This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the therapist counsel the jar of jam to do?

"if you'd only open up, people would realize how sweet you were."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?

You can’t peanut butter your penis into someone’s mouth

What do you get when you cross the ultimate jam band with the ultimate cheesy arena rock band?

Phish Styx

Enterprise maintenance log, stardate 2259.55: Today, the main sewage system got jammed by the captain's log again.

Medical promised to recommend a change to his diet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was her bread and she was my jam

One day she left me saying 'I deserve butter'

What do Portal and Pearl Jam have in common?

I’m still alive

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

Senate Republicans can't jelly Judge Barrett onto the Supreme Court.

In the USA, a driver gets stuck in a traffic jam...

In the USA, a driver gets stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Standing column.

Suddenly someone knocks on the side window. He lets down the window and asks: "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped President Trump. They are demanding a ransom of $ 100 million or they will pour...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lad was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 180mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 180, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks,
"What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between jam and marmalade?

You can't marmalade your cock in someones ass.

An engineer dies and is sent to hell

He’s hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from plce to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the ...

A horse is sitting at home, bored, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the ...

What does the band Pearl Jam say when they’re discouraged?

Ugh, we’re not getting Eddy Vetter!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Difference between Jam and Jelly

My girlfriend who lives up north, just asked me, “what’s the difference between Jam and Jelly?”
I said well Andrea, for one I can’t jelly my dick up your ass!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

My office printer doesn't jelly every time I try to print :(

Studio apartments are probably the ideal apartments for recording fresh new jams.

Props to the apartment naming committee.

I really don't understand why people like traffic jams...

But apparently they are lining up for it.

What do British people do when there is a traffic jam at a roundabout?

They form a Q.

what's the difference between a submarine and a jar of jam?

the submarine can hold way more jam.

People say they like rock and roll,

But I like the opposite, paper and slide is my jam

There is a large traffic jam in Washington DC

A man gets caught in a huge traffic jam in DC. While sitting motionless on the road a man approaches him on foot. The man rolls down his window and asks what’s going on.

“The whole capitol is in chaos, armed men have stormed the Capitol Building and are holding congress hostage, they say they...

Did you hear about the depressed traffic jam?

It was really bummer-to-bummer.

Why was the guitar late for work?

He got caught in a jam.

What is a car's favourite food?

Traffic jam!

Why was the door jammed even though it was wide open?

Because it was a jar.

I stopped vaccinating my kids because I wasn't comfortable jamming a needle into their arms.

Now I get my Doctor to do it.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it's going by. As he gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Fe...

Did you hear about the guy who made giraffe and elephant jam?

He called it Wildlife Preserve.

How do you start a jam session on an Apple computer?

Iphone,

iphtwo,

iphone, iphtwo, iphthree...

Why was the baby strawberry crying?

Her mom was in a jam

I went and saw Pearl Jam in the early ‘90’s and I thought to myself...

This couldn’t get Eddie Vedder

Two financial advisors are in a bank when armed robbers burst in...

While one of the robbers takes the money from the tellers, the other proceeds to take the wallets, cell phones, watches, and other valuables from the customers.

In the midst of the chaos, the first advisor jams something into his friend’s hand. Without looking down, the second advisor says, "...

You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats something you can say in a traffic jam and during sex?

"I better call my wife and tell her I'm gonna be home late"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

A lady went to fake her death to fool her boyfriend, she bought some jam and prepared...

The boyfriend came home and immediately knew she was faking it.

The lady frowned and asked "How did you know?"

The man chuckled lightly and said "you used blueberry"

Music growing up.

It was always interesting growing up and listening to music in the car. When I was in my mom's car we always listened to country music. With dad driving I heard a never ending stream if talk radio. My favorite though was with grandpa, we would jam out to the turn signal he forgot to turn off since w...

A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.

The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much ...

I like my enemies like I like my jam.

On the end of a knife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you jam your penis in the usb slot?

It gets ewrecked.

"Why is there music coming out of your printer?"

"That will be the paper jamming again!"

I head into my office to print something out, but the printer is out of paper...

I got some paper to refill it, and that's when I noticed something interesting. The paper company was advertising it's social media accounts... I wondered what the Paper Company was doing with an Instagram account so I decided to check them out. Turns out a large percentage of their posts were about...

Why couldn’t the strawberry shoot it’s gun?

Because it was jammed

Saw a group of Sikh men jamming out to heavy metal the other day

They were definitely Down With The Sikhness

After you reach Nirvana but before you make The Offspring, what goes in the Bush?

Pearl Jam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife asked me what was the difference between jam and jelly

I told her I can't really jelly my dick in her mouth.

Oh, so there's no real difference, she replied.

A woman found herself in a traffic jam...

on the freeway in Washington DC. Traffic was locked up for over an hour when she saw some men walking towards her car carrying buckets. She leaned out of her window and asked them what was going on up ahead. The men explained that terrorists had taken over the capitol and they were holding Congress...

What happened when the strawberry attempted to cross the road?

There was a traffic jam

My printer just told me it was joining a band

Which makes sense.

It loves to jam.

What do you call a traffic jam in Compton?

A blood clot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An irish sailor with the steering wheel of a ship jammed into his crotch walks into a bar

He walks into the bar

The bartender approaches him worried and says to the sailor " What the fuck man is that a steering wheel?"

To wich the sailor replies "Aye lad, it's drivin me nuts"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Fijian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe, when a New Zealand tourist, chewing gum, sat next to him...

The Fijian politely ignored the New Zealander, who, never the less started up a conversation.

The New Zealander snapped his gum and said, "You Fijian folks eat the whole bread?"

The Fijian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."

Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

I don’t vaccinate my kids because I don’t feel safe jamming a needle into their arm.

I’d rather have a professional do it

What was the first thought of the person who created jam/jelly?

I need to preserve my legacy

What did the DJ say when showing off his marmelade?

Thats my JAM!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was taking a train to the city from a rural town, when he saw the most beautiful blonde he'd ever laid his eyes on

Upon close inspection, it seemed that the woman was a country bumpkin; and that he overheard her say to an attendant that it was her first time riding a train, and going to a big city.


Because his lust was too strong, he was determined to take advantage of her and waited for an opportunit...

I rode on an elevator to the eleventh floor and the operator jammed the door and introduced himself as Rick.

"Let me out, Rick! This isn't my floor!" I begged.

He smiled. "Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down."

If you’re skydiving and your parachute jams...

there's no need to panic; You have rest of your life to fix it.

What do you call it when two dinosaurs run into each other?

A Jurassic jam.

I was visiting a jam factory the other day,

They asked me if I had heard of any of the new techniques being used to grow berries. I told them that I wasn't up to date on my currant events.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.