What did the dough say to the rolling pin after receiving a compliment?

You flatter me.

I ate too much cookie dough and got sick

It was an overdoughse.

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BB'S In The Cookie Dough

(This is an older joke but one of my favorites)

Three children always go to their Grandmothers house for Christmas Eve.

Every Christmas Eve their Grandmother would prepare a big bowl of cookie dough that they would all bake cookies with on Christmas morning.

Yet every Christmas ...

Me: Three scoops of Cookie Dough in a tub, please.

Vendor: You wanna spoon?

Me: ... OK, what time do you get off?

What did the lonely ball of dough say?

Noone kneads me :(

Why did the boat made of dough, covered in mozarella and sauce not sail very well?

It was a pizza ship

What holiday celebrates the rising of dough?

Yeaster.

What kind of dough does a gamer use?

Nintedough!

My girlfriend gave me a steamed ball of dough filled with meat and veggies.

I think she's dumpling me.

Why didn't the dough boy take his medication?

His pills were buried.

Did you hear about the dough you don't even have to touch?

No kneed.

Why did the topping leave the pizza dough?

Because it was too kneady!

Where does dough come from?

Doughnut

What do you call dough-based dessert items outside of a planet's atmosphere?

Spastries

Someone again stole 40% of my dough.

ugh.

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The Pillsbury Dough Boy has died...

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news:

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71.

Doughb...

How does the Cookie Monster pay for his cookies?

With Cookie Dough.

A hero made of dough wasn't the hero we wanted...

He was the hero we kneaded.

A baker I know got rich by accident and now he’s rolling in dough.

No bun intended

A health official walked into a local bakery for an inspection.

She was immediately appalled when she saw the owner smashing the dough against his bare chest before flattening it out on the table. Speechless, she grabbed her pen and notebook and started writing a citation. Seeing the disgust on her face, one of the customers walked up to the health official a...

I was super worried, but then someone shoved dough, cheese and sauce into my head.

Now I have pizza mind.

A young man goes off to college

A young man goes off to college, but about one-third of the way through the semester, he's foolishly squandered the money his parents had given him.

"Hmmmm," he wonders. "How am I going to go about getting more dough?" Then he gets and idea and phones his father.

"Dad, you won't be...

What do you call a secret agent working in a Bakery?

John Dough!

So as predicted the economic crisis has hit my local area and all attention has turned to the hardship caused to small business. Its been a simply disastrous start to the week.....

Our bra manufacturer has gone bust.

The specialist in submersibles has gone under.

A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers.

The suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.

The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn’t ketchup with orders.

A t...

I baked a dog shaped dough in a local baking competition

It was pure-bread.

If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"

Credit to my friend Chris

What do you have in common with bread dough?

If you get baked you're more likely to loaf around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why shouldn’t you mess with a bagel shop owner?

They know Jew dough

Why do you want to work at this bakery?

I knead the dough

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts.

What did the pizza maker say before robbing a bank?

"I may love making pizza, but I still knead the dough."

My wife just got done making some cookie dough.

Wife: "Do you want to lick clean one of the beaters?"
Me: "Does it have raw egg in it?"
Wife: "It does..."
Me: "Well, I could get sick... But that's a whisk I'm willing to take."

Why can’t the pilsbury dough boy get a hooker?

They keep getting yeast infections

Why can't cookies dough hold a steady job?

Because it's always getting baked.

Made dill bread today

Really kneaded that dill dough

A baker was kneading some dough...

...and as he kneaded, he counted each fold, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve..."

The baker's wife interrupted, "You missed one there."

"No I didn't," replied the baker. "I'm making uneleavened bread."

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

The best pizza I ever had was just a plain dough base

Nothing topped that.

What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough?

YEEST

What do you call it when the Pillsbury dough boy smokes weed?

He gets baked.

Girl, your booty is like dough...

I knead it.

What did the bread dough say to the lonely baker?

It’s nice to be kneaded

The guy at my local pizzeria does tricks while he tosses the dough.

He’s so good he makes it look like a pizza cake.

I met a baker who purposefully burnt his bread.

He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.

I wouldn't think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.

What did the baker say to his girlfriend?

