A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.

Woman: Oh no! Not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Well that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?

Doctor: Denephew.

I have just written a book on how to fall down a staircase.

It's a step by step guide.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A naked woman accidentally fell off of her 22nd story balcony. On her way down...

a gentleman from the 18th floor sticks his head out and catches her hand. As he hangs on to her hand he yells “If you promise to blow me then I’ll save your life!”

“What is wrong with you?! Just fucking save me!!” She replies in disbelief.

The gentleman then proceeds to let her fall. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question."

Please form a single-file line. And they do so. St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" The Sister Responds "Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger..." St. Peter says "Alright Sis...

What’s green, fuzzy, has 4 legs and can kill you if it falls out a tree?

A pool table

Why did the old man fall down the well?

He couldn’t see that well.

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other, “Isn’t it dark down here?”

The other blonde replies, “I don’t know, I can’t see anything.”

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW while in china an American is sexually promiscuous and doesn't use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the states, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days.
<...

A kid falls into a well.

After a few hours, a man walks by and hears shouting. He walks over to the well and yells "Is somebody down there?"

"Yes, please help me!"

"Okay, I called 911 and they're on the way. How old are you? What's it like down there?"

"I'm 14 and this is deep!"

A drunk man falls down the front steps of the W Hotel in New York.

He lands at the feet of a cab driver waiting for his next fare. The drunk man stands up and says, “Take me to the W Hotel!”

&#x200B;

The cabby looks at the drunk man and tells him, “Buddy, you’re at the W Hotel.”

&#x200B;

Perfect,” the man says, handing the driver...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy falls in love with a girl called Wendy

Few months later, he decides to propose to her. To make it unforgettable, he gets her name tattooed on his penis, so when it's flaccid it reads WY and when he gets a hard on, it says Wendy. He shows it to her and she's so impressed with his commitment and all, says Yes and they get married.
...

Why did Bono fall off the stage?

He got too close to The Edge.

So far, Humpty Dumpty is having a terrible winter

Which sucks because he had a great fall

What do you call a person who falls for something over and over again?

Oooh

We're no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I

A full commitment's what I'm thinking of

You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna...

There are 500 bricks on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

.
499.

How do you put an elephant into a fridge?

Open door. Insert elephant. Close door.

How do you put a giraffe into a fridge?

Open door. Remove elephant. Insert giraffe. Close door.

The lion king is having a birthday party. Two animals are missing. Who are ...

If a tree falls in the forest with nobody around to hear it...

Wood someone make a pun out of it?

If a tree falls...

If a tree falls in the woods and kills someone, did they die of natural causes?

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff

... ba dum tsss

Me: It’s not how many times you fall down. It’s how many times you get back up.

Cop: Sir, that’s not how sobriety tests work.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

Turns out my uncle's birthday falls on the same day as my boyfriend's

Now I don't know who to celebrate it with, the one who took my virginity, or my boyfriend

What's yellow and hurts when it falls in your eye?

A bulldozer

A person from Czechoslovakia falls in love with a chess player

It’s a Czechmate!

Why can’t you wear Ukrainian underwear?

Because Chernobyl Fallout.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of boats?

Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the fucking boat.

How to fall off stairs

Step- 1

Step- 2

Step- 6

Step- 14

Step- 28

&#x200B;

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into a seedy bar in NYC, sits down, and says to the guy next to him, "Did you know you can jump off the Empire State Building and survive the fall?"...

The second gentleman sitting at the bar laughs and says sarcastically, "Suuuure you can".

The first guys says, "No I'm serious. On a windy day, like today, the surrounding buildings create this strange air current near the ground which cushions your fall. You land gently on your feet, light a...

Why was the robot couple’s anniversary in the Fall?

They were autumn mated.

What do you call a PC that falls in the ocean?

A Dell rolling in the deep

What do you call a machine that makes kids fall asleep?

A kidnapper

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she has no arms.


Knock knock
Whos there?
Not Sally.


What did Sally get for Christmas?
We don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.


What did Sally get for her birthday?
Cancer.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana.

The Montana Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me f...

What does a French lumberjack yell just before the tree falls?

Tomber!

Why couldn't the tiger fall asleep?

It had nothing to lion.

IF i ever see a billion dollars fall from the sky and float around in front of me i am going to grab it.

I suddenly understand fish on a whole new level.

A redneck suffered a nasty fall...

So he visited a physician and sought treatment.

“Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained,” the doctor said.

The redneck happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you get a girlfriend or wife with insomnia to fall asleep?

...tell them you’re horny.

2 onions fall in love and mate, they give birth to a beautiful son!

One day, they leave the front door open on accident and the young onion rolls out into the world.

While crossing the street, the poor onion child gets flattened in the road...

He is then rushed to the hospital, the father rolling around in the hall, extremely anxious to hear any news.<...

