As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

Short and sweet cannibal joke

Did you know cannibals don’t exist anymore... I ate the last one yesterday

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So, I've dating a really Sweet Korean girl...

I think she's my Seoul mate.

Edit: First Platinum thank you kind stranger!

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

My best friend isn’t on reddit so I sent him an email with my latest post to r/jokes, subject: “Post for that sweet karma”. His response,

Re: post for that sweet karma

Sweet Bliss

One of my friends is a vegan. And she just found out that she's suffering from Alzheimer's disease.

Now, it can be frustrating to deal with someone suffering from Alzheimer's.

But not in my case. She used to talk to me about some vegan BS every single day. But not anymore, now she can'...

An elderly gentleman pulls up his sweatpants, shuffles into the bar, sidles up to a sweet young thing maybe one fourth his age, and with his most winning smile, asks

"Do I come here often?"
.
.
.
.
(New to me joke and I searched before I posted.)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A sweet, little old lady walks into a bar frequented by the baddest biker gang around.

She walks up to the leader, a real mountain of a man, and say she wants to join. He can barely contain his laughter, and decides to have some fun with her before he tells her off.

"Do you even own a bike?" he asks.

"I do. It's parked right outside."

"Do you swear?"

"More ...

Sweet jeebus, this panda is hurt! Quick call the

bamboolance.

I invited my girlfriend of 3 months to a party for my 13 year old nephew. She let out an audible "awww," told me how sweet I was and that my invitation meant the world to her.

Should've seen the look on her face when I told her it was a search party.

I asked a sweet old woman, “Excuse me, but can you tell me how to get to the hospital?”

She said, “Sure, honey.”

And pushed me under a bus...

Sweet dreams...

Sweet dreams are made of cheese

Who am I to diss a brie...

“He looks just like his grandfather”—- a sweet thing to say about a new baby in most parts of the world.

In Alabama, it’s an accusation.

My wife was so sweet yesterday, she opened the car door for me...

Unfortunately we were doing 70

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The girl I met last night told me she just wanted something short and sweet.

Apparently covering my dick in caramel wasn’t what she meant.

A sweet young girl entered a pet shop

and asked, "Do you have widdle wabbits?"


The shopkeeper knelt down, smiled and asked, "Do you want a widdle white wabby, or a thoft fuwwy bwack wabby, or a cute widdle bwown wabby?"


She put her hands on her hips and said quietly, "I don’t fink my pet python weally gives a...

What type of sweet does a banker keep in his wastecoat?

InvestMints

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary and decided to take her to dinner.

A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary and
decided to take her to dinner. He called his wife to tell
her that he had to "work late" and she said, "no problem."

After dinner they went back to her apartment and had mad sex
for hours. On the way home he noticed a huge hick...

I had a date tonight. It was pretty sweet.

Next, I’m going to try a fig.

I don't understand what's so hard about describing a single portion of a soft and sweet baked good.

Honestly, it's a piece of cake.

Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low?

She thought it was diet coke.

My friend visited me months after I moved and said “sweet beard”. I said...

“Thanks, it’s growing on me”.

I have a tattoo of a Russet potato on my right shoulder, and of a Sweet Potato on my left.

They are my Tater Tats

Why is a bad Spanish swamp kind of sweet?

Because it's a marsh malo.

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friends very sweet mom told this one...

A newly married couple is preparing to embark on their honeymoon to Jamaica. Before they leave, the husband decides to prove his undying love for his lovely new bride by getting her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. After he gets back from the tattoo shop he noticed that while the tattoo reads Wen...

My friends know me as sweet, funny, and non-confrontational

And my enemies know me as sweet, funny, and non-confrontational

My boss pulled up to work in his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied:

"Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

Sweet dreams

My father used to tell me that to have a good night's sleep, he must insult dairy products, but he always felt it wasn't his place to yell at cheeses.

I never questioned him until one day I couldn't stand it anymore and asked him why he felt that way

He looked me in the eye and said: "...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you make a sweet old lady yell "go fuck yourself"?

Have another sweet old lady yell "BINGO".

"Home Sweet Home"?

This drywall tastes bitter as hell to me!

If genres were flavors SCI-FI would be sour, Fantasy would be sweet, Horror would be bitter, Mystery would be umami...

And Erotica would be salty.

A sweet young girl walks into an elevator at Macy's, trailing a cloud of expensive perfume.

She brags to the elderly woman who was inside, Coco Chanel $900 per ounce.

The lift reaches the second floor where the old lady is about to get off. As she steps out of the elevator, she rips out a rumbling fart. Trailing a heavy cloud, she smiles sweetly and announces, broccoli, 49 cents a p...

A sweet and innocent young Italian girl

gets married, but the girl's mother lives downstairs. The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs.
"Momma, Momma," she cries. "I can't believe it! He has hair all over his chest ! What should I do ?"
The mot...

I was sitting in the park today watching this sweet little old lady feed the birds

Then I thought: "I wonder how long she's been dead?"

Milton Jones.

drug-sniffing dog

Me: "Sweet dog you got there"

Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."

Me: "Still in training, huh?"

Policeman: "What do you mean?"

Me: "Nevermind"

I used to have an obsession for sweet foods with a hole in the middle.

I donut care for them anymore though

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The children began to identify the flavours of the sweets by their colour.

Red.......... Raspberry

Yellow.......... Lemon

Green.......... Lime

Orange.......... Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all honey flavoured sweets, but none of the children could identify the flavour.

The teacher said, "I'll give you a clue, it's what your mother...

My dad went for a blood glucose level test, this was way back in the 90's. After the test procedure was done, the nurse said, " your blood glucose levels are very high." To which my dad said, " Oh sweet!"

God bless his soul

How did Jesus get those sweet biblical abs?

Cross fit

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was on a date and my girl asked me to tell her something sweet.

I said "Candy."

She said "No, I mean, something I'd like."

"Shoes."

"Noooo, something sexy."

"Your sister."

What is the definition of bitter sweet?

Your Mother in law driving off a cliff in your brand new Corvette.

A sweet couple in their 80's...

A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man get...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

As I was leaving for work this morning, I saw that my dear, sweet wife left a card for me on the table. It said, "Get better soon!"

I'm not sick or anything, I'm just bad at sex...

A manager hired a new secretary and she was young, sweet and polite…

One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.

While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?”

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.

He dec...

What do sweet potatoes sleep in?

Their yammies.

I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law.

Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.

My mom doesn't like it when I eat a lot of sweets

So whenever she asks me how much I've had I just fudge the numbers.

John Candy offered John Goodman sweets

John: Candy?
John: Nah, I'm good, man.

There’s a sweet old couple happily living life.

One day the wife went in for a medical exam and when she came home she reported to her husband, "The doctor says I have the heart of a 50-year-old, lungs of a 40-year-old, and the blood pressure of a 25-year-old."

The huband replies, "Oh really? And what did he say about your 70-year-old ass?...

Anyone heard of the guy who gained 300 lbs just by drinking sweet tea?

I've heard he's a man-a-tea now.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I got a sweet piece of ass last night!

My finger broke through the toilet paper.

What is sweet and sticky and crosses the desert?

A caramel