While driving to work today, I saw a huge cheesecake...

Around the next corner was a large trifle, followed by an apple turnover. There were no cars. It seemed to me the roads were strangely desserted.

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So I tried following a recipe for a cheesecake from r/foodporn

The second last step was "Chill in the fridge for an hour".

I've got my beer and snacks but it's cold and fucking cramped in here.

An ice cream, a creme brulee, and a slice of cheesecake joined the army, but they abandoned their fellow soldiers on their first deployment

They are wanted for dessertion

Cheesecake

God: (creates cheesecake)

God: (While stuffing his face in front of the angels) Oh wow! This is so great!

Angel: Don’t you think you should be sharing that?

—pause—

God:(creates lactose intolerance)

What do you call a vegan cheesecake?

Cake.

Not my joke but its funny either way

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender gives it to him and says “That will be one dollar.” The man is shocked and asks the bartender why the drink is only one dollar. The bartender replies and says, “We’re doing a special sale today!” The man asks the bartender “Wha...

Elephant jokes, because it's what 2021 needs

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

Bonus #1: How can you tell an elephant has been in your refrigerator? Footprints in the cheesecake.

Bonus #2: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time...

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant

He goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "$1". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's "$5"....

What do mice eat on their birthdays?

Cheesecake.

You know what they say about New York Cheesecake?

If you can bake it there, you can bake it anywhere.

Why didn't the physicist like his cheesecake?

Because the quark had a strange flavour

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[Long] Two brothers, a vegan and a carnivore, sit down to Thanksgiving dinner together with their family...

The father intones, "on this day of thanks, let us give thanks to God..."

The vegan brother interrupts..."I'm not eating the turkey..."

The carnivore brother replies, " that's fine, there's plenty of other food on the table."

The vegan then says " I'm not eating any of the stuff...

White Elephant

An old farmer is tending his crop one day when he spies a white elephant trampling the edge of his field. He knows that there are four different types of elephants in his area: red elephants, blue elephants, purple elephants, and white elephants.

To kill a blue elephant you use a blue elep...

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A man, tired after a long days work, walks into a bar.

He doesn't see any menus, signage, or anything to indicate a price for the products behind the bar. So, he asks the bartender. "How much for a beer?"

The bartender looks to the ceiling for a moment, before replying. "One dollar and it comes with your choice of twelve top shelf bottles."
...

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Genie: "And what will your 3rd wish be?"

Me: slamming down my fork after my second piece of cheesecake. "TAKE A WILD FUCKING GUESS."

What did the pumpkin pie say to the cheesecake as they were going into the oven?

I think this is a set up!

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Betsy makes a home cooked meal for her husband Bob

For their 30th wedding anniversary. She fixes every one of his favorites. Medium-rare steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, a nice salad with homemade cheesecake for dessert.

After dinner Bob leans back feeling great and exclaims to Betsy “That was an amazing meal, honey! Had I known all these ye...

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A Panda walks into an expensive restaurant...

He gets seated by the host and looks at the menu. He orders the most expensive items on the menu; Porterhouse, A bottle of Chateau Lafite and Black Truffle Cheesecake. When the check comes, the Panda pulls out a handgun and shoots the waiter right between the eyes.

As the Panda is walking out...

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My ex used to have two cheat days during a week

One where she went out for burgers and cheesecake with her friends, and one where she had sex with Daniel.

Three little pigs walk into a restaurant

They are seated at a table. After a few minutes to look at the menu, they decide to start with some appetizers. The waiter asks the pigs what they will have.

"I'll start with some chips and salsa," the first pig replies.
"I will begin with some mozzarella sticks," the second pig says. "Wat...

Tips for inner peace

Dr. Neil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Pinot Noir, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Ba...

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