Doughs before hoes.

I really want to make a joke about unfinished dough

But its not kneaded.

How do you unlock a door made of dough

With a cookey

So there was this Baker who did a favor for his friend. The friend said "thank you very much, I really appreciate it." The baker replied.

"It's not a problem, it's the yeast I could dough."

Why did the man go into the pizza business?

He wanted to make some dough.

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

A depressed French baker sobs bitterly into the dough...

His life is pain.

In got you something for Christmas

It's 50 pounds of dough.
I think you'll really knead it.

Source: University Daytime Janitor

Which martial art is the bakers favorite?

Tae Kwon Dough

Why are baking recipes so secretive?

They're on a knead the dough basis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. [OC]

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. Whenever we are walking in public and he sees a girl he likes, he always says, “Look at that ass tho.”

After years of getting fed up with his comments, I decide to make him a sculpture for his birthday. I carved ...

Why did the Stock Broker quit his job to become a Baker?

He overheard some great advice. "BUY DOUGH, SELL PIE!"


....I'll see myself out.

Pillsbury Dough Boy obit

Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy was survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough,...

What did the pastry chef say to his boss to get a raise?

I knead dough

What do you call one of Emma Schuester's son's if they are rich?

A Pillsbury dough boy.

A muffin and dough and are having a conversation.

And the muffin says, "Dude, everything is energy man; it's all energy swirling around. Good energy, and bad energy, and it all depends on what energy you tap into. It's like the planets and electrons and stuff; everything is swirling."
The dough replies, "Dude, you're baked."

My sister while kneading dough:

"This hand workout dough!"

What did the angry dough ball say to the other dough ball?

You trying to get a rise out of me!

Came up with while I was making pizza.

"Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father."

"Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"

My local pizza place is struggling to stay afloat

They really knead the dough

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

Did you hear about the guy who took a second job as a pizza chef?

He kneaded the dough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If someone can make good matzo don’t mess with them.

They’re an expert at Jew dough.

So this vampire wants to bake some cookies...

It's a gloomy day, and this vampire thinks some chocolate chip cookies will cheer him up. Now he's not much of a baker, so he decided to walk to the store from some of that fine, premade cookie dough. He's walking home, excited, and the weather's clearing up and the sun is coming out. It's turning ...

I think my local bakers gone mad

Apparently he frequents the homeless shelter and is trying to make a dough-nation.

A man walks in a bakery

in which the baker has only one hand. The customer see the baker rolls out the pizza dough on his chest because he has only one hand. So the surprised customer asks:" Damn, is this the way you make the pizza?", the bakery answers:"Oh man, you didn't see how i make donuts!"

I just got fired from my job at the bakery

Which is upsetting because I really kneaded the dough

I work as a mortician, and recently had a case of an unidentified murder victim who was killed in a bakery

I had to mark him down as a Jon dough.in the file.

Why couldn’t the owner of the pizza joint retire?

He kneaded the dough.

A Good Mother

A good mom will always let her child lick the cookie dough after she's finished mixing it.

The best mom will switch the mixer off first.



(This was a joke translated from Russian that my mom always told me. She was a pretty good mom ;( )

The New Market on the Corner

A new market opened up in Bill's neighborhood, so he decided to go down and see what they had for sale.

Inside appeared to be different produce stands, but, strangely, all he saw were bakery stuffs on the shelves. One was covered in pies and labeled "Pineapple Pies - $2/lb." Another was cover...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tax Poem

Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.

Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny sells a duck

One day a farmer decides to sell 3 of his ducks. He gives one to each of his sons, Billy, Bobby and Johnny and tells them to go to market and see what they can get for the ducks.

So Billy goes to market and comes back, and he says to his dad “hey dad!! I got ten bucks for that duck!” “Very go...

Music producers are basically like a pizza business.

They both make dough from mixers.

Why did the bakery install a security system?

To protect the dough!

A truck load of Tylenol spills onto a baker’s assistant in a terrible crash

The headline read: ‘Pills bury dough boy.’

I got a lifetime supply of bread!

You'd think I'd say I'm rolling in dough, right? Well I am actuality a very lucky Soviet in 1936.

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