What’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

I asked Alexa, what’s the difference between light and dark soy sauce?

Dark soy sauce is used in Chinese cooking to add colour and flavour to dishes. Light is an electromagnetic radiation within a certain portion of the electro magnetic spectrum.

Thanks Alexa - you’re not technically w...

Why is soy sauce forbidden in fights?

‘Cause you should never Kikkoman when he’s down.

What do you call taco sauce protectors?

Mild Protective Services

What sauce do hobbits put on everything?

Worst-in-the-shire sauce

Where do spaghetti and sauce go to dance?

The meatball

I once read a cook book about fancy soup and sauce thickeners...

...but it all turned out to be elaborate roux's.

McCheese with Royale sauce

"And ummmm, some curly fries with that."

"Sir this is McDonald's, our fries are all straight."

"Oh. Well then just a ummmmmm quesadilla then."

"Sir, this is still McDonald's. We don't serve quesadillas."

"Ahhhhh, ummmm, can I get a McCheese with Royale sauce?"

"....

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

How do dogs make a sauce?

They start with a rooooux!

What do you call an Italian neighborhood full of crime, tomato sauce, prostitution and meatballs?

The spaghetto

What is a redneck plumber's favorite dipping sauce?

...wranch

Why did the cranberry sauce cross the road?

To get to the other sides.

What do you call a pasta sauce made out of sea breezes?

A ‘marine’-‘air’a

If I have to hear any more jokes about soy sauce

I will Kikkoman!

Sorry, maybe I'll Shoyu a better joke Tamari.

I found out my husband got fired from his job today. In order to cheer him up I got him his favorite soy sauce.

He said to me

"Oh I see. Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's sauce for the goose......

A family was at the dinner table when the son asked his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answered, “Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs. In her 20s, a woman’s are like melons: round and firm. In her 30s, 40s, and 50s, they are like pears: still ni...

What’s Madonna’s favorite sauce?

Hollandaise. Celebrate.

What is the bolt's favorite sauce?

Wrench dressing

What's a skeletons favourite sauce?

Grave-y

What do you call a bad dream about sauce?

A nightmarinara.

What's the statisticians favorite sauce?

Tztatisiki

What do you call a noble hot sauce?

Sir Racha.

A man walks into a diner, and orders eggs Benedict with hollandaise sauce, served on a hubcap.

The waiter, perplexed, asks him why. He responds:

“There’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise...”

Literary historians recently found a Briton recipe for a citrus-based sauce translated by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It was called the 'Lime of the Ancient Marinade'

I don't understand people who don't like kids.

Seriously, you probably didn't use the right kind of sauce

What kind of pasta sauce does Trump LOVE!!!

Putin-esca

I made this up myself just now.

Why is it easy to tell when you use the wrong sauce?

Heinz sight is 20 20

I don’t know how to say this, but

can you pass the Worcestershire sauce?

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.

Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

My wife asked why the spaghetti sauce tasted odd

I told her I didn't have the thyme to make it right.

Jose looked at a bottle of soy sauce

He said, "Yes you are"

How does pizza sauce introduce itself at a fiesta?

Yo no soy marinara

I bought a spray used for destroying a particular pasta sauce.

It's a pestocide.

What did the Chinese restaurant do when they ran out of soy sauce?

They cooked like there was no tamari.

My wife gave me some bad news today

"But," she said, "I bought your favorite soy sauce to help cheer you up."

"Great," I said. "Just Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"

I'm very soy for that pun. I'll just wok away now.

Why did the Mexican put hot sauce on his taco?

Por flavor

what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce?

one guacamole

I recently found an ice cream man dead, covered in sprinkles, chocolate chips and strawberry sauce.

He topped himself.

What do you call a Big Mac without the special sauce?

Edible.

Say, have you heard the joke about the pizza without the sauce?

Well, it goes like- Nevermind, it's too cheesy.

Best way to answer a call: Mario's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic: Your Loss is Our Sauce

self.Jokes

If you mix taco bell sauce into your ramen..

It tastes exactly like poverty.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two men with Alzheimer's at the beach

​

They're peckish and want some food.

The first man, Bob, says “Carl, do you want to buy us a couple of ice creams?”

Carl: Sure what do you want?

Bob: vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce

Carl: Ok, I’ll be back now.

Carl walks ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

LPT: if you are lost in japan, ask for soy sauce

...it will shoyu the way

A penguin grows tired of winters in Alaska, so

... he buys a used Corvette and heads southbound for California for warmer climates.

