This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.
Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...
An elderly couple was celebrating their 50th anniversary.
It was a beautiful thing to see.
Amid the jolly celebrations, the old man leaned closer to his wife and softly whispered, "Dear, we have been married for 50 years now, and I want to assure you that these past 50 years were the happiest time of my life. But there's one thing that has always be...
In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has ...
A rich, but cheap father was putting together a birthday celebration for his daughter.
A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.
He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.
"Why not get it o...
What do you call a celebration for bubble tea at Comic Con?
A special celebration...
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on...
This year's Fibonacci celebrations are going to be huge
As big as the previous two combined
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.
There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...
Pride: gets an entire month of celebration
The other 6 deadly sins:
If something goes wrong with the 4th of July celebration at Mt. Rushmore...
It will be a monumental disaster.
Wedding anniversary gifts can be pricey: 5 year celebration gift is Silverware, 15 years are Rubies and Pearls are 30. Now, at 31 years there is finally one I can get behind,
we're going to Baskin-Robbins.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
I once went on a business trip to china, while there I ordered myself a prostitute. Half way though she was screaming in delight “meee how” meeee hooow” and I thought to myself “she’s loving this”
Just the next day out golfing with a few clients when I hit a ball from the edge of the green to roll on the hole perfectly, of course I couldn’t speak mandarin so I screamed the only happy words I knew “Mee how” “meeeeehow”, whilst celebration one of my colleges comes over and says “no you’ve got t...
There were once three square kingdoms on different sides of a triangular river.
One night, the king of the first kingdom invited all the people of all three kingdoms over to the castle to celebrate his daughter’s 18th birthday. All the people of the kingdoms were enjoying themselves, until an argument between the three kings broke out between whose daughter was the most beautif...
'Where's Wally' celebration day!
Event expected to draw large crowds.
Comedy = Tragedy + Time
Because every joke is a celebration that we're all still here to laugh about it. Here's to someday laughing at today's tragedies.
An assistant to Donald Trump
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.** **There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** **Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.** **Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...
In Celebration of my Cake Day, here's a terrible joke: the Olympic Swimmer and his Son
Michael was a famous Olympic Swimmer. Recently retired, it was his dream to continue his legacy by teaching his son the art of swimming. They had practiced for years, and when Michael's son was ready, he was entered into his first ever tournament.
The first round was easy. After all, t...
Really annoyed my Wife last week by opening a box of celebrations...
I changed all of the wrappers around.
She really got her Snickers in a Twix!
Shortest birthday celebration?
My sixty-second birthday party.
It's my cake day, and in celebration I am giving away all my dead batteries,
Free of charge.
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th
Because I like to reduce fractions.
Happy New Year
Just texted my Girlfriend to see if she was coming over tonight after her family Christmas celebration.
She texted, "Let me guess, Netflix and chill."
I responded, "No baby, I upgraded to Disney Plus and Thrust"
After a terrible shipwreck, a man found himself alone on an island. He went about the island in search of food and shelter. After a long walk, the man froze in terror as he saw a tribe of cannibals in the middle of a celebration...
The man thought to himself, "I’m so screwed!" To his surprise, a bright light came from the heavens and a deep voice said to him "Not yet my son, listen very carefully: what you have to do is; run up to the chief of the tribe, kick him in the nuts, and take his spear. As soon as you take his spear, ...
A couple had been married for 35 years,
the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish.The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic ...
If there is a violent riot tonight in Philadelphia
Then we won't really know if it is in protest or celebration