Some say that the english language is hard to learn.

But you can do it through tough, thorough thought though.

It must be hard for people learning to spell in English. For example, there is one silent K in "knight", four silent K's in "knickknack"

And three silent K's in "Republican".

Ever since I first learned about confirmation bias

I've been seeing it everywhere.

When a BMW owner learns to drive...

What kind of car do they switch to?

Some laws that we didn't learn at school

01. *LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR*

Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

02. *ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

03. *KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM*

When u dial a wrong numbe...

I've come to learn that every groupchat has a separate, smaller groupchat, just without the annoying people.

If you think yours doesn't, then i have some bad news.

Tony Dungy visits Bill Belicheck to try and learn the Patriots secrets.

He asks Bill about how he always wins no mater what is going on.

Bill calls Tom Brady into his office and asks him "who is you father's brother's nephew?"

Brady responds "Me"

Bill turns to Tony and says "see you, need smart players"

The next day at practice Tony calls ove...

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He still can't say the word for "please" though, which I think is poor for four

Little Johnny learns additions in school.

Teacher: "Johnny, what is 3 plus 4?"

Johnny starts counting his finders: "One, two, three... four, five, six, seven. Seven Miss!"

Teacher: "Correct Johnny, but you need to learn doing additions without counting on your fingers. Put your hand in your pockets."

Johnny proceeds wit...

I spent the last year learning mandarin

Now I peel real fast

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ...

Johnny learns fast…

Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.”
Teacher: “Please stay out of school for one week.”

Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 2: “I saw both your bra straps.”
Teacher: “Suspended from school for one month.”

Teacher bent down to pic...

What do you call an amputee learning karate?

Partial arts

It was easy for me to learn braille

Once I got a feel for it.

How does a baked bean learn from its mistakes?

It uses Heinz sight.

Where do you learn to make complicated ice-cream dishes?

Sundae school.

I tried so hard to learn how to wear a turban.

But I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.

I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."

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Girlfriend: "I'm new to learning about male anatomy how does your penis work?"

Guy: "It doesn't."

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Learning the ways..

A Red Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, 'Me want coffee.'

The waiter says, 'Sure chief, coming right up...'

He gets the Red Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, p...

I never learn the true meaning of NTR until recently.

'Nothing to report.' Said the girl.

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A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”

So she consented and they were married, and they went on honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 30-foot high board and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. T...

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!

Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?"

The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : - "If your mom and I fall into water, whom will y...

An old joke I learned in third grade...

So, this french guy - he wants to learn English. So boards a plane to the US and he hears the Pilot say "take off". The first stop he makes in the US is the San Diego Zoo, where he learns "zebra". While he's looking at the Zebras, a couple walks up with a stroller and he learns the word "baby". So t...

Do you want to know how you can easily learn to play the guitar well?

Stay tuned.

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A lady approaches a priest and shyly tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots but, they only know how to say one thing... they keep saying 'Hi, we’re hot... do you want to *fuck us*?'"

"That's terrible!" says the priest. "But, I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house tomorrow. I will put them with my two male talking parrots... to whom I've taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible filt...

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An ensign was spending his first few days aboard a submarine learning his duties and a litany of regulations.

His job was unusual, but simple; tend a pair of oxen in a miniature field on deck 7. The purpose of this agricultural endeavor was to see if crops might one day be grown inside a spaceship; a submarine was an adequate stand in.

He had never driven cattle before, but in short order, he got th...

My dad always believed in learning things by doing them

so when I was a kid, he threw me in the lake








just so he could teach himself CPR

I've learned to always forgive and forget.

Anyway, I'm not a loan officer anymore.

[Library] Me: I want to learn more about corals.

Librarian: You’ll find them under C.

Me: I already know where they live, sir. I wanna learn more.

The Greek learned you could avoid pregnancies by using sheep intestines.

The English later learned it also works if you remove it from the sheep first.

Today I was learning about electrical safety.

