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A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery. The Arab immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, “See how good I am? The owner didn’t see a thing.” The Jew says to the Arab, “That’s typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.”

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.” Intri...

What did the pastry chef say to his boss to get a raise?

I knead dough

What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?

Doughnut hole me back.

What do you call a pirate who is made out of pastry dough?

Pierate

A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.

He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.

Two men walk into a pastry shop.

While the clerk is busy, on man, Don, reaches behind the glass cover and grabs three pastries and stuffs them in his pocket.

"See how easy this is?" Don says to John. I've never paid for a pastry in fifteen years, and I come here every day. I'd like to see you beat that."

John accepts ...

Which pastry is the most religious?

The donut.
Its holiness cannot be denied.

What do you call the first person to put a fruit filled pastry on the side of their head?

A Pieonear

Did you hear about the Brit who had developed a pastry addiction?

He became a total sconer

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What’s the difference between a poorly baked pastry dish and a cash-grabbing prick?

One’s a shit pie and the other’s Ajit Pai.

On a visit to New York, an Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman, "You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishman, "Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishm...

Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?

He'll dessert you!

People always ask me what’s the best pastry

I tell them it’s quiche but with a special ingredient and it’s best at a certain time of the year but they never believe me

No one expects the Spinach in Quiche Season

Why did the pastry chef poison his pet parakeets?

He was trying to kill 2 birds with 1 scone.

Did you notice the pastry factory is always hiring?

They must have a high turnover-rate.

You hear about the highly-productive pastry factory that has trouble retaining employees?

It has a high turnover rate.

What was your favourite pastry that Grammar used to make?

Mine was the delicious synonym rolls and my adjective was to eat at least half of them off the plate

You wouldn't think that a pastry frosting made from magical trees would be very good,

but it's actually enticing!

Did you hear the one about the baker who dominated the pastry competition through determination and superior sugar content?

He went in all buns glazing.

An old Jedi master named Ben stole Luke Skywalker’s last pastry.

Angrily, Luke shouted after him as he ran away, “Hey, you Owe Me One Canoli!”

My sister is an expert pastry-maker.

She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.

My pastry factory has been pretty successful...

So far we've had a good turnover.

What do you call a deep thinking pastry chef?

A filosopher.

What is Chris Brown's favorite pastry mix?

Brownie batter

Trump and Hillary walk into a pastry shop

Hillary whispers to trump "Look look.."

Grabs 3 cupcakes and sticks them in her pocket

Trump is shocked "What are you doing ? that's theft ! just watch and learn"

Trump calls the clerk "listen, if you give me a cupcake, ill show you an amazing magic trick", Intrigued, the clerk ...

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

If a chocolatier and a pastry chef have a child together, will they also make delicious food?

Not Nestle Sara Lee

You would think that you would be a better pastry chef

With all the creampie videos I watch...

There was once a pastry competition...

Many bakers submitted their desserts to the contest, but the judges were torn between two Italian chefs' pastries.

They said to the chefs, "We would love for both of you to win... *But there cannoli be one."*

Why am I scared of french pastry chefs?

They give me the crepes.

What do you get if you bake weed into apple pastry?

A high turnover.

What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?

One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.

My wife and I are following a Ketogenic, low carb diet plan, but this morning I cheated and had a donut for breakfast.

Oddly enough, when I came clean during dinner this evening, she seemed only upset about the pastry and not at all that I had slept with another woman.

A french pastry was stalking me this morning

I felt really creped out

What's a lawyer's favourite pastry?

Suet

What do you call it when a pastry kills another pastry?

Game of Scones.

At Indian Restaurant

"Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"
"Samosa?"
"No, thank you, I'm full now."

What do you call a pastry with an English degree?

A synonym roll

How did the pastry chef do on the donut-making exam?

She passed with frying crullers.

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Not my job award goes to...

So a woman walks into a room and flips the switch only to find that the light bulb is out. She goes to her husband and says "Hun, the light bulb is out. Can you fix it?" The husband responds with "Humph, I'm not an electrician!" Later the wife goes to the store and her tire pops. She then calls her ...

So HBO is making a drama about relatives conspiring against eachother to take control of the family pastry company

It's going to be called Game of Scones

Did you hear about the guy who broke 17 world records while sitting on a pastry?

He's on a roll!

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