This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One night I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. Like really? Wtf dude?!

I was gonna eat that, but now it just tastes like carrots

Carrots are good for your eyes.

But enough alcohol doubles your eyesight.

Why do carrots make your sight better?

Because they have Vitamin See.

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A man wins a lifetime supply of carrots,

After learning about this fortunate occurence, he celebrated and patiently awaited the arrival of the tasty product.

A few days later, he heard knocking at his door and investigated. A delivery man offered him 12 bags of carrots, congratulated him on his winnings, and left.

This contin...

Walked in on my cousin pleasuring herself with a carrot today...

I was mad because I had planned on eating that later, now it’s just gonna taste like carrots..

Two women were harvesting carrots

One woman pulled out a huge carrot and showed it to the other woman.

"This one reminds me of my husband."

"Oh - so big?"

"No - so dirty."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I walked in on my sister last night masturbating with a carrot.

I shouted, "Fuck, seriously?! I was going to eat that later, but now it will just taste like carrots!"

John says to his friend: did you know, carrots are good for your eyes!

How are you so sure about that? Asks his friend. Well, John replies, have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

A man went to a doctors office with carrots sticking out of his nose, and broccoli coming out of his ears.

The doctor took one look at him and said, “Well I can tell right away you‘re not eating right.”

Once upon a time there was a monk, who farmed carrots.

Every day a thief would sneak into his farm and steal 3 carrots. The monk always tried to stop him, but never succeeded. He began to wonder why the thief was stealing exactly 3 carrots each time. He decided he was going to stop the thief. He started chasing him through the fields, but got outran ver...

Carrots may be good....

Carrots may be good for your eyes but booze will double your vision.

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A family of carrots, Mama Carrot, Daddy Carrot, and Baby Carrot, were walking down a road when truck swerved and hit baby carrot.

A family of carrots, Mama Carrot, Daddy Carrot, and Baby Carrot, were walking down a road when a truck swerved and hit baby carrot.

They immediately called an ambulance and baby carrot was rushed to the hospital. As Momma Carrot and Daddy Carrot waited in anticipation, they watched as the do...

Why was the snowman looking through a pile of carrots?

He was picking his nose

Why do sailors eat so many carrots?

It helps them sea better.

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Brother: Stop eating all the carrots.

Me: I like Carrots

Brother: I like pussy but I don't eat it all the time

Me: You can't like something you've never tried

Aldi recently copied Lidl's idea to reduce their prices on courgettes, cucumbers, carrots, celery, celeriac, cabbage and cauliflower, and now they're being fined for breaking piracy laws.

It's because they sale'd the seven Cs.

I had a dream I was attacked in my kitchen by a giant head of cabbage. I grabbed a knife and stabbed, hacked, and slashed at it, but it still kept coming! I threw a jar of mayonnaise at it, to no avail -- then I hurled a bag of carrots, but nothing would stop it! In the end...

I fought the slaw and the slaw won.

I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids...

Apparently she left me two days ago.

I went to Coles to buy a cabbage but apparently it’s a legal requirement to buy mayonnaise and carrots too.

It’s Coles Law.

Why are potatoes better than your vision than carrots?

Because they start their life in an eye.

A Carrot is hosting a party

A carrot is hosting a party.

The first to arrive is Carrot's friend Apple, but accompanying him is somebody Carrot does not know. They look just like Apple, but green instead, and so, carrots says, "Hello Apple, who might your friend be?".

The new fellow replies, "Hello, I am also Appl...

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There I stood wearing a coat of carrots and a hat made of cauliflower.

"What the fuck is this?" asked my wife.

I said, "You told me to put the vegetables on."

A guy walks into a bar with carrots in his ears

So a guy walks into a bar with carrots in his ears, he takes a seat at the bar, the bartender then notices the carrots in the man's ears. The bartender walks over to the man and asks,
"Why do you have carrots in your ears?"
To which the man replies,
"Sorry, I can't hear you I have carrots ...

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Two carrots are out for a drive in the country

Two carrots are out for a drive in the country
And they're having the time of their lives. They're going fast around the curves and letting the wind in their stalks, just loving it. All of a sudden, they get in a pretty horrific crash and are then rushed to the hospital. One of the carrots is ok...

What's invisible and smells of carrots?

Rabbit farts.

A man gives a kid baby carrots on Halloween.

The kid hands them back.
The man says, "why did you do that?
The kid says,"exactly."

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3 guys are shipwrecked on an island full of cannibals

The cannibals catch them and say"bring us 10 fruits or we will kill you" the first man comes back with ten carrots the cannibals tell him"we'll stick them all up your ass if you dont move a muscle we'll let you live" they force the first one up his ass he doesnt say anything but as soon as they tou...

TIL Humans eat more carrots than rabbits

I can't remember the last time I ate a rabbit

What are flying carrots most afraid of?

Helichopters.

One day, two carrots were walking down the street...

They were the best of friends.

Just as they started to step off the curb, a car came speeding around the corner and ran one of them over.

The unhurt carrot called an ambulance and helped his friend as best he could.

He was rushed away and taken to the emergecy room at the hos...

How do you turn soup to gold?

Add 24 carrots

A man walks in to a green grocer's

"Excuse me ma'am, are these carrots genetically modified?"

"No" interrupted the carrot.

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I think Oranges were named before Carrots

"What are these?"

"They're orange....oranges"

"What about these"

"Shit....long pointys???"

Demitri Martin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYVrp_GsinE

How do you know carrots improve your vision?

Cause you've never seen any bunnies with glasses