After driving about 800 miles, he hears a bad noise coming from the engine. He sees an auto repair shop in a small town and decides to pull in. The penguin explains the problem to the mechanic and he is told...

Heinz have altered one of their spicier sauces.

It's a remustard version.

What's Big Shaq's favorite type of software?

Open-sauce.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mr Hetfield's dinner

So James Hetfield from Metallica walks into an Italian restaurant carrying Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, Animal, and Rowlf the dog under his arms. He strolls straight past the waiter, into the kitchen, and starts hacking them all to pieces with a large carving knife. He throws th...

My wife's a terrible cook, she can never get her sauces right!

But I've stuck with her, through thick and thin.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why was the fish drunk?

Too much cocktail sauce.

What do you call a funny jar of sauce

Lmayo

Whenever you're serving a dish with a hollandaise sauce, make sure to use a chrome plate.

Because there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.

One of my chefs at my culinary school told the class this one and we got out early because we couldn't stand to be in the room with him any more.

What do you get when you liquefy a mongol?

Tatar sauce

Why did the chip chase the sauce?

To ketchup

What was Hitler's least favorite sauce?

Jus

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They both look really depressed.

The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed."

"What a conicidence" he said. "My wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed too."

They start talking and after a few more drinks they decide to go to the woma...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hot sauce is like sex...

I dont often have have it, but when I do the next day I shit blood.

"Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father."

"Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"

Three restaurant owners were arguing about their food

The first one said, "My spicy sauce is super hot! I put a bottle of pepper spray in every batch, and after just one spoon, people can't take anymore and shout for water."

The second one replied, "My spicy sauce is even hotter! I put three bottles of pepper spray in every batch, and the smell ...

What did the perverted sauce say to the Chinese Ribs?

.. I'm only Peking.

Politics is like Italian food.

You get the same pasta, but with a different sauce.

So I went to Subway the other day

I ordered the usual, roast beef with cucumbers, lettuce and Chipotle sauce.

When I got the sandwich, it was mouldy and looked like it had been used many times before, so I handed back to the employee who had made it.

He looked at it for a while before saying "oh yeah, this sub has a lo...

Crisis averted?

Over the weekend I was sat next to a person eating a bowlful of those really fat pasta tubes in a tomato sauce. As I watched, one got nearer to the edge of the bowl but I couldn't mention it because the person was deep in conversation. I agonised for a few seconds wondering how I could stop a me...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The story of a man and his pregnant wife

My wife is prego, but we like to get kinky anyway. One night things begin to get particularly saucy - I'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights. It's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period, I look up at her glassy, jarred facial expres...

Im surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount; a large gap in numbers had never bothered him before.

Get it?



Edit: I'm not removing the "Get it?" Part.

Thicc Sauce is Andre Segers

Another Edit: thanks for making "Get It" a meme <3

Memory Problems

An old husband and his wife were sitting in a doctor’s office to get help for their failing memory. “Maybe you should each do something special for for the other and then talk about it. That way, it will help cement it better in your minds.” The old couple thanked the doctor and went home.

Wh...

How does Sean Connery ask for Worchestershire sauce? (x-post from askreddit)

Worsheshershershosh.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What happens if you have sex with a Mcdonalds employee and you make her squirt?

She charges you 25 cents for extra sauce.

Paddy was sitting in his local pub when a fine looking Italian woman walks in.

He offered her a drink and over the course of the night he charmed her with funny Irish stories and songs. She’d never had a night like it before and decided to invite him back to her room.

They had a passionate affair all that summer.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

PIZZA GUY: You’re total is $26.34

GIRL: I can’t afford that

PIZZA GUY: Well you’ll have to pay some other way

GIRL : [takes out wallet] Wait I forgot I had 30 dollars

PORN DIRECTOR: Cut

Sauce : Twitter

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Mysterious Bottle of Ketchup

A man wants to throw a party, so he heads into a grocery store looking for supplies. He grabs a shopping cart and combs through the aisles, grabbing everything he could possibly need for the party.

He's about to head out and he does a final mental check of the things he needs. He realises he...

A common chefs error

Is to think they must always add salt to a sauce before boiling it down. This is the fallacy of reductive seasoning.

I have a form of dyslexia for words

At the end of a sentence I sometimes say the wrong sauce

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was Christmas time in the concentration camp..

And the Nazis figured that they would have a bit of fun with the “inmates”.

So they roasted up a huge duck, filled with veggies, plums, sauce and glazed with butter.


They walk in to the yard and place the duck, as the Jews gathered around to see what was going on.

They tol...

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...