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A woman walked into a supermarket to buy some broccoli..

She went up to a man in the vegetable department and said, 'Sir, do you have any broccoli?' 


The man replied, 'No, ma'am, none today. Come back tomorrow.' 


A few hours later, the woman was back again, asking the man, 'Sir, do you have any broccoli?'
'Look, lady, I already to...

Broccoli: I look like a tree

Mushroom: wow I look like an umbrella!

Wallnut: I look exactly like a brain!

Banana: Man can we change the topic please

The Broccoli Joke

A woman goes to a super market with her grocery list. On the list is broccoli so she goes to the produce aisle, but to her dismay there was no broccoli to be found. So she finds an employee stacking shelves and asks the guy where she could find some broccoli. The guy tells her that they were current...

A man went to a doctors office with carrots sticking out of his nose, and broccoli coming out of his ears.

The doctor took one look at him and said, “Well I can tell right away you‘re not eating right.”

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Broccoli is like anal.

If they force you while you're a kid, you won't like it as an adult.

Broccoli

A broccoli looks into the trunk of his new car and sees he has an extra tire.

he says "oh look I have a-spar-a-gus."

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What do anal sex and broccoli have in common?

If you’re forced to have either as a child, you won’t enjoy it as an adult.

One of my favorite jokes ever I learned off of Reddit.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Little kids don't eat broccoli.

Brock Turner sounds like a dish made from broccoli and turnips...

Which is fitting because he prefers his women to be in vegetative states!

Me: Do you like broccoli?

"No."
"Do you like curry?"
"No."
"Then you won't like what I did?"
"Did you cook broccoli or curry for me?"
"No, I banged your sister."

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What's similar about broccoli and anal?

No matter how much butter you use, kids will never like it

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What's the similarity between sodomy and broccoli?

Even with butter, children will still not like them

Why could the tomatoe outrun the broccoli?

Because he wasn't a vegetable.

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: A Melonccoli.

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Anal sex is a lot like broccoli.

If you don't like it at home, you're really gonna hate it in the school cafeteria.

Chinese 69

As told to me by the father of the groom at a wedding last weekend; he apparently offended the parents of the bride with the same joke the night before. He was getting my opinion as to whether it was really all that offensive.

> A Chinese guy is having trouble falling asleep. Finally at 2a...

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A boy, his father and his mother are having dinner. But the boy doesn't want to eat his broccoli.

-Eat your broccoli! - says the mother.

-NO! - exclaims the boy.

The father then leans toward the boy and whispers something in his ear. The boy quickly eats his broccoli and goes into his room.

-What did you tell him?

-I told him that if he didn't ate his broccoli, his di...

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Do you have any broccoli?

A lady walks into a grocery store and goes to the produce isle. She frantically looks around for broccoli, but to no avail. She finds a stock employee, and goes to him and asks, "Do you have any broccoli? " the employee replies "sorry ma'am, I don't believe we do right now."

she accepts this...

What did the cauliflower bank robber say to the broccoli getaway driver?

Floret.

Eat Your Broccoli

Little Johnny is having dinner with his family. He's eating everything except broccoli. His dad notices it and says, "Johnny, if you eat your broccoli, your pee-pee will grow big." Suddenly, Mom turns around and gives Dad a big slap.

Dad: What was that for?

Mom: For not eating your bro...

Broccoli

One day a grocery store clerk was packing some produce when a woman approached him,

Woman: "Excuse me sir, I can't seem to find the broccoli. Could you point me in the right direction?"
Man: "Sorry ma'am, we are out until tomorrow morning when the shipment arrives. Check back tomorrow."...

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A joke about.........broccoli!!!!

So there's this guy working in the produce section of a grocery store, and a lady comes up to him and asks, "Excuse me sir, but I can't seem to find your broccoli. Could you tell me where it is?"

The man goes, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we're out of broccoli, we'll have some in tomorrow morning." ...

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Broccoli Joke

A young man was working at a grocery store, stocking shelves, when a woman approached him and asked where the broccoli was. He nicely replied, "We actually just ran out ma'am but we'll have some in first thing tomorrow." The woman thanked him and left.

About ten minutes later she returned an...

A blind man walks into the restaurant..

The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dis...

Things were going really well with this lovely Chinese girl I'd taken home when she asked if there was anything I'd like. I said "I'd love a 69"

She slapped my face, burst into tears and threw me out, screaming "You bloody men are all the same...!

"I'm not making beef and broccoli at this time of night!"

A Chinese couple are in bed fooling around. The husband says " I wanna sixty-nine!"

The wife says "You want Beef and Broccoli now?"

