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Soup Jokes

My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....

Times new ramen!

Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup?

One more would have made it two farty.

"When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat..."

the vowels."

Friend: "Why?"

Me: "Sometimes."

Two cannibals were eating and the first one says: Your sister makes a delicious soup. The second one says:

True, but now I miss her

Being a man is like being a bowl of soup.

You only get blown if you're hot.

I bought a warehouse full of soup stock

Now I'm a bouillonaire

"Waiter, my soup is cold!" "It's gazpacho"

"Gazpacho, my soup is cold!"

Difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef

I can't lift a ton of chicken soup but I can lift a ton of pho.

Because a pho ton is light.

I ordered wonton soup at a local Chinese restaurant, but they misunderstood my order.

In unrelated news, I'm opening a soup kitchen.

What do you get when you mix alphabet soup and laxatives?

Letter rip!

I ate five cans of alphabet soup earlier.

Just had the biggest vowel movement ever.

What kind of soup does a vampire make?

Nosferastew.

So this guy goes to this fancy French restaurant and orders a bowl of soup.

The waiter brings it over to his table, and the guy starts eating. But after a minute or so, the guy discovers that there is a fly in the soup. Disgusted, he calls the waiter over and informs him of the problem.

The waiter leans down and studies the soup for awhile, then reaches for his cell...

"Waiter, there's no chicken in this chicken soup!"

"That's all right, sir. There are no cottages in our cottage cheese, either."

Three brothers eating soup

A mom has three sons and she's making them soup, While she's not looking a cupboard above the stove opens and a box of beebee's falls in the soup. She keeps cooking, serves them lunch and they go back outside to play. Ten minutes later the first boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee...

Elon Musk has announced a new recipe for chicken soup

First you boil the chicken in water and then you dump the stock.

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.

It was Won Ton.

Where can you buy soup in bulk?

The stock market.

I complained to my waiter that my alphabet soup had no letters between 'T' and 'V'

They said "That sounds like a 'U' problem"

Fog as thick as pea soup.

There was a dense summer fog and the officer on the bridge was becoming more and more exasperated.

As he leaned over the side of the bridge trying to pierce the gloom, he sees a hazy figure leaning on a rail a few yards from his ship.

He almost choked.

"What do you think you're ...

I asked him to heat up the Vietnamese soup...

and he immediately left the house and came back 20 minutes later with a Fajita!

How do you make gold soup ?

Put 24 carrots in it

The Florida man accused of stealing a truck full of $75,000 with of Campbell's soup is finally going to trial...

I, for one, hope they lock him up for M'm! M'm! Good!!!

Its bad enough I'm bulimic, but today, after vomiting up my alphabet soup...

I discovered I'm also dyslexic!

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

What's the difference between a toilet bowl and a soup bowl?

If you had to click to find out, I'm never having soup at your place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

There's one soup you have to like to get through a snow storm.

As long as you love Miso. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

What's the difference between mincemeat and pea soup?

You can mince meat.

what brand soup makes you snore when you sleep?

Its knorr

What do you call a blonde lawyer eating soup with a fork?

Reese Withoutherspoon

I had vegan soup

it was soup herb

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scotsman are all eating soup at a restaurant

The Irishman notices a fly in his soup. He scoops out the fly, shrugs, and goes on eating without giving it a second thought.

The Englishman notices a fly in his soup. He turns up his nose disgustedly, and signals for the waiter to come take the soup away.

The Scotsman notices a fly in...

One day I was making vegetable soup

But unfortunately the wheelchair didn't fit

A man yells to his waiter: “There’s a pubic hair in my soup!”

Waiter: “No reason to be so upset, it is just a hair”
Man: “I understand, it’s just a little hair, but i prefer things with right timing!”
Waiter: ”And how’s that?”
Man: ”Let’s say you go down on your wife, would you be ok finding a spaghetti?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*Cannibals preparing a soup*

Two missionaries were sitting in a large pot of water as several cannibals built a fire under the pot.

Other cannibals were busy slicing potatoes, carrots and other vegetables an adding them into the pot with the two missionaries.

The water started getting hotter and hotter the missi...

What do you say to the soup that asks if you can take it out of the pantry.

“Sure, Can”

I was eating soup one day outside my favorite restaurant and it started raining..

Took me hours to finish my meal.

There is this Vietnamese restaurant near my place that serves really good soup

It's really popular though, so one time I had to wait a whole hour just to go in, and by the time it was my turn, they ran out of soup. It was a really huge pho-queue.

