This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A naked woman accidentally fell off of her 22nd story balcony. On her way down...

a gentleman from the 18th floor sticks his head out and catches her hand. As he hangs on to her hand he yells “If you promise to blow me then I’ll save your life!”

“What is wrong with you?! Just fucking save me!!” She replies in disbelief.

The gentleman then proceeds to let her fall. ...

A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later she awakes, and asks the doctor about her baby...

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, they’re both fine. Luckily, your brother was here to name them for you

Woman: Oh no! Not my brother, he’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise

Woman: Well that isn’t so bad, and what did he name the boy?

Doctor: Den...

Me: It’s not how many times you fall down. It’s how many times you get back up.

Cop: Sir, that’s not how sobriety tests work.

Why did the nearsighted woman fall into a well?

Because she couldn't see that well.

So far, Humpty Dumpty is having a terrible winter

Which sucks because he had a great fall

Why can’t you wear Ukrainian underwear?

Because Chernobyl Fallout.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

What's yellow and hurts when it falls in your eye?

A bulldozer

A kid falls into a well.

After a few hours, a man walks by and hears shouting. He walks over to the well and yells "Is somebody down there?"

"Yes, please help me!"

"Okay, I called 911 and they're on the way. How old are you? What's it like down there?"

"I'm 14 and this is deep!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into a seedy bar in NYC, sits down, and says to the guy next to him, "Did you know you can jump off the Empire State Building and survive the fall?"...

The second gentleman sitting at the bar laughs and says sarcastically, "Suuuure you can".

The first guys says, "No I'm serious. On a windy day, like today, the surrounding buildings create this strange air current near the ground which cushions your fall. You land gently on your feet, light a...

How to fall down stairs:

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4

Step 14

Ice started to fall from the sky the other day...

Oh hail no.

Why did the blind villager fall into the watering hole?

because they couldn't see that well

^^^_yes_i_know^^^

Why did the blind man fall 50 feet and drown?

He didn’t see that well.

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A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them:

"Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line."

And they do so. St. P...

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was fucking dead.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's green and will kill you if it falls from a tree?

A fucking pool table

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into water?

Because if they fell forward they'd fall in the boat.

I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...

...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...

I am a builder from Sioux Falls, and I was recently in Madrid at a local tavern, and couldn’t believe the amount of code violations in their building practices. This led me to accept that they are their own culture and....

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn condition.

What do you call a person who falls for a tech support scam?

An Indian giver.

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears

my illegal logging business is a success.

What do you call it when your feet fall asleep?

Coma - toes.

Why did Rome Fall?

Because it slipped on some Greece.

When a man falls out of your boat and into the water, you should yell "man overboard". What should you yell if a woman falls into the water?

**Full speed ahead!**

How to fall down the stairs

Step1
Step2
Step3
Step6
Step12

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree.

He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

     "Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.

     "Boy," is the man's response.

     "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows u...

Knock knock

Why did sally fall off the swing?
Because I threw a fridge at her

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a mountain.

Ba dum tsss

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing

65% of my emails aren't going out

How do rugs fall in love?

They get swept off their feet.

A big moron and a little moron are sitting on a fence the big moron falls off but the little moron doesn’t

Which makes sense because he was a little moron

There was a woman who lived alone all year round because her husband was a navy seal. The house was near a train station and whenever the train passed, the wardrobe that was in the bedroom would fall.

So one day the woman calls a carpenter: "You know," she says, "whenever the train passes, the wardrobe falls and... ". Before the woman completes the sentence, the train passes and the wardrobe immediately falls down.

The carpenter seems to know the solution to the problem: "Leave it to me, I...

What falls on 2/22/2222?

A 2’s day.

Did you hear about the guy who survived going over Niagara Falls?

He barrel-y made it.

How to warn Pitbull of a falling tree?

Timber!

A girl had her bag open and a calculator fell out. I picked it up and said “excuse me , I think this is yours. I saw it fall out of your bag”

“that adds up” she said

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A middle aged lady had a fall and went into a coma.

While in coma, she had a near death experience in which she spoke to God.

"You've been very kind and generous" said God. "I'll give send you back and give you many more years on earth." Poof! She was sent back and fully recovered.

She decided to get a facelift, a nose job, boob job, an...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy falls in love with a very traditional girl.....

A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl, that means no sex before marriage. But he doesn't care, he loves her. After a year or two of dating he decides its time to propose. So he heads to her fathers house to ask his permission.

"Hello, sir, I'm here to ask for your ...

A Woman, pregnant with twins, falls down the stairs and is in a coma.

In the hospital she wakes from her coma in a panic to find that she is no longer pregnant. They babies are out of her belly and gone!

A doctor soon enters the room with the frantic woman.

"Take it easy miss. Everything is fine. You were in a coma. But we were able to safely birth your ...

Why don’t Soviets wear boxer shorts?

Because Chernobyl fall out

Girl, did you fall from a vending machine?

Cause you look like you accept quarters

I saw a telephone wire starting to fall on someones car the other day on my way home from work but I don't think they noticed

They would be in for a shock

What does a tree that’s about to fall need?

Lumber Support

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof

So he looks up the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he"ll be there in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a huge, ferocious lookin...

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery

One Sunday ,in the pulpit, he said

"If I hear one more person confess to adultery I'll quit."

However since everyone liked they came with a code word so that he didnt know. So Someone who had committed adultery would say they had fallen.

This satisfy the old priest until he die...

A brunette and a blonde fall down a well.

“It’s dark down here, isn’t it?” says the brunette.

“I’m not sure, I can’t see,” replies the blonde.

We should've known communism would fall.

There were a lot of red flags.

I was supposed to fall asleep in 18 minutes

But 6 minutes later I was dozen off

Why did the sheep all fall asleep before bed time?

They tried to do a head count.

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree?

It was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the first monkey.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure.

What chord does a piano play when it falls on a child

A flat minor

A Spanish physician renowned for his ability to cure anybody and everybody falls ill.

“It’s unfortunate, but I don’t think he’ll make it” says one of his patients, that was cured from an untreatable disease.

Everyone agrees, and proceeds to tell stories about how he was able to do anything.

“He cured me of my back pain” a woman says.

“...and he saved my son after...

What do you get when a cow falls into a hole

A pitbul

I can fall asleep really fast after I whack off

It's really come in handy

Why do we listen to white noise to fall asleep?

Because black noise hits too hard and rattles the windows

What’s the difference between a man falling from a 40 story building and a 4 story building?

One goes: “Ahhhhhhhhh.... Splat”
And the other goes: “Splat....Ahhhhhhhhh”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The ...

Do you know what catches a Russian acrobat when they fall?

"Nyet."

Why did the drug addict fall over?

He tripped.

Here's a step-by-step guide on how to fall down the stairs.

Step 20

Step 19

Step 18

Step 15

Step 12

Step 9

Step 4

Step 1