What does the baking soda say when he gets sad?

I'm sodapressed.

Was just watching the Great British Baking Show

The entire series feels like an apology for sending us Gordon Ramsay.

What do baseball and baking a cake have in common?

It's all about the batter

Tom is lying on his deathbed while his wife is baking a cake in the kitchen

"Oh please Marie, can you give me a slice of that cake?"

"No," says his wife stern, "that's for after the funeral!"

People are so sad I’m not entering the baking contest this year

Even their cakes are in tiers.

Why did the baker take a 24 hour break from baking bread?

It was his cake day!

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[NSFW] Baking cakes

A teenage boy wants to have sex with his girlfriend, but tells his parents that she's coming over to help him bake cakes while they're at work.

After doing the deed and spending some time with her, he walks her home before returning to his own house, his younger brother having arrived home i...

So I was baking a premade pie and the instructions told me to put it in the oven at 180 degrees.

Now I'm left with an upside down pie in an oven.

An old man lay dying… (long)

He’d led a good life but now it was close to the end. He mentally replayed the years - all the good experiences and some of the hardships.

Suddenly he smelled a smell from his childhood. Yes! It was the smell of chocolate chip cookies baking. What great memories he had of hid mother bak...

Did you hear about that new Netflix series about a chemistry teacher that finds out he has cancer and secretly opens a bakery to provide for his family when he's gone?

It's called Baking Bread.

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

Why did the white supremacist start a baking company?

Because his family had a long history of being in bread.

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The little red man joke.

The little white woman was busy baking a cake. Only as she reached around in her little white cupboards she realised she had no sugar for her little white cake. Not to be disheartened she decided to wander next door to her neighbour, the little green man, to see if he would be kind enough to lend he...

Me and my sisters are baking bread for our sick grandmother. I’m the one responsible for making sure the bread rises but hey,

it’s the yeast I can do.

What does bread do after it's done baking?

Loaf around.

Did you know the baking soda packets are training their children to be police officers?

Yeah, they're raising agents.

Coming up with a good joke is a lot like baking a cake.

I can't do either.

What's the Hindu God of baking?

Ganache

A man comes home, sees his wife cooking and says “watcha makin?”

The wife says “I’m baking a cake in honor of a famous Jamaican. It will have his face on it”.

The man says “yeah I know that. I asked ‘what Jamaican?”

What do you call it when someone illegally bakes bread?

Baking Bad

The Oblivious Miner

A miner moves out to Colorado. Having spent a few years in California, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dusk 'til dawn in the mines, and then from dawn 'til dusk drinking, playing card games and occasionally have some great night with them lady(or ladies).
...

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A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach.

A gorgeous blonde was walking past him, stopped for a second with a tang of pity in her eyes.

“Have you ever had a hug?” She asked.
“No.”
So with an “aww”, she gave him a big hug.

Two minutes later, another beautiful woman was walking past the man.

“Aw look at you honey. ...

I met this really short man called Peter the other day. He's a baker and he was telling me all about baking flat breads...

It was fascinating....

I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete.

I'm bad at 2 things: Baking and making puns but...

I'll try my best to make you loaf

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A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head.

He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!”

His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Grandma what you just said!” The boy finds his grandmother and says, “Look Grandma, I’m a white boy!” His grandmother bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now...

Two muffins are sitting next to each other baking in an oven. One turns to the other and says, “Boy is hot in here, huh?”

The other muffin says, “GAAAAH WTF A TALKING MUFFIN!!!”

I was baking the other day and as I was baking, my Caribbean friend came into my kitchen with a slice of cake and asked, "Jamaican cake?" so I replied,

"No, I'm making a pie."

Quiche is like the fools gold of the baking world.

When you see it, you think it’s pie right?

Made this joke up at my great grandmother's house while she was baking today.

One day a baker is trying to sell his bread on the streets but nobody will buy it. He goes home and on the way meets a witch. The witch tells the baker, "I'll make your bread the most special bread in the world! No other bread will be like to bread you make, but you have to pay be 50 gold!"
The b...

So a young black boy walks in to the kitchen where his mother is baking, puts his hands in the flower covers himself in it and tells his mother "look I'm a white boy!"

