Pumpkin Jokes - 61 Hilarious Pumpkin Jokes

What do you get if you divide a pumpkins circumference by its diameter?

Pumpkin π

Sorry.

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

What's the problem eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year?

You'll get autumn'y ache.

I once won a pumpkin carving contest.

It was a hollow victory.

A piece of pumpkin pie costs $2.00 in Jamaica and $2.45 in Barbados.

These are the pie rates of the Carribean.

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Pumpkin patch surprise

A guy gets invited to a Halloween party at a farm just a mile outside town. He has a little too much to drink, and being responsible, decides to walk home and come back to get his car later.

On the walk home, he suddenly has a rumble in his stomach. He has to take a immediately. He ...

Why did the Mexican pumpkin have to go on a diet?

Because he was gourd-o.

What do hillbillies do on Halloween?

Pumpkin

I'm drunk and I might've made up a joke?

What do people in Alabama do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

Why does a redditor carve a pumpkin?

To distract himself from the fact that he is too, just a lifeless round object putting on a fake smile when another person is near.

What do you call a woman who can a golfball through a garden hose?

Honey, sweetie, pumpkin, baby, whatever it takes

Coffee is acidic. Until you add pumpkin and spices...

Then it becomes basic.

What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

Heard this on Psychostick's livestream :3

What’s the difference between a pumpkin and a classroom filled with baby antelopes?

Quite a few things

Did you know that the state vegetable and official state pastime of Alabama are the same thing?

Pumpkin

Who helps little pumpkins cross the street?

The crossing gourd

How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch

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A guy has a giant pumpkin for a head.

His friend sees him and goes, “holy , what happened to you?”

And the guy goes, “well I found a lamp and I rubbed it and a genie popped out and granted me three wishes.”

“Ok,” says his friend, “what did you wish for?”

“First, I wished for a billion dollars.”

“Second, I...

Did you hear about the pumpkin who played basketball?

He was a point gourd.

What do you call a man wearing a pumpkin hat?

Gourdon

What did one pumpkin say to the other after the halloween party?

Damn! We got lit last night!

Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie?

He's a squashbuckling pirate

What instrument does a pumpkin play?

An a-gourd-ian.

(I’m so sorry I had to get it out of my head)

It was a chilly day of spring when I answered the door to a child holding a plastic pumpkin by the handle.

"Trick or treat!"

"A little late on that one you reckon? Halloween was months ago"

"It was? Sorry, I'm Internet Explorer"

Did you hear about the pumpkins that went to the gym?

They wanted to become jacked-o-lanterns.

Where do pumpkins hold meetings?

The gourdroom

Dang girl, are you a pumpkin?

Because they call me Peter Peter.

Happy Halloween!

What’d the farmer say when he accidentally squashed his pumpkin?

Oh my gord.

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So Cinderella was crying...

...when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have...

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An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

Every year he takes the blue ribbon at the state fair for biggest pumpkin, and every year his town throws a Pumpkin Parade for him where he drives the winner down Main Street in the back of his pickup, the local marching band pla...

What did the sweet potato say to the pumpkin?

"I yam what I yam"

What do you get when you flat pack a pumpkin?

Squash

Which is the the most incestuous fruit?

The pumpkin!

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I was talking to my friend Jim when one of our mutual friends walks up with a giant pumpkin head….

We were both in awe so of coarse we asked what was up.

He responds “You won’t believe it, I found a genie, and I got 3 wishes!”

We both nodded skeptically and asked “For sure man. But your pumpkin hea….”

He cut us off to say “For my first wish I wished for a million dollars.”...

In honor of the spooky season, what do you call a compressed pumpkin?

A squash :3

Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop.

They're absolutely gourd-geous.

I sell pies from my car. $2 for apple pie. $3 for pumpkin pie.

These are the pie rates of the car I be in.

What do you find in a pumpkins pants?

A Halloweenie!

You have a pumpkin.

You measure around it. All the way around.

Then you cut the pumpkin in half so the top is separate from the bottom.

Measure across the cut pumpkin.

Divide the circumference by the diameter.

What do you have now?

Pumpkin Pi

Kids: "There isn't enough sugar in the pumpkin filling!" Dad: "Hey, cooking is an art, not a science..."

"... you can't calculate pie."

I recently decided to stop smashing pumpkins cold turkey.

It was difficult at first, but it got easier once I decided to use the pumpkin patch.

I saw a beautiful pumpkin today...

It was gourdeous.

A pumpkin and her husband go out for a special dinner date.

They meet each other after work at a table within the restaurant.

Wife: “How do I look?”

Husband: “Gourdgeous as ever dear.”

Why do we carve pumpkins for Halloween?

Because they're less .

My dad said i could carve pumpkins on the kitchen table. So i did as he said.

When he came back to check up on me, he yelled, “you ruined the table! And you spelled pumpkins wrong!”

Throw your rotting pumpkins at pretty people.

It is a sure way of calling them Gourdeous.

I created a robot that serves me pumpkin spice lattes...

Naturally, I coded in BASIC

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the true story of Cinderella (oc)

Cinderella wanted to go to the ball, but her mom said she had work to do.

So she finished all her chores and asked "please, please, let me go to the ball!"

But mom said no, she had nothing to wear.

"Oh, i sewwed this dress out of old scraps. Isn't it beautiful?" Cinderella ple...

What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?

They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.

In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell?

Medicine

... runs off ...

A 900 kilogram pumpkin fell on a local man today.

Reports say he was squashed.

Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with LSD and it exploded

That’s what happens when you mix acid and basic

Where would you rate Smashing Pumpkins in your top 90's bands?

For me, I'd rate them Less than Jake but Better than Ezra.

How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?

Apply the pumpkin patch.

The girl I'm dating loves pumpkin spice lattes and uggs, but she's honestly pretty odd

She literally can't even

Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll :

Step 1. Get a pumpkin.

Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.

Step 3. Give it a little push.

Step 4. Enjoy.

What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka?

A sorority.

What do you call death by a massive pumpkin falling on your head?

gourd to death

I heard someone call pumpkin spice lattes basic...

but they are wrong, lattes have a pH below 7

So I’m dating this girl, called magnesium hydroxide, she likes fairy lights, nickelback and pumpkin spiced lattes...

Yeah she is pretty basic.

I read that the three most popular Halloween costumes this year are clown, pumpkin, and dinosaur.

I'm capitalizing on this trend by selling costumes of Trump.

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