What type of flour is Jesus?

Self-raising

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What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk?

A stomach cake!

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A black kid pulls the flour over his head.

A black kid walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, "Look Mama, I'm a white boy!" His mother smacks him and says, "Go to your Daddy and say wbat you just said!" The boy finds his father and says, "Look Da...

A friend of mine started taking baby Ed class where they use bags of flour to represent babies

3 days later he came to class with a cake claiming his baby went through puberty.

I tried to come up with a pun for flour and sugar but I forgot.

I'll have to sift through my mind to find it.

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You will regret mixing flour and butter.

You will roux the day!

I see Jamie Oliver tackled that burglar by tripping him up with a bowl of egg, milk and flour.

Now the perp is complaining that Jamie battered him.

If you snort coke, you get high. If you snort flour...

..you get baked.

...frighteningly, my 5th grader came up with this while we were having a discussion about drugs and what he might end up seeing in Middle School next year.

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I covered my girlfriend in flour, butter,milk, clotted cream and jam.

Boy was she mad... I guess hell hath no fury like a woman sconed

I like my kids like I like my flour

In bread

What kind of flour do orphans use?

Self Raising

My Chinese gave me a confectionary made with an unusual flour.

The cake was a rye

A woman dies and goes to the gates of heaven.

When she gets there, she is perplexed and confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Fina...

How are people from Kentucky like flour?

They're inbred.

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A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"

She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.

He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.

He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"
...

What kind of flour is independent?

Self-Raising flour..

I'll get my coat.

A Mexican boy and his grandmother were making enchiladas....

A Mexican boy and his grandmother were making enchiladas when the boy grabbed some flour and smeared it on his face and said "Grandma look! I'm a white boy!". The grandmother immediately slapped him and said "Go talk to your mother!". The boy finds his mother in the garden and says "Mama look! I'm a...

How can you tell the difference between normal and self-raising flour?

One has parents

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A mother baking in Somalia

One day a mother was baking bread in Somalia, when her son thought it would be awesome to play white. So he threw flour all over him and said "Mommy, look! I'm white".

His mother slapped him instantly and said "Go to your father and show him what you've done."
His father slapped him i...

Kim Kardashin flour bombing incident

Police called off the search for the person who flower bombed Kim Kardashin.

They learned it was just Lindsey Lohan sneezing

When I was a boy, mum would send me down to the store with $5

I'd come back with a sack of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 liters of milk, 2 kilos of flour plain and self-raising AND have a pocket full of candy. You can't do that anymore. These days there are too many security cameras.

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The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

A little hispanic boy was next to his mother while she was making tortillas...

A little hispanic boy was next to his mother while she was making tortillas. He dumps his face into the flour, ruining it and says to his mother, "Look mom! I'm a white boy!". Shocked the mom spanks that boy and afterwards tells hims "Go show this to your father!" He goes to his father and says "Loo...

A man and a woman are riding a bus.

The woman looks over and notices the man's fly is open.

She tells him, "Sir, your store is open."

The man promptly zips his fly.

After a few moments he asks, "Did you happen to see the store's owner?"

The woman replies, "No, but I saw a drunk stocker laying on two sacks...

A middle eastern restaurant owner bought a new waffle iron.

He wasn't sure how to use it, so he chopped up some chickpeas, rolled them in flour and pressed them between the grates.

The mayor of the town stopped by that day, excited to try the new dish.

But when he took his first bite, the mayor declared it was so bad he would ban it from being ...

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A guy is staying at a bed and breakfast for several weeks.

The bed and breakfast was owned by a little old lady who would cook the most amazing biscuits for breakfast every morning. The guy loved these biscuits so much that he would eat five or six every morning and he even extended his stay at the bed and breakfast just so he could eat more of these amazi...

What is a Klansman's favorite ingredient to bake with?

White flour

Have you heard of the boy made of bread?

Apparently nobody wanted to take him in...

Good thing they used self-raising flour!

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .

Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours...

I cannot believe that it's 13 weeks away from pancake day

And they are already selling flour and eggs in the shops

The story of Mr. Green.

Mrs. Barker, Elementary school teacher,was telling her students a wonderful story. It was for the English lesson that Mrs. Barker improvised to keep her lessons engaging. This was one off her stories.

Once there was once a world where humans were either red, yellow or green.

One day ...

And old man..

..watched his grandson go to the store with a dollar and come back with only a bottle of water and shook his head. He said, "Back in my day, my mother would send me to the store with a dollar and I'd come back with half a dozen eggs, two cartons of milk, a pack of cigs, and a bag of flour. You can't...

