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As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter…

I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.

I thought to myself, "I really need a new fucking boat."

My dad said the other day when I was feeling down, “Cheer up, things could be worse. You could be stuck in an underground hole full of water.”

I know he means well.

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

A black hole walks into a bar

A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.

The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."

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What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, has choked people when used improperly, and works best when jerked?

A seatbelt.

A goat and a hole

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can’t see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen… Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that’s...

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Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

... "go on" says the priest.

"I swore the other day" says the man.

"continue" says the priest.

"I was on the golf course the other day and I hit my drive, it was looking perfect, heading dead straight. About 200 yards down my ball hit a power line crossing the fairway".

"...

I recently invented a golf ball that automatically goes in the hole if it’s within 6 inches of it.

Warning: Do not put the ball in your back pocket.

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What phrase can both be said during sex and at a minigolf course?

Off to the next hole!

Be careful today when searching "Giant Black Hole Pics"

All I keep getting are scientific articles.

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On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods, the golfer." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."

The couple then makes passionate love.

When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to...

You ever hear the joke about the three holes?

Well well well...

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Best pals, Frank and Paul, are out for a day of golf. On the third hole, Paul accidentally putts the ball into a field of buttercups. Determined to get the ball back onto the green, he demolishes half of the flowers in the process. As he raises his club to take another swing...POOF! Mother Nature

appears. "What have you done?!! As punishment for destroying my precious buttercups, you shall have no butter for your toast ever again. No butter for baked potatoes either. Actually, no. You shall have no butter for anything...for the rest of your life!" And then, POOF! She was gone.

In tota...

The endless hole

Two guys are walking through the woods one day when they stumble across a big deep hole.

The first guy peers into it and says, “Wow! That looks deep.”

The second guy says, “It sure does. Let’s throw a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is. We’ll be able to tell the depth by how l...

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key.

Since most jokes are reposts I may was well go with the oldest known joke in English from the 10th Century.

I shot a birdie on hole #17 this morning at the golf course...

damn goose kept honking while I was trying to line up my putt

Two men golfing...

Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go.

The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns ...

I made a frozen pizza this morning. I took off the shrink wrap on the pizza and noticed it had some small holes in it where the frozen cheese had stabbed through.

That was some sharp cheddar.

R/jokes I started a business using giant yoyo’s to get water out of deep holes.

It has its ups and downs but it’s going well.

A hole has been discovered in the swimming pool changing rooms.

The police are looking into it.

Why are there bullet holes all over my monitor?

I was trying to take screen shots.

I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold.

I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

A star walks into a black hole

But the star doesn't seem to be fazed.

The black hole says, "Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."

Why doesn’t Jesus eat M&Ms?

They keep falling through the holes in his hands

I got my weiner stuck in the DVD hole of that Pixar movie with the old man and the balloons.

TIFU.

City counsel decides not to fine restaurant owner for digging a hole in his own establishment with a pickaxe...

They say he was just mining his own business.

Scientists have taken the first pictures of the interior of a black hole.

It's all pink.

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

I hate drilling holes...

It's boring.

A man sees his neighbor's son digging a hole....

He asks the boy, "What are you digging the hole for?" The boy replies, "I am burying my goldfish." The man then says, "That hole seems big for a goldfish, no?" The boy answers, "Well your cat still had it in it's stomach."

I haven't been so far deep into the rabbit hole...

...than I have with bestiality

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A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him.

A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him. He doesn’t think much of it until lunch when he goes for a walk and sees the two still at and a whole line of freshly dug and filled in holes. He walks up to them.

C...

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I was having sex with my girlfriend while watching tv, she suddenly says "wrong hole!!" I tell her, no im pretty sure its a winning hole

we were watching golf

What do you say when you come across three holes in the ground?

Well well well...

My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together.

At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!

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Today I woke up with a hole in my pants

I thought to myself "some asshole is trying to escape"

Why are black holes so popular at parties?

Because they bring everyone together.

You know how you catch a polar bear? You go out on a frozen tundra and cut a hole in the ice. Then put a ring of peas around the hole.

When the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ice-hole.

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Did you know that when you say the word “poop”, your mouth does the same motion as your bum hole?

The same is true for the phrase, “explosive diarrhea”.

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What's the difference between a blow job and anal? Nsfw

One makes your day, the other makes your hole weak.

Caught my girlfriend trying to poke holes in a condom.

"Ouch!" I winced. "At least let me take it off first."

I hate donut’s without holes

There always so full of themselves

Dig the holes

One day a farmer wrote to his son in prison, "Son I won't be able to plant my potatoes this year because I can't dig the holes. I know if you were here, you'd help me." The son sent a reply, "don't even think about diggin them holes pop, cuz that's where I hid the money." The police read the letter,...

What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?

Hot Cross Bunnies!

A friend of mine told me he'd heard about a local glory hole...

He received an anonymous tip.

My buddy asked if I ever thought about putting it in the other hole

"Hell no," I replied, "Why would I want to get her pregnant???"

A nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a hole in the roof of your church."

"Thank you for telling me," he replies "but you've been here for years, it's our church."

The next day the nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a broken window in your- I mean, our, church." He thanks her again and calls for a repairman.

The following day the priest is prep...

Why did the blonde go through a hole bottle of shampoo while taking a shower?

The directions said lather,rinse,repeat.

Do you know how to catch a bear?

Well, first you have to dig a deep hole in the woods and fill it half-full of ashes from the fireplace. Then place peas all around the outside of the hole. Finally, you hide in some nearby bushes and wait for a bear to come by.

When a bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole. ...

What is inside a man's pants and wants to poke the hole it's often poked before?

A key

For our recent field trip, our teacher told us that jeans were appropriate, but we weren’t allowed to wear pairs with holes in them.

