The 79+ Best Fall Jokes

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I just don't get how the german people could fall for Hitler and the Nazis

There were an awful lot of red flags.

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Why do 50% of married men not fall asleep after sex?

Because they still need to drive home

A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.

They walk up to God and ask to be married.

God says give me some time and I'll get back to you.

Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.

A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once ...

Step by step guide on how to fall down stairs

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 4:

Step 7:

Step 12:

Step 18:

Step 25:

Hospital

So a village boy and a modern girl fall in love and want to try 69

The boy doesn’t know about 69 so the girl takes the lead.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts out uncontrollably directly in his face. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises.

She squats down for another go but farts again, thi...

A lamb, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.

*baa-dum-tssssssssss*

I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...

...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...

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Two residents of an old folks home fall in love…..

June and Freddy. And they adore each other but they are too old and weak for sex. So the way they show affection is that each evening, June visits Freddy in his room, they sit side by side in their armchairs, and June just holds Freddy’s penis in her hand while they watch TV. That’s their love life ...

Why did the blind woman fall down the well?

Because she couldn't see that well.

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A young recently immigranted Italian couple Maria and Luigi fall in love and get married.

They're sort of poor and spend the honeymoon night at her mama and papa's house.
Maria's a nervous virgin and Mama's busy cooking spaghetti and has to try to calm Maria down and talk her into going upstairs to her husband. She finally does, and Luigi is sitting on the bed and gives her a long pas...

I saw a poor old lady fall in the street today.

Well I'm assuming she's poor, she only had $1 in her purse.

So, why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.

I saw this poor old lady fall down the stairs and hurt herself.

I assume she was poor because I didn’t find more than $1.50 in her wallet.

Why did people fall asleep watching gun barrels being made?

Because it was boring

When inmates fall in love.

Do the finish each others sentences?

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The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants..

... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?

The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall

But it was his dumb asphalt

My wife said we needed to childproof our upright piano, so it wouldn't fall over on our toddler...

... I said that was a good idea, because I wouldn't want a flat minor.

If a tree falls.....

A tree falls in the forest but doesn't make a sound.

Hunter in camouflage gear: "WHAT THE HECK???!"

Tree: "I mean, AAAAAARGH, I fell!"

Me: it’s not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you get back up.

Cop: that's not how field sobriety tests work..?

I slipped off a building, but luckily a passing group of schoolchildren broke my fall.

I survived, with only minor injuries.

How do you survive a fall without a parachute?

Just like any other season

What do you call a beaker that didn't fall short?

A graduated cylinder.

In a hotel room at night, two neighbors do not let a third one fall asleep...

At night in a hotel room, two neighbors do not let a third one fall asleep: they tell various political jokes. He tries to scare them:

"The KGB is listening to everything here!"

Those two just laugh and continue. Then he goes out and asks the room attendant to bring to the r...

You know that tingly sensation you get when you fall in love with somebody?

That's common sense leaving your body.

Sleeping next to someone you love makes you fall asleep faster, reduces depression, reduces anxiety and helps you to live longer.

Until they start to fart in their sleep.

I was at the airport when I saw a guy fall unconscious on the baggage carousel.

He came around slowly.

What’s green, fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

A pool table.

Vladimir Putin suffers a heart attack amidst the Ukraine crisis, and falls into a coma...

... A few years later, he wakes up, gets back on his feet and walks out of his room, right past the sleeping guard.

He walks out of the hospital onto the streets of Moscow, and finds that most people don't recognize him. Several years of vegetative coma seem to have taken its toll on his appe...

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A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “S...

Why did the bike fall over?

Because it was two tired

A big moron and a little moron walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The big moron falls off his chair. Why doesn’t the little moron fall?

Because he’s a little more on.

Why did the polynomial tree fall over?

It didn't have any real roots

I'm worried I will fall down the stairs one day...

I'd take steps to avoid it, but that's sort of the problem.

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Therapist : your problem seems to be over attachment, a tendency to fall in love very quickly without regards of other person's feeling.

Me : please don't talk like this, baby doll.

Couldn't fall asleep so I started counting sheep ...

Couldn't fall asleep, so I started counting sheep and everything was great as I was drifting off to dreamland THEN one of the sheep said "Hey pal - I think you forgot to make your car insurance payment 7 days ago!" - and I sat up ... wide awake and said "Ewe have got to be kidding me!"

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If you fall in love with a satyr....

Then you're probably Pan sexual.

In a first year college course on philosophy, the instructor noticed one of their students about to fall asleep, so asked,

"You there, what is work?"

