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Baking Jokes

What does the baking soda say when he gets sad?

I'm sodapressed.

What do baseball and baking a cake have in common?

It's all about the batter

What should you do when you want to try something different with your baking?

Take a whisk.

Did you know the baking soda packets are training their children to be police officers?

Yeah, they're raising agents.

People are so sad I’m not entering the baking contest this year

Even their cakes are in tiers.

I used to have a great joke about baking, and then I ruined it

I should never have left that pun in the oven.

What do baking and BDSM have in common?

They both involve lots of beating and whipping

Ina Garten said she bakes dishes 10 times before baking them for guests.

Must be nice to have all that dough.

Why did the baker take a 24 hour break from baking bread?

It was his cake day!

Why did the white supremacist start a baking company?

Because his family had a long history of being in bread.

This morning I accidentally put baking soda in my wife’s coffee instead of sugar. She didn’t seem to mind though.

She’s basic.

Tom is lying on his deathbed while his wife is baking a cake in the kitchen

"Oh please Marie, can you give me a slice of that cake?"

"No," says his wife stern, "that's for after the funeral!"

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[NSFW] Baking cakes

A teenage boy wants to have sex with his girlfriend, but tells his parents that she's coming over to help him bake cakes while they're at work.

After doing the deed and spending some time with her, he walks her home before returning to his own house, his younger brother having arrived home i...

NSFW On a baking hot day, the Pope steps into the shower to cool down.

He is overcome by the urge to bang one out, and just as he releases the holy seed he sees a flash of reflected sunlight across the street through the open window and realises someone has been taking photos.
Furious, he gets on his shower intercom and demands the Swiss Guard find the photographer ...

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A mother baking in Somalia

One day a mother was baking bread in Somalia, when her son thought it would be awesome to play white. So he threw flour all over him and said "Mommy, look! I'm white".

His mother slapped him instantly and said "Go to your father and show him what you've done."
His father slapped him i...

What type of flour do orphans use for baking?

Self-raising flour.

What does Mike Tyson, after he's finished baking, have in common with Walter White?

A methy kitchen.

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self aware baking beings

Two muffins are baking in the oven when one turns to the other and says "man it is so hot in here today" and the other muffin says "holy shit a talking muffin!"

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

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A little black boy was in the kitchen helping his mother baking...

the kid gets the flour and puts it all over his face and says, 'look momma, I'm a white boy'. His mother slapped him and told him to go to his father and show him what he's done.
So the kid goes to his father and says 'look poppa I'm a white boy'. The father punches him in disgust and sends him ...

Years ago when I was a teenager I had a summer job at a petrol (gas) station

Years ago when I was a teenager I had a summer job at a petrol station …. Back in those days it wasn’t self service , so my job was to put petrol in cars when a customer arrived.

I always remember this one particular day when an old chap pulled in and said he wanted a fill-up. Then he got out...

What does bread do after it's done baking?

Loaf around.

Coming up with a good joke is a lot like baking a cake.

I can't do either.

I'm bad at 2 things: Baking and making puns but...

I'll try my best to make you loaf

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A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach.

A gorgeous blonde was walking past him, stopped for a second with a tang of pity in her eyes.

“Have you ever had a hug?” She asked.
“No.”
So with an “aww”, she gave him a big hug.

Two minutes later, another beautiful woman was walking past the man.

“Aw look at you honey. ...

My wife has been sleeping around with other men. Our church pastor is coming over tonight to offer advise. My wife is baking cookies but I'm embarrassed because the cookies are...

Ho-made

So I was baking a premade pie and the instructions told me to put it in the oven at 180 degrees.

Now I'm left with an upside down pie in an oven.

Was just watching the Great British Baking Show

The entire series feels like an apology for sending us Gordon Ramsay.

A woman dies and finds herself at the gates to haven.

When she gets there, she is confused as she saw how many others are standing and sitting outside, cracking eggs, mixing batter, and baking something.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every...

I just took a Baking Class

The final was a piece of cake.

What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave?

Then her name would be mozarella.

Quiche is like the fools gold of the baking world.

When you see it, you think it’s pie right?

Made this joke up at my great grandmother's house while she was baking today.

One day a baker is trying to sell his bread on the streets but nobody will buy it. He goes home and on the way meets a witch. The witch tells the baker, "I'll make your bread the most special bread in the world! No other bread will be like to bread you make, but you have to pay be 50 gold!"
The b...

Baking a Cake

A father and his son take a trip to the zoo. They are walking around to each exhibit and soon realise they came to the zoo in the middle of mating season.

The son was very young and every exhibit throughout the day he asked his dad the same question. "Dad what are those animals doing?" "Oh d...

I have a super secret baking recipe for bread

...Unfortunately it's on a knead to dough basis

The Pillsbury Doughboy didn’t make it very far in the baking competition.

He just couldn’t rise to the occasion

So a young black boy walks in to the kitchen where his mother is baking, puts his hands in the flower covers himself in it and tells his mother "look I'm a white boy!"

