What do you call 52 slices of bread?

A deck of carbs.

A slice of Apple pie is $3 in Jamaica and $2.50 in The Bahamas...

Those are the Pie rates of the Caribbean!

I just ate a sandwich with slices from two different kinds of bread

It was a cross-bread sandwich

Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

A pizza slice walks into a bar asking for a drink

The bartender says:
"Sorry, we don't serve food here"

How do you feed 5000 people with one slice of bread?

Cut the ends and you will have endless bread

What did one slice of Baurenbrot say to the other?

“Gluten tag!”

I can't stand cheese slices...

...but I respect the Kraft

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A slice of coconut cream pie is $2.50 in Barbados. It is $2.75 in Trinidad & Tobago. $3.25 on St. Thomas

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

I just ordered a pizza and was asked if I wanted it cut into 8 slices or 12.

I said 8 please, I couldn't possibly eat 12.

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Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street.

Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the b...

Someone asked if I ever put an orange slice in my beer.

Once, in a Blue Moon.

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

I ate A slice of cheese Today

It Was a Gouda Slice of Cheese

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My Uncle Jack is hosting an orgasm contest and the reward is a slice of pie.

It's first come first serve.

I found enlightenment after eating slices of a cold garlic sausage made from a breed of South American camelid

all thanks to the deli llama

I need to have at least one slice of toast on me at all times

I’m lack toast intolerant

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

What do you call a couple of ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?

Romance

I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved.

......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...

turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.

Why did the teddy bear turn down a slice of cake

Because it was stuffed

Tutankhamen: If you find ten guys to help, I'll cut you in on a slice of the treasure

Slave: This sounds like a pyramid scheme

Tutankhamen: A what?

Would you like the pizza cut into eight or twelve slices?

Just eight, I don't think I could eat twelve!

I’ve heard one beer = 7 slices of bread

I ate a whole loaf and I’m not drunk yet.
Did I do it wrong?

Whenever I see a commercial with a woman looking fully relaxed in a tub with 2 round slices of cucumber on her eyes ...

I wonder where the rest of the cucumber is.

You know those slices of American cheese you get from the supermarket? You're not going to be able to buy those anymore.

Since Trump is going to make America grate again, apparently.

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The Pickle Slicer

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis in the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill i...

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What's the difference between sex and a slice of pizza?

It takes me longer to eat the pizza

I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tubes or slices as everyday food...

We should definitely make America grate again.

I saw a man at the grocery store flinging slices of American cheese into the air.

He then started chugging cartons of milk right off the shelf.

After that he started smashing containers of yogurt open on his forehead.

It was shocking. All I could think was “how dare he!”

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I got fired for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer at work.

She got fired too.

Did you hear the two slices of bread broke up?

I wonder rye.

Two Slices in a Ham Sandwich Marry Each Other.

I bet their children will be inbread.

I was fired from my job in a restaurant kitchen for refusing to slice up one of the condiments with a knife...

I just didn't cut the mustard.

What do you call a slice of a pickle that's not an edge slice?

A mid-dill slice

I baked a cake shaped like Canada, and offered my brother the Quebec slice....

but he's having Nunavut.

Why didn't the two slices of bread talk?

Because there was beef between them!


> I was arguing with my girlfriend about what constitutes a sandwich. One thing lead to another and this corny joke was born. It's probably been said before. Enjoy!

Does anyone else love thick sandwiches with three slices of bread and two layers of filling?

We should make a club.

Damn girl, you're like the first slice in a loaf of bread

Everyone touches you but nobody wants you.

As soon as you take a single slice of pizza...

...there's no longer enough to go around.

A slice of ham and a slice of cheese walk into a bar

They ask the bartender for 2 beers. "Sorry we don't serve food here" replied the bartender.

Who was the roundest member of Sir Arthurs round table?

Sir Cumference.


He at too much Pi.


He ate approximately 3.142 slices

What do Mexicans use to slice pizza?

Little Caesers

Possibly the greatest dad joke of my dad’s whole career

Preface: I’ve been sick in bed for 10 days with infectious mononucleosis or ‘mono’


So, Mom brought home some pie and she gave me a slice. I only had like half of it because it was making me nauseous so she decided to save it for me. But I guess Dad didn’t know that so he ate the rest of ...

A cat eats a slice of swiss cheese...

and sits by the mousetrap with baited breath.

How many babies does it take to reshingle a roof?

Depends how thin you slice them.

