A baker decided to bake some muffins the afternoon

The baker was making some chocolate chip muffins for her and her one friend, after some time she putted the muffins into the oven and set to bake.

after several minutes,

the one muffin said: Good Grief it's hot in here!

the other muffin said: Good Grief, a talking muffin!?

What do you call it when someone illegally bakes bread?

Baking Bad

What’s the difference between a baked sweet potato and a flying pig?

One’s a heated yam...

Why do baked beans want to move to Queensland (Australia)

Because they all want to live in Cairns!

(a city in Queensland Australia, for non aussies)

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Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field o...

My wife baked me a cake and I told her I was sending it to Budapest.

She asked why Budapest.

I said I'd renamed my stomach Budapest

She asked why again

Because Budapest is the capital of Hungry.

She is divorcing me.

I decided to bake every letter of the alphabet, when my first pastry gained sentience. It was very excited to be able to think and reason.

I guess it's a happy caked A for me!

Me, to my neighbour: Sorry I ran over your cat when I was trying to back out. Here, I baked a cake for you.

My neighbour: You did WHAT?

Me: Baked a cake.

To your cake batter, slowly stir in the GPU and CPU and sprinkle crushed motherboard. Put in oven on bake.

Once done, serve and enjoy! PC cake.

A man walked into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him

### A man walked into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him

As he sat down, the waitress came over and asked for their orders. The man said, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke." Then he turned to the ostrich and asked, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," said the ostrich. ...

What do you call a half baked joke?

A pun in the oven.

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What do you call a cake baked by a prostitute?

Hoe Made

Just stole a freshly baked loaf of bread.

Call that a hot take.

My mums sister gets angry and bakes french pastries...

She’s a cross aunt.

The cops confiscated all my brownies at a bake sale.

Jokes on them, the weed was in the apple pie.

What’s the best temperature to bake pie?

360 degrees.

What do you call a dish when you baked more than one octopus?

An Octopi.

So this vampire wants to bake some cookies...

It's a gloomy day, and this vampire thinks some chocolate chip cookies will cheer him up. Now he's not much of a baker, so he decided to walk to the store from some of that fine, premade cookie dough. He's walking home, excited, and the weather's clearing up and the sun is coming out. It's turning ...

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a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school

he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted”

he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive”

he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved”

he went ba...

I was trying to bake an egg-based dish with fresh vegetables but my wife told me not to

I said “why don’t you like quiche”

Why are cookies called cookies, and bacon is called bacon, but you have to bake cookies and cook bacon?

It's like that Parkway / Driveway mess up, all over again!

Once upon a time, there was a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them but unfortunately they had always had very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry he thought to hims...

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Over the holidays, I'm participating in a pro-life bake sale

We'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes

How can you tell the difference between a can of soup and a can of baked beans?

Read the label.

I came up with a get rich quick scheme to sell Indian sourdough bread you bake at home

...but it turned out that plan was a Naan starter.

A customer walks into a bakery and orders a loaf of bread. As the baker wraps the loaf, the customer says, "You know, I bake my own bread at home, but they come out dense."

The baker looks up suspiciously and says, "Yeah, prove it."

My local Baker says he can bake 20 loaves of bread in one hour with one small oven...

I said prove it.

I just found out that the mascot for a famous brand of baked goods overdosed on opiates.

Pills bury doughboy.

What do you call a Jewish bread that the Black Panther bakes for Thor's party?

T'calla's challah for the Val'Halla gala.

Little Henry’s father

Little Henry was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thi...

I may not know how to bake toilet paper

But I do know how to brown one side.

John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts..

A classic in honor of my cake day!


John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,
"Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now".

He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written...

Here's a joke from the 80s

Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan are out to dinner. The waiter asks what the First Lady will have. She says, "I'd like the filet mignon, and a baked potato."

The waiter asks, "and the vegetable?"

Mrs. Reagan answers, "Oh, he'll have the same."

Church bake sale

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies Group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale, and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying ...

A baker bakes 73,247 baguettes in a year and sells each for $2.73. What does he make?

Bread.

I was going to bake a pie in honor of today.

But it would be irrational.

New Supermarket

A new supermarket opened in Phoenix. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.


When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. <...

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[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

What happens if a redneck bakes himself into a loaf?

He's inbread.

What’s baked every day and sells itself?

My sister.

What is a Klansman's favorite ingredient to bake with?

White flour

What does a witch use to bake cookies?

An Easy Bake Coven

How do you know the cookies you left to bake inside your hot car are good ?

The baby stopped screaming.

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My ex-prostitute grandma bakes the best cakes...

