A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't ...

In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

I like how my local pizza place cuts my pizza into 6 slices instead of 8

I can't finish 8 slices

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I don’t know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.

After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same c...

What's the difference between a slice of pizza and a hippie?

You don't have to take the crust off of a slice of pizza before you eat it.

I prefer my sandwiches to have 3 slices of bread.

I'm looking for other people like that so we can start a club.

I rarely put orange slices in my beer.

Once in a Blue Moon.

Who decided to call them deli slices and not...

... Meat Thins?

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A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to find the ball he discovers a witch stirring a cauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing..?

“A magic potion” she replies.

“Well what is it for?” he asks.

“This potion will make anyone an excellent golfer.”

At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She is agreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on his sex life.

After a short...

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, orders a drink and while he’s drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over, grabs some olives off the bar, eats them, grabs some sliced limes, eats them, jumps up on the pool table, grabs a cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”

The guy says, “No, what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” says the bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ...

What did the sliced loaf say to the uncliced loaf?

OK bloomer.

What do you call 52 slices of bread?

A deck of carbs.

A Sliced Dairy Product

There was once a man named Ani. Ani was a long-time comedian. He had been running both a YouTube and a Twitter account for an entire decade, and did stand-up in bars and comedy clubs. Everywhere he went, he was showered with praise for his originality and dedication. On one 17th of August, however, ...

Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

A pizza slice walks into a bar asking for a drink

The bartender says:
"Sorry, we don't serve food here"

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Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street.

Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the b...

I just ate a sandwich with slices from two different kinds of bread

It was a cross-bread sandwich

I can't stand cheese slices...

...but I respect the Kraft

What did one slice of Baurenbrot say to the other?

“Gluten tag!”

A priest goes out practice golfing and has an altar boy caddy for him.

Right off the first tee the priest immediately hooks the ball into a sand trap. He mutters, "God Dammit!!!" The shocked altar boy says, "Father! Isn't that blasphemy?" The priest says, "Awww I'm a priest, he'll forgive me."
On the second tee he hits a bad slice, the ball bounces off a tree and ...

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A slice of coconut cream pie is $2.50 in Barbados. It is $2.75 in Trinidad & Tobago. $3.25 on St. Thomas

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

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According to my mom this is the first joke I ever told [NSFW text]

It's a warm summer day and an elderly gentleman and his wife are driving down the highway. They are in the midst of a heated argument; his wife has accused him of adultery. Although he is vigilantly defending his honor she is convinced that he has been cheating on her. Back and forth they shout, get...

What do you call a joke in between two slides of bread?

What do you call a joke in between two slices of bread?

Cheesy

My friend came up with this, and to my knowledge it isn't anywhere else on the internet. Its very cringey but i digress

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Had this really irritating flat mate

When I was at uni I had this really irritating flat mate called Callum. Always leaving his shit lying around and not tidying up. Drinking my milk out of the fridge, eating the last slice of bread. Pissing on the toilet seat. You know the sort of guy, the one who’s stirring your pint with his cock wh...

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A Golf Story

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well," said the man, "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when on a difficult hole, w...

An American is in Italian prison

"How'd you get here?" his cellmate asks.

"Well," he replies, "I went to go visit that famous leaning tower and then decided to get a slice of fresh pizza. I sit down and the server comes to take my order. I asked what's good and the server went down the list. Neapolitan, Giuseppe, Pugliese, N...

New types of sliced loaf aren't invented, or discovered...

They're bread.

Henry orders pizza

Henry orders a whole pizza

Waiter: How many pizza slices? 6 or 8 slices?

Henry: Just 6! I might not be able to finish 8 slices.

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Playing golf and sliced into a field of buttercups.

As I was ready to hit I heard a voice that said “don’t hurt any buttercups”

I asked “who are you?”

“I’m Mother Nature, if you can chip out of this field of buttercups without harming a single one, I will guarantee you have butter everyday for the rest of your life”

I responded “...

