My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.

I said, “Who is this guy?”

Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.

What do you call young avocados?

Avokiddos.

What does a duck thats made of avocado say?

Guac

A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six.”

A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk.

“Why did you buy six cartons of milk?” the wife asks.

He replies, “They had avocados.”

Trump shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?

Gu-whack-a-mole-e.

What did the Avocado said before the rabbit disappeared?

Avocadobra!

I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

A man has gone on a month-long vacation, leaving his friend to take care of his grandmother, his cat, and the avocado tree in his backyard.

A few days into the vacation, the man gets a call from his friend, who says, "Your cat got run over by a car and died." The man, understandably, is horrified and says that it was too sudden. He tells his friend that what he should do is first, tell him that his cat ran away, then the next day, tell ...

Avocado: Hello, I'm good fat

Bacon: \*lights cigarette\* \*punches avocado\*

What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?

A Guackie-talkie

Two avocados at a bar

"Can I have your number?"



"6.022140857(74)×10\^23"

What did the dad who had too many avocados say to people as he handed them out for free?

"Havocado!"

Why shouldn't you put avocados in your eyes?

You could get guacoma.

What's an avocado's favorite music?

Guac N' Roll

What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?

Guaca-mole

What do you get when you mix MDMA with an avocado?

Guacamolly

I developed a game where you feed avocados to small subterranean mammals!

It's called Guacamole!

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at Guac-a-mole.

What do you get when you combine Avogadro's number of avocados?

GuacaMole!

What do you get if you cut an avocado into 6.02 * 10^23 pieces?

Guacamole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bezos: "Alexa, buy avocados from Whole Foods"

Alexa: "Ok, buying Whole Foods"

Bezos: "Shit"

what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce?

one guacamole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a ripe and a rotten avocado?

About fifteen minutes.

^Motherfuckers...

What is an avocado's favorite game to play?

Guack-a-mole!

I'm about to be a dad so this seemed fitting for my first post :)

How do you make an avocado tactical?

You turn it into GuacaMOLLE

When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make?

Guac!

What do you call it when you punch someone with an avocado?

Guacamelee

Avocado or Donald Trump?

Avocado or Donald Trump for president?
Well, one is a wrinkly old bag filled with green mush
The other one is an avocado.

Fed up with with the prices at the grocery store, a housewife finds the nearest employee and screams " YOU CAN TAKE THIS $12 PINEAPPLE, AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!"

The grocery clerk said "I'm sorry Ma'am but I can't. I already have an $18 chicken, a $6 gallon of milk, and 3 avocados up there"

People always laugh at my car because it looks like a fruit...

But at least I avocado!

An old man was staying in a hotel and went for breakfast at the restaurant.

The waiter asked him what he’d like for breakfast and the old man replies:

“I want porridge but it must be lumpy and under cooked, then I want some bacon , eggs and toast but the bacon must be burnt to a crisp, the eggs must be runny and snotty and the toast I want 1 slice very soggy and the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Elephants....

Paint their testicles green?


So they can hide in avocado trees!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the elephant paint his balls green?

Answer: to hide in avocado trees..

How did Tarzan die?
Answer: Picking avocados

I was standing by a fruit and vegetable stand when a Scouser walked up to me.

She said, "Do you like avocado?"

I said, "No, sorry honey. I don't drive."

--------------------------------------------------


**reference: A Scouser is someone from Liverpool, England.

My chemistry class had a party

My teacher brought some avocados, about 6.022x10^23 of them, for the guaca-mole.

I would have driven my date to the Mexican cantina....

But I didn't avocado

I was going to drive to the shop to pick up some guacamole...

....but I don't avocado.

Here's a funny joke based on the word avocate in french.

The word avocate in french means two things, avocado, and lawyer. Why? Because both of them are expensive and slimy on the inside. Sorry if anyones a lawyer... or an avocado.

Accidentally got some guacamole in my eyes...

... and now I think I have guacoma.

Happy Avocado Day!

How do you measure the molar mass of guacamole?

With Avocado's Constant.

What is the Jolly Green Giant most afraid of?

Avocado pickers

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