Pastry Jokes - 59 Hilarious Pastry Jokes

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A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery. The Arab immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, “See how good I am? The owner didn’t see a thing.” The Jew says to the Arab, “That’s typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.”

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.” Intri...

What do you call a pastry that is yummy, tasty, and delicious?

A synonym roll.

An italian pastry chef was injured at work this friday

We Cannoli hope he makes a full recovery.

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What’s the difference between a poorly baked pastry dish and a cash-grabbing prick?

One’s a shit pie and the other’s Ajit Pai.

Why do we have Pop-Tarts and not Mom-Tarts?

Because of the Pastry-archy

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An Airbus 380 is flying across the Atlantic

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a jet fighter appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now ...

Why should you never mess with an Italian pastry chef?

Because he'll beat the foccacia.

French pastry bakers are scary.

They give me the crepes.

My sister is an expert pastry-maker.

She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.

‪I once ate a Danish pastry.

She’s an air hostess..‬

On a visit to New York, an Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman, "You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishman, "Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishm...

I was terrified to eat the pastry.

Turns out, its a piece of cake.

The world’s best dentist and the world’s worst pastry chef walk into a bar.

Being friends of the owner, he pours them both a drink and sits them down to catch up.

“How was your birthday?” He asks the dentist.

“It was like pulling teeth” he says with a smile.

Then the owner turns to the pastry chef.

“How was your divorce?”

“It was as easy a...

A duck walked up to a pastry store

And he said to woman running the store

"Hey, got any bread?"

The woman said,

"No we just sell cakes. But they're warm and they're fresh and they're all home-made. Can I get you a few?"

The duck said,

"Cake won't do."

Then he waddled away...

'Til the v...

What does an angel say at a pastry shop?

Donut be afraid

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A Jew and an Arab walk into a bakery.

Once inside the Arab grabs three pastries and swiftly stashes them in his pocket. He then looks at the Jew with a prideful smile and says "See how sly I am?"
The Jew, being determined to crush the Arab's pride, walks up to the baker and says "If you give me a pastry I will show you a magic trick....

My pastry factory has been pretty successful...

So far we've had a good turnover.

Two men walk into a pastry shop.

While the clerk is busy, on man, Don, reaches behind the glass cover and grabs three pastries and stuffs them in his pocket.

"See how easy this is?" Don says to John. I've never paid for a pastry in fifteen years, and I come here every day. I'd like to see you beat that."

John accepts ...

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A man enters a pharmacy and orders a box of Viagra

The pharmacist asks for about 10€ and gives him the meds. He opens the box, takes one, and pulls out a 500€ note to pay. The pharmacist doesn't have enough change to give him, so he offers to go to the bakery next door to get some bread and try to get the money changed and swiftly comeback.

I...

What do you call it when a pastry kills another pastry?

Game of Scones.

Which pastry is the most religious?

The donut.
Its holiness cannot be denied.

What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?

Doughnut hole me back.

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

what do you call a really small computer file full of pastry recipes?

Little bytes

My wife and I are following a Ketogenic, low carb diet plan, but this morning I cheated and had a donut for breakfast.

Oddly enough, when I came clean during dinner this evening, she seemed only upset about the pastry and not at all that I had slept with another woman.

What did the pastry say to the cake when they were in bed?

I'm crumbing!

A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.

He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.

There was once a pastry competition...

Many bakers submitted their desserts to the contest, but the judges were torn between two Italian chefs' pastries.

They said to the chefs, "We would love for both of you to win... *But there cannoli be one."*

The French baker's pastry shop collapsed on him

He was in a lot of pain.

What do you call a pastry made from forbidden fruit?

a SIN-pie!

Did you notice the pastry factory is always hiring?

They must have a high turnover-rate.

You hear about the highly-productive pastry factory that has trouble retaining employees?

It has a high turnover rate.

You wouldn't think that a pastry frosting would pair well with magical trees

but it's actually enticing!

