This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, has choked people when used improperly, and works best when jerked?

A seatbelt.

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

Be careful today when searching "Giant Black Hole Pics"

All I keep getting are scientific articles.

Two men golfing...

Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go.

The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns ...

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't beca...

A friend of mine told me he'd heard about a local glory hole...

He received an anonymous tip.

I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold.

I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him.

A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him. He doesn’t think much of it until lunch when he goes for a walk and sees the two still at and a whole line of freshly dug and filled in holes. He walks up to them.

C...

On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods, the golfer."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."

The couple then makes passionate love.

When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."

"Tiger wouldn't do t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you know that when you say the word “poop”, your mouth does the same motion as your bum hole?

The same is true for the phrase, “explosive diarrhea”.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say there is a 50/50 chance to have a female on the opposite side of the gloryhole

Right now I really hope that is a woman's penis

Two guys are walking through the woods one day when they stumble across a big deep hole.

The first guy peers into it and says, "Wow! That looks deep."

The second guy says, "It sure does. Let's throw a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is. We'll be able to tell the depth by how long it is before we hear the noise of the pebbles landing."

So they pick up a few pebbles...

While digging a hole in my garden, i found my lost wedding ring..

I rushed in to tell my wife, but remembered why i was digging the hole in the first place.

Two men were walking through the woods when they came across a big deep hole.

Two men were walking through the woods when they came across a big deep hole.

'Wow ... that looks deep,' says one. 'Let's toss a few pebbles in and see how deep it is.'
They threw in a few pebbles and waited, but there was no sound.

'Gee - that is a really deep hole. Let's throw one...

Why did the blonde go through a hole bottle of shampoo while taking a shower?

The directions said lather,rinse,repeat.

My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together.

At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter…

I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.

I thought to myself, "I really need a new fucking boat."

What do you call a donut with no holes?

A dnut.

My friend keeps saying cheer up it could be worse you could be in a hole in the ground full of water

I know he means well

Whenever I'm sad my friend always says "cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole that is full of water"

I know he means well...

Why did the blind woman fall into the water hole

She couldn't see that well

I bought a book about black holes

As soon as I opened it, I was immediately sucked in.

A black hole walks into a bar

The bartender asks, "Hey, would you like to buy anything?"



The black hole says, "No. I'm a light eater."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

(Long) (sort of NSFW) 1 hole behind

A man is trying out golf for the first time. He eventually loses track of where he is, so he asks a girl. The girl responds saying “ I am on hole 9, you are on 8. You are one hole behind me.” He thanks her and plays again. Once more, he loses track and asks the girl. The girl responds and says “ I a...

Do you know how to catch a bear?

Well, first you have to dig a deep hole in the woods and fill it half-full of ashes from the fireplace. Then place peas all around the outside of the hole. Finally, you hide in some nearby bushes and wait for a bear to come by.

When a bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole. ...

My wife divorced me because I accidentally put it in the wrong hole

Fair enough it was her sister's but still...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Who called it a glory hole and not

another dick in the wall

What's a condom with holes in it called?

Kinder surprise.

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

A nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a hole in the roof of your church."

"Thank you for telling me," he replies "but you've been here for years, it's our church."

The next day the nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a broken window in your- I mean, our, church." He thanks her again and calls for a repairman.

The following day the priest is prep...

I was at a car boot the other day, and saw a vintage cup with a hole in it

People were throwing prices around, like $250 and $300, but I don't think those prices hold any water.

A blonde was going ice fishing. When she drilled the first hole she heard a voice “there’s no fish under the ice!” So she stood up and found a new spot. As she drilled the second hole she heard the voice again “there’s no fish under the ice!!” So the blonde responded with a shiver “god is that you?”

“No mam I’m the janitor of this ice rink”

What do you get when you pour coffee into a black hole?

Hyperspace.

[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

Did you hear about the guy that fell into the big hole in the ground with water at the bootom?

He couldn't see that well

A black hole walks into a bar...

Bartender says "Oh not you again!"

"Yeah it's me, set me up"

"Usual light beer?" says the bartender.

"Of course, bring on the puns"

Lady at the bar "So your the famous blackhole we have been hearing so much about and that you know the answer to every joke"

Blackhol...

How did the black hole lose so much weight?

It's simple, he ate light!

What did the black hole say after it swallowed an asteroid?

"It was good, but I wish it been a little meteor."

NSFW My wife went to see a murder mystery film titled "Glory holes and murder"

When she came back home, she looked really wide eyed. "I said you look shocked"
She said "yes, a surprise ending, but I never saw it coming..."

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting with St. Peter at the pearly gates when all of a sudden she hears the most bloodcurdling screams.

"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.

Ten minutes later, there are more loud and dreadful screams "Oh my God," says the old l...

Some people don’t know why the black hole picture is such a big deal...

Honestly, they just don’t get the gravity of it.

You know why I hate black holes?

Because I'm rasict

I went to the Black Hole Nightclub.

It was really boring but the potential was infinite.

The first image of a Black Hole will be revealed today

it will pull everyone together

Two guys found a big hole in the middle of the woods.

First guy says, "Man would you look at that hole, wonder how deep it is?".

Second guy replies, "Good question, let's throw something in there and listen for it to hit the bottom".

So the guys throw in a rock and wait. Nothing.

Next they try a big heavy tree branch. Nothing a...

There was a father mole, a mother mole, and a baby mole that lived in a hole out in the country not far from a farmhouse.

One morning, the father mole poked his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmm, I think I smell sausage cooking!”

The mother mole pushed the father mole aside, poked her head outside the hole, and said, “Mmmm, I think I smell pancakes!”