I was shocked.

I just learned that an octopus’s brain is wrapped around it’s oesophagus.

That’s food for thought.

To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

We need to rise up against children with leukaemia

I got a new plant that survives on water and learning new words...

It's cool and all, but I had to install a hydro-phonics system.

Scientists have discovered the most important sentence to learn first in ANY language.

My friend will pay.

I just learned that "Space Rock" is a genre, and is slightly disappointing,

that no one just called it "Asteroid"

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I try to learn from my mistakes,

but it's hard when they can't even wipe their own ass.

I just learned how to play both Alto & Tenor Saxaphones.

I'm Bi-Saxual!

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Today I learned that I am indeed a looner. What a relief…

This whole time my sexuality has really been up in the air…

I was surprised to learn that stepping on a crack really breaks your mama's back and stepping on a line really breaks your father spine

Unfortunately for me, my sister just stepped on a rock

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I was shocked to learn that a famous male pornstar had received $1,000,000 for his sperm. But, you know what they say

Sex cells.

Learning to drive

A guy walks into a bar an orders a beer. "I've really been wanting to learn how to drive a stick shift," the guy tells the bartender. "But I can't find a manual."

(long) Life lessons learned on a farm.

One day, a chicken and horse were walking in a field when all of a sudden, the horse fell into a thick bed of mud. Failing to pull him out, the horse said, "Quick! Get the farmer! He'll help me!"

The chicken ran back to the farmhouse and pounded on the door, but no one answered. He dashed in...

When you’re too ugly to be an actor and too lazy to learn an instrument...

...you become a comedian.

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepa...

A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting "help me please, I'm shrinking" The Doctor calmly said "now settle down a bit"..

.."you'll just have to learn to be a little patient"

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A group of primary school kids, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Randwick races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the uri...

If it's right that from each mistake you make you learn something

Then i must be Albert Einstein

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Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

We all know the app for learning to speak another language is Duolingo but did you know

That to learn to speak in tongues, you need Cunnilingo?

If there's anything we learned from this vaccine, it's that Eminem was wrong:

you do get more than one shot.

There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers.

One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him an addition question. So the uncle asked, "What is three plus four?" The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven." The uncle said, "Listen kid, you can't count ...

In school, you learn about spies

In soviet Russia, spies learn about you!

I Can't stop watching doomsday films like The End of the World (1916), The War of the Worlds (1953), Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), The day the Earth stood still (1951) The Omega Man (1971)

It's like there's no tomorrow.

You would think that I would eventually learn

That not everyone is grateful when you try to help them. I was driving the other day and saw an old guy trying to cross the road. I pulled over, turned on my blinkers and went to assist the fellow. This guy turned around, and came after me, and tried to bite me. Snapping turtles are a hell of a lot ...

Why is learning linux stupid?

All of the lessons are full of sudo science

What's it called when a cowboy has a learning disability?

Yeehawtism

Today, I learned that some people are disgusted that others pee in the shower

I don’t think it was necessary to cancel my gym membership over it though.

(A joke my physics teacher told) There was a Bulgarian man who drove trains for a living...

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incid...

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

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I learned today that there are no canaries in the Canary Islands. Same thing with the Virgin Islands...

...no canaries there either.

Today I learned why Alzheimer's patients love r/jokes

Because there are no reposts


Ps I'm so sorry.

I learned how to meditate from my school teacher. She would say to me...

..."SHUT UP, STAY STILL AND JUST BE QUIET!!!

Two boys were misbehaving... ...so their mother went to the local priest to look for advice. The priest thought it would be best if the boys learned integrity, by way of understanding that "God is everywhere, and He sees everything you do so you shouldn't misbehave."

The mother and the priest thought it best that the priest talked to the boys, so the mother agreed to take the boys in one at a time to talk to the priest.


She brought the first boy (Ray) to the church and left the second boy (Jim) at home. She took Ray into the priest's office and stay...

