What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts

What do you get when you cross Barbie with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A doll with a yeast infection.

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What's the easiest way to turn dough into cake?

Give it to a stripper

A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me.

So I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

I ate too much cookie dough and got sick

It was an overdoughse.

What did the lonely ball of dough say?

Noone kneads me :(

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BB'S In The Cookie Dough

(This is an older joke but one of my favorites)

Three children always go to their Grandmothers house for Christmas Eve.

Every Christmas Eve their Grandmother would prepare a big bowl of cookie dough that they would all bake cookies with on Christmas morning.

Yet every Christmas ...

What did the dough say to the rolling pin after receiving a compliment?

You flatter me.

Why did the boat made of dough, covered in mozarella and sauce not sail very well?

It was a pizza ship

Why did the topping leave the pizza dough?

Because it was too kneady!

Me: Three scoops of Cookie Dough in a tub, please.

Vendor: You wanna spoon?

Me: ... OK, what time do you get off?

What holiday celebrates the rising of dough?

Yeaster.

Where does dough come from?

Doughnut

Did you hear about the dough you don't even have to touch?

No kneed.

Mother Superior was curious as why all the nuns were suddenly eager to visit the village bakery.

So she decided to journey from the convent and into town to find out for herself.

When she entered the bakery, the baker greeted her with a big smile.

“Greetings Sister! What can I get for you today?”

“What do you suggest?” She asked.

“Well, this new recipe of mine has ...

What kind of dough does a gamer use?

Nintedough!

Why did I accept a job at a bakery?

I kneaded the dough.

My girlfriend gave me a steamed ball of dough filled with meat and veggies.

I think she's dumpling me.

Why didn't the dough boy take his medication?

His pills were buried.

I was super worried, but then someone shoved dough, cheese and sauce into my head.

Now I have pizza mind.

Someone again stole 40% of my dough.

ugh.

If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"

Credit to my friend Chris

What do you have in common with bread dough?

If you get baked you're more likely to loaf around.

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

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The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

A baker I know got rich by accident and now he’s rolling in dough.

No bun intended

A hero made of dough wasn't the hero we wanted...

He was the hero we kneaded.

Why did the baker rob the bank?

Because he kneads the dough.

I was going to open a bakery

But I couldn't raise the dough.

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A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi.

So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies an...

I made some dill flavoured bread yesterday

I used the juice from a jar of dill pickles. The issue is I made far too much mix. I tried to give it to my friends and family but none of them wanted any of my left over used dill dough!

Ya'll seem to like puns, so:

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

• I changed my iPod’s name to Tita...

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

My wife just got done making some cookie dough.

Wife: "Do you want to lick clean one of the beaters?"
Me: "Does it have raw egg in it?"
Wife: "It does..."
Me: "Well, I could get sick... But that's a whisk I'm willing to take."

A young man goes off to college

A young man goes off to college, but about one-third of the way through the semester, he's foolishly squandered the money his parents had given him.

"Hmmmm," he wonders. "How am I going to go about getting more dough?" Then he gets and idea and phones his father.

"Dad, you won't be...

Ukrainian mother-in-law joke

The morning after the wedding, the newlywed couple is sitting at the kitchen table when they are joined by the bride's mother. The husband, still slightly drunk from last night, decides that now is the proper time to display his manly authority.

He starts by calmly issuing his demands. "For b...

Why can’t the pilsbury dough boy get a hooker?

They keep getting yeast infections

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were three nuns on a pilgrimage.

They were walking through the desert when they realised that they had run out of food and water however the youngest of the nuns found that she had a small bag of flour.

“Sister,” said the mother superior. “Please urinate in the flour, make a dough and then we may bake it so that we may break...

A health official walked into a local bakery for an inspection.

She was immediately appalled when she saw the owner smashing the dough against his bare chest before flattening it out on the table. Speechless, she grabbed her pen and notebook and started writing a citation. Seeing the disgust on her face, one of the customers walked up to the health official a...

A young man has finished his first shift as a baker

When he comes home his dad asks him, "Have you earned any dough?"

Why can't cookies dough hold a steady job?

