What kind of flour should you use to make a cake for a cat?

All purr-puss flour.

While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour.

A Scout ran to pick it up.

“Don’t bother, young man,” said the customer.

“It’s self-rising.”

I don't know whether there is a dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour, but I'll believe it when I see it.

You can say I'm agnocchic.

What type of flour do orphans like?

Self-raising

Why did the baker mix in his flour slowly instead of doing it quickly?

He didn't want to whisk it.

n Indian is calmly having breakfast... An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him.

The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We only eat the inner part. The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to Indian...

The Oblivious Miner

A miner moves out to Colorado. Having spent a few years in California, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dusk 'til dawn in the mines, and then from dawn 'til dusk drinking, playing card games and occasionally have some great night with them lady(or ladies).
...

People say swallowing eggs, flour and water all at once is a difficult task, but I beg to differ.

It's a piece of cake.

A new flour made from ground-up insects could keep millions around the world from going hungry!

It's simply the bee's knees!

Flour, sugar, salt, water and yeast grew up together in jail.

Guess you could say they were bread in captivity.

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People in Asia hoarded rice, people in Europe hoarded flour, people in America hoarded toilet paper

Conclusion: Americans eat toilet paper.

An old ladies dies and goes to heaven...

When she gets there, she is confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Finally, she sees so...

One guy goes to India and visits a monastery

He saw some old monks meditating around the garden but was perplexed not to see any young monks around. "Is Buddhism dying?", he thought. Right after that, he sees a young monk entering a building with some bags of flour and sugar and decides to follow him.

What he found was stunning. On one...

Today is 3 wks in quarantine w/o sugar. Walking 3 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour! I feel great! No alcohol & vegan diet! A 2 hr home workout everyday. Lost 14 lbs & gained muscle mass!

I have no idea whose tweet this is but I’m proud of them so I decided to copy & paste it!

The person who discovered wheat intolerance has died.

The family has requested, NO FLOURS.

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Are you hungry, statue?

While in bed with her lover, the woman suddenly heard her husband at the front door. “Quick,” she whispered. “Sprinkle this flour over you and pretend that you’re a statue.”
“Hi, honey. What’s this?” Her husband asked as he entered the bedroom.
“It’s our new statue,” she explained. “The Smiths...

If I put self raising flour on it...

Does that mean I still have to pay child support?

What’s the odd one out?

A. Flour
B. Yeast
C. Royalty
D. Meat

D. Meat because it’s usually not “in bread.”

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What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk?

A stomach cake!

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A black kid pulls the flour over his head.

A black kid walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, "Look Mama, I'm a white boy!" His mother smacks him and says, "Go to your Daddy and say wbat you just said!" The boy finds his father and says, "Look Da...

How do you turn flour into self-raising flour?

Kick it out on to the streets

What's the difference between how flour is sifted, a parking citation issued to the leader of the Confederate army and 45% of this nation's pets?

One is generally fine, one is a General Lee fine, and one is generally feline.

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What does a bandmember of Pantera call it when they bake a dick-shaped cake?

Vulgar display of flour.

I asked my mom to allow me to cook.

She said "Sure. The flour is all yours."

Bye.

I got arrested by the police

This is so ridiculous, i just wanted to help someone who forgot a pack of flour

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A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"

She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.

He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.

He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"
...

Why was the flour so lumpy?

Because it was in-bread.

Three thieves are in a house...

Three thieves are in a house when suddenly they hear someone come through the door. In a hurry to hide as soon as possible, each finds a gunny sack to hide inside. When the owner comes in and finds three unfamiliar sacks, he kicks the first one, the thief inside thinks quick and makes a sound simila...

A friend of mine started taking baby Ed class where they use bags of flour to represent babies

3 days later he came to class with a cake claiming his baby went through puberty.

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My wife insisted on mixing the butter and flour together.

I told her she would roux the day.

Oof

What flour do u give an orphan...
Self raising flour

I tried to come up with a pun for flour and sugar but I forgot.

I'll have to sift through my mind to find it.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

First time making muffins...

