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Whats the difference between peanut butter and jam?

I can't peanut butter my dick into your ass...

I have a secret joke about jams but I'm not gonna tell you.

You might spread it.

what's the difference between a submarine and a jar of jam?

the submarine can hold way more jam.

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks,
"What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fir...

What do British people do when there is a traffic jam at a roundabout?

They form a Q.

I really don't understand why people like traffic jams...

But apparently they are lining up for it.

Did you hear about the depressed traffic jam?

It was really bummer-to-bummer.

Why was the door jammed even though it was wide open?

Because it was a jar.

There is a large traffic jam in Washington DC

A man gets caught in a huge traffic jam in DC. While sitting motionless on the road a man approaches him on foot. The man rolls down his window and asks what’s going on.

“The whole capitol is in chaos, armed men have stormed the Capitol Building and are holding congress hostage, they say they...

An engineer dies and is sent to hell

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the...

Did you hear about the guy who made giraffe and elephant jam?

He called it Wildlife Preserve.

How do you start a jam session on an Apple computer?

Iphone,

iphtwo,

iphone, iphtwo, iphthree...

I stopped vaccinating my kids because I wasn't comfortable jamming a needle into their arms.

Now I get my Doctor to do it.

I went and saw Pearl Jam in the early ‘90’s and I thought to myself...

This couldn’t get Eddie Vedder

What do you call blackberries playing the guitar?

A jam session.

What did one blackberry say to the other blackberry?

If you weren't so sweet, we wouldn't be in this jam!

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The nake...

A lady went to fake her death to fool her boyfriend, she bought some jam and prepared...

The boyfriend came home and immediately knew she was faking it.

The lady frowned and asked "How did you know?"

The man chuckled lightly and said "you used blueberry"

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What's the real difference between jam and jelly?

My office printer sure doesn't jelly every single FUCKING THING I TRY TO PRINT.

I really like boiling fruits for hours

That's my jam

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Wait for it

So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the mus...

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I was her bread, she was my jam.

One day she left me saying, "You deserve butter".

I like my enemies like I like my jam.

On the end of a knife.

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What happens when you jam your penis in the usb slot?

It gets ewrecked.

You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

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Whats something you can say in a traffic jam and during sex?

"I better call my wife and tell her I'm gonna be home late"

When a guy walks into a room full of other guys he usually comments on how its a sausage fest...

So I wonder do girls walk into a room full of girls and comment on how its a fish fest or total clam jam?

Saw a group of Sikh men jamming out to heavy metal the other day

They were definitely Down With The Sikhness

"When I started my job, they handed me three envelopes."

"*These three envelopes were left to you by the previous employee who was recently let go. He said to open them in order if you ever got into a jam.*"

The job didn't seem so tough, and after all, why would I want to take advice from the guy who was just fired? I threw the envelopes into a dra...

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My wife asked me what was the difference between jam and jelly

I told her I can't really jelly my dick in her mouth.

Oh, so there's no real difference, she replied.

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An irish sailor with the steering wheel of a ship jammed into his crotch walks into a bar

He walks into the bar

The bartender approaches him worried and says to the sailor " What the fuck man is that a steering wheel?"

To wich the sailor replies "Aye lad, it's drivin me nuts"

Why did the little strawberry cry?

Because her mother was in a jam.

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

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After experiencing Nirvana during sex, but before you make The Offspring, what do you produce?

Pearl Jam.

Why does my printer want to join a band?

It always loves to jam

I keep hearing music coming from the printer.

I think the paper is jamming.

A Smuckers truck blew up in front of me today

I got stuck in a horrible traffic jam

A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.

The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much ...

A woman found herself in a traffic jam...

on the freeway in Washington DC. Traffic was locked up for over an hour when she saw some men walking towards her car carrying buckets. She leaned out of her window and asked them what was going on up ahead. The men explained that terrorists had taken over the capitol and they were holding Congress...

I don’t vaccinate my kids because I don’t feel safe jamming a needle into their arm.

I’d rather have a professional do it

TRUE STORY:

Just had gotten groceries the other night and was putting them away, when I accidently dropped a jar of blackberry preserves on my big toe. talk about real toe jam.

What was the first thought of the person who created jam/jelly?

I need to preserve my legacy

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A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."...

What do you call a traffic jam in Compton?

A blood clot

I rode on an elevator to the eleventh floor and the operator jammed the door and introduced himself as Rick.

"Let me out, Rick! This isn't my floor!" I begged.

He smiled. "Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down."

Our photocopier in the office is called Bob Marley

'cause it's always jamming.

A driver is stuck on a highway in a massive traffic jam.

He sees two guys approach his vehicle.

"A few criminals managed to tie up all of the major politicians. They have threatened to light them up with gasoline if they can't get $1,000,000 in the next 24 hours. We're asking for donations."

The driver responds "What are most people donating...

The Hint

Young Lady is calling her boyfriend:

\- Hey, Jack, come to my place. Let's drink some tea...

\- Well, I feel quite alright at home.

\- C'mon, come to my place I've got some tasty jam...

\- Well, you know that I don't like sweets

\- Come to my place - let's f\*ck! <...

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A Fijian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe, when a New Zealand tourist, chewing gum, sat next to him...

The Fijian politely ignored the New Zealander, who, never the less started up a conversation.

The New Zealander snapped his gum and said, "You Fijian folks eat the whole bread?"

The Fijian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."

Th...

Why'd the jelly cross the road?

to create a traffic jam

I was visiting a jam factory the other day,

They asked me if I had heard of any of the new techniques being used to grow berries. I told them that I wasn't up to date on my currant events.

If you’re skydiving and your parachute jams...

there's no need to panic; You have rest of your life to fix it.

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I covered my girlfriend in flour, butter,milk, clotted cream and jam.

Boy was she mad... I guess hell hath no fury like a woman sconed

A new Jam based glue has been invented

Its called Jams bond

The other day I was really stuck in a jam, don't worry though...

I preservered.

Why did the jelly cross the road?

He wanted to create a traffic jam.



I am aware that these are 2 different substances

To cheer me up my fiancee got me tickets to Pearl Jam.

But three songs in I still wasn't feeling Eddie Vedder

What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?

Jam is made from crushed, pureed fruit and Jelly is made from fruit juice that gels when cooked.

What'd you think I was gonna say? Get your head out of the gutter.

I don't like jam

but my marmite

Note : Girlfriend was determined this was a good joke, I thought it was trash. You decide.

I recently learned how to store jam properly.

I must say, it was a rather jarring event.

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