Because it's always getting baked.

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I’ve been thinking of getting a pickle bread enema, but I’m having second thoughts.

I’m not sure how I feel about putting a dill dough up my ass.

What do you call a secret agent working in a Bakery?

John Dough!

Why do you want to work at this bakery?

I knead the dough

The best pizza I ever had was just a plain dough base

Nothing topped that.

A baker was kneading some dough...

...and as he kneaded, he counted each fold, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve..."

The baker's wife interrupted, "You missed one there."

"No I didn't," replied the baker. "I'm making uneleavened bread."

What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough?

YEEST

Girl, your booty is like dough...

I knead it.

What did the bread dough say to the lonely baker?

It’s nice to be kneaded

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why shouldn’t you mess with a bagel shop owner?

They know Jew dough

What did the pizza maker say before robbing a bank?

"I may love making pizza, but I still knead the dough."

Why did Mrs Dough divorce Mr Dough?

He was too kneady

How do you unlock a door made of dough

With a cookey

I really want to make a joke about unfinished dough

But its not kneaded.

It is really sad what is happening to the local businesses around our town.

The bra manufacturer has gone bust;
the specialist in submersibles has gone under;
the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation;
a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers;
the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded;
the Heinz factory has be...

Did you know that dough is necessary to have bread?

In other words: you knead dough to make bread

I met a baker who purposefully burnt his bread.

He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.

I wouldn't think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.

What do you call money made in the Pickle Industry?

Dill Dough.

A depressed French baker sobs bitterly into the dough...

His life is pain.

A muffin and dough and are having a conversation.

And the muffin says, "Dude, everything is energy man; it's all energy swirling around. Good energy, and bad energy, and it all depends on what energy you tap into. It's like the planets and electrons and stuff; everything is swirling."
The dough replies, "Dude, you're baked."

So there was this Baker who did a favor for his friend. The friend said "thank you very much, I really appreciate it." The baker replied.

"It's not a problem, it's the yeast I could dough."

What did all the boys from the hood call the Pillsbury Dough boy after he got super baked?

Cracker.

My sister while kneading dough:

"This hand workout dough!"

What did the baker say to his girlfriend?

Doughs before hoes.

Which martial art is the bakers favorite?

Tae Kwon Dough

Why did the man go into the pizza business?

He wanted to make some dough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bialy and Bagel Factory

The health inspector goes to make his surprise visit to a bialy and bagel factory for it's annual inspection. There, he see a large, hairy shirtless man picking up bialy dough from a conveyor belt and pressing it into his man boob, living the bialy indentation and putting it back on the conveyor be...

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

Pillsbury Dough Boy obit

Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy was survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough,...

"Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father."

"Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"

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My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. [OC]

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. Whenever we are walking in public and he sees a girl he likes, he always says, “Look at that ass tho.”

After years of getting fed up with his comments, I decide to make him a sculpture for his birthday. I carved ...

Why are baking recipes so secretive?

They're on a knead the dough basis

Why did the Stock Broker quit his job to become a Baker?

He overheard some great advice. "BUY DOUGH, SELL PIE!"


....I'll see myself out.

What did the pastry chef say to his boss to get a raise?

I knead dough

What do you call one of Emma Schuester's son's if they are rich?

A Pillsbury dough boy.

My local pizza place is struggling to stay afloat

They really knead the dough

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

I think my local bakers gone mad

Apparently he frequents the homeless shelter and is trying to make a dough-nation.

Did you hear about the guy who took a second job as a pizza chef?

He kneaded the dough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If someone can make good matzo don’t mess with them.

They’re an expert at Jew dough.

So this vampire wants to bake some cookies...

It's a gloomy day, and this vampire thinks some chocolate chip cookies will cheer him up. Now he's not much of a baker, so he decided to walk to the store from some of that fine, premade cookie dough. He's walking home, excited, and the weather's clearing up and the sun is coming out. It's turning ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tax Poem

Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.

Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teac...

I work as a mortician, and recently had a case of an unidentified murder victim who was killed in a bakery

I had to mark him down as a Jon dough.in the file.

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