whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

donald trump has never had a garbanzo bean on his face.

My wife actually did just ask me if a chickpea is the same as a garbanzo bean. Thanks r/jokes!

I knew that the correct response is: "Different. No guy ever paid $100 to have a garbanzo bean on his face."

How can you tell the difference between a can of soup and a can of baked beans?

Read the label.

Bean Disaster

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he wa...

At the end of the day, we’re all human beans

Together we will rice. Now lettuce pray. Ramen.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't pay $10 to have a garbanzo bean on my face

Why do they only put 239 beans in each can?

If they put one more in it would make the beans too farty.

Once upon a time, there was a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them but unfortunately they had always had very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry he thought to hims...

What is a bean that is outdated?

A has-bean

Krillin, Sean Bean and a Starfleet redshirt walk into a bar.

They all lived.

Why have all the baked beans move to Queensland?

Because they like to live in Cairns

Why did the coffee bean hide in the tree?

He heard he was going to be grounded.

What does a coffee bean tell when he insults another coffee bean

'' You just got ROASTED ''

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

"My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans”

What’s 120 pinto beans plus 120 kidney beans?

Two-farty

Coffee isn't electrically conductive in bean form.

But it is when it's ground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you eat peanut butter and baked beans?

A fart that sticks to the roof of your ass

Mr Bean vs Einstein

Einstein challenges Mr Bean.
He says "If you can't answer my question you'll give me 1$ and if I can't answer yours i'll give you 1000$."
Mr Bean agrees. So Einstein gives him a really hard question where he doesn't know the answer to, so he gives Einstein 1$.
Now it was Mr Beans turn, s...

Dr. Geezer

An old geezer got bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put up a sign that said “Dr. Geezer’s clinic: Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1000.”

Dr. Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a ...

What is Muhammad Ali's nickname after he eats beans?

Gassius Clay

What does walter white order at a mexican restraunt?

Rice n' beans

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] Two brothers, a vegan and a carnivore, sit down to Thanksgiving dinner together with their family...

The father intones, "on this day of thanks, let us give thanks to God..."

The vegan brother interrupts..."I'm not eating the turkey..."

The carnivore brother replies, " that's fine, there's plenty of other food on the table."

The vegan then says " I'm not eating any of the stuff...

A coffee addict goes to rehab to get clean

During group reflection they said

Group: "Steve tell us a little about your struggles"

Steve: "Well it started off as a kid, my grandpa would let me sip on a coffee with lots of cream and sugar. I knew from the moment it hit my lips, coffee was what i wanted to do with my life. By the...

A guy walks into a coffee shop

He goes the counter and asks, “So what’s the special?”

The barista shakes her head, “I can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

The man frowns. “What do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”

The barista shakes her head.

“A mocha?”

She shakes her...

Imagine this told with a Boston accent...

Why are there 239 beans in every can of Bostons baked beans?

Because if there was even 1 more, they'd be too farty.

I used to can beans for a living,

In Heinz sight it wasn't a bad job.

Green beans

Did you know that if you say "GULLIBLE" really slowly, it sounds like "GREEN BEANS"??

A concerned mother checks her son into a mental hospital after he traded the family cow for some “magic” beans.

“Ma’am” the doctor said with a look of sympathy “I’m afraid your son has a strong case of schizophrenia.”

“Oh good lord, I knew there was something wrong when he insisted those beans were magic” the mother said wiping a tear from her eye.

“Well no it’s not that, the beans are actually ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes into a greengrocers to buy some broccoli.

She looks all around the store, but can't see any broccoli anywhere, so she asks the grocer.

He replies, "I'm sorry, but we're out of broccoli today. Perhaps some cauliflower would do instead?"

The lady ponders for a moment. "No, I'm afraid cauliflower won't work. Two heads of broccoli...

I went to a barbeque food truck with a silver dollar.

I handed it to the lady and said, "Could I get some fries for this?"

"Sure, but what else do you want?" Confused, I said "Well, just the fries. This is all I have." She seemed slightly annoyed, "Ok, sir... But would you prefer a baked potato, green beans, cornbread or mac and cheese to go alo...

What kinda beans cannibals eat?

Kidney beans

One day, a father and two sons went fishing

A woman came up and asked, "What are your names?" The dad replies, "My name's Dean, this is my son Bean." The woman gestured to the other son questioningly and the dad got the most upset, disappointed look in his face and went, "That's my other son, *Sean*"

Nothing is certain but death, taxes and Sean Bean dying in a movie

...and I'm not completely sure about the first two.

What did the female couple order on their burrito?

Less beans.

What is the first name of Mr. Bean?

Piratesofthecarib

Recently a robber stole 300 cups worth of coffee beans

How does he sleep at night.

How do you sell beans for the price of beef?

Make vegan burger.

How did Jack's mother find out he didn't sell the cow at the market?

He'd bean stalked.

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