What does the baking soda say when he gets sad?

I'm sodapressed.

What do baseball and baking a cake have in common?

It's all about the batter

People are so sad I’m not entering the baking contest this year

Even their cakes are in tiers.

Was just watching the Great British Baking Show

The entire series feels like an apology for sending us Gordon Ramsay.

Tom is lying on his deathbed while his wife is baking a cake in the kitchen

"Oh please Marie, can you give me a slice of that cake?"

"No," says his wife stern, "that's for after the funeral!"

I used to have a great joke about baking, and then I ruined it

I should never have left that pun in the oven.

Why did the baker take a 24 hour break from baking bread?

It was his cake day!

So I was baking a premade pie and the instructions told me to put it in the oven at 180 degrees.

Now I'm left with an upside down pie in an oven.

I don't know if this one has been said but here goes.

As a necromancer you need hobbies. I've chosen baking because it's weirdly very similar. With a little ritual... I raise the bread.

My 10yo brother is a baker

My brother just started baking and told me this:

“I’ve gotten so good at baking so fast! Wanna know why?”

Me: “Why?”

“ITS A PIECE OF CAKE!”

Happy cake day to me!

Did you know the baking soda packets are training their children to be police officers?

Yeah, they're raising agents.

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[NSFW] Baking cakes

A teenage boy wants to have sex with his girlfriend, but tells his parents that she's coming over to help him bake cakes while they're at work.

After doing the deed and spending some time with her, he walks her home before returning to his own house, his younger brother having arrived home i...

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My vodka Christmas cake recipe

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4...

An old man lay dying… (long)

He’d led a good life but now it was close to the end. He mentally replayed the years - all the good experiences and some of the hardships.

Suddenly he smelled a smell from his childhood. Yes! It was the smell of chocolate chip cookies baking. What great memories he had of hid mother bak...

Why did the white supremacist start a baking company?

Because his family had a long history of being in bread.

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A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach.

A gorgeous blonde was walking past him, stopped for a second with a tang of pity in her eyes.

“Have you ever had a hug?” She asked.
“No.”
So with an “aww”, she gave him a big hug.

Two minutes later, another beautiful woman was walking past the man.

“Aw look at you honey. ...

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

Me and my sisters are baking bread for our sick grandmother. I’m the one responsible for making sure the bread rises but hey,

it’s the yeast I can do.

Did you hear about that new Netflix series about a chemistry teacher that finds out he has cancer and secretly opens a bakery to provide for his family when he's gone?

It's called Baking Bread.

What does bread do after it's done baking?

Loaf around.

What do you call it when someone illegally bakes bread?

Baking Bad

Coming up with a good joke is a lot like baking a cake.

I can't do either.

Baking is a weird profession

Loafing on the job can get you a raise.

I met this really short man called Peter the other day. He's a baker and he was telling me all about baking flat breads...

It was fascinating....

I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete.

What's the Hindu God of baking?

Ganache

I'm bad at 2 things: Baking and making puns but...

I'll try my best to make you loaf

Quiche is like the fools gold of the baking world.

When you see it, you think it’s pie right?

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A mother baking in Somalia

One day a mother was baking bread in Somalia, when her son thought it would be awesome to play white. So he threw flour all over him and said "Mommy, look! I'm white".

His mother slapped him instantly and said "Go to your father and show him what you've done."
His father slapped him i...

A man comes home, sees his wife cooking and says “watcha makin?”

The wife says “I’m baking a cake in honor of a famous Jamaican. It will have his face on it”.

The man says “yeah I know that. I asked ‘what Jamaican?”

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A trick to baking tender chicken breasts is to beat the meat until it's soften.

Dudes: Beat mine a few minutes ago but the chicken is still as hard as a rubber!

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The little red man joke.

The little white woman was busy baking a cake. Only as she reached around in her little white cupboards she realised she had no sugar for her little white cake. Not to be disheartened she decided to wander next door to her neighbour, the little green man, to see if he would be kind enough to lend he...

The Oblivious Miner

A miner moves out to Colorado. Having spent a few years in California, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dusk 'til dawn in the mines, and then from dawn 'til dusk drinking, playing card games and occasionally have some great night with them lady(or ladies).
...

So a young black boy walks in to the kitchen where his mother is baking, puts his hands in the flower covers himself in it and tells his mother "look I'm a white boy!"

