A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant busi...

Im just so overwhelmed with the difficulty of writing my own book

There are no words

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Winter is here and our native birds are having difficulty finding food. Please go to the pet shop and buy a bag of nuts for them.

There is no finer sight on a winter’s morning than a pair of tits round your nut sack; however it’s a bit early to expect a swallow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me that I have extreme difficulty in vocalizing my emotions.

Can’t say that I’m surprised.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist tells me that I have difficulty identifying my emotions.

Not quite sure how to feel about that.

People in Athens always have difficulty waking up

Dawn is tough on Greece.

(coworkers joke heard today)

So a boy was born, and he was just a head. But his parents took this difficulty in their stride and raised him as well as they could. On the boy's 18th birthday, his father takes him down the pub for his first pint.

He takes the first sip, and out pops his body. Surprised, he takes a second sip, and out pop his arms. The whole pub is cheering him on now. His father has tears of joy streaming down his face. So the boy takes his final sip, and out pop his legs. The boy is so happy that he immediately jumps up ...

If you have difficulty controlling your temper, it's a bad idea to take a chihuahua for a walk.

Because you're going to need to use a little restraint.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul and Barry...

Paul and Barry were out walking past a lake.

They saw a pregnant woman swimming suddenly get into difficulty and started to drown, quickly they pulled her to safety.

She wasn't breathing so Barry starts giving her a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Paul quickly opens her legs and puts h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man uses up all his savings to open up a bar.

But there are many bars in the city and he has trouble attracting customers. So he stays up during the nights, trying new recipes for cocktails. But nothing seems to work. He is dejected and contemplates closing down the bar and cutting his losses. One evening, he is rummaging though his garage and ...

I'm having a lot of difficulty with knitting

Oops, wrong thread.

What do you call a Chinese guy who has difficulty standing?

Li-Ning

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray. ''Listen God,'' John said. ''I know I haven't been perfect but I really need to win the lottery.

I don't have a lot of money. Please help me out.'' He left the church, a week went by, and he hadn't won the lottery, so he walked into a synagogue. ''Come on, God,'' he said. ''I really need this money. My mom needs surgery and I have bills to pay. Please let me win the lottery.'' He left the synag...

An elderly man is having difficulty keeping up with his wife any more

so he goes to see the doctor and is gone for most of the day.

When he gets home, he arrives in a chauffered Cadillac, and is resplendently turned out in pinstripe trousers, waistcoat, frock coat, top hat and spats. He has a gold pocket watch in the waistcoat, a gigantic cigar, and an ebony ...

TV crew decides to visit a hundred years old man living alone in a cabin in the woods

When they go there they see he is chopping wood and carrying it all by himself. He is active and healthy and has a body of a forty year old man.

They ask him "What is your secret?" and the old man tells them a story:

"Seventy years ago, there was a huge blizzard that came out of nowher...

In Flint, Michigan, students have no difficulty learning A — G and P — Z.

The problem’s H to O.

An elderly man went in to see his doctor

Man: “I no longer seem to be able to maintain an erection, and it’s beginning to cause a strain on my marriage!”
Dr: “I see... and when did you first notice that you were having difficulty?”
Man: “twice last night and once this morning”

Two triangles are having difficulty buying an apartment.

It turns out they needed to cosine.

Temple of Eternal Light

Three couples are meeting with the Grand Guru of the Temple of Eternal Light, hoping to increase their sense of meaning and connectedness with the world. After listening to his sermon in rapture they ask how to join the Temple of Eternal Light.

"You must first demonstrate your commitment to t...

What’s the difficulty when your ex calls to tell you she got tested positive for HIV?

To seem to be surprised

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've recently found this incredibly difficult mobile game, that involves matching things. I wish I could turn down the difficulty setting.

Whatever this "Tinder" thing is, it's kicking my ass.

A man walks up to a woman in a bar and puts down a lime next to her.

Woman: What’s this?

Man: It’s a lime.

Woman: Would you mind moving it somewhere else?

The man says, “No problem.” But then seems to have real difficulty in lifting it from the table.

Woman: Is everything ok?

Man: It seems like I’m terrible at pick up limes.

