I've just applied for a job in a salad packing factory.

The hours are terrible, but apparently the celery is good.

One salad: $3, three salads: $10!

At the market place, a seller advertises "1 salad for $3, 3 salads for $10".

A customer passing by stops and speaks with the seller:

-That's not right!

-What do you mean?

-Well, that's not an offer: 3 salads cost $9.

-No, sir, it says here that 3 salads cost $10.<...

What did the DJ say at the Salad Bar?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

What do you get when you cross a sad dog and a fruit salad?

A Mellon Collie

What kind of salad dressing does a sneaky burglar use?

Hidden Alley Ranch.

What gets all shook up and comes on your salad?

Elvis Parsley.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Salads are a lot like orgasms...

They're always better when someone else makes them.

I make a pretty good corn salad...

In fact it's amaizeing.

what is an cannibal octopus' favorite salad

octopus salad. kind of obvious.

I made a Salad for 23 people to destroy

It was a Caesar salad

What does the god Set eat with his salad?

Horus d’oeuvres.

Excuse me waiter, there’s a problem with my salad...

I think it needs addressing

her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please.

**waiter:** of course

**me:** it didn’t say it had nuts

**her:** I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe

**me:** that makes sense

**waiter:** and for you?

**me:** steak, no bees, please.

I still can't understand why my wife was disappointed with my choice of salad dressing

I used the finest tuxedo!

I made a chicken salad yesterday

"was it any good?"

I don't think so, he only ate the croutons

Q: How do you turn a regular salad into a ceaser salad ?

A: Just stab it 23 times

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Going to a restaurant to eat salad

Is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

Why didn’t the fruit salad get sunburnt?

Because it had plenty of melon in.

I had a disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad

>!I was tossing all night!<

Why was the salad wearing a cowboy outfit?

It was trying out the ranch dressing.

Honey, the salad tastes funny... Are you sure you washed the veggies?

Of course I did! Can't you see the soap bubbles?

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?"

The bartender replies "$1". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's "$4.20". The guy still amazed then orders everything and after h...

What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad!

How can you tell a woman is really ugly?

A cannibal takes one look at her and orders a salad.

What’s an atom’s favorite salad topping?

Croutons

A man walks into his favorite restaurant…

He sits down and orders a medium rare ribeye steak. As he’s eating, he looks up and sees a woman giving him a dirty look. The man assumes the woman is a vegetarian since she is only eating a large bowl of salad and greens.
The man tries to ignore her but after a few uncomfortable minutes he puts...

When is it acceptable for a nose to be in a salad?

When it’s a snowman’s nose!!

Tom: Hey, do you like fruits?

James: Not really.

Tom: And salad?

James: Not much.

Tom: Then you’re not gonna like what I did.

James: What? You made fruit salad?

Tom: Nah, I made out with your wife.

Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!

Have a good afternoon!

I came home from work.

Me to wife, I have to go to the doctor, I think I may have covid.

Wife: What makes you think that.

Me: I can't smell my dinner cooking.

Wife: While you are at the doctors get him to check you for Alzheimer's.



Me: What do you mean?

Wife: I told you this morn...

What's the coldest salad made with

Iceberg lettuce

Have you heard of the salad crisis in Hungary?

The situation really needs a dressing!

What does a Redditor eat on a salad?

Blue cheese.

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A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $18.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket an...

How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad?

Stab it twenty three times.

I have done some research, and discovered what food you are most likely to die of a heart attack.

"Caesar Salad."


[OC.]

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were sitting around talking about how much they hate their lives

The cucumber said, "man my life sucks the most, whenever i get big, fat, and juicy someone chops me up and throws me in a salad. The pickle speaks up, "man you dont know shit, when i get big, fat, and juicy someone sticks me in vinegar, covers me in spices, and closes me in a jar. The penis has had ...

For dinner tonight, don’t forget to stab your Caesar salad 23 times.

Today is the Ides of March.

Why did the guy want to ride a horse while eating salad?

Because he loved the ranch

It's traditional to have have a salad on your wedding night.

Lettuce be seen without dressing.

I made a chicken salad this morning.

The stupid thing won't even eat it.

There was once a chicken who was in a loving relationship with a salad. Unfortunately, the salad died and went to heaven. A few years later, the chicken got run over trying to cross the road. The chicken died and went to heaven.

Finally, the chicken Caesar salad.

Always make sure to knock on your fridge door before opening..

There is a chance there might be a salad dressing

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Safe word(s)

There's a house at the edge of the forest where a woodcutter lives with his only daughter. Travellers tend to stay the night in the spare room and the family makes a decent living out of the extra money. Most of them are polite and decent, and leave the family alone during the stay.

Tonight'...

Would you like the soup or salad?

Oh, that sounds much too big for me. I’ll just have the regular-sized salad, thank you!

Dad jokes

What do you call a hen staring at a head of lettuce?

A Chicken-sees-a-salad......

