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One day jam broke up with bread and what did she say

She said u deserve "butter"

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

My office printer doesn't jelly every time I try to print :(

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks,
"What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fir...

An engineer dies and goes to hell.

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor is jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to t...

Studio apartments are probably the ideal apartments for recording fresh new jams.

Props to the apartment naming committee.

I have a secret joke about jams but I'm not gonna tell you.

You might spread it.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it's going by. As he gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Fe...

What do British people do when there is a traffic jam at a roundabout?

They form a Q.

I really don't understand why people like traffic jams...

But apparently they are lining up for it.

Did you hear about the depressed traffic jam?

It was really bummer-to-bummer.

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So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

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The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

There is a large traffic jam in Washington DC

A man gets caught in a huge traffic jam in DC. While sitting motionless on the road a man approaches him on foot. The man rolls down his window and asks what’s going on.

“The whole capitol is in chaos, armed men have stormed the Capitol Building and are holding congress hostage, they say they...

Did you hear about the guy who made giraffe and elephant jam?

He called it Wildlife Preserve.

How do you start a jam session on an Apple computer?

Iphone,

iphtwo,

iphone, iphtwo, iphthree...

I stopped vaccinating my kids because I wasn't comfortable jamming a needle into their arms.

Now I get my Doctor to do it.

I went and saw Pearl Jam in the early ‘90’s and I thought to myself...

This couldn’t get Eddie Vedder

A truck carrying fruits accidentally spilled them all over the expressway

It caused a traffic jam

A lady went to fake her death to fool her boyfriend, she bought some jam and prepared...

The boyfriend came home and immediately knew she was faking it.

The lady frowned and asked "How did you know?"

The man chuckled lightly and said "you used blueberry"

You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

I like my enemies like I like my jam.

On the end of a knife.

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What happens when you jam your penis in the usb slot?

It gets ewrecked.

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Whats something you can say in a traffic jam and during sex?

"I better call my wife and tell her I'm gonna be home late"

Why doesn’t Bob Marley eat PB&J sandwiches?

Because he’s more of a jam man.

It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times...

Yes, it was the middle of the French Revolution, and Robespierre and his revolutionaries had gathered up a priest, a member of the aristocracy and an engineer, packed them into a tumbrel and dragged them off to the square to the waiting guillotine.

First they dragged the priest up onto the pl...

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A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The nake...

A coach full of musicians has broken down on the motorway

Police have said to expect some lengthy jams

Saw a group of Sikh men jamming out to heavy metal the other day

They were definitely Down With The Sikhness

What do you call blackberries playing the guitar?

A jam session.

What would have been Beethoven's record label?

Deaf Jam.

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My wife asked me what was the difference between jam and jelly

I told her I can't really jelly my dick in her mouth.

Oh, so there's no real difference, she replied.

A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.

The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much ...

I really like boiling fruits for hours

That's my jam

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An irish sailor with the steering wheel of a ship jammed into his crotch walks into a bar

He walks into the bar

The bartender approaches him worried and says to the sailor " What the fuck man is that a steering wheel?"

To wich the sailor replies "Aye lad, it's drivin me nuts"

What do printers eat on their toast?

Paper jam.

I was wondering why music was coming from my printer

Apparently the paper was jamming

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

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What is the easiest way to fit an entire peanut butter sandwich into your mouth?

You jam it.

A woman found herself in a traffic jam...

on the freeway in Washington DC. Traffic was locked up for over an hour when she saw some men walking towards her car carrying buckets. She leaned out of her window and asked them what was going on up ahead. The men explained that terrorists had taken over the capitol and they were holding Congress...

I don’t vaccinate my kids because I don’t feel safe jamming a needle into their arm.

I’d rather have a professional do it

What do you call a traffic jam in Compton?

A blood clot

When a guy walks into a room full of other guys he usually comments on how its a sausage fest...

So I wonder do girls walk into a room full of girls and comment on how its a fish fest or total clam jam?

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After experiencing Nirvana during sex, but before you make The Offspring, what do you produce?

Pearl Jam.

What was the first thought of the person who created jam/jelly?

I need to preserve my legacy

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A Fijian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe, when a New Zealand tourist, chewing gum, sat next to him...

The Fijian politely ignored the New Zealander, who, never the less started up a conversation.

The New Zealander snapped his gum and said, "You Fijian folks eat the whole bread?"

The Fijian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."

Th...

I rode on an elevator to the eleventh floor and the operator jammed the door and introduced himself as Rick.

"Let me out, Rick! This isn't my floor!" I begged.

He smiled. "Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down."

"When I started my job, they handed me three envelopes."

"*These three envelopes were left to you by the previous employee who was recently let go. He said to open them in order if you ever got into a jam.*"

The job didn't seem so tough, and after all, why would I want to take advice from the guy who was just fired? I threw the envelopes into a dra...

Why did the little strawberry cry?

Because her mother was in a jam.

I was visiting a jam factory the other day,

They asked me if I had heard of any of the new techniques being used to grow berries. I told them that I wasn't up to date on my currant events.

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What is the difference between jam and jelly?

I've never fucked a jamfish.

If you’re skydiving and your parachute jams...

there's no need to panic; You have rest of your life to fix it.

A Smuckers truck blew up in front of me today

I got stuck in a horrible traffic jam

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I covered my girlfriend in flour, butter,milk, clotted cream and jam.

Boy was she mad... I guess hell hath no fury like a woman sconed

A new Jam based glue has been invented

Its called Jams bond

The other day I was really stuck in a jam, don't worry though...

I preservered.

Why does my printer want to join a band?

It always loves to jam

To cheer me up my fiancee got me tickets to Pearl Jam.

But three songs in I still wasn't feeling Eddie Vedder

What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?

Jam is made from crushed, pureed fruit and Jelly is made from fruit juice that gels when cooked.

What'd you think I was gonna say? Get your head out of the gutter.

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