What's an avocado's favorite music?

Guac N' Roll

What does a duck thats made of avocado say?

Guac

My grandpa just walked into the room with a guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.

I said, “Who is this guy?”

Grandpa: My hip replacement.

A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six.”

A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk.

“Why did you buy six cartons of milk?” the wife asks.

He replies, “They had avocados.”

What do you call young avocados?

Avokiddos.

An avocado farmer has all of his crop stolen and calls the police...

Farmer: Someone stole all of my avocados!

Cop: How many avocados?

Farmer: All of them!

Cop: I need an exact number for the report.

Farmer: How am I supposed to know how many avocados there are?

Cop (annoyed): Just tell me the number of avocados.

Farmer: 6.02...

I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?

Gu-whack-a-mole-e.

What did the Avocado said before the rabbit disappeared?

Avocadobra!

What did the dad who had too many avocados say to people as he handed them out for free?

"Havocado!"

A man has gone on a month-long vacation, leaving his friend to take care of his grandmother, his cat, and the avocado tree in his backyard.

A few days into the vacation, the man gets a call from his friend, who says, "Your cat got run over by a car and died." The man, understandably, is horrified and says that it was too sudden. He tells his friend that what he should do is first, tell him that his cat ran away, then the next day, tell ...

Bananas and avocados grow old together. I ship them.

Explanation: Many companies ship pre-ripe avocados with bananas, which release chemicals that ripen avocados on their way to the store. (This is so the avocados are freshly ripe when they get to the store, not when picked) (grow old = ripen)

What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?

A Guackie-talkie

Two avocados at a bar

"Can I have your number?"



"6.022140857(74)×10\^23"

Another wooden ball?

Would it kill the makers of avocados to include a different toy, like a mood ring or a novelty eraser?

What do you get when you mix MDMA with an avocado?

Guacamolly

What do you get if you cut an avocado into 6.02 * 10^23 pieces?

Guacamole.

Why shouldn't you put avocados in your eyes?

You could get guacoma.

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at Guac-a-mole.

What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?

Guaca-mole

I developed a game where you feed avocados to small subterranean mammals!

It's called Guacamole!

what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce?

one guacamole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bezos: "Alexa, buy avocados from Whole Foods"

Alexa: "Ok, buying Whole Foods"

Bezos: "Shit"

What is an avocado's favorite game to play?

Guack-a-mole!

I'm about to be a dad so this seemed fitting for my first post :)

People always laugh at my car because it looks like a fruit...

But at least I avocado!

Fed up with with the prices at the grocery store, a housewife finds the nearest employee and screams " YOU CAN TAKE THIS $12 PINEAPPLE, AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!"

The grocery clerk said "I'm sorry Ma'am but I can't. I already have an $18 chicken, a $6 gallon of milk, and 3 avocados up there"

What do you get when you combine Avogadro's number of avocados?

GuacaMole!

How do you make an avocado tactical?

You turn it into GuacaMOLLE

Trump shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make?

Guac!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a ripe and a rotten avocado?

About fifteen minutes.

^Motherfuckers...

What do you call it when you punch someone with an avocado?

Guacamelee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Elephants....

Paint their testicles green?


So they can hide in avocado trees!

Picking up women in bars is like picking up Avocadoes in a supermarket...

You have no idea how damaged they are until you get them home.

Avocado or Donald Trump?

Avocado or Donald Trump for president?
Well, one is a wrinkly old bag filled with green mush
The other one is an avocado.

what does the one-upping hipster say?

hold my avocado

I was going to drive to the shop to pick up some guacamole...

....but I don't avocado.

I was standing by a fruit and vegetable stand when a Scouser walked up to me.

She said, "Do you like avocado?"

I said, "No, sorry honey. I don't drive."

--------------------------------------------------


**reference: A Scouser is someone from Liverpool, England.

An old man was staying in a hotel and went for breakfast at the restaurant.

The waiter asked him what he’d like for breakfast and the old man replies:

“I want porridge but it must be lumpy and under cooked, then I want some bacon , eggs and toast but the bacon must be burnt to a crisp, the eggs must be runny and snotty and the toast I want 1 slice very soggy and the ...

My chemistry class had a party

My teacher brought some avocados, about 6.022x10^23 of them, for the guaca-mole.

I would have driven my date to the Mexican cantina....

But I didn't avocado

Horse named Few

A man goes to buy a horse one day and comes across the most astounding looking horse he has ever seen. He asked the owner if he could purchase the horse from him. The owner agrees for hefty sum of money. But tells the man that there are a few things he should know about the horse. First that the ho...

Accidentally got some guacamole in my eyes...

... and now I think I have guacoma.

Happy Avocado Day!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the elephant paint his balls green?

Answer: to hide in avocado trees..

How did Tarzan die?
Answer: Picking avocados

What is the Jolly Green Giant most afraid of?

Avocado pickers

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