My grandad lost his job after the war as a coleman's mustard powder salesman.

His boss told him to mix it with other cheaper powders like flour and chalk but grandad was an honest man, and would only ever sell genuine 100% pure stuff.

His boss fired him as he plainly didn't cut the mustard

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Cute names to call your girlfriend with

1.sugar

2.honey

3.flour

4.egg

5.1/2 lb butter

6.stir

7.pour into pan

8.preheat to 375°

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So this black kid was playing in the kitchen right..

He accidentally knocked a bag of flour off the shelf and it went all over him.

His mom came in the kitchen and he decided to make a joke of it. "Look Mom, I'm white!" he said.

His mom slapped him across the cheek. "I can't believe you just said that boy, go tell your father what you j...

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A man decides to buy his family a pet

So he goes downtown to a new pet store that's advertising exotic animals. Walking around the store the man sees a frog on sale for $1,500 and asks the cashier "why is this frog so expensive?"

The cashier chuckles a little and says "well that sir isn't just any frog, it's a South American blow...

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A man took his 3 kids to a maze

His kids' names are Flour, Sugar, and Butter. The four of them split up in the maze to try to solve it. Along the way, Dad bumps into Butter. They exchange surprised looks and laughs and continue on their way. After 10 more minutes, Dad bumps into Butter again. They repeat the previous exchange and ...

I was watching a french man make a cake...

I admired his enthusiasm. He grabbed the flour, added it to the bowl, and started adding the wet ingredients. Intrigued about his recipe, I asked "hey man, how many eggs did you use for your cake?"

The French man replied, "un oeuf."

Raw eggs are good for a fitness diet.

If you don't like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.

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A little black boy was in the kitchen helping his mother baking...

the kid gets the flour and puts it all over his face and says, 'look momma, I'm a white boy'. His mother slapped him and told him to go to his father and show him what he's done.
So the kid goes to his father and says 'look poppa I'm a white boy'. The father punches him in disgust and sends him ...

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3 Nuns

Are lost in the desert. Exhaustion, thirst and hunger are setting in. Out of supplies and options, Sister Mary prays to the Lord.

The Lord replies "March on my children, over the next ridge you will find a gift, when you have found it pray again."

Sure enough over the next ridge is an ...

A collection of Radio Yerevan jokes

Radio Yerevan jokes were basically a pre-internet meme here in the former Eastern Bloc, which follow a simple QnA format and were often political, and here's a few of my favorites:

---

Radio Yerevan was asked: Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union in the same w...

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A little black boy is in the kitchen

A little black boy is in the kitchen all by himself and he decides to have a little fun. He takes a bag of flour out of the cabinet and pours it all over himself. A few seconds later his father comes "Boy, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" the father demands. The boy replied he just wanted to see w...

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How to cook leftovers

Ingredients:

1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 cup sugar
Pinch of salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
5 eggs
2 cups cake flour

STEP ONE- Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

STEP TWO- Place the butter and sugar in a mixing bowl after greasing the cake pan and beat them ...

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How to make Emo Cupcakes

What You'll need:

Cupcake Tray

An oven

Milk

Butter

Eggs

Flour

Sugar

We're

Going

Down

Swingin'

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There was a black family...

And their kid smeared flour all over themselves.
He show his mother, "look mom, I'm white!" He said. The mom slaps the kid and says, "wait until your father gets home.

The dad comes home and the kid shows himself, "Look dad, I'm white!" The dad slaps the kid and says, "cut that shit out....

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A little black boy is cooking with his grandma.

Jokingly, he pats some flour on his face and says, "Look, gramma! I'm a little white boy!"
Grandma pops him on the mouth, and takes him to his mother. The grandma tells him to say what he had said to her in the kitchen.
"Look, momma! I'm a little white boy!"
The mom takes off her shoe, a...

Ginger the baker

Once upon a time, in a very, very small town, there was a baker who was named Ginger. She was a very modest person, and not only was she humble, but also very soft spoken and kind. She was famous in the town for her baked goods, especially her cakes.

One day she was experimenting and created...

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag

And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread?

Flour power

And when a lot of people do it at the same time?

a rye-ot

My robust wife is mad at me because I misunderstood her when she demanded flowers the next time we made love....

...and so that night, with a bag of flour in my hands all I said was: "I thought you wanted this to roll in so I could find the wet spot"

Two boys are having a competition.

