A cop sees a car driving slowly and wiggly, changing lanes for no reason and so on

He pulls the car over, a man and a woman sit in it.

Cop: "I had to pull you over, you can't drive like that!"

Man: "I'm sorry, I've drank a little bit to much..."

Cop: "That's not an excuse to let your wife drive!"

2 reasons I don't give money to homeless people:

1. They would spend it on alcohol.

2. I want to spend it on alcohol.

Two reasons why it’s hard to solve a Redneck murder

1. The DNA all matches
2. There are no dental records

There's no reason to tailgate me when I'm doing 160

and those flashing lights on your car look ridiculous

The only reason Avengers Endgame broke all those box office records

Is because Doctor Strange watched it 14.000.605 times

There are two main reasons I don’t let my girlfriend use my PlayStation.

1) I don’t have a PlayStation.

2) I don’t have a girlfriend.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My family is the only reason I keep living

I don't want to give those fuckers the satisfaction of my suicide.

My mom, for some reason, thinks leafy vegetables are bad.

I say, lettuce eat them.

My grandads old place has this old fence that for some reason seems to be impossible to remove. Tonight I'm going to try explosives

Edit: Wow I didnt expect this post to blow up as much as it did!

I remember when I was a little boy, an old man suddenly stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.

So I've spent all my life working on a time machine, and now that I've built it, I'm going back in time to when he was a little boy, and I'm going to punch him and see how he likes it!

I used to know an Italian chef.

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation....

Everyday my wife gets mad at me for no reason when I wake up. Tonight I’m going to change this.

“Why are you on my side of the bed?!” She said

“We are switching places tonight.” I replied

“Why?!”

“Because every morning you seem to wake up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason

Me too

Always remember that you're someone's reason to smile

Because you're a joke

What is a good reason to live in Kansas?

Family.

There's a reason they call it "March Madness".

A Duke fan, a Kentucky fan, and a Tennessee fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most.

The Tennessee fan insists that he is the most loyal and then yells “This is for the Vols!” and jumps off the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the UK fan next professes h...

Do you want to know the real reason I can’t be part of a threesome?

I can only handle disappointing one person at a time.

I left my wife for the same reason I left Netflix...

Too many period dramas.

Do you know the real reason Bigfoot is so good at hiding?

...he owes Chuck Norris money

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Ikea saleslady wants to have sex with me for some reason

All I wanted was one nightstand

There's just one reason the car from the Dukes of Hazzard isn't as good as the car from Knight Rider...

General Lee speaking

The real reason women will never be the ones to propose

As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.

For some reason, all my friends think I'm too patronizing

That means they think I talk to people like they're stupid.

What are the 5 worst reasons to be an egg?

You only get laid once, you only get hard once, you only get eaten once, the only person to sit on your face is your mom, and you come in a box with 11 other guys.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

“It’s impossible,” said pride. “It’s risky,” said experience. “It’s pointless,”said reason. “Give it a try,” said the heart,

"You're full of shit" said the bowels.

I have 2 reasons why I can't work in construction

When I'm sober I blame my back, when I'm not I blame my BAC

Reasons I'm looking forward to Valentine's Day this year

1. It's pay day

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My sibling is constantly getting boners for no reason

I should probably go tell her to see a doctor

I left my ex for the same reason I was with her for so long.

She sucked.

The true reason why there's no Windows 9

7 8 9

You know one the main reasons Jeffrey Dahmer got caught was because his freezer stopped working and the smell became so bad the neighbors were complaining.

The cops came to his door and said "We heard you were keeping a bunch of spoiled brats in here"

Why would someone need a Death Star?

For Alderaan reasons.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

For some reason I always get a huge boner on the school bus

Does any other bus driver have this problem?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Men look at boobs for the same reason a little kid looks at puppies in a cage.

We both just want to set them free and play with them.

A Mexican gang member stole a train for some crazy reason...

Police still don't know anything besides the fact that he has a loco motive.

The real reason not all Costco’s sell ice...

they don’t want to refund every person with a cup of water.

The only reason why humans start wars

is because we have time to kill

Today of all days, don’t forget the reason for the season...

...the axial tilt of the Earth relative to the sun.

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

What is the real reason behind Bezos's divorce?

Cause marriage counts as a union.

Lazy people find the most strangest reasons not to do something.

I would make a list but, it's Monday and I just fed the cats.

The reason that men can read maps better than women...

They intuitively understand that one inch equals a mile

I live for two reasons:

1. I was born.

2. I haven’t died yet.

Right before surgery the surgeon says: "Relax, Jim. It's just a small scalpel incision. No reason to panic."

