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Reason Jokes

My girlfriend was devastated when she found out the reason why my nickname is “The Love Machine”.

It’s because I’m terrible at tennis.

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The reason why I only date black girls

is because I don't like meeting dads.

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I clean my dick for the same reason I polish my trophies:

I want them to look good even though they serve absolutely no purpose.

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves, is that, they don't speak the same language.

For instance, take the simple phrase - Secure the building.

The Army would post guards around the place.

The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines would kill everyone inside and set up headquarters.

The Air Force would take out a five year lease ...

Good reason for a divorce?

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

‟On what grounds?”

‟Grounds? We have a couple of acres outside the town, but it does have a big lawn and some fruit trees so it's not like empty ground."

‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?”

‟Yes, ...

The only reason there are pyramids in Egypt

is because they are too heavy to be carried to the British Museum

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened,

and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for free?" He says yes, and forgives her. "And the second time, do you remember when our boy got a DUI, and the judge let him off with probation?" He says ye...

When I was little, a strange man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason!

So I've worked all my life to invent a time machine of my own, and I'm going back to when he was little and we'll see how he likes the taste of his own medicine.

China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons.

One soldier says with tears in his eyes “but but my daughter made it for me”.

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just
swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the ...

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I think there is a reason I can’t find my girlfriends Clitoris

But I just can’t put my finger on it.

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3 reasons Jesus was actually Irish

1. He went out drinking with his buddies the night before he died.
2. He thought his mother was a virgin.
3. His mother thought he was God.

2 reasons I don't give money to homeless people

1. They would spend it on alcohol.
2. I want to spend it on alcohol.

The reason that aliens have never visited us is because

The reason that aliens have never visited us is because our solar system has received terrible reviews.
.
.

We only have one star.

There's no reason to be tailgating me when I'm doing 50 in a 35...

...and those flashing lights on your car look stupid.

Right before surgery the surgeon says: "Relax, Jim. It's just a small scalpel incision. No reason to panic."

The patient replies: "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim." The surgeon says: "I know. I'm Jim."

The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, .

but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it

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If your asshole hurts and doctors are unable to identify the reason, you definitely need...

An Analyst.

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."

I replied, "That's 15 love."

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11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

Cheating for "Good" Reasons

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "We...

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

Just remember you are someone's reason to smile.

Because you're a joke.

Two reasons I don't drink toilet water.

No.1
No.2

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The reason people sweat

is so they won't catch fire when having sex.

Two reasons why it’s hard to solve a Redneck murder

1. The DNA all matches
2. There are no dental records

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy.

The boy replies, “I’m an orphan, your honor.”

The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit Coronavirus, and there is no reason to quarantine dogs anymore.

W.H.O. let the dogs out.

The Defense pleads 'Not Guilty by reason of insanity' and loses

They go to appeal and plead 'not guilty by reason of insanity' again, expecting a different result.

They win the appeal.

Why are audiologists known to be reasonable?

They have sound judgement

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse:

You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

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I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:........

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My wo...

What was the most common reason ancient Egyptians would cry?

They missed their mummies.

The history and reasons why France switched to the metric system is very interesting

But to make a long story short, it was Napoleon.

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For some reason I always cry during sex.

I'm starting to think it might be the pepper spray.

The reason why Santa is so jolly

...is he knows where all the bad girls live.

A reasonable woman

A man eats with his wife in a fine restaurant. A strange woman comes to the table, kisses the man, and says, "See you in the evening, darling," and walks away. The woman stares at the man and asks, "Who the hell was that?" "Yeah, that's," replies the man, "well, that's my girlfriend." “Oh, is that s...

The real reason women don't like guys under 6 feet.

Dead people really struggle to hold a conversation.

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A Great Classic is a classics for a reason.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?
…
…
Because 7 ate 9!

Why does 10 suffer from PTSD?
…
…
Because the poor son of a bitch was right in the middle of 9/11.

Reasons why I like to see women from the back

They're pretty straightforward

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Common reasons why people lie

- To avoid getting hurt
- To avoid hurting others
- To avoid reading the fucking Terms & Conditions

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason…

… now I have a reason.

