I’m making a coat out of pancakes.

I call it my flapjacket.

Having children is a lot like making pancakes

The first one is always a bit weird, but you can always just eat it when no one is looking.

Why do jedi always burn their pancakes?

Because they wont turn over to the dark side.

How does a panda make his pancakes in the morning?

With a pan...duh

A pancake, a piece of toast, and a piece of bacon walk into a bar

They sit down and ask the bartender for a round of beers. The bartender looks at them and says "Get the hell out of my bar, we don't serve breakfast here."

Wife: We just ate, why are you making pancakes?

Me: They're for the dogs.

Wife: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Me: They don't know how.

pancakes

Psychiatrist: What brought you here?
Patient: My wife sent me here because I like pancakes.
Psychiatrist: There's nothing wrong with that, I like pancakes, too.
Patient: Excellent! Come to my place, I have seven suitcases full of them!

My dad always called me "Pancake"

He said it was "Because the first one is always a mistake."

Did you know Sean Connery used to save the egg shells from pancake day and paint them to use for egg hunts at Easter?

It was an egg shell lent idea

My wife makes my pancakes too thin.

Tomorrow morning I am telling her I am sick of her crepe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Tony Blair & a chef who keeps dropping his pancakes?

Nothing, they're both useless tossers...

How do you get up on a horse made of pancakes?

Using the syrups.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the pancake say to the syrup

Butter me up!

What did aunt jemima say when she ran out of pancakes?

Oh how waffle!

Why was the pancake arrested?

Unwaffle activities

Totally failed to make a Mickey Mouse pancake…

I could only get the two ears done. I think this one is a bust !

Customer: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long?

Waiter: No sir, round.

"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."

"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"

"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pancakes!

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed h...

Library of Congress bomber…

Yesterday’s attempted bomber said there are 4 more bombs planted in DC. After botching bombing Congress by showing up at the Library of Congress, the FBI has ordered the immediate evacuation of :

-the Richmond Mall’s Supreme Food Court

-The Hexagon Building on Connecticut Ave

-...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Kids Got Pissed at Me for Cooking Pancakes this Morning

Seems he was their favorite rabbit

What do bus drivers put on their morning pancakes?

Traffic jam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pancakes

A housewife visits a doctor. She told him that she’s worried about her 5 year old son’s small penis. He said her problem is solved. “You just have to prepare every morning some pancakes for breakfast. It will help grow its size overtime”.

The next day, she did gladly prepared the breakfast a...

How does Liam Neeson make such good pancakes?

He has a very particular set of skillets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just a slip of the tongue

A guy boards the flight and looks over at his row mate to see they have something in common and strikes up a conversation-

Guy 1 - Wow, what a coincidence. We both have a black eye!

Guy 2 - Yeah, it was really just a slip of the tongue. I was at the ticket counter and the woman behind ...

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irish man are chatting in a bar. The Englishman says "We named my son George because he was born on St. George's Day".

The Scotsman says "Wow, what a coincidence! My son is called Andrew because he was born on St. Andrew's Day"

The Irishman says "I can't believe it! Wait till I tell you about our Pancake"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mailman is making his route. On his last day before retirement, he gets to one of the last houses when the lady of the house answers the door in a slinky negligee and says, "Today is your last day, isn’t it? Come with me; I have a surprise for you."

She takes him by the hand and leads him into the house where he finds a complete breakfast feast laid out for him—eggs, pancakes, bacon, the works. The mailman stuffs himself, pushes back from the table, and says, "Thank you ma’am, this was wonderful, but I really should finish my route."

She...

A New Yorker Was Teaching A Midwesterner How To Ski

A Midwesterner is on vacation in the Poconos. Over there, he decides to take up downhill skiing. He's done a lot of cross country skiing, but he's never skied downhill, since there are no mountains over in Fargo. Fargo's flatter than a pancake.

He decided to try downhill skiing. "How hahr...

A group of moles are hibernating for the winter in a burrow by a small farm on the countryside

One morning, one of the moles pops his head out of the hole.