The patient replies: "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim." The surgeon says: "I know. I'm Jim."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason.

No, this does not mean that I am obligated to show you my breasts to prove their existence

My friend who died last week left a note stating that his girlfriend was the reason for his suicide.

It was the only time in the last 3 years that they were both on the same page.

Went to church for the first time in a long time, for some reason the priest doesn’t look at me like he did when I was younger

Wait

My wife divorced me for religious reasons.

She worshipped money and I don't have any.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy calls his boss to tell him he cannot go to work for personal reasons.

His boss responds, "Every time I feel down, I have sex with my wife. It always makes me feel better. You should try it too.

Two hours later, the employee responds, "you are right! I feel much better. I'll be in soon. I never realized how far of a commute you have every day!"

I know there's a reason why I cut my hands off.

I just can't put my finger on it right now.

[TIL] The scientific reason Canadian geese flight pattern is always more geese on one side.

Geese can't count

There is one reason I’m not into comic books

There are too many issues in the industry

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If you pay money to scammers who email you to say they have video of you masturbating to porn, it will be for one of two reasons:

Either they saw you coming, or they saw you coming.

"I looked up into the sky and matched each star with a reason why I love you."

"That's so sweet."

"Not particularly. It was daytime."

I didn't become a comedian for the same reason I didn't become a midwife...

I always murder the delivery.

The reason Jesus hasn’t returned yet

Is because his people are actually worshipping the instrument of his death.

The real reason I stopped smoking with Latinos.

The other day I asked this dude if he had some papers, he didn't say a word and just took off down the street as fast as he could. Some people are so damn stingy man.

Spotify won't let me listen to any Hungarian composers for some reason

I feel so lisztless

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason...

The details are sketchy

My ex and I broke up for religious reasons.

She thought she was God and I disagreed

The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, .

but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it

Issac Newton is the reason i'm tired in the morning...

...since an object at rest tends to stay at rest.

Also, because it's too damn early this think about physics.

We were discussing the races and dwarvs are my favorite. The reason?

They always appear to be down to earth.

What is the main reason for divorce?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Marriage

I can think of two good reasons to wear diapers

Number one and number two.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Give me two good reasons

Today, all schools reopened after a long summer vacation.

In one home in our neighbourhood, early this morning, a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up, “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.”

SON : “Awww Mom! I don’t want to go to school.”
MOM : “Give me two good reas...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The reason the nazis never conquered Brazil

Because they all knew jew jitsu

There are many already outstanding reasons not to leave one's automated cloning machine out in the forest...

...but the obvious bears repeating.

What is the reason that nuns don't wear a bra?

Because God supports all of them.

There is no reason to make fun of PMS.

Period.

You know how cats always swat at each other for seemingly no reason? Turns out it's in their DNA.

I'm sure somewhere in their genome it reads CAT TAG

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The reason why I only date black girls

is because I don't like meeting dads.

What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics?

So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.

Jack the Ripper's reasons for killing hookers was pretty understandable.

They wouldn't accept him into their ranks as Jack the Stripper.

The reason women are responsible for more accidents at intersections....

must be because they don't have as much experience pulling out as men do.

(OC I think? Thought it up when a woman pulled out right in front of me today, and then had a stupid "what did I do wrong" look on her face when I honked at her for it.)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Ever since having my baby daughter, she's become the only reason I get out of bed

16 times every fucking night.

The reason why Santa is so jolly

...is he knows where all the bad girls live.

Why did some parents let their 10-month-old die after "refusing to get help for religious reasons"?

A devout man is treading water in the ocean after his boat has capsized. He is managing to stay afloat by clinging to a small segment of his broken vessel when a lone fisherman draws near and offers him a line. The man in the water refuses, saying, "I do not need your assistance. The Lord will save ...

The reason girls don't like guys under 6 feet

It's hard to have a conversation with dead people.

10 reasons why men are lazy

10 reasons why men are lazy:

1)

There are ten reasons I hate clickbait...

Number 7 will shock you!

Cavemen had a specific reason for dragging their women by the hair...

...they filled up with dirt when drug the other way.

Brits have more reason than most to celebrate 4th of July

Surely 242 years of officially being separated from America is something to be happy about

I hate it when geologists explain the reasons behind earthquakes.

All that stupid faulty logic.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid sex

"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

For some reason...

I find myself becoming extremely religious right around finals week.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I quit watching porn for the same reason people go vegan.

I don't like it when animals get hurt.

The reason I can't lose weight is

...I hate losing.