A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator.

On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."

On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."

The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says...

Broccoli joke

So a woman walks into a grocery store and asks "do you have any broccoli" no says the guy stocking shelves. So the woman leaves. So the woman came back the next day and asked the same question, again the guy said no. So again the woman came back and asked again, so the guy finally said can you spel...

An old woman is

Riding in an elevator in a very lavish building in New York City. The elevator stops, and the doors open. A young and beautiful woman smelling of expensive perfume gets on. The young woman haughtily sneers at the old woman and says, “Romance” by Ralph Lauren. 150 dollars an ounce!”

The old w...

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A lady is in the grocery store and looks like she's having trouble finding what she needs.

An employee from the store sees this and asks if she needs help finding anything. The lady asks where she can find broccoli. The employee apologizes and tells her that they are fresh out but should be getting another shipment in the next morning. The next afternoon the lady is back at the store and ...

The owner of a Chinese restaurant stumbled home drunk at 3 am after a bachelor party.

He crawled into bed and, feeling a little frisky, whispered into his wife’s ear, “Hey, honey, how about a little 69?”

His wife rolled over and looked at him. “It’s 3 am,” she replied, “and you want me to make chicken with broccoli?”

A Chinese delivery guy has a regular customer that he thinks is gorgeous.

He sees her at least once a week, and after a long while he finally works up the nerve to ask her out on a date. She agrees, and a week later the two meet up for dinner. Everything goes well and they wind up back at her place. Soon, it starts getting hot and heavy as they kiss and remove their cloth...

I man and his wife own a chinese resturant together

On their anniversary the man says to his wife "We can do whatever you want tonight since its our anniversary" she said "how about we do a little 69 tonight" the man looked confused and said "you want the beef and broccoli?"

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A man is working in the produce section of a grocery store when an elderly woman approaches him...

“Excuse me, young man. Where is the broccoli?” The man says, “Sorry ma’am, but we just ran out. Please come back tomorrow and we should have some more.”
A bit confused, the old woman walks away.

A few minutes later, the same woman approaches the man again.
“Pardon me, I don’t see the ...

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A grocer is arranging vegetables in the produce section of his store..

When a woman taps him on the shoulder to say "Excuse me, sir, but where would I find some broccoli?" The man replies "Ma'am, I'm sorry but we just ran out of broccoli. The woman nods and leaves the man to arrange the vegetables.

A few minutes later, the same woman taps the grocer on the shou...

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A Chinese couple get married

The young bride is a virgin and on the wedding night cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring. " My darling, I know this is your first time and you are frightened ... I promise you, I will do anything you want. What do you want?"
...

A sweet young girl walks into an elevator at Macy's, trailing a cloud of expensive perfume.

She brags to the elderly woman who was inside, Coco Chanel $900 per ounce.

The lift reaches the second floor where the old lady is about to get off. As she steps out of the elevator, she rips out a rumbling fart. Trailing a heavy cloud, she smiles sweetly and announces, broccoli, 49 cents a p...

Democracy

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner: pizza or tacos .

They picked pizza.

So I made steamed broccoli because that's what we get after we are done voting.

(Blatant copy from another joke)

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Girl friend of a boy starts farting at the dinning table...and she feels that no one has noticed it.....but....

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is tobe her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains...

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A woman goes to a greengrocers.

She asks the clerk "Can I have some broccoli?"

The clerk says "I'm sorry but I don't have any broccoli. Would you like celery instead?"

The woman says "No thanks, I'll just have some broccoli."

"Ma'am I don't think you understand, I don't have any broccoli. Perhaps some cabbage?...

A young man picks up a Chinese girl...

...after a few drinks, he sees her home, she invites him in, pretty soon they are in a clinch on the sofa, things are getting hot and steamy and their clothes are starting to come off. She grins at him saucily and says "Anything you would like?", he thinks for a moment and then says "I'd love a 69!"...

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Restocking the vegetables...

A grocer is restocking the vegetables when a woman taps him on the shoulder and says “Excuse me Sir, but where do you keep the broccoli?” The man replies “Well ma’am we’re out of broccoli today, but we get some more tomorrow so come back then.” The woman nods and walks away while the grocer continue...

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Chinese Newlyweds

A Chinese couple just got married. It was their first night together as man and wife, and they had never had sex before. The wife was very nervous, and the husband just wants her to feel comfortable.


Husband: "We will do whatever you want."

Wife: "OK, I want to try 69"

Husba...

