The 11+ Best Come Up Jokes

A Mexican is applying for citizenship

and for the final portion, the proctor says "okay, I need you to come up with an English sentence that contains the words 'green, pink and yellow'."

The man smiled and said "When the phone goes 'green green', I pink it up and say 'yellow'!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to see his doctor

The doctor, as per routine, asks, "What brings you in today?"

The guy sighs and says, "My penis is orange."

The doctor looks up from his chart, slightly confused and askes, "Is that a metaphor or...."

The guy stops him and says, "No, doctor. My dick is bright orange."

Eve...

A Man and A German Bartender were having a conversation?

They were conversing , until it come up at that the Man was Jewish.

"I am So sorry for the holocaust"

The Jewish Man didn't know what to respond so he"

"Oh umm , could I possibly get free beer?"

"I am not allowed to do that and my boss would get mad"

"I get it you'...

One day at church, a priest delivers a sermon about the importance of forgiving your enemies.

When he is a third of the way through the sermon, he says, "Raise your hand if you are now willing to forgive your enemies." Half of the people in the church raise their hands, so the priest continues the sermon.

When he is two thirds of the way through the sermon, he says, "Raise your hand i...

My doctor gave me three months to live

When I told him I wouldn't be able to come up with the money to pay the bill by then, he gave me three more.

What do you call a procrastinating comedian?

Uhh I don't know, I'll come up with the punch line later

Yeah I carry a gun on me at all times

You have to these days ... because you never know when some psychopath is gonna come up to you and say ...

..."you're fired."

\-Dave Attel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First joke I've written, would like some feedback please

There's this guy with a crush on a cashier at the grocery store so he asks her to go on a date and she says yes.

She's got a lot of piercings and while on the date the guy asks her what made her decide to get so many piercings.

She tells him, "when I'm disappointed with a part of my ...

A fisherman and his wife had two sons.

One son they named Home because he was always happier at home and the other they named Away because he was happier away from their house.

One day the fisherman and his sons went on a two-day fishing trip. They were gone for a week and the wife was sure they had perished. Suddenly, she saw her...

Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter.

He plans to buy it.

I tried to come up with a good joke about vampires but couldn’t.

They all suck.

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