“I smell maple syrup in the air!” Says the mole, “every start of spring the farmer’s wife cooks pancakes. It’s time for us to leave!”

The mole leaves the burrow. And a second mole sticks his head out.

“He’s onto someth...

You know why the pancake king lost his kingdom?

Cuz he was usyruped.

If 2020 was a math word problem:

**If you're going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?**

A man walks into a greasy spoon for breakfast....

Waiter says “what will it be, mac? “
The customer says “ I gotta catch a train - so I’ll just have a short stack of pancakes , also coffee ... and waiter - will they be long?”
The waiter says “No buddy, they’ll be round...”

An old man is eating some breakfast at a diner when three bikers walk in.

The first biker puts out his cigarette in the old man's pancakes.

The second biker spits out his tobacco in the old man's coffee.

The third biker takes the entire meal and shoves it off the table.

The old man, without saying so much as a word, gets up, pays the waitress, and exi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having children is like making pancakes.

The first one is always fucked up, but you make all the other ones better and didn't drop none on the floor this time.

First Pancake

A young mother was preparing breakfast for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan, 3. They both said they wanted pancakes. As the pancakes were almost finished and the syrup was being heated in the microwave, the boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother, who was also a Sund...

So a family of moles wakes up one morning to the smell of pancakes...

The father mole heads up to check things out. From the entrance to their den, the smell is a lot stronger, but being naturally skittish, he stays in the doorway. "This smells great!" he said. "It smells like pancakes and warm syrup!"

Her curiosity piqued, the mother mole joins the father in ...

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...

"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

News: Doctors recommend Pizza and pancake diet for Covid-19 patients

And all other foods that can fit under the door.

Foreplay is like pancakes...

three minutes on each side.

Where do all the naughty pancakes go?

Flipping Hell!

Just opened a Sandwich & Pancakes restaurant!

I named it “Not all Heroes, We’re Crepes”

Three moles live in a hole together.

One day a pancake breakfast is set up around the mole hole. One of the three moles sticks his head out of the hole and says, "I smell syrup!"

The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says, "I smell ketchup!"

The third mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but cannot ...

Did you hear about the angry pancake?

He just flipped.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Caught my roommate masturbating himself with a thin pancake.

What a crepe.

The wife asked me to go out and get something for the pancakes.

She wasn't impressed when I came back with a bra.

How do cannibals eat pancakes?

They wait by tall buildings.

How did the pancake become the king?

He u-syruped the throne.

I snuck downstairs to make pancakes at midnight last night

It took a couple hours and I didn’t want to wake anyone going back up.

I stuck some pancakes to my feet and crepèd back up the stairs.

Quebec men like their women to be like their pancakes.

Well-stacked and covered in maple syrup.

Why did the Xbox One eat its cereal for breakfast, but not its pancakes?

It had the spoon, but not the 4k.

Not sure what to do with the leftover pancake mix...

Should I throw it away or do you have a batter idea?

A man in a hurry goes to a diner and ordered a pancake

He asked, “Will it be long?”

The cook replied, “No, it’ll be round.”

Why did the pancake get arrested?

It had committed multiple unwaffle actions.

I gave my girlfriend the last of my pancake today

She leaned over in a whisper and said,
"Pancucked"

I honestly didn't expect it and I almost died.

How many potatoes does it take to make a potato pancake?

A latke!

(I removed a typo from my first submission and reposted this joke, sorry if you saw it twice.)

Me: I'll have a stack of 24 pancakes, please

Waitress: That's a tall order!

A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time. The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks:

"Do you like potato pancakes?" "No," comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket. "Do you have a brother?" "No." After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

What does the pope put on his pancakes?

Papal syrup.

I can't believe its pancake day again already..

It's really créped up on me!

I'm scared of french pancakes

They give me the crepes

Why was the pancake a bad comedian?

Because his jokes fell flat

What'd the Parisian chef say when he messed up his Pancakes?

"Aww Crepe."

I was going to make pancakes, then I wasn't…

Then I was.

Then I wasn't.

Then I was.