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Two newly wed couples end up at the same place for their Honeymoon

The two grooms are are at the bar talking about finally making love to their new wives. One of them suggests a competition to see who gets the most sex and they both agree. They needed a code so their wives wouldn't know they were having a competition, so it was suggested that over breakfast they wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I go to the butchers the other day,

and I say to the butcher, "Hi there, I'm looking for Dan. He told me he works for you."
The butcher says, "Not any more he doesn't. I fired him yesterday."
"You fired him? What for?"
"I caught him round back with his dick in the bacon slicer."
"He had his *dick* inside the bacon slicer?"...

A married couple are out golfing.

The husband slices his tee shot into the trees. They find the ball resting behind an oak. The man is about to chip out onto the fairway when his wife, standing a few feet behind, stops him. "Honey, from here I can see the flagstick. Why not try to reach the green?" He takes a look, decid...

Apologies to any lawyers on Reddit

What do you call 100 dead lawyers on the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

What do you call three lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.

How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thinly you slice them.

A man was out golfing o...

What's worse than 1 slice of burnt toast?

The holocaust.

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Rough life

A cucumber, a pickle and a penis are in a heated debate over who's life is more difficult.

The cucumber says "man, I've got it rough...when I get big, fat and juicy, they rip me off the vine, slice me up, put me in a salad and eat me!"

The pickle laughs and says "that's nothing. When I...

There once was a man who lived in a little hut down by the lake.

Every morning he would wake up at sunrise and go down onto the docks to feed the baby ducklings.

Each day he would bring exactly 6 slices of bread down one for each baby duckling. But as summer was starting to come to an end the man thought the ducklings could use more food.

So he de...

Two groups of warriors are facing each other beafore a battle

Wanting to intimidate their foes, a swordsman takes out his handkerchief, throws it up into the air and deftly slices it into ribbons before it hits the ground.

Not wanting to be outdone, his opponent also takes out his handkerchief and throws it up in the air. The handkerchief flutters down...

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A man enters a restaurant in a foreign country...

...he doesn't speak the language, but he tries to order breakfast anyway. He makes a slicing motion, then moves his finger like he is spreading butter on a slice of toast. The server understands this and notes it down.

He then clucks like a chicken and pretends to crack and beat an egg. The s...

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Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

Two men were lost in the desert.

As they wandered, desperately looking for food and water they spot a tree and head towards it. As they get closer they can't believe their eyes, every branch of the tree has bacon slices hanging off it. One of them breaks into a run and grabs a slice, but before he can eat it, out of nowhere a volle...

My granddad had my sides busting with this one over Christmas!

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfe...

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The devil was feeling generous one day

So he decided to give three guys a chance to leave hell and make it to heaven.

"See that ladder over there?" he asked them, pointing to an ornate golden ladder reaching up out of the flames and into white fluffy clouds beyond.

"If you can make it to the top without laughing, I'll let h...

A buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

The vendor drops a kosher beef hot dog into a seed-covered bun and tops it with yellow mustard, chopped white onions, a dill pickle spear, tomato slices, relish, hot peppers, celery salt, and black pepper.

The monk hands over a $100 bill and takes the hot dog. The vendor takes the note and sm...

Two hunters lost in the woods

They had been lost for a long time and were both starving. While walking, one of the hunters notices a tree that has thin slices of meat hanging from it. He yells to the other and points towards the tree: "Look, we're saved!!! There's a BACON TREE!!!". He starts running for the tree when all of a su...

Jesus, moses and a an old man go play a round of golf.

On the first tee Jesus tees of first. He slices the ball badly into the water. He then walks to edge of the pond and "parts the seas", he walks out into the dry pond and smacks his ball up onto the green.

Moses goes next, he too slices his ball into the water. He goes out and walks on water ...

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Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf at a club famous for it's floating green.

When approaching the tee box Moses reminds Jesus that he never makes the green and he should just lay it up for the easy chip. Jesus replies, "Arnold Palmer drives this green, so can I."

Sure enough, plop in the water goes Jesus's ball. Moses being nice, parts the water and retrieves the bal...

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

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Jesus and Moses are golfing in a threesome.

Moses tees off first and uncorks a high sailing slice. The ball plops into the middle of a lake. Unperturbed, Moses walks to the edge of the lake, raises his club, and the waters part. Moses chips onto the green.

Jesus tees off next. He blades a worm-burner that heads for the lake, skipping ...

A Guy & His Wife Go Golfing...

A guy and his wife go golfing. They’re about halfway through the game when the husband slices a shot for the green and drops his ball right behind the greenskeeper’s shed, blocking his chance to chip in. So, he lines up his shot, planning to hit it out from behind the shed and then up on the green o...

I’m getting totally fed up with people whinging about the prices of things.

£1.25 for a Tea, £1.75 for a Coffee, £2 for a slice of cake and £2.50 for car parking.

Any more complaints and I will stop inviting people round to my house.

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