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Soup Jokes

I ate four cans of alphabet soup

I later took the biggest vowel movement ever

You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....

Times new ramen!

I bought a warehouse full of soup stock

Now I'm a bouillonaire

Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup?

One more would have made it two farty.

What do you get when you mix alphabet soup and laxatives?

Letter rip!

"Waiter, my soup is cold!" "It's gazpacho"

"Gazpacho, my soup is cold!"

Two cannibals were eating and the first one says: Your sister makes a delicious soup. The second one says:

True, but now I miss her

"When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat..."

the vowels."

Friend: "Why?"

Me: "Sometimes."

Elon Musk has announced a new recipe for chicken soup

First you boil the chicken in water and then you dump the stock.

I can't lift a ton of chicken soup but I can lift a ton of pho.

Because a pho ton is light.

I complained to my waiter that my alphabet soup had no letters between 'T' and 'V'

They said "That sounds like a 'U' problem"

Fog as thick as pea soup.

There was a dense summer fog and the officer on the bridge was becoming more and more exasperated.

As he leaned over the side of the bridge trying to pierce the gloom, he sees a hazy figure leaning on a rail a few yards from his ship.

He almost choked.

"What do you think you're ...

I asked him to heat up the Vietnamese soup...

and he immediately left the house and came back 20 minutes later with a Fajita!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman asks her husband if he wants 'Super Sex'...

He replies "I'll have the soup."

There's one soup you have to like to get through a snow storm.

As long as you love Miso. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

One day I was making vegetable soup

But unfortunately the wheelchair didn't fit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*Cannibals preparing a soup*

Two missionaries were sitting in a large pot of water as several cannibals built a fire under the pot.

Other cannibals were busy slicing potatoes, carrots and other vegetables an adding them into the pot with the two missionaries.

The water started getting hotter and hotter the missi...

I ate some alphabet soup and some laxatives for lunch

I'm about to have a vowel movement

what brand soup makes you snore when you sleep?

Its knorr

The Florida man accused of stealing a truck full of $75,000 with of Campbell's soup is finally going to trial...

I, for one, hope they lock him up for M'm! M'm! Good!!!

What's the difference between mincemeat and pea soup?

You can mince meat.

“Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”

“Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

I went to a Vietnamese restaurant...

Went to a Vietnamese restaurant tonight and there was dogs foot in my soup. The waiter said it was a pho paw.

What is the heaviest soup?

Won Ton soup.

Its bad enough I'm bulimic, but today, after vomiting up my alphabet soup...

I discovered I'm also dyslexic!

Being a man is like being a bowl of soup.

You only get blown if you're hot.

A man yells to his waiter: “There’s a pubic hair in my soup!”

Waiter: “No reason to be so upset, it is just a hair”
Man: “I understand, it’s just a little hair, but i prefer things with right timing!”
Waiter: ”And how’s that?”
Man: ”Let’s say you go down on your wife, would you be ok finding a spaghetti?”

Where can you buy soup in bulk?

The stock market.

the joke is originally in persian but i think it works in english too

kid:"hey mom are you adding carrots to that soup?"

mom:"yeah, i know you dont like carrots but dont worry, you wont taste the carrot at all"

kid:"then why do you add carrots?"

mom:"because it makes it tastier"

I had vegan soup

it was soup herb

What do you say to the soup that asks if you can take it out of the pantry.

“Sure, Can”

A man goes into a restaurant.

He sits down, he's havin' a bowl of soup. He says to the waiter, 'Waiter, come taste the soup.'

Waiter says, 'Is there something wrong with the soup?'

He says, 'Taste the soup.'

Waiter says, 'Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?'

The man says, 'W...

Mrs. Goldberg and Mrs. Ginsburg used to be great friends, but eventually they drifted apart

Years later, they bump into each other in the supermarket.

Mrs. Ginsburg says “It’s so great to see you! Tell me, how is Mr. Goldberg?”

Mrs. Goldberg replies “Well you won’t believe what I have to tell you! A few days ago I was making a pot of soup, and it was delicious but I thought ...

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scotsman are all eating soup at a restaurant

The Irishman notices a fly in his soup. He scoops out the fly, shrugs, and goes on eating without giving it a second thought.

The Englishman notices a fly in his soup. He turns up his nose disgustedly, and signals for the waiter to come take the soup away.

The Scotsman notices a fly in...

Why do East Africans never finish their alphabet soup?

