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My coworker just found out she won’t be able to attend next week’s Innuendo Conference…

I guess I’ll have to fill her slot instead.

Husband: "Scientists have found that men say about 10,000 words a day, while women say about 20,000..."

Wife (shouts from the kitchen): "It's because we have to repeat everything twice to you blockheads!"

Husband: "What?"

The Oklahoma D.O.T found over 200 dead crows on highways recently.

There was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colou...

I found a hat with $17.50 in it and I thought this other guy was going to pick it up but...

...he was too busy juggling.

I called Animal Welfare today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing four kittens."

“That's terrible," she replied, "We’re they moving?”

“I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "but if they were that would explain the suitcase.”

My 5 year old son found videos meant for adults only...

...but he obviously couldn't understand the advanced calculus lectures from my university, so he stopped watching.

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding.

She got mad and said she's never playing scrabble with me again!!

I found the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be quite lighthearted.

But the fifth one—-dead Sirius.

I've found religion after meeting Mike Tyson

Dude hit me right in the faith.

The cops just called and told me they found my husbands body in the water

I was very concerned as that was not where I’d put it

I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person

All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist

After calculations I found out that my wedding will cost $50k

Now all I need is $50k

and a wife

Found my old copy of Picture of Dorian Gray in the attic

It has not aged well.

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I just found out you can get Botox for your ballsack to get all the wrinkles out.

Pretty nuts, right?

I just found out my neighborhood barber was arrested for dealing drugs!

I've been his customer for 25 years and I never knew he was a barber.

If I had a dime for every girl who found me unattractive…..

Eventually they would find me attractive

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A man came home early from work one day and found his next-door neighbor in bed with his wife.

Quickly pulling a gun, he marched the naked fellow into the garage where he tightly secured the neighbor's private parts in the vise on the workbench.

Still holding the gun to the man's head, he bent the handle of the vise with a crowbar. Putting the gun in his pocket, he then took out a very...

A case study has found trampolines are involved in half of all ER admissions for under-14's.

The authors said the problem is tumbling out of control.

I found my wife's G-spot

It is in her sister

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I found a homeless girl behind a dumpster once

So I took her home and gave her a bath. She was pretty and one thing led to another we started having sex.

At one point we were shagging so hard the noises she was making, you would of thought she was still alive.

Just found out that "Aaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh" isn't a real word.

I can't tell you how angry I am.

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Was going through my record collection when I found an old Will Smith CD..

I'd almost forgotten how that shit slaps!

I came home and found that my wife has been on Ebay the whole day.

If she's still on there tomorrow, I'd have to lower the price.

A recent police study found that..

you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

When I found out you could donate sperm by post...

I came in a jiffy

I found out my wife was cheating on me today.

She said "I'll be home in 10-15 minutes max"

...... My name is Aaron.

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Condom question

A girl is talking to her guy friend: "I found condoms in my boyfriend's jacket. We don't use condoms and when I confronted him, he told me he uses them to masturbate. Do you ever do that??"

"Sure", her guy friend replies.

"Really?? You masturbate into condoms??!"

"Oh", he respon...

There was this guy who found an ancient book.

There was this guy who found an ancient book. In that book he read that dolphins live forever if you feed them the meat of an eagle.


Some time later he came across a very sick eagle and thought: It's gonna die soon anyway, might as well take it to the dolphins at the local zoo to see i...

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Just found out that the Oscars is a big fucking lie all the way along

Those people they invite to their ceremonies are all paid actors

I found a store that only sells bagels and donuts

It's called 'Hole Foods'

I just found out that my girlfriend is mad at me

According to her diary, I have "boundary issues".

I was mowing my lawn and I found a shallow unmarked grave and I can’t stop laughing

I don’t know why I just found this humerus

Captain Crunch, Lucky the leprechaun, and the Trix rabbit have been found murdered in recent months.

Police believe they're all victims of character assassination.

I found out last night that my new girlfriend is a ‘squirter’.

That’s the last time we try knife throwing.

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A genie popped out of a bottle I found on the beach and offered me a choice between perfect memory and a massive dick.