His mother slaps him and tells him to show his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad I'm a white boy! " His father slaps him and tells him to show his grandmother.
He shows his grandmother and says "Look I'm a white boy! " She slaps him and sends him back to his mother.

...

What's the Hindu God of baking?

Ganache

I met this really short man called Peter the other day. He's a baker and he was telling me all about baking flat breads...

It was fascinating....

I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete.

A boy walks out of the toliet and into the kitchen where his mum was baking a cake

He asked "can I lick the bowl mummy?" And the mother replied "no flush it like anyone else"

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A trick to baking tender chicken breasts is to beat the meat until it's soften.

Dudes: Beat mine a few minutes ago but the chicken is still as hard as a rubber!

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TIL when baking for the holidays...

Don’t google creampies. Instead google cream pie recipes.

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A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head.

He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!”

His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Grandma what you just said!” The boy finds his grandmother and says, “Look Grandma, I’m a white boy!” His grandmother bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now...

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Why dont cows ever win baking contests?

Their pies taste like shit.

What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?

Bicarbonate of Yoda

I was banned from being a Scout leader after a baking mishap on a joint group weekend camping trip.

I fudged a Brownie.

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What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk?

A stomach cake!

Baking is a weird profession

Loafing on the job can get you a raise.

Today in my chemistry lab, the teacher asked a kid to add 4 grams of baking soda to an ounce of vinegar. The moron instead added 4 ounces of baking soda to a pound of vinegar.

It was mass confusion.

Baking and boxing are very similar

They both require you to beat until thick

An existentialist, a nihilist, and an absurdist are baking cookies,

They've been at it for hours trying recipe after recipe, but they just can't get it right. Nothing they make tastes as good as they hope.

Eventually, the existentialist throws his hands up in despair. "Maybe we're going about this all wrong. Maybe we just need to accept that taste is subjecti...

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I accidentally gave my dog some baking soda

Now she's a basic bitch.

How do you know that a blonde is baking chocolate chip cookies?

All the m&m shells on the floor.

Why was the ninja so good at baking pastries?

Because he had a black belt in martial tarts.

My wife is really mad at me because I accidentally handed her washing soda instead of baking soda.

It left her foaming at the mouth.

My girlfriend’s at home tonight, baking.

So hopefully the police don’t look in the oven and find her.

I forgot to buy baking paper

Looks like my cooking will be foiled again...

The man from the bank would repeatedly come into my home when I was baking.

He'd mix my cake batter with a spatula, tell the same old joke, then walk out with a bunch of my stuff. Again and again.

A typical repo stir.

I'm not very good at baking...

my friend said to stick with it dough, it'll pan out in the end.

A woman was baking a cake...

When she heard the oven timer go off, she turned to her daughter, and asked her to check to see if the cake was done.

"I don't know how to check," the girl replied.

"Well," said the mother, "you take the cake out of the oven, and stick a knife in the center. If the knife comes out clea...

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How is baking bread and having sex the same?

Things go to shit if you don't pull out in time...

If you can form this joke in a better way than I did, please do.

I started using kosher yeast in all my baking

Now my bread rises 3 days later

I understand why bakers are addicted to baking bread.

Sometimes they just knead it.

Did you hear about the guy who needed to snort a line of baking soda every day?

He was basically addicted.

Baseball baking

What's the difference between a baseball cupcake and a baseball muffin...

The batter

The Indian baking festival was kind of a bust.

It was a naan event.

A father asked his son how baking school was going

"I knead some dough."

What did the Catholic baker say after baking the Easter Eucharist?

He is risen.

A miner moves out west to California...

A miner moves out west to California. Having spent a few years in Colorado, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dawn 'til dusk in the mines, and then up from dusk 'til dawn drinking and playing card games.

So, to his surprise, when he moves to Bluster's Bl...

A Woman Brings Some Bread To Work... [OC] [long]

A woman works in the Editorial Office of a newspaper and brings in a large, fresh loaf of bread. She puts it in the break room, where eight or so "old boys" are sitting around drinking coffee. She says, "My husband is learning to bake and made this bread, but he made a mistake--"

But at that ...

Chemistry joke.

A Chinese chemist took part in a chef competition in UK. His English was barely passable during the presentations, but his cooking skills were great, and he went on qualifying. In the last round, he got tied with another contestant for the first place. So an innovative tie-breaker was devised. Each ...

I knew a guy obsessed with baking pastries.

He was a real dough-nut.

My cousin died recently in an accident at the bakery....

He always said he wanted me to be a baker too, he told me I was bread for baking. I never tried it because I wanted to do it for the right reasons, not just because I knead the dough... then I found out that he was killed... a new baker put too much yeast in a large batch of dough and it rose too mu...

A mexican boy with the desire to be white

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.

He says, "Mom, look, I'm a white boy!" His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father."

He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look...

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