His mother slaps him and tells him to show his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad I'm a white boy! " His father slaps him and tells him to show his grandmother.
He shows his grandmother and says "Look I'm a white boy! " She slaps him and sends him back to his mother.

...

I was baking the other day and as I was baking, my Caribbean friend came into my kitchen with a slice of cake and asked, "Jamaican cake?" so I replied,

"No, I'm making a pie."

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TIL when baking for the holidays...

Don’t google creampies. Instead google cream pie recipes.

Made this joke up at my great grandmother's house while she was baking today.

One day a baker is trying to sell his bread on the streets but nobody will buy it. He goes home and on the way meets a witch. The witch tells the baker, "I'll make your bread the most special bread in the world! No other bread will be like to bread you make, but you have to pay be 50 gold!"
The b...

What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave?

Then her name would be mozarella.

What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?

Bicarbonate of Yoda

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A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head.

He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!”

His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Grandma what you just said!” The boy finds his grandmother and says, “Look Grandma, I’m a white boy!” His grandmother bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now...

What is Mark Ronson's favorite baking ingredient?

Dough dough dough, dough dough dough, dough dough

Two muffins are sitting next to each other baking in an oven. One turns to the other and says, “Boy is hot in here, huh?”

The other muffin says, “GAAAAH WTF A TALKING MUFFIN!!!”

Today in my chemistry lab, the teacher asked a kid to add 4 grams of baking soda to an ounce of vinegar. The moron instead added 4 ounces of baking soda to a pound of vinegar.

It was mass confusion.

A boy walks out of the toliet and into the kitchen where his mum was baking a cake

He asked "can I lick the bowl mummy?" And the mother replied "no flush it like anyone else"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little black boy was in the kitchen helping his mother baking...

the kid gets the flour and puts it all over his face and says, 'look momma, I'm a white boy'. His mother slapped him and told him to go to his father and show him what he's done.
So the kid goes to his father and says 'look poppa I'm a white boy'. The father punches him in disgust and sends him ...

A man was baking Christmas cookies for his neighborhood, when he saw two women in a fight with hoses.

His original intent was to give one cookie to everyone, but these women, in their red coats, just couldn’t seem to decide between something.
He called the police thinking it had grown too serious. The police came, and the women were identified as the Raign family cousins and arrested.
Then h...

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Why dont cows ever win baking contests?

Their pies taste like shit.

An existentialist, a nihilist, and an absurdist are baking cookies,

They've been at it for hours trying recipe after recipe, but they just can't get it right. Nothing they make tastes as good as they hope.

Eventually, the existentialist throws his hands up in despair. "Maybe we're going about this all wrong. Maybe we just need to accept that taste is subjecti...

The Pillsbury Doughboy didn’t make it very far in the baking competition.

He just couldn’t rise to the occasion

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What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk?

A stomach cake!

Baking and boxing are very similar

They both require you to beat until thick

Baking

Did you hear about the baker who tried to bake bread with out yeast?

..He got naan

I was banned from being a Scout leader after a baking mishap on a joint group weekend camping trip.

I fudged a Brownie.

I just took a Baking Class

The final was a piece of cake.

Baking a Cake

A father and his son take a trip to the zoo. They are walking around to each exhibit and soon realise they came to the zoo in the middle of mating season.

The son was very young and every exhibit throughout the day he asked his dad the same question. "Dad what are those animals doing?" "Oh d...

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I accidentally gave my dog some baking soda

Now she's a basic bitch.

I have a super secret baking recipe for bread

...Unfortunately it's on a knead to dough basis

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How is baking bread and having sex the same?

Things go to shit if you don't pull out in time...

If you can form this joke in a better way than I did, please do.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man in hospital

A nurse goes into an older man's hospital room and asks the man, "What would you like for breakfast today?" The older man sits up and begins to describing what meal he would like to have brought out to him...

"I would like a glass of orange juice but instead of using a clean cup, I would like...

My wife has a peculiar cooking habit

So, my wife and I are newly weds, and she's a great cook, but I noticed she did something strange when preparing sausages. Just before she puts them in the skillet, she cuts off about an inch on both sides of the sausages.

After having witnessed this a couple of times, I asked her why she di...

Why was the ninja so good at baking pastries?

Because he had a black belt in martial tarts.

My girlfriend’s at home tonight, baking.

So hopefully the police don’t look in the oven and find her.

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