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Father's Day Jokes

Happy Father's Day

A new teacher joins a school.

She finds two boys looking very similar in appearance.

The teacher asks: Twins...?

Boys: No, we are neighbours!

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Dads of Reddit: Happy Father's Day...

YOU MOTHER FUCKERS

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Instead of "Mother's Day" and "Father's Day"

It should be "Mother's Day" and "Motherfucker's Day"

I got a lot of "Happy Father's Day, Daddy" messages yesrerday...

I'm starting to think I spend way too much money on OnlyFans...

Happy father's day!

5 year old son after reading story of a king says to his mom:

Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives... one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me

Mom: And which one will put you to sleep

Son: No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom's eyes filled up with tears.

Mom: ...

Father's Day

I don't get excited about gifts the way other people do, and it drives my wife nuts. For Father's Day, my wife was determined to get a reaction out of me and so she ordered me a custom-designed tie. She knew that I had two great passions in life: movies and dad humor, so she hired a well-known graph...

What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day?

Extra Karma... I hope.

Mothers have Mothers day, father's have Father's day, couples have Valentine's day

and I have Palm Sunday.

Husband: "Wife, maybe for father's day you could get me a nice shirt?"

Wife: "What about all the others you have?"

Husband: "They are all getting me different things"

In honor of Father's day, a dad joke

There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.


He'll be Bach

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This Sunday is Father's Day

I just want to give a shout out to all you motherfuckers out there.

I'm getting a sweater for Father's Day!

I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner, but I guess this will do.

How does Kylo Ren celebrate Father's Day?

Solo

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

My Kids are buying me gifts for Father's day,

Hope I can afford it.

God says to jesus, "You remembered it's father's day?"

Jesus says "what the hell am I supposed to get a man who has everything?!"

*God turns & winks at camera*

"Omnipresents."

Grandpa's Father's Day quip

Out at breakfast with my fiance's grandparents yesterday morning when I priest comes in. Her grandfather is almost 90.

Grandpa, (knowing I was raised Catholic) says, "So you gonna wish him a Happy Father's Day too?"

Happy Father's Day

or, mass confusion, if you live in Harlem.

What did Dad say when he got a universal remote for Father's Day?

This changes everything!



Happy Father's Day!

For Father's Day, my favorite Father joke.

A doctor who invents as a hobby has invented the Child Birth Pain Transfer Machine (CBPTM), which allows the transfer of the pain of childbirth from the mother to the father at varying degrees.

A couple walks in, and the wife is in labor. They agree to hook her up to the machine, and the doct...

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Father's Day, at school, and all the students are supposed to make cards...

...by drawing a picture of their father at work.

Teacher asks, "Logan, what does your father do?"

"My dad's a cop. I'm gonna draw him catching a bad guy."

Then the teacher asks, "Briei, what does your father do?"

Briei says, "My dad's a writer. I'm going to draw him wit...

FATHER'S DAY DAD JOKE: What kind of shoes does a ninja wear?

Sneakers

Father's Day coming up... let's hear your best dad joke!!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

A father's day joke

Father: Anthony, do you think I am a bad father?

Son: My name is Paul.

When is Father's Day ?

Nine months after Father's Night

Father's day in the forest

Two middle aged trees, a beech and a birch, are standing in the forest one sunny day and spot a sapling off in the distance growing strong. They start arguing about whose son it must be. Hearing the commotion, a woodpecker flies over and after learning what they are arguing about agrees to investi...

for any women thinking about father's day presents: most men appreciate things done by hand

or mouth

Father's Day was near when I brought my three-year-old son, Tyler, to the card store.

Father’s Day was near when I brought my three-year-old son, Tyler, to the card store. Inside, I showed him the cards for dads and told him to pick one.

When I looked back, Tyler was picking up one card after another, opening them up and quickly shoving them back into slots, every which way. “...

For Father's Day my wife and kid made me breakfast in bed

I'd have preferred they made it in the kitchen but it's the thought that counts

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What does Samuel L Jackson call Father's day as?

Motherfucker's Day

Dad jokes for Father's Day

As its Father's Day (in Australia at least), here's a thread for all our favourite Dad Jokes

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles


Happy Dad Joke Day!

Shout out to all the Dads on Father's Day!

Because if you're black, they're really far away!

Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?

Because they're so full of mummies

(As told by "Jackie chan" while cooking my lunch on the hibachi grill)

What is the official song of Father's Day?

The Wanted - Glad you came

For Father's Day, my wife gave me a rear facing camera for my car.

I haven't looked back since.

Most people know today as Father's Day but I...

know it as Sonday

In honor of father's day - one from my dad. A dungbeetle walks into a bar and he says to the bartender:

Excuse me sir, is this stool taken?

I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker.

It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use.

Everyone keeps wishing a Happy Father's Day to "The Best Dad in the World."

I'm flattered. But I hope everyone wishes their own dad a Happy Fathers Day as well.

What do you get a first dad for father's day?

Condoms.

Courtesy of my witty ole' uncle mike

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