So, first time making blueberry muffins, and the recipe calls for 2 cup flour. The only measuring cups I have in the house are a 1/2 cup and a 1/3 so I actually had to take the time to do 4 halves.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I see Jamie Oliver tackled that burglar by tripping him up with a bowl of egg, milk and flour.

Now the perp is complaining that Jamie battered him.

What do you call cocaine cut with flour?

Diet Coke.

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Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field o...

the puppy test

Before you get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wee...

My Chinese gave me a confectionary made with an unusual flour.

The cake was a rye

Our safe word Is flower.

But she keeps saying flour.

How are people from Kentucky like flour?

They're inbred.

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The bullfrog (NSFW)

A man went into a porno-shop on day, looking for something to spice up his sex life.

He asked the teller "what would you suggest?"

The teller replied "since i don't know much about your situation, I do have one thing that may help"

The man reluctantly replied "what would that ...

Kim Kardashin flour bombing incident

Police called off the search for the person who flower bombed Kim Kardashin.

They learned it was just Lindsey Lohan sneezing

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I covered my girlfriend in flour, butter,milk, clotted cream and jam.

Boy was she mad... I guess hell hath no fury like a woman sconed

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If someone woke you up by throwing melted butter and flour on you...

It'd be a rouxed awakening.

A bag of flour is bragging to his friend about his new girlfriend

...His friend asks "Does she have a sifter?"

One day, Juan was asked by his mother to buy milk from the store.

On the way home he slipped and the milk fell under the bridge.

"Juan where is the milk?"

"I'm sorry I slipped and it fell under the bridge"

"Let it be, it's dirty now. Now go buy eggs from the store"

On the way home Juan slipped and the eggs fell under the bridge again....

How can you tell the difference between normal and self-raising flour?

One has parents

What do Donald Trump supporters and flour have in common?

They are both in bread.

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Bakery in Pakistan

A guy named Sarim works at a bakery in Karachi, Pakistan. As a gopher, he is obligated to serve the baker. One day the baker says "Sam, go and get me a bag of flour." Sam goes to get the bag and puts it on his head. Unfortunately the bag breaks and covers him from head to toe. Dejected, he walks bac...

A Broadway producer is telling his woes to a bartender...

A Broadway producer is telling his woes to a bartender and is explaining how much money he is losing on his latest play. He knows it's no good but feels if he could get some awards people would start talking about it and wanting to go see it. He just needs to figure out a way to get this play to win...

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There were three nuns on a pilgrimage.

They were walking through the desert when they realised that they had run out of food and water however the youngest of the nuns found that she had a small bag of flour.

“Sister,” said the mother superior. “Please urinate in the flour, make a dough and then we may bake it so that we may break...

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Cute names to call your girlfriend with

1.sugar

2.honey

3.flour

4.egg

5.1/2 lb butter

6.stir

7.pour into pan

8.preheat to 375°

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The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

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The Christmas Frog

I was walking on the beach and remembered this joke from a long time ago…

A wife is shopping for a Christmas present for her husband, and as with many couples, she had no idea at all what to get.

She is walking past a pet store, when the sign in the window catches her eye; “Christmas ...

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A mother baking in Somalia

One day a mother was baking bread in Somalia, when her son thought it would be awesome to play white. So he threw flour all over him and said "Mommy, look! I'm white".

His mother slapped him instantly and said "Go to your father and show him what you've done."
His father slapped him i...

Why does Mr. Hankey like to hang out in bakeries?

Cuz gosh, they sure do smell all nice and flour-y...

An old king was about to pass away

He called his three sons before his sickbed. He gave each of them some coins and asked them to buy something to fill the room, whoever can fill the room the best will be declared his successor.

The eldest prince went to the market and bought a cart of straws. Despite his best effort, he only ...

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .

Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours...

When I was a boy, mum would send me down to the store with $5

I'd come back with a sack of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 liters of milk, 2 kilos of flour plain and self-raising AND have a pocket full of candy. You can't do that anymore. These days there are too many security cameras.

