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A Bear and a Blueberry Walk Into a Strip Club

And they both walk towards the same stripper. After a while, the bear turns over to the blueberry and says, "You know what, Richard, you and I are a lot more alike than we seem." The blueberry says, "How do you figure that, Bob?" and Bob says, "Well, as you can see, we both like our women plump and ...

I went to Dunkin Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box....

...I've been banned for life from that shop.

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led h...

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Blueberry Hill

So this is a joke I heard as a kid really too young to even get it. Sorry if it's a repost, I don't read anything but what comes up in my feed.

A teacher is taking roll in an old rural schoolhouse and realizes several of the students are missing. She isn't too worried as the rural nature of t...

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A group of friends was walking around the red light district and came across a sign that said “donuts.”

Hank turned to the other two, Joey and Carl, and said, “Guys, I heard about this! The girl puts a donut on your junk and then goes to town. It’s supposed to be the best thing you can do here. We should do it. It’s not like we’re going to get this chance again!”

Reluctantly, the other two agr...

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3 biologists are exploring an uncharted jungle...

... when suddenly they are seized by natives.

The natives tie them up and take the 3 men to the village where they are placed before the chieftain.

The chieftain says, “You have trespassed on our sacred land, and so, you must be punished. You have one chance to save yourselves from de...

Whenever I make chocolate chip or blueberry muffins, I make sure one muffin is just batter.

I like to play Muffin Roulette.

Finnish joke translated to English:

Two grandmas went into a blueberry. The other one didn't fit.

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A boy walks in late to class.

That day they have a substitute. She asks the boy "Where have you been, and why are you late?"
He says: "Sorry I was on Blueberry Hill."
and takes his seat. About 5 min later another boy comes in late.
The substitute asks " Where have you been, and why are you late?"
He says: "Sorry, I ...

Why can't blueberry bagels fly?

Because, then they would be plane bagels.

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Berries and Nuts

What you have when you have a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

What do you have when you have nuts in the wall?

Walnuts.

What do you have when you have nuts on your chest?

Chestnuts.

What do you have when you have nuts on your chin?

A dick in your mouth.

First time making muffins...

So, first time making blueberry muffins, and the recipe calls for 2 cup flour. The only measuring cups I have in the house are a 1/2 cup and a 1/3 so I actually had to take the time to do 4 halves.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

A joke I heard a while ago

So there’s this Cheerio. In cheerio-land, there are three kinds of people: original, blueberry, and honey nut. He desperately wants to be honey nut. So he goes to the tattoo shop, and the cheerio running it says he can become a blueberry cheerio first, but it’s gonna cost some money.

He star...

How do you make a blueberry?

You strangle a pea.

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Blueberry Hill

A kindergarten teacher is calling in students from recess when she notices several students are missing. A few minutes later, one of the students, a young boy, turns up in the class room.

"Why are you late?" the teacher asks.

"I was on top of Blueberry Hill" the boy replies, taking his...

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry

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I got this from a friend, don’t judge

One day, Johnny came in late to class. His teacher asked him why he was late, and he said that he was on Blueberry Hill.

The next day, Tommy came in late to class. His teacher asked him why he was late, and he said that he was on Blueberry Hill. The teacher thinks that is a weird coincidence....

So, as everyone knows, two different species (flavors) of cheerios cannot mate, right?

That is, if one is honey-nut and another is blueberry, they cannot mate. Anyway, there is this one normal cheerio that is in love with a blueberry cheerio. Unfortunately, he cannot mate with her. He can't even communicate with her because they are of different species. So, he invents a machine that ...

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At the end of school term, a teacher gives her students candy of different flavours

And each flavour has it's own unique colour,
Blueberry-dark blue
Strawberry-red
Etc.

And the teacher decides to have a joke, she gets out a new flavour that no-one tried yet, honey flavoured, and no-one in the class knew what it was.

So the teacher gives a hint saying "The fl...

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Young naive couple

A young naïve newlywed couple from rural China decided to move to America to start a new life with nothing but big dreams and the love for each other. They arrived at their new home in rural Minnesota, and although they were happy and still in love, the first couple of months were difficult. They ...

Teddy Roosevelt: what should we name the president's house?

**guy who named the blueberry:** what colour is it?

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A guy walks into Baskin Robbins

Walks up to the counter and asks the employee

"What all flavors do you guys have?"