I don't remember what I chose.

I just found out that my girlfriend is a mime.

I can’t believe that after all these years, she never told me.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins

I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

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A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with h...

My next door neighbour is a ice cream man, he went missing and we eventually found him in the back of his van covered in sprinkles, caramel, crushed oreos and chocolate flakes

Apparently he topped himself!

What did Johnny Depp's lawyer say when they found Amber Heard's "bruise makeup kit" wasn't made before 2017?

Objection, lack of foundation

I just found out Canada isn’t real.

Turns out it was all maple leaf.

Religion

I went to an Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.

The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty,...

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I found a fly on the edge of the urinal today

I pissed him off

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A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping cabin on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a cabin, they went to bed, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, they were both still wide awake and they both knew it.

He said: "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet under you...

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We just found out grandpa is addicted to viagra.

No one is taking it harder than grandma.

An army grunt is telling a story about finding a scorpion in his tent…

A marine, an army grunt, and an airman are having a beer and the army grunt is telling this story about how one time he found a scorpion in his tent. Marine asks “what’d you do?”, and the grunt says he crushed it with his boot and flung it out the flap. The marine laughs and says “what a sissy”. The...

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...

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Pastor Jim was coming home late one night, when he found the whole village having a party at the local pub

He decides to check it out. He walks in to find all the men naked, and all the women blindfolded.

"What in the name of the lord is happening here?", he asks in shock.

"Come on in, pastor Jim, we're playing a game" says one of the drunken men.

"What kind of games is this?" inquir...

A Rabbi and a Priest are found asking for money outside of a Church.

The Rabbi was wearing old, tattered clothes; the Priest was wearing nice, elegant clothing. Everyone was giving the priest money and the Rabbi didn't get any money. After a few hours, a young Jewish man walks by and says to the Rabbi, "Why are you asking for money in front of a Church? Nobody will g...

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The voodoo dildo

An old joke probably a repost, one of the few jokes I remember.

A woman went to town for shopping and she found this newagey shop. Curious she went in and looked around when she saw this huge dildo sitting in a corner behind some stuff. She asked the shopowner about it and he told her it's a ...

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One year, I had been a naughty child, and Santa left me a piece of coal.

So I poisoned his cookies.
But the sneaky bastard found out and killed my dad.

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A man is driving down a road when he breaks down next to a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door and says "my car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and go...

I bought a diamond ring on St. Patricks day but found out it was a fake

They gave me a sham rock

They recently found a mummy in Egypt covered in chocolate and nuts.

They think it was pharaoh rocher.

When I found out my toaster was not waterproof...

I was SHOCKED

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.

When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcef...

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Scottish blood

An Arab Sheik was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world.

...

I finally found out the difference between a possum and an opossum.

Opossums are Irish.

I found a cult of people that worship the god of violence

Their beliefs are just wack

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A mother found out condoms in her daughter's dresser. She is obviously concerned, so she asks her, "Are you sexually active?" The daughter replies...

Not really, mom. I just sort of lie there.

I just found out I'm a millionaire!

I converted my paycheck to rubles.

Jimmy Carr says this is the oldest joke he found for a book on humor

A man sits down in the barbers chair, the barber says "how would you like your hair cut?" the man says "in silence"

Leaving his house, Adam Sandler found himself accosted by members of the paparazzi. “Mr. Sandler, what are you doing in preparation for Passover?” They asked.

“No chametz,” he replied.

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The founding fathers were having a discussion about the originations of their last names

"I wonder if someone in my family ran a laundry business" mused George Washington, "that may be the reason"

"I suppose mine is more boring, at some point there must have been a Jeffer son", said Thomas Jefferson.

"I don't like this game", said John Hancock

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A guy and a hen enter a bar together

They sit down at the table. The hen has extraordinarily long legs.

The waiter asks the guy what he wants.

The guy, with a sad and tired expression asks for a black coffee and a slice of applepie.

The hen promptly says: "I'll have the same, thanks".

The waiter is amazed by...