You’ve heard of Murphy’s law right?

It says that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

But have you heard of Cole’s law?

It’s thinly sliced cabbage.

My physics professor took an entire class to lecture us about Cole’s law

Turns out, it’s just thinly sliced cabbage

Career Choices

As a child, I thought about being a musician, but all my efforts fell flat.

In High School, my teachers seemed to be pushing a career as an astronaut, but then I realized they had something else in mind when they said I was “a real space cadet.”


My first job was working in an ora...

I found enlightenment after eating slices of a cold garlic sausage made from a breed of South American camelid

all thanks to the deli llama

What do you call a couple of ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?

Romance

Would you like the pizza cut into eight or twelve slices?

Just eight, I don't think I could eat twelve!

What do you call a hypothetically sliced apple?

A core concept.

Possibly the greatest dad joke of my dad’s whole career

Preface: I’ve been sick in bed for 10 days with infectious mononucleosis or ‘mono’


So, Mom brought home some pie and she gave me a slice. I only had like half of it because it was making me nauseous so she decided to save it for me. But I guess Dad didn’t know that so he ate the rest of ...

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine.

He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!


Joe immediate...

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Bob goes to the zoo

One day, Bob decided to go to the zoo. When he got to the ape cage, he found himself looking at a big male ape, who was staring right back at him. When he scratched his head, so did the ape.

Noticing this, Bob decided to have some fun. So he started to scratch under his arms and jump aro...

I’ve heard one beer = 7 slices of bread

I ate a whole loaf and I’m not drunk yet.
Did I do it wrong?

I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...

turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.

Tutankhamen: If you find ten guys to help, I'll cut you in on a slice of the treasure

Slave: This sounds like a pyramid scheme

Tutankhamen: A what?

Why did the teddy bear turn down a slice of cake

Because it was stuffed

Whenever I see a commercial with a woman looking fully relaxed in a tub with 2 round slices of cucumber on her eyes ...

I wonder where the rest of the cucumber is.

I saw a man at the grocery store flinging slices of American cheese into the air.

He then started chugging cartons of milk right off the shelf.

After that he started smashing containers of yogurt open on his forehead.

It was shocking. All I could think was “how dare he!”

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Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

You know those slices of American cheese you get from the supermarket? You're not going to be able to buy those anymore.

Since Trump is going to make America grate again, apparently.

What do you call a physicist that’s 1/4 Hispanic?

Ohm slice

How many Englishmen does it take to wallpaper a room?

Usually about 3.

Though it depends how thinly you slice them.

"Mr. Cheese, it's time for you to be sliced up into little pieces."

"Oh grate!"

I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tubes or slices as everyday food...

We should definitely make America grate again.

My Gran fell asleep last night with a cigarette in her hand. That woman was the best thing since sliced bread.

Now she’s toast.

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AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES,...

Karen served wild mushrooms to the church group.

A group of country friends from the Wildwood Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Tom and Karen to be the hosts, Karen wanted to outdo all the others. Karen decided to have mushroom-sm...

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

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Rough life

A cucumber, a pickle and a penis are in a heated debate over who's life is more difficult.

The cucumber says "man, I've got it rough...when I get big, fat and juicy, they rip me off the vine, slice me up, put me in a salad and eat me!"

The pickle laughs and says "that's nothing. When I...

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A pirate walks into a bar

He hobbles up to the bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender looks him over and can't help but wonder if this man is really a full blown pirate. So, the bartender asks him, "Where did you get that peg leg"

The pirate replies," Argggg, I fell off me ship, and a crocodile bit me leg o...

Did you hear the two slices of bread broke up?

I wonder rye.

Two Slices in a Ham Sandwich Marry Each Other.

I bet their children will be inbread.

I baked a cake shaped like Canada, and offered my brother the Quebec slice....

but he's having Nunavut.

A Man walkes into a Bar

He orders a shot of tequilla and the bar tender asks "would you like to try our challenge?"
The man confused, said "what challenge". The Bar tender then states " see those slices of meat on the ceiling?". The man looks up and sees 2 slices of red meat on the brick roof. Then the man says "what d...

