Scientists- Only a tiny percentage of universe is observable, the rest is beyond our reach.

Women after Breakup - I've seen it all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When you're having sex...just as you reach Nirvana, but before you have The Offspring, what do you make?

Pearl Jam

So I went in the butchers and he said " I bet you can't reach those two pieces of meat up on that high shelf" I answered "I don't bet" "Why" he asked...

"The stakes are too high"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys.

Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty.

One day at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skin-tight miniskirt.

When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight that she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach the step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bubba died in a horrific accident and they were unable to reach his family to identify the body.

So they brought in his two best friends Leroy and Jimmy, as the three of them went everywhere together. When they walked into the morgue they were unable to tell for certain, as his face had been badly mangled. Leroy asks the mortician to roll him over so he can check to be sure. As soon as he ro...

Have you heard about the ghost who can’t reach the top shelf

He could really use a boo st.

Why can’t scientists reach absolute zero?

Because only a Sith deals with absolutes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a dinosaur that can’t reach to masturbate

Rexually frustrated

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Physicians were unable to reach a consensus:

Should Brexit take place?

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it,

but the Neurologists thought May had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetrician...

When I reach home, my 1.5 year old son rushes out to the gate..

..to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrrrmmm brrrrmmm sound. His cute antics always me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease ...It's called Parking son's disease.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm starting a support group for women that can't reach orgasm.

If you can't come let me know.

I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page

No pun in ten did

Whenever people give me free cigarettes I always lock them away in a far cupboard, out of reach.

That usually stops them pestering me.

Wait for few months till we reach 2020

Then we can hear '10's playlist' on Spotify

North Korea now has a missle that can reach New York City, and I think that's really scary.

If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

I woke up in thick fog and couldn’t reach my Google drive

The cloud was down

How do you know a joke isn't a repost?

When it doesn't reach the front page.

Two fish are swimming and suddenly reach a cement wall

"Dam"

What do you call it when two psychics reach a compromise?

A happy medium!


No idea if I was the first to ever tell this joke, but I was damn proud of myself when I put it together as a kid xD

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a red-headed man reach orgasm?

Alone.

I have always wanted to be a motivational speaker. To get the crowd on their feet. To feel optimistic about the day ahead, or even the life ahead. To make them feel like all their dreams are within arms reach with just a little hard work and the willingness to be something more than just who you are

Im just too lazy to get up.

I'm pretty sure somebody hid the final paragraph of my essay on the shelf I can't reach

but I don't want to jump to conclusions

A priest, a philosopher and a politician are playing golf. However, the holes are being blocked by a man seemingly doing silly moves with the club and failing to reach the holes.

The three men start complaining, but the field's manager tells them that the man is blind.

The priest says:

- I'm thankful to Lord that he has given me the sight to see people's failings and tell them the Gospel!

The philosopher says:

- When you think about it, the diffic...

If two alligators have reach an agreement...

... do they have a crocodeal?

Once we reach 15 months with the current president

Are we legally allowed to leave?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Deaf Couple in the Bedroom

Two deaf people have just gotten married. They really love each other, but sex at night has been a bit of a struggle, as they are unable to communicate through signing, and it is too dark to read each other's lips.

After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wif...

When does a joke reach "dad joke" level?

When it's full groan!

How long does it take to reach the ground from 110 stories up?

The rest of your life.

North Korean missiles can now reach mainland U.S.A...

WE WILL BUILD A ROOF! AND N. KOREA'S GOING TO PAY FOR IT! SAD!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Can your dick touch your asshole?

One day, a young boy saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. The young boy asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said the boy. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, the boy saw his gra...

Should I bring you a ladder or can you reach it yourself?

Let me know if it's the former or the latter.

Why do people cheer when they reach the Finland border?

It's the Finnish line.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations,

The British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be d...

A sailor is stranded on a desert island with nothing but palm fronds and sea anemones to live off. Finally when he was recused the rescuers asked why was he covered in anemones with a ring of palm fronds in arms reach. He replies, 'I keep my fronds close but my anemones closer'.

'With fronds like that, who needs anemones?'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can your dick reach (original version]

I am sick of seeing this joke mangled into the nonsense form that is always posted here, so for future reference this is how it goes:

---------------------------------

A five-year-old boy goes up to his grandpa and asks "Can I have a dollar to buy some candy?" The grandpa replies "Can ...

NSFW: Sperm 1: God I'm getting tired! How long 'til we reach the fallopian tubes?

Sperm 2: Still a long way to go..........We've only passed the tonsils.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not gonna lie, my penis can reach 8 inches when I'm happy

I'm never happy...

I can't wait for an AI to reach 10% of the capabilities of the average human.

Then we can replace all of Congress with a single AI.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How long does it take a satellite to reach Uranus?

Bend over and I'll show you.

How did the dwarf reach the cookies on top of the fridge?

He Imp-provised.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The sex system

A married couple wanted it to be less embarrassing to ask each other for sex when one or the other does not want to do it. So they worked out a system. The wife says "Ok if you wanna have sex reach over and tug my breast one time, if you don't, tug two times." The husband says "Ok then, same for me,...

Why couldn't the hippie reach his tie dyed T-shirt?

Because it was Far Out!

Three old women sit on a bench, and a man in a large coat comes and flashes them.

Two had a stroke. The last couldn't reach

How to get ripped in 4 easy steps:

1. Stand on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
2. Hold a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this po...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A short love story

A man and women who had never met before, but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and
fell asleep quickly, he in the up...

When I'm stressed I like to draw a line of trees, getting smaller as they reach the horizon

It really puts things in perspective

What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?

Irritable Brawls in Rome

You can reach 80 years

Doctor: Your health seems to be in such a condition that I believe you can reach 80 years.

*But doctor, I am already 80!*

You see - I told you to quit smoking.

Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench

A man walks up in a trenchcoat and flashes them. The first lady has a stroke, the second lady couldn't quite reach.

When women reach a certain age they start accumulating cats

This is known as many paws

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rodeo sex!

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind...

Wife:What Will You Give Me If I Successfully Climb & Reach The Top Of The Great Mt.Everest..

Husband:A Gentle Push..

So the Pope joined twitter so he can "Reach out to a younger generation."

He is certainly not the first Catholic to have done that.

Did you know that Rick Astley is actually a very generous person and an extensive movie collector?

It's true! He'll actually let you have just about any movie in his collection, with only one exception: The Disney/Pixar movie "Up." This particular movie is a favorite of his and he keeps it on a shelf so high that you actually have to get a ladder and climb it just to reach the movie. Be carefu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Fina...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man looses his thesaurus.

He searches all over his house for it. He’s double checked everywhere, but he just can’t find it. Fed up with searching, he decides to ask his family members.

His daughter loves reading books, so he decided to ask her first.

Man: Did you take my thesaurus?

Daughter: ...

I am in the hospital my younger brother swallowed a 16GB memory card and he is singing all songs in it.

I just pray it doesn't reach the video folder.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.