A guy goes into a restaurant for lunch.

After careful consideration, he decides he will have a bowl of the day's soup. The waiter praises him for his decision.

"Ah, excellent choice. The chef makes the soup fresh each day from only the freshest, locally-sourced ingredients. It is completely organic, and there are no additives or pr...

I love potato leek soup

So I'm gathering my ingredients and as I approach the leafy items in produce there are two blue hairs gabbing right in front of the leeks.

I pause politely while wide balling the ladies with gaping eyes.

"Uh, pardon me ladies but I must take a leek."

A man orders a tomato soup at a restaurant..

As soon as waiter brings the soup he started yelling at waiter and ask him to taste the soup.

Waiter "sorry sir we're not allowed to do that. I will bring you another one."

He still kept yelling at him and asked him to taste the soup.

Waiter was nervous by now so he told the ma...

Why do East Africans never finish their alphabet soup?

Because they only eat e o p a

I made a concoction with half part laxatives and 4 parts alphabet soup...

I call it Letter Rip.

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

My dad used to make homemade chicken soup that he'd call 'Chicken Napolean'

...because he made it from the 'bony parts'.

Why does a space rock make the best rock soup?

# Because its a little meteor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of soup do men have after sex?

Split pee

My local soup kitchen is looking for volunteers for their next Pasta Dinner..

I'll check my colander and set aside some thyme for it.

A man calls over a waiter during his meal 'There is a fly swimming in my soup!'

'Look on the bright side Sir' replied the waiter 'If the portions weren't so generous he'd be wading'

I spelled "I take back what I said" in a bowl of alphabet soup

I ate those words

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Soup or sex

For his birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. When he answers the door she’s standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, “I’m here to give you super sex.”

After thinking for a minute the old man replies, “I guess I’ll have the soup.”

A guy goes to a restaurant and orders soup,

Guy: "waiter what is this fly doing in my soup?"
*waiter looks at soup*: "it appears to be drowning sir "

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul.

Even if it’s cold. Over ice. With a celery stalk. And vodka

What kind of soup is hard to read?

Dyslexabet soup.

I had to wait in line for a bowl of Vietnamese soup

That’s it, no joke. Don’t like it? Pho queue.

Irish bean soup

(Read in an Irish accent for effect)

An Irish mam and her wee lad were sitting in the kitchen as she taught him to make her famous Irish bean soup.

"Now son," she explained, "what really makes a bean soup is how many beans you use. More is better, but you must remember: never, NEVER p...

Have you ever heard of Clinton Soup?

It consists of a weenie in hot water

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superpu$$y!!!

There's a crazy old lady in a nursing home. She goes up to the receptionist and tears open her robe, revealing her naked body. She yells, "SUPERPUSSY!" at the top of her lungs and walks away.


Next the old lady goes into the rec room where other residents are basket-weaving, watching TV ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A waitress, on her last day, decides to walk to each of her tables and lift up her skirt to proudly proclaim,

"Super Pussy!". She continues to do this over and over to the horror of her customers, until she reaches a table which sat an elderly man. She approaches him and lifts up her skirt and, again, proclaims, "Super Pussy!" and awaits his reaction. The old man looks at her, then her pussy, then back at h...

My work offered to fund my retirement account in soup exclusively...

...I'm the first person to have a Broth IRA.

What do cannibals put in their soup?

Ramen!

--------

Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.

What's worse than finding a fly in you soup?

Getting hit by a bus

I was chopping up some leftover dumplings from my soup at a Chinese restaurant when suddenly it hit me...

I was engaging in acts of wonton destruction.

How to Order Soup

A man sits down at a restaurant and looks at the menu. He tells the waiter, "I think I will have the turtle soup."
The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to pea soup. He yells to the waiter, "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"

How do you make a potato leek soup?

Fill a potato with soup, then poke a hole in it.

What's a soup spoon's favorite sport?

Bowling.

My wife keeps telling me that soup is better with flavour cubes.

I don’t put too much stock in that.

What is wrong with the soup?

A man is sitting at his table in the hotel dining room with a bowl of soup in-front of him. He calls the waiter over and asks him to taste the soup.
The waiter said; 'Is it something wrong with the soup?'
The man said; 'Just taste the soup!'
The waiter said; ' You haven't even touched the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I drank some primordial soup

Now I have butterflies in my stomach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a restaurant where they let you stick your dick in the soup?

A broth-el

Went to dinner last night at a restaurant, and there was a fly in my soup.