The baby mole tried to push aside the two bigger mol...

A concerned citizen reported a hole in the fence at the local nudist colony.

Police are looking in to it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

To see the black hole they needed to build a telescope the size of the earth

To which my wife replied, “Maybe they can build a bigger one that could see your penis.”

(I wish this wasn’t a true story)

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your pool?

Bob.

In a pile of leaves?

Russell.

In a hole?

Doug.

On a wall?

Art.

At your front door?

Matt.

Two armless legless men in front of your window?

Kurt and Rod.

I invented a new golf ball that’ll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches...

Whatever you do, do NOT carry them in your back pocket...

Why did it take scientists so long to get a picture of a black hole?

If they wanted a picture of something devouring all life force around them, they could have just asked for a picture of my mother in law.

I just got scammed out of $10.

I bought a Tiger Woods DVD called “My Favorite 18 Holes.” Apparently it’s about golf.

What goes down an alley and has holes in it?

Batman’s parents

Why don't black holes get good grades ?

They aren't bright enough.

You know those socks with a hole in it, so one of your toes sticks out?

That’s the kind of underpants I’m wearing today

I see the black hole all over Reddit today...

It’s the only one without a NSFW tag.

The new image shows the black hole having bright ring formed as photons from light gets drawn in the intense gravity around a black hole that is 6.5 billion times more massive than the Sun…

..but it still doesn't suck more than your Mom.

What do you get when you pour scalding water in a rabbit hole?

A hot, cross, bunny.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

what elongates when you pull on it, fits perfectly in a hole and good between breasts?

a dick.

what did you think i was gonna say, a seatbelt?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I see people disliking black hole

If it was bleached then maybe they would like it

Then again, some ass holes need to lighten up

I love black holes

they matter a lot to me

Someone was banging on my door yesterday and yelling "let me in, let me in". I went and had a look through the peep hole, and standing outside was a man dressed as a basin.

Just let that sink in.

Spread sheets are usually people’s first step into white supremacy

How else do you cut eye holes evenly, with out spreading it out first?

It took 8 of the world's most powerful telescopes to take a picture of a black hole.

They could of just asked for a screenshot of my bank account.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jim, Jeff and Joe are having a few beers at the local watering hole....

and seeing as their wives aren't around to tell the REAL truth, they start talking about what happens when they get in an argument.


"Well, when Jessica and I get in an argument about what to watch on TV, I tell her I bought the damn TV so I get to pick what we watch and when we watch it...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bob was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang...

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible.

As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best...

There's a petition going around to name the black hole after Chris Cornell from Soundgarden

There gonna call it the cornhole

Black holes are like punchlines

You don't see them coming.

What's my personal opinion about the black hole photo?

It sucks

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".

The correct term is "turd-world countries".

It’s amazing that we got a picture of a supermassive black hole 52 million light years away from us...

Maybe, one day we can get a full picture of your mom.

They finally released the first picture of the black hole the other day.

I found the story really sucks you in and helps you grasp the gravity of the situation.

With the announcement of the first picture of a black hole, scientists have confirmed

once you go black you never do come back

Pat and Mick were walking down the street when Pat fell into a big hole filled with milk.

Mick runs over to the hole and asks:

“Pat, is it pasteurised?”

To which Pat replies:

“Nah, it’s only up to my knees!”

I stopped seeing black hole jokes all of a sudden.

I guess we've passed the event horizon

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I am getting tired of porn that say her used all her holes..

I have never seen a dick go into a nostril or ear yet!

We need more jokes about the black hole

Said no one ever

The supermassive black hole in the core of the Messier 87 galaxy measures 40 billion km across, three million times the size of the Earth, and has a mass 6.5 billion times that of the Sun.

Almost as big as your mom.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A kiss will make your whole day

Anal will make your hole weak!

Whilst working out earlier I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in

But apparently she doesnt like that, and now I'm banned from my gym.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You shouldn't refer to them as Shit Hole countries.

The proper term is Turd World.

The first picture of a black hole was released today

but technology will need another century before it can capture an image of your mom.

If you wanted to see a black hole...

I could have just shown you my student loan statement.

Look down a mole hole, what do you see?

Molasses.

Why did the black hole get arrested

It commited mass murder

A guy wins the lottery. So he decides to live his life like rich people. What does rich people do ? They play golf, so he goes to a country club to play golf.

He didn’t know anything about golf. Didn’t bring a caddie . After an hour of struggling/playing, he gets lost. Didn’t see anyone until finally he sees a girl and asks her..
“ Sorry, to bother you, but I dont know where I am, could you tell me ?”.... “Sure, you are in the 5th hole, Im in the 6t...

Two men walk up to a hole

One says to the other, "I wonder how deep this hole is" then picks up an anvil near them and throws it down the hole.

After about 20 seconds, the men hear a goat running behind them and it jumps in the hole. "Woah!" they both thought.

Then, a farmer walks up to them and asks them if ...

Did you hear about that celebrity who got caught stealing a whole bunch of cheese?

True story, it was Brie Larson.

How is a 9 volt battery like an a**hole?

It may be wrong, but sooner or later you're gonna put your tongue on both of them.

"Say, you and your wife... did you ever put it in the other hole?"

"Are you crazy, man? She'd get pregnant!"

A man is locked in a room with no doors or windows...

The only thing in there with him is a red marble and a blue marble.

He says, “well, I have a red marble and I have a blue marble, and two haves make whole.” And so he uses that whole to climb out.

You say, “That’s stupid. It’s two *halves* that make a whole, not two ‘haves.’ And an...