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Locate Jokes

Why are the pyramids located in Egypt?

They were too big to transport to England.

Scientists finally located the gene that causes shyness

It was hiding behind two other genes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is the vagina located so close to the anus?

Because it was designed by city council. Who else would put a play area so close to a dumping ground?

Jay-Z is Unable to Locate His Mobile Phone.

He says "Beyonce, have you seen my phone anywhere?"

She says "Did you try call it?"

He says "Yeah but it's on silent."

She says "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it."

I misplaced something at the office. A nice man in a turban helped me locate it. I guess it's true what they say.

Sikh and you shall find.

(edit: same man teased me about the pronunciation. It was good natured, but it was still a Sikh burn)

(also a comma)

According to a survey 64% of Americans couldn't locate Ukraine on a world map.

The other 36% said, "What's a world map?"

i always manage to locate the best chickpeas, wherever i go...

my friends often tell me ive a great sense of hummus.

What do you call a building you can't locate?

A warehouse

Whats the best gadget to locate furniture in the dark?

Your pinkie toe.

What kind of neighborhood was Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks located in?

A gaited community.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What directions did the Allies need to locate and defeat the Nazis?

Simple. They just took the third reicht...

why are pyramids located in egypt?

they were too heavy for british people to steal and put in british museums

When I visit the ocean, I can never locate any dolphins.

I guess I've lost my sense of porpoise.

Where is the HQ of Dracula located?

Vampire state building

What do you call a small, Muslim house of worship located in Mexico?

A mosquito.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.

As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.

Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"

The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the only animal that has their asshole located on their back?

A police horse.

I don’t care where states are located

If Oklahoma was right next to Maine that would be ok by me.

(True story) So my mother misplaced her prized red mixing bowl for cooking Christmas dinner with (despite having several other mixing bowls to utilize instead). She became increasingly panicked when she couldn't locate it, asking out loud repeatedly: "Where's my red bowl??"

So I responded: "Why do you need that particular one? Does it give you wings??"

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt, and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

“I’d like some raisin bread please,” the man says.

The clerk nods and climbs up a la...

You ever heard of the ocean located at 5.694647° S, 136.987557° W?

I like to call it the specific ocean.

Shoulder came out of my socket while locating for a lost blunt...

Call that a Dislocated joint

Where are the Super Duper Missile Project offices located?

Right next door to the The Ministry of Silly Walks of course.

Where was king Solomon's temple located?

On his head.

Where is Macau located?

In MaFarm

Where's the brain located?

A reporter conducts a series of interviews on three teenagers to determine how intelligent the youth of today is. He starts his first interview. "Can you locate your brain?" The teenager points at his elbow and says "Here." The reporter says "Wrong!' and dismisses him.

He starts his second in...

My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...

he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.

We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.

Nobody expected the Spanish...

Why are all the world's best mathematicians located in Brooklyn.

Because Nobody does Pie like New York.

Where is the bathroom for I.T people located?

At the I pee address.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are wonka's a good name for testicles?

Because they're located in between a Willy and a chocolate factory

I am buying my coffin from a company located in Ireland.

I wonder if they accept crypt o'currency?

Police are reporting that they have just located a truck of stollen goods

Though they are not hopeful that anyone will come forward to claim the German fruitcake.

I tried to invent the first watch that was located on your belt buckle

It was a waist of time

The Dyslexia Research Trust in UK is located in a town called

Reading

Why is the men's room always located to the left?

Because women are always right.

Did you hear about the delivery driver for the local bakery that had 6 extra eyes located all around his head?

He's seen some weird things man but this guy takes the cake.

Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand:

Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the “right sock,” no matter where it is located in the universe.

A plane is sitting at the terminal and is supposed to leave shortly

Departure seems to be taking ages, and the passengers are growing restless. Eventually a staff member says on the PA system:

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay to your journey today. During preflight checks the pilot wasn't happy with the noise coming from the left engine, so w...

Fortunately her pa is rich

"So you think your daughter has exceptional talent?"

"There's no doubt of it," replied the fond mother, "although we can't exactly locate it. The music teacher says it's for painting and the art teacher says it's for music."

A guy is playing golf with his wife...

They're on the 12th hole and the guy slices his tee shot right into the woods. He trudges into the woods, and locates his ball. it's in a little clearing, but there is a big barn between him and the green.

He takes a good look, and says, "Listen, honey, I think if you hold the barn door ope...

A missing Chinese pyromaniac has been located hiding out at a Roman Catholic monastery.

He was found praying with friars.

The zookeeper said he'd tell me where the bathroom is located if I can say the alphabet.

"A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z"

He asks: "where's the D?"

"It's out for Harambe"

Ending It All

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the ex...

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