This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

My doctor told me today that I was too sweet.

Well, her exact words were, "severely diabetic", but I knew what she meant.

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

What’s the difference between a baked sweet potato and a flying pig?

One’s a heated yam and the other’s a yeeted ham.

Short and sweet cannibal joke

Did you know cannibals don’t exist anymore... I ate the last one yesterday

What do you call sweet, little girls impaled on a pike?

Loli-pops

Just ordered Hong Kong style sweet and sour chicken from my local takeaway

4 police officers delivered it and fired tear gas through my front door.

Why do jewish people love breaking their fast with sweet potatoes?

So that they can properly celebrate Yam kippur.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife always keeps on talking to me while having sex. But her voice is really sweet.

The only problem is that sometimes she will call me even when I am in the middle of a meeting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet, little old lady walks into a bar frequented by the baddest biker gang around.

She walks up to the leader, a real mountain of a man, and say she wants to join. He can barely contain his laughter, and decides to have some fun with her before he tells her off.

"Do you even own a bike?" he asks.

"I do. It's parked right outside."

"Do you swear?"

"More ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, I've dating a really Sweet Korean girl...

I think she's my Seoul mate.

Edit: First Platinum thank you kind stranger!

One night while sweet talking before sleep.

The wife tells her husband. "I will make you the happiest man alive".

The husband replies, "I will miss you"

An elderly gentleman pulls up his sweatpants, shuffles into the bar, sidles up to a sweet young thing maybe one fourth his age, and with his most winning smile, asks

"Do I come here often?"
.
.
.
.
(New to me joke and I searched before I posted.)

I invited my girlfriend of 3 months to a party for my 13 year old nephew. She let out an audible "awww," told me how sweet I was and that my invitation meant the world to her.

Should've seen the look on her face when I told her it was a search party.

My best friend isn’t on reddit so I sent him an email with my latest post to r/jokes, subject: “Post for that sweet karma”. His response,

Re: post for that sweet karma

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

My wife was so sweet yesterday, she opened the car door for me...

Unfortunately we were doing 70

Sweet jeebus, this panda is hurt! Quick call the

bamboolance.

I had a date tonight. It was pretty sweet.

Next, I’m going to try a fig.

I asked a sweet old woman, “Excuse me, but can you tell me how to get to the hospital?”

She said, “Sure, honey.”

And pushed me under a bus...

Sweet dreams...

Sweet dreams are made of cheese

Who am I to diss a brie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The girl I met last night told me she just wanted something short and sweet.

Apparently covering my dick in caramel wasn’t what she meant.

“He looks just like his grandfather”—- a sweet thing to say about a new baby in most parts of the world.

In Alabama, it’s an accusation.

A sweet young girl entered a pet shop

and asked, "Do you have widdle wabbits?"


The shopkeeper knelt down, smiled and asked, "Do you want a widdle white wabby, or a thoft fuwwy bwack wabby, or a cute widdle bwown wabby?"


She put her hands on her hips and said quietly, "I don’t fink my pet python weally gives a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary and decided to take her to dinner.

A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary and
decided to take her to dinner. He called his wife to tell
her that he had to "work late" and she said, "no problem."

After dinner they went back to her apartment and had mad sex
for hours. On the way home he noticed a huge hick...

Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low?

She thought it was diet coke.

What type of sweet does a banker keep in his wastecoat?

InvestMints

My friend visited me months after I moved and said “sweet beard”. I said...

“Thanks, it’s growing on me”.

My boss pulled up to work in his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied:

"Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

I have a tattoo of a Russet potato on my right shoulder, and of a Sweet Potato on my left.

They are my Tater Tats

I don't understand what's so hard about describing a single portion of a soft and sweet baked good.

Honestly, it's a piece of cake.

Why is a bad Spanish swamp kind of sweet?

Because it's a marsh malo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friends very sweet mom told this one...

A newly married couple is preparing to embark on their honeymoon to Jamaica. Before they leave, the husband decides to prove his undying love for his lovely new bride by getting her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. After he gets back from the tattoo shop he noticed that while the tattoo reads Wen...

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

My friends know me as sweet, funny, and non-confrontational

And my enemies know me as sweet, funny, and non-confrontational

A sweet young girl walks into an elevator at Macy's, trailing a cloud of expensive perfume.

She brags to the elderly woman who was inside, Coco Chanel $900 per ounce.

The lift reaches the second floor where the old lady is about to get off. As she steps out of the elevator, she rips out a rumbling fart. Trailing a heavy cloud, she smiles sweetly and announces, broccoli, 49 cents a p...

I was sitting in the park today watching this sweet little old lady feed the birds

Then I thought: "I wonder how long she's been dead?"

Milton Jones.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you make a sweet old lady yell "go fuck yourself"?

Have another sweet old lady yell "BINGO".

"Home Sweet Home"?

This drywall tastes bitter as hell to me!

If genres were flavors SCI-FI would be sour, Fantasy would be sweet, Horror would be bitter, Mystery would be umami...

And Erotica would be salty.

A sweet and innocent young Italian girl

gets married, but the girl's mother lives downstairs. The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs.
"Momma, Momma," she cries. "I can't believe it! He has hair all over his chest ! What should I do ?"
The mot...

I used to have an obsession for sweet foods with a hole in the middle.

I donut care for them anymore though

How did Jesus get those sweet biblical abs?

Cross fit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was on a date and my girl asked me to tell her something sweet.

I said "Candy."

She said "No, I mean, something I'd like."

"Shoes."

"Noooo, something sexy."

"Your sister."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The children began to identify the flavours of the sweets by their colour.

Red.......... Raspberry

Yellow.......... Lemon

Green.......... Lime

Orange.......... Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all honey flavoured sweets, but none of the children could identify the flavour.

The teacher said, "I'll give you a clue, it's what your mother...

My dad went for a blood glucose level test, this was way back in the 90's. After the test procedure was done, the nurse said, " your blood glucose levels are very high." To which my dad said, " Oh sweet!"

God bless his soul

A sweet couple in their 80's...

A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man get...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.