What's an avocado's favorite music?

Guac N' Roll

What does a duck thats made of avocado say?

Guac

What's the difference between a baby boomer and an avocado

One is a soft, wrinkly vegetable

The other one is an avocado

What do you call an expired avocado?

Guaca-moldy

(Courtesy of my 12-year-old that hears Dad jokes all the time)

What do you call young avocados?

Avokiddos.

My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.

I said, “Who is this guy?”

Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.

How do you get a bunch of avocados into an Aerosmith concert?

You tell them to GUAC This Way!

What do you call an avocado thats been blessed by Pope Francis?

Holy Guacamole.

What type of music do avocados listen to?

Guac & Roll

There are 6.02x10^23 guacas in a guacamole,

Which is also known as avocado’s number

I ordered some Avocado Toast at a cafe, but imagine my surprise when I was given 602214076000000000000000 pieces of toasts. It was then I realized...

...I'd accidentally ordered Avogadro's Toast.

What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment?

An Incommunicado

A joke I made up last night. Quarantine's really getting to me

What's an avocado's favorite arcade game?

Guac-a-mole

Avocado: Hello, I'm good fat

Bacon: \*lights cigarette\* \*punches avocado\*

What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?

A Guackie-talkie

Why shouldn't you put avocados in your eyes?

You could get guacoma.

A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six.”

A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk.

“Why did you buy six cartons of milk?” the wife asks.

He replies, “They had avocados.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the avocado say to the orange after the orange told him to citrus ass down?

You aren't my mom, you don't know me until you guacamile in my shoes!

An avocado farmer has all of his crop stolen and calls the police...

Farmer: Someone stole all of my avocados!

Cop: How many avocados?

Farmer: All of them!

Cop: I need an exact number for the report.

Farmer: How am I supposed to know how many avocados there are?

Cop (annoyed): Just tell me the number of avocados.

Farmer: 6.02...

I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?

Gu-whack-a-mole-e.

Avocado makers need to up their game

The only free gift I get is a wooden ball

What did the dad who had too many avocados say to people as he handed them out for free?

"Havocado!"

A man has gone on a month-long vacation, leaving his friend to take care of his grandmother, his cat, and the avocado tree in his backyard.

A few days into the vacation, the man gets a call from his friend, who says, "Your cat got run over by a car and died." The man, understandably, is horrified and says that it was too sudden. He tells his friend that what he should do is first, tell him that his cat ran away, then the next day, tell ...

What did the Avocado said before the rabbit disappeared?

Avocadobra!

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at Guac-a-mole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bezos: "Alexa, buy avocados from Whole Foods"

Alexa: "Ok, buying Whole Foods"

Bezos: "Shit"

I developed a game where you feed avocados to small subterranean mammals!

It's called Guacamole!

What do you get if you cut an avocado into 6.02 * 10^23 pieces?

Guacamole.

What is an avocado's favorite game to play?

Guack-a-mole!

I'm about to be a dad so this seemed fitting for my first post :)

What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?

Guaca-mole

How do you make an avocado tactical?

You turn it into GuacaMOLLE

ANOTHER WOODEN BALL..!!!!!

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?...

What do you call it when you punch someone with an avocado?

Guacamelee

A guy walks into the doctor's office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, an asparagus stalk in the other ear, and an avocado under his armpit. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."

People always laugh at my car because it looks like a fruit...

But at least I avocado!

what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce?

one guacamole

When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make?

Guac!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Elephants....

Paint their testicles green?


So they can hide in avocado trees!

Two avocados at a bar

"Can I have your number?"



"6.022140857(74)×10\^23"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a ripe and a rotten avocado?

About fifteen minutes.

^Motherfuckers...

A man and woman are having lunch....

The woman goes, "hey could you please go to the store to get 1 litre of milk? And if they have avocado's, bring 6.

*10 mins later*

Man comes back with 6 cartons of milk," hey honey, they had avocados".

Picking up women in bars is like picking up Avocadoes in a supermarket...

You have no idea how damaged they are until you get them home.

Fed up with with the prices at the grocery store, a housewife finds the nearest employee and screams " YOU CAN TAKE THIS $12 PINEAPPLE, AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!"

The grocery clerk said "I'm sorry Ma'am but I can't. I already have an $18 chicken, a $6 gallon of milk, and 3 avocados up there"

I was going to drive to the shop to pick up some guacamole...

....but I don't avocado.

Trump shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

I was standing by a fruit and vegetable stand when a Scouser walked up to me.

She said, "Do you like avocado?"

I said, "No, sorry honey. I don't drive."

--------------------------------------------------


**reference: A Scouser is someone from Liverpool, England.

My chemistry class had a party

My teacher brought some avocados, about 6.022x10^23 of them, for the guaca-mole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the elephant paint his balls green?

Answer: to hide in avocado trees..

How did Tarzan die?
Answer: Picking avocados

Avocado or Donald Trump?

Avocado or Donald Trump for president?
Well, one is a wrinkly old bag filled with green mush
The other one is an avocado.

Accidentally got some guacamole in my eyes...

... and now I think I have guacoma.

Happy Avocado Day!

I would have driven my date to the Mexican cantina....

But I didn't avocado

What is the Jolly Green Giant most afraid of?

Avocado pickers

An old man was staying in a hotel and went for breakfast at the restaurant.

The waiter asked him what he’d like for breakfast and the old man replies:

“I want porridge but it must be lumpy and under cooked, then I want some bacon , eggs and toast but the bacon must be burnt to a crisp, the eggs must be runny and snotty and the toast I want 1 slice very soggy and the ...

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