She tells me the secret is her homegrown yeast.

Three guys are sitting in a jail cell...

One guy is on PCP, one guy is on LSD, and the third guy is just baked out of his mind on weed.

The guy on PCP says “I have an idea on how to escape! I can bend these bars open with my hands”

“Yeah!” Says the guy in LSD... and when we get to the wall, I can shoot laser beams out of my e...

What do you call a Bakery run by a person with Parkinsons

A Shake’n’Bake

My grandmother bakes cookies the fastest

It literally takes her nanaseconds

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[NSFW] Baking cakes

A teenage boy wants to have sex with his girlfriend, but tells his parents that she's coming over to help him bake cakes while they're at work.

After doing the deed and spending some time with her, he walks her home before returning to his own house, his younger brother having arrived home i...

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Two muffins were getting baked

One muffin turns to the other and says "Is it, like, really hot in here, or is it just me...?"

The other looks over and shouts "Holy shit, a talking muffin!"

My sister told me she just baked some synonym buns...

I replied “you mean, just like the ones grammar used to make?”

Came home from work and my wife is crying.

What is it, honey?

She said I knew you'd be tired, so I baked you you're favorite, a cherry pie. But the dog ate it.

That's okay, dear. I'll buy you a new dog.

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What’s the difference between a poorly baked pastry dish and a cash-grabbing prick?

One’s a shit pie and the other’s Ajit Pai.

I found the perfect addition to any kitchen. Blend, mix, chop...even bake!

It's called a wife.

Ow! Dammit, that hurt! Apparently can throw really well too.

Did you hear about the French guy that got baked into a huge baguette?

He was in a lot of pain

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Since we're doing translations, here's one from Mexico:

On the first day back from summer vacation, the teacher asked the students what they did over the summer and if they got any nicknames.


Juan goes first: "I spent my summer working with my dad laying bricks!"
Teacher: "did you have a nickname?
Juan: "Yes, the brick mason's son"
...

I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies

They smell just like burned toast

What do orphans use to bake?

Self-raising dough.

A Baked Potato

I told my wife I wanted a baked potato, so she gave our autistic son some weed.

Baking

Did you hear about the baker who tried to bake bread with out yeast?

..He got naan

The brownies I started making in my easy bake oven in 1987

are done if anyone wants some.

I don't understand what's so hard about describing a single portion of a soft and sweet baked good.

Honestly, it's a piece of cake.

My girlfriend left me after I said she reminded me of our dessert, a baked Alaska.

Fire hot on the outside, but ice cold on the inside. I should have just said sweet.

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What did the French man bake his Japanese friend to say thanks?

An Ari-Gateau

I recently started working for a charity that convinces local supermarkets to give us their expiring baked goods to donate to refugees and the local homeless. We're working in conjunction with local churches to help distribute donations. All of us are there voluntarily, after all..

It's a naan-prophet organization.

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Why do women hate my baked goods?

I keep offering them cream pies, but they always respond with slapping me in the face!

Made this joke up at my great grandmother's house while she was baking today.

One day a baker is trying to sell his bread on the streets but nobody will buy it. He goes home and on the way meets a witch. The witch tells the baker, "I'll make your bread the most special bread in the world! No other bread will be like to bread you make, but you have to pay be 50 gold!"
The b...

A French internet cafe had to cancel a CS:GO tournament it was supposed to host, after someone stole all the baked goods.

The gamers said the baguette loss was intolerable.

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So there's a little girl at the zoo with her parents

The little girl see 2 monkeys fucking right so she asks her mom "What are they doing mommy? " the mom then says "They're baking a cake sweetheart "

Later on there way back home the little girl sees 2 dogs fucking she asks "What are they doing mommy?" Then the mom says " They are baking a cake...

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Did you know prostitutes can bake?

I was surprised too, but when I asked her for a creampie, she said she would make it happen!

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My Grandmother was excited to hear that some cookies at the bake sale were baked by genuine prostitutes

Grandma did always have a soft spot for ho-made products.

A baker gets caught stealing from the reigning champion the night before the Big Bake-off.

If you want to win, sometimes you got to take a whisk.

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A white man and a black man walk into a bakery

The white man immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the black, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The black man says to the white man, "That's typical of you white people. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

...

How many blondes do you need to bake a chocolat cake?

Three. One for the dough and two are peeling the M&Ms

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Trying to bake a cake, but they keep coming out undercooked and smelling like shit.

That's the last time I use a Dutch oven.

A friend told me she was going to bake some cookies to relieve some stress...

I told her, “that makes scents.”

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