My wife's favorite phrases are "walk it off" and "put some ice on it" whenever our kids fall down.

Or I get an erection.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was fucking dead.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A religious man falls overboard in the middle of the ocean and no one notices and the boat drives away...

...So he’s floating in the middle of the ocean and a cruise ship finds him.

“Need help?” One of the passengers says

“No thank you, god will save me.” The man says

The ship drives off and an hour later another one comes. The same scenario happens again the man keeps saying that g...

Ice started to fall from the sky the other day...

Oh hail no.

A school robotics team made an ultimate weapon, and needed ammo that makes everything fall apart.

That’s why they used common core standards.

Why did the blind villager fall into the watering hole?

because they couldn't see that well

^^^_yes_i_know^^^

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy is walking when he suddenly falls and injures his hand.

On his way to the hospital, he sees this huge ad on a new machine, the ad claimed that the machine is able to diagnose any disease and write treatment plans for it only by taking urine sample.

The man walks to the machine puts a penny in it and then gives the sample.

After a few beeps,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree.

He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

     "Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.

     "Boy," is the man's response.

     "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows u...

What happens when your nose falls off?

You as-Sphinx-iate!

I’ll show myself out.

Why did the tree fall on the computer?

It wanted to log in.

If a tree falls in the forest and doesn't make a sound

that means my illegal logging is a success.

Why did the blind man fall 50 feet and drown?

He didn’t see that well.

Why did sara fall out of swing..

She didnt have hands

Why did Rome Fall?

Because it slipped on some Greece.

I am a builder from Sioux Falls, and I was recently in Madrid at a local tavern, and couldn’t believe the amount of code violations in their building practices. This led me to accept that they are their own culture and....

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn condition.

What do you call a person who falls for a tech support scam?

An Indian giver.

What do you call it when your feet fall asleep?

Coma - toes.

I visited the Linville Falls yesterday.

It was gorgeous.

When a man falls out of your boat and into the water, you should yell "man overboard". What should you yell if a woman falls into the water?

**Full speed ahead!**

I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...

...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...

How to fall down the stairs

Step1
Step2
Step3
Step6
Step12

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing

65% of my emails aren't going out

A big moron and a little moron are sitting on a fence the big moron falls off but the little moron doesn’t

Which makes sense because he was a little moron

How do rugs fall in love?

They get swept off their feet.

What falls on 2/22/2222?

A 2’s day.

There was a woman who lived alone all year round because her husband was a navy seal. The house was near a train station and whenever the train passed, the wardrobe that was in the bedroom would fall.

So one day the woman calls a carpenter: "You know," she says, "whenever the train passes, the wardrobe falls and... ". Before the woman completes the sentence, the train passes and the wardrobe immediately falls down.

The carpenter seems to know the solution to the problem: "Leave it to me, I...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy falls in love with a very traditional girl.....

A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl, that means no sex before marriage. But he doesn't care, he loves her. After a year or two of dating he decides its time to propose. So he heads to her fathers house to ask his permission.

"Hello, sir, I'm here to ask for your ...

A girl had her bag open and a calculator fell out. I picked it up and said “excuse me , I think this is yours. I saw it fall out of your bag”

“that adds up” she said

A Woman, pregnant with twins, falls down the stairs and is in a coma.

In the hospital she wakes from her coma in a panic to find that she is no longer pregnant. They babies are out of her belly and gone!

A doctor soon enters the room with the frantic woman.

"Take it easy miss. Everything is fine. You were in a coma. But we were able to safely birth your ...

Did you hear about the guy who survived going over Niagara Falls?

He barrel-y made it.

Why don’t Soviets wear boxer shorts?

Because Chernobyl fall out

Girl, did you fall from a vending machine?

Cause you look like you accept quarters

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof

So he looks up the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he"ll be there in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a huge, ferocious lookin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A middle aged lady had a fall and went into a coma.

While in coma, she had a near death experience in which she spoke to God.

"You've been very kind and generous" said God. "I'll give send you back and give you many more years on earth." Poof! She was sent back and fully recovered.

She decided to get a facelift, a nose job, boob job, an...

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery

One Sunday ,in the pulpit, he said

"If I hear one more person confess to adultery I'll quit."

However since everyone liked they came with a code word so that he didnt know. So Someone who had committed adultery would say they had fallen.

This satisfy the old priest until he die...

What does a tree that’s about to fall need?

Lumber Support

I saw a telephone wire starting to fall on someones car the other day on my way home from work but I don't think they noticed

They would be in for a shock

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

\- Because she didn't have arms...


Why couldn't Sally get back up?

&#x200B;

\- Because she doesn't have friends...


Knock Knock...


(Who's There),

&#x200B;

Not Sally...(She doesn't have arms remember)

We should've known communism would fall.

There were a lot of red flags.