You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....

Times new ramen!

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A mother serves a creamy yellow soup to her son and his girlfriend at the dinner tablr

Everyone begins consuming it immediately. The girlfriend, an aspiring theater actress, says to her boyfriend’s mother, “This soup is absolutely delicious! What’s the secret ingredient?”

“Piss,” replied his mother.

Everyone promptly spits out their soup.

“Excuse me?” asks his ...

where does the underpaid soup canner get extra money?

the brothel.

My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

Fun fact! Irish soups only use 239 beans

If they used one more, it would be two-fahrty...

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup.

Anyone can roast beef, but it’s not easy to pea soup.

There's a fly in my soup !

Man on holiday in Paris goes to a restaurant and orders his dinner. When the soup arrives he finds a fly in the soup.
He calls the waiter over, and mustering his best French says:
Garcon, voici le mouche !
The waiter looks at the soup for a moment and then replies (in his best En...

A man at a restaurant ordered a soup

The waitress brings it out and the man just sat there, not even having the soup he ordered. The waitress notices him not eating and a few minutes later she approaches him and asked "Is everything alright with the food?" And he just replied "try it" and she refused saying "sir it's against company po...

I got fired from Campbell's Soup today

Found me stroganoff in the back room.

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their Irish bean soup?

Because one more and it would be too farty...

Why was the soup from the Chinese restaurant so heavy?

It was ONE TON soup!

Being a man is like being a bowl of soup.

You only get blown if you're hot.

Why should you always serve a Southern Carolina football man soup in a plate?

Cause if you give him a bowl, he'll throw it away.

I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup yesterday

I had the biggest vowel movement of my life this morning.

My wife said the soup I made was too thick

But I didn’t put much stock in it

what do u call a strong soup?

s0uperior

I shouldn't have eaten all that alphabet soup.

Now I'm going to have a massive vowel movement.

What's the difference between ramen soup and an Oscar-bait movie?

You watch one for three minutes, stirring occasionally. You watch the other for three hours and it's occasionally stirring.

Would you like the soup or salad?

Oh, that sounds much too big for me. I’ll just have the regular-sized salad, thank you!

If life is soup

Then I am fork

What’s a canibal’s favourite soup?

Vegetable soup

Tonight I'm going to have possum soup made from Himalayan possum...

... because I found Himalayan on the road.

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

I bought a warehouse full of soup stock

Now I'm a bouillonaire

How do you make gold soup?

Add 24 carrots

Just had donkey soup

Taste like ass

How does a neckbeard serve the soup?

With M'ladle

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The Waiter and the Spoon

A married couple decides to brave Covid and eat out for their anniversary at a fancy restaurant. They’ve been ordering Grubhub for months and are excited to support a local business in person. They order soup, but as it arrives, the man accidentally knock his spoon onto the floor with his elbow. To ...

I wanted to tell a joke about soup kitchens.

But it was in poor taste.

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I was in the supermarket the other day and there was a girl in front of me at the checkout, she had one apple, one pear, one toothbrush, one cup o noodle, and one can of soup.

I leaned over and said, "You're single arent you.."

She says, "Yes, but how did you know?"

I said, "Because you're ugly as fuck!"

I recently saw on the news they caught the man who robbed a Campbell’s soup truck...

I hope they they lock him up for mmmmm...good

My family and I got takeout and we got wonton soup but we needed one more

so now we have twoton soup.

How did Miso soup get its name?

Miso hungry....

What do you call a possum that goes back for seconds on soup

A more-soupial

What should you do if your soup is too hot?

Add a chilly pepper.

The waiter had a spoon in his pocket

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw t...

What's the difference between a toilet bowl and a soup bowl?

If you had to click to find out, I'm never having soup at your place.

A man walks into a restaurant and orders a soup.

Shortly after he gets it he calls the waiter

Waiter: Yes Sir, how can I help you?

Man: Can you please taste the soup?

Waiter: Why? What's wrong with it?

Man: Please taste the soup!

Waiter: I can replace it if there's anything wrong with it!

Man: Taste the so...

