What's the difference between a raisin and a pothead from Alabama

One's baked in bread, and the other's a baked inbred.

My hypoglycemic grandfather dropped his cup of raisins.

He lost his raisins to live.

First /r/jokes. Please be nice :)

People are worrying about Huawei stealing personal info but it's the Western technologies (Apple, Blackberry, Raisin, Raspberry pi) that we should be concerned about.

They're much more likely to be inciders.

When I was a child my parents fed my lots of chocolate, peanuts and raisins.

Probably explains why I was a little Chuncky.

Which raisins are the ugliest and dumbest?

The in-bread ones.

What do you get when you put 1 tsp each of almonds, oats, corn flakes, and raisins in a bowl?

A muesli/measly serving.

A mate of mine has a bank account just for buying raisins

It's a current account.

Raisin' Bread

A young blonde woman working in a bakery wakes up late for work one day and throws on last nights clothes before rushing out to work.

On the way to work she really started to regret her outfit, her skirt was too short and her underwear really left nothing to the imagination.

Reaching ...

I've just been to the shops and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.

I can't believe the currant exchange rate!

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brillia...

Where can the most desperate men find dates?

In the grocery store, next to the raisins. <.<

What did the raisin see when she came home early from work?

Her husband on a date.

Why did the Raisin take a Prune to the Prom?

Because he couldn't find a Date!

I was preparing a bowl of cereal, finished 1 box of raisin bran and started another to fill my bowl. I was alarmed to see a different colored cereal;

Then I realized, they were different brans



this is a tru experience that just happened to me

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.

He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

“No, you can't have those! They're ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane crashes on an island and three men survive...

After wandering the island for a day, they come across a group of natives. Luckily, one of the natives could speak their language, and offers the survivors a challenge.

"First, search our land and retrieve ten fruit. Return to my hut by sunset tomorrow with the fruit, and be prepared for the...

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

I've got 40 raisins in my savings account

...oh no wait, that's my currant account.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to be smooth when asking a girl out

You: Hey buttercup, do you like raisins?

Her: No.

You: How about dates?

What was Ned Stark's favorite part of the morning?

Raisin' Bran.

A woman goes to the store

She buys a cucumber, Greek yogurt, a gallon of milk, 2L Fanta, a loaf of bread, 6 pack of miller lites, can of olives and raisins. She then walks up to the counter places the items in front of the cash register. The cashier looks at the items, looks at her and then back at the items and says "I know...

What do Ned Stark and Hodor talk about at breakfast?

Raisin’ Bran

I’ve started telling everyone I know about the benefits of dried fruit.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

What's Hodor's favorite breakfast cereal?

Raisin Bran.

The bus journey

A man is going on a holiday. He is sitting in front of two old ladies who are talking away. He gets offered some raisins by one of them and she hands him a handful of raisins to which he eats up. 10 min later he gets offered the same again. This goes on for the next hour. He starts getting confused ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

Why did House Stark shut down the northernmost cereal factory in the Seven Kingdoms?

Cuz they were bad at Raisin’ Bran

I never had a date

I never had a date.
Do they taste like raisins?

A husband and wife are getting dressed to go out to dinner

As the woman is making herself up in the mirror she grimaces at her reflection and turns to her husband.

"Why have the years been so cruel to me? With each passing day I get even more old and ugly. The lines on my face run as deep as river beds. My lips are as shriveled as raisins. My onc...

If Bran dies and a white walker brings him back...

Is he Raisin Bran?

Two young boys went to a bread store...

Two young boys went to a bread store. One boy asks the pretty clerk if he could get some raisin bread, she climbs up a ladder to grab the boy a loaf of raisin bread. While she’s up on the ladder, the boy notices that the clerk wasn’t wearing underwear. The boy whispers and points this out to the oth...

I only eat certain types of oatmeal cookies

because raisins.

How to stop being intimidated by dates

Just think of them as big raisins.

How did Eddard Stark get his daily recommended amount of fiber?

Raisin' Bran.

No way Jose! Another? I can Harvey believe it. Irma find somewhere safer to live.

The local chicken shack changed its name in honor of the occasion. They're now Raisin HurriCanes.

I found a recipe for a fruit curry that I wanted to try out.

I made a list of all the ingredients that I needed and headed to the shop. I picked up some rice, some mango chutney, some curry powder and some raisins.

Upon returning I checked my list again to make sure that I had gotten everything that I needed. To my dismay, the recipe had called for sul...

I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect...

...but they fried me for no raisin.

What does Hodor start off his day with?

Raisin' Bran.

What did the cookie farmer say?

"I've been raisin' cookies."

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.






What do you call that same fly without legs?


A raisin.

what do you call a gang made up of cookies?

oatmeal raisin hell

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading....

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