Preparation

He laid her on the table,
So white, clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat,
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast,
And then, drooling, felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide...he ...

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What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark."

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading...

A defense Lawyer was cross-examining a police officer

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who pr...

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After weeks of preparation, I was ready to begin my trip across the world to Sydney.

I prepared my luggage, boarded the plane, and after 17 hours I was in Australia. I rented a car, drove a while, and at long last I saw a sign that said "SYDNEY LEFT". "Well shit," I said, so I packed up my stuff and went back home.

Preparations for parenthood.

Not sure you are prepared to be a parent, here are some tips to get you started.

Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a bathrobe and stick a giant beanbag chair down the front and leave it for 9 months. After the 9 months, empty out approximately 10-20% of the beans.
<...

Preparations for parenthood - dressing and feeding.

New parents: feeding and dressing your toddler is not as easy a skill as it looks. It takes a lot of practice, so here are a couple tips to get you started.

To practice dressing a small child, first you need to get a string bag (like the kind you carry soccer balls). Then go to ...

During a marriage preparation class, the teacher asked how many kissable areas there are on a woman's body

One guy said, "18."

A French guy in the back yelled, "119!"

Another guy said, "12."

The French guy piped up again, "119!"

A sweet girl in the front said, "I know only one...the lips!"

The French guy shouted, "120!"

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

Name’s Juan

Names Juan. A few years ago I’d been living with my girlfriend in her apartment. I’ve been into video games since I was a kid and never took a real interest in learning practical things like how to hit a nail with a hammer. Girlfriend and I met in college and since graduating and moving in together ...

Work has already begun in preparation for the 2028 Olympic Games in Los Angeles

Mostly by ISIS

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Have you heard about the man who dreamt he was packing his parachute in preparation for a jump?

His wife had to be rushed to the hospital with half of the bedsheets stuffed up her ass.

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

My friend and I recently watched the Star Wars films back to back in preparation for The Last Jedi...

unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the screen.

Creds: The one liner king Milton Jones

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