What's the difference between a raisin and a pothead from Alabama

One's baked in bread, and the other's a baked inbred.

What's an Amish's favorite kind of raisin?

A Barn Raisin'!

I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently

It's really all about raisin awareness.

It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you're adding raisins and marshmallows

it’s a rocky road

Raisin' Bread

A young blonde woman working in a bakery wakes up late for work one day and throws on last nights clothes before rushing out to work.

On the way to work she really started to regret her outfit, her skirt was too short and her underwear really left nothing to the imagination.

Reaching ...

What did the raisin see when she came home early from work?

Her husband on a date.

I read an article today about a raisin cheating on its date

I like to keep up with currant affairs

People are worrying about Huawei stealing personal info but it's the Western technologies (Apple, Blackberry, Raisin, Raspberry pi) that we should be concerned about.

They're much more likely to be inciders.

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.

He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

“No, you can't have those! They're ...

Raisin bread sales in a bakery

The bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thongs.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant & at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt @ the location of the raisin bread, he has ...

Why did the Raisin take a Prune to the Prom?

Because he couldn't find a Date!

Which raisins are the ugliest and dumbest?

The in-bread ones.

When I was a child my parents fed my lots of chocolate, peanuts and raisins.

Probably explains why I was a little Chuncky.

I was preparing a bowl of cereal, finished 1 box of raisin bran and started another to fill my bowl. I was alarmed to see a different colored cereal;

Then I realized, they were different brans



this is a tru experience that just happened to me

I've just been to the shops and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.

I can't believe the currant exchange rate!

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

(LONG) Man walks into bakery, picks out a few loaves of bread, then heads to check-out.

(been a while since I've seen this repost, bear with me)
The clerk is a healthy young lady, and she starts ringing him up. He's been wanting to branch out in his breakfast routine, and asks if she has any recommendations. She points to the top shelf behind her, and says that she really likes th...

People are always asking “why give up everything to get into the dried fruit business?”

I have my raisins.

3 generations of males went to an old-fashioned store...

The young man asked for a pound of raisins from the pretty lady behind the counter. She had to climb a ladder to fill the order, revealing her naked flesh under her short skirt. Then, she asked his dad what he wanted.

Wanting to see a panty-less beauty climb the stairs again, he too asked f...

I just made a playlist for hiking

It consists of Peanuts, Eminem, California Raisins and The Cranberries. I call it my Trail Mix.

I've got 40 raisins in my savings account

...oh no wait, that's my currant account.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jill: Hey Jack, what are you eating?

**Jack**: I'm eating raisins.

**Jill**: It's raisin'!

**Jack**: Yeah, that's what I just said. I'm eating raisins.

**Jill**: No, Jack, look down. Your penis is raising.



***Background knowledge****: raisins contain an amino acid called arginine which is known to he...

The girl at the top of my class compared me to the worst type of cookie...

I asked them: What do you mean? How am I like the worst type of cookie?

They responded: Well, you look like you're sweet but you're really just a raisin

I looked at them puzzled, and said: Oh? You meant oatmeal raisin, I thought you meant another type of cookie

They made a confu...

The wife of a sultan is a sultana. Why am I posting this fact?

No raisin.

How did the vegetables ask to be paid more?

Leetuce have a raisin celery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

I asked my boss for a raise in pay

He replied, asking why I want raisins for as they already pay me peanuts. I told him I wanted to make trail mix.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane crashes on an island and three men survive...

After wandering the island for a day, they come across a group of natives. Luckily, one of the natives could speak their language, and offers the survivors a challenge.

"First, search our land and retrieve ten fruit. Return to my hut by sunset tomorrow with the fruit, and be prepared for the...

What's Hodor's favorite breakfast cereal?

Raisin Bran.

Where can the most desperate men find dates?

In the grocery store, next to the raisins. <.<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guys goes to the doctor because he is often delirious

The doctor says;

“Listen, take this syringe, go home, and inject some anti-bacterial dish soap RIGHT into your veins”

The guys says “Ok” then goes home and does exactly that.

The next day he returns and says “Doctor, i did what you said, and it made my penis shrivel into a lit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to be smooth when asking a girl out

You: Hey buttercup, do you like raisins?

Her: No.

You: How about dates?

What was Ned Stark's favorite part of the morning?

Raisin' Bran.

I never had a date

I never had a date.
Do they taste like raisins?

The bus journey

A man is going on a holiday. He is sitting in front of two old ladies who are talking away. He gets offered some raisins by one of them and she hands him a handful of raisins to which he eats up. 10 min later he gets offered the same again. This goes on for the next hour. He starts getting confused ...

What do Ned Stark and Hodor talk about at breakfast?

Raisin’ Bran

How to stop being intimidated by dates

Just think of them as big raisins.

What does Hodor start off his day with?

Raisin' Bran.

How did Eddard Stark get his daily recommended amount of fiber?

Raisin' Bran.

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading....

I found a recipe for a fruit curry that I wanted to try out.

I made a list of all the ingredients that I needed and headed to the shop. I picked up some rice, some mango chutney, some curry powder and some raisins.

Upon returning I checked my list again to make sure that I had gotten everything that I needed. To my dismay, the recipe had called for sul...

A husband and wife are getting dressed to go out to dinner

As the woman is making herself up in the mirror she grimaces at her reflection and turns to her husband.

"Why have the years been so cruel to me? With each passing day I get even more old and ugly. The lines on my face run as deep as river beds. My lips are as shriveled as raisins. My onc...

I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect...

...but they fried me for no raisin.

I only eat certain types of oatmeal cookies

because raisins.

What did the cookie farmer say?

"I've been raisin' cookies."

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.






What do you call that same fly without legs?


A raisin.

If Bran dies and a white walker brings him back...

Is he Raisin Bran?

No way Jose! Another? I can Harvey believe it. Irma find somewhere safer to live.

The local chicken shack changed its name in honor of the occasion. They're now Raisin HurriCanes.

Two young boys went to a bread store...

Two young boys went to a bread store. One boy asks the pretty clerk if he could get some raisin bread, she climbs up a ladder to grab the boy a loaf of raisin bread. While she’s up on the ladder, the boy notices that the clerk wasn’t wearing underwear. The boy whispers and points this out to the oth...

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