Why did the pastry chef poison his pet parakeets?

He was trying to kill 2 birds with 1 scone.

What's a lawyer's favourite pastry?

Suet

Trump and Hillary walk into a pastry shop

Hillary whispers to trump "Look look.."

Grabs 3 cupcakes and sticks them in her pocket

Trump is shocked "What are you doing ? that's theft ! just watch and learn"

Trump calls the clerk "listen, if you give me a cupcake, ill show you an amazing magic trick", Intrigued, the clerk ...

You would think that you would be a better pastry chef

With all the creampie videos I watch...

People always ask me what’s the best pastry

I tell them it’s quiche but with a special ingredient and it’s best at a certain time of the year but they never believe me

No one expects the Spinach in Quiche Season

What do you call someone from Slytherin House who is really into French pastry?

Draco Mille-feuille.

What was your favourite pastry that Grammar used to make?

Mine was the delicious synonym rolls and my adjective was to eat at least half of them off the plate

I wrote a movie about a male sheep and his son enjoying a Hostess pastry.

I call it

*Ram, a Lamb, a Ding Dong*

Did you hear about the Brit who had developed a pastry addiction?

He became a total sconer

An old Jedi master named Ben stole Luke Skywalker’s last pastry.

Angrily, Luke shouted after him as he ran away, “Hey, you Owe Me One Canoli!”

What do you get if you bake weed into apple pastry?

A high turnover.

How did the pastry chef do on the donut-making exam?

She passed with frying crullers.

What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?

One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.

Did you hear the one about the baker who dominated the pastry competition through determination and superior sugar content?

He went in all buns glazing.

If a chocolatier and a pastry chef have a child together, will they also make delicious food?

Not Nestle Sara Lee

So HBO is making a drama about relatives conspiring against eachother to take control of the family pastry company

It's going to be called Game of Scones

What do you call the first person to put a fruit filled pastry on the side of their head?

A Pieonear

Despite my deathly egg allergy, I’ve managed to become the world’s greatest French pastry chef. All it takes is hard work, determination, and most importantly...

No des oefs.

I decided to bake every letter of the alphabet, when my first pastry gained sentience. It was very excited to be able to think and reason.

I guess it's a happy caked A for me!

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At a bakery

At a bakery there was two pastries talking to each other and really hitting it off. Eventually, it started getting really kinky. With one thing leading to another, they ended up doing each other. While this was happening, the female pastry says to the male "make sure you pull out in time". He replie...

A man comes home and his wife tells him to fix the broken table leg

The man replys:
"my dear, am I a carpenter?"

After three days, the man comes home and his wife tells him to fix the broken pipe in the bathroom, but the man replys:
"my dear, am I a plumber?"

After one week the man comes home and his wife tells him to fix the microwave o...

I walked into a cake shop in Glasgow…

…and there it was, the finest pastry case filled with a glorious yellow jelly and topped with the fluffiest beaten egg white. I didn't know what it was so I asked, "Is that a lemon tart or a meringue?"

"Aye, it is a lemon tart." The shopkeeper replied, "yer no wrang."

At Indian Restaurant

"Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"
"Samosa?"
"No, thank you, I'm full now."

Did you hear about the guy who broke 17 world records while sitting on a pastry?

He's on a roll!

A man needs a cake for his daughter's birthday.

He's not the richest of men, which puts the nicer cake shops out of the question. However, he's confident that he can figure something out.

Down the road from where he lives, an old Buddhist man owns a pastry store. He's a kind man, with reasonable prices and a perpetual smile on his face. Ho...

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A little old lady schedules a consultation with a high-class lawyer.

She says to the lawyer, “That bitch Linda from down the street stole my pastry recipe! Now she’s selling MY recipe at the church bake sale and telling everyone it’s hers! I want to file suit for theft of my intellectual property!”

The lawyer patiently hears her story, and replies, “Ma’am, I’m...

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