Raisin Jokes - 42 Hilarious Raisin Jokes

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A man went to the store to buy some raisins...

When he got there, he asked a cashier, "What aisle are the..."

"...raisins in?" she asked.

"How... how did you know?"

"I am a psychic. I can read minds."

"Really? Well then, what am I..."

"Thinking now? You're thinking about what I might look like naked."

"Y...

Which raisins are the ugliest and dumbest?

The in-bread ones.

Please don’t hand out raisins this Halloween…

Eggs have gotten really expensive.

What's an Amish's favorite kind of raisin?

A Barn Raisin'!

Why did the Raisin take a Prune to the Prom?

Because he couldn't find a Date!

What's the difference between a raisin and a pothead from Alabama

One's baked in bread, and the other's a baked inbred.

What did the raisin see when she came home early from work?

Her husband on a date.

The newspaper had a story of two raisins that each cheated on their partners together.

I thought that was odd, but then I realised I was reading about Currant Affairs

Twice a year there is a newsletter released about dried fruit.

On those dates it is raisin awareness of currant events.

It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you're adding raisins and marshmallows

it’s a rocky road

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.

He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

“No, you can't have those! They're ...

I used to be a programmer for autocorrect

They fried me for no raisin

What's raisin toast?

Parent toast.

I've just been to the shops and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.

I can't believe the currant exchange rate!

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

My neighbor's son Bran always gave them a tough time eating breakfast. I guess you could say

Raisin Bran was hard !

People are worrying about Huawei stealing personal info but it's the Western technologies (Apple, Blackberry, Raisin, Raspberry pi) that we should be concerned about.

They're much more likely to be inciders.

What do you get when you put 1 tsp each of almonds, oats, corn flakes, and raisins in a bowl?

A muesli/measly serving.

Did you hear about the oatmeal cookie orphans?

No one's raisin 'em.

I firmly disagree with putting fruit in cake

There's just no good raisin for it

I've got 40 raisins in my savings account

...oh no wait, that's my currant account.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is an old one. RIP Pillsbury Doughboy

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was...

I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently

It's really all about raisin awareness.

What does Hodor start off his day with?

Raisin' Bran.

How to stop being intimidated by dates

Just think of them as big raisins.

Where can the most desperate men find dates?

In the grocery store, next to the raisins. <.<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman goes to the doctor.

The general doctor sits her down and asks her what's wrong.

"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a fruitcake!"

The doctor wasn't sure how to respond.

"I see. What's gotten into you?"

"Raisins, butter, flour... All the usual ingredients!"

How did the vegetables ask to be paid more?

Leetuce have a raisin celery

The wife of a sultan is a sultana. Why am I posting this fact?

No raisin.

What does Kellogg’s have in common with Ned and Catelyn Stark?

They’re both responsible for Raisin’ Bran.

The girl at the top of my class compared me to the worst type of cookie...

I asked them: What do you mean? How am I like the worst type of cookie?

They responded: Well, you look like you're sweet but you're really just a raisin

I looked at them puzzled, and said: Oh? You meant oatmeal raisin, I thought you meant another type of cookie

They made a confu...

People are always asking “why give up everything to get into the dried fruit business?”

I have my raisins.

What's Hodor's favorite breakfast cereal?

Raisin Bran.

I just made a playlist for hiking

It consists of Peanuts, Eminem, California Raisins and The Cranberries. I call it my Trail Mix.

A corn flake, just created was cruising down the conveyor belt feeling like he was on top of the world.

Totally content with his life he moved along until he was dumped into a large mixer and thousands of other corn flakes landed on top of him.

Not happy with no longer on top he determined to get back above the others. So, he climbed and climbed, pushing other flakes out of his way until finall...

The bus journey

A man is going on a holiday. He is sitting in front of two old ladies who are talking away. He gets offered some raisins by one of them and she hands him a handful of raisins to which he eats up. 10 min later he gets offered the same again. This goes on for the next hour. He starts getting confused ...

What was Ned Stark's favorite part of the morning?

Raisin' Bran.

How did Eddard Stark get his daily recommended amount of fiber?

Raisin' Bran.

What do Ned Stark and Hodor talk about at breakfast?

Raisin’ Bran

I'm a diabetic, suicidal alcoholic.

So what I'm really saying is: all I want is a tub of rum raisin ice cream.

I found a recipe for a fruit curry that I wanted to try out.

I made a list of all the ingredients that I needed and headed to the shop. I picked up some rice, some mango chutney, some curry powder and some raisins.

Upon returning I checked my list again to make sure that I had gotten everything that I needed. To my dismay, the recipe had called for sul...

A bus driver sees old lady coming to talk to him...

and she has a handful of raisins.

-Would you mind to eat these raisins? I don´t like the taste of them,

The bus driver is confused but hungry and gladly accepts the offer. He starts again driving and after riding for 3 miles, the bus driver sees that the same old lady is there with a h...

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