The employee names off all 31 flavors and the guy says

"I'll take a pint of chocolate"

The employee says "I'm sorry sir but we don't have any chocolate"

The guy says "Hmm, well w...

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[Long] [NSFW] One warm autumn day,

A man walks into the patent office and slams a stack of papers down triumphantly. "I've bred apples that taste like different fruits, and furthermore, each half of an apple tastes different!"

The patent clerk looks up in boredom, "Sure, sure... But I need to verify the truthfulness of this cl...

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A truck driver was driving down the road

He read a small sign nailed to a light pole that said “peaches that taste like everything and anything.” Curious, the truck driver drove down the road that the sign was nailed to and came across and old man with a little setup in front of a farm. The truck driver parked his truck and went over to ...

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A man is selling berries from a stand on the street.

One day, a woman walks up to the stand and asks the vendor, "Do you have tomatoes?"

"I'm sorry miss, but I only carry berries. I have these delisious blueberries picked fresh from the bush just this morning. Would you like to try some?" The vendor asked.

"Oh, no thanks" the woman repl...

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Three men survive a plane crash...

Three men survive a plane crash on what appears to be a deserted island. In short order however, they realize it's inhabited by a tribe of cannibals. Surrounded by savages and all hope fading fast, one of the men pleas for the lives of him and his fellow survivors. The chief ponders his pleas and ul...

A lady went to fake her death to fool her boyfriend, she bought some jam and prepared...

The boyfriend came home and immediately knew she was faking it.

The lady frowned and asked "How did you know?"

The man chuckled lightly and said "you used blueberry"

Did you know it's cheaper to buy pies in warm weather climates?

Cherry pie in Jamaica - $4.25
Blueberry pie in Cuba - $3.50

Those are some of the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

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Lolipops

There was a 1st grade teacher helping her students by giving them lolipops to develop their sense of taste. She handed out lollipops of the same flavor to each student. She then questioned them about the flavor of the lolipops. The class replied in unison "Strawberry!". She replied "Very good class"...

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2 friends shipwrecked on a desert island.....

....walking around trying to find help they got captured by a tribute living on that island. The chief of tribute , that is against all laughters, says to them:
"well.. I will give you ONE chance to get out from here alive, what you will need to do is: go into the jungle, and bring me back 50 fru...

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A lady walks in too an ice cream store.

A lady walks in to an ice cream store and asks the friendly guy behind the counter, "Could I get some chocolate ice cream please?" the man behind the counter says, "I am sorry ma'am, we are all out of chocolate ice cream." The lady looks around for a while then asks, "How about chocolate fudge ice c...

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The principal of a school stops by a teacher's room...

and tells her, "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, you're going to have three new students today, from out in the country."
The teacher prepares three new desks, and waits all morning, but no new students show up. That is, until one boy in a pair of overalls runs in at about 10:00 a.m. and say...

There Once Lived A Family of Moles on a Hill.

On morning Papa Mole woke up and walked to the entrance of the burrow. He was greeted with the most beautiful morning he had ever seen. The sunrise shone brightly and scents of spring wafted through the air.

"This is amazing!" Papa exclaimed "Ma! Come and see this! The morning's beautiful an...

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A substitute teacher was beginning her first class...

A substitute teacher is beginning her first class. Five minutes after it starts, a boy walks in. "Class started five minutes ago, why are you late?" The teacher asked. "I was on top of Blueberry Hill," He replied. The teacher shook her head at the boy and sent him to his desk.

Five minutes l...

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Why did everyone think the pie was gay?

Because he blueberry.

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Island of Cannibals

One day, three explorers landed on an island of cannibals. The king cannibal came up to them and said, "I am hungry. I will spare your lives if you each bring me 10 pieces of fruit." They quickly ran out and found fruit.

When the first explorer came back with 10 apples, the king cannibal told...

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Three guys are lost in a jungle

They run into a group of cannibals and out of fear, ask if there is anything they can do to avoid getting eaten. The leader of the cannibal group says, "Bring us back 10 pieces of a certain type of fruit. If you do, we will not only let you live, but tell you how to get out of the jungle and to safe...

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A man has an unfortunately sized penis...

And he doesn't have a lot of money. He goes to a doctor and says "Doc, please can you help me? My penis is so small, I don't know what to do!" The doctor says "Well yes, but the procedure is $10,000."
"Aw geez doc I could NEVER afford that!" he says defeated

The doctor replies "Well, if ...

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