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Finding Jokes

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Is finding out your spouse sucked hundreds of dicks before getting married really such a big deal?

Or is my wife overreacting?

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half of a worm

After watching Finding Nemo, a man runs out to the pet store and buys a clown fish

He brings the fish home and puts it into the tank, but after a few days notices that it doesn't seem at all settled in its new home.


He remembers that in Finding Nemo, the clownfish live in an anemone, so he returns to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any for sale. The cler...

Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car

a passing soldier assures her that he can help. She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.

Magically it opens.......
"That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my...

Dating is like finding a parking spot

All the good ones are taken and the rest are for handicapped

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[Blonde][NSFW] The blonde asked her gynecologist “Why do I finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina?”

The amused doctor replied, “Those aren’t postage stamps, they’re the stickers that come on bananas”

An army grunt is telling a story about finding a scorpion in his tent…

A marine, an army grunt, and an airman are having a beer and the army grunt is telling this story about how one time he found a scorpion in his tent. Marine asks “what’d you do?”, and the grunt says he crushed it with his boot and flung it out the flap. The marine laughs and says “what a sissy”. The...

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball.

The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume. The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced. The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.

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Finding the loot

Jose had robbed a bank in Texas and fled south across the Rio Grande with the Texas Rangers in hot pursuit. They caught up with him in a town in Old Mexico, only to discover that Jose spoke no English and none of the pursuers spoke any Spanish. They drafted one of the locals – the school teacher – t...

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What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

Finding money in the street

Two old ladies were talking. One asked the other, "what would you do if you found a million dollars lying in the street?"


The other old lady answered, "I'll tell you the truth - if it belonged to a poor person, I would give it back"

Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

A Father Notices His Son's Bedroom Is Spotless, Then Finds An Envelope

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the...

It’s tough finding journalists qualified to report on rhythm sections

They need to cover all the basses and can’t miss a beat.



I'm reposting this joke until somebody finds it funny beside me.

Wife: “You keep on finding ways to avoid taking responsibility for your wrongdoing.”

Me: “I’m truly sorry that you feel this way.”

What's worse than finding 2 babies in a trash can?

Finding 1 baby in two trash cans.

Finding Jesus

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a Preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water And subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is Almost overcome by the smell of booze. But, he still manages to ask ...

I need help finding a Tim Burton movie

I Googled "Tim Burton movie where Johnny Depp plays a quirky, androgynous loner," and Google told me to be more specific.

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A woman was desperate for finding a boyfriend...

So she decided to put a Newspaper Classified with her address saying this:

"I'm looking for a man who loves me, a man who doesn't hit me, one that won't run away from me and that pleassures me in bed."

The next day her doorbell rang and there was a man with no arms and no legs waiting ...

A guy could not find his wife at the mall. He approaches the hottest woman he could find.

"Excuse me miss, I can't find my wife. Can I to talk to you?" He asked her.

She said "Sure, but how is that going to help finding your wife?"

I said "Trust me, as soon as we start talking, she will appear out of nowhere".

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A recent finding by statisticians shows

the average human has one breast and one testicle.

Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing...

There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one.

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