UPJOKE
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My dad always called me "Pancake"

He said it was "Because the first one is always a mistake."

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Pancakes!

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed h...

Wife: We just ate, why are you making pancakes?

Me: They're for the dogs.

Wife: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Me: They don't know how.

My wife makes my pancakes too thin.

Tomorrow morning I am telling her I am sick of her crepe.

A pancake, a piece of toast, and a piece of bacon walk into a bar

They sit down and ask the bartender for a round of beers. The bartender looks at them and says "Get the hell out of my bar, we don't serve breakfast here."

Having children is a lot like making pancakes

The first one is always a bit weird, but you can always just eat it when no one is looking.

I’m making a coat out of pancakes.

I call it my flapjacket.

How does a panda make his pancakes in the morning?

With a pan...duh

pancakes

Psychiatrist: What brought you here?
Patient: My wife sent me here because I like pancakes.
Psychiatrist: There's nothing wrong with that, I like pancakes, too.
Patient: Excellent! Come to my place, I have seven suitcases full of them!

Making pancakes

An Englishman and Frenchman are together making pancakes, the Englishman retrieves 2 eggs from the fridge and cracks one into the mixing bowl. As he goes for the second egg, it slips from his hand and explodes on the floor. "Oh bollocks!" The Englishman cries. The Frenchman turns to him and says "do...

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Pancakes asks Sausage to go to the movies

Sausage asks: Hey, should we invite Bacon?

Pancakes says: Of course! I love Bacon.

Sausage asks: What about Eggs?

Pancakes shakes his head and says: Nah man, Eggs Benedict lately.

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My Kids Got Pissed at Me for Cooking Pancakes this Morning

Seems he was their favorite rabbit

Why was the pancake arrested?

Unwaffle activities

Why do girls prefer waffles over pancakes?

They've got pockets!

How would you describe a bad joke about pancakes?

Wawful.

Who Flips Frankenstein's Pancakes?

Count Spatula.

What does a German say after eating pancakes for breakfast?

Gluten Morgen

I made pancakes while hungover, but dropped them on the unswept floor.

Hair of the dog

Does the International House of Pancakes answer to the United Nations or is it the other way around?

Serious answers only. I'm studying for my AP World History final.

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Pancakes

A housewife visits a doctor. She told him that she’s worried about her 5 year old son’s small penis. He said her problem is solved. “You just have to prepare every morning some pancakes for breakfast. It will help grow its size overtime”.

The next day, she did gladly prepared the breakfast a...

This is my first joke. Be nice!

A doctor says grimly to a patient, "You are a very sick man. You've been diagnosed with covid, monkey pox, swine flu, Ebola, and bubonic plague all at the same time."

"Is there anything that can be done to help me?" asks the patient.

"Amazingly, there is," says the doctor. "First, we'...

I hate french pancakes

..they give me the crepes

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What's the difference between a prostitute and a pancake?

I only have to flip the prostitute over once before sprinkling it with cream.

What did the pancake say to the French cook?

you're creping me out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pizza walks by two pancakes

Pancake: " Look at that bitch with all that make-up!"

First Pancake

A young mother was preparing breakfast for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan, 3. They both said they wanted pancakes. As the pancakes were almost finished and the syrup was being heated in the microwave, the boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother, who was also a Sund...

Why do Jedi's always burn their pancakes?

They refuse to turn to the darkside.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pancakes

A couple was raising a young boy. The two parents were concerned about their child, as he had an abnormally small penis for his age. So they consult a doctor, and after a close examination, the doctor tells the parents, "Just feed him plenty of pancakes. Eventually he'll reach a good size."

T...

What did aunt jemima say when she ran out of pancakes?

Oh how waffle!

You know why the pancake king lost his kingdom?

Cuz he was usyruped.

"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."

"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"

"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."

Totally failed to make a Mickey Mouse pancake…

I could only get the two ears done. I think this one is a bust !

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A joke to tell your friends in-person

So, like the title says, this joke only works if you're telling it to your friend in real life! Make sure it's someone you're somewhat close with, though.

So a guy walks into a three-story building. That's very important to the story, so you gotta remember it. How many stories does it have?...

2 eggs, a sausage link, a piece of toast and 3 pancakes walk into a bar.

2 eggs, a sausage link, a piece of toast and 3 pancakes walk into a bar. They walk up to the counter and order some drinks. The bartender says,

Sorry, we dont serve breakfast

How do cannibals eat pancakes?

They wait by tall buildings.

Why did the pancake get arrested?

It had committed multiple unwaffle actions.

Customer: Waiter, I’m in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long?

Waiter: No sir, round.

Coronavirus patients start pizza and pancake diet

"It's all we can slide under the door!" Says doctor.

How do you get up on a horse made of pancakes?

Using the syrups.

Did you hear about the angry pancake?

He just flipped.

Foreplay is like pancakes...

three minutes on each side.

How does Liam Neeson make such good pancakes?

He has a very particular set of skillets.

I dreamed last last night that I was making pancakes whilst driving along a twisty road

I tossed and turned all night

It's pancake day?!

Well that creped up on us.

How did the pancake become the king?

He u-syruped the throne.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Tony Blair & a chef who keeps dropping his pancakes?

Nothing, they're both useless tossers...

It's Pancake Tuesday already...

Really creped up on me.

Just opened a Sandwich & Pancakes restaurant!

I named it “Not all Heroes, We’re Crepes”

News: Doctors recommend Pizza and pancake diet for Covid-19 patients

And all other foods that can fit under the door.

Revenge

Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where a grizzled old-timer is having breakfast.

One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy’s pancakes. The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor.
...

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...

"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

What do call someone who steals pancakes?

A Crepetomaniac

Not sure what to do with the leftover pancake mix...

Should I throw it away or do you have a batter idea?

I gave my girlfriend the last of my pancake today

She leaned over in a whisper and said,
"Pancucked"

I honestly didn't expect it and I almost died.

My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes yesterday.

She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra.

I tried making pancakes...

But I ended up with flapjacks instead. I guess I used too much synonym

Babies are like pancakes

You have every right to throw the first one away

There were 3 moles living in a hole...

One day, they wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking. The first mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell pancakes!" The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell syrup!" The last mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so...

A six-year-old said grace at family dinner one evening. "Dear God, thank You for the pancakes."

When she concluded, her mother asked her why she thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken-pot-pie.

She smiled and said, "I thought I would check to see if He was paying attention."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Buttermilk pancakes and an orange Popsicle

There once was a man who loved trains more than anything else in the world. Ever since he was a boy, he would play with his toy trains and dream of driving trains for a real train company.



So, when he turned 18, he packed his bags and waved goodbye to his family. He headed out the doo...

Where do all the naughty pancakes go?

Flipping Hell!

What did the pancake say to the complimentary muffin?

I'm flattered!

How many potatoes does it take to make a potato pancake?

A latke!

(I removed a typo from my first submission and reposted this joke, sorry if you saw it twice.)

The Good Date Potato Pancake Joke

Was recently told this joke by my professor.

A boy is going on a date. Nervous, he asks the father for tips. The father runs the basics down and stresses one thing. "Now son, there are only three things you can talk about : Food, Family and Philosophy".

The boy has no reason to doubt h...

Me: I'll have a stack of 24 pancakes, please

Waitress: That's a tall order!

A man in a hurry goes to a diner and ordered a pancake

He asked, “Will it be long?”

The cook replied, “No, it’ll be round.”

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