The 38+ Best Locate Jokes

Why are the pyramids located in Egypt?

They were too big to transport to England.

I misplaced something at the office. A nice man in a turban helped me locate it. I guess it's true what they say.

Sikh and you shall find.

(edit: same man teased me about the pronunciation. It was good natured, but it was still a Sikh burn)

(also a comma)

(True story) So my mother misplaced her prized red mixing bowl for cooking Christmas dinner with (despite having several other mixing bowls to utilize instead). She became increasingly panicked when she couldn't locate it, asking out loud repeatedly: "Where's my red bowl??"

So I responded: "Why do you need that particular one? Does it give you wings??"

Scientists finally located the gene that causes shyness

It was hiding behind two other genes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is the vagina located so close to the anus?

Because it was designed by city council. Who else would put a play area so close to a dumping ground?

According to a survey 64% of Americans couldn't locate Ukraine on a world map.

The other 36% said, "What's a world map?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.

As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.

Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"

The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can...

What kind of neighborhood was Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks located in?

A gaited community.

Jay-Z is Unable to Locate His Mobile Phone.

He says "Beyonce, have you seen my phone anywhere?"

She says "Did you try call it?"

He says "Yeah but it's on silent."

She says "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What directions did the Allies need to locate and defeat the Nazis?

Simple. They just took the third reicht...

Whats the best gadget to locate furniture in the dark?

Your pinkie toe.

What do you call a building you can't locate?

A warehouse

My old job was drilling holes to locate water

It was well boring!

When I visit the ocean, I can never locate any dolphins.

I guess I've lost my sense of porpoise.

What do you call a small, Muslim house of worship located in Mexico?

A mosquito.

why are pyramids located in egypt?

they were too heavy for british people to steal and put in british museums

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the only animal that has their asshole located on their back?

A police horse.

Where is the HQ of Dracula located?

Vampire state building

You ever heard of the ocean located at 5.694647° S, 136.987557° W?

I like to call it the specific ocean.

Shoulder came out of my socket while locating for a lost blunt...

Call that a Dislocated joint

I don’t care where states are located

If Oklahoma was right next to Maine that would be ok by me.

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827."

Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the prev...

My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...

he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.

We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.

Nobody expected the Spanish...

Why is it that a watch is located on your wrist and not your belt?

Because if it was on your belt, it would be a waist of time

Police are reporting that they have just located a truck of stollen goods

Though they are not hopeful that anyone will come forward to claim the German fruitcake.

Where was king Solomon's temple located?

On his head.

Why are all the world's best mathematicians located in Brooklyn.

Because Nobody does Pie like New York.

I am buying my coffin from a company located in Ireland.

I wonder if they accept crypt o'currency?

Where is the bathroom for I.T people located?

At the I pee address.

The Dyslexia Research Trust in UK is located in a town called

Reading

The zookeeper said he'd tell me where the bathroom is located if I can say the alphabet.

"A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z"

He asks: "where's the D?"

"It's out for Harambe"

Where is Macau located?

In MaFarm

Where's the brain located?

A reporter conducts a series of interviews on three teenagers to determine how intelligent the youth of today is. He starts his first interview. "Can you locate your brain?" The teenager points at his elbow and says "Here." The reporter says "Wrong!' and dismisses him.

He starts his second in...

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brillia...

Why is the men's room always located to the left?

Because women are always right.

A missing Chinese pyromaniac has been located hiding out at a Roman Catholic monastery.

He was found praying with friars.

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. Being a good shot, no one could argue with him.

But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole, he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal.

He said that he was willing to prove it if they would pay for the drinks a...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.