I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing

This is as close as I could get

My fencing opponent stood shocked for a minute, then said to me "that was amazing, did you come up with that all by yourself?"

"No," I answered, "it was a riposte."

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Some people on this sub come up with crappy jokes and rely on the NSFW tag to make people curious...

I'm tired of clicking only to find that it's hardly even a fucking joke

Idk if someone has already posted this joke but... How does Spider-Man come up with such witty comebacks?

With great power comes great response-ability

It’s a little known fact that superstar actor Yul Brynner was a huge Liverpool F.C fan. He also refused to use aftershave as it made his skin come up in hives.....

Yul never wore cologne!

I can never come up with shower thoughts....

As soon as the water hits me, I feel the pressure.

I couldn’t come up with names so...

Person 1: Did you know that there’s a secret menu at that burger place?

Person 2: No, tell me about it.

Person 1: The most secret is a burger. This burger is so hardcore that it qualifies as breakfast, lunch and dinner for 7 people, for 7 years. And if you finish it in under an hour, t...

I've been spending a lot of time trying to come up with a way to wear my mask incorrectly.

I feel like the answer has been right under my nose this whole time.

(Edit: i actually think it would actually be worded better as "i finally found a way to wear my mask incorrectly")

Reporter: “Sir, did you mean to come up with the, now famous, ‘no pun in ten did’ joke?”

“Nope, unintended.”

(Apparently, I said this joke in my sleep, and don't recall ever hearing it before, so I may have come up with it in my sleep as well.) Did you hear the one about the professional hockey player who quit his job to become an accountant?

He wanted an off-ice job.

Trump: "America has the best curve in the world. It really is the greatest curve I've come up with. It is a beautiful curve." Fauci: "Mr. President, what are you doing?"

Trump: "What do you think, I'm flattering the curve."

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Doctors in New York have come up with a cocktail of drugs to treat symptoms in patients with Coronavirus..

They’re calling it The Manhattan.

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The day a guy come up to me and says 'Daniel I know you fucked my mom' I'm going to be very confused.

Not because he falsely accused me of fucking his mom, but because my name isn't Daniel.

I cannot believe no ones come up with a cure for anorexia yet.

I thought it would be a piece of cake!

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.'

I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?

Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.

(Credit to my cousin)

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should come up with a drug for erectile dysfunction....

And call it ElonGates!

Did I come up with this :P

So i tell all my friends this joke that isnt the funniest but I believe I came up with it by myself and I make sure I tell everyone I do. Am i wrong? haha.

anyway. Where is Yodas favourite place to drink?



Dagobah



Am I now a comedian or did I see this somewhere el...

I've come up with a new way to describe the condition of a painting ...

Its state of the art.

I've come up with some rules changes to make Settlers of Catan more realistic

Before you build a settlement, you have to murder and enslave all the natives that live on the island.

I was trying to come up with a good steak joke

but it was too difficult as they are a rare medium well done

My Mexican friend had twin boys and couldn't come up with names..

I suggested Juan and Two

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First joke I've ever come up with. So far nobody has laughed

I went to the opticians and they were telling me about revolutionary technology to allow us to see out of different parts such as our arms, nose and even our ass. Intrigued, I asked "when will this technology would be available?" The optician replied "arm and nose is coming in 2019, hindsight is 20...

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I have come up with a new sex move.

Guy sticks dick in pussy, girl shoves fist in her own ass. girl somehow feels for dick and when she knows where she gives him a handjob inside of her. I call it 9/11 because its an inside job.

I asked my Jewish friend to come up with an random number

he said 6 million

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

“Son, you’re going to have to stop money laundering.”

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I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

The French have come up with a more efficient way of sharing files electronically.

It’s a Pierre-to-Pierre network.

I’m trying to come up with an iphone 11 joke...

It’s basically an iphone X joke with a few minor tweaks and improvements

I keep trying to come up with unemployment jokes.

But none of them work

Classical music jokes are easy to come up with

I could write you a long Liszt

Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?

Because they stick.

I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.

So I discovered that the creatures from avatar have come up with a new business idea.

They’ll let you rent a tribesman as a father figure over the Christmas period.

I heard they’re being called For lease na’vi Dads

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, “Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend.

We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”

He hurries home, grabs everything, and rushes off. Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, “Did you have a good trip?”

“Oh yes, great! I think I r...

I keep trying to come up with a joke about explosives

But they all blow up in my face

Yesterday I heard they've come up with a cure for deafness.

Everybody will be able to hear about it soon.

My first Joke I have come up with.

A fart and a shart walk into a Pub.
"This place stinks! Exclaimed the fart.
" I feel ya" replied the shart.

My brother asked if i could help him come up with a way to advertise the new vacation resort he was opening up.

