This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...

Damn girl are you my cake day?

Because I want to exploit you

What did the cake say to the fork?

You want a piece of me?

What has two thumbs and 100k karma on their cake day?

Not me.

How does the reddit user get karma when they don’t deserve it?

Piece of cake

What is the difference between a burnt cake and a pregnant woman?

If you had taken it out earlier, it wouldn’t have happened.

My wife baked me a cake and I told her I was sending it to Budapest.

She asked why Budapest.

I said I'd renamed my stomach Budapest

She asked why again

Because Budapest is the capital of Hungry.

She is divorcing me.

I love Valentines Day. The bottle of wine. The Heart-Shaped Ice Cream Cake...

Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching youtube videos.

Good times.

I went to the bakery and asked for Emo Cake...

Baker: Emo cake? Whats that?

Me: It's cake that cuts itself...

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes.

What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?


Rick O Shea

Celebrating Cake Day with one of my favorite jokes... How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Fish.

Why did Burt put on weight after he ate Mary Poppins' cake?

It was super calorific

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Delivering the male (my cake day contribution)

It was John's last day delivering the mail. He had been doing so for 4o years and was about to retire.

Most of the families greeted him warmly and handed him an envelope presumably with a small monetary gift inside.

But when he arrived at the Jones' house the woman there pulled him ins...

Every time I eat cake I get heart burn...

I should probably take off the candles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year!

*(Made mine this morning!!)*

1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt ,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to check qual...

A Christian newlywed couple buys their wedding cake.

They ask the baker to print the Bible verse **1 John 4:18**, which says the following:

>*"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear..."*

However, the baker accidentally ends up printing **John 4:18** instead, which reads:

>*"For you have had five husbands, ...

Cake or Bed

A husband is home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks.”



He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have G.E. written on my forehead? I don’t think so.” ...

A woman dies and goes to the gates of heaven.

When she gets there, she is perplexed and confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Fina...

Well today is my first cake day.

And that means my Reddit account is older than most anti-vax kids will ever be.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat. You get fat.


What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

An English couple decided to adopt a little German boy. After two years, the child doesn’t speak and his parents start to worry about him. After three years, he still has not spoken and after four years, he has yet to utter a word.

The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is still a lovely child, and on his next birthday, they threw him a party and made him a chocolate cake with orange icing.

The parents are in the kitchen when the boy comes in and says, “Mother, Father, I do not care for the orange i...

To your cake batter, slowly stir in the GPU and CPU and sprinkle crushed motherboard. Put in oven on bake.

Once done, serve and enjoy! PC cake.

It is definitely possible to have your cake and eat it too.

You just have to bake two of them.

Came home from work to find the cake in my fridge missing. There was a note sitting where the cake was that said...

“I broke into your house and saw the cake in your fridge, I didn’t steal anything else, only the cake in your fridge.” I was infuriated, that kind of a burglar steals cake?!?!? I’ve had thieves take my bike, I’ve had thieves take my packages, but not like this, this one takes the cake.

It’s my cake day so a joke for everyone

A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says

“What’ll it be today?”

The bear says “give me a gin and.........................tonic”

The bartender says “sure thing but why the big pause?”

The bear looks down and says “I dunno? I was just born with them. “

For my cake day, I've decided that I'm not going to be drinking any more.

I'm not going to drink any less either.

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What do you call a cake baked by a prostitute?

Hoe Made

If meat is murder...

...then is cake battery?

The word Moist is only great at describing two things, cake...

And your Mom

I like to imagine that Little Debbie has been eating her cakes over the past several years...

She’s probably had to change her name to Debra by now

Why don't policemen like Christmas cake?

....
....

Because it could be stollen.

Cookie monster was happy lighting Elmo's girlfriends cake

Until he noticed there was only 3 candles

I asked a Buddhist what was the easiest way to get a lot of good karma.

He told me all it takes is a piece of cake.

I bought some lovely German Christmas cake yesterday,

but it was stollen this morning.

In Celebration of my Cake Day, here's a terrible joke: the Olympic Swimmer and his Son

Michael was a famous Olympic Swimmer. Recently retired, it was his dream to continue his legacy by teaching his son the art of swimming. They had practiced for years, and when Michael's son was ready, he was entered into his first ever tournament.

The first round was easy. After all, t...

It's my cake day, and in celebration I am giving away all my dead batteries,

Free of charge.

Let them eat Cake

Marie Antoinette started the body positivity movement. Quite revolutionary.

I broke my arm in 4 places

The doctor told me to stop going to those places.

