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Jam Jokes

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Santa doesn't jelly himself down the chimney on Christmas Eve.
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Pearl Jam tried to warn us about Ticketmaster in the Nineties. We didn't listen.

Probably because we couldn't understand what Eddie Vedder was saying.
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There's a major traffic jam all through DC

All through Washington DC all traffic comes to a full stop...after many minutes people start getting out of their cars and talking. Before too long a guy starts walking car to car collecting donations, so I flag the guy down and ask him what the heck is going on! He explains there's been a major te...
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What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

I can't peanut butter my dick in your ass

Does dad like jam?

No but marmite
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A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks,
"What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fir...
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A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

Whats the worst kind of jam for breakfast?

Traffic jam
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My infant daughter likes to dip her toes in jam and lick it off

Fruit By The Foot!
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what is the female version of rock out with your cock out?

Jam out with your clam out.

Based on Lebron's acting skills, I suspect Space Jam 2...

Will be a flop.
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An engineer dies and is sent to hell

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the...
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I was her bread and she was my jam

One day she left me saying 'I deserve butter'

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What’s the difference between jelly and jam?

I didn’t jelly my dick in your mom’s ass last night.

Call me Pearl Jam

cuz I got a kidney stone
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What did the peons at the jam factory say when asked if they needed to use the loo?

"No time for loos, sir,

'Cause we are the jam peons!"
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What is the difference between jam and jelly?

Jam is made from whole or cut up pieces of fruit with sugar.

Jelly is made from only the fruit juice and sugar.

Did you think I was going to say "I can't Jelly my dick up your ass"?

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What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?

You can’t peanut butter your penis into someone’s mouth

What did the goose say in the traffic jam?

HONK!!!!! HONK!!!!!
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How do you get out of a jam?

By having a toast
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What's the difference between jam and jelly?

Senate Republicans can't jelly Judge Barrett onto the Supreme Court.
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A couple, after a rather successful first date and are heading back to the guy's apartment.

As the guy reaches for his keys, the girl says, "Oh, this part usually tells me how a guy is in bed. If a guy fumbles around trying to get the key into the lock, it means he hasn't had much experience and has no idea what he's doing, but if the guy just jams the key in, it means he's very forceful a...
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A friend of mine is dating a woman he met during a traffic jam.

"She was in the car ahead of me," he said, "and I accidentally stepped on the gas when I meant to hit the brake."

"Did you rear-end her?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, but not until the third date."
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Pearl Jam have had to cancel some gigs in Europe after Eddie Vedder experienced some issues with his throat.

The band tried to source a temporary replacement vocalist, but they can’t find a better man.
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Oh No! Not ELON!

Man is driving along the freeway when he is stopped by a huge traffic jam.

After sitting there for quite a long time, he sees another man walking from car-to-car.

The second man finally gets up to his car. He rolls down the window....

"Hey man, what's going on up ahead?"
...
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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

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What did the therapist counsel the jar of jam to do?

"if you'd only open up, people would realize how sweet you were."

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Difference between Jam and Jelly

My girlfriend who lives up north, just asked me, “what’s the difference between Jam and Jelly?”
I said well Andrea, for one I can’t jelly my dick up your ass!

What do Portal and Pearl Jam have in common?

I’m still alive
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Pearl Jam just came out with a product that regulates women’s periods

They’re calling it Even Flow
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What's the difference between jam and jelly?

My office printer doesn't jelly every time I try to print :(
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What did the jam band groupie say when she broke up with her boyfriend?

So long, and thanks for all the phish
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I don't like jam

but my marmite

Note : Girlfriend was determined this was a good joke, I thought it was trash. You decide.
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There is a large traffic jam in Washington DC

A man gets caught in a huge traffic jam in DC. While sitting motionless on the road a man approaches him on foot. The man rolls down his window and asks what’s going on.

“The whole capitol is in chaos, armed men have stormed the Capitol Building and are holding congress hostage, they say they...
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A woman found herself in a traffic jam...

on the freeway in Washington DC. Traffic was locked up for over an hour when she saw some men walking towards her car carrying buckets. She leaned out of her window and asked them what was going on up ahead. The men explained that terrorists had taken over the capitol and they were holding Congress...
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Did you hear about the depressed traffic jam?

It was really bummer-to-bummer.
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Never ask an undertaker for something to get you out of a jam in a hurry.

They always give you the last thing you need.
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I like my enemies like I like my jam.

On the end of a knife.
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What did the jam say to the bread after the failure of their relationship?

"Your deserve butter."

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Whats something you can say in a traffic jam and during sex?

"I better call my wife and tell her I'm gonna be home late"

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Why are there so many traffic jams

But no traffic peanutbutter?

What does the band Pearl Jam say when they’re discouraged?

Ugh, we’re not getting Eddy Vetter!
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I left my house and noticed the door wouldn't close because it kept hitting a container of strawberry jam

Guess you could say the door was held ajar
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A lad was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 180mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 180, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...
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I really don't understand why people like traffic jams...

But apparently they are lining up for it.
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What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?

Jam is made from crushed, pureed fruit and Jelly is made from fruit juice that gels when cooked.

What'd you think I was gonna say? Get your head out of the gutter.
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What do you call jam made from deer meat?

Wildlife Preserve
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How do you start a jam session on an Apple computer?

Iphone,

iphtwo,

iphone, iphtwo, iphthree...
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I went and saw Pearl Jam and I thought to myself...

This couldn’t get Eddie Vedder
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What's the difference between jelly and jam?

I've never gotten stuck in a traffic jelly!
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Why was the door jammed even though it was wide open?

Because it was a jar.
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Google just test fired the first fully automated rifle ever made, but it jammed on the first shot!

While going through the diagnostics R&D figured out the problem: ERR 404, GUN FAILED TO LOAD.
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I recently learned how to store jam properly.

I must say, it was a rather jarring event.
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What happens when you jam your penis in the usb slot?

It gets ewrecked.

I got arrested while jamming on my guitar..

Apparently, I was fingering A Minor.
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I was visiting a jam factory the other day,

They asked me if I had heard of any of the new techniques being used to grow berries. I told them that I wasn't up to date on my currant events.
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