Two men walk into a pastry shop.

While the clerk is busy, on man, Don, reaches behind the glass cover and grabs three pastries and stuffs them in his pocket.

"See how easy this is?" Don says to John. I've never paid for a pastry in fifteen years, and I come here every day. I'd like to see you beat that."

John accepts ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery. The Arab immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, “See how good I am? The owner didn’t see a thing.” The Jew says to the Arab, “That’s typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.”

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.” Intri...

What do you call 13 joints in a pastry box?

A bakers dozen

People always ask me what’s the best pastry

I tell them it’s quiche but with a special ingredient and it’s best at a certain time of the year but they never believe me

No one expects the Spinach in Quiche Season

Did you hear about the Brit who had developed a pastry addiction?

He became a total sconer

On a visit to New York, an Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman, "You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishman, "Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishm...

A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.

He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.

You wouldn't think that a pastry frosting made from magical trees would be very good,

but it's actually enticing!

Which pastry is the most religious?

The donut.
Its holiness cannot be denied.

What was your favourite pastry that Grammar used to make?

Mine was the delicious synonym rolls and my adjective was to eat at least half of them off the plate

What is Chris Brown's favorite pastry mix?

Brownie batter

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the difference between a poorly baked pastry dish and a cash-grabbing prick?

One’s a shit pie and the other’s Ajit Pai.

Why did the pastry chef poison his pet parakeets?

He was trying to kill 2 birds with 1 scone.

Did you hear the one about the baker who dominated the pastry competition through determination and superior sugar content?

He went in all buns glazing.

Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?

He'll dessert you!

An old Jedi master named Ben stole Luke Skywalker’s last pastry.

Angrily, Luke shouted after him as he ran away, “Hey, you Owe Me One Canoli!”

My pastry factory has been pretty successful...

So far we've had a good turnover.

My sister is an expert pastry-maker.

She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.

You hear about the highly-productive pastry factory that has trouble retaining employees?

It has a high turnover rate.

Did you notice the pastry factory is always hiring?

They must have a high turnover-rate.

If a chocolatier and a pastry chef have a child together, will they also make delicious food?

Not Nestle Sara Lee

What do you get if you bake weed into apple pastry?

A high turnover.

What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?

One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.

There was once a pastry competition...

Many bakers submitted their desserts to the contest, but the judges were torn between two Italian chefs' pastries.

They said to the chefs, "We would love for both of you to win... *But there cannoli be one."*

You would think that you would be a better pastry chef

With all the creampie videos I watch...

What do you call a deep thinking pastry chef?

A filosopher.

What is Palpatine's favourite breakfast pastry?

Coruscant

How did the pastry chef do on the donut-making exam?

She passed with frying crullers.

Why am I scared of french pastry chefs?

They give me the crepes.

Did you hear about the guy who broke 17 world records while sitting on a pastry?

He's on a roll!

What do you call a person with a meat pastry on their ear?

Pioneer.

What do you call it when a pastry kills another pastry?

Game of Scones.

What's a lawyer's favourite pastry?

Suet

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Jew and an Arab walk into a bakery.

Once inside the Arab grabs three pastries and swiftly stashes them in his pocket. He then looks at the Jew with a prideful smile and says "See how sly I am?"
The Jew, being determined to crush the Arab's pride, walks up to the baker and says "If you give me a pastry I will show you a magic trick....

So HBO is making a drama about relatives conspiring against eachother to take control of the family pastry company

It's going to be called Game of Scones

My wife and I are following a Ketogenic, low carb diet plan, but this morning I cheated and had a donut for breakfast.

Oddly enough, when I came clean during dinner this evening, she seemed only upset about the pastry and not at all that I had slept with another woman.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a Buddhist monastery famous for their meals.

He goes in, and asks for the meal that the wealthiest people love, figuring that must be the best there. The head monk sadly inform him that they do not have the key ingredient, and that due to a religious vow they took, they cannot leave the monastery. Luckily, they tell him that if he can get the ...

A french pastry was stalking me this morning

I felt really creped out

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So there's this duck...

...and one day he's walkin down the street when he gets a huge craving for some donuts. So he goes to the bakery and walks in and says to the baker "hey man can i get a dozen donuts, half glazed and half boston creme?" And the baker's like "No, you can't. We don't serve ducks here." And the duck's a...

What do you call a pastry with an English degree?

A synonym roll

Why is is so hard for women to find career advancement opportunities at Greggs?

The Pastry-archy

Did you hear about the new pickle flavored bread?

So since Pickle flavor is in style now with sonics new pickle juice shake, I think I'm going to launch a line of pickle flavored pastry. I'm going to call it Dilldough.

The CIA lost track of its operative in Ireland “Murphy. ”

The CIA boss says, “All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he’s somewhere in Ireland. If you think you’ve located him, tell him the code words, “The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning. ” If it’s really him, he’ll answer, “Yes, and for mist at noon as well. ”

So the...

A man was walking into Starbucks for his daily coffee,

except this time there were a ton of birds, numbering in the thousands. He walked in and asked the barista, "Hey, what's up with all these birds?" The barista replied, "I'm not sure, but it's affecting our business. Tell you what, I'll give you a dollar for every bird you can kill. I've got some bur...

At Indian Restaurant

"Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"
"Samosa?"
"No, thank you, I'm full now."

A man starts a bakery

[Sorry if this joke sucks]

A man quits his tech career to pursue a life of pastry creation. After careful consideration, he picks the location, sources his ingredients, and crafts the recipes.

Everything seems in order, except for one strange fact: all his employees are hookers.
...

A donut walks into a church and approaches the priest...

"Excuse me, Father," the donut says, "I don't mean to trouble you, but I'm very interested in joining the clergy. I was hoping that you could give me some pointers."

The priest - after taking a moment to accept the fact that he's speaking with a pastry - offers a warm smile in response. "That...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Robert Plant, Paul McCartney, and Mick Jagger convene once a year to discuss all the great foods they've found travelling the globe on tour.

Robert is the first to excited reveal his 'big find'. He takes out a little pie tray from a brown paper bag and places it on the table.

"It's a pastry of some kind from Tanzania. It's akin to what we call a quiche, but uses yak cheese and quail eggs instead!"

"Fascinating" says Paul, w...

A man was watching a baker make pies...

After the baker rolled out the pastry, lined the pie plate, put in the filling he put on the top layer of pastry & carefully trimmed off the excess pastry. The baker then removed his upper dentures & proceeded to use them to tamp down the pastry around the circumference of the pie plate afte...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Not my job award goes to...

So a woman walks into a room and flips the switch only to find that the light bulb is out. She goes to her husband and says "Hun, the light bulb is out. Can you fix it?" The husband responds with "Humph, I'm not an electrician!" Later the wife goes to the store and her tire pops. She then calls her ...

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