I asked my boss for a raise in pay

He replied, asking why I want raisins for as they already pay me peanuts. I told him I wanted to make trail mix.

Whats an amish person's favorite kind of raisin?

A barn raisin.

What's the difference between a raisin and a pothead from Alabama

One's baked in bread, and the other's a baked inbred.

People are worrying about Huawei stealing personal info but it's the Western technologies (Apple, Blackberry, Raisin, Raspberry pi) that we should be concerned about.

They're much more likely to be inciders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to be smooth when asking a girl out

You: Hey buttercup, do you like raisins?

Her: No.

You: How about dates?

What do Ned Stark and Hodor talk about at breakfast?

Raisin’ Bran

Which raisins are the ugliest and dumbest?

The in-bread ones.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane crashes on an island and three men survive...

After wandering the island for a day, they come across a group of natives. Luckily, one of the natives could speak their language, and offers the survivors a challenge.

"First, search our land and retrieve ten fruit. Return to my hut by sunset tomorrow with the fruit, and be prepared for the...

What do you get when you put 1 tsp each of almonds, oats, corn flakes, and raisins in a bowl?

A muesli/measly serving.

What was Ned Stark's favorite part of the morning?

Raisin' Bran.

What does Kellogg’s have in common with Ned and Catelyn Stark?

They’re both responsible for Raisin’ Bran.

What's Hodor's favorite breakfast cereal?

Raisin Bran.

The bus journey

A man is going on a holiday. He is sitting in front of two old ladies who are talking away. He gets offered some raisins by one of them and she hands him a handful of raisins to which he eats up. 10 min later he gets offered the same again. This goes on for the next hour. He starts getting confused ...

I’ve started telling everyone I know about the benefits of dried fruit.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

I never had a date

I never had a date.
Do they taste like raisins?

Raisin' Bread

A young blonde woman working in a bakery wakes up late for work one day and throws on last nights clothes before rushing out to work.

On the way to work she really started to regret her outfit, her skirt was too short and her underwear really left nothing to the imagination.

Reaching ...

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brillia...

I've just been to the shops and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.

I can't believe the currant exchange rate!

A mate of mine has a bank account just for buying raisins

It's a current account.

What did the raisin see when she came home early from work?

Her husband on a date.

A husband and wife are getting dressed to go out to dinner

As the woman is making herself up in the mirror she grimaces at her reflection and turns to her husband.

"Why have the years been so cruel to me? With each passing day I get even more old and ugly. The lines on my face run as deep as river beds. My lips are as shriveled as raisins. My onc...

Two young boys went to a bread store...

Two young boys went to a bread store. One boy asks the pretty clerk if he could get some raisin bread, she climbs up a ladder to grab the boy a loaf of raisin bread. While she’s up on the ladder, the boy notices that the clerk wasn’t wearing underwear. The boy whispers and points this out to the oth...

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.

He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

“No, you can't have those! They're ...

Why did the Raisin take a Prune to the Prom?

Because he couldn't find a Date!

I found a recipe for a fruit curry that I wanted to try out.

I made a list of all the ingredients that I needed and headed to the shop. I picked up some rice, some mango chutney, some curry powder and some raisins.

Upon returning I checked my list again to make sure that I had gotten everything that I needed. To my dismay, the recipe had called for sul...

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

A corn flake, just created was cruising down the conveyor belt feeling like he was on top of the world.

Totally content with his life he moved along until he was dumped into a large mixer and thousands of other corn flakes landed on top of him.

Not happy with no longer on top he determined to get back above the others. So, he climbed and climbed, pushing other flakes out of his way until finall...

I've got 40 raisins in my savings account

...oh no wait, that's my currant account.

Where can the most desperate men find dates?

In the grocery store, next to the raisins. <.<

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