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Happy father's day!

Have a good day all you mother fuckers!

Father's day joke

It's not a dad bod. It's a father figure.

Happy Father's day!

In honor of Dads everywhere: Father's Day is Dad Joke central - a way of life.

I took my Dad to breakfast this morning. A woman was bringing a pot of coffee around to see if people needed refills. At each take, people would likely accept or decline.. "Yes, thank you." "No, we're fine, thanks."

She gets to our table.

"More coffee?"

Dad: "Is it free?"
<...

What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day?

Extra Karma... I hope.

Mothers have Mother's Day, fathers have father's Day, couples have valentine's Day

And I have palm Sunday.

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This Sunday is Father's Day

I just want to give a shout out to all you motherfuckers out there.

In honor of Father's day, a dad joke

There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.


He'll be Bach

for any women thinking about father's day presents: most men appreciate things done by hand

or mouth

For Father's Day, my favorite Father joke.

A doctor who invents as a hobby has invented the Child Birth Pain Transfer Machine (CBPTM), which allows the transfer of the pain of childbirth from the mother to the father at varying degrees.

A couple walks in, and the wife is in labor. They agree to hook her up to the machine, and the doct...

When is Father's Day ?

Nine months after Father's Night

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What does Samuel L Jackson call Father's day as?

Motherfucker's Day

My Kids are buying me gifts for Father's day,

Hope I can afford it.

Father's Day coming up... let's hear your best dad joke!!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Happy father's day!

5 year old son after reading story of a king says to his mom:

Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives... one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me

Mom: And which one will put you to sleep

Son: No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom's eyes filled up with tears.

Mom: ...

How does Kylo Ren celebrate Father's Day?

Solo

Father's day in the forest

Two middle aged trees, a beech and a birch, are standing in the forest one sunny day and spot a sapling off in the distance growing strong. They start arguing about whose son it must be. Hearing the commotion, a woodpecker flies over and after learning what they are arguing about agrees to investi...

FATHER'S DAY DAD JOKE: What kind of shoes does a ninja wear?

Sneakers

I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker.

It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use.

In honor of father's day - one from my dad. A dungbeetle walks into a bar and he says to the bartender:

Excuse me sir, is this stool taken?

Most people know today as Father's Day but I...

know it as Sonday

God says to jesus, "You remembered it's father's day?"

Jesus says "what the hell am I supposed to get a man who has everything?!"

*God turns & winks at camera*

"Omnipresents."

Happy Father's Day

Today is the day that you should thank your dad for not spraying you all over your moms face.

Grandpa's Father's Day quip

Out at breakfast with my fiance's grandparents yesterday morning when I priest comes in. Her grandfather is almost 90.

Grandpa, (knowing I was raised Catholic) says, "So you gonna wish him a Happy Father's Day too?"

Everyone keeps wishing a Happy Father's Day to "The Best Dad in the World."

I'm flattered. But I hope everyone wishes their own dad a Happy Fathers Day as well.

Father's Day was near when I brought my three-year-old son, Tyler, to the card store.

Father’s Day was near when I brought my three-year-old son, Tyler, to the card store. Inside, I showed him the cards for dads and told him to pick one.

When I looked back, Tyler was picking up one card after another, opening them up and quickly shoving them back into slots, every which way. “...

For Father's Day my wife and kid made me breakfast in bed

I'd have preferred they made it in the kitchen but it's the thought that counts

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Father's Day, at school, and all the students are supposed to make cards...

...by drawing a picture of their father at work.

Teacher asks, "Logan, what does your father do?"

"My dad's a cop. I'm gonna draw him catching a bad guy."

Then the teacher asks, "Briei, what does your father do?"

Briei says, "My dad's a writer. I'm going to draw him wit...

Shout out to all the Dads on Father's Day!

Because if you're black, they're really far away!

*HAPPY FATHER'S DAY...*

A new teacher Joins school... She finds two boys looking very similar in appearance...

Teacher asks:- " Twins...???"

Boy:- No... *"NEIGHBOURS"*

How did Vader know what he was getting for Father's day?

He felt Luke's presents.

A father's day joke

Father: Anthony, do you think I am a bad father?

Son: My name is Paul.

What is the official song of Father's Day?

The Wanted - Glad you came

Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?

Because they're so full of mummies

(As told by "Jackie chan" while cooking my lunch on the hibachi grill)

For Father's Day, my wife gave me a rear facing camera for my car.

