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Dough Jokes

An employee at the cookie factory fell into the dough mixing vat.

It looks like he's going to make it, but he was badly battered.

If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"

Credit to my friend Chris

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Turns out the way we make dough is due to sexual reproduction involving the yeast used being from the same family

This has led to inbread results

What do you have in common with bread dough?

If you get baked you're more likely to loaf around.

The baker’s new puppy cost a lot of dough.

He was a pure bread.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tony ambled into a bar, and noticed a bucket behind the counter filled to the brim with cash. "Is there a contest on to win that dough?" Tony asked the bartender. "Yep," the barkeep responded, "It costs $50 to enter, and then you have to do three things:

First you've got to knock out Spike, our 300-pound bouncer. Then we've got a pit bull out back with an abscessed tooth, and it's up to you to yank it out. Finally, the 90-year old lady who owns this place is upstairs. If you can give her a multiple-orgasm, all the money's yours."
Tony was up for ...

What did the hopeless romantic baker say to his dough?

l knead you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection!

I heard that when the Pillsbury dough boy got older..

He turned into a really crumby person.

What did the baker say when he found his lost dough?

That’s exactly what I kneaded!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BB'S In The Cookie Dough

(This is an older joke but one of my favorites)

Three children always go to their Grandmothers house for Christmas Eve.

Every Christmas Eve their Grandmother would prepare a big bowl of cookie dough that they would all bake cookies with on Christmas morning.

Yet every Christmas ...

Why does the Pillsbury Dough Boy have so many health issues?

Because he was inbread.

You hear about the French baker who fell into his mixer while it was full of dough.

He was in a lot of pain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me.

So I said, “You wanna pizza me?”

What did the lonely ball of dough say?

Noone kneads me :(

What kind of dough does a gamer use?

Nintedough!

What did the dough say to the rolling pin after receiving a compliment?

You flatter me.

Are you Pizza dough?

Cause i’d like to slam you on the table and spread you out.

Why can't cookies dough hold a steady job?

Because it's always getting baked.

I worked at a restaurant that specializes in pizza, but I got fired for getting my finger caught in the dough roller...

...she got fired too.

Where does dough come from?

Doughnut

What holiday celebrates the rising of dough?

Yeaster.

Why did the topping leave the pizza dough?

Because it was too kneady!

I ate too much cookie dough and got sick

It was an overdoughse.

Sourdough

Sourdough is like regular dough except it holds grudges and hates seeing other doughs become successful.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Why is dough horny?

Because it kneads to be bread

Someone again stole 40% of my dough.

ugh.

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

Girl, your booty is like dough...

I knead it.

How do you unlock a door made of dough

With a cookey

My wife just got done making some cookie dough.

Wife: "Do you want to lick clean one of the beaters?"
Me: "Does it have raw egg in it?"
Wife: "It does..."
Me: "Well, I could get sick... But that's a whisk I'm willing to take."

A baker was kneading some dough...

...and as he kneaded, he counted each fold, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve..."

The baker's wife interrupted, "You missed one there."

"No I didn't," replied the baker. "I'm making uneleavened bread."

Steven Seagal is a 7th degree master of Kukido.

Kukido is the martial art that enables you to fight an opponent, while discreetly checking his pockets for cookie dough. KUKIDO!

A hero made of dough wasn't the hero we wanted...

He was the hero we kneaded.

Why didn't the dough boy take his medication?

His pills were buried.

Me: Three scoops of Cookie Dough in a tub, please.

Vendor: You wanna spoon?

Me: ... OK, what time do you get off?

Why can’t the pilsbury dough boy get a hooker?

They keep getting yeast infections

The best pizza I ever had was just a plain dough base

Nothing topped that.

I used to be a baker...

...but I couldn't make enough dough.

My mom asked me how to make dill bread

For some reason she wasn't happy when I told her to use a dill dough...

I was super worried, but then someone shoved dough, cheese and sauce into my head.

Now I have pizza mind.

Pillsbury Dough Boy obit

Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy was survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough,...

Did you hear about the dough you don't even have to touch?