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The spoon in a waiter's pocket catches the customer's attention

The customer asks "Why do you have a spoon in your pocket?" To which the waiter replies "It's part of a new program to save time the restaurant is doing. If I drop a soup spoon, I can quickly replace it with the spoon in my pocket, and then switch the dirty one out next time I'm in the kitchen." The...

A man orders soup at a restaurant.

The waiter brings the soup, the man doesn't eat, he asks the waiter to taste:
-Is there anything wrong sir?
-No just taste it.
-I can change it for you
-I want you to taste it!
-But..
-Do it!
-Ok, where's the spoon?
-Exactly, go bring me a spoon!

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A guest dining in a classy restaurant drops his spoon before finishing his soup. (Nsfw)

Before he could reach down to pick it up, a server was already standing next to him holding a replacement.
"Wow! That was tremendously fast. The service here is impeccable. How did you do that?."
"Well, all of the servers here have an extra piece of cutlery on their tray at all times just...

What’s the heaviest food in the world?

Wonton soup

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Supersex

A little old lady was running up and down the halls
in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her
nightgown and say, "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a
wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat
silently for a moment or two a...

How can you tell the difference between a can of soup and a can of baked beans?

Read the label.

Put a spoon under your pillow, cancel school for a day.

Put a bat in your soup, cancel school for a year!

I called in an order of wonton soup, but I guess they misunderstood me.

On an unrelated note, I'm opening a soup kitchen.

A man orders soup at the restaraunt, but as soon as it arrives, it becomes apparent something is very wrong with his meal.

He flags down his waiter.

"Excuse me waiter, could you please taste my soup?"

The waiter gives the man a strange look.

"Is something wrong with your soup, sir?"

The man shakes his head,

"Please taste the soup, waiter."

The waiter gets flustered, he told the ...

Alphabet Soup?

More like Times New Ramen, amirite?



(Not OC, but one of my favorite one-liners and haven’t seen it posted in this sub)

I went to a Vietnamese food truck at lunch to order my favourite soup...

But there was a huge line and I was in a rush. It was kind of a pho queue.

I've combined alphabet soup and a laxative.

I call it "letter rip"

Q: You know how to eat soup with chopsticks?

A: put them down and pick up the bowl.

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My favorite Jewish joke

An old Jewish man walks into a restaurant with a craving for borscht.

He sits down at his table, motions the waiter and orders a big bowl of borscht. Not long after that, a steaming bowl is placed in front him. But as the waiter is walking away, the old jew quickly calls him back to his tabl...

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A waitress, on her last day, decides to walk to each of her tables and lift up her skirt to proudly proclaim,

"Super Pussy!". She continues to do this over and over to the horror of her customers, until she reaches a table which sat an elderly man. She approaches him and lifts up her skirt and, again, proclaims, "Super Pussy!" and awaits his reaction. The old man looks at her, then her pussy, then back at h...

A chef made my soup in a rush and I asked "Why didn't you add any herbs and spices?"

He said "Sorry, I didn't have the thyme".

I don’t eat alphabet soup

Because I won’t risk taking an L

Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!

Well, that's the last time we get the tailor to cook the food.

The banquet manager was walking by holding a hot bowl of soup...

She said "hot stuff coming through"

I responded "oh? What are you carrying then?"

So the waiter asked me what I would like as a side dish...

I told her to recommend me a side dish as I had never been to the restaurant before.

She told me they had curried rice, potato wedges or a supersalad.

I told her I'd like the supersalad. She gave me a strange look and asked me the same question again.

I tell her yes, that I woul...

“You like soup?”

“Yea, especially thick heavy soups. ”
“oh what’s your favorite heavy soup?”
“wonton soup”



Edit. Thanks to the 6 people that found this terrible joke upvote worthy.

What do you call alphabet soup with only I, V, X, L, C, D, and M?

Ramen Numerals!

My cousin's allergic to shellfish, and I laughed as I told him I put shrimp in his soup.

You should've seen his reaction....

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"

"That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

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Two old men are walking in the garden of their retirement home...

All the sudden, some old woman jumps out of the bushes right in front of them, swings her bathrobe wide open and exposing her naked body beneath shouts "SUPERPUSSY!!!"

