What's the difference between a raisin and a pothead from Alabama

One's baked in bread, and the other's a baked inbred.

It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you're adding raisins and marshmallows

it’s a rocky road

I read an article today about a raisin cheating on its date

I like to keep up with currant affairs

Whats an amish person's favorite kind of raisin?

A barn raisin.

People are worrying about Huawei stealing personal info but it's the Western technologies (Apple, Blackberry, Raisin, Raspberry pi) that we should be concerned about.

They're much more likely to be inciders.

Which raisins are the ugliest and dumbest?

The in-bread ones.

When I was a child my parents fed my lots of chocolate, peanuts and raisins.

Probably explains why I was a little Chuncky.

Raisin' Bread

A young blonde woman working in a bakery wakes up late for work one day and throws on last nights clothes before rushing out to work.

On the way to work she really started to regret her outfit, her skirt was too short and her underwear really left nothing to the imagination.

Reaching ...

What did the raisin see when she came home early from work?

Her husband on a date.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guys goes to the doctor because he is often delirious

The doctor says;

“Listen, take this syringe, go home, and inject some anti-bacterial dish soap RIGHT into your veins”

The guys says “Ok” then goes home and does exactly that.

The next day he returns and says “Doctor, i did what you said, and it made my penis shrivel into a lit...

Raisin bread sales in a bakery

The bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thongs.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant & at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt @ the location of the raisin bread, he has ...

I've just been to the shops and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.

I can't believe the currant exchange rate!

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.

He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

“No, you can't have those! They're ...

I was preparing a bowl of cereal, finished 1 box of raisin bran and started another to fill my bowl. I was alarmed to see a different colored cereal;

Then I realized, they were different brans



this is a tru experience that just happened to me

How did the vegetables ask to be paid more?

Leetuce have a raisin celery

Why did the Raisin take a Prune to the Prom?

Because he couldn't find a Date!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane crashes on an island and three men survive...

After wandering the island for a day, they come across a group of natives. Luckily, one of the natives could speak their language, and offers the survivors a challenge.

"First, search our land and retrieve ten fruit. Return to my hut by sunset tomorrow with the fruit, and be prepared for the...

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

I asked my boss for a raise in pay

He replied, asking why I want raisins for as they already pay me peanuts. I told him I wanted to make trail mix.

I’ve started telling everyone I know about the benefits of dried fruit.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

I've got 40 raisins in my savings account

...oh no wait, that's my currant account.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to be smooth when asking a girl out

You: Hey buttercup, do you like raisins?

Her: No.

You: How about dates?

What's Hodor's favorite breakfast cereal?

Raisin Bran.

What do Ned Stark and Hodor talk about at breakfast?

Raisin’ Bran

What does Kellogg’s have in common with Ned and Catelyn Stark?

They’re both responsible for Raisin’ Bran.

Where can the most desperate men find dates?

In the grocery store, next to the raisins. <.<

What was Ned Stark's favorite part of the morning?

Raisin' Bran.

I never had a date

I never had a date.
Do they taste like raisins?

The bus journey

A man is going on a holiday. He is sitting in front of two old ladies who are talking away. He gets offered some raisins by one of them and she hands him a handful of raisins to which he eats up. 10 min later he gets offered the same again. This goes on for the next hour. He starts getting confused ...

A husband and wife are getting dressed to go out to dinner

As the woman is making herself up in the mirror she grimaces at her reflection and turns to her husband.

"Why have the years been so cruel to me? With each passing day I get even more old and ugly. The lines on my face run as deep as river beds. My lips are as shriveled as raisins. My onc...

How to stop being intimidated by dates

Just think of them as big raisins.

If Bran dies and a white walker brings him back...

Is he Raisin Bran?

How did Eddard Stark get his daily recommended amount of fiber?

Raisin' Bran.

I only eat certain types of oatmeal cookies

because raisins.

What does Hodor start off his day with?

Raisin' Bran.

I found a recipe for a fruit curry that I wanted to try out.

I made a list of all the ingredients that I needed and headed to the shop. I picked up some rice, some mango chutney, some curry powder and some raisins.

Upon returning I checked my list again to make sure that I had gotten everything that I needed. To my dismay, the recipe had called for sul...

I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect...

...but they fried me for no raisin.

Two young boys went to a bread store...

Two young boys went to a bread store. One boy asks the pretty clerk if he could get some raisin bread, she climbs up a ladder to grab the boy a loaf of raisin bread. While she’s up on the ladder, the boy notices that the clerk wasn’t wearing underwear. The boy whispers and points this out to the oth...

No way Jose! Another? I can Harvey believe it. Irma find somewhere safer to live.

The local chicken shack changed its name in honor of the occasion. They're now Raisin HurriCanes.

What did the cookie farmer say?

"I've been raisin' cookies."

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading....

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.






What do you call that same fly without legs?


A raisin.

John the employee

John, a very experienced employee, was once having a drink with his boss, and found it a great opportunity to discuss a subject he has always been thinking about.

"Can I get a raise in salary?" John gently asked.

After a moment of thinking, the boss replied: "Of course! No one could re...

what do you call a gang made up of cookies?

oatmeal raisin hell

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