What has two fat thumbs and difficulty typing?

Rgua fyt!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

FYI: I'm holding a seminar for people who have difficulty achieving an orgasm.

Let me know if you can't come.

Don't flatter yourself by thinking I'm trying to get into your pants.

When It's quite obvious you appear to have difficulty getting into them yourself.

Why do people with no arms have difficulty remembering?

Because they can't put their finger on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk man walks up to the bartender

A drunk man walks up to the bartender and asks for a drink.

The bartender tells him, “No way man. You’re already hammered and your tab comes out at over $200.”

The man responds, “Please I’ll do anything. I’m having really bad withdrawals I just need a beer or two.”

“Really? Any...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Injuring a part of your body makes you realize how many movements use that body part.

Like spraining your wrist and then having difficulty masturbating with your other hand.

I named my pet rock "Rocky".

Not because it's a rock, but because it has difficulty speaking.

As a child I had difficulty putting things down

It's a habit I can't seem to let go.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon to one who can complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!


So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Al...

With great powers....

...comes greater difficulty in factorising the polynomial.

A man was walking home from work..

When he was 3 blocks away from his house, he hears from behind him....
Bump.......Bump........Bump.....,,,.

He turns around but can’t see anything. He starts running.

The sound gets louder. He looks back and sees a casket jumping and coming after him.

He gets scared and runs ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms.

He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf.


Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.


The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A science teacher takes his young student aside...

A science teacher takes his young student aside in the lab one afternoon and tells him he wants to teach him a new way of discovering knowledge and developing understanding. He is an excellent student but tends to get caught up in the strictness of the scientific method.

"It's all very well t...

An ant is lying in its deathbed in North Korea.

He calls his son and says he wanted to tell him something for a long time.

Son Ant : What is it dad?

Father Ant : I cannot say that in this god forbidden country we have to move immediately to France or Italy before i am dead.

Confused,the Son Ant made arrangements to move to Fr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man visits the doctor for a checkup.

"Your vitals look fine," he said. "But it looks like your sperm count is a bit low. Have you felt any changes in sexual desire or had difficulty in bed?"

"Now that you mention it, the last few times I've had an orgasm, I've felt like my entire testicle was being sucked through my dick!"
...

Top 5 anti-vax excuses, interpreted for gamers

Excuse #5: "I like to play life with the default biological settings".

Excuse #4: "I like to take my chances and play it on extreme difficulty, just like old school style."

Excuse #3: "Pay to win? Eww."

Excuse #2: "I'll rather die than pay for DLC."

Excuse #1: "I swe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Old-timers Were Discussing Problems of Old Age

The first one had urinary problems and said “It’s really terrible because I’m always
having to get up in the middle of the night to pee..and then other nights I need to pee
but nothing comes out. I’d give anything to just be able to pee normally.”

The second guy had elimination issues....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A reporter goes to Appalachia

to write a piece on the hardship of rural life. He goes to the bar and asks a guy to tell him some stories about the hard life he's lived.

The guy says, "One time a buddy's wife went missing in the woods so we had to form a search party for her. By the time we found her it was dark and we ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jerry and Terry need to identify Pat's body in the morgue...

Pat unfortunately died in an apartment fire. His body was burnt so bad that the mortician had difficulty confirming that this body was Pat's. To solve this problem the mortician called in Jerry, one of two of Pat's close friends, to identify the body.

Jerry walks in. "Damn, he's burnt to a...

Three friends married women from different parts of the US.

Three friends married women from different parts of the US.

The first man married a woman from Wisconsin. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The ...

Brian wanted to be a miner ever since he was little

So one day when he hit that magical age of 21 he packed up all of his things and left his parents house. Too the grievance of his mother he moved a few states over. To a little mining village that like in the old days completely depended on their local gold mine. For some reason unlike all the other...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife have been recently wed, however the man's work calls for him to leave the country for six months.

Now, before this point, him and his wife have been having a pretty *intimate* relationship, as it were, and the wife wasn't too pleased about not seeing her husband for six months - mainly because she'd have nothing to satisfy herself with. She expressed her feelings to her husband and on the day be...

