I’m making a coat out of pancakes.

I call it my flapjacket.

Having children is a lot like making pancakes

The first one is always a bit weird, but you can always just eat it when no one is looking.

How does a panda make his pancakes in the morning?

With a pan...duh

Why do jedi always burn their pancakes?

Because they wont turn over to the dark side.

My wife makes my pancakes too thin.

Tomorrow morning I am telling her I am sick of her crepe.

A pancake, a piece of toast, and a piece of bacon walk into a bar

They sit down and ask the bartender for a round of beers. The bartender looks at them and says "Get the hell out of my bar, we don't serve breakfast here."

Wife: We just ate, why are you making pancakes?

Me: They're for the dogs.

Wife: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Me: They don't know how.

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What's the difference between Tony Blair & a chef who keeps dropping his pancakes?

Nothing, they're both useless tossers...

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What did the pancake say to the syrup

Butter me up!

How do you get up on a horse made of pancakes?

Using the syrups.

How does Liam Neeson make such good pancakes?

He has a very particular set of skillets.

Did you know Sean Connery used to save the egg shells from pancake day and paint them to use for egg hunts at Easter?

It was an egg shell lent idea

What did aunt jemima say when she ran out of pancakes?

Oh how waffle!

My dad always called me "Pancake"

He said it was "Because the first one is always a mistake."

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Pancakes

A housewife visits a doctor. She told him that she’s worried about her 5 year old son’s small penis. He said her problem is solved. “You just have to prepare every morning some pancakes for breakfast. It will help grow its size overtime”.

The next day, she did gladly prepared the breakfast a...

pancakes

Psychiatrist: What brought you here?
Patient: My wife sent me here because I like pancakes.
Psychiatrist: There's nothing wrong with that, I like pancakes, too.
Patient: Excellent! Come to my place, I have seven suitcases full of them!

Why was the pancake arrested?

Unwaffle activities

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Having children is like making pancakes.

The first one is always fucked up, but you make all the other ones better and didn't drop none on the floor this time.

I totally forgot that yesterday was pancake day again.

It really creped up on me this year.

An old man is eating some breakfast at a diner when three bikers walk in.

The first biker puts out his cigarette in the old man's pancakes.

The second biker spits out his tobacco in the old man's coffee.

The third biker takes the entire meal and shoves it off the table.

The old man, without saying so much as a word, gets up, pays the waitress, and exi...

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream ...

You know why the pancake king lost his kingdom?

Cuz he was usyruped.

here's a pretty good joke

so, once there was a boy and he was born with no body, no arms, and no legs. One night, on his 18th birthday, his dad took him down to a bar and got him a drink. The boy took a sip and out popped his body. His dad was flabbergasted and urged him to take another sip. The boy took another sip and, sur...

Foreplay is like pancakes...

three minutes on each side.

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My Kids Got Pissed at Me for Cooking Pancakes this Morning

Seems he was their favorite rabbit

What do bus drivers put on their morning pancakes?

Traffic jam

"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."

"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"

"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."

First Pancake

A young mother was preparing breakfast for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan, 3. They both said they wanted pancakes. As the pancakes were almost finished and the syrup was being heated in the microwave, the boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother, who was also a Sund...

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Pancakes!

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed h...

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...

"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

Coronavirus patients start pizza and pancake diet

"It's all we can slide under the door!" Says doctor.

Just opened a Sandwich & Pancakes restaurant!

I named it “Not all Heroes, We’re Crepes”

Superman...

Superman walks into a room with a pancake on his head...


Not all heroes wear crepes.

Did you hear about the angry pancake?

He just flipped.

So a family of moles wakes up one morning to the smell of pancakes...

The father mole heads up to check things out. From the entrance to their den, the smell is a lot stronger, but being naturally skittish, he stays in the doorway. "This smells great!" he said. "It smells like pancakes and warm syrup!"

Her curiosity piqued, the mother mole joins the father in ...

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Caught my roommate masturbating himself with a thin pancake.

What a crepe.

Where do all the naughty pancakes go?

Flipping Hell!

How do cannibals eat pancakes?

They wait by tall buildings.

How did the pancake become the king?

He u-syruped the throne.

I snuck downstairs to make pancakes at midnight last night

It took a couple hours and I didn’t want to wake anyone going back up.

I stuck some pancakes to my feet and crepèd back up the stairs.

There were 3 moles living in a hole...

One day, they wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking. The first mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell pancakes!" The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell syrup!" The last mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so...

Why did the Xbox One eat its cereal for breakfast, but not its pancakes?

It had the spoon, but not the 4k.

Not sure what to do with the leftover pancake mix...

Should I throw it away or do you have a batter idea?

A man in a hurry goes to a diner and ordered a pancake

He asked, “Will it be long?”

The cook replied, “No, it’ll be round.”

Why did the pancake get arrested?

It had committed multiple unwaffle actions.

I gave my girlfriend the last of my pancake today

She leaned over in a whisper and said,
"Pancucked"

I honestly didn't expect it and I almost died.

How many potatoes does it take to make a potato pancake?

A latke!

(I removed a typo from my first submission and reposted this joke, sorry if you saw it twice.)

I can't believe its pancake day again already..

It's really créped up on me!

Why was the pancake a bad comedian?

Because his jokes fell flat

The wife asked me to go out and get something for the pancakes.

She wasn't impressed when I came back with a bra.

What'd the Parisian chef say when he messed up his Pancakes?

"Aww Crepe."

I was going to make pancakes, then I wasn't…

Then I was.