A doctor found a cure for muteness

Dr. Smith, a medical professional studying human vocals, found a cure to muteness.

He found out after dealing with a patient and an unlikely scenario happened.

He receives an award for medicine, and is invited to give a speech. He speaks about his life, inspiration, and discovery. He b...

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Moving his hand all over her

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite sometime.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her s...

An American dropped into a pub in London for a drink and found it completely full of Brits.

An American dropped into a pub in London for a drink and found it completely full of Brits. After a few minutes, he saw a table for two with one middle-aged gentleman sitting at it. He walked over to the table and asked if he could sit down. The Brit replied, "Certainly. Please do."

The Ameri...

I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month.

I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.

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Dedicated to Amber Heard

After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and ...

How did Cinderella know that she had truly found her fairy godmother?

Her new dress actually had decently-sized pockets!

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I'm heartbroken! I just found out my wife is a typical racist.

See, I brought my black girlfriend over for dinner and my wife takes one look at her and says, "Get the fuck out!"

Today I brought home a record I found at Goodwill. It was called "Sounds Wasps Make"...

I put it on my record player and thought, "This doesn't sound anything like wasps!" Then I realized I was playing the bee side.

Just found out that my parents love my twin brother more than me.

Still, it was nice of them to invite me to his surprise birthday party.

I was really excited to get an offer for a new job, until I found out the pay was £3.14 per hour.

I think that’s just kind of irrational.

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Guy walks into a bar

Sits at the bar and orders a drink. He pays with a $100 bill and refuses the change. Just when he's about to take a drink, this little guy - not even a foot tall - runs across the bar and knocks the drink out of his hand. The little guy jumps off the bar and disappears.

The bartender, real...

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Premature Ejaculation,,,

A man was having a problem with premature ejaculation, so he went to the doctor.

The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife.
...

Most people will say there are two certainties in life; deaths and taxes. But I found another certainty.

Eye floaties.

My wife was disappointed when she found out why my friends call me “The Love Machine”.

Because I suck at tennis.

Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password:

**"VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento"**

When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: *Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."*

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

Suddenly, a faint moaning is heard from the casket. The casket is opened, and it is found that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.

They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walk...

Just paid $350 on a limo, but found out it didn't include a driver

All that money with nothing to chauffeur it

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.....

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leath...

An emaciated man was found dead in his bathtub. The apparent cause of death was starvation.

Oddly, he still had enough food in his fridge, and no apparent mobility problems that would prevent him from getting to it. His relatives did not know of any mental problems either.

The best investigator in the city was called to the scene. She takes one look at the bathroom and asks the rela...

I found my first grey pubic hair last night.

Last time I ever eat Grandma's Christmas dinner

I found out today that some alligators grow up to 15 feet!

Most of them only have 4 though

Three hunters found a set of tracks in the forest.

The first hunter says, "These are deer tracks".

"No", the second hunter says. "These are wolf tracks".

The third hunter is about to say something, when they are all hit by the train.

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Many people are surprised I found my wife on Tinder

And so was I. What the fuck, she's trying to cheat on me?!

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So there was this assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet.

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?"

"Yup."

"What if you miss?"

He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss…"

"Okay, well I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best frien...

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(An old joke I heard. So sorry if I mess up with the wording.) A dead body was found floating in the river.

..The police recovered it, and found a wallet with the body. They found out that the wallet belonged to Mr. Smith. But they still weren't sure if the dead body was of Mr. Smith or not.

So they did some investigation and found out about the twin brothers Mark and Harry, who were very close fri...

A mom was cleaning her son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear & fetish mags.

She asked her husband: “What do we do?” Husband said: “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t spank him!"

After the invention of time travel, many historic figures were brought to the present to experience modern culture with varying degrees of success.

George Washington nearly had a heart-attack because of the current state of the two party system, Napoleon tried to conquer Europe once more, and Alfred Einstein became an avid redditer, amongst many other historic events.

But out of all the crazy things happening because of time travel, the ...

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Finally found a way to stop the wife from sucking her thumb...

I drew a cock on it.

I found my first grey pube today...