The student opened their eyes, thought for a second and responded, "Everything is work."

"What? Everything is work?"

"Yes, teacher."

"Then I take it you would like the class to believe that this desk is work?"

"Yes, wood work", they repl...

What scam do cats always fall for?

Fishing links

I’m writing a fantasy novel about two knights who fall into the rogue and Paladin archetypes. I’m calling it…

Silent Knight, Holy Knight

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…

…then my illegal logging business is a success

Hey girl, did you fall from heaven?

because you look like Satan himself

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It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter
was indeed going to be cold and that the members of...

News reports today that Senate GOP leader Mitch McConnell hospitalized after fall.

He finally brought a motion to the floor.

Did you hear about the guy who escaped a firing squad only to fall into a vat of boiling oil?

He went from the firing plan into the fryer.

Why did Death fall in love with his victim?

He just couldn't get enough of demise.

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

Ba dum tiss....

Where do animals go when their tails fall off?

Retail store. I know I'm lame.

Maybe if I fall in love with my anxiety

it'll leave me too.

What did the Welsh man do to fall asleep quicker?

He started counting women.

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open do...

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For all baseball fans enjoying the 2022 Fall Classic....

Two friends have loved each other, and attended countless ballgames located all over the world, and enjoyed excellent baseball moments together

Decades passed, and one of the two buddies became terribly ill. It was time for one of the two friends to sleep peacefully for eternity.

The ...

Just had a stack of toilet rolls fall on me in the supermarket

I'm ok though, just soft tissue damage

Communism's fall shouldn't have come as a surprise

There were many red flags

What do you get when Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, and Roosevelt fall in poison ivy?

Mt. Rashmore.

why did the Astronaut fall into depression?

because he wasn't happy in the closed 'space'

Why doesn't Michigan fall into the great lakes?

Because Ohio sucks!

At this time of year, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.

And that's why I'm no longer a fireman.

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A woman who is constantly embarrassed by her husband falling asleep in church goes to the priest to ask for help.

The priest says, "Look love, if he falls asleep again, poke him with this hat pin. I'll nod to you as a signal to poke him.". The woman agrees to the plan.

So Sunday rolls around and sure enough, good old Mr. Jones nods off again. The priest notices and asks, "Who is our savior?" then nods to...

What do Millennials and Tarzan falling to his death have in common?

"I miss Vine."

I think my deaf girlfriend is falling in love with a deaf friend of hers.

I’ve been noticing——the signs aren’t good.

I told my boss that I had a terrible fall.

He said, "That's fine, don't come in to work today."

Tomorrow I'll tell him I had a horrible summer, too.

I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane.

Until he hit the ground.

A parachutist friend of mine was able to record a joke on his GoPro during his tragic last skydive saying that he'd 'had a great summer but was expecting an even better fall'.

He certainly hit the ground punning!

Why did the boy fall from the swing?

Because he had no arms

Knock Knock

Who's there

Not the boy

How do you make leaves fall off of trees?

You don’t - they do it autumn-atically

A husband and wife go to church every Sunday. However, the husband would always fall asleep while church was in session.

One day the wife went to the priest and said “My husband always falls asleep, and I can’t see when he does, so whenever he does can you make a hand gesture so I will know to wake him up?” The priest agrees and the preaching starts.

As priest is saying “Who is thy ruler and maker, who will alw...

I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love. It never got published.

It was all in vein.

So I said, "It's not about how many times you fall down. It's about how many times you get back up."

And the cop said, "Sir, now I'm going to ask you to take a breathalyzer test."

Why did the fly fall off the wall?

Because someone tied a piano to its leg.

Why did the Ukrainian fall asleep?

He wanted to catch some Z’s

After the fall of the Soviet Union...

two Russian friends meet and one tells the other:

Friend 1: You know what? Everything they told us about socialism and communism was a lie.

And his friend replies,

Friend 2: You are right. And do you know what's even worse? Everything they told us about capitalism is true.

I didn’t fall for my boyfriend

His third leg just tripped me

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What do you call the scraps of food that fall from the table?

Floor d’ouevres

What do you call breast implants that fall out and go missing?

Bolton Wanderers.

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An elderly woman's husband keeps falling asleep in church

An elderly lady's husband habitually falls asleep during the sermon, so she meets with the pastor one Saturday and tells him "Give me a wink every time you notice my husband falling asleep so I can poke him with a hat pin and wake him up." The pastor agrees.

The next day, sure enough, during...

Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?

To make up for his miserable summer.

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A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park. Feeling dizzy from the ride, she immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her breasts. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I was just reviving you," replies the man. "When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but s...

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