Then I wasn't.

Then I was.

Now, it looks like I'm just waffling…

What does the pope put on his pancakes?

Papal syrup.

Babies are like pancakes

You have every right to throw the first one away

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Pancakes

A couple was raising a young boy. The two parents were concerned about their child, as he had an abnormally small penis for his age. So they consult a doctor, and after a close examination, the doctor tells the parents, "Just feed him plenty of pancakes. Eventually he'll reach a good size."

T...

What do pancakes do when they are scared?

They crepe themselves ;D

If the beavers are rowing their canoe down main st and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes will it take to shingle a dog house?

Seven because ice cream has no bones

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Buttermilk pancakes and an orange Popsicle

There once was a man who loved trains more than anything else in the world. Ever since he was a boy, he would play with his toy trains and dream of driving trains for a real train company.



So, when he turned 18, he packed his bags and waved goodbye to his family. He headed out the doo...

I'm scared of french pancakes

They give me the crepes

The Good Date Potato Pancake Joke

Was recently told this joke by my professor.

A boy is going on a date. Nervous, he asks the father for tips. The father runs the basics down and stresses one thing. "Now son, there are only three things you can talk about : Food, Family and Philosophy".

The boy has no reason to doubt h...

Me: I'll have a stack of 24 pancakes, please

Waitress: That's a tall order!

I tried making pancakes...

But I ended up with flapjacks instead. I guess I used too much synonym

BBC News....

Next weeks Covid Guidance. You can meet with another person from outside your family with an A or an R in their names unless it's a Wednesday. Family members are OK unless it's the third Monday after Pancake Tuesday. People under 5 foot 11 aren't allowed to go to the pub unless they have brown hair....

A man calls his doctor because he suspects he has Corona

They discuss his symptoms and conclude that he indeed has the disease.

Doctor: you will need to start the 3P diet.

Man: the 3P diet? What's that?

Doctor: pizza, pancakes, and panini

Man: but doctor, why?

Doctor: because they fit under the door

Two pancakes were talking. One said to the other, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, "hello."

The other said "ugh, get away from me, you crepe."

A serial killer was killing his female victims by drowning them in pancake mix, then dipping them in hot oil. Some of his victims survived.

They're currently being treated at a battered women's shelter.

Did you hear about the guy who didn't like people watching him eat pancakes?

He always ate them syruptitiously.

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John is a mailman in a small town. Everyone in the town knows him. Today he is retiring.

Every house he went to, families were greeting him and congratulating him. Most game him gifts. Flowers, cards, presents ... until he got to the last house on his final route.

A woman came to the door stark naked. She quietly took him upstairs and made sweet passionate love to him for hours u...

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

I need a recommendation for a good breakfast wine.

Something that would compliment baloney pancakes - or a nice Cheetos frittata.

(Bonus points if I can make it myself in the bathtub.)

A man walked into a psychiatrist's office with a pancake on his head...

... a fried egg on each shoulder, and a piece of bacon over each ear.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the psychiatrist.
The man said: "I'm worried about my brother."

What do you call someone who can't turn pancakes?

A flip-flop.

There was a monk helping make breakfast for the monastery,

and remembered you dont have to use a spatula to flip pancakes. Next thing he knew it was out of the frying pan and onto the friar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For my birthday, my brother made me pancakes!

I told him to stop flattening my fucking birthday cake.

An old couple enters a cafe in normandy, overlooking the beach.

The couple are clearly tourists, and when the couple sits down at a table the waitress noticed that the old man is missing a part of his leg. Curious, the waitress approaches them and decides to ask why.

After asking the question the old woman answers, stating that her husband fought in the w...

A man returns from an exotic holiday and is feeling very ill.

He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo some tests.


The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. "This is your doctor. We have the results back from your tests and we have found you have an extr...

Why didn't the waffle go to the pancake party?

He was a square.

If the early bird gets the worm,

I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Support your local mailman

On John's last day as a mailman after 40 years serving the same neighborhood, the first house on his route gave him a nice gift envelope with $100 in cash.

At the second house, they gave him a box of high-quality cigars.

At the third house, they handed him a selection of great fishing ...

What do you call an Ewok who just ate pancakes?

A sticky Wicket.

The doctor comes in the room and says, "I've got good news and I've got bad news for you."

The bad news is you've got "HAGS".



"HAGS? What's that?"



"That's what we call it when you have herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis all at the same time.



"Doc, that's horrible, what's the good news?"



"There is a special treatment regime for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is walking home from his job at a local software company

He worked late that night, and the sun had already fallen below the sky. The man enjoyed the two mile walk to work in the morning, but the cold of the night made the way back numb, rigid, and surreal. The man followed long, curving roads through the dark pine forests, illuminated by cold sunlight re...

how Anti vax people calculate

If i have 4 pens and you have 6 apples, how many pancakes fit on the roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats

In memoriam

Rapid Roy was a daredevil who specialized in car stunts. He decided to retire in style and end his career by attempting a canyon jump in the worst car he could find. After doing some digging, he came across a Chevy Nova in an auction in Champagne, LA. It was in bad shape, but he took a chance, wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here’s one my biology teacher told in class.

There are three moles digging a hole. There’s a daddy mole, a mommy mole, and a baby mole. The daddy mole stops digging and sticks his nose in the air and says “it smells like pancakes!”
Then, the mommy mole sticks her nose in the air and says “it smells like bacon!”
Then the baby mole sighs ...

So its pancake Tuesday today

That surely crepe'd up on us

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