What do you call a recently hired conductor who’s still learning the job skills?

A trainee

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Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blur...

Just learned that French fashion designers are trying to develop a clothing line made from frozen water.

I SWEAR!!

Well, if there's one thing I've learned from my daughter's first swimming lessons,

She's definitely not a witch.

Wanna know how to learn englis? (probrobly made before, if so then i havent seen it)

Spill oil on the ground and then wait for the us army, they will teach you.

Oedipus wants to learn of his fate.

He travels to Thebes to consult the blind prophet Tiresias and asks him, "What does my future hold?"

Tiresias thinks quietly for a time and answers, "First you'll murder your father."

Oedipus is shocked to hear that he'll become a killer, but there must be more to his fate.

He ...

In today's Criminology class we will learn about cannibalism.

It's my Hannibal Lecture.

I've been trying to learn to play solitaire, but I can't finish a single game!

You'd think it would be easier, since my deck is already missing six cards.

Never, EVER be late

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words wh...

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I wanted to learn so I bought the Kamasutra and...

Man, there's a lot of fucking information in here.

I've learned that restaurants in Denmark would rather serve five Germans than one American.

Something about five customers being better than one.

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

   The first mathematician orders a beer 

The second orders half a beer 

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The barten...

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As male porn stars age they learn one thing...

You’re either working hard, or you’re hardly working.

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Things I've learned from video games

My mother has been fucked to death many times.

I'm really a cigarette in disguise.

I'm also actually of African descent, my father will be very upset to find that one out. Though my real father is probably one of those random people who fucked her to death.

A lot of people are m...

Today in History class we learned that evil slave traders used to lure and capture Kalahari bushmen by speaking their language to draw them out in the open.

A terrible, early form of click bait.

A teenage boy passes his driving test ...

.. asked his father when he would discuss using the car.

His father said he was making a deal with his son, "You raise your grade from C to B average, learn your Bible a little, and cut your hair. Then let's talk about the car."Decided and they agreed to it.

About six weeks later, his ...

We learned about oxymorons.

It was very fun, there were many examples.


freezer burn, original copy, exact estimate, truthful politician, caring insurance, Microsoft Works, and more!

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A duck walks into a pub...

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I...

Where do dads learn how to tell their jokes?

In the delivery room.

How to cook sausages

Once upon a time there was a little girl and one day her mommy decided it was time for her to learn how to cook sausages.


So she explains, slowly and patiently:


"You cut off the ends of the sausages, put a non-stick pan over a medium heat, and then add the sausages. Keep co...

Flying over the Atlantic

An Airbus 380 is on it's way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring ...

What's the best thing about being Joe Biden?

Waking up every day and learning that you're the president.

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Virgin Learns How to Have Sex - Dime, Dime, Quarter, Dollar...

A young virgin goes to a priest and confess that he's never had sex and is nervous about his wedding night. The priest reassures the man and tells him that he should go home and tape a dime to his left hip and practice moving his body to the side each time saying the word "Dime". So, the young man g...

This is America,why don't you learn to speak English!!

Karen yelled at a group of Scots.

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Now that Trump has been banned from Twitter, we finally learned the past tense of the verb "Tweet."

Twat

How does a computer learn karate?

With a punch card

Mice

A family of mice were out walking, and were suddenly surprised by a large cat. Father Mouse stood his ground, drew himself up to his full height, and shouted BOW-WOW-WOW!!! at the cat. The cat, alarmed, ran off.

The small mice were very impressed. “That was fantastic, Dad! How did you do that...

Our new puppy is still learning how to bark..

All he can come up with now are ruff drafts !

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The teacher asks all students of her class to learn 4 clauses before the next class next day.

Amit goes to his busy dad and says

Amit : Daddy Daddy. Can you please tell me a clause?

Dad : Shut up

Amit : Thank you Daddy

Next, Amit goes to his mom who is busy cleaning trash.

