UPJOKE
cucumberrelishonionmessmuddlejamfixholegherkinpumpkinvinegardill pickledillketchuppotato

Why don't they make pickles and bread in the same room?

Because you'd end up making a dil-dough

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

I gave my wife a jar of pickles instead of flowers

They say love is brined.

Guys if you and your pickles are in a toxic relationship, here's what to do

Try to talk it out, even if its HARD TO OPEN UP. then if things go SOUR, get rid of them. There, DILLemma solved

Where do pickles go to buy a car?

The dillership!

Why do we refer to problems as pickles?

Because they're Dill-emmas!

I went on a date the other night. She took out the pickles from her burger and cut them in half.

For me, that's a dill breaker.

What happens when life gives you pickles instead of lemons?

You dill with it.

Gas station was selling pickles 2 for 1

Dill of the day

3 Scotsmen

Sitting on the Firth of Fourth road bridge about to commit suicide by jumping into the raging waters 100s of feet below.
First one says to the guy next to him: Why are you going to jump?
He says: My wife makes me the same lunch sandwich every day - cheese and pickles - and I hate both. I can’...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy dreams of one day working at his favorite sandwich shop.

And so, he asks the owner if he could see how the sandwiches are made. Delighted, the owner shows him how he grinds his own peanut butter, prepares his own pickles and even whips up his own mayonnaise. The boy is so excited that he blurts out his deepest wish--to see how the owner makes his signatu...

I don't get why pregnant women crave pickles.

A pickle is what got them pregnant in the first place.

What kind of music do pickles listen to?

Vlassic Rock

Do you know why they say it's bad to smoke pickles?

It'll make you dill.

A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today

I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle

What do a bunch of soon-to-be pickles and a heavy pool stick have in common?

You either have some cucumber or a cumbersome cue!

I'm gonna start a company that makes medium sized pickles

Not to brag or anything but it's kind of a big dill.

How do pickles forgive people?

“It’s not a big dill”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who here likes pickles?

A friend of mine was once employed in a pickle factory. One day, out of nowhere, he expressed a strong urge to stick his dick into the factory's pickle slicer. After a long, hard battle of will and self control, he comes home early one day to tell his wife the bad news: "I got fired for sticking my ...

I watched a documentary about how pickles are made.

It was jarring.

I Take Jumbo Pickles Very Seriously

I mean, it's a pretty big dill

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

It's my cake day and I don't know any new jokes so. Here are some old jokes I use to love as a kid

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Answer = A stick.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Answer = Thunderwear.

3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Answer = Dill with it.

4. What time is it when the...

What kind of deer likes pickles?

A dill doe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quite the Pickle

When my grandmother died, as an only child my father had to clean out her place. When he came upon her recipe box, he sat on the floor and went through them slowly. Many had been handed down to her from her mother, my great-grandmother. One by one, he closed his eyes and remembered the simple joy of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I keep having hallucinations of pickles.

My therapist says I'm dillusional.

What do pickles do to make themselves look more beautiful

They get Vlasic surgery

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