This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, has choked people when used improperly, and works best when jerked?

A seatbelt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter…

I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.

I thought to myself, “I really need a new fucking boat.”

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

I know he means well.

Did you hear about the 3 holes in the ground?

Well, well, well...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got my dick stuck in a DVD hole today...

Yeah, I fucked Up.

Why do bald people cut holes in their pockets?

So they can run their fingers through their hair.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats does a 9 volt battery and girls butt hole have in common.

You arnt suppose to lick it but you do anyways.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing hap...

Papa, Mama, and baby mole are in their hole relaxing.

Suddenly Papa mole says “I smell honey” so he sticks his head out of the
hole to look around.

Then Mama mole says “I smell maple syrup” so she sticks her head out
of the hole to look around.

Baby mole is too small to see out the hole so he says “All I smell is
molasses”.

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

Locals have discovered a little hole in the wall of the women's bathroom

Police have said they're looking into it

2 guys on the road. One was digging a hole , the other one waited a minute and filled the hole back.

Then they moved on and after about 10 feet they did the same - digging up , waiting a minute , and filling it back up.

They went on doing this the whole morning, covering almost 3 miles of land.

One guy who was watching them eagerly just couldn’t resist any more, and asked - are yo...

Two hunters are walking through the woods when they stumble upon a large hole in the ground.

The first hunter says to the other, "That looks really deep. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how far it goes."

To find out how deep it really is, the hunters toss some nearby pebbles into the hole and try to listen for when the pebbles hit the bottom. None of the pebbles make a sou...

Whats worse than finding a hole in your condom ?

Finding a condom in your hole

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the gym and notice a small hole in my trainer just big enough to get a finger in

So long story short he's now filing for sexual assault.

18 Holes a Day.

And Tiger Woods still finds time for golfing.

Two men are walking through the woods together and they come across an insanely huge hole in the ground.

The first man picks up a rock and tosses it into the hole. The rock vanishes from sight, and neither guy could hear the rock hit the bottom.

The second man decides to throw a huge log into the hole. After a few seconds pass, again there was no sound.

Both men, wanting to know how dee...

My tailor patched up all the holes in my pants.

Now I can't get my feet in.

What do you call a person who eats a donut and a donut hole at the same time?

Fat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A toilet seat with no hole...

Is a really shitty toilet seat.

You know how when we were kids, we thought if you dig a deep enough hole, you get to China?

The NBA is going to try to find out!

I went to my gym last week and I noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in!

Anyway, she made a formal complaint and I’m banned for life

I was drilling a hole on my table..

It was boring.

Two Montana rednecks are out hunting and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground...

They approached it and are amazed by the depth of it. The first Hunter says, "Wow,that's some whole.I can't even see the bottom.Must be an old mine shaft. I wonder how deep it is."


The second Hunter says,"Well,let's grab that old transmission over there and throw it down in the hole and w...

A black hole walks into a bar

A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.

The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."

My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together.

At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!

Whats the difference between a "hole in a boat" and a "hole in a bathroom stall"?

One is a "Man, that sucks" situation


The other is a "Sucks that man" situation.

I have invented a golf ball that if its at least 3 ft from the hole it will go in.

Just dont put them in your back pocket......

How do you fix a pumpkin with a hole in it?

...you give it a pumpkin patch.

I got my weiner stuck in the DVD hole of that Pixar movie with the old man and the balloons.

TIFU.

I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold.

I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

A man sees two blonde workers in a field digging holes.

One worker is digging the holes, and the other one is following close behind filling the holes in.

After watching this go on for a while, the observer decides to ask them that they are doing.

"Excuse me sir, but I have to ask. Why are you simply digging holes and filling them back in?...

Be careful today when searching "Giant Black Hole Pics"

All I keep getting are scientific articles.

Did you hear about the hole in the fence at the Nudist Colony?

The police are looking into it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a rude black hole?

A masshole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Best pals, Frank and Paul, are out for a day of golf. On the third hole, Paul accidentally putts the ball into a field of buttercups. Determined to get the ball back onto the green, he demolishes half of the flowers in the process. As he raises his club to take another swing...POOF! Mother Nature

appears. "What have you done?!! As punishment for destroying my precious buttercups, you shall have no butter for your toast ever again. No butter for baked potatoes either. Actually, no. You shall have no butter for anything...for the rest of your life!" And then, POOF! She was gone.