What's the main reason for divorce?

Marriage.

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Reasonable Doubt

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.

In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for ...

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Went to the doctor and he told me I have to stop masturbating. I asked him the reason why.

He said, "because I'm trying to examine you!"

The real reason why some people think the world is flat

The oceans are uncarbonated.

YSK - The number one reason house plants die is OVER watering.

The number two reason is under watering.

The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons...

I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.

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Therapist: "So, what do you think is the reason for you to have problems socializing?"

Me: "Well, that's for YOU to find out, you stupid cunt!"

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The Ikea saleslady wants to have sex with me for some reason

All I wanted was one nightstand

What could be the reason for separating male and female chess championships?

In case they mate

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"It's impossible" said Pride. "It's risky" said Experience. "It's pointless" said Reason. "Give it a try" whispered Heart. (NSFW)

"What the hell is that!" screamed the anus.

Sometines I talk to myself for no reason....

Me too!!

My wife said: “You never call me for no reason.

I said, “You’re welcome!”

My wife suddenly started wearing a chastity belt for reasons unknown

I can't quite put my finger in it

Perfect reason

Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?

Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.

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There is a reason why I (20m) would like to not die a virgin

I would hate to be part of a jihadists heaven

A possible reason for the facebook outage

Bruno Fernandes' penalty had hit the satellite

The real reason Jack and Rose separated at the end...

Jack got cold feet.

Reasons the idiot couldn't kill himself.

He couldn't find the tailpipe on his Tesla.

He jumped in front of a model train.

The bullets wouldn't fit in the squirt gun.

He overdosed on placebo pills.

He jumped off a low bridge.

He stuck a plastic fork in an outlet.

He doused himself in diesel and trie...

There is a reason Donald Trump thinks he is the Second Coming.

Every time he says something he hears "Jesus Christ..."

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Ever since having my baby daughter, she's become the only reason I get out of bed

16 times every fucking night.

The reason the bank account of I, a trans person, is empty.

Every action I make is a transaction.

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Girl: “Forgive me Father for I have sinned”

Priest: “What did you do dear?”

Woman: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”

Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”

Woman: “Because he touched my hand.”

Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)

Woman: “Yes father.”

Priest: “That’s no reason to ca...

The Reason Batman Does Not Cover His Whole Face is

Because He Needs The Police to Know That He Is White.

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The reason why I am getting a divorce..

On my birthday, my wife didn't acknowledge my birthday, my son didn't acknowledge my birthday, my coworkers didn't acknowledge my birthday.

When my manager called me in, she said happy birthday. I said oh! Thanks!

Then she said, wanna get some lunch? And i was like, ok....

Then ...

The reason women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees

The man will start unzipping

What's the number one reason for requesting a medical marijuana card?

"I need it for my joints!"

What is the reason for divorce?

Judge: "What is the reason for divorce?"

Applicant: "I found out that he was the owner of the apartment we used to rent for 2 years?"

The reason men aren't allowed to run advice in "Love Columns" in magazines and newspapers..

Anonymous:
Hi! I'm a lady aged 26 married with one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work. I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home. I drove for just about two miles from home and my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back to get another ca...

There's just one reason the car from the Dukes of Hazzard isn't as good as the car from Knight Rider...

General Lee speaking

The reason women are responsible for more accidents at intersections....

must be because they don't have as much experience pulling out as men do.

(OC I think? Thought it up when a woman pulled out right in front of me today, and then had a stupid "what did I do wrong" look on her face when I honked at her for it.)

My friend who died last week left a note stating that his girlfriend was the reason for his suicide.

It was the only time in the last 3 years that they were both on the same page.

Theres a reason it's called a blunt

you don't feel as sharp after it

The reason no one likes my story about a broken pencil:

It's pointless.

“Some people ask ‘why’ to determine a motive, I ask ‘why’ because I don’t believe there’s any logical reason to do anything.”

-Nietzsche on the habits of road crossing chickens

Mario recently broke up with Peach. His reason:

"It's not a-you, It's a-me, Mario."

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