Now, it looks like I'm just waffling…

It's Pancake Tuesday already...

Really creped up on me.

What did the pancake say to the complimentary muffin?

I'm flattered!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pancakes

A couple was raising a young boy. The two parents were concerned about their child, as he had an abnormally small penis for his age. So they consult a doctor, and after a close examination, the doctor tells the parents, "Just feed him plenty of pancakes. Eventually he'll reach a good size."

T...

here's a pretty good joke

so, once there was a boy and he was born with no body, no arms, and no legs. One night, on his 18th birthday, his dad took him down to a bar and got him a drink. The boy took a sip and out popped his body. His dad was flabbergasted and urged him to take another sip. The boy took another sip and, sur...

What do pancakes do when they are scared?

They crepe themselves ;D

If the beavers are rowing their canoe down main st and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes will it take to shingle a dog house?

Seven because ice cream has no bones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Buttermilk pancakes and an orange Popsicle

There once was a man who loved trains more than anything else in the world. Ever since he was a boy, he would play with his toy trains and dream of driving trains for a real train company.



So, when he turned 18, he packed his bags and waved goodbye to his family. He headed out the doo...

The Good Date Potato Pancake Joke

Was recently told this joke by my professor.

A boy is going on a date. Nervous, he asks the father for tips. The father runs the basics down and stresses one thing. "Now son, there are only three things you can talk about : Food, Family and Philosophy".

The boy has no reason to doubt h...

I really feel like having some pancakes...

maybe I don't...I just can't stop waffling.

I tried making pancakes...

But I ended up with flapjacks instead. I guess I used too much synonym

Babies are like pancakes

You have every right to throw the first one away

Two pancakes were talking. One said to the other, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, "hello."

The other said "ugh, get away from me, you crepe."

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

You're driving down the highway on a jet ski, when a wheel falls off. How many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse?

Purple, cuz Ice Cream has no bones....


Has anyone heard a version of this before?

Did you hear about the guy who didn't like people watching him eat pancakes?

He always ate them syruptitiously.

A man walked into a psychiatrist's office with a pancake on his head...

... a fried egg on each shoulder, and a piece of bacon over each ear.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the psychiatrist.
The man said: "I'm worried about my brother."

My successful pancake business was recently shut down

Someone tipped off the police that I was selling them hot

What do you call someone who can't turn pancakes?

A flip-flop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For my birthday, my brother made me pancakes!

I told him to stop flattening my fucking birthday cake.

Why didn't the waffle go to the pancake party?

He was a square.

Superman...

Superman walks into a room with a pancake on his head...


Not all heroes wear crepes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John is a mailman in a small town. Everyone in the town knows him. Today he is retiring.

Every house he went to, families were greeting him and congratulating him. Most game him gifts. Flowers, cards, presents ... until he got to the last house on his final route.

A woman came to the door stark naked. She quietly took him upstairs and made sweet passionate love to him for hours u...

An old couple enters a cafe in normandy, overlooking the beach.

The couple are clearly tourists, and when the couple sits down at a table the waitress noticed that the old man is missing a part of his leg. Curious, the waitress approaches them and decides to ask why.

After asking the question the old woman answers, stating that her husband fought in the w...

So its pancake Tuesday today

That surely crepe'd up on us

A man calls his doctor because he suspects he has Corona

They discuss his symptoms and conclude that he indeed has the disease.

Doctor: you will need to start the 3P diet.

Man: the 3P diet? What's that?

Doctor: pizza, pancakes, and panini

Man: but doctor, why?

Doctor: because they fit under the door

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Support your local mailman

On John's last day as a mailman after 40 years serving the same neighborhood, the first house on his route gave him a nice gift envelope with $100 in cash.

At the second house, they gave him a box of high-quality cigars.

At the third house, they handed him a selection of great fishing ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is walking home from his job at a local software company

He worked late that night, and the sun had already fallen below the sky. The man enjoyed the two mile walk to work in the morning, but the cold of the night made the way back numb, rigid, and surreal. The man followed long, curving roads through the dark pine forests, illuminated by cold sunlight re...

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