In tota...

What happened to the detective at the glory hole?

They got an anonymous tip.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes on a business trip to Japan

In Japan, he picks up a hooker and they go all night long. The entire time they were making love she was excitedly shouting:
##Hasimota! Hasimota!
Since the man obviously didn't know a word of Japanese, he concluded it was some sort of an excitement noise. The next morning he meets with a few...

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

Guy 1: Do your sock have a hole in it?

Guy 2: No.

Guy 1: well howd you get your foot in it? *slaps knee*

A goat and a hole

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can’t see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen… Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that’s...

What did Richter Belmont say when he saw that a diet energy drink was accidentally left inside a watering hole?

Diet Monster! You don't belong in this well!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him.

A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him. He doesn’t think much of it until lunch when he goes for a walk and sees the two still at and a whole line of freshly dug and filled in holes. He walks up to them.

C...

A nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a hole in the roof of your church."

"Thank you for telling me," he replies "but you've been here for years, it's our church."

The next day the nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a broken window in your- I mean, our, church." He thanks her again and calls for a repairman.

The following day the priest is prep...

I made a frozen pizza this morning. I took off the shrink wrap on the pizza and noticed it had some small holes in it where the frozen cheese had stabbed through.

That was some sharp cheddar.

My wife divorced me because I accidentally put it in the wrong hole

Fair enough it was her sister's but still...

The endless hole

Two guys are walking through the woods one day when they stumble across a big deep hole.

The first guy peers into it and says, “Wow! That looks deep.”

The second guy says, “It sure does. Let’s throw a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is. We’ll be able to tell the depth by how l...

Suspected terrorist attack as hole is blown into wall of public toilet at Waterloo station...

Police are looking into it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that when you say the word “poop”, your mouth does the same motion as your bum hole?

The same is true for the phrase, “explosive diarrhea”.

A buddy once asked me if I've ever stuck it in her

...you know, "other hole".

I said that's dumb because she might get pregnant.

A friend of mine told me he'd heard about a local glory hole...

He received an anonymous tip.

R/jokes I started a business using giant yoyo’s to get water out of deep holes.

It has its ups and downs but it’s going well.

City counsel decides not to fine restaurant owner for digging a hole in his own establishment with a pickaxe...

They say he was just mining his own business.

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key.

Since most jokes are reposts I may was well go with the oldest known joke in English from the 10th Century.

Scientists have taken the first pictures of the interior of a black hole.

It's all pink.

I hate donut’s without holes

There always so full of themselves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was having sex with my girlfriend while watching tv, she suddenly says "wrong hole!!" I tell her, no im pretty sure its a winning hole

we were watching golf

A man sees his neighbor's son digging a hole....

He asks the boy, "What are you digging the hole for?" The boy replies, "I am burying my goldfish." The man then says, "That hole seems big for a goldfish, no?" The boy answers, "Well your cat still had it in it's stomach."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage,

when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I woke up with a hole in my pants

I thought to myself "some asshole is trying to escape"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".

The correct term is "turd-world countries".

What do you do when you have a hole in your underwear

You give them to a church on Sunday

Two men in the woods

These 2 guys are out walking through the woods, they come upon a clearing with a big hole in the middle of it. The first guy says to the second "I wonder how deep this hole is" "I don't know, let's find something to toss in here and see if we can hear it hit the bottom", says the second. So they go ...

[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

What is the difference between a woman in a church and a woman in her bath?

The woman in a church has her soul full of hope whereas the woman in her bath has her hole full of soap.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Frenchman are walking through the jungle...

They’re very tired, and they decide to take a shortcut across a nearby river to quickly reach their camp.

As they cross the river, a tribe of savages charge out of the trees and surround them. The tribe Chief steps forward and says

“This river sacred ground... you trespass on sacred ...

Why did the tree have a hole drilled into it?

Because it was bored.

Why are black holes so popular at parties?

Because they bring everyone together.

Caught my girlfriend trying to poke holes in a condom.

"Ouch!" I winced. "At least let me take it off first."

For our recent field trip, our teacher told us that jeans were appropriate, but we weren’t allowed to wear pairs with holes in them.

I still don’t know how we’re supposed to get the darn things on!

What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?

Hot Cross Bunnies!

