-pudding.

I like to spend every day as if it’s my last.

Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

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A long joke, thick with details

A man with a tiny dick hiked up a mountain to ask a shaman to help with his affliction. He reached the peak and approached the shaman.

"I want a nine inch dick. What do I have to do?"

"It's simple," said the shaman. "Look down at the jungle. Do you see that tree with the white bark?"<...

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What's grosser than gross?

Having a dream you're eating chocolate pudding and waking up with a spoon in your ass.

Joke my 63 year old British dad just told me...

Two American astronauts zoom off to the moon, they land on the moon safely and hop out of the module. They do some routine work, collecting rock samples, checking temperatures and the like.

Then one of them sees a man in the distance sitting on a deck chair wearing a handkerchief with knots o...

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This man is kind of bored so he goes to this exotic brothel he heard about...

When he gets there, the hostess talks to him about what he likes for a few minutes, and then, sensing he is open-minded, says, "we have something special today... it's not for everyone, but I think you might like it."

"What is it?" he asks, intrigued.

"It's a chicken that gives blowjo...

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An English couple have a child

After the birth, medical tests reveal that the child is normal, apart from the fact that it is German. This, however, should not be a problem. There is nothing to worry about. As the child grows older, it dresses in lederhosen and has a pudding bowl haircut, but all its basic functions develop norma...

A man is murdered in a dessert factory.

The defendant is clearly guilty, but the investigators struggle to find the murder weapon to properly incriminate him. Where could it possibly have been hidden? The lead investigator is at a loss, when one day he suddenly jumps from his desk as it comes to him.
“The proof is in the pudding!”

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Well, turn it around

A young man walking down the street sees a street vendor selling apples 1 for $5. Appalled at the price he stops and inquires about the over priced fruit.

“What’s so special about these apples?” Asked the young man.

“Well they’re 2 flavored apples.” Replied the vendor. “One side tast...

The custard I ate was past it's expiry date...

It was off-pudding

You know what they say about custard...

It's a little off pudding.

Irish bank robbery

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers c...

Three construction workers on their lunch break...

One of them is Italian, one is Irish and one is German. They sit on the top of an 8 story building they are currently working on, ready to open their lunch boxes.

The Italian opens his lunch box: "Spaghetti again? Every day it'sa Spaghetti! Always a Spaghetti! If I have to eata the Spaghetti ...

How do you know if a chef is also a mathematician..

...the proof is in the pudding...

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Some amended Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dick...

Fred Astaire took his outfit to the dry cleaners.

"What happened to get it in such a mess?" The dry cleaner asked.

"Well" replied Fred, "Was in the kitchen when I tripped up and knocked a bowl full of rice pudding all over myself"

"Now I've got....... pudding on my top hat.... pudding on my white tie........pudding on my tails"

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A vicar and his wife are walking

A posh old vicar and his wife are walking through the village one Sunday afternoon when they see some graffiti with the letters F, U, C, K.
"oh Terence what does that mean? " asks the vicars wife.
Embarrassed and not wanting to talk about such things with his wife, the vicar tells her that i...

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Two Jamaicans...

***If you have a thing against bad accents, you're going to have a bad time.***

...Are browsing thru some generic, privately-owned shop. On their way out one of them remarks, "Dere's nuting to do in dis town." The couple who owns the shop overhears this while clerking at the front counter and...

Why did no one finish the half eaten flan in the fridge? [OC]

Because it was a bit-off pudding

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Once upon a time in a nursing home...

...there was an 80 year old woman and an 80 year old man. Despite their advanced years, they were both very much sexually driven despite the doctor's insistence that they give up that type of activity due to their advanced age, but one night, a sly wink over a game of Bingo and a sexy smile over pu...

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Somebody is throwing an emotions party...

Somebody is throwing an emotions party (i.e., a party for which guests are supposed to dress up as emotions), and the hostess has included two Jamaican guys on her invitation list. The doorbell rings, the hostess answers the door, and it’s a guest in a green devil outfit. The guest says, “I’m envy,”...

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The Dutch connection

Two people are in a restaurant in Amsterdam sitting at the bar. Both are drinking and both look depressed. After a while the man turns to the woman and says:

"Excuse me, I'm looking across and you're a very beautiful woman, you look incredible, but you look so depressed, why?"

"Well, y...

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