What type of tomato smells best?

A Roma

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way. Although we cannoli do so much, he will forever be a pizza history. His wife? Cheese still not over it. Just goes to show here today, gone tomato. Lets send olive our prayers to the family.

Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato is walking down the road.

Baby tomato starts to lag behind. Papa tomato becomes angry, goes upto Baby tomato, squeeze it and says, "Catch Up"

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What did the potato say to the tomato?

Hey sweetie, why are you blushing?

What did the fast tomato say to the slow tomato?

Ketchup!


.. im so sorry

I hit a tomato and ran.

The tomato started running after me but it couldn't ketchup.

Crushed a tomato in between my legs

I made pico de thigh-o

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Italian gentleman wanted to plant his annual tomato garden. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son:

"Dear Vincent, I am pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife asked me to put tomato ketchup on the shopping list that I was writing out.



I can't read a fucking word now.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a bowl of tomato soup

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of soup is still full. He asks, "Are you going to have that soup?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl over and he...

Knowledge is knowing than a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing you shouldn’t put it a fruit salad.....

humor is doing it anyway.

How do you fix a broken tomato?

Tomato paste

A very curious customer asked a local tomato farmer if their tomatoes are genetically modified.

"No." Said the farmer "No." Said the tomato

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Mama Tomato say to the Baby Tomato when it fell behind?

Nothing. They're fucking tomatoes.

Why did the people in the race wait for the tomato? (first joke I ever made as a kid)

So it could catch up.

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"TOMATO, POTATO, LETTUCES, GET YOUR VEGETABLES HERE!"

Shouted the man in the street, standing in front of boxes filled with vegetables trying to get people to buy them.
A woman then walks up to him and asks "Can I have 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes, and 4 onions please ?"
the man says to her: "well I am very sorry but we don't have any onions left, we h...

Tomato

Not sure if this translates well from my Albanian origins

So their was a farmer woman and she is tending her crops and notices her tomatoes are brown and rotten. She looks over to her neighbors and they were bright red and juicy.

So one day she sees her neighbor and asks him.

“H...

Why did the green tomato lose the race

It couldn't ketchup

A race between tomato, lettuce, and tap faucet

Tomato, lettuce, and tap faucet were having a race. The lettuce was a head, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

A tomato walks up to a bunch of fruits in a line

He says "Hey guys I'm a fruit, can I hang out with you?"

One turns to him and says

"No, this is the punch line"

What do you call an Italian neighborhood full of crime, tomato sauce, prostitution and meatballs?

The spaghetto

Create new password: Tomato

Confirm new password: Tomato

Error: Passwords don’t match

A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango

They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We all accept that tomato is a fruit

So why the fuck isn't it in fruit salads?

I always thought LGBT means Lettuce Ginger Bacon and Tomato...

Until my smart friend told me that G stands for Guacamole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lettuce Tomato

A teenage couple was at the boys house and wanted to have relations. The only problem was, they were sleeping on the top of a bunk bed with the boys little brother asleep on the bottom bunk. They came up with a plan, they would say "tomato" for harder and "lettuce" for softer while having sex.
...

Why did the tomato blush? (I need other food grocery themed jokes too please!)

Because he saw the salad dressing! I am a cashier at a grocery store and need new food themed jokes! Please and thank you so much!!! I love you reddit fam happy new year!

A Daddy tomato and a Baby tomato were walking down the street...

...when all of a sudden, Baby tomato started to fall behind, so Daddy tomato turned to Baby tomato and said "Ketchup!"

(I'm really sorry)

I got really badly sunburned yesterday, and was in agony this morning. My mother advised using tomato juice to ease the pain. I was very skeptical at first but she was right...

... I'm now on my seventh bloody mary and I can barely feel a thing.

A tomato agreed to a date with a mushroom after much persuasion.

Halfway through, the mushroom was pretty miserable and she finally said “I didn’t know we were so different and you were so boring else I would have never asked you out.”

To which the tomato replied, “Well, I never said I was a fungi.”

So there’s 3 tomato’s ..

... Papa Tomato, Momma Tomato and Baby Tomato walking along the street. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato starts getting really angry. So, he turns around and squishes Baby Tomato and says, 'Ketchup.'

What did the tomato say to its valentine?

I love you from my head tomato.

Should I be concerned that this tomato was genetically modified?

Tomato: No

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?"
Obviously I had to reply with "Garnish".

[True story. My dad is not an idiot either, totally normal human.]

You say tomato, I say tomato

But it doesn't make that much sense when you read it.

My neighbor grows the largest tomatos in town

I ask him how he does it and he told me that every morning he walk around naked and it makes the tomatos blush. he said i should try it.
when the harvest came he asked me how it went and I told him “It didn't help the tomatos, but I have the largest cucumbers in town”

The Retired Husband

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following...

Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing.

Why did the Redditor turn red?
He was angry about the repost he expected to find when he clicked on this thread

My grandmother died and left me a tomato.

I shouldn't have asked for any heirlooms.

What did the slice of bacon say to the tomato?

Lettuce be together now!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a Spanish restaurant

An American man walks into a Spanish restaurant and sits down. As he is sat there he sees lots of bull heads on the walls and costumes of matadors in the restaurant.

The waiter walks past and the American asks him “why do you have all these pictures and bulls heads up?”

The Spanish wa...

What did the fruit say to the tomato?

Quit talking to yourself.

A young boy wants to buy a tomato...

He approaches the farmer with his few pennies and asks how much that nice, red, juicy tomato would cost. The farmer replies, "35 cents."

Appearing dismayed, the child wanders down the rows of vines and finds a small, green, unappetizing tomato.

"How much for this little one, here?" h...

Lettuce, tomato, onion, green peppers...

Wrong sub.

The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation

"Lettuce pray"

What happens when you run away from tomatos?

They ketchup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Long joke that is passed down in my family

So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the ...

You know how it goes, I say tomato

You say what are you doing in my house?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cheese cheese, tomato tomato

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The young...

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