His mother slaps him and tells him to show his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad I'm a white boy! " His father slaps him and tells him to show his grandmother.
He shows his grandmother and says "Look I'm a white boy! " She slaps him and sends him back to his mother.

...

Today in my chemistry lab, the teacher asked a kid to add 4 grams of baking soda to an ounce of vinegar. The moron instead added 4 ounces of baking soda to a pound of vinegar.

It was mass confusion.

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A mother baking in Somalia

One day a mother was baking bread in Somalia, when her son thought it would be awesome to play white. So he threw flour all over him and said "Mommy, look! I'm white".

His mother slapped him instantly and said "Go to your father and show him what you've done."
His father slapped him i...

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Man in hospital

A nurse goes into an older man's hospital room and asks the man, "What would you like for breakfast today?" The older man sits up and begins to describing what meal he would like to have brought out to him...

"I would like a glass of orange juice but instead of using a clean cup, I would like...

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TIL when baking for the holidays...

Don’t google creampies. Instead google cream pie recipes.

What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?

Bicarbonate of Yoda

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What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk?

A stomach cake!

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My Sisters From Another Mister

Its Little Johnny's 18th bday. He gets home and sees his mom baking a cake for him and cooking dinner. She says, "Happy birthday son" and gives him a hug and a kiss.
Dad comes home and says,. "Son go put on your best clothes because tonight you're going to become a man.Yep I'm taking you out t...

Baking and boxing are very similar

They both require you to beat until thick

What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave?

Then her name would be mozarella.

A man was baking Christmas cookies for his neighborhood, when he saw two women in a fight with hoses.

His original intent was to give one cookie to everyone, but these women, in their red coats, just couldn’t seem to decide between something.
He called the police thinking it had grown too serious. The police came, and the women were identified as the Raign family cousins and arrested.
Then h...

My wife has a peculiar cooking habit

So, my wife and I are newly weds, and she's a great cook, but I noticed she did something strange when preparing sausages. Just before she puts them in the skillet, she cuts off about an inch on both sides of the sausages.

After having witnessed this a couple of times, I asked her why she di...

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Why dont cows ever win baking contests?

Their pies taste like shit.

The Pillsbury Doughboy didn’t make it very far in the baking competition.

He just couldn’t rise to the occasion

A boy walks out of the toliet and into the kitchen where his mum was baking a cake

He asked "can I lick the bowl mummy?" And the mother replied "no flush it like anyone else"

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A little black boy was in the kitchen helping his mother baking...

the kid gets the flour and puts it all over his face and says, 'look momma, I'm a white boy'. His mother slapped him and told him to go to his father and show him what he's done.
So the kid goes to his father and says 'look poppa I'm a white boy'. The father punches him in disgust and sends him ...

I was banned from being a Scout leader after a baking mishap on a joint group weekend camping trip.

I fudged a Brownie.

A German, an Italian and a Chinese man arrive at a logging camp up north looking for work.

The boss sees the strapping young German and says, "you look strong and fit, here's a chainsaw, go join the fellers and help cut down some trees."
Next he looks at the Italian, a bit of a belly on him and looking well fed, and says, "You look like you know your way around the kitchen, go help in ...

I just took a Baking Class

The final was a piece of cake.

Baking a Cake

A father and his son take a trip to the zoo. They are walking around to each exhibit and soon realise they came to the zoo in the middle of mating season.

The son was very young and every exhibit throughout the day he asked his dad the same question. "Dad what are those animals doing?" "Oh d...

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I accidentally gave my dog some baking soda

Now she's a basic bitch.

Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?

To make them even more basic.

An existentialist, a nihilist, and an absurdist are baking cookies,

They've been at it for hours trying recipe after recipe, but they just can't get it right. Nothing they make tastes as good as they hope.

Eventually, the existentialist throws his hands up in despair. "Maybe we're going about this all wrong. Maybe we just need to accept that taste is subjecti...

I have a super secret baking recipe for bread

...Unfortunately it's on a knead to dough basis

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How is baking bread and having sex the same?

Things go to shit if you don't pull out in time...

If you can form this joke in a better way than I did, please do.

Why was the ninja so good at baking pastries?

Because he had a black belt in martial tarts.

Why are you baking octopus?

So I can get octopi.

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