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The Mango Slicer

Pedro worked in a fine Goan pickle factory.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the mango slicer.

Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahe...

In Jamaica, how do you know if a mango is ripe?

Pokémon Go!

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Indian Jews

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in an Indian restaurant in New York. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India?'

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'...

If he isn't treating you right let that mango

If he cheats on you honeydew yourself a favour and knock him out

A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango

They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"

Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes…

You need to let that mango.

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[Long] [NSFW] One warm autumn day,

A man walks into the patent office and slams a stack of papers down triumphantly. "I've bred apples that taste like different fruits, and furthermore, each half of an apple tastes different!"

The patent clerk looks up in boredom, "Sure, sure... But I need to verify the truthfulness of this cl...

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Some nsfw funnies I remembered


There was a dad whose response was very odd to stuff asked by his son.

S: Can I ride my bike to school?

D: Does your dick touch your asshole?

S: No

D: Well there's your answer

So on and so forth, "Can I date girls?", "Can I smoke?", "Can I skip school tod...

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.

He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.

The bartender asks “Why is he called Tiny?”

And the man replies “Because he’s my newt!”

I found a recipe for a fruit curry that I wanted to try out.

I made a list of all the ingredients that I needed and headed to the shop. I picked up some rice, some mango chutney, some curry powder and some raisins.

Upon returning I checked my list again to make sure that I had gotten everything that I needed. To my dismay, the recipe had called for sul...

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Trump has become the ruler of the whole world, and it's his birthday.

He demands that the ambassador of every country bring him something famous from their homeland to please him on such a glorious day.

First comes the ambassador of Germany. Along with him, he's brought the keys to a new concept car built by both BMW and Mercedes. It's the only one in productio...

Usain bolt must be a fruit

Have you seen that mango

(hopefully OC)

What do you call a Scottish girl with a fake tan in an Indian restaurant?

A mango lassie

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John, Jack and Jeff visit the queen with gifts...

... John has got an orange. The queen gets mad. Tells the guards to shove the orange up John’s arse.

Next, Jack comes up to the queen with a banana. Queen gets furious. Shoves the banana up his arse.

Then Jeff comes with a mango. Queen is mad again. Up goes the mango in Jeff’s arse....

Bapu Joke - Bapu climbs a tree

( Bapu is a traditional character from India. There are many jokes on him, somewhat like blonde jokes. He is simple but a bit of a smartass )

Bapu is climbing a tree when his buddy calls from below.

" Bapu why are you climbing this tree".

- I want to eat almonds.

"But thi...

Why is a fruit tree like a laxative?

They both make a mango!

To Be Fair

I finally got my first real job last month working for the Arizona tea company. I thought I was a perfect fit; although I was a lawyer working for a drinks company, they had an extensive legal department to handle any potential controversies with any of their sold items.

My first case involve...

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Super intelligent monkey [NSFW]

A man walked up to a zoo where a small cage was isolated and "Intelligent Monkey" was written over the board.

Man asked the guide why?

Guide: Give him something to eat.

Man gave him a peanut, monkey took the peanut, shove it in its ass and then ate it.


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My uncle once told me to go to the basement and get Naked,

I asked him whether he wanted Mighty Mango or Berry Blast.

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A doctor, an engineer and a lawyer

A doctor, an engineer and a lawyer where in a forest, when out of a sudden, a bunch of armed savage men surround them and say these 3 guys trespassed their territory, and they should die.

But one savage came up with an idea ; The three men where sent under guard to the forest and told to take...

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A man walks into a grocery store

He asks the employee "Do you have any mango yogurt?" The employee promptly replies "No, we don't." and the man walks out.
Next day, the man walks into the store again and asks the employee "Do you have any mango yogurt?" The employee says "I'm sorry, we don't have any. I don't think we ever will....

My wife is on a tropical food diet and the house if full of the stuff...

It's enough to make a mango crazy.

What is a recently divorced woman's favorite fruit?


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The cautious monkey.

Well, this guy gone to the zoo and he see some monkey in a cage, and a sign that say "don't feed the monkey". Butt he so want to feed the monkey. Sohe throw in a peanut. The monkey pick up the peanut and stick it in it's butt and pull it out and eat it.....The guy can't believe what he see. He throw...

Fruits Joke

Apple: I look like a Human Heart ---
Mango: I look like a Stomach ---
Grapes: I look like Eyes ---
Banana: I Hate This Game

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Meanwhile, in a different part of the Jingle....

...a lizard is walking along when he smells marijuana smoke. Having a good sense of smell, and not a stranger to the occasional toke, he follows it to the source and comes to the base of a truly mighty tree. High up in the branches is a monkey smoking a joint.

"Hey monkey" he yells.


What do you get when you cross an Indian smoothie with a rescue dog?

Mango Lassie

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Your Favorite Fruit

There were three young men who were travelling across the country in their car. One was white, one was Mexican and one was black. When they were in the deep south, their car broke down, and it was already dark. They walked along the road for miles when they came upon a farm. They knocked on the door...