You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....

Times new ramen!

How do make a chickpea soup?

You can’t. The closest you can hope for is for her to have diarrhea.

I ate five cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Then, I easily had the biggest vowel movement ever.

What is the most acidic soup?

Ph0

Two guys always order the noodle soup at “Kyoto soup restaurant”

Two guys always order the noodle soup at “Kyoto soup restaurant”. Every time they order the soup the same person always serves them.
“Hey ching chong hurry up will you” the first man always says. ...

I had to wait in line for a bowl of Vietnamese soup

That’s it, no joke. Don’t like it? Pho queue.

I invested in a soup manufacturer. I asked them what the stock options were.

They said chicken or vegetable

When I looked at my alphabet soup, I thought I was in the red light district.

Turns out I just saw a broth L

Went to dinner last night at a lovely restaurant in Bristol, and there was a fly in my soup.

I wouldn’t have normally minded, but the zipper broke my tooth.

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An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scotsman are all eating soup at a restaurant

The Irishman notices a fly in his soup. He scoops out the fly, shrugs, and goes on eating without giving it a second thought.

The Englishman notices a fly in his soup. He turns up his nose disgustedly, and signals for the waiter to come take the soup away.

The Scotsman notices a fly in...

I was chopping up some leftover dumplings from my soup at a Chinese restaurant when suddenly it hit me...

I was engaging in acts of wonton destruction.

Where can you buy soup in bulk?

The stock market.

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A mother serves a creamy yellow soup to her son and his girlfriend at the dinner tablr

Everyone begins consuming it immediately. The girlfriend, an aspiring theater actress, says to her boyfriend’s mother, “This soup is absolutely delicious! What’s the secret ingredient?”

“Piss,” replied his mother.

Everyone promptly spits out their soup.

“Excuse me?” asks his ...

My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

I bought a warehouse full of soup stock

Now I'm a bouillonaire

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So a guy walks into a truck stop and orders soup...

It arrives in a few minutes. The waiter has his finger in the soup. As he sets the soup down the guy goes: “Oi!!! What gives with the finger in my soup???”

The waiter replies affably: “Oh, it’s just that I have a cuticle infection and keeping it warm helps.”

“Why in the ever loving fuc...

What is an Asian Canadian's preferred soup?

Miso Sorry

I'm starting a protest against the evil capitalist structure promoted by Vietnamese soup salesmen.

We are Anti-Pho

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Soup or sex?

For his 83rd birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hires a call girl for him. When he answers the door she’s standing there in a sexy black dress. She says, “Are you the birthday boy? I’m here to give you super sex.”

After thinking for a minute the old man replies, “I guess I’ll have the so...

A man is eating at a restaurant, when he notices there's a spider in his soup. He calls over the waiter and complains.

"I'm deeply sorry, sir" the waiter replies "but the fly asked to take the day off".

Fun fact! Irish soups only use 239 beans

If they used one more, it would be two-fahrty...

Why should you always serve a Southern Carolina football man soup in a plate?

Cause if you give him a bowl, he'll throw it away.

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup.

Anyone can roast beef, but it’s not easy to pea soup.

Steve likes Flowers

Every week, he goes to a different florist in his city, and buys a different kind of flower, trying to find what looks and smells best. On this occasion, however, he struggles to find one that fits his vibe for the week. Seeing his struggle, the young florist walks up.

"Hi!" She says with a ...

Being a man is like being a bowl of soup.

You only get blown if you're hot.

There's a fly in my soup !

Man on holiday in Paris goes to a restaurant and orders his dinner. When the soup arrives he finds a fly in the soup.
He calls the waiter over, and mustering his best French says:
Garcon, voici le mouche !
The waiter looks at the soup for a moment and then replies (in his best En...

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their Irish bean soup?

Because one more and it would be too farty...

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An old couple was staying at home, and the wife decided she was going to try to make home made soup.

So she geared up to brave the outside world and headed to the shops to get the supplies, leaving her husband behind in his office saying she was getting him a surpise, her only hint being "It's going to be really hot and steamy later!!". The husband, assuming that she was going out to buy something ...

Would you like the soup or salad?

Oh, that sounds much too big for me. I’ll just have the regular-sized salad, thank you!

what do u call a strong soup?

s0uperior

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Two explorers are caught by cannibals and put in a large pot of water to be cooked. As the cannibals start the fire beneath them, one of the explorers starts chuckling to himself.

"What is so damn funny? We're going to die here!"

*"I just pissed in their soup."*

Tonight I'm going to have possum soup made from Himalayan possum...

... because I found Himalayan on the road.

Just had donkey soup

Taste like ass

How do you make gold soup?

Add 24 carrots

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

A man at a restaurant ordered a soup

The waitress brings it out and the man just sat there, not even having the soup he ordered. The waitress notices him not eating and a few minutes later she approaches him and asked "Is everything alright with the food?" And he just replied "try it" and she refused saying "sir it's against company po...

What’s a canibal’s favourite soup?

Vegetable soup

Pronunciation, please

What happens when you choke on Vietnamese soup?