I wouldn't have normally minded, but the zipper broke my tooth.

A bird walks into a restaurant, order and gets a bowl of soup.

After a minute, the bird angrily calls the waiter :

\- Waiter! There is no fly in my soup!

Famished and in the mood to try a new restaurant, a man goes to a new French restaueanr and orders the soup.

After a few mins, the waiter arrives with the man's soup, and places it in front of him. The man notices that the waiter's thumb was in his soup, but was too hungry to say anything. The man arte the soup, and returned with friends the following night.
Having enjoyed the soup so much, the man orde...

What’s a canibal’s favourite soup?

Vegetable soup

Thumb in the soup at the restaurant

A man goes to a restaurant with his wife. They look at the menu and order some starters and two soups. After placing their orders they start to notice something strange: there is only one waiter and he puts his thumb in the soups of the other customers when he carries them to the tables. The man and...

What do the police do if you steal soup?

They arrestew.

Old German joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken befor...

What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup?

A handful of crackers.

What’s 2000lbs of Chinese soup called?

Won-ton soup!

Waiter waiter there’s a fly in my soup!

Waiter: “Don’t worry Sir, the spider in your salad will get it.”.

A man orders soup at a restaurant.

The waiter brings the soup, the man doesn't eat, he asks the waiter to taste:
-Is there anything wrong sir?
-No just taste it.
-I can change it for you
-I want you to taste it!
-But..
-Do it!
-Ok, where's the spoon?
-Exactly, go bring me a spoon!

"Waiter, why do I have a hearing aid in my soup?"

“Excuse me, what?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was volunteering at a soup kitchen buttering the rolls, but they threw me out for having a dry cough

I’m a bit confused why they asked me to leave - they said I was a super spreader?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup ...

And shit out a statement smarter than the one you just made.

What is an Asian Canadian's preferred soup?

Miso Sorry

What is the most acidic soup?

Ph0

I'm starting a protest against the evil capitalist structure promoted by Vietnamese soup salesmen.

We are Anti-Pho

A man at a restaurant ordered a soup

The waitress brings it out and the man just sat there, not even having the soup he ordered. The waitress notices him not eating and a few minutes later she approaches him and asked "Is everything alright with the food?" And he just replied "try it" and she refused saying "sir it's against company po...

Two guys always order the noodle soup at “Kyoto soup restaurant”

Two guys always order the noodle soup at “Kyoto soup restaurant”. Every time they order the soup the same person always serves them.
“Hey ching chong hurry up will you” the first man always says. ...

Just had donkey soup

Taste like ass

The best soup stock is made by boiling chicken feet for hours and hours

After all, it's made from scratch.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a bowl of tomato soup

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of soup is still full. He asks, "Are you going to have that soup?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl over and he...

I invested in a soup manufacturer. I asked them what the stock options were.

They said chicken or vegetable

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Patient just told me this joke and i can't stop laughing

George was turning 90 this week and his friends thought of doing something special for him. So they planned to contact a high class Escort service and send him a nice surprise.



On his birthday, around 9 pm, when he was alone at home, the doorbell rang. George thought - who could it b...

A man is eating at a restaurant, when he notices there's a spider in his soup. He calls over the waiter and complains.

"I'm deeply sorry, sir" the waiter replies "but the fly asked to take the day off".

Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended.

It could spell disaster.

Chicken soup is healthy for you.

As long as you’re not the chicken.

Guy at a restaurant orders a soup

Some random guy orders a soup in the restaurant and the waiter brings him the soup. Right after the waiter leaves the table the guy calls him back and says "Try the soup" the waiter asks "What's the matter, is it too salty?" guy says "Go ahead and taste it" and the waiter asks "Is it too spicy?" and...

Tonight, I’m making soup from a Himalayan opossum.

I found Himalayan in the road.

A man orders soup at the restaraunt, but as soon as it arrives, it becomes apparent something is very wrong with his meal.

He flags down his waiter.

"Excuse me waiter, could you please taste my soup?"

The waiter gives the man a strange look.

"Is something wrong with your soup, sir?"

The man shakes his head,

"Please taste the soup, waiter."

The waiter gets flustered, he told the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A elderly couple want to spice up their second life

They decide that the woman will take control for that evening.

She pushes the man to the bed and tells him to wait there while she gets changed in the bathroom.

She comes out a few minutes later wearing nothing but a cape, she stands there and yells SUPER VAGINA

The man replies ...

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