I haven't looked back since.

Dad jokes for Father's Day

As its Father's Day (in Australia at least), here's a thread for all our favourite Dad Jokes

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles


Happy Dad Joke Day!

Happy Father's Day

or, mass confusion, if you live in Harlem.

People always ask me how I know so many Dad jokes.

Well it's because I keep them in a Dad-a-base.

Happy Father's Day!

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I've got one thing to say to all you motherfuckers.

Happy Father's day

My black friend told me I can't celebrate Martin Luther King Day because I am white

If that's true, then he can't celebrate Father's Day.

So my mom decided to sell her house, but she’d always promised she’d get the boulder out of her front yard.

It was an eyesore, but she couldn’t handle it herself. I was still in college, so on a long weekend, I loaded all the guys I could in my car, drove the 11 hours home. We borrowed a truck, backed it right up, and tried to lift it. We couldn’t move it.

So I called in all the old high school fri...

After stating that AC/DC was the best 80's band, my dad got mad and said, "What do you know about the 80's? I bet you don't even know who Whitesnake is!"

I just rolled my eyes and said "ugh, Here I go again!"


Happy father's day!

Tips for Buying a Car

A retired older couple returned to a Cadillac dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been keen on buying to a beautiful, leggy blonde in a tight skirt, stiletto heels, and halter top.

The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply: "Young man, I thought ...

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A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh

A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh for a convention with his associate preacher and they decide to take the train.

At the station, the pastor tells his associate to have a seat while he purchases their tickets.

After standing in line at the ticket counter for an extended period of time...

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What's something white people can cook better than black people?

Father's day dinner

Happy Mother’s Day!

A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. "Nothing," said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. "Seriously, what's wrong?" "Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and f...

How did the school bullies kill a kid with a nut allergy?

They would always pecan him.



Father's Day weekend Dad joke.

A three legged dog walks into a bar

He says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Happy Father's day to all you dads of Reddit :)

When i was a kid, my father said he wanted me to be an autodidact.

I asked him what that word meant.

He told me to look it up.

Happy Father's Day, everyone!

To all the dude's who didn't use protection this weekend

Happy Father's Day!

A man brought his son to a grocery store...

A man brought his son to a grocery store, but as soon as they walked in the store the young child began to throw a temper tantrum. While they went down each aisle the child would yell, throw items in and out of the cart, and overall just be an annoyance.

Despite the scene his son was causing...

Son: Dad, what's the most unforgettable incident in your life ?

IT Dad: Son, its INC0000038764. Took me forever to resolve.

Happy father's day !!

Did you hear Mexico agreed to help Donald Trump build his wall?

They've gotta keep all those Americans out once Donald gets elected.



Sorry, super liberal grandpa told me this one on Father's day. Couldn't help but share.

A friend went to the CVS in Baltimore after the looting to pick up some items,

the only things left behind were sun tan lotion and father's day cards.

Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies.

Little Annie is now silent for a while.
"You understand it now?" Mum asks.
"Yes," replies her daughter.
"Do you still have any questions?"
"Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?"
"In exactly the same way as with babies."
"Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTH...

Don't forget, Sperm Donor day is June 16th this year.

It's like Father's Day, but it comes a little early.

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A cop walking his beat downtown late one Saturday night...

...comes across an inebriated fellow, stumbling around on the sidewalk in front of a bar. He approaches the drunkard, who is well plastered and hasn't yet seen him coming . "Evening, friend. How we doing tonight?"

"Oh officer," says the souse, " Am I glad to see you, sir! Listen, somebody...

Yo mamma so fat...

...is the real reason yo daddy left.

Happy Father's Day!

A Joke My Grandpa Told Us Yesterday at Dinner

An old man and his son are out golfing on Father's Day. The old man tees up for his shot and hits it right down the fairway. His son gets ready to take his swing, and right before his swing, he suddenly stops. He turns to the old man and says, "I don't want to take the shot, my eye site has been get...

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NSFW Happy Motherfucker Day!

.....er, I mean, Father's Day!

Girl I like keeps putting me in the "dad zone"

Good thing this weekend is Father's Day.

Fear of the Dark

The recently concluded Father's Day made me recall that one time when I was a kid having trouble getting to sleep because I was afraid of the dark. My father said to me, "Son, there is nothing in the dark that isn't there when the lights are on - except for the occasional swarm of bats. So, g'night....

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