What did the baker say when he found his lost dough?

That’s exactly what I kneaded!

What do you see when the pillsbury dough boy bends over?

Donuts
(I’ll see myself out)

An employee at the cookie factory fell into the dough mixing vat.

It looks like he's going to make it, but he was badly battered.

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Turns out the way we make dough is due to sexual reproduction involving the yeast used being from the same family

This has led to inbread results

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[NSFW] Why is dough horny?

Because it kneads to be bread

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The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday...

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.


The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.


Doughboy is ...

The misunderstanding (joke)

One day, a man from America who has recently moved to Britain, is meeting with an employer. The employer says “ hi, it’s nice to meet you! So what did you do for a living in America?”. The man replies “oh,I was a baker”, but because of the different accents, the employer heard “ oh, I was a banker “...

I got a new job at a bakery.

I took the job because I kneaded the dough.

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

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If the Pillsbury Dough Boy did porn what would the money shot be called?

Dough nut

What do you get when you cross Barbie with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A doll with a yeast infection.

A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me.

So I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

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What's the easiest way to turn dough into cake?

Give it to a stripper

If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"

Credit to my friend Chris

What did the dough say to the rolling pin after receiving a compliment?

You flatter me.

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What is donkey bread made of?

Dat ass dough…

What do you use to make pickle bread?

Dill dough

Why did the boat made of dough, covered in mozarella and sauce not sail very well?

It was a pizza ship

Why did the topping leave the pizza dough?

Because it was too kneady!

What holiday celebrates the rising of dough?

Yeaster.

Why did the baker bake more bread?

Because he was needing dough.

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BB'S In The Cookie Dough

(This is an older joke but one of my favorites)

Three children always go to their Grandmothers house for Christmas Eve.

Every Christmas Eve their Grandmother would prepare a big bowl of cookie dough that they would all bake cookies with on Christmas morning.

Yet every Christmas ...

What did the lonely ball of dough say?

Noone kneads me :(

What kind of dough does a gamer use?

Nintedough!

I ate too much cookie dough and got sick

It was an overdoughse.

Me: Three scoops of Cookie Dough in a tub, please.

Vendor: You wanna spoon?

Me: ... OK, what time do you get off?

Where does dough come from?

Doughnut

What’s another name for pickled bread?

Dill dough

Someone again stole 40% of my dough.

ugh.

I was super worried, but then someone shoved dough, cheese and sauce into my head.

Now I have pizza mind.

My girlfriend gave me a steamed ball of dough filled with meat and veggies.

I think she's dumpling me.

A baker I know got rich by accident and now he’s rolling in dough.

No bun intended

A hero made of dough wasn't the hero we wanted...

He was the hero we kneaded.

Why can't cookies dough hold a steady job?

Because it's always getting baked.

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

My wife just got done making some cookie dough.

Wife: "Do you want to lick clean one of the beaters?"
Me: "Does it have raw egg in it?"
Wife: "It does..."
Me: "Well, I could get sick... But that's a whisk I'm willing to take."

Did you hear about the two loaves of bread that fell in love?

They decided to raise some dough, put a bun in the oven, and grow mold together.

Did you hear about the dough you don't even have to touch?

No kneed.

Why didn't the dough boy take his medication?

His pills were buried.

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

What do you have in common with bread dough?

If you get baked you're more likely to loaf around.

I once worked at a cheap pizzeria to get by.

I kneaded the dough.

Why can’t the pilsbury dough boy get a hooker?

They keep getting yeast infections

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery

As they are standing at the counter, the Englishman quietly picks up 3 buns stows them away in his pocket.

He turns slightly towards the Irishman, saying quietly, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The baker didn't even see me."

The Irishman scoffed back, "That's jus...

The best pizza I ever had was just a plain dough base

Nothing topped that.

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What kind of Marshall Arts does Challah Bread do?

JEW DOUGH!!

Girl, your booty is like dough...

I knead it.

How do you unlock a door made of dough

With a cookey

What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough?

YEEST

What do you call it when the Pillsbury dough boy smokes weed?

He gets baked.

A baker was kneading some dough...

...and as he kneaded, he counted each fold, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve..."

The baker's wife interrupted, "You missed one there."

"No I didn't," replied the baker. "I'm making uneleavened bread."

