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I said to the woman at the deli, “I’d like to buy a corned beef and pastrami, with pickles.” She replied, “Sorry..."

"We only take cash or card.”

My wife loves making pickles

She has asked me to grow some of the ingredients for her recipe in the garden to save money, but they haven't been producing very well.

It's been a real up dill battle.

A priest opens his confessional panel to a young boy.

The boy says, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned."
The priest asked, "What have you done, my son?"
He replies, "I threw pickles into the well."
The priest seems a little confused but says, "Very well. Say three Hail Marys and you will be forgiven."

Four more boys follow and say the...

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

Why don't they make pickles and bread in the same room?

Because you'd end up making a dil-dough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who here likes pickles?

A friend of mine was once employed in a pickle factory. One day, out of nowhere, he expressed a strong urge to stick his dick into the factory's pickle slicer. After a long, hard battle of will and self control, he comes home early one day to tell his wife the bad news: "I got fired for sticking my ...

Where do pickles go to buy a car?

The dillership!

I gave my wife a jar of pickles instead of flowers

They say love is brined.

Why do we refer to problems as pickles?

Because they're Dill-emmas!

How do pickles enjoy their day off?

They relish it

Gas station was selling pickles 2 for 1

Dill of the day

How do pickles forgive people?

“It’s not a big dill”

What kind of music do pickles listen to?

Vlassic Rock

A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today

I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle

I don't get why pregnant women crave pickles.

A pickle is what got them pregnant in the first place.

Guys if you and your pickles are in a toxic relationship, here's what to do

Try to talk it out, even if its HARD TO OPEN UP. then if things go SOUR, get rid of them. There, DILLemma solved

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quite the Pickle

When my grandmother died, as an only child my father had to clean out her place. When he came upon her recipe box, he sat on the floor and went through them slowly. Many had been handed down to her from her mother, my great-grandmother. One by one, he closed his eyes and remembered the simple joy of...

I Take Jumbo Pickles Very Seriously

I mean, it's a pretty big dill

Do you know why they say it's bad to smoke pickles?

It'll make you dill.

I'm gonna start a company that makes medium sized pickles

Not to brag or anything but it's kind of a big dill.

What kind of deer likes pickles?

A dill doe.

I watched a documentary about how pickles are made.

It was jarring.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Life is like a pickle

Sometimes it in your hand, sometimes it’s in you butt

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I keep having hallucinations of pickles.

My therapist says I'm dillusional.

I went on a date the other night. She took out the pickles from her burger and cut them in half.

For me, that's a dill breaker.

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