My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

How do you make gold soup?

Add 24 carrots

I bought a warehouse full of soup stock

Now I'm a bouillonaire

Being a man is like being a bowl of soup.

You only get blown if you're hot.

I ordered 2000 pounds of Chinese soup

It was won ton.

What's the difference between a toilet bowl and a soup bowl?

If you had to click to find out, I'm never having soup at your place.

What should you do if your soup is too hot?

Add a chilly pepper.

I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Then I had probably the biggest vowel movement ever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

What are these pennies doing in my soup?” the restaurant patron demanded, motioning for the waiter to come over to his table. The waiter walked over and whispered...

“You said you would stop eating here if there wasn’t some change in the food.”

Alphabet Soup?

More like Times New Ramen, amirite?



(Not OC, but one of my favorite one-liners and haven’t seen it posted in this sub)

Tonight, I’m making soup from a Himalayan opossum.

I found Himalayan in the road.

I was gonna tell a joke about soup kitchens...

...but it was in poor taste.

I was at a restaurant, and spilled soup on my jeans.

I called for there server: "Waitress, there's soup in my fly"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A waitress, on her last day, decides to walk to each of her tables and lift up her skirt to proudly proclaim,

"Super Pussy!". She continues to do this over and over to the horror of her customers, until she reaches a table which sat an elderly man. She approaches him and lifts up her skirt and, again, proclaims, "Super Pussy!" and awaits his reaction. The old man looks at her, then her pussy, then back at h...

I don’t eat alphabet soup

Because I won’t risk taking an L

Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup?

Because one more bean would be too farty.

I called in an order of wonton soup, but I guess they misunderstood me.

On an unrelated note, I'm opening a soup kitchen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guest dining in a classy restaurant drops his spoon before finishing his soup. (Nsfw)

Before he could reach down to pick it up, a server was already standing next to him holding a replacement.
"Wow! That was tremendously fast. The service here is impeccable. How did you do that?."
"Well, all of the servers here have an extra piece of cutlery on their tray at all times just...

A man walks into a restaurant and orders a soup.

Shortly after he gets it he calls the waiter

Waiter: Yes Sir, how can I help you?

Man: Can you please taste the soup?

Waiter: Why? What's wrong with it?

Man: Please taste the soup!

Waiter: I can replace it if there's anything wrong with it!

Man: Taste the so...

Q: You know how to eat soup with chopsticks?

A: put them down and pick up the bowl.

A man orders soup at the restaraunt, but as soon as it arrives, it becomes apparent something is very wrong with his meal.

He flags down his waiter.

"Excuse me waiter, could you please taste my soup?"

The waiter gives the man a strange look.

"Is something wrong with your soup, sir?"

The man shakes his head,

"Please taste the soup, waiter."

The waiter gets flustered, he told the ...

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup

A chef made my soup in a rush and I asked "Why didn't you add any herbs and spices?"

He said "Sorry, I didn't have the thyme".

A man orders soup at a restaurant.

The waiter brings the soup, the man doesn't eat, he asks the waiter to taste:
-Is there anything wrong sir?
-No just taste it.
-I can change it for you
-I want you to taste it!
-But..
-Do it!
-Ok, where's the spoon?
-Exactly, go bring me a spoon!

Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!

Well, that's the last time we get the tailor to cook the food.

How do you make a soup using 1s and 0s?

Beef Boolean.

The banquet manager was walking by holding a hot bowl of soup...

She said "hot stuff coming through"

I responded "oh? What are you carrying then?"

I've combined alphabet soup and a laxative.

I call it "letter rip"

I went to a Vietnamese food truck at lunch to order my favourite soup...

But there was a huge line and I was in a rush. It was kind of a pho queue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was Hitler's favorite soup?

Gazpacho

A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.

A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, ‘Let’s smash it open with a rock.’ The physicist says, ‘Let’s heat it up and blow it open.’ The economist says, ‘No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let’s just assume we have a can opener.’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Soup or sex?

For his birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. When he answers the door she’s standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, “I’m here to give you super sex.”

After thinking for a minute the old man replies, “I guess I’ll have the soup.”

My cousin's allergic to shellfish, and I laughed as I told him I put shrimp in his soup.

You should've seen his reaction....

What do you call alphabet soup with only I, V, X, L, C, D, and M?

Ramen Numerals!

Why did she spit out the turkey soup?

She said it had a fowl taste.

Miso soup

Is the only soup that brags about being soup.

What do ducks like to eat with their soup?

........Quackers

What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anybody can mash potatoes...

The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.

I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.

A Korean boy, who is the head chef of a local soup restaurant, is arrested for accusingly spitting in every bowl of soup that’s made and poisoning all of the customers. The other chefs knew about it and didn’t say anything at first, but eventually couldn’t hide it any longer and told the cops.

He is punished to serious, hard work for a month, but he is always upbeat no matter what. So one day the cops decide to see if any one of them can make the boy unhappy. One decides to put the boy’s shoes in a block of cement. The boy doesn’t care, and he just does his work with no shoes. Another dec...

Have you ever had Oasis soup?

You get a roll with it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife go on a date to a new restaurant...

They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day. When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor. "Whoops" he says and turns to the waiter "I'm terribly sorry but could I have another..." the waiter whips a fresh spoon out of his top ...

One little boy has never said a word

At first his parents were concerned, but no doctor could find any problem.

One day at launch boy says:
"There is too much salt in my soup"
His parents are shocked:
"You can speak?! Why didn't you ever said anythink?"


"Because up until now everything was ok"

A Vietnamese restaurant is offering herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup.

