Are you Pizza dough?

Cause i’d like to slam you on the table and spread you out.

A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me.

So I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

What did the baker say when he found his lost dough?

That’s exactly what I kneaded!

An employee at the cookie factory fell into the dough mixing vat.

It looks like he's going to make it, but he was badly battered.

If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"

Credit to my friend Chris

What did the dough say to the rolling pin after receiving a compliment?

You flatter me.

What do you see when the pillsbury dough boy bends over?

Donuts
(I’ll see myself out)

Why are artisan bakeries so expensive?

Because the bakers knead the dough..

An unconscious pizza maker was admitted to the hospital

They called him John Dough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Turns out the way we make dough is due to sexual reproduction involving the yeast used being from the same family

This has led to inbread results

I feel like I should invest in Bread

Might sound crazy, but over time it'll make me a lot of dough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Why is dough horny?

Because it kneads to be bread

What do you get when you cross Barbie with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A doll with a yeast infection.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the easiest way to turn dough into cake?

Give it to a stripper

Why did the topping leave the pizza dough?

Because it was too kneady!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

What holiday celebrates the rising of dough?

Yeaster.

What kind of dough does a gamer use?

Nintedough!

What did the lonely ball of dough say?

Noone kneads me :(

I ate too much cookie dough and got sick

It was an overdoughse.

Someone again stole 40% of my dough.

ugh.

Me: Three scoops of Cookie Dough in a tub, please.

Vendor: You wanna spoon?

Me: ... OK, what time do you get off?

I was super worried, but then someone shoved dough, cheese and sauce into my head.

Now I have pizza mind.

Why can't cookies dough hold a steady job?

Because it's always getting baked.

My girlfriend gave me a steamed ball of dough filled with meat and veggies.

I think she's dumpling me.

Where does dough come from?

Doughnut

Did you hear about the dough you don't even have to touch?

No kneed.

A baker I know got rich by accident and now he’s rolling in dough.

No bun intended

A hero made of dough wasn't the hero we wanted...

He was the hero we kneaded.

My wife just got done making some cookie dough.

Wife: "Do you want to lick clean one of the beaters?"
Me: "Does it have raw egg in it?"
Wife: "It does..."
Me: "Well, I could get sick... But that's a whisk I'm willing to take."

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

Why couldn't the baker pay their bills?

They ran out of dough.

Why didn't the dough boy take his medication?

His pills were buried.

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

A woman living on a shtetl in Poland goes to see her rabbi

"Rabbi!" she says. "My son Avram has a very strange fear - he is afraid of kreplach!"

The rabbi says, "Kreplach? He's afraid of the meat dumplings we make for Rosh Hashanah?"

She nods. "Yes. I've tried to tell him there's nothing to be afraid of, but whenever he sees kreplach he runs o...

What do you have in common with bread dough?

If you get baked you're more likely to loaf around.

Why can’t the pilsbury dough boy get a hooker?

They keep getting yeast infections

The best pizza I ever had was just a plain dough base

Nothing topped that.

How do you unlock a door made of dough

With a cookey

Girl, your booty is like dough...

I knead it.

The misunderstanding (joke)

One day, a man from America who has recently moved to Britain, is meeting with an employer. The employer says “ hi, it’s nice to meet you! So what did you do for a living in America?”. The man replies “oh,I was a baker”, but because of the different accents, the employer heard “ oh, I was a banker “...

I got a new job at a bakery.

I took the job because I kneaded the dough.

What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough?

YEEST

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

What do you call it when the Pillsbury dough boy smokes weed?

He gets baked.

A baker was kneading some dough...

...and as he kneaded, he counted each fold, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve..."

The baker's wife interrupted, "You missed one there."

"No I didn't," replied the baker. "I'm making uneleavened bread."

As a baker, dough is not just something that I want

It's something that I knead

Why did Mrs Dough divorce Mr Dough?

He was too kneady

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is donkey bread made of?

Dat ass dough…

Did you hear about the two loaves of bread that fell in love?

They decided to raise some dough, put a bun in the oven, and grow mold together.

I really want to make a joke about unfinished dough

But its not kneaded.

A depressed French baker sobs bitterly into the dough...

His life is pain.

A muffin and dough and are having a conversation.

And the muffin says, "Dude, everything is energy man; it's all energy swirling around. Good energy, and bad energy, and it all depends on what energy you tap into. It's like the planets and electrons and stuff; everything is swirling."
The dough replies, "Dude, you're baked."

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery

As they are standing at the counter, the Englishman quietly picks up 3 buns stows them away in his pocket.

He turns slightly towards the Irishman, saying quietly, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The baker didn't even see me."

The Irishman scoffed back, "That's jus...

I once worked at a cheap pizzeria to get by.

I kneaded the dough.

Pillsbury Dough Boy obit

Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy was survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough,...

What’s another name for pickled bread?

Dill dough

"Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father."

"Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of Marshall Arts does Challah Bread do?

JEW DOUGH!!

What is the best paying job in the world?

I don’t know, but pizza chefs sure make a lot of dough

A young man goes off to college

A young man goes off to college, but about one-third of the way through the semester, he's foolishly squandered the money his parents had given him.

"Hmmmm," he wonders. "How am I going to go about getting more dough?" Then he gets and idea and phones his father.

"Dad, you won't be...

Why did the baker rob the bank?

Because he kneads the dough.

A health official walked into a local bakery for an inspection.

She was immediately appalled when she saw the owner smashing the dough against his bare chest before flattening it out on the table. Speechless, she grabbed her pen and notebook and started writing a citation. Seeing the disgust on her face, one of the customers walked up to the health official a...

My sister while kneading dough:

"This hand workout dough!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Donald Went Down to Georgia

The Donald went down to Georgia.

He was lookin' for a vote to steal.

He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind.

He was willing to make a deal

When he came across this old man givin' a speech and doin' it hot.

And the Donald jumped upon a hickory stump and said "Man...

Mother Superior was curious as why all the nuns were suddenly eager to visit the village bakery.

So she decided to journey from the convent and into town to find out for herself.

When she entered the bakery, the baker greeted her with a big smile.

“Greetings Sister! What can I get for you today?”

“What do you suggest?” She asked.

“Well, this new recipe of mine has ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi.

So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies an...

Sourdough

My wife is making her infamous pickled bread this Thanksgiving. She uses that dill dough....

I was going to open a bakery

But I couldn't raise the dough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. [OC]

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. Whenever we are walking in public and he sees a girl he likes, he always says, “Look at that ass tho.”

After years of getting fed up with his comments, I decide to make him a sculpture for his birthday. I carved ...

I met a baker who purposefully burnt his bread.

He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.

I wouldn't think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.

Why are rich people bad at running a bakery?

Because they don’t knead the dough

So there was this Baker who did a favor for his friend. The friend said "thank you very much, I really appreciate it." The baker replied.

"It's not a problem, it's the yeast I could dough."

What do you call a secret agent working in a Bakery?

John Dough!

I made some dill flavoured bread yesterday

I used the juice from a jar of dill pickles. The issue is I made far too much mix. I tried to give it to my friends and family but none of them wanted any of my left over used dill dough!

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