[Long] He wanted this to be an amazing event, so he made sure to hire the best orchestra around. The director was world renowned to have the most amazing musicians.
The day of the celebration came, but when the orchestra started to play, it was terrible. Kim was so mad, he ordered the...
A Russian diplomat was visiting Washington DC
While there, he was invited to a large dinner celebration being held by members of the US government. As he entered the dining hall, he was taken aback by the decor. It was very impressive. Everyone was served fillet mignon. The plates forks and knives were real silver. A small band was playing clas...
It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy.
Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.
This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.
Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...
Three blondes are driving down the street in a little car and get in an accident in which they all die. They awake to find themselves at the gates of Heaven, with Saint Peter smiling sweetly. He welcomes them and announces "ladies, before me I have the book of life. In it, i can see you've done some...
In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has ...
A rich, but cheap father was putting together a birthday celebration for his daughter.
A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.
He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.
"Why not get it o...
John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.
Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.
At trial, the judge condemns ...
A group of blondes walk into a bar
They immediately start to set up what looks like a big celebration; they order numerous pitchers of beer, then push tables together, one of them even hangs a big banner over it. As they're celebrating, the bartender notices that the banner says **"51 DAYS!"**
Curious, he walks over to the cel...
This year's Fibonacci celebrations are going to be huge
As big as the previous two combined
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.
There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...
An elderly couple was celebrating their 50th anniversary.
It was a beautiful thing to see.
Amid the jolly celebrations, the old man leaned closer to his wife and softly whispered, "Dear, we have been married for 50 years now, and I want to assure you that these past 50 years were the happiest time of my life. But there's one thing that has always be...
What do you call a celebration for bubble tea at Comic Con?
A special celebration...
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on...
If something goes wrong with the 4th of July celebration at Mt. Rushmore...
It will be a monumental disaster.
Wedding anniversary gifts can be pricey: 5 year celebration gift is Silverware, 15 years are Rubies and Pearls are 30. Now, at 31 years there is finally one I can get behind,
we're going to Baskin-Robbins.
'Where's Wally' celebration day!
Event expected to draw large crowds.
One guy goes to India and visits a monastery
He saw some old monks meditating around the garden but was perplexed not to see any young monks around. "Is Buddhism dying?", he thought. Right after that, he sees a young monk entering a building with some bags of flour and sugar and decides to follow him.
What he found was stunning. On one...
Queen's birthday celebrations are cancelled for the first time.
In 100 years she will remember it and laugh
After a terrible shipwreck, a man found himself alone on an island. He went about the island in search of food and shelter. After a long walk, the man froze in terror as he saw a tribe of cannibals in the middle of a celebration...
The man thought to himself, "I’m so screwed!" To his surprise, a bright light came from the heavens and a deep voice said to him "Not yet my son, listen very carefully: what you have to do is; run up to the chief of the tribe, kick him in the nuts, and take his spear. As soon as you take his spear, ...
It's my cake day, and in celebration I am giving away all my dead batteries,
Free of charge.
In Celebration of my Cake Day, here's a terrible joke: the Olympic Swimmer and his Son
Michael was a famous Olympic Swimmer. Recently retired, it was his dream to continue his legacy by teaching his son the art of swimming. They had practiced for years, and when Michael's son was ready, he was entered into his first ever tournament.
The first round was easy. After all, t...
Really annoyed my Wife last week by opening a box of celebrations...
I changed all of the wrappers around.
She really got her Snickers in a Twix!
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th
Because I like to reduce fractions.
Happy New Year
Shortest birthday celebration?
My sixty-second birthday party.