So Tod goes to a new truckers joint...

He sits down and the waiter approaches him.

Do you want to hear the daily specials sir? He asks.

"No thank you", says Todd, "let me smell your hand and I'll tell you want I'd like today".

So the waiter reluctantly proceeds to offer his hand to be smelled by this weird customer.<...

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What does a large Karen use to eat her salad?

A Bitchfork

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.

I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she asked for a bite of my kabab.

Mary had a little lamb.

Why did the man ask his boss for more salad?

He thought he was due a celery increase.

I ate a green salad the last time I was on a plane

It was my phyto-flight response

Why did the trans man only eat salad?

Because he was a herbefore.

What do you call a salad with a bunch of knives in it?

A Ceaser Salad

I made a chicken salad for dinner last night.

But he didn’t eat it. Maybe I used too much dressing.

My 4 year old nieces jokes:

Why did the lobster flush?
Because the sea weed.

Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.

What did the little flower say to the big flower?
Hi ya bud.

Knock knock.
Whose there?
Ice cream .
Ice cream who?
Ice cream so you can hear...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When i was a kid this was my favorite joke don't hate me pls i changed.

I want to first apologise for my english in case i over complicate the joke it's my 3rd language and i have to translate it from my native language ^^

Well so it starts in a restaurant. A tall lady with weird long grey hair shows up with her huge bag and asks for a place for 2, so the waiter ...

Why does Steven Tyler always put raspberry vinaigrette on his salad?

It's a sweet emulsion

My friend never told me why he put his salad and ranch next to each other in the fridge

He said it was rude to watch the salad get dressed

From my 9 year old niece...”What is it called when a chicken is staring at a salad?”

Chicken sees a salad.

Before every barbecue I tell myself I'll eat healthy and stick to the salads.

But then my plan takes a turn for the wurst.

What did the cop say to the salad?

Everyone romaine calm!

Is it safe to eat salad yet?

It romaines to be seen.

Just made a chicken salad...

Not even sure if chicken's like salad, but I guess we're about to find out

My family was being held captive by a salad

It wouldn’t lettuce leaf

Why did the fruit salad turn brown so fast?

It had too much melonin it

What's an epileptic patient's favourite salad

A seizure salad.

Today I had Libertarian salad.

Lettuce alone!

A tomato officer with its team walks to Salad's house and knocks on the door.

"Lettuce in!"

Why should you never smoke at a salad bar?

Because you might ignite the rocket

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them...

Dracula

Dracula is walking down the street one fine evening when a speeding lorry carrying mini sausage rolls, sandwiches, a variety of salads, dressed salmon, quiches and cold meats loses control, overturns and spills all that food. All this wreckage hits Dracula and with his dying breath he curses buffet ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A translated joke

A man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.

The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever trash I have lying around".

The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you 10000$!"

The next day another man approaches ...

Knowledge is knowing than a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing you shouldn’t put it a fruit salad.....

humor is doing it anyway.

I want to have a cheese salad roll with bacon and olives before I die..

It's on my baguette list....

A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.

He thought the manager said “Seize her salad!”

What did the cop say to the criminal salad?

Lettuce see your hands! You have the right to romaine silent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife has developed a fetish with salad items...

Earlier today she spent an hour trying to force a lettuce into my ass.

And that was just the tip of the iceburg

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I had to leave my wife due to a sex/salad fetish

It started on our wedding night when she tried to shove a whole lettuce up my ass.

That was just the tip of the iceburg

”Waiter! What is that bug doing in my salad?”

”Trying to find a way out, sir.”

Why don't pine trees eat salad?

Because they're coniferous.

a man stabbed his salad 23 times.

he said it was a historical reenactment

A salad was arrested for public indecency...

I guess it should've gotten dressed before leafing.

Where do Salads try on clothes?

The dressing room

Heard about the Trump fruit salad?

It's mostly orange 'm' peach.

Why did the potato salad blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

(I know this joke has been around since Adam and Eve, but I still love it!)

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One day a mom made a bowl of salad for her son

Son scowls and said: "Mommy I told you I hate salad!" then proceeds to throw the bowl of salad to the ground.

Mom angrily responds: "Oh you salad tosser!"

Did you hear about the salad who went missing?

All they found were its chard romaines

A Caesar salad walks in to a bar

A piece of Romaine stabs him in the back

Orange and apple walk into a bar

Okay, so there's this orange and an apple and they walk into a fruit bar.

Well, they don't exactly *walk*, they more or less *roll*. Anyway, the apple says to the bartender, who is actually a banana, "What does one have to do to get a …."

Ah....wait. I think I messed it up.

... ...

What's an epileptic's least favorite type of salad?

Seizure salad

I was never a very good waiter. On my first day, two ladies came in and ordered:

First lady: "I'll have a garden salad please"

Second lady: "Caesar salad for me please"

So I brought the first lady her garden salad, then seized it and gave it to the second lady.

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