Pho cough.

How does a neckbeard serve the soup?

With M'ladle

What's the difference between a toilet bowl and a soup bowl?

If you had to click to find out, I'm never having soup at your place.

What's the difference between ramen soup and an Oscar-bait movie?

You watch one for three minutes, stirring occasionally. You watch the other for three hours and it's occasionally stirring.

I recently saw on the news they caught the man who robbed a Campbell’s soup truck...

I hope they they lock him up for mmmmm...good

My family and I got takeout and we got wonton soup but we needed one more

so now we have twoton soup.

How did Miso soup get its name?

Miso hungry....

If life is soup

Then I am fork

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So it’s this guys 90th birthday, and his friends and family get him one of those big cakes with a stripper in it

So she pops out, looks him dead in the eye and asks “do you want some super sex?”

After thinking about it for a moment the old man looks up and says “well...I think I’ll take the soup”

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I was in the supermarket the other day and there was a girl in front of me at the checkout, she had one apple, one pear, one toothbrush, one cup o noodle, and one can of soup.

I leaned over and said, "You're single arent you.."

She says, "Yes, but how did you know?"

I said, "Because you're ugly as fuck!"

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The Blind Man and Matzo

It was Passover in New York. Moishe decided to have his lunch in Central Park because the day just looked beautiful. So his wife, Becky, packed him tomato soup and a bit of matzo with his lunch.

Lunch time rolls around and Moishe finds a park bench to enjoy his meal. All of a sudden, a blind ...

A man with a list of symptoms goes to the doctors office

A man shuffles into the doctors office, hunched over, wheezing, and clutching his stomach.

Man: “hi doc, I’ve been in constant pain.”

Doctor: “What’s the matter? Tell me the most prevalent symptoms.”

Thinking, the man slowly replies

Man: “ I have aches all over, I have a...

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A man turns 85 in a nursing home, his son hires a prostitute to pay him a visit.

She bursts into his room wearing a nurse's uniform and said " Are you ready for Super Sex?"

He sits up, looks her over and says, I think I'll have the soup today.

How can you tell the difference between a can of soup and a can of baked beans?

Read the label.

What is the cannibal King's favorite joke during diner ?

"There's a heir in my soup !"

I wanted to tell a joke about soup kitchens.

But it was in poor taste.

Why did the cannibal bring a water cooker to the crematorium?

He wanted some instant soup

What do you call a possum that goes back for seconds on soup

A more-soupial

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It was a man's 90th birthday and friends chipped in to get him a prostitute

It was a man's 90th birthday and friends chipped in to get him a prostitute.

She was dressed very sexy and she slowly danced in front of him.

Then she sat on his lap and whispered in his ear

"I'm here to give you Super Sex!!

The old guy smiled and said

"HMMMM, what...

Another deserted island joke...

A chemist, a physicist, and an economist are shipwrecked on a deserted island, with only a book of waterproof matches, a set of flares, and a case of canned soup.

“All we have to eat is this soup,” said the chemist as he set of the first flare. “Let’s set the cans here, near the water, so th...

A guy was watching the news and realized a famous celebrity had died. He called a friend to share the news.

Jim: Did you hear that Reece Whats-her-Name died? She choked to death while eating soup...

Joe: Oh no! Witherspoon??

Jim: Yes, of course.

I've combined alphabet soup and a laxative.

I call it "letter rip"

A man orders soup at a restaurant.

The waiter brings the soup, the man doesn't eat, he asks the waiter to taste:
-Is there anything wrong sir?
-No just taste it.
-I can change it for you
-I want you to taste it!
-But..
-Do it!
-Ok, where's the spoon?
-Exactly, go bring me a spoon!

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A guest dining in a classy restaurant drops his spoon before finishing his soup. (Nsfw)

Before he could reach down to pick it up, a server was already standing next to him holding a replacement.
"Wow! That was tremendously fast. The service here is impeccable. How did you do that?."
"Well, all of the servers here have an extra piece of cutlery on their tray at all times just...

A married couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary

They celebrate it in the same hotel as where they spent their honeymoon 50 years ago.

The next morning at breakfast the man says to his wife "isn't it unbelievable that we have been together for 50 years?" The wife replies saying "yes it is, we are even sitting at the same table as we did 50...

"Talent hits a target no one else can hit. Genius hits a target no one else can see.”

So not trying to brag, but my baby has learned to count to "soup".

I tried to translate a joke

General ordered soldier to catch a rabbit and make a soup while he is taking a nap. When he woke up he see a bowl of soup on table. Amused General asked soldier “how did you catch rabbit in that short time?”
Soldier replied “ I saw a rabbit running around and shot it immediately, it didn’t even h...

A man walks into a restaurant and orders a soup.

Shortly after he gets it he calls the waiter

Waiter: Yes Sir, how can I help you?

Man: Can you please taste the soup?

Waiter: Why? What's wrong with it?

Man: Please taste the soup!

Waiter: I can replace it if there's anything wrong with it!