Because they only eat e o p a

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What did Jar Jar Binks say when he was asked what he was dressed as at the Japanese food convention?

Meeso soup

I love potato leek soup

So I'm gathering my ingredients and as I approach the leafy items in produce there are two blue hairs gabbing right in front of the leeks.

I pause politely while wide balling the ladies with gaping eyes.

"Uh, pardon me ladies but I must take a leek."

There is this Vietnamese restaurant near my place that serves really good soup

It's really popular though, so one time I had to wait a whole hour just to go in, and by the time it was my turn, they ran out of soup. It was a really huge pho-queue.

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
...

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Two missionaries sitting in a cannibal's cooking pot...

One says to the other "I don't know why you're looking so pleased with yourself, we're about to be eaten!"

Grinning, the other replies "I've just pissed in his soup.".

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There were three young men who got lost on a mountain hike in the night.

The snow was raging, and all three were freezing and starving, desperate for shelter and food.

Fortunately, they encountered a house in the woods. They knocked on the door, hoping to get a place to sleep for the night and something to eat.

An old, hideosly ugly woman opened the door. H...

A great tragedy befalls Russia

At a state dinner dozens of high ranking officials have died. After eating a mushroom cream soup generals started falling to the floor left and right.

The investigation is quick: the official cause is mushroom poisoning. Members of the press are invited to the scene of the tragedy.

"A...

Waiter, there's a neutron in my soup.

That'll be no extra charge sir.

I made a concoction with half part laxatives and 4 parts alphabet soup...

I call it Letter Rip.

My dad used to make homemade chicken soup that he'd call 'Chicken Napolean'

...because he made it from the 'bony parts'.

Steve's Place.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant called "Steve's Place", and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket; it seemed a little strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket...

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Superpu$$y!!!

There's a crazy old lady in a nursing home. She goes up to the receptionist and tears open her robe, revealing her naked body. She yells, "SUPERPUSSY!" at the top of her lungs and walks away.


Next the old lady goes into the rec room where other residents are basket-weaving, watching TV ...

A man calls over a waiter during his meal 'There is a fly swimming in my soup!'

'Look on the bright side Sir' replied the waiter 'If the portions weren't so generous he'd be wading'

Irish bean soup

(Read in an Irish accent for effect)

An Irish mam and her wee lad were sitting in the kitchen as she taught him to make her famous Irish bean soup.

"Now son," she explained, "what really makes a bean soup is how many beans you use. More is better, but you must remember: never, NEVER p...

Cold

A man woke up early and kissed his wife good morning and goodbye. He made a thermos of coffee and a thermos of hot soup as his car warmed up in the driveway. He packed his fishing gear and proceeded to drive out to the lake for some ice fishing.

As he drove down the road he realized ...

My local soup kitchen is looking for volunteers for their next Pasta Dinner..

I'll check my colander and set aside some thyme for it.

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Soup or sex

For his birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. When he answers the door she’s standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, “I’m here to give you super sex.”

After thinking for a minute the old man replies, “I guess I’ll have the soup.”

A guy goes to a restaurant and orders soup,

Guy: "waiter what is this fly doing in my soup?"
*waiter looks at soup*: "it appears to be drowning sir "

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul.

Even if it’s cold. Over ice. With a celery stalk. And vodka

What's the difference between a toilet bowl and a soup bowl?

If you had to click to find out, I'm never having soup at your place.

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

A man orders a tomato soup at a restaurant..

As soon as waiter brings the soup he started yelling at waiter and ask him to taste the soup.

Waiter "sorry sir we're not allowed to do that. I will bring you another one."

He still kept yelling at him and asked him to taste the soup.

Waiter was nervous by now so he told the ma...

Why does a space rock make the best rock soup?

# Because its a little meteor.

Have you ever heard of Clinton Soup?

It consists of a weenie in hot water

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

I spelled "I take back what I said" in a bowl of alphabet soup

I ate those words

How to Order Soup

A man sits down at a restaurant and looks at the menu. He tells the waiter, "I think I will have the turtle soup."
The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to pea soup. He yells to the waiter, "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"

How do you make a potato leek soup?

Fill a potato with soup, then poke a hole in it.

My work offered to fund my retirement account in soup exclusively...

...I'm the first person to have a Broth IRA.

I had to wait in line for a bowl of Vietnamese soup

That’s it, no joke. Don’t like it? Pho queue.

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.

It was Won Ton.

I was chopping up some leftover dumplings from my soup at a Chinese restaurant when suddenly it hit me...