I still don’t know how we’re supposed to get the darn things on!

My wife divorced me because I accidentally put it in the wrong hole

Fair enough it was her sister's but still...

What’s green, full of holes, and if it falls on you it can kill you?

A golf course

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A little girl was digging a hole in her back yard and the dad came out and saw her.

Dad: “Hey honey what are you doing?”

Girl: “I’m digging a hole!”

Dad: “I can see that but why?”

Girl: “Cause my fish died. So I’m burying him!”

Dad: “Aw that’s cute! But why is the hole so large”

Girl: “Cause it’s still inside your fucking cat!”

What do you call a donut with no holes?

A dnut.

There's a hole in the nudist camp's wall

...the police are looking into it.

Why did the blind woman fall into the water hole

She couldn't see that well

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(Long) (sort of NSFW) 1 hole behind

A man is trying out golf for the first time. He eventually loses track of where he is, so he asks a girl. The girl responds saying “ I am on hole 9, you are on 8. You are one hole behind me.” He thanks her and plays again. Once more, he loses track and asks the girl. The girl responds and says “ I a...

[NSFW] I don't know what I was expecting when I went to the new Pink Floyd themed glory hole...

...after all you're just another prick in the wall!

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

A blonde was going ice fishing. When she drilled the first hole she heard a voice “there’s no fish under the ice!” So she stood up and found a new spot. As she drilled the second hole she heard the voice again “there’s no fish under the ice!!” So the blonde responded with a shiver “god is that you?”

“No mam I’m the janitor of this ice rink”

I bought a book about black holes

As soon as I opened it, I was immediately sucked in.

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Who called it a glory hole and not

another dick in the wall

[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

Digging a hole for yourself

A grave mistake

Some people don’t know why the black hole picture is such a big deal...

Honestly, they just don’t get the gravity of it.

What did the black hole say after it swallowed an asteroid?

"It was good, but I wish it been a little meteor."

What’s the difference between a pothole and a regular hole?

One is a little higher than the other.

A black hole walks into a bar...

Bartender says "Oh not you again!"

"Yeah it's me, set me up"

"Usual light beer?" says the bartender.

"Of course, bring on the puns"

Lady at the bar "So your the famous blackhole we have been hearing so much about and that you know the answer to every joke"

Blackhol...

You know why I hate black holes?

Because I'm rasict

Did you hear about the guy that fell into the big hole in the ground with water at the bootom?

He couldn't see that well

How did the black hole lose so much weight?

It's simple, he ate light!

The first image of a Black Hole will be revealed today

it will pull everyone together

What's a condom with holes in it called?

Kinder surprise.

A little girl was walking on a frozen lake when she saw a wolf who had fallen in a hole in the ice and was drowing.

The girl, having a pure heart, runs to it, kneels down, plunges her arms in the icy water, grabs the wolf's tail at the very last moment and pulls, pulls, pulls until she manages to bring the poor animal back on the ice shelf.



At that moment, the wolf changes into a prince. The girl b...

What goes down an alley and has holes in it?

Batman’s parents

I went to the Black Hole Nightclub.

It was really boring but the potential was infinite.

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A mouse walks up to the watering hole in the jungle,

He shouts at the "hippo you get the fuck out of the water"

the hippo gets out and the mouse says "fine you can get back in"

He shouts at the elephant "you fatso get out the water"

the elephant gets out, the mouse says "ok you can get back in"

he then does this to the...

A concerned citizen reported a hole in the fence at the local nudist colony.

Police are looking in to it.

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Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".

The correct term is "turd-world countries".

Why did it take scientists so long to get a picture of a black hole?

If they wanted a picture of something devouring all life force around them, they could have just asked for a picture of my mother in law.

I just got scammed out of $10.

I bought a Tiger Woods DVD called “My Favorite 18 Holes.” Apparently it’s about golf.

In the first photo of a black hole

, scientists will find a large number of headphones, lipstick, umbrella, charging treasure, data cable, single socks, ...

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your pool?

Bob.

In a pile of leaves?

Russell.

In a hole?

Doug.

On a wall?

Art.

At your front door?

Matt.

Two armless legless men in front of your window?

Kurt and Rod.

Everybody talks about how amazing the first black hole photo is

I think it's badly underexposed.

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I hear that Tiger Woods carries two sex dolls with him on a golf course...

...just in case he gets a hole in one.

Why did the black hole get arrested

It commited mass murder

I see the black hole all over Reddit today...

It’s the only one without a NSFW tag.

Why don't black holes get good grades ?

They aren't bright enough.

Two guys found a big hole in the middle of the woods.

First guy says, "Man would you look at that hole, wonder how deep it is?".

Second guy replies, "Good question, let's throw something in there and listen for it to hit the bottom".

So the guys throw in a rock and wait. Nothing.

Next they try a big heavy tree branch. Nothing a...

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what elongates when you pull on it, fits perfectly in a hole and good between breasts?

a dick.

what did you think i was gonna say, a seatbelt?

Supervisor: How did you manage to burn down the house, I just told you drill a few holes in the wall!

Worker: I'm sorry... But it was a fire drill

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Bob was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang...

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible.

As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best...

You know those socks with a hole in it, so one of your toes sticks out?

That’s the kind of underpants I’m wearing today

The new image shows the black hole having bright ring formed as photons from light gets drawn in the intense gravity around a black hole that is 6.5 billion times more massive than the Sun…

..but it still doesn't suck more than your Mom.

Someone was banging on my door yesterday and yelling "let me in, let me in". I went and had a look through the peep hole, and standing outside was a man dressed as a basin.

Just let that sink in.

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I see people disliking black hole

If it was bleached then maybe they would like it

Then again, some ass holes need to lighten up

What's my personal opinion about the black hole photo?

It sucks

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