One man turns to the other, taps his hearing aid and says loudly:
"WHAT DID SHE SAY, LARRY?"

"She said SUPERPUSSY, ...

Gordon Ramsay goes to a restaurant.

He comes across what looks like soup.

“Let me taste the soup!”

“But...”

“No buts!”

He tasted the soup.

“IT TASTES LIKE DISHWASHER WATER!”

“It is dishwasher water, but you didn’t listen.”

What do you call a group of disabled people in a hot tub?

Vegetable soup.

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What was Hitler's favorite soup?

Gazpacho

I was at a restaurant, and spilled soup on my jeans.

I called for there server: "Waitress, there's soup in my fly"

Restaurant

WAITER: are you ready to order?

DAD: I'll have the rabbit stew

WAITER: only if you promise not to say "waiter there's a hare in my soup" after I bring it

DAD:

WAITER:

DAD: I'll have the chicken

Have you ever had Oasis soup?

You get a roll with it.

The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.

I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.

How do you make a soup using 1s and 0s?

Beef Boolean.

The worst thing about the pandemic...

...is that I can’t find an unbiased review of bat soup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Soup or sex?

For his birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. When he answers the door she’s standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, “I’m here to give you super sex.”

After thinking for a minute the old man replies, “I guess I’ll have the soup.”

Hard to swallow

My friend says to me "I'm sick but I'm having a tough time keeping my medicine in me".
"Why don't you try taking it with food like soup or a banana?" I suggest.
A few days later I see him and he's looking a lot better.
"I tried taking my meds with a banana like you said and it worked!...

A man goes to a restaurant

He orders the soup.

The waiter brings him the soup.

After a few min he flagges the waiter down.

"Is there something wrong sir?"

"I can't eat this soup"

"let me get the manager"

The manager comes over

"What is wrong sir?"

"I can't eat this soup"...

What’s 2000lbs of Chinese soup called?

Won-ton soup!

What do ducks like to eat with their soup?

........Quackers

A Korean boy, who is the head chef of a local soup restaurant, is arrested for accusingly spitting in every bowl of soup that’s made and poisoning all of the customers. The other chefs knew about it and didn’t say anything at first, but eventually couldn’t hide it any longer and told the cops.

He is punished to serious, hard work for a month, but he is always upbeat no matter what. So one day the cops decide to see if any one of them can make the boy unhappy. One decides to put the boy’s shoes in a block of cement. The boy doesn’t care, and he just does his work with no shoes. Another dec...

A man went to a restaurant and ordered a soup

When he got his soup, he noticed something very odd, so he called the waiter over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?" The waiter asked

"Something is odd with my soup, would you mind tasting it please?"

So the waiter looked over the table and back at the man

"There isn't...

Where does soup go when it's feeling a bit strained?

A brothel.

A Vietnamese restaurant is offering herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup.

Thyme fries when you’re having pho.

Why did she spit out the turkey soup?

She said it had a fowl taste.

My roommate said that I couldn’t get him alphabet soup by dinner time

He’s eating his words right now.

What's Jar Jar Binks' favorite soup?

Miso soup

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a bowl of tomato soup

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of soup is still full. He asks, "Are you going to have that soup?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl over and he...

I made a vegetable soup.

Sadly he dropped it all over his wheelchair.

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A woman checking out at the register of the grocery store puts bacon, milk, frozen peas, butter, and a can of soup on the conveyor belt. The man behind her in line see all this and says: “You must be single.” “Why, yes, I am, how did you know?” she asks.

“Cause you’re the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” he says.

Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended.

It could spell disaster.

A little girl crying goes to see her dad

- Daddy ! Everyone one at school is making fun of me because of my big mouth !
Her dad: Don’t worry, it’s nothing ! Now take your shovel and eat your soup !

Some people dislike parsley in their liquid dishes

but I think it's soup herb.

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Grandpa was down on his luck so his grandsons (in their mid-20's by now) Wanted to do something to cheer him up.

The youngest of the 3 said he knew of a brothel that would be perfect and every Monday they have a thing they call "Super Sex" and not getting into to much detail but it would knock the socks off the old coot. So the youngest drops Grandpa off and tells him to go to the door and drives away. She an...

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