Usually I wouldn't mind, but it was in my greggs pasty.

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One morning when Johnny is brushing his teeth, he sees his mother stepping out of the shower to dry herself off. While she is reaching for her towel, he notices that she has hair between her legs.

"Mommy," he says, "why do you have hair between your legs?"

Embarrassed, the mother responds, "Oh, this isn't hair. This is a washcloth. I used it to wash my face in the shower." She is so mortified, she decides to shave off her pubic hair.

A few mornings later when Johnny sees his mot...

The tornado may have taken my house but I found it very refreshing

It was an F5

I was afraid when I found a tick on me, when I was abroad visiting Rome.

But ever since then I keep falling in love.

I guess I got bit by a RomanTic bug.

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The British Army found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus

They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head...

My neighbor was found guilty of overusing commas.

The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.

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A man was walking to the bar

And on his way to the bar he found a girl tied to a railroad track. He untied her and they had a lot of sex.

Then he got to the bar and he started talking to his friend over there about how all the difference positions they fucked and everything.

His friend says thats awesome.. did yo...

i found a talking tree

i woke up one day and i heard a crying voice, i followed it and i found the source to be from a cut down tree

i said: "hello?"

the tree said crying: "what do you want?"

i asked: "you can talk?"

the tree answered: "yeah I'm a rare variant, now you answer my question: who...

A woman comes home and finds a letter from her husband on the dinner table

She opens it and reads:

"My Dear Wife,

you will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54-year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact th...

Just found out I'm colorblind

The news came completely out of the purple.

Ricardo was a young Italian man.

He lived in Milan. On his 16th birthday his father Antonio, in a rite of passage, gave him a hunting rifle that was a family heirloom. The rifle had been handmade by Antonio’s father who founded the Rolle Carabiner Company after World War II.

Ricardo cherished the rifle and he practiced with...

I found a website where non-binary people sell used items

It’s called eThey

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An interview with an old man .

An 80 years old man had an interview with the local TV channel and they told him : old man can you tell us about a happy memory from your youth ?

Old man : one time my donkey got lost and all the village went out to search for and when we found it we were so happy we all fucked it .

J...

A man finds an old brass lamp on the beach (long).

It’s very sandy, so he picks it up and rubs it.
Wouldn’t you know, it starts to emit a plume of multicolored smoke and a djinni appears.
The djinni says “For freeing me from this lamp I offer you 3 w…”
The man cuts him off “I know, I know, 3 wishes! My first wish is to have $200 billion dol...

The genius

A man is walking along a trail, he met a guy carrying a lock the size of an oven in his arms, the man then asked him:

"- That's a strange lock, where did you get it?

\- If youcontinue to walk on this trail, in a few hundred meters you'll saw the lamp on the side, rub it and a genie wil...

I've just found out my wife is really a ghost.

To be honest, I had my suspicions from the moment she walked through the door.

An old lady walked into a pet store, found a parrot, and asked the owner if she could buy it...

The owner said, "Heck no! That parrot has a bad mouth! Trust me - you do not want that parrot!"

She said, "I can teach it good manners." 

But, when she got home the parrot said a bad word, so she put it in the freezer for 10 seconds.

She took it out and said, "Did you learn your...

Jim and Ted were let go after 15 years working at the bra factory so they headed down to the local Employment office…

There they each filled out some forms. They both had worked the same quality assurance positions on the line down at the “Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder Inc.”. Afterwards they each met with a jobs counselor to try and find new employment they could embark on. As the final step they met individua...

American scientists found out...

...but then they went back inside.

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What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?

“Some asshole has my pen!”

I found a book on how to avoid procrastination...

I think I'll read it tomorrow

A man was recently arrested after being found hiding in a wardrobe.

When the police asked him what he was doing there, he said ‘Narnia business’.

The Pope dies and stands in front of the gates of heaven.

St. Peter looks at him confused:" Who are you? I don't know you." The Pope says" I'm the Pope, the holy father". Peter scrolls through his holy book " Pope, Pope, holy father..... nope, not in here". Now the Pope is confused "But I'm God's representative on earth." Peter says " Pease wait a minute" ...