They have made a bet to see who could fart the hardest. To settle the bet, they have a pan filled with flour and leveled. Whoever can displace the most flour wins.

The first boy crouches over the pan and lets one rip. When the flour settles, they see the pan has only half the flour as it did...

Dang squirrels

There once was a town that was infested with squirrels. They were everywhere and got into everything. The people of the town hated it especially the miller, the blacksmith, and the priest.

One day the miller decides that enough is enough and lays out some poisoned four to kill the stupid thi...

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So a little black boy...

Is playing in the kitchen while his mom is cooking. He gets an idea and goes over to the cupboard and grabs a bag of flour. He proceeds to thoroughly coat himself in a layer of flour. Smiling, he walks up to his mom and says"look mom, I'm a little white boy!". She slaps him across the face and says ...

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Black Family

The mother was in the kitchen preparing dinner, her young child approaches, grabs a handful of flour, put it on his face and smiling exclaims: look mama, I'm white!!!.
The mother turns around, looks at him and slap him with all her strength, the kid looks at her surprised wile the mother says: y...

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It's ok, a black guy told me this

A little black boy, pretending to be white, covers his face in flour. He goes over to his father and says, "Daddy, Daddy! Look I'm white!"

The father, with a quick smack says, "Boy! Go show yo mother"

The boy runs over to his mother and exclaims, "Mommy, Mommy! Look I'm white!"

...

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A black boy is in the kitchen with his grandma ...

... who is preparing cookies. There's a big bowl of flour into which the boy sticks his hands, then he smears them around on his face and says, "Look grandma, I'm a white boy!" With a stern look of disapproval, she tells him "Go into the living room and tell that to your daddy!"

Dad's in his ...

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A black boy and a white boy are best friends.

Two boys, one black and one white were best friends. They had great admiration for each other. The white boy says he wishes he was black like him. The black boy has an epiphany and exclaims "Well I want to be white when I grow up!"

Excited about this new decision, he runs home and tells hi...

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Little Tyrone

Litte Tyrone is playing in the kitchen while his mother is cooking when he tips over the flour jar and covers himself in flour.

"Look, Ma, I'm a white boy." he says. His mother gets the switch and spanks his butt.

"Go tell Aunty what you just said, Tyrone" his mother says. Little Tyr...

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Amazing Frog

Guy bellies up to the bar and the sees that the guy next to him has a giant bull frog with him sitting on top of the bar. Guy asks " What's with the frog?" Other Man replies "You aren't going to believe this but this frog gives the best blowjob you will ever have in your life." Of course this dude...

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(NSFW) (LONG) I've barely been white five minutes...

So a little black boy, Jamal, is playing with flour in the kitchen one day; and once he's covered with flour, he looks up at his mother and says, "look mom, I'm white!" his mother slaps him, and says, "go see yo' fatha'!" so Jamal goes up to his father, and quite a bit less gleefully, says, "look da...

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Angel's Food vs. Devil's Food

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream ...

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The Bakery

A guy named Rajesh works at a bakery in Karachi, Pakistan. As a gopher, he is obligated to serve the baker. One day the baker says
"Raj, go and get me a bag of flour."
Raj goes to get the bag and puts it on his head. Unfortunately the bag breaks and covers him from head to toe. Dejected, he w...

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A husband and wife go into a pet store...

The husband tells his wife that for her birthday present, the wife can pick out any animal in the store. She takes her time looking at all the different cats, dogs, guinea pigs etc., and isn't particularly fond of any of them.

She eventually sees this large frog in the far corner of the st...

Thought I could put dolphin in my fish pie.

Until I noticed I was using all porpoise flour.

On a recent evening a man came up to me at the front desk of my library. He was carrying a large plank of plywood.

On the plywood were copious amounts of what appeared to be a flour and water mix. He might have put yeast in it to make it airier and lighter. He had shaped the mixture into a kind of giant map. There was something I took to be divisions for states, or provinces. He'd created a facsimile of a capito...

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Moscow, winter of 1943.

Among hundreds of people, Ivan and Sasha wait in line for bread. Finally, after 4 hours the baker comes out and says "We have orders from the Party to reduce rations so all Jews go home! No bread for you today!" Queue is thinning as about a hundred or so people leave reluctantly. Wind intensifies, s...

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Sex Frogs

A miserably married man hates his life. His wife is a bitch, so everyday after work he's only home for a half hour before he takes off to the same bar to escape for a while. He's a regular at said bar. The people there are friendly and understand where he is in his life right now.

Well, one n...