I was engaging in acts of wonton destruction.

What's a soup spoon's favorite sport?

Bowling.

My wife keeps telling me that soup is better with flavour cubes.

I don’t put too much stock in that.

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I drank some primordial soup

Now I have butterflies in my stomach.

Three brothers eating soup

A mom has three sons and she's making them soup, While she's not looking a cupboard above the stove opens and a box of beebee's falls in the soup. She keeps cooking, serves them lunch and they go back outside to play. Ten minutes later the first boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee...

Famished and in the mood to try a new restaurant, a man goes to a new French restaueanr and orders the soup.

After a few mins, the waiter arrives with the man's soup, and places it in front of him. The man notices that the waiter's thumb was in his soup, but was too hungry to say anything. The man arte the soup, and returned with friends the following night.
Having enjoyed the soup so much, the man orde...

What do the police do if you steal soup?

They arrestew.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a restaurant where they let you stick your dick in the soup?

A broth-el

Went to dinner last night at a restaurant, and there was a fly in my soup.

I wouldn't have normally minded, but the zipper broke my tooth.

A bird walks into a restaurant, order and gets a bowl of soup.

After a minute, the bird angrily calls the waiter :

\- Waiter! There is no fly in my soup!

Thumb in the soup at the restaurant

A man goes to a restaurant with his wife. They look at the menu and order some starters and two soups. After placing their orders they start to notice something strange: there is only one waiter and he puts his thumb in the soups of the other customers when he carries them to the tables. The man and...

What’s a canibal’s favourite soup?

Vegetable soup

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup ...

And shit out a statement smarter than the one you just made.

"Waiter, why do I have a hearing aid in my soup?"

“Excuse me, what?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was volunteering at a soup kitchen buttering the rolls, but they threw me out for having a dry cough

I’m a bit confused why they asked me to leave - they said I was a super spreader?

Just had donkey soup

Taste like ass

I was eating soup one day outside my favorite restaurant and it started raining..

Took me hours to finish my meal.

What's worse than finding a fly in you soup?

Getting hit by a bus

Fun fact! Irish soups only use 239 beans

If they used one more, it would be two-fahrty...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Russian Banks and my ass have in common?

We're both having liquidity crises right now.

I'm feeling slightly sick, please send soup and crackers.

What’s 2000lbs of Chinese soup called?

Won-ton soup!

Waiter waiter there’s a fly in my soup!

Waiter: “Don’t worry Sir, the spider in your salad will get it.”.

Would you like the soup or salad?

Oh, that sounds much too big for me. I’ll just have the regular-sized salad, thank you!

A man at a restaurant ordered a soup

The waitress brings it out and the man just sat there, not even having the soup he ordered. The waitress notices him not eating and a few minutes later she approaches him and asked "Is everything alright with the food?" And he just replied "try it" and she refused saying "sir it's against company po...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A elderly couple want to spice up their second life

They decide that the woman will take control for that evening.

She pushes the man to the bed and tells him to wait there while she gets changed in the bathroom.

She comes out a few minutes later wearing nothing but a cape, she stands there and yells SUPER VAGINA

The man replies ...

What's the difference between someone that collects stamps and the tally that Prince Phillip keeps of all the gravy and soup related silverware?

One's a philatelist and the other's a Phil ladle list.

I'm starting a protest against the evil capitalist structure promoted by Vietnamese soup salesmen.

We are Anti-Pho

A man orders soup at a restaurant.

The waiter brings the soup, the man doesn't eat, he asks the waiter to taste:
-Is there anything wrong sir?
-No just taste it.
-I can change it for you
-I want you to taste it!
-But..
-Do it!
-Ok, where's the spoon?
-Exactly, go bring me a spoon!

Two guys always order the noodle soup at “Kyoto soup restaurant”

Two guys always order the noodle soup at “Kyoto soup restaurant”. Every time they order the soup the same person always serves them.
“Hey ching chong hurry up will you” the first man always says. ...

Tonight, I’m making soup from a Himalayan opossum.

I found Himalayan in the road.

A man orders soup at the restaraunt, but as soon as it arrives, it becomes apparent something is very wrong with his meal.

He flags down his waiter.

"Excuse me waiter, could you please taste my soup?"

The waiter gives the man a strange look.

"Is something wrong with your soup, sir?"

The man shakes his head,

"Please taste the soup, waiter."

The waiter gets flustered, he told the ...

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