Amit : Mommy Mommy, Can you please tell me a clause?

Mom : Trash

Am...

I just memorized six pages of the dictionary...

I learned next to nothing.

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[ NSFW ] Little billy is out back in his yard, playing with his toy airplane when his mother happens to glance out of the open window.

8 year old Billy "flies" his toy airplane around, making engine noises until it, presumably at it's imaginary destination, comes screeching to a halt.

" Ladies and gentlemen", says billy, pretending to be the captain. "Everyone getting the hell out should get the hell out. And anyone getting ...

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

Why did the straw learn karate?

There were too many tired people hitting the hay

Interviewer: Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it here.

Me: But I never went to college.

Interviewer: I'm sorry, then you're underqualified to work here.

I've been learning to use a new web browser lately, but my teacher is being really harsh to me.

He's my Tor-mentor.

Do you know any maths jokes?

Yeah |ly|

When I was learning trigonometry my teacher explained the trig functions by referencing the unit circle. And when I asked about the unit circle she referred me to the functions.

I said miss this seems like circular reasoning to me

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Mike Tyson is a jerk

Alright, so Mike Tyson is kind of a dick. He treats all the people around him like shit. His friends, his family, etc. One day, he goes to a restaurant and just refuses to tip his waitress. Little does he know, the waitress was actually a witch. To get revenge, the witch conjures up a spirit to curs...

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation

The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three envelopes number 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and...

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The art of Veterinary Medicine

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

The professor tells the class "In Veterinary Medicine, there are two quali...

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Maybe repost, but it is a fabulous joke so I'll risk it. (Long, and works better when spoken)

A man is waking up in the morning, when he reads in the newspaper that the circus is coming to town. So he decides to go and see. He gets into his seat and the show starts. He watches the lions, the elephants, the tight rope walkers, and at the end there's a clown insulting people in the audience. T...

My wife and I went to the auction in Paris Kentucky the other week

and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR" My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs...smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'We walked t...

My wife of 61 years said let's go upstairs and make love.

I told her "Choose one, I can't do both."

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Have you ever read a story that is 100% true but sounds like a joke?

You're about to.

This happened when i was 19, in 2008.

I'm italian, and at the time i was dating this girl that was one year older than me. She was studying oriental languages and cultures at the uni and was also learning chinese (mostly cantonese).

One day we went on a date to ...

Today I learned...

It’s not polite to greet a blind person with long time no see

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

It it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it.

An ice fishing joke never before posted here.

Billy Bob and his family decided to go ice fishing. So they loaded up all their tackle and headed up north and found a lake where they could go ice fishing with a tackle shop nearby in case they needed anything. When they got there the man behind the counter said they'd need ice picks for breaking t...

The cashmere sweater story

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Last night my wife crawled into bed with me and told me she'd do anything for a new cashmere sweater," the guy says. "So I asked, 'Anything?' nudge nudge wink wink, and she replied "ANYTHING!'" "Wow!" the bartender replies. "What did you do?" "I told her to...

what do you call a paraplegic child that just learned tae kwon do

partial arts

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Willie's Buds

A group of guys live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One transfers to another city and they're lost without him.

A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join...

Life is like the ocean

In the years before World War II, in a little Polish village, a learned rabbi used to teach his students, “Life is like the ocean.” And they would nod and respond, “Yes, life is like the ocean.” One young student was particularly taken with this philosophy, and he carried it with him through the lon...

Once there was a young boy, around 8 years old, who lived in a village at the bottom of a hill. On top of the hill was a temple where monks lived.

One day, he heard a strange sound coming from the top of the hill. Curious, he walks up the hill and knocks on the giant doors at the front of the temple. The head monk answers the door and asks what he can do for the kid. However, when the kid asks what the sound was, he simply replies, “I can’t te...

Seven wise men, with knowledge so fine, made something special of their design.

The first was a butcher, all full of wit. With some meat and a knife, he made a small slit.

