The 25+ Best Bean Jokes

What do you call mr bean if he was high

A baked bean

What's the difference between a chickpea and a pinto bean?

I never had a pinto bean on my face

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so...

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean

Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
...

I tried to send Sean Bean a death threat

He mistook it for a job offer. :(

How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup?

239. Because one more would make it too farty

Mr. Bean and Einstein are playing a game

"Shall we play a game?" Einstein asked.

Mr. Bean nodded.

"Here are the rules: I will ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me a dollar. Then you ask me a question and if I can't answer it, I will give you $1000," said Einstein.

"Ok," said Mr. Bean.

"A...

Just traded my girlfriend for a bean burrito.

Food for thot.

I decided to eat my baked beans through my nose.

In Heinz sight, it was a terrible decision.

What did one bean say to the other bean?

How you Bean?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into the Doctor with a carrot in his ear, a runner bean in the other and a cucumber up his arse

'Well' says the Doctor 'You're clearly not eating properly'

Irish bean soup

(Read in an Irish accent for effect)

An Irish mam and her wee lad were sitting in the kitchen as she taught him to make her famous Irish bean soup.

"Now son," she explained, "what really makes a bean soup is how many beans you use. More is better, but you must remember: never, NEVER p...

whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

donald trump has never had a garbanzo bean on his face.

How does a baked bean learn from its mistakes?

It uses Heinz sight.

What happens when a hooker eats a bean burrito?

Prostitoots!

Fun fact! Irish soups only use 239 beans

If they used one more, it would be two-fahrty...

Coffee is just bean tea!

Just let that steep for a few minutes

Mr Bean and Einstein in a flight together.

Einstein: Hey Mr Bean, let's play a game. I would ask you a question. If you can't answer it, you will have to give me ten dollars. You ask me a question and if I can't answer it I would give you a thousand dollars.

Bean: Okay, we can play that.

Einstein: What's the percentage of Nitro...

I saw a bean and a song sitting together at a bar.

I could tell the song was quite drunk and was really chatting up the bean.

The song said, “Hey there, bean. I *like* you beans because you’re the *musical* fruit. But I’ll tell you I cannot *stand* garbanzo beans. We songs wish to be *sung!* Those damn garbanzo beans only hummus.”

Did you hear about the coffee bean that committed murder?

It was sentenced to death by decaffeination.

Beans!

A group of beans were traveling around France...

They ended up in Cannes.

What is the first name of Mr. Bean?

Piratesofthecarib

A man walks into the doctor's office with green beans hanging out of his nose and a carrot in each ear . . .

He says, Doc, I've been losing weight. What do you think could be wrong with me?

The doc leans back, looks at him, scratches his chin for a minute, and says, "I don't think you're eating right."

What country has the coldest bean stew

Chile

Why did the coffee bean hide in the tree?

He heard he was going to be grounded.

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