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Celebration Jokes

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In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...

In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:

A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.

The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has ...

A happy couple was once celebrating their first anniversary...

And during the entire celebration, the husband carried his wife on his back. When a friend asked why he was doing this, the man replied, "I'm a turtle." The friend then asked about his wife, to which he replied, "Oh, her? She's Michelle."

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Celebration.

Young man goes into a bar and says, "Bartender, three shots of Goldschlagger."

The bartender pours the drinks and the young man drinks them in rapid succession, grimacing with each shot, and then asks for another.

The bartender says, "Sure, kid. What's the occasion?"

The young m...

During a church's 100th anniversary celebration, the local priest invited former priests and the bishop to attend.

At one point, he called the children to gather at the altar and spoke to them about the significance of the day.

He began by asking them, 'Does anyone know what the bishop does?'

There was silence. Finally a little boy responded in a serious tone, "He's the one you can move diagonally...

A special celebration...

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on...

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Celebration

A man goes into a bar and orders A beer.
Lady next to him - What a coincidence, I also ordered a beer.
Man - I'm celebrating.
Lady - Me too.
Man - What a coincidence! Why are you celebrating?
Lady - My husband & I have been trying 4 yrs for a baby. Today I'm pregnant. ...

How long should a celebration be?

I reckon about yay long

An English man and an Irish man are driving head-on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast

for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fe...

This year's Fibonacci celebrations are going to be huge

As big as the previous two combined

Celebrations were held at NASA today

After the Curiosity rover had discovered feline life on the Planet Mars


Celebrations were wild and rampant until the rover made an unexpected turn and ran over the creature.


A NASA employee was heard saying "Turns out Curiosity Killed the cat"

Circumcision celebration

After performing a circumcision, a rabbi joined the family at a restaurant to celebrate.

As they were leaving, the rabbi ran back into the restaurant. A waiter asked, "Everything ok?"

The rabbi answered, "I forgot to leave the tip!"

'Where's Wally' celebration day!

Event expected to draw large crowds.

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Coincidental celebrations

A chicken farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman on the stool next to him perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too! "
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day f...

Shortest birthday celebration?

My sixty-second birthday party.

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I went to a bar for a New Year's celebration and took a cab home.

I went to a bar for a New Year's celebration and took a cab home. Came upon a DUI checkpoint, and when they saw the cab, they just waved us pass. After a while I made it home safely, which is surprising because I've never driven a cab.

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy.

Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

Puzzle Celebration

Two idiots walk into a bar. They tell the bartender drinks for everyone on us. The bartender asked what is the special occasion. The two gentleman say we just finished a puzzle in 6 months. The bartender says "6 months"! that's a long time. The two gentlemen reply "on the side of the box it says 2 t...

My wife is turning 32 soon...

I’ve told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. “After all,” I said, “The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

I said, “It’s your thirty-second birthday.”

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

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Celebration

Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."


Husband says: "Looks like he’s still fuc...

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A TV crew went to interview the oldest man living in a small village

"Can you tell us what was the happiest moment you can remember?"

"That was when Mary Jones got lost on the hills over there. We organized a search party and when we found her we were so happy that we had a special celebration, everybody got drunk and all the men in the village fucked Mary Jon...

John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.

At trial, the judge condemns ...

Early last February this year, I learned that National Grammar Day is celebrated on March 4th; I was looking forward to celebrating with some friends of mine in Toledo, Ohio...

...I made the trip from Nevada by car; it was a wonderful celebration. My friends Jerry, Susan, and Cynthia organized a wonderful event consisting of a host of grammar related activities: proof-reading, sentence structuring, and more.

Susan also turned out to be a wonderful cook; she prepared...

The month after pride month is my other favourite celebration...

Wrath.

My grandmother's favorite joke

A priest dies and arrives in heaven. Here, a couple of angels greet him, shake his hand, and welcome him.

A few moments later, a drunken Peruvian bus driver appears. He is welcomed with a celebration, fireworks, and God himself comes to welcome him.

At this point, the priest, somewhat...

The New Year's celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.

They really dropped the ball this year.

A rich, but cheap father was putting together a birthday celebration for his daughter.

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it o...

If something goes wrong with the 4th of July celebration at Mt. Rushmore...

It will be a monumental disaster.

So Prince Andrew is missing the celebrations due to Covid

A spokeman has said he just had a minor tickle.

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