What do “PETA” and “Make a Wish Foundation” have in common?

A 10% survival rate



I’m so sorry

The American Foundation for the Blind has done such good work for blind people across America

I really wish they could see what good they’ve done

Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders and kid from the make a wish foundation are on a plane.

Suddenly, the pilot comes bursting from the cabin with what appears to be a parachute on.
“The engine is gone and we’re minutes from crashing so grab a chute and follow me.
The captain opens the door and takes a leap from the plane. Bernie runs across the plane to grab a parachute but sees t...

Wanna hear a joke about the SCP foundation?

[redacted]

A good romance starts with a foundation of friendship and respect.

A bad romance starts with a rah rah rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma, gaga ooh la-la.

What did Bill Gates do at his foundation that he couldn’t at Microsoft?

Prevent viruses.

An artist, an architect, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress.

The architect said that it was better to have a wife, because you could build the relationship on a firm foundation.

The artist said that no, it was better to have a mistress, because the freedom allowed endless variations.

The engineer said that it was best to have both a wife and a m...

An old woman was being interviewed regarding her pending divorce...

An old woman was being interviewed regarding her pending divorce. The judge asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About a four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said. "I mean what is the foundation o...

What is something the make a wish foundation can't give the children?

A future

A child is ill and the make a wish foundation asks what he would like more than anything. The child thinks about it and says, "I'd like to trade places with Donald Trump!"

They interpret as he wants to know what it's like to be president for a day.

So they ask Trump, he obliges.

Trump meets the child and asks, "So you want to know what it's like to be
president?"

The child, disappointed, retorts "No, I just wanted you to have cancer."

Over 500 children have had their last request granted by John Cena for the Make-a-Wish foundation. That’s because anytime a child ask to see John Cena all they have to say is,

“You Can’t.”

A child who is critically ill is taken under the Make-A-Wish foundation

Her first wish is to meet Captain America and Thor so Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth arrive at the hospital.

After a long meeting session, the two of them ask her what her next wish is.

"I want to meet Iron Man now"

Courtesy of my 8 year old: Why did the lipstick, eyeliner, and foundation keep fighting each other?

Because they could never makeup!

The Trump Foundation has dissolved and employees are going their separate ways...

Some arr going to Riker's and others are going to San Quinton.

A boy desperately needs money to buy a new car

However, his mother forcibly tells him no. The boy, undeterred, decides to get a job to pay. He applies for many jobs, ranging from a mechanic to delivering newspapers. However, he is not accepted for any of them. Slowly, he gives up on his dream of buying a car.

Weeks later, the boy tells hi...

I've decided to pour a new foundation for my porch.

I want to make concrete changes to my life.

A kid from the Make A Wish Foundation told me he wanted to be Batman for Halloween...

So I murdered his parents

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

So, the make a wish foundation arrives at a hospital room

They talk to the child laying there,
“ are you ready for the surprise of a lifetime“
The kid in a raspy voice replies, “ So a short one?”

One class D personnel from SCP foundation walks into a bar.

\[DATA EXPUNGED\]

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Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason.

No, this does not mean that I am obligated to show you my breasts to prove their existence

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A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!"

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "An acre and...

There was a huge uproar when the official theme song of the National Leukemia Foundation was announced

What's wrong with "Bad to the Bone"?

a kid laying in a hospital bed at the make a wish foundation finally meets his idol

he says: omg i’ve been dying to meet you

I joked about how bad our apartment building's foundation was

Even the walls started cracking up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 weeks ago, I decided that to stop my addiction I’d donate $1 to charity every time I masturbate.

I’ve already donated $100 to the Cancer Research Foundation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was working on sealing a leak in a crack in my foundation when a friend told me I should look for one at the sex shop...

...At first I was skeptical but I gave it a try and I must say, I was quite disappointed because it was everything but plugs.

Can we stop the conspiracy theories on Epstein's death? It was a normal suicide, because he had nothing to live for.

"This post is supported and paid for by the Clinton Foundation"

How do they pick kids for the Make-A-Wish Foundation?

Natural selection.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm thinking of starting a youth foundation...

I mean I've already got like 30 kids buried in my basement.

Women are the foundation of our society

But men are the ones who laid the foundation

Guy driving a car stops by a hooker

...and asks: -What can You do for a 100 bucks?

She replies: -Anything You want, baby.

\-Hop in, You'll help me lay the foundation for my garden shed.

What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor?

The foundation's been laid.

Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA?

The Make-A-Wish foundation.

An O-5, a Foundation Agent, and Doctor Bright walk into a bar.

[DATA EXPUNGED]

The Clinton Foundation is like my ex-wife.

They keep 94% of the money and still don't feed the kids.

Fall on a building site (dad joke)

I fell into the foundations of a new build as it was setting, it's always nice to make a good impression.

The Make-A-Wish foundation and a child

*Offensive*

A cheerful child is diagnosed with a fatal cancer and doesn't have long to live even with modern treatment, making the child extremely melancholy. As such, the Make-A-Wish foundation approaches the child and his family to provide a single wish. When asked what the child wants, he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for mi...

I was thinking of joining the Hug-A-Cactus foundation but

I hear they deal with alot of pricks.