Man: Taste the so...

I went to a Vietnamese food truck at lunch to order my favourite soup...

But there was a huge line and I was in a rush. It was kind of a pho queue.

Alphabet Soup?

More like Times New Ramen, amirite?



(Not OC, but one of my favorite one-liners and haven’t seen it posted in this sub)

I called in an order of wonton soup, but I guess they misunderstood me.

On an unrelated note, I'm opening a soup kitchen.

I was at a restaurant, and spilled soup on my jeans.

I called for there server: "Waitress, there's soup in my fly"

A man orders soup at the restaraunt, but as soon as it arrives, it becomes apparent something is very wrong with his meal.

He flags down his waiter.

"Excuse me waiter, could you please taste my soup?"

The waiter gives the man a strange look.

"Is something wrong with your soup, sir?"

The man shakes his head,

"Please taste the soup, waiter."

The waiter gets flustered, he told the ...

The banquet manager was walking by holding a hot bowl of soup...

She said "hot stuff coming through"

I responded "oh? What are you carrying then?"

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One jew in a weekly meeting in synagogue came to Rabbi...

... and asked him: Rabbi, we are living in this russian village for a very long time, but i can't understand why russians don't like us?

Rabbi pondered and said that he doesn't know the answer and there is no answer on this question in every book he read, but we can't leave this question unan...

Q: You know how to eat soup with chopsticks?

A: put them down and pick up the bowl.

The waiter had a spoon in his pocket

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw t...

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The Waiter and the Spoon

A married couple decides to brave Covid and eat out for their anniversary at a fancy restaurant. They’ve been ordering Grubhub for months and are excited to support a local business in person. They order soup, but as it arrives, the man accidentally knock his spoon onto the floor with his elbow. To ...

A chef made my soup in a rush and I asked "Why didn't you add any herbs and spices?"

He said "Sorry, I didn't have the thyme".

A trucker enters a roadside cafe in the middle of his long drive

The waitress brings him a soup. Meanwhile, three bikers enter the cafe. While passing the trucker, they each spit into his soup.

Silently, the trucker pays and leaves the cafe. One of the bikers then says to the waitress,

'What an idiot! Can't even stand for himself!'

The waitre...

I don’t eat alphabet soup

Because I won’t risk taking an L

Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!

Well, that's the last time we get the tailor to cook the food.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Super sex NSFW

A man walks into a Thai massage parlour to get a full body massage, a lady comes and massages him all over the man gets the best massage of his life as the massage comes to an end the lady says to him would you like the “super sex “ he says he exhausted and hasn’t eaten all day and that he’ll take t...

What are these pennies doing in my soup?” the restaurant patron demanded, motioning for the waiter to come over to his table. The waiter walked over and whispered...

“You said you would stop eating here if there wasn’t some change in the food.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A waitress, on her last day, decides to walk to each of her tables and lift up her skirt to proudly proclaim,

"Super Pussy!". She continues to do this over and over to the horror of her customers, until she reaches a table which sat an elderly man. She approaches him and lifts up her skirt and, again, proclaims, "Super Pussy!" and awaits his reaction. The old man looks at her, then her pussy, then back at h...

What’s 2000lbs of Chinese soup called?

Won-ton soup!

Have you ever had Oasis soup?

You get a roll with it.

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The spoon in a waiter's pocket catches the customer's attention

The customer asks "Why do you have a spoon in your pocket?" To which the waiter replies "It's part of a new program to save time the restaurant is doing. If I drop a soup spoon, I can quickly replace it with the spoon in my pocket, and then switch the dirty one out next time I'm in the kitchen." The...

My cousin's allergic to shellfish, and I laughed as I told him I put shrimp in his soup.

You should've seen his reaction....

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a bowl of tomato soup

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of soup is still full. He asks, "Are you going to have that soup?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl over and he...

How do you make a soup using 1s and 0s?

Beef Boolean.

There is one letter Chef Boyardee didn’t want in his soups

The letter was F and he said “get the F out of here!”

A Korean boy, who is the head chef of a local soup restaurant, is arrested for accusingly spitting in every bowl of soup that’s made and poisoning all of the customers. The other chefs knew about it and didn’t say anything at first, but eventually couldn’t hide it any longer and told the cops.

He is punished to serious, hard work for a month, but he is always upbeat no matter what. So one day the cops decide to see if any one of them can make the boy unhappy. One decides to put the boy’s shoes in a block of cement. The boy doesn’t care, and he just does his work with no shoes. Another dec...

“You like soup?”

“Yea, especially thick heavy soups. ”
“oh what’s your favorite heavy soup?”
“wonton soup”



Edit. Thanks to the 6 people that found this terrible joke upvote worthy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman checking out at the register of the grocery store puts bacon, milk, frozen peas, butter, and a can of soup on the conveyor belt. The man behind her in line see all this and says: “You must be single.” “Why, yes, I am, how did you know?” she asks.

“Cause you’re the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” he says.

I made a vegetable soup.

Sadly he dropped it all over his wheelchair.

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