UPJOKE
flourbreadpastrybiscuitpastacaketortillawheatyeastmuffinloafcookiepancakepiekneading

Dough Jokes

You hear about the French baker who fell into his mixer while it was full of dough.

He was in a lot of pain.

Why does the Pillsbury Dough Boy have so many health issues?

Because he was inbread.

The baker’s new puppy cost a lot of dough.

He was a pure bread.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection!

If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"

Credit to my friend Chris

What did the hopeless romantic baker say to his dough?

l knead you.

I worked at a restaurant that specializes in pizza, but I got fired for getting my finger caught in the dough roller...

...she got fired too.

I used to work in a pizza shop

It didn't pay much but I kneaded the dough.

Are you Pizza dough?

Cause i’d like to slam you on the table and spread you out.

A baker recently joined MI5…

… he was given confidential information on a knead the dough basis

A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me.

So I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

My cousin died recently in an accident at the bakery....

He always said he wanted me to be a baker too, he told me I was bread for baking. I never tried it because I wanted to do it for the right reasons, not just because I knead the dough... then I found out that he was killed... a new baker put too much yeast in a large batch of dough and it rose too mu...

What did the baker say when he found his lost dough?

That’s exactly what I kneaded!

An employee at the cookie factory fell into the dough mixing vat.

It looks like he's going to make it, but he was badly battered.

What did the dough say to the rolling pin after receiving a compliment?

You flatter me.

My cross-eyed bull

Did I ever tell you about the cross eyed bull I bought?
I couldn't put it in the shows, at least, that's what I thought.

but a friend comes out and says, “hold on pard’ let me have a look.
them eyes ain’t that bad. Call up a vet.  His number's in the book.”

Well I didn't have...

Why was the baker so good with their finances?

They had a lot of practice working with dough.

The Dean at the community college called in her English as a Second Language (ESL) professor after all of his students stormed out of his first class and withdrew from the college.

"What in the world did you do to those students to make them all leave on the first day of class?", she asked him.

"Not much, I just gave them one sentence to read.", he replied.

"What was the sentence?", she wanted to know.

"John thought he was being thorough although all he di...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Turns out the way we make dough is due to sexual reproduction involving the yeast used being from the same family

This has led to inbread results

Why did the topping leave the pizza dough?

Because it was too kneady!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Why is dough horny?

Because it kneads to be bread

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

Ina Garten said she bakes dishes 10 times before baking them for guests.

Must be nice to have all that dough.

Why can't cookies dough hold a steady job?

Because it's always getting baked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the Pillsbury Dough Boy did porn what would the money shot be called?

Dough nut

Did you hear about the exorcist who went to Domino's?

Apparently the pizza dough had the Mark of The Yeast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BB'S In The Cookie Dough

(This is an older joke but one of my favorites)

Three children always go to their Grandmothers house for Christmas Eve.

Every Christmas Eve their Grandmother would prepare a big bowl of cookie dough that they would all bake cookies with on Christmas morning.

Yet every Christmas ...

What kind of dough does a gamer use?

Nintedough!

Someone again stole 40% of my dough.

ugh.

I ate too much cookie dough and got sick

It was an overdoughse.

What holiday celebrates the rising of dough?

Yeaster.

I was super worried, but then someone shoved dough, cheese and sauce into my head.

Now I have pizza mind.

Me: Three scoops of Cookie Dough in a tub, please.

Vendor: You wanna spoon?

Me: ... OK, what time do you get off?

What did the lonely ball of dough say?

Noone kneads me :(

Where does dough come from?

Doughnut

My wife just got done making some cookie dough.

Wife: "Do you want to lick clean one of the beaters?"
Me: "Does it have raw egg in it?"
Wife: "It does..."
Me: "Well, I could get sick... But that's a whisk I'm willing to take."

The Pilsbury Dough Boy died today.

He was killed in a carb bomb.

A hero made of dough wasn't the hero we wanted...

He was the hero we kneaded.

How do you unlock a door made of dough

With a cookey

I'm the laziest baker ever, so I was actually happy when someone stole my sourdough.

Whoever it was, I'm sure they knead it more than I did.

Did you hear about the dough you don't even have to touch?

No kneed.

The best pizza I ever had was just a plain dough base

Nothing topped that.

Girl, your booty is like dough...

I knead it.

What do you have in common with bread dough?

If you get baked you're more likely to loaf around.

Why can’t the pilsbury dough boy get a hooker?

They keep getting yeast infections

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough?

YEEST

Why don't they make pickles and bread in the same room?

Because you'd end up making a dil-dough

Did you hear about the guy that stopped a robbery at his favorite bargain pizza place?

He wanted to save some dough.

I asked my local baker the secret to making two loaves of bread at once...

He said "It's a knead two dough basis..."

Why didn't the dough boy take his medication?

His pills were buried.

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

What did Yoda say when the bakery was out of Pies?

Dough. Or Doughnut. There is no Pie.

What do you call it when the Pillsbury dough boy smokes weed?

He gets baked.

A baker was kneading some dough...

...and as he kneaded, he counted each fold, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve..."

The baker's wife interrupted, "You missed one there."

"No I didn't," replied the baker. "I'm making uneleavened bread."

I really want to make a joke about unfinished dough

But its not kneaded.

Pillsbury Dough Boy obit

Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy was survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough,...

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

A muffin and dough and are having a conversation.

And the muffin says, "Dude, everything is energy man; it's all energy swirling around. Good energy, and bad energy, and it all depends on what energy you tap into. It's like the planets and electrons and stuff; everything is swirling."
The dough replies, "Dude, you're baked."

Did you know that dough is necessary to have bread?

In other words: you knead dough to make bread

"Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father."

"Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"

What is a baker’s favorite type of dog?

Pure Bread Dough-bermann.

I feel like I should invest in Bread

Might sound crazy, but over time it'll make me a lot of dough

An unconscious pizza maker was admitted to the hospital

They called him John Dough

Why are artisan bakeries so expensive?

Because the bakers knead the dough..

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery

As they are standing at the counter, the Englishman quietly picks up 3 buns stows them away in his pocket.

He turns slightly towards the Irishman, saying quietly, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The baker didn't even see me."

The Irishman scoffed back, "That's jus...

A woman living on a shtetl in Poland goes to see her rabbi

"Rabbi!" she says. "My son Avram has a very strange fear - he is afraid of kreplach!"

The rabbi says, "Kreplach? He's afraid of the meat dumplings we make for Rosh Hashanah?"

She nods. "Yes. I've tried to tell him there's nothing to be afraid of, but whenever he sees kreplach he runs o...

The misunderstanding (joke)

One day, a man from America who has recently moved to Britain, is meeting with an employer. The employer says “ hi, it’s nice to meet you! So what did you do for a living in America?”. The man replies “oh,I was a baker”, but because of the different accents, the employer heard “ oh, I was a banker “...

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

My sister while kneading dough:

"This hand workout dough!"

I got a new job at a bakery.

I took the job because I kneaded the dough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is donkey bread made of?

Dat ass dough…

I once worked at a cheap pizzeria to get by.

I kneaded the dough.

Why couldn't the baker pay their bills?

They ran out of dough.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.