What’s the cheapest meat you can buy?

Deer balls, they’re under a buck...

(Told to me by my 12yo son)

Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appear...

I tried wookie meat

It was chewy

I sat down to eat my turkey sandwich and my wife yells, "Enjoying your meat, you murderer?"

I only wish one day goes by without her mentioning the time I killed her mother

What's the favorite meat of Italian fratboys?

Brosciutto.

Vegans say whoever sells meat is disgusting, well

i say people who sell vegetables are grocer.

So I went in the butchers and he said " I bet you can't reach those two pieces of meat up on that high shelf" I answered "I don't bet" "Why" he asked...

"The stakes are too high"

A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling about ten or eleven feet in the air

So he goes up to the bartender and asks, “Why do you have all this meat hanging up everywhere?”

The bartender replies, “Well, we actually have a bit of a game we like to play here, a sort of challenge.”

The man, obviously intrigued, asks the bartender what the game is. So the bartender...

No dog meat please

Daddy, daddy, can we have a dog for Christmas? No, I think we'll have turkey as usual.

What kind of meat does a pope eat?

Nun

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What doesn't belong in this list: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob?

Blowjob.

You can beat your meat, eggs, or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

I used to tenderuse young goats meat

But everyone got upset when i told them i beat kids meat

I work in a meat market

Every day is a sausage party.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

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So it's a chilly morning in Brno, and everybody 's in line to buy meat.

They're waiting and waiting, and the line's not moving at all.

Eventually a Party official comes out and says "Due to the conspiracy of wreckers, there isn't enough meat. All the Jews need to get off the line".

So the Jews all get off the line and go home, but still everyone's waiting ...

What do you call jam made from deer meat?

Wildlife Preserve

Did you hear cheese and meat sales have gone up in India?

Apparently there is a New Delhi.

Flavored lube is technically meat seasoning if you think about it

Wouldn’t use it on the grill, though

People keeps sending me canned meat.

That's a lot of spam.

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What does tofu and a dildo have in common?

They’re both meat substitutes.

I would make a joke about meat.

But it's overdone.

I’ve decided to put an end to my addiction to deli meats.

I’m quitting cold turkey.

A hot dog vendor brings a homeless man to court for standing near the stand and enjoying the smell of the meat as he ate his bread. The judge is quite exasperated.

Judge: [to the homeless man] Do you deny this?

Homeless man: No, your honor.

Judge: Do you have any coins?

Homeless man: Just a few quarters, your Honor.

Judge: Give them here.

Homeless man: Your Honor, they're all I have!

Judge: That may be so, but pl...

Someone actually fed me clown meat.

So that's why it tasted real funny.

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So, I've been dating this one girl for a while now, and I've recently realized that she's been looking at me like a piece of meat.

This would be ok if it was sexual, but she's vegan.

In my last relationship I hated being treated like I was a piece of meat.

She was vegan, and refused to touch me.

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A hunter shoots a deer and brings it home.

A hunter shoots a deer and brings it home, and has his wife clean it and cook some of it for dinner. The wife then serves it to the family. She says to the children: "Can you guess what this meat is? As a clue, it's something I call your father."


"Don't eat it!" says one child to the othe...

Whats the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish it dies.

I was on a plane, sat next to a man, who had a large rucksack full of rotting animal meat.

He said it was his carrion luggage

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A Glaswegian is standing in a bus queue eating a meat pie and chips, and this little yappy dog keeps jumping up at him and begging.

So he says to the lady that's got the dog, "Hey there, is it OK if I throw your dog a bit?"

And when she says "Yes," he picks the dog up by the scruff and yeets the fucker thirty yards up the street.

What do you get when you cook a special type of meat south of the border, but then put off eating it until the next day?

Fillet mañana

My doctor found out I had an addiction to white meat sandwiches.

He told me I had stop cold turkey.

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A Russian farmer caught one of his cows masturbating. He slaughtered it and used the meat to invent a new dish.

He called it Beef Strokinoff.

What's the difference between sandwich meat and people from Alabama?

Nothing, they're both inbred.

One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. One was a Hindu and constantly berated the other for eating meat!