A man, his wife, and his son are having dinner....

when their son refuses to eat the broccoli on his plate. His mother attempts to convince him to eat it, but to no avail.
The father suddenly says, "Don't worry, I've got this."
He stares at the child and says,
"!iloccorb ruoy taE"
His son then proceeds to casually eat his vegetables....

I asked my doctor how bad my breath is.

"You see that broccoli over there?" he pointed.

"Yes..." I replied.

"That was a cauliflower before you started talking."

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A man tells his wife to run an errand

He says to his wife "Go to the store and pick up some broccoli."
So she heads to the local super market in search of the broccoli.

When she gets there she asks a man at the front desk

"Excuse me sir, where is the broccoli?"

He says "I'm sorry ma'am were out of broccoli."
...

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A lady walks into a grocery store.

She says hello and looks around the place for five minutes. Finally she walks up to the owner and says,

'Good morning sir. I was wondering if you have any broccoli left.'

'Really sorry ma'am, we're fresh out of broccoli. We might have some more tomorrow.'

'Oh. I see.'

Des...

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The Chinese 69 (Slightly NSFW)

A chinese couple get married. But theres one problem...shes a virgin and the man isn't very experienced either. The bed sheets are ready and the magic is about to happen.

The husband says, "What You Want? Tell me and I GIVE YOU!"
The wife says, "I want what they call..... 6^9..."
The hu...

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A guy decides to go down on a prostitute for no reason…

He's having fun until he feels like he's got a piece of food stuck in his teeth. Sure enough, he pulls out a little bit of broccoli.

"That's strange, I don't remember the last time I ate broccoli."

He keeps going and again, something stuck in his teeth. Carrots.

"It's been a rea...

A Newly Wed Chinese Couple Go on Their Honeymoon

They get to the hotel late. The bride is visibly nervous and the groom is patiently and lovingly trying to reassure her.

He says "You don't need to worry about anything. Anything you want, I do for you."

Feeling a bit calmer she inquisitively looks at him and says "anything?"

"A...

A man marries a Chinese restaurant waitress...

On their wedding night, she says to him -

Bride: "Dear husband, I want to give you anything you want! Just name it!"

Groom: "Ooh, that's tough to chose. OK, I really want a sixty nine."

Bride (confused): "You want beef broccoli *now*?"

What is the name of Bruce Lee's crippled brother?

Broccoli

My daughter can be so cruel...

Her: Hey dad, what is the difference between broccoli and boogers?

Me: I don't know, what?

Her (pointing at me): YOU, don't eat your broccoli!

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So a woman is looking lost in the produce section of a grocery store...

So a man that works there approaches her and asks “Can I help you find something?” “Yes, can you please tell me where I can find the broccoli?” she asks. “Oh I’m sorry ma’am, we’re all out of broccoli right now but we will be receiving a new shipment tomorrow”. A few minutes go by, but the woman con...

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One Liners

Q. What's better than winning the gold at the Paralympics?

A. Having both your legs.

__

Two gay guys were driving down the street when a truck comes around the corner and hits them. One of them jumps out of the car and yells at the burly tatooed truck driver "We're gonna sue su...

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Grocery shopping

An old lady walks into her local grocery store and starts browsing through the produce section. The stock boy notices and approaches her to ask if he can help. The old lady responds, "I'm looking to buy some broccoli." The stock boy responds, "I'm terribly sorry ma'am but we are entirely out of broc...

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When an old woman goes to the grocer.

A elderly woman makes a trip to the greengrocer down the block. A friendly employee sees her browsing the various vegetables and asks, "Excuse me, ma'am, can I help you find something?"

The old woman, without hesitation, replies, "Yes, you can! I'd like to buy a pound of broccoli."

"...

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Angel's Food vs. Devil's Food

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream ...

A guy picks up a waitress at a Chinese restaurant...

A guy picks up an innocent, young waitress at a Chinese restaurant and after a night out gets her back to his place. After some fooling around he's ready for action and says, "How's about a little sixty-nine?" to which she replies, "You want broccoli with beef?!"

Who did E.coli call after it lost a fight in school?

Broccoli

SWEET PERFUME

A high class looking woman sat down next to me on the train. I took in a breath and asked aloud, 'What's that smell?'
She turned to me, looked down her nose and said, 'Chanel, 500 dollars an ounce." She turned away.
About 10 minutes later, I let out a silent fart. She turns to me and asks ,Wh...

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So this guys working in the produce department in the grocery store and a lady walks up

(If you can, watch Harrison Ford telling this joke here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRHWvVBxWCw)


So this guys working in the produce department in the grocery store and a lady walks up and she says: “Excuse me.”

He says: “Yes?”

She says: “Where’s the broccoli, I can’t fi...

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