Thyme fries when you’re having pho.

Where does soup go when it's feeling a bit strained?

A brothel.

A man went to a restaurant and ordered a soup

When he got his soup, he noticed something very odd, so he called the waiter over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?" The waiter asked

"Something is odd with my soup, would you mind tasting it please?"

So the waiter looked over the table and back at the man

"There isn't...

What's Jar Jar Binks' favorite soup?

Miso soup

I made a vegetable soup.

Sadly he dropped it all over his wheelchair.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a bowl of tomato soup

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of soup is still full. He asks, "Are you going to have that soup?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl over and he...

Why don’t Astronomers like vegetable soup?

They prefer a meteor soup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old men, Peter and Mike, are sitting in their room at the Senior Home....

When all of the sudden an elderly woman kicks open the door, opens her robe and yells SUPER PUSSY! Mike turns to Peter and says "what did she say?" Peter says "she said Super Pussy" Mike looks back at the lady gives her a quick once over with his eyes, looks back over to Peter and says "Tell her I'l...

The world's greatest blues musician and the world's greatest jazz musician are having dinner together. Who pays the tip?

Nobody. They don't charge at the soup kitchen.

‪Why is Chinese soup the heaviest kind of soup?

Because it’s won-ton

A man lines up for food in Soviet Russia...

After two hours of waiting he gets his turn and offers his bowl.

“Out of soup.” says the officer in charge and waves him aside.

The man refuses to leave. He tosses the bowl on the table and curses the regime for failing his starving family.

The officer motions to the guards an...

An old Jewish man walks into a restaurant

He orders some soup. The waiter quickly brings his soup but the old man doesn’t eat. The waiter returns after some minutes. “Excuse me sir. Is there something wrong with your soup?”
“Try it and find out.” The old man responded.
“Is the soup too cold?”
“Try it.”
“I-is it too hot?”
“Jus...

Why did the "Chicken Soup Waterfall" attraction fail?

Its stock was plummeting.

Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended.

It could spell disaster.

How do you make a humorous soup?

You use laughingstock.

Stopped in a diner for lunch and on the menu, it said, "Golden Soup", so I asked the waitress why it was called that...

She replied, "Because there are 24 carrots in it."

Guy at a restaurant orders a soup

Some random guy orders a soup in the restaurant and the waiter brings him the soup. Right after the waiter leaves the table the guy calls him back and says "Try the soup" the waiter asks "What's the matter, is it too salty?" guy says "Go ahead and taste it" and the waiter asks "Is it too spicy?" and...

My roommate said that I couldn’t get him alphabet soup by dinner time

He’s eating his words right now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For an old man's 98th birthday,

his 3 grandsons paid for a hooker and sent her to his home. When the old fella opened the door he asked what a pretty girl like her was doing at his home. She replied "I was sent here as a gift to you" The old man asked "What is it that you do?" Hooker says "Im well known for my super blowjobs" Gra...

I should have been more attentive; my pot has unexpectedly boiled over

Honestly. It was a little soup rising.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is a great cook, but yesterday, she made some soup from scratch, which was a pity...

Because I loved that fucking dog...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman checking out at the register of the grocery store puts bacon, milk, frozen peas, butter, and a can of soup on the conveyor belt. The man behind her in line see all this and says: “You must be single.” “Why, yes, I am, how did you know?” she asks.

“Cause you’re the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” he says.

I've been considering opening a soup restaurant. I'd serve the finest soups from around the world using only the most illegally-sourced ingredients. I'll call it...

Bisquey Business

Heard of the Fibonacci soup?

Apparently , the ingredients are :
Yesterday's soup and day before yesterday's soup.
Price : $1.61

Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup!

Calm down sir, it's the near future and insects are our only sustainable protein source.

(cautionary joke)

Get your bowl ready for some Soup

Because this acrobat is about to do the splits and he has a very weak bladder

What kind of soup do computers eat?

RAMen.

My Mom Tried To Force Feed Me Alphabet Soup, Saying “I Loved It”

I Hate It When People Put Words In My Mouth

What's worse than finding a fly in you soup?

Getting hit by a bus

I was eating soup one day outside my favorite restaurant and it started raining..

Took me hours to finish my meal.

What do you call an Australian that liked soup

(Likes soup)

A more-supial.
.
.
.
I’ll leave now

What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup?

A handful of crackers.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen....

.....Ungrateful bleeders, all I said was,
'Hurry up, for Pete's sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

Man is eating a soup in a restaurant.

He has to go to the toilet so he leaves a note : " I've spit in it".

After he comes back, there's another note : "Me too".

I went to a Vietnamese soup shop and ordered their top-selling soup.

Me: Is this soup acidic?

Waitress: Yes, because it's pH0.

A famous restaurant critic is eating soup at a fancy restaurant.

This critic was well-known in the industry for his arrogance and rudeness, as well as his overall sloppiness. So it came as no surprise when mid-course he dropped his spoon on the floor, and angrily gestured to get a waiter's attention. When a waiter approached, the critic noticed a spoon tucked in ...

A turtle walks into a restaurant and orders a soup.

"Sorry," says the waiter, "we don't serve a turtle soup here."

Basil works so well in soup!

It's sup'erb

A Frenchman, an Italian and a Jewish man die and go to heaven....

An angel ushers the Frenchman into a room filled with every French delicacy imaginable and instructs him - you can eat whatever you want, but if you eat anything from this table, at 5:00 a boiling pot of French onion soup will be wheeled in and you're going in it.

The Frenchman thinks for a ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.