No kneed.

I really want to make a joke about unfinished dough

But its not kneaded.

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

My Bakery kickstarter failed.

I just couldn't raise the dough.

What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough?

YEEST

What do you call it when the Pillsbury dough boy smokes weed?

He gets baked.

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

Did you know that dough is necessary to have bread?

In other words: you knead dough to make bread

My sister while kneading dough:

"This hand workout dough!"

A muffin and dough and are having a conversation.

And the muffin says, "Dude, everything is energy man; it's all energy swirling around. Good energy, and bad energy, and it all depends on what energy you tap into. It's like the planets and electrons and stuff; everything is swirling."
The dough replies, "Dude, you're baked."

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery

As they are standing at the counter, the Englishman quietly picks up 3 buns stows them away in his pocket.

He turns slightly towards the Irishman, saying quietly, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The baker didn't even see me."

The Irishman scoffed back, "That's jus...

My cousin died recently in an accident at the bakery....

He always said he wanted me to be a baker too, he told me I was bread for baking. I never tried it because I wanted to do it for the right reasons, not just because I knead the dough... then I found out that he was killed... a new baker put too much yeast in a large batch of dough and it rose too mu...

How do you make a kickass pizza?

You use Tae Kwon Dough

Hey, I started a new business!

“Hey, I started a new business!”

*”Really? What business are you in?”*

“We’ve been building a fleet of bakeries on wheels.”

*”And how’s business?”*

“The dough is just rolling in.”

The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt.

As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.
Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger.
The cook proceeded t...

I used to work in a bakery, didn't really enjoy it and the pay wasn't great...

I just kneaded the dough


I'm sorry, I'll leave now...

A friend of mine knows I'm a baker and asked for a cake as a wedding present

I told him I can't do it for free I am sorry.

He asked why and I said

Sorry, I knead the dough...

Why don't they make pickles and bread in the same room?

Because you'd end up making a dil-dough

Did you hear about the guy that stopped a robbery at his favorite bargain pizza place?

He wanted to save some dough.

Why was the baker so good with their finances?

They had a lot of practice working with dough.

A baker trainee is learning how to make bread.

While preparing the dough, he asks his boss: 'How do I know it no longer needs kneading?' 'As soon as your asscrack gets drippy with sweat', the boss says.

After a while, the trainee, tired of kneading, sticks his hand in his pants.
'No, not yet.'

The misunderstanding (joke)

One day, a man from America who has recently moved to Britain, is meeting with an employer. The employer says “ hi, it’s nice to meet you! So what did you do for a living in America?”. The man replies “oh,I was a baker”, but because of the different accents, the employer heard “ oh, I was a banker “...

Did you hear about the exorcist who went to Domino's?

Apparently the pizza dough had the Mark of The Yeast.

Ina Garten said she bakes dishes 10 times before baking them for guests.

Must be nice to have all that dough.

What did Yoda say when the bakery was out of Pies?

Dough. Or Doughnut. There is no Pie.

I asked my local baker the secret to making two loaves of bread at once...

He said "It's a knead two dough basis..."

What is a baker’s favorite type of dog?

Pure Bread Dough-bermann.

The Dean at the community college called in her English as a Second Language (ESL) professor after all of his students stormed out of his first class and withdrew from the college.

"What in the world did you do to those students to make them all leave on the first day of class?", she asked him.

"Not much, I just gave them one sentence to read.", he replied.

"What was the sentence?", she wanted to know.

"John thought he was being thorough although all he di...

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

An unconscious pizza maker was admitted to the hospital

They called him John Dough

I feel like I should invest in Bread

Might sound crazy, but over time it'll make me a lot of dough

Why do bakers start working so early in the morning?

Because they knead dough.

A baker was training his protege in the kitchen.

The protege gets hungry and starts eating some dough he found on the counter. The baker gets mad and yells, "Hey! I kneaded that!"

"Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father."

"Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"

Why are pizza makers always poor?

Because they knead dough to make a living.

I once worked at a cheap pizzeria to get by.

I kneaded the dough.

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