Murphy vs Cole

You all have heard of Murphy’s Law, I assume. It’s the idea that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

However, have you ever heard of Cole’s Law? It’s a disgusting mash up of sliced cabbage and watery mayonnaise.

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Two newly wed couples end up at the same place for their Honeymoon

The two grooms are are at the bar talking about finally making love to their new wives. One of them suggests a competition to see who gets the most sex and they both agree. They needed a code so their wives wouldn't know they were having a competition, so it was suggested that over breakfast they wo...

I drool as I watch the gyro meat getting sliced off the stick for my wrap...

... then I wonder - is that how vegans feel when they watch someone mowing the lawn?

Why didn't the two slices of bread talk?

Because there was beef between them!


> I was arguing with my girlfriend about what constitutes a sandwich. One thing lead to another and this corny joke was born. It's probably been said before. Enjoy!

I was fired from my job in a restaurant kitchen for refusing to slice up one of the condiments with a knife...

I just didn't cut the mustard.

Two hunters lost in the woods

They had been lost for a long time and were both starving. While walking, one of the hunters notices a tree that has thin slices of meat hanging from it. He yells to the other and points towards the tree: "Look, we're saved!!! There's a BACON TREE!!!". He starts running for the tree when all of a su...

Two groups of warriors are facing each other beafore a battle

Wanting to intimidate their foes, a swordsman takes out his handkerchief, throws it up into the air and deftly slices it into ribbons before it hits the ground.

Not wanting to be outdone, his opponent also takes out his handkerchief and throws it up in the air. The handkerchief flutters down...

Does anyone else love thick sandwiches with three slices of bread and two layers of filling?

We should make a club.

A married couple are out golfing.

The husband slices his tee shot into the trees. They find the ball resting behind an oak. The man is about to chip out onto the fairway when his wife, standing a few feet behind, stops him. "Honey, from here I can see the flagstick. Why not try to reach the green?" He takes a look, decid...

What did the slice of bacon say to the tomato?

Lettuce be together now!

Damn girl, you're like the first slice in a loaf of bread

Everyone touches you but nobody wants you.

There once was a man who lived in a little hut down by the lake.

Every morning he would wake up at sunrise and go down onto the docks to feed the baby ducklings.

Each day he would bring exactly 6 slices of bread down one for each baby duckling. But as summer was starting to come to an end the man thought the ducklings could use more food.

So he de...

As soon as you take a single slice of pizza...

...there's no longer enough to go around.

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The devil was feeling generous one day

So he decided to give three guys a chance to leave hell and make it to heaven.

"See that ladder over there?" he asked them, pointing to an ornate golden ladder reaching up out of the flames and into white fluffy clouds beyond.

"If you can make it to the top without laughing, I'll let h...

I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved.

......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Massive sandwiches

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Jesus and Moses are golfing in a threesome.

Moses tees off first and uncorks a high sailing slice. The ball plops into the middle of a lake. Unperturbed, Moses walks to the edge of the lake, raises his club, and the waters part. Moses chips onto the green.

Jesus tees off next. He blades a worm-burner that heads for the lake, skipping ...

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A man enters a restaurant in a foreign country...

...he doesn't speak the language, but he tries to order breakfast anyway. He makes a slicing motion, then moves his finger like he is spreading butter on a slice of toast. The server understands this and notes it down.

He then clucks like a chicken and pretends to crack and beat an egg. The s...

Two men were lost in the desert.

As they wandered, desperately looking for food and water they spot a tree and head towards it. As they get closer they can't believe their eyes, every branch of the tree has bacon slices hanging off it. One of them breaks into a run and grabs a slice, but before he can eat it, out of nowhere a volle...

A slice of ham and a slice of cheese walk into a bar

They ask the bartender for 2 beers. "Sorry we don't serve food here" replied the bartender.

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