The second, a blacksmith, quite strong and quite bold, hit the slit with a hammer and made a hole.

The third was a tailor, quite tall and quite thin. With a piece of red ribbon, he lined it with...

I would assume spiders adapt pretty quickly to online learning.

After all, they are already comfortable on the web.

Today I learned about the Astley paradox!

If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up.

However, in doing so, he lets you down.

Thus creating the Astley Paradox.

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A college freshman is moving into his dorm room.

His father is helping him move in when they meet his new roommate.

His new roommate, with a heavy Southern accent, is very friendly: with a big smile he asks,

"Where y'all from?"

The freshman and his dad sneer at him, and the freshman says,

"We are from a place where we d...

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A stockbroker walks past a kid selling lemonade

“Hey mister, ya want some lemonade?”

The stockbroker is just getting out of his brand new BMW in a nice tailored suit. He was about to walk past when he a double take at the sign that says “Lemonade $50”.


“Your sign is wrong kid. I think you mean fifty cents.”

The little gi...

So, this dairy farmer takes his son out to learn about milking for the first time.

After he shows how to pull on the udders and fill the bucket, he says, "Now son, we have to dip your head in the milk to make it safe to drink."
The boy is confused and asks, "You've gotta dunk my whole head in the milk to be safe, Pa?"
The dairy farmer says, "No, son, no..."

"Just past...

If you want to learn constellations, you should learn how to identify Ursa Minor...

- at a bear minimum

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head ofhuman resources.

Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. Itread, "Jonathan Peters worked for our compan...

A young man wanted to learn an instrument, so he bought himself a bass guitar.

Not knowing where to begin, he decides to take music lessons. After some searching he finds an old bassist who is offering beginner classes at a reasonable rate. He calls the man and they schedule a meeting for the next evening.

The young man leaves work the next day and heads to the lesson. ...

A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...

...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.

"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn...

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If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...



This is an old joke and sadly some of this has come to pass.



If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology li...

A New Yorker Was Teaching A Midwesterner How To Ski

A Midwesterner is on vacation in the Poconos. Over there, he decides to take up downhill skiing. He's done a lot of cross country skiing, but he's never skied downhill, since there are no mountains over in Fargo. Fargo's flatter than a pancake.

He decided to try downhill skiing. "How hahr...

Alcohol.

Alcohol is not in my "Vodkabulary."

However, I looked it up on "Whiskeypedia."

And learned if you drink too much of it,

it's likely "Tequilya."

A French man and a German sit at a bar

The French man says to the German, “In France, we have fun by going to the park, eating bread with cheese, and mocking tourists. What is it that you Germans do for fun?” The German replied, “In Germany we ride the autobahn, visit historical sites, and learn about the world.” “Pah!”, the French man s...

I attended an online class to learn how to be a pirate.....

Actually it was sort of a webinAHRRRR

A man goes to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he's been hearing strange buzzing noises all week. The sounds come and go at all times of day, but they have been most intense at night. Sometimes there are multiple distinct buzzes at a time, at different frequencies. The patient says he has hardly slept for the past week becaus...

When I was a teenager, I had to learn how to drive a stick.

We couldn't afford a car.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I'm groping the balls of the storm."

The manager hesitated for a moment on the phone. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" he asked the newly hired immigrant worker.

"I...rub the storm...balls?" the man said, coughing.

Before he could ask again, the manager heard a little commotion on the line, followed by a younger voice. <...

I just learned that ‘amused’ and ‘bemused’ don’t mean the same thing.

At first I laughed, but now I don’t know what to think!

I want to learn more about suicide..

But I’m having trouble finding a jumping off point.

What did the dog say to console his owner upon learning that his wife left him?

"Sorry buddy, that's

...RUFF!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One of the guys said he was going to bug him.

He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a real tosser.”

“Oh really, hmm, didn't know that.”

Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a tosser and he didn't care!"

"You just don't ...

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