I said "Brochure."

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

There are 2 different approaches for each sexes.

For Males
OBSERVATIONS
1) the eyes deviate slightly to the left indicating the Male is accessing the creative part of the brain
2) heartrate elevates in an attempt to support the strain of the creative effort
3) pupils constrict s...

This is probably the best joke that I -a dad- have ever come up with

I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.

I told her to sleep on it.

Apple needs to come up with a new creative naming scheme for their products...

You know what iMean?

What do you get when Redditors come up with a brilliant idea?

A punning clan with a cunning plan!

"Son, come up here"

"But I don't want to!"

"Listen here, you'll come up this very moment!"

"No! You'll just throw me down again!"

Heard something on NPR that made me come up with this joke....What do you call it when the President can send you to war but you can't vote for the President?

Puerto Rico.

I try to come up with new chemistry jokes

But all the good ones Argon

Today, I tested 10 people to come up with a pun and see if they could make me laugh

No pun in ten did

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How did you come up with your reddit username?

I made mine when I stopped giving a shit

If a mole working within the FBI were to come up with a joke what kind would it be?

An inside joke.

Didn't come up with this one but I love it

So I was living with my abusive aunt and uncle on their ranch. They would get mad easily and beat me for almost nothing and they often try to catch me doing things I'm not supposed to. One day my uncle came home with a new donkey named Dirty. He was really expensive and my aunt hated him but she cou...

What's the best joke for this punchline you can come up with?

You rigatoni

Every time I toss five coins, they would come up on the same face.

Must be a coin-cidence.

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I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid sex

"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....

I couldn't come up with a good pun about bones.

Maybe I'll come up with one Tomarrow.

How many redditors does it take to come up with an original joke?

Apparently more than 15.8 million.

Johnny, could you please come up here and count to ten?

The teacher asked Johnny to come up to the front of the classroom and count to ten

Teacher: "What are waiting for Johnny?"

Johnny took a deep breath

Johnny: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..."

Suddenly Johnny burst out crying and the teacher came running to him

Teacher: What's wron...

Two blondes are walking in the park and come up on a set of tracks

One blonde says "I think these are bear tracks", the other blonde argues they are deer tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

The founders of Canada were sitting around, trying to come up with a name for their new country.

They couldn't come up with anything until one of them suggested putting all of the letters of the alphabet into a hat and drawing them out one at a time. The eldest member of the group was chosen to draw letters. So he starts in. "C, eh. N, eh. D, eh."

"Why are you fisting me?" A question that should never come up during love making.

Fisting should always be discussed beforehand.

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At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "sex" both appeared

A female student's composition:

'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical sex.'

A male student's composition:
...

I tried to come up with a pun for flour and sugar but I forgot.

I'll have to sift through my mind to find it.

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A radio station was having a contest to see who could come up with a new word

Host: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”

Host: “Dave, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.”

Host: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to the Bahamas: What sentence can you use...

Someone has most likely made this dad joke before but I'm still proud/ashamed to have come up with it myself.

Man 1: Did you hear about my neighbor who jumped off a cliff?
Man 2: Yeah, it's really unfortunate, he seemed like such a down to earth guy.

I've come up with a new screen resultion!!

The idea was thrown out, but I don't understand why, it was 0k

I tried to come up with a joke about hoovers, but I couldn't think of any

I'm just going to have to suck it up

"Dad, how did you come up with my brother's name, 'Legab'?"

"Is it a variation of 'Gabriel' or something?"

"Ah... no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word".

"Oh... ok. Thanks, Dad!"

"You're welcome, Lana".

When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.

Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.

One man pulled out a letter, cleared his throat, and read,

"C, eh."

The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,

"N, eh."
...

I tried to come up with a Star Wars Day joke...

but they all just felt forced.

My hearing impaired son has finally come up with a name for his own thrash metal band.

Megadeaf.

Scientists have come up with a new name for experiments that utilize placebos

Trick or treatment

Someone challenged me to come up with an original catholic priest joke, so I thought...

Nah, I'm not gonna touch that.

I was trying to come up with a joke about social security

I abandoned the idea because you probably won't get it

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and say "You're next! You're next!"

They stopped when I started doing the same at funerals.

A teacher asks her class to come up with a sentence...

...that contains the word "contagious."

Amy stands up and says "Last week my mummy had the flu. It was contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Then Becky stands up and says "a long time ago the Bubonic Plague affected a lot of Europe and because it was very contagiou...

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. Tha...

I never tell jokes that I didn't come up with myself.

That'd make me a copyright?

How did the medical community come up with the term PMS

Mad cow disease was already taken

Whoever wrote the Bible should've come up with two more divine entities

So instead of calling it the "Holy Trinity" it would be the "Repentagon".

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