(Yay it’s my cake day)

My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..

..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake

A elderly lady walks into a bakery and asks the baker for chocolate cake.

He politely replies that they are out of chocolate.

She says fine, I'll have chocolate muffins.

The baker says, I'm sorry but we are out of chocolate.

She says, ok how about some chocolate cookies?

The baker somewhat annoyed asks the lady. Tell me something, where do find...

Coming up with a good joke is a lot like baking a cake.

I can't do either.

Why did I get a divorce?

Well, last week was my birthday and my wife didn’t even say anything to me. My kids forgot too. I got to work and my friends and co-workers said nothing. I felt so alone and forgotten, until my secretary came up to me and said “happy birthday boss, can I take you to lunch for your special day?” It s...

Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake

It just takes more commitment

So I'm at Costa Coffee at the service area

and I order a latte and I pick up a slab of fruit cake, and I say to the check-out lady "Sorry, I only have a £20 note".

And she says "You'll have to put the cake back then love."

Don't you hate it when a teacher lies and says the homework will be a piece of cake?

It always tastes like paper.

How much cake do you feed a snake?

Only a slither

The beauty of having icing on your cake is that you can cover a lot of your mistakes.

I think I've found out why my parents insist on spreading icing all over my face on each of my birthdays.

A bunny walks into the bakery.

There he asks the baker if he has any carrot cake.

The bakers says: ‘no, I don’t sell carrot cake.’

So the bunny leaves, but returns the next day. He once again if the baker has any carrot cake.

Once more the baker answers: ‘no, I don’t sell carrot cake.’

Once the bunny...

I love my cake day. It's the best!

It's 10/10

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pretty meta bro

Cake day posts are annoying and uncreative, so many people make anti cake day posts. These can be just as bad, and are only rarely funny if they are posted on the poster's cake day, (aka: anti cake day cake day posts). This possess a bit of a conundrum, as here in Reddit, we make fun of things, but ...

If I have 30 pieces of chocolate cake for my cake day, and eat 25 of them, what do I have?

Diabetes......I got diabetes.

A father comes home after a long day of work, excited to eat the piece of cake he had been saving.

He opens the fridge, and sees the cake missing. The plate that the cake was on is still in the fridge, but it's empty!

He calls his four children to the kitchen.

"Which one of you ate my cake?"

The mother shakes her head and says "don't bother asking, no one ever takes blames ...

What's the difference between pie and cake?

πr^2 , cake are round

I say to a baker “All your cakes are 50 pence except that one which is £1. Why’s that?” ...

“Arhh! That’s Madeira cake!” The baker replies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parent's room...

catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making a cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothe...

My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was a piece of cake.

It’s my cake day today so I figured I’d try out a cake joke!

Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.

Doctor: Next time, take off the candles

It’s my cake day so here’s a little cake joke for you all...

What do rat’s like to eat on their birthday?
Mice cream and cake

I’ll see myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every birthday I get an erotic cake that resembles a woman's breasts....

That way I can have my cake and eat tit, too!

A guy wants a divorce. He tells the judge "I cant take it anymore she's out going from bar to bar every night way past midnight"

The judge responds "what's she doing"

The guy says "looking for me"

.
.
.
.

What is a dog catcher's favorite food?

Pound cake.

P.S. (I thought of this one on my own so hopefully it's original. My daughter liked it anyway so I guess that's all that matters!)

Another clean cake day joke

Boss asks Mutuku, Mutuku how do you get it right for 30 years of bringing me coffee every morning without spilling it?

Mutuku's answer, before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.

Mutuku's funeral is on Monday.

No matter how much I love cake

I would never dessert you.

A boy walks out of the toliet and into the kitchen where his mum was baking a cake

He asked "can I lick the bowl mummy?" And the mother replied "no flush it like anyone else"

Cerealsly amazing joke

Once upon a time, there was a Cheerio who wanted something to do with his life, because it sucked. He decided he wanted to marry someone. So, one day, he went to the town square and saw a beautiful Fruit Loop. He went up to her and tried to ask her out on a date, but before he could get any words ou...

If a Scottish person got just a little upset every time he was mistaken for his Gaelic neighbors...

...wouldn't that still make him ire-ish?

(This was my first joke I wrote a few years ago. It's bad, but I wanted to post it as a cake day commemoration. And then never tell it again :D)

What did the jokester have for their breakfast?

PUN-CAKES!!

I decided to bake every letter of the alphabet, when my first pastry gained sentience. It was very excited to be able to think and reason.

I guess it's a happy caked A for me!

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