Have you heard of the boy made of bread?

Apparently nobody wanted to take him in...

Good thing they used self-raising flour!

A mexican boy with the desire to be white

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.

He says, "Mom, look, I'm a white boy!" His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father."

He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look...

A man and a woman are riding a bus.

The woman looks over and notices the man's fly is open.

She tells him, "Sir, your store is open."

The man promptly zips his fly.

After a few moments he asks, "Did you happen to see the store's owner?"

The woman replies, "No, but I saw a drunk stocker laying on two sacks...

A middle eastern restaurant owner bought a new waffle iron.

He wasn't sure how to use it, so he chopped up some chickpeas, rolled them in flour and pressed them between the grates.

The mayor of the town stopped by that day, excited to try the new dish.

But when he took his first bite, the mayor declared it was so bad he would ban it from being ...

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A man decides to buy his family a pet

So he goes downtown to a new pet store that's advertising exotic animals. Walking around the store the man sees a frog on sale for $1,500 and asks the cashier "why is this frog so expensive?"

The cashier chuckles a little and says "well that sir isn't just any frog, it's a South American blow...

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A little black boy was in the kitchen helping his mother baking...

the kid gets the flour and puts it all over his face and says, 'look momma, I'm a white boy'. His mother slapped him and told him to go to his father and show him what he's done.
So the kid goes to his father and says 'look poppa I'm a white boy'. The father punches him in disgust and sends him ...

What is a Klansman's favorite ingredient to bake with?

White flour

A Mexican boy and his grandmother were making enchiladas....

A Mexican boy and his grandmother were making enchiladas when the boy grabbed some flour and smeared it on his face and said "Grandma look! I'm a white boy!". The grandmother immediately slapped him and said "Go talk to your mother!". The boy finds his mother in the garden and says "Mama look! I'm a...

And old man..

..watched his grandson go to the store with a dollar and come back with only a bottle of water and shook his head. He said, "Back in my day, my mother would send me to the store with a dollar and I'd come back with half a dozen eggs, two cartons of milk, a pack of cigs, and a bag of flour. You can't...

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The story of Mr. Green.

Mrs. Barker, Elementary school teacher,was telling her students a wonderful story. It was for the English lesson that Mrs. Barker improvised to keep her lessons engaging. This was one off her stories.

Once there was once a world where humans were either red, yellow or green.

One day ...

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A man took his 3 kids to a maze

His kids' names are Flour, Sugar, and Butter. The four of them split up in the maze to try to solve it. Along the way, Dad bumps into Butter. They exchange surprised looks and laughs and continue on their way. After 10 more minutes, Dad bumps into Butter again. They repeat the previous exchange and ...

My grandad lost his job after the war as a coleman's mustard powder salesman.

His boss told him to mix it with other cheaper powders like flour and chalk but grandad was an honest man, and would only ever sell genuine 100% pure stuff.

His boss fired him as he plainly didn't cut the mustard

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How to make Emo Cupcakes

What You'll need:

Cupcake Tray

An oven

Milk

Butter

Eggs

Flour

Sugar

We're

Going

Down

Swingin'

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It's ok, a black guy told me this

A little black boy, pretending to be white, covers his face in flour. He goes over to his father and says, "Daddy, Daddy! Look I'm white!"

The father, with a quick smack says, "Boy! Go show yo mother"

The boy runs over to his mother and exclaims, "Mommy, Mommy! Look I'm white!"

...

I was watching a french man make a cake...

I admired his enthusiasm. He grabbed the flour, added it to the bowl, and started adding the wet ingredients. Intrigued about his recipe, I asked "hey man, how many eggs did you use for your cake?"

The French man replied, "un oeuf."

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag

And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread?

Flour power

And when a lot of people do it at the same time?

a rye-ot

Did you guys hear Kanye is going gluten-free?

He said no one man should have all that flour.

My robust wife is mad at me because I misunderstood her when she demanded flowers the next time we made love....

...and so that night, with a bag of flour in my hands all I said was: "I thought you wanted this to roll in so I could find the wet spot"

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