Did you hear about the Make A Wish Foundation going bankrupt?

Some kid wished for more wishes.

As the YouTube makeup influencers feuded with each other i couldn't help but wonder...

Had their relationship been built using a bad *foundation?*

I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women

It's real thick to hide the bruises

Say what you want about the Make-a-Wish foundation

At least they can work to a deadline

I'm going to start a foundation dedicated to helping people with obsessive behaviour.

And call it Obsessive Disorders Control.

Did you hear the one about Make-A-Wish foundation giving concert tickets to the little deaf boy?

Neither did he.

Anyone know how to lift a house?

My girlfriend wants me to put foundation on her face.

The LAST Last Supper

On the eve of his crucifixion, Christ gathered his disciples for a final meal.

As he broke bread, Christ turned to the table and said, "On this night, one of you shall betray me."

There is a panicked murmur among the disciples.

Finally Peter steps forward. "Is it I, Lord? Am I ...

found while browsing Quora

Donald Trump, Theresa May, and Angela Merkel are walking outside after a particularly stressful diplomatic meeting.

As they walk in silence, one of them stumbles on a small rock - but when they investigate, they find it is not a rock at all, but an antique oil lamp.

“Maybe there's a ge...

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(OC) A Hippie walks by a businessman...

A Hippie is walking by and sees a businessman looking over some construction that had been started on a plot of land. The Hippie is alarmed and exclaims "What are you doing?!"

The businessman responds by saying that this piece of land was bought by his company. The land was good and the found...

Philanthropic lawyer

There was a hotshot New York lawyer who got call from Save the Children foundation.
Caller: Sir, we are aware that you are one of the top lawyers in New York and earn millions of dollars a month.
Lawyer: That's right. So what?
Caller: Sir, we are working for the benefit of destitute childre...

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A lady goes to the doctor...

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that.

About a week later, she’s back at the do...

If you ever want to build a home for the poor

A foundation is a solid place to start

What bounces and makes children sad?

The checks I write to the Make-A-Wish foundation.

A man releases a genie

A man is walking along a beach in California when he finds a bottle. He opens it, and with a puff of smoke, a genie is released.

"As a reward for freeing me from the bottle," says the genie, "I'll grant you one wish."

The man thinks for a while and says "I've always wanted to visit Aus...

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Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a bar.

Donald leans over, and with a smile on his face, says, “The media are really tearing you apart for that scandal.”

Hillary: “You mean my lying about Benghazi?”
Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean the massive voter fraud?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: ...

What company is the best at meeting deadlines?

The Make a Wish Foundation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump Michael Jackson and Snoop Dog are on a plane

Donald Trump, Michael Jackson any Snoop Dog are on a plane with 3 boys from make-a-wish foundation the pilot yells back the plane is going down and that there are only 3 parachutes. Snoop says "give them to the children. Trump yells "fuck the children". Michael Jackson look around and asks "but do w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mario

A young man is sitting in a tavern in a small town in Italy, drinking and looking glum. A stern looking local man approaches him and asks,

"What's wrong my friend?"

He says "My partner left me for another man."

"Ah, life can be cruel" says the local. "Take me, I built this bar w...

(Long joke) A man is dying of a rare disease...

This disease has left his body covered in large, bright, yellow, pus-filled craters and has grown exponentially worse over the course of a few months. The man is told by numerous doctors that there is no cure to his life- threatening illness and he doesn't have much time to live.

A Make-A-Wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black guy, a white guy, and a Chinese guy...

Get a job on a construction site.
One day the foreman has to keep an early appointment, so he leaves the black guy and the white guy in charge of building, and leaves the Chinese guy in charge of supplies.
Hours later, the foreman returns to find the black and white guys standing around, and...

Help! Performing in front of a deaf audience, and need an appropriate opening joke or two (plus my favorite three little pig joke)

Tomorrow I'm conducting a charity benefit for a large state wide deaf education foundation. I'll be in front of ~500 people talking. I Want at least one slightly edgy jokes that would cater to this sort of rich (and largely deaf) audience.

"Once upon a time, Three Little Pigs walk into a ...

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A time traveler meets with an ancient Jewish Bibical author.

After a brief introduction, having convinced the scribe of his identity, the time-traveler launches into an excited speech:

"Rabbi, do you know that in the future, your writings will spawn off other religions that in turn would make most of the world's population adherents of the Abrahamic fa...

A Woman Goes to the Mall

She's walking through a high-end department store and sees a sign for free makeovers.

The young lady doing makeovers sees her and signals that the chair is open.

"Come on and have a seat!"

The woman sits down and marvels at all the products. The young lady lines her up and takes...

On a mission from my grandma and I need your help!

This is not a joke, but a request.

My grandma asked me to come up with a joke for her, for a speech she's giving to her charity foundation. The joke has to involve an old woman, and raising money/charity donations. Here's the example she gave me (slightly paraphrased from when she told it t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Depressed Scotsman

A tourist walks into a bar in Scotland, sits down and orders a whisky. He notices a scotsman sitting alone and drinking so he goes up and asks him why he's sad.

The Scotsman says, you see that wall over there? I built that wall. With me own two hands I laid the foundation and laid it brick b...

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