An archaeologist and his gorgeous new intern are in the lab checking the levels of carbon-14 in a skull they found.

The archaeologist's jealous wife walks in and demands to know what's going on. "Honey, it's nothing! We're just dating!"

What does my dad have in common with Nemo...

They both can't be found

A Bulgarian man was a train driver

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incid...

My Dad sent me this on Facebook, which means it’s almost guaranteed to be a repost. I touched it up a bit, but here you go: The Worst Day Ever

There I was, sitting at the bar, staring at my drink, when a large, troublemaking biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says menacingly.

I burst into tears. "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a comple...

If I had a nickel for every woman that found me attractive…

I’d have 2 nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.

If they found the captain's log in Picard's bathroom, what did they find in the second officers urinal?

Data stream

When I found out it's a bad idea to do your own electrical wiring,

I was shocked

An elephant escaped from a zoo and no trace had been found....

Until a woman who had never seen an elephant before, called the police.

There's a weird animal in my garden. It's pulling up the cabbages with its tail. And what is worse, I cannot describe what it is doing with them.

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The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests.

He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.

But his snake lost its appetite, and soon stopped eating altogether; perhaps due to the stress of frequent travel and an i...

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Me and my wife got into a heated argument best she found out I was visiting prostitutes for sex.

I told her she couldn’t blame me she would hardly ever give it up.

She said that it’s my own fault I never told her I was willing to pay for it.

I told my wife I found another girl just to see her reaction

On the first day, I saw nothing, the same thing for the second and third day... Fortunately, I started seeing a little bit with my left eye on the fourth day.

Rumour got round that the bear kept a list of all the animals he plans to kill.

Scared and confused, the wolf went to confront the bear.

"Bear," said wolf. "Do you really keep a list of all the animals you plan to kill?"

"I do." said the bear.

"And... Is my name on it?" asked the wolf.

"It is." the bear growled. And the following morning, the wol...

We just found an original Stradivarius and a previously undiscovered Rembrandt in my grandad's attic!

Unfortunately it turns out that Rembrandt made useless fiddles and Stradivarius couldn't paint worth a cuss.

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A girl I met last night told me her pussy tasted like a rainbow...

Found out that she meant 'Trout' and not 'Skittles.'

I found a Land Rover whilst metal detecting today

It was a lovely discovery

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A young man decided it was time to come out to his family.

He was worried most about his grandmother, so he approached her in the kitchen.

"Grandma, I, uh, have to tell you something."

"Yes, sweety?"

"I, uh, I'm gay."

"Gay?" His heart stopped. "Does that mean you put men's things in your mouth?"

"Grandma!!!!"

"Wel...

A man walks into a bar...

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."

The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."

The man asks "Well what would you...

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I just found out my wife is homophobic.

You should have seen how mean she was when I introduced her to my boyfriend…

John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

Mom knows best

A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate. During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening while wat...

Did you hear about the guy who immediately found a job after quitting from the helium factory?

Their references spoke very highly of them.

Every morning, the CEO of a major bank in Manhattan went to the corner where a shoeshine man was always there.

He used to sit on the chair, read the Wall Street Journal, and the shoeshine man gave his shoes a shiny, great look.

One morning, the shoeshine man asks the CEO:
"What do you think of the stock market situation?"

The CEO arrogantly asks him:
"Why are you so interested in this...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a little old man who was in very good shape but noticed one morning that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis…

So he went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand except for his penis.

Just then, two old ladies were strolling along the sand one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this thing sticking out of the sand she began to move it about with her cane, remarking to the other ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a preteen, all I wanted was a girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits,

but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

Wh...

Three construction workers dig up a strange old lamp at a job site

A genie pops out and says, "Since you three found me at the same time, I will grant each of you one wish!"

The first worker blurts out, "I want to live in a mansion on my own private island!" and POOF! he's gone, now laying back in a chaise longue in the Cayman Islands.

The second work...

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart. But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth. 6 respected 9, even though ...

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