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Comprehend Jokes

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A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The horse, unable to comprehend the human language, shits on the floor and leaves.

Army soldiers can't comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement.

But everyone in the Navy can fathom it.

I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid.

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.

"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"

The doctor strolled i...

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I cant comprehend constipation

That shit is too deep

How do you get a stoner to comprehend what you're saying?

Put it bluntly.

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What did H.P. Lovecraft say when he saw your penis ?

He was able to fully and clearly comprehend it, understand it and describe it.

Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....

Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.

Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.

Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend...

An amateur physicist was sucked into a black hole

Apparently, he didn't comprehend the gravity of the situation.

Two ants were walking down a road, side by side.

One ant says to the other, "You know, despite how incredibly successful our species is, our tiny brains are nowhere near having the capability to comprehend language like humans do."

The other replies, "Yeah, I really wish people would stop anthropomorphizing us in their jokes."

UK /r/jokesters, tell me the most British joke you can think of.

The less my American brain can comprehend it, the better!

Poem

I'm gonna take a moment, so sit and reflect.

Gonna sit here and jot down, before I forget.

Take a second to think of all the things I've felt

My feelings are such a crazy thing to examine

Horse man, got a long a face

To look at the steps that can't be traced
...

Some people tell me I have a superiority complex.

But it's actually pretty simple. They're just too dumb to comprehend it.

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A horse walks into a bar...

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "why the long face?". Now, the horse does not respond, because it is a horse. It does not understand English nor comprehend the man's shitty joke. Confused by its surroundings, the horse darts out of the bar knocking over a few tables.

Tony, a man of criminal reputation, goes to a confession.

Tony, a man of criminal reputation, goes to a confession and tells the priest a couple of mild sins.

"Is that all?" asks the priest, surprised.

"Yes, that's it. There are no more sins."

"And who steals apples from my garden?" asks the priest.

"Father, the acoustics in her...

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One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug.” The daughter look...

Diogenes' thug Life

Plato was discoursing on his theory of ideas and, pointing to the cups on the table before him, said while there are many cups in the world, there is only one `idea’ of a cup, and this cupness precedes the existence of all particular cups. 


“I can see the cups on the table,” said Diogenes...

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I know everyone is tired of the negativity with all the recent events...

I'm negative too. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I just can't comprehend how this guy is so successful. How did he win? And to be on the biggest stage in the world now. It doesn't make sense. No one ever thought he was a real contender, but here he is.

With all the scandal, how people think his ...

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Lizard is walking through the forest...

and he comes up to a large tree along the path. He looks up in the tree and sees Koala sitting on a branch smoking a joint.

"Heyoo Koala, do you mind if I climb up and try some?" Lizard asks.

"Not at all Lizard, my dude, come on up!" Koala wheezed while exhaling a ripe puff.

Liz...

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The poor little monkey...

Three scientists were discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant's butt and force fed it for 2 weeks.
Because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend, they decided to have a go.
A week in, they began to realize WHY the idea had never ...

A stressed out businessman decides to have a drink on his lunch break to relax...[LONG]

And he finds this hole-in-the-wall-bar. Besides the bartender who is steadily washing glasses behind the end of the bar, he is the only one in there.

He sits at the end of the bar nearest the entrance and orders a whiskey double. The bartender says, "Here you go, pally. If you need anyth...

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The local hot shot had never lost a drag race.

He had a souped up little dragster he pieced together himself. It was an old Honda, sure, but this guy had tuned it to perfection. Not only that, he'd squeezed every ounce of horsepower out of it possible: straight pipes, turbo, the works.

There's a straightaway on a back road where all the l...

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Awkward Dinner Party

A young child was enjoying a cool drink in his room when he heard noises coming from his parents room. He proceeded to the room, wherein he found his parents arguing. His father called his mother a bitch and his mother called his father a bastard. Later on that day he asked his mother, "mummy what d...

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