After stopping for a hot dog, the Hindu erupted "Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!"

The American replied "I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest)"

As they stepped off the curb a speeding car ca...

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder?

He got a little behind in his work.

A man walks into a bar and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling...

Confused, he asks the bartender "why do you have meat hanging from your ceiling?" The bartender says "I'm glad you asked, currently we have a challenge going on where if you can jump up and slap both pieces of meat with your hands I'll cover your tab for the whole rest of the night. However, if you ...

Were you guys at the Shakespearean meat party last night?

I hear it was Ham LIT

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!

"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!

"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.

And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of h...

Why does a donkey-meat lover make women wet?

Because he eats ass.

I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.

The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.

Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.

Struggling German meatpacker conciels rancid meat in its sausage blend.

Went from bad to wurst.

I hate jokes about canned meat

They’re mostly spam

I went on shark tank to sell a mixed meat product

I offered 20% steak

My father always told me lick the knife to get the last little bit of meat juices.

Brilliant dad, terrible surgeon.

I just found out that I’m allergic to red meat...

“I just found out that I’m allergic to red meat. No more steaks for me.”

———“I’ve never heard of that. Is that a rare allergy.”

“No, I can’t even have it well done!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a homosexual and my fridge?

My fridge doesn’t fart when I pull my meat out

What's a rappers favorite cut of meat?

A skrt steak

My sister is openly vegan

But she says that she loves her boyfriend's meat

If you get a message from me about tinned meat, don’t open it...

It’s spam

What sound does meat make when it sneezes?

Au jus!

As a vegan eating with the German side of my family at Christmas can be tough. I'm too scared to tell them I am vegan so I explained that I had a crippling phobia of meat.

I feared the wurst.

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I'm addicted to deli meats

The worst part is my therapist keeps recommending cold turkey

What did the Italian Meat say after paying for everyone's food?

'Salami

Even the best farmers or engineers failed to develop a brand of cannabis-fed beef meat

The steaks were too high

What do you get when you throw ungrateful kids in to a meat grinder?

Bratwurst

What did Jefferey Dahmer's mom say when he passed the meat at Xmas dinner?

Jeff, you know I don't like your friends.

I'm sick of my wife treating me like a piece of meat

She's a vegetarian.

A Muslims favourite meat ...

is lamb.

Whats a difference between my meat and my game controller?

I stop ragefully beating my meat in november.

I don't really cook meat that often

But when I do, it's usually very rare

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Word spread quickly that a meat shipment was inbound from Moscow, in the Russian Soviet Federated Socialist Republic.

Sure enough, in the early hours of Monday morning the line outside State Food Store no. 46 was already over two hundred people long, many whispering excitedly about poultry and sausages, despite the dark, bitterly cold morning. After hours of waiting, and still before sunrise, the Commissar came out...

How do you make a vegan go back to eating meat?

Remove their vocal cords and ban them from social media.

This boy and girl went to a party dressed as calf meat.

I felt like a bit of a third veal.

A journalist asks a Russian, a Pole and an Israeli the same question: Excuse me, what's your opinion on the meat shortage?

The Russian replies: What's an opinion?

The Pole replies: What's meat?

The Israeli replies: What's excuse me?

Mich grabbed his Meat. Sam grabbed her buns...

The made little sam'miches together. <3

What do you call a blue eyed, blonde haired person who doesn't eat meat?

A vegetaryan

After hauling a deer on the back of my car, I was disappointed to find the meat had gone bad.

Guess thats what I get for putting it on the spoiler

What’s the difference between new and old hamburger meat?

One is ground beef and the other is browned grief.

Tried Wookiee meat the other day

it was Chewie.

FFS my Reddit has been hacked. Please ignore any messages you may get from me about tinned meat...

It’s spam

What kind of meat do you get from a Mexican pig?

Porque.

I am starting a company to produce and sell Marijuana infused meat.

Our motto is "A pot in every chicken."

Why did Stephen Hawking only eat meat?

Because eating vegetables would be cannibalism.

My Indian neighbors just opened a meat market

It’s a new deli

How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?

Unzip it

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