Why did Mrs Dough divorce Mr Dough?

He was too kneady

As a baker, dough is not just something that I want

It's something that I knead

I really want to make a joke about unfinished dough

But its not kneaded.

A depressed French baker sobs bitterly into the dough...

His life is pain.

Pillsbury Dough Boy obit

Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy was survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough,...

Did you know that dough is necessary to have bread?

In other words: you knead dough to make bread

A muffin and dough and are having a conversation.

And the muffin says, "Dude, everything is energy man; it's all energy swirling around. Good energy, and bad energy, and it all depends on what energy you tap into. It's like the planets and electrons and stuff; everything is swirling."
The dough replies, "Dude, you're baked."

What is the best paying job in the world?

I don’t know, but pizza chefs sure make a lot of dough

What did the angry dough ball say to the other dough ball?

You trying to get a rise out of me!

Came up with while I was making pizza.

"Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father."

"Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"

Mother Superior was curious as why all the nuns were suddenly eager to visit the village bakery.

So she decided to journey from the convent and into town to find out for herself.

When she entered the bakery, the baker greeted her with a big smile.

“Greetings Sister! What can I get for you today?”

“What do you suggest?” She asked.

“Well, this new recipe of mine has ...

A health official walked into a local bakery for an inspection.

She was immediately appalled when she saw the owner smashing the dough against his bare chest before flattening it out on the table. Speechless, she grabbed her pen and notebook and started writing a citation. Seeing the disgust on her face, one of the customers walked up to the health official a...

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The Donald Went Down to Georgia

The Donald went down to Georgia.

He was lookin' for a vote to steal.

He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind.

He was willing to make a deal

When he came across this old man givin' a speech and doin' it hot.

And the Donald jumped upon a hickory stump and said "Man...

My sister while kneading dough:

"This hand workout dough!"

Sourdough

My wife is making her infamous pickled bread this Thanksgiving. She uses that dill dough....

A young man goes off to college

A young man goes off to college, but about one-third of the way through the semester, he's foolishly squandered the money his parents had given him.

"Hmmmm," he wonders. "How am I going to go about getting more dough?" Then he gets and idea and phones his father.

"Dad, you won't be...

Why did the baker rob the bank?

Because he kneads the dough.

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A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi.

So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies an...

Did you hear about the new pickle pizza?

It’s made with a dill-dough

I was going to open a bakery

But I couldn't raise the dough.

Ukrainian mother-in-law joke

The morning after the wedding, the newlywed couple is sitting at the kitchen table when they are joined by the bride's mother. The husband, still slightly drunk from last night, decides that now is the proper time to display his manly authority.

He starts by calmly issuing his demands. "For b...

Why are rich people bad at running a bakery?

Because they don’t knead the dough

Ya'll seem to like puns, so:

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

• I changed my iPod’s name to Tita...

I made some dill flavoured bread yesterday

I used the juice from a jar of dill pickles. The issue is I made far too much mix. I tried to give it to my friends and family but none of them wanted any of my left over used dill dough!

I met a baker who purposefully burnt his bread.

He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.

I wouldn't think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.

What do you call a secret agent working in a Bakery?

John Dough!

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My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. [OC]

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. Whenever we are walking in public and he sees a girl he likes, he always says, “Look at that ass tho.”

After years of getting fed up with his comments, I decide to make him a sculpture for his birthday. I carved ...

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There were three nuns on a pilgrimage.

They were walking through the desert when they realised that they had run out of food and water however the youngest of the nuns found that she had a small bag of flour.

“Sister,” said the mother superior. “Please urinate in the flour, make a dough and then we may bake it so that we may break...

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I’ve been thinking of getting a pickle bread enema, but I’m having second thoughts.

I’m not sure how I feel about putting a dill dough up my ass.

My obese Ex-wife, Ally, worked in a Californian grenade factory. She got struck by a grenade during her lunch break while covered in sticky urine.

Supper Cali frag a lick stick ex pee Ally dough sus

So there was this Baker who did a favor for his friend. The friend said "thank you very much, I really appreciate it." The baker replied.

"It's not a problem, it's the yeast I could dough."

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Why shouldn’t you mess with a bagel shop owner?

They know Jew dough

Why did the man go into the pizza business?

He wanted to make some dough.

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