3 politicians are planning a gala

Harry Anand, George Bush, and Arnold Schwarzenegger decide that the gala should be a costumed event, but gave difficulty agreeing on the theme.

Eventually, Harry suggests they go as a figure for their heritage whom they respect and admire.

Arnold thinks this is a great idea, and George...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher

indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this." Johnny's mother quietly took him by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closed the door. She said, "First, Johnn...

(Long) A thirsty man got himself lost in the desert...

and was searching for water. After countless hours searching and hoping, he came upon a well with a big opening.
He peered inside... squinted... but couldn't see a thing down there.
He looked around and found a small pebble and tossed it in. He then listened closely for any sign of a splash or...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This young lady got tired of the losers she's been meeting in the dating scene.

One day, out of frustration, she posts an ad in the local personals;

"I'm looking for an honest man. One who is witty, won't hit me, and won't run around on me, and is good in bed."

Several days passed and there was no response, so she forgot about it.

Two weeks later, her doorb...

Poor little Jimmy dies..

Jimmy was very excited about his first day of school. Jimmy has some difficulty with communication due to his disabilities caused by birth.

Jimmy's mum gives him a kiss and waits outside their home for his bus to arrive. Jimmy's mum reminds Jimmy to just wave at the bus driver a smile saying,...

A old man walks into a McDonalds

He is bent over and shuffling slowly. He approaches the counter with great difficulty and orders an ice cream sundae.

The cashier asks "Crushed nuts?"

The old man replies, "No arthritis."

LAWYERS DON'T LIE

A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home.

When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy ...

Touring Stephen King's writing studio

Stephen King is showing a group of students around his writing studio, chaperoned by their aging English teacher. The students are clearly amazed with the items he has on display.

King leans over the desk to pick up a jar to show the children.

“I’m often asked,’ he says with words thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men are ship-wrecked on an island

Where they are captured by cannibals. The cannibal leader says he'll let them live if they go out in the forest and grab 10 of the same fruit.

They all run off, when after a while the first person comes back with 10 apples. The cannibal leader then says, "You must shove them up your ass witho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy was trying to open a jar of peanut butter

And he was having a lot difficulty.

"Stupid, fucking, piece of shit jar. OPEN! You fucking jar"

Surprised, the mother asks him:

"Son, where did you pick that up?"

To which the father replies:

"From the cupboard, you stupid bitch"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

James Earl Jones joins the U.S. Naval Academy.

Once there, he takes a Calculus II class notorious for its difficulty. Unlike his classmates, he isn't worried, but that all changes when he gets his first exam grade back.

"37%?! How did I do that badly?!" he asks his teacher, Admiral Smith.

"I suggest you study harder, cadet." he re...

An Englishman in France

This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally blasted. A French policeman stops his car and asks if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottl...

Bills

Two thieves break into a bank after a lot of difficulty. Hearing police sirens, they each grab a sack from the vault and run for their lives.

8 months later, after the commotion about the robbery dies down, the thieves meet up casually to talk at a bar about the robbery:

Thief 1: Hey...

Life is like a video game

Most of us play on easy difficulty, some on medium, then there is Africa playing on hardcore.

I told my brother, "I went to the GPS repair shop for the first time ever."

"How did you find it?" he asked.

I said, "With difficulty."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and sees a pot full of money...

Then he asks :


- So, what's all that money about ?


The barman says :


- Well, you put $100 in there and take 3 tests. If you manage to complete all of them, you can have all the money inside the pot.


- What are the tests then ? The man says


-Firs...

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor

were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"

"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."

"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The old lady visits the doc with stomach problems...

An old lady in her 70s experiences some difficulty with her stomach and decides to visit the doctor. She tells the doctor that she thinks that she has the farts. The doctor frowns and subjects her to a full examination. After doing many tests, the doctor says, “Mam, congratulations, you are indeed p...

The minister needed money.

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute...

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas walking stick

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas themed walking stick, covered in tinsel and alot of tree lights, I complimented the man on the festiveness of the stick.

He turned and said "Yes well usually I have difficulty with my stick being a bit too heavy but this is the only time of the year it's ligh...

What do ugly women and old men have in common?

They both have difficulty getting an erection.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.