What do you say when you come across three holes in the ground?

Well well well...

You know how you catch a polar bear? You go out on a frozen tundra and cut a hole in the ice. Then put a ring of peas around the hole.

When the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ice-hole.

Dig the holes

One day a farmer wrote to his son in prison, "Son I won't be able to plant my potatoes this year because I can't dig the holes. I know if you were here, you'd help me." The son sent a reply, "don't even think about diggin them holes pop, cuz that's where I hid the money." The police read the letter,...

Two men heard kids shouting 13

Two men were walking down the sidewalk, heading home. They then heard the shouting of kids saying "Yeah, 13! 13!” Celebrating 13.

One of the men walking down the road asks, "What's going on over there? "

The other man sees a small hole in a wooden fence, and replies "I don't know, I'm ...

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

Why did the blonde go through a hole bottle of shampoo while taking a shower?

The directions said lather,rinse,repeat.

What’s green, full of holes, and if it falls on you it can kill you?

A golf course

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People who confuse the words "Burro" and "Burrow"...

... don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.

What did the black hole say after it swallowed an asteroid?

"It was good, but I wish it been a little meteor."

Some people don’t know why the black hole picture is such a big deal...

Honestly, they just don’t get the gravity of it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl was digging a hole in her back yard and the dad came out and saw her.

Dad: “Hey honey what are you doing?”

Girl: “I’m digging a hole!”

Dad: “I can see that but why?”

Girl: “Cause my fish died. So I’m burying him!”

Dad: “Aw that’s cute! But why is the hole so large”

Girl: “Cause it’s still inside your fucking cat!”

PEEING ON MY FLOWERS

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"...

Why did the blind woman fall into the water hole

She couldn't see that well

What goes down an alley and has holes in it?

Batman’s parents

a man takes a day off work to go golfing

He’s ready to tee off when he hears a frog, “ribbit, 9 iron”

The man is confused, but the frog speaks again, “ribbit, 9 iron”

To prove the frog wrong, the man pulls out his 9 iron and swings at the ball.

Hole in one.

The man bends down and says “you must be a lucky frog...

A black hole walks into a bar...

Bartender says "Oh not you again!"

"Yeah it's me, set me up"

"Usual light beer?" says the bartender.

"Of course, bring on the puns"

Lady at the bar "So your the famous blackhole we have been hearing so much about and that you know the answer to every joke"

Blackhol...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Long) (sort of NSFW) 1 hole behind

A man is trying out golf for the first time. He eventually loses track of where he is, so he asks a girl. The girl responds saying “ I am on hole 9, you are on 8. You are one hole behind me.” He thanks her and plays again. Once more, he loses track and asks the girl. The girl responds and says “ I a...

Did you hear about the guy that fell into the big hole in the ground with water at the bootom?

He couldn't see that well

You know why I hate black holes?

Because I'm rasict

Why did the black hole get arrested

It commited mass murder

I bought a book about black holes

As soon as I opened it, I was immediately sucked in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sailor and a priest are playing golf...

The sailor takes a shot. He places the ball down, smacks it with the club, and watches as it goes flying straight into a sand trap. The sailor mumbles to himself

“Fuck, I missed...”

The priest, hearing him, immediately snaps round and says

“Young man! Please do not use such awf...

Nsfw. Jesus n Moses are walking down the beach comparing powers. Moses goes to Jesus, "Check this out." He faces the ocean n parts it clear down the middle. Jesus with a smirk, "ok ok, put it back n watch this."..

Jesus begins to walk out on the water and starts to sink. Jesus walks back n says to Moses "I don't get it, I can usually walk on water." Moses, laughing. "Probably because you got them holes in your feet."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male whale and a female whale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who called it a glory hole and not

another dick in the wall

What's a condom with holes in it called?

Kinder surprise.

The first image of a Black Hole will be revealed today

it will pull everyone together

Why does a golfer need to bring two pairs of pants golfing?

In case there’s a hole in one.

When building a brick oven it’s important to make the hole big enough to fit a chicken

And also to use a door, so he can’t get out

How did the black hole lose so much weight?

It's simple, he ate light!

[NSFW] I don't know what I was expecting when I went to the new Pink Floyd themed glory hole...

...after all you're just another prick in the wall!

Digging a hole for yourself

A grave mistake

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.