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(NSFW) I have a sexual fetish for intellectual breakthroughs

I struggled for a while, but then I came to a realization

Breakthrough in therapy

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. When I asked him a question, he said, 'No hablo ingles.'

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My therapist and I had a breakthrough yesterday,

Now he can hear the voices too!

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I made a huge breakthrough in toilet paper technology this morning

So now I have to wash the crap off my fingers

I had a major breakthrough today..

I have to start buying better toilet paper

BREAKING: North Korea announces breakthrough 100% effective COVID-19 treatment

Sources report the new treatment involves injecting a bullet into the forehead of people infected with the virus.

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Born without a Torso

A young couple goes through the heartbreak of giving birth to a baby who has no torso--the poor lad is just a head. Still, they are good parents and raise him with love, hoping for a breakthrough from medical science. Then, just before the boy's fifth birthday, the parents get a call from their doct...

I had a breakthrough today and got in touch with my inner self.

That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.

Scientists have announced a breakthrough: a Plant that eliminates Coronavirus in 100% of all cases!

It's called Plant-your-ass-in-your-chair and stay the F home.

A geneticist makes a breakthrough, enabling him to create a cross-breed of any two living organisms

He sets up his own lab and hires an intern to help him out. After explaining to the intern what the technology is capable of the intern is amazed and asks: "So you can really create a cross between ANY two living beings?"


The geneticist replies, "Yes, but I advise you to exercise cautio...

Breakthrough vaccine for the virus has been found

....eat two cloves of garlic every day. It’s useless, doesn’t kill the virus, but keeps everyone who can transmit it to you... a safe distance away!

The Teacher instructed her class to create a sentence with the words; defense, defeat and detail.

Little Lisa, who was normally a very quiet and reclusive child immediately jumped and waved her hand excitedly. Thinking a breakthrough was imminent, she picked Lisa first. Lisa recited; The cat jumped over defense. Defeat went first, detail went last.

A scientist has made the greatest breakthrough in human history by discovering how to time travel...

..and after global fame and months of planning how to communicate, how to introduce his people and what to bring he and his assistant time travel back to Ancient Egypt as an ambassador to a famous queen. His visit is able to be broadcasted live to the present in front of billions and Egyptians from ...

What did the Urologist shout when she made a medical breakthrough?

URETHRA!!!

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

My PhD student claims to have made a breakthrough in hyperbolic mathematics

Turns out he was just exaggerating

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The Apple iBoob

Apple announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size, this is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men s...

It's a medical breakthrough!

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut out a man's liver put it into another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took a part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for wo...

I just had a huge psychological breakthrough. I think I finally understand why I'm an alcoholic.

Let's celebrate! Drinks are on me!

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Wife is in a coma

Steve's wife falls in to a coma and after 2 years, he gets called in that there maybe a breakthrough.

At the hospital a nurse informs him that while giving her a sponge bath and reaching certain area there was new brain activity that started. The doctor then tell Steve if he was willing perha...

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The Human Genome Project had a breakthrough and isolated the genes that make someone homosexual.

They are skinny genes.

The one about the mental patients and the baseball game

There once was a doctor at a mental hospital, who had to take care of the craziest and most mentally unstable patients in the hospital, which they called the "nuts." The doctor, along with his assistant, would soon get through a breakthrough by giving them simple orders and addressing them as "nuts....

A scientist goes to a bar

He tells the barkeeper, give me 20 beers! It's for research! I want to see how many beers you need to take to get drunk!

The barkeeper gives him 20 beers, and the scientist finishes it in no time. He asks for 10 more.

Again, he drinks all beers in a few minutes. And asks for 5 more. An...

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The Broken Grandfather Clock

A man once owned a beautiful grandfather clock (well, he probably still does, but let's put that aside for now). Now, when I saw the grandfather clock was beautiful, I mean absolutely gorgeous. The clock stood nearly 6 feet tall, made from the most splendid mahogany wood, accompanied by intricate ha...

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

battering rams...

were a real breakthrough at the time

An Indian scientist was collaborating with an American called Robert

Both of them being genetic researchers, they had reached a breakthrough in rice where a gene introduced would help it grow in the most adverse of conditions. They called it Victory gene, or V gene for short.

But Robert decided to steal the credit for himself, so he stole the v gene, and escap...

So my brother works at a research facility. His employer only stocks the bathrooms with single ply toilet paper.

They say it leads to the most breakthroughs

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Joe, Harley & Vaseline

Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle.
He doesn't have much breakthrough, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on it.

The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
It's shiny and in mint condition.

He buys it and asks the seller ho...

What do you call it when an ambulance crashes into the side of a hospital?

A medical breakthrough...

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel.

One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching.

Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders a...

My dad told me this a couple of days back: Three professors walk into a seaside bar.

The first, a maths professor, wishes to make a name for himself and says to the other two, "I'm gonna figure out the depth of the sea."

Saying that, he walks out. The physics professor, unwilling to be outshined, proclaims "Well I'll find out what the density of the sea actually is and catch ...

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Modern Medicine

A man complained to his friend, "My elbow hurts. I better go to the doctor."

"Don't do that," volunteered his friend, "there's a new computer at the drugstore that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the co...

An avid bird watcher heard an owl hoot

So he thought he'd give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.

All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a ...

The difference between a crow and a raven.

A biologist was asked to finally determine whether crows and ravens are really two different birds. This has been a matter of some conjecture for quite some time. Given only a cursory glance, these birds appear to be one and the same. The biologist spent considerable time watching the birds in their...

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The old lady visits the doc with stomach problems...

An old lady in her 70s experiences some difficulty with her stomach and decides to visit the doctor. She tells the doctor that she thinks that she has the farts. The doctor frowns and subjects her to a full examination. After doing many tests, the doctor says, “Mam, congratulations, you are indeed p...

Space Bar and the Robot

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"

The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please."

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the...

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Two women are partners at a science laboratory

They both work together and create a breakthrough in modern science.
Their boyfriends receive this news while they are both at the bar together.
One boyfriend turns to the other and says,
"Dude, we're fuckin' geniuses."

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I decided to conduct a study on how to use as few sheets of toilet paper as possible when wiping your ass

Yesterday I had a breakthrough

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The real joke

A man was abducted one night by aliens. After the new broke out, US authorities began to contact the aliens using a breakthrough technology. The whole world had eyes on the US government to save the man. After much discussion between the two races, the US government actually pissed off the aliens th...

The Anti-Thieves Machine

Science is amazing. Some european scientists made a breakthrough and invented an Anti-Thieves Machine. It detects and catches the thieves in the streets of various cities through the world with an accuracy of 99,9%! Of course that various countries were interested. Germany got 2, France got 3, Greec...

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Apple iBoob

Given the recent slowdown in iPhone sales, Apple announced today that it will skip the wearables market and develop a line of digital implants for adults. The first product, shipping in the summer of 2016, is a breast enhancement device that can store and play music. The new Apple iBoobs, sold in pa...

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One of my all-time faves...

A woman was involved in a near-fatal car accident that rendered her comatose. For weeks she laid in her hospital bed, showing no signs of improvement. Her faithful husband visited her several times a day, never giving up hope.
One morning, a nurse was performing a sponge bath on her patient whe...

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