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Raisin' Bread

A young blonde woman working in a bakery wakes up late for work one day and throws on last nights clothes before rushing out to work.

On the way to work she really started to regret her outfit, her skirt was too short and her underwear really left nothing to the imagination.

Reaching ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the store to buy some raisins...

When he got there, he asked a cashier, "What aisle are the..."

"...raisins in?" she asked.

"How... how did you know?"

"I am a psychic. I can read minds."

"Really? Well then, what am I..."

"Thinking now? You're thinking about what I might look like naked."

"Y...

What's the difference between a raisin and a pothead from Alabama

One's baked in bread, and the other's a baked inbred.

Please don’t hand out raisins this Halloween…

Eggs have gotten really expensive.

Which raisins are the ugliest and dumbest?

The in-bread ones.

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt, and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

“I’d like some raisin bread please,” the man says.

The clerk nods and climbs up a la...

The newspaper had a story of two raisins that each cheated on their partners together.

I thought that was odd, but then I realised I was reading about Currant Affairs

Twice a year there is a newsletter released about dried fruit.

On those dates it is raisin awareness of currant events.

Why did the Raisin take a Prune to the Prom?

Because he couldn't find a Date!

What did the raisin see when she came home early from work?

Her husband on a date.

It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you're adding raisins and marshmallows

it’s a rocky road

What's raisin toast?

Parent toast.

What's an Amish's favorite kind of raisin?

A Barn Raisin'!

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.

He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

“No, you can't have those! They're ...

A gorgeous young woman works at the grocery store. Her job is to climb the ladder to get raisin bread down from the top shelf.

Because she is so attractive, a lot of men who come to the grocery store ask her to get down the raisin bread just so they can see up her skirt when she climbs the ladder, but the woman thinks it's just because raisin bread is really popular.

One day, after the woman had given raisin bread to...

I used to be a programmer for autocorrect

They fried me for no raisin

I've just been to the shops and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.

I can't believe the currant exchange rate!

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

My neighbor's son Bran always gave them a tough time eating breakfast. I guess you could say

Raisin Bran was hard !

People are worrying about Huawei stealing personal info but it's the Western technologies (Apple, Blackberry, Raisin, Raspberry pi) that we should be concerned about.

They're much more likely to be inciders.

What do you get when you put 1 tsp each of almonds, oats, corn flakes, and raisins in a bowl?

A muesli/measly serving.

Did you hear about the oatmeal cookie orphans?

No one's raisin 'em.

3 generations of males went to an old-fashioned store...

The young man asked for a pound of raisins from the pretty lady behind the counter. She had to climb a ladder to fill the order, revealing her naked flesh under her short skirt. Then, she asked his dad what he wanted.

Wanting to see a panty-less beauty climb the stairs again, he too asked f...

I firmly disagree with putting fruit in cake

There's just no good raisin for it

I've got 40 raisins in my savings account

...oh no wait, that's my currant account.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is an old one. RIP Pillsbury Doughboy

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was...

I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently

It's really all about raisin awareness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jill: Hey Jack, what are you eating?

**Jack**: I'm eating raisins.

**Jill**: It's raisin'!

**Jack**: Yeah, that's what I just said. I'm eating raisins.

**Jill**: No, Jack, look down. Your penis is raising.



***Background knowledge****: raisins contain an amino acid called arginine which is known to he...

What does Hodor start off his day with?

Raisin' Bran.

How to stop being intimidated by dates

Just think of them as big raisins.

(LONG) Man walks into bakery, picks out a few loaves of bread, then heads to check-out.

(been a while since I've seen this repost, bear with me)
The clerk is a healthy young lady, and she starts ringing him up. He's been wanting to branch out in his breakfast routine, and asks if she has any recommendations. She points to the top shelf behind her, and says that she really likes th...

Where can the most desperate men find dates?

In the grocery store, next to the raisins. <.<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman goes to the doctor.

The general doctor sits her down and asks her what's wrong.

"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a fruitcake!"

The doctor wasn't sure how to respond.

"I see. What's gotten into you?"

"Raisins, butter, flour... All the usual ingredients!"

How did the vegetables ask to be paid more?

Leetuce have a raisin celery

The wife of a sultan is a sultana. Why am I posting this fact?

No raisin.

What does Kellogg’s have in common with Ned and Catelyn Stark?

They’re both responsible for Raisin’ Bran.

The girl at the top of my class compared me to the worst type of cookie...

I asked them: What do you mean? How am I like the worst type of cookie?

They responded: Well, you look like you're sweet but you're really just a raisin

I looked at them puzzled, and said: Oh? You meant oatmeal raisin, I thought you meant another type of cookie

They made a confu...

Two young boys went to a bread store...

Two young boys went to a bread store. One boy asks the pretty clerk if he could get some raisin bread, she climbs up a ladder to grab the boy a loaf of raisin bread. While she’s up on the ladder, the boy notices that the clerk wasn’t wearing underwear. The boy whispers and points this out to the oth...

People are always asking “why give up everything to get into the dried fruit business?”

I have my raisins.

What's Hodor's favorite breakfast cereal?

Raisin Bran.

I just made a playlist for hiking

It consists of Peanuts, Eminem, California Raisins and The Cranberries. I call it my Trail Mix.

A corn flake, just created was cruising down the conveyor belt feeling like he was on top of the world.

Totally content with his life he moved along until he was dumped into a large mixer and thousands of other corn flakes landed on top of him.

Not happy with no longer on top he determined to get back above the others. So, he climbed and climbed, pushing other flakes out of his way until finall...

The bus journey

A man is going on a holiday. He is sitting in front of two old ladies who are talking away. He gets offered some raisins by one of them and she hands him a handful of raisins to which he eats up. 10 min later he gets offered the same again. This goes on for the next hour. He starts getting confused ...

What was Ned Stark's favorite part of the morning?

Raisin' Bran.

How did Eddard Stark get his daily recommended amount of fiber?

Raisin' Bran.

An old man Goes Into a Bakery...

The girl behind the counter is wearing a very short skirt. A customer orders raisin bread, which means she has to grab a little step ladder and grab the loaf off the highest shelf. As she's going up the ladder, all the guys in the store realize they can now see up her skirt. So they all line up and ...

Two men are standing in line at a bakery when an old man joins them.

There's a cute young woman behind the counter when the first man tells her his order.

'I'll have a loaf of sour dough and how about some raisin bread.'

At this point the second man in line looks back at the old man and tells him to watch. The old man then sees the lady behind the count...

What do Ned Stark and Hodor talk about at breakfast?

Raisin’ Bran

I'm a diabetic, suicidal alcoholic.

So what I'm really saying is: all I want is a tub of rum raisin ice cream.

I found a recipe for a fruit curry that I wanted to try out.

I made a list of all the ingredients that I needed and headed to the shop. I picked up some rice, some mango chutney, some curry powder and some raisins.

Upon returning I checked my list again to make sure that I had gotten everything that I needed. To my dismay, the recipe had called for sul...

A bus driver sees old lady coming to talk to him...

and she has a handful of raisins.

-Would you mind to eat these raisins? I don´t like the taste of them,

The bus driver is confused but hungry and gladly accepts the offer. He starts again driving and after riding for 3 miles, the bus driver sees that the same old lady is there with a h...

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