Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.

She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.

"That's so clever!" the woman exclaims. "How did you do that?"

"Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis."

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

This joke.

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What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

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Finding the loot

Jose had robbed a bank in Texas and fled south across the Rio Grande with the Texas Rangers in hot pursuit. They caught up with him in a town in Old Mexico, only to discover that Jose spoke no English and none of the pursuers spoke any Spanish. They drafted one of the locals – the school teacher – t...

When I was a kid, I saw Finding Nemo on Ice.

That was my first time doing meth.

What’s worse than finding a worm in your Apple?

Being mercilessly beaten over the head by a large mob.

A man goes to a marriage agency to see about finding a wife...

The agency man (AM) who works there greets him and starts to ask him the usual questions to get to know him. Name, age, that kind of thing. He also asks him -

AM - "So, you have been married before?"

"Twice" the man responds.

AM - "Ah ok. I see. So what happened to your previous...

FBI, CIA, DEA which is best at finding people?

the IRS

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My Au Pair from Finland has been finding school very difficult of late.

So much anticipation and excitement around my school as it's the first Dux Scholar we've ever had.

Anticipation runs high as we'd all like to see his academic capabilities in our 'not-so-great' school.



Every subject imaginable; Physics, Geography, English, Chemistry etc, we are...

Sperm banks have difficulties finding donors.

TBH, there is zero interest.

A Man in a Hotel has trouble finding his room. He goes down to the front desk and asks ' Sorry, can you tell me what room I'm in please? '

Certainly Sir, said the Receptionist...this is the Lobby.

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a small ball

The mathematician measures the diameter and calculates the volume.

The physicist drops the ball in a tank of water and measures the displaced water.

The engineer examines the ball for a part number.

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TIFU by trying to punish my son after finding bondage gear, fetish masks, and milf porn in his room

I really shoulda thought twice before spanking him

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A lawyer wins his first truly huge case with a multi-million dollar payoff.

He's flying high. He drives to the office the next Monday in shiny new threads with all of the most expensive trimming, driving the most expensive imported Bentley he can find. Everyone at the office needs to see this, he thinks, so he gets there super early to park right in front of the building,...

I had trouble finding my new classroom

Room 404, classroom not found

Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy......

however, that's not the case.

Me: Being a great artist is all about finding the right medium.

The 5th psychic I’ve been to today: judging by your work here, I see disappointment in your future.

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A guy lost his penis in an accident and there were no suitable donors...

A guy lost his penis in an accident and there were no suitable donors, so the only available option to the surgeon was to attach a baby elephant's trunk. After the surgery and healing process, the guy is ready to start dating again. He's out on his 1st date since the accident and while at the dinn...

Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and...

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