I can’t believe that there’s people that don’t eat the crust.

Like wtf it’s part of the food, it’s fantastic even if it doesn’t taste the same a the rest of the watermelon.

When I was young my mother would wake up early to remove the crusts from my sandwiches....

.... She really hated me, she knew they were my favourite part.

Jesus Crust

A priest and a Zen master are making toast.

The priest says "look, there's an image of Jesus in my margarine!"

The Zen master replies "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

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What is good on pie, but not on pussy?

Crust.

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What's the difference between a Good pizza and a bad prostitute?

The thickness of the crust.

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

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Late one night in the Adams family household Cousin Itt was feeling horny.

His mind could not stop thinking about how earlier that day he'd seen Morticia lounging by the pool. Her pale goth flesh, pert breasts and slender hips were too much for him to take so with a flourish he did the deed and in doing so shotgunned his seed all over his fur. I will clean it in the morn...

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A brash American tourist got seated next to a Chinese man in a plane.

Mid flight, the Chinese man ordered for a marmalade sandwich. The American could not contain his curiosity so he struck up a conversation with his seatmate.

"You enjoyin' that sandwich, pal?" he asked

"Yes" politely answered the Chinese man after he took a bite and made a few chews....

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Difference between pizza & pussy?

What’s the difference between pizza & pussy?


With pizza, you can eat the crust

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NSFW - My girlfriend always demands a "joke for a smoke" when someone tries to bum a cig

When someone can't come up with something on the spot, she offers to teach them one of her favorites:

"What tastes better on pie than pussy?"
.
.
.
.
.

"Crust"

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An American guy, visiting China, sees a Chinese guy eating biscuits and jelly at a cafe and decides to have a little fun with him.

He pops a stick of gum into his mouth and sits next to the Chinese guy.

As he's chewing it, he casually says to the Chinese guy, "Are those biscuits you're eating? Well in America, we eat our bread without the crust, compact the crust into biscuits and sell it to China." The Chinese guy deci...

Small talk

The year is 2097. In the midst of a nuclear war, two babies are sent from Earth in a pod to an empty SpaceX bunker on Mars in the hopes they will survive and continue the human race.

After years in isolation and with packaged food becoming scarce, the young humans decided to venture out onto ...

Why did the judge dismiss the case of the pizza being delivered without the crust?

Because it was a baseless accusation

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Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Pussy isn't pizza, dont eat the crust


Herpilations 4:20

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Wife: actually I’m holding my son.

Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?

Wife: oh god.

Kidnapper: what?

Wife. you have my husb...

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There’s just not mushroom for Italian chefs in today’s world.

What’s the different between a hippie chick and a piece of pizza?

You don’t peel the crust off of pizza before you eat it.

What do you call a lobster from China?

A crust-asian

what do you call a pit stop that sells crabs and pizza?

a crust station

What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist see every day?

The yeasty crust.

What did the toast say when he fell down the stairs?

"Crust Almighty!"

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Small, round, thin,

thick crust, deep pan, extra toppings...

Who is the patron saint of Pizza and Bread?

Jesus Crust

What's really good on pie and really awful on people?

Crust

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Did you hear? They opened a pizza place in the Vatican!

It’s called Cheesus Crust.

They only use Swiss cheese Because it’s so holy.

Their most famous topping is pope-peroni.

They’re really famous for their dough.
It takes three days to rise.

They only serve seeded olives.
Because they’re afraid of the pit.

Their...

Church bake sale

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies Group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale, and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying ...

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The year is 1943, and an Allied encampment is surrounded by German forces.

There are three regiments in the camp: one American, one British, and one Soviet. The three have been surrounded by the Germans, who have cut off their supply lines and are awaiting a surrender of the Allied troops. After several days, this has put severe strain on the encampment’s supplies.

...

What is the motto for the fish stick factory?

In cod we crust.

Engineer goes to Hell...

The engineer looks around, confused, and sees that despite having lived what he felt was a pious and good life, he is in Hell.

Satan quickly introduces himself. "Welcome to Hell. I can't say i was expecting you, so i guess St. Peter made a mistake when he put you on the Hell list. I'll have ...

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South American recycling

A Guyanese man is having breakfast one morning: coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Trinidadian man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Guyanese ignores the Trinidadian who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Trini: "You Guyanese folk eat the whole bread?"
Guyanese ...

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A Fijian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe, when a New Zealand tourist, chewing gum, sat next to him...

The Fijian politely ignored the New Zealander, who, never the less started up a conversation.

The New Zealander snapped his gum and said, "You Fijian folks eat the whole bread?"

The Fijian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."

Th...

In which part of the bread factory do lobsters work?

The crust station.

The National poetry contest

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a red-neck from Southeast Tennessee A & M. The rules of the conte...

California hasn't fallen into the sea, so apparently it worked.

Back in the 1970's there was a cult in California who believed that they could save California by appeasing the San Andreas. There were parts of San Andreas that literally gaped open wide, and members of the cult were noted for throwing all their earthly possessions down into the amazingly deep crac...

Son, some children, before they are born, are the jewel of their mother's eye.

You, however, were the crust in the corner.

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Well, turn it around

A young man walking down the street sees a street vendor selling apples 1 for $5. Appalled at the price he stops and inquires about the over priced fruit.

“What’s so special about these apples?” Asked the young man.

“Well they’re 2 flavored apples.” Replied the vendor. “One side tast...

What's a lobster's favorite part of a build-your-own-pizza bar?

The crust station.

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French Bubble Gum !

An American guy is sitting at a diner minding his own business eating breakfast.

A French guy chewing gum sits down next to him & says "What are you eating there? American bread? In France we eat only the soft centers out of our fresh bread & send the crusts to America."

The ...

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Australian sitting in a cafe, drinking coffee, eating bun with jam

American comes to cafe,sits down to the Australian and while chewing his gum asks:

"Do you, the Australians, eat all the slice of bread?"

"Of course", Australian response.

Smiling American blows gum bubble and says:

"We do not. In America, we eat only a soft portion of th...

What's the difference between the Earth and my sock?

The Earth's crust is on the outside.

A digging exploration

One day the US government decided to fund a digging exploration to explore the earth

They built a gigantic machine filled with thousands of soldiers, scientists, engineers etc

As they were digging through the earth's crust, the suddenly hit something big and had an emergency.

At...

What's the difference between an old crab and a Korean in the oven?

Ones a crusty crestacean and the others a crispy crust Asian

Here's a Chinese lame joke I translated...

General Cao and his army of thirty thousand men were eating a gigantic bean bun.

The bean bun was so huge that that they ate for three days and three nights, and all that time it was all crust and no filling.

On the fourth day, they finally hit on something, but it wasn't bean filling....

What do you call a particularly crabby Chinese grandma?

A crust-asian.

^(I'm sorry....)

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What is Hitler's favourite type of pizza?

The Hollow Crust.

The Surgeon and the Plumber

A world-famous and very dignified surgeon called a plumber to fix the flooded bathroom in his office.

When the plumber arrived, he was carrying an extra set of used overalls. The dapper, impeccably groomed and expensively dressed doctor smirked in a condescending way and said: "Do you usually...

what did the domino's pizza delivery guy say to Satan?

The power of crust compels you.

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