Sugar is a gateway drug

It gets you addicted to coke

A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "Sugar Daddy".

He's an artificial sweetner.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sugar in Semen

A professor is lecturing a class and says, "Today's lecture will be about glucose. Glucose is sugar and can be found in lots of stuff. For example, semen, candy, etc."

A blonde girl responds with, "How come you can't taste sugar in semen?"

The professor says, "Well, sweety, that's be...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What happens when you sit in sugar for too long?

You get an anal cavity.

A mother is invited by her son, Dave, for dinner.

He lives with a female roommate, Tina. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Tina is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Dave and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mum's tho...

What do you call a dinosaur that ate too much sugar

Cankersaurus

Jokes about white sugar are rare.

But brown sugar, demerara

I saw the face of Jesus in my bowl of sugar!

I took a picture but it's very grainy.

I finally found a recipe that is gluten free, fat free, dairy free and contains no sugar.

It’s a breath of fresh air.

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...it's correct

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk?

A stomach cake!

Sugar Shorts . . .

A group of Tennessee bikers were riding east on Highway 74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

Walter Hawk, their leader, a man of 63, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down of...

I tried to come up with a pun for flour and sugar but I forgot.

I'll have to sift through my mind to find it.

The Story of Jack the Sugar Cane farmer

There once was a peaceful agrarian village at the edge of an enchanted forest. The village lived mostly self-sufficiently with farmers specializing in crops and trading with other farmers for goods and services. Jack, a humble sugar cane farmer, lived in this village when something horrible happened...

A man walks into a cafe and asks for a small decaf coffee with sugar and no cream

The waitress leaves to fetch the coffee but returns a moment later.

“Sorry sir, we’re all out of cream. Would you prefer no milk?”

I like my women same as I like my sugar.

Unrefined.

What do you call a sugar daddy with HIV?

Financial AIDS

A guy gets diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is feeling down, his doctor tells him that type 2 is less serious than type 1 and that he should stay optimistic, the patient replies "doctor, please don't sugar-coat it for me"...

Doctor says: "sir, I'm being candyd"

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

Why does Swedish sugar taste better?

It’s Sweder

What do you call a baker holding a bag of sugar in each hand?

Ambidextrose

What did the woman say to her sugar daddy after their big fight?

Leave me a loan

Starting a sugar daddy dating site for people into 80s music.

I'm calling it Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.

I could never be a sugar daddy

I’m cheap and unhealthy. So I’d prefer to be called a high fructose corn syrup father.

Why do bakeries in Denmark add so much sugar to their pastries?

If they didn't, they would be sweetish.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm not really rich enough to be a sugar daddy

But I got talking to this young girl and I sort of hinted that I could help her through college in exchange for a few favours. She looked me up and down as cool as you like and said, "Listen: the most I'm ever going to do for a sad old creep like you is let you undo my shirt once or twice a week. An...

I want to treat the roads with sugar instead of salt

This way, you know... Everyone can have a sweet ride

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] Thomas Edison is busy inventing in his basement, when his wife, Mary, goes to a friend's house to ask for her advice.

"Thomas just won't go down on me", Mary tells her friend.

"I'll let you in on a little secret", the friend replies, "If you want oral sex with Thomas, try coating your privates with something sweet tasting, it works for me!"

When Mary arrives home she checks in the cupboards and finds...

PSA: Vegans and Vegetarians should stop eating brown sugar immediately!

It's made out of mole asses

Today I was so bored that I put a bit of sugar right in front of an ant.

The ant spent some good minutes eating the sugar, as it left to call his other ant friends, I cleaned it up so they would think she's lying.

Did you hear the one about the baker who dominated the pastry competition through determination and superior sugar content?

He went in all buns glazing.

A bloke just walked passed me shouting “you’re a trifle, an absolute gateaux... you’re totally covered in sugar.”

It was all rather unsavoury

A mommy mole, daddy mole, and baby mole are together in their burrow

Mommy mole sticks her head out and sniffs the air. She asks, "What's that smell? Is it brown sugar?"

Daddy mole sticks his head out to sniff around, "No I don't think so. Smells like vanilla to me."

The baby mole still in the burrow says "I don't know what you guys are talking about. ...

My daughter asked me what a sugar daddy was.

I gave her £2000 to never ask me that again.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar

Now that's a sweet ass

My uncle told me to cut down on sugar, or I'd get diabetes and they'd cut my foot off.

Told 'em I wouldn't stand for it.

Low sugar Swedish fish

If they make a low sugar swedish fish, would it be Sweet-Ish Swedish-ish fish?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Me: how is your bacteria converted into lactose, mixed with some sugar and milk and fruit to give it that nice extra flavor?

Friend: It's called yogurt asshole

True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.

Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all walk into a pub with their wives.

They all sit down and order a cup of tea. The Englishman looks to his wife and says “could you pass the honey, honey?” The Scottish man thinks to himself how clever that was, then turns to his wife and says “could you pass the sugar, sugar?” The Irish man - not wanting to be out witted by the other ...

I got arrested the other day after police found me covering a boy with melted sugar

I was charged with child molassation

[True story] My girlfriend told me tonight that sugar was my enemy.

I replied "You know what they say. Keep your enemies closer than your friends."

The drug dealer added sugar to his marijuana...

to sweeten the pot.

I got two packs o' sugar...

Call me Two Canes

^I'm ^sorry.

A police officer pulls a man over who was driving erratically.

The officer walks up to the man's window and asks him.

"Sir, you are all over the road! I need you to blow into this breathalyzer to determine if you have been drinking."

The driver of the car shakes his head vehemently and says to the officer.

"Oh, I can't do that, officer! I...

How did me and my sugar make our little rosemary?

When things got spicy, it ended with my cumin cider.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A girl and her sugar daddy are in bed and she's about to orgasm...

"Daddy I'm cumming!"
"Hi Cumming, I'm dad"

If girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice ...

Why do they smell like tuna?

What did they call the sugar that went to space?

Intergalactose

Did you hear about the truck full of sugar that collided with the truck full of strawberries?

Created one hell of a jam.

The suave Englishman at the breakfast table asked his sweetheart "Please pass the sugar, sugar!"

The debonair Frenchman asked his girl "Please pass the honey, honey!"
The American redneck, not to be outdone, yelled "Pass the pork, pig!"

What do you call a guy who checks his blood sugar frequently?

Sir Lance A. Lot

Sugar

A blonde would wake up every morning, go into the kitchen, carefully open the lid of the sugar container, look into it and then close it.

This made her new boyfriend very curious. So one day he asked her why she did that. She replied, "My doctor asked me to check my sugar level every day."

A driver was swerving all over the road...

... then was pulled over by a police officer. The police officer knocked on the door and said,

"Sir, please blow into this machine"

"Sorry officer, I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because I have asthma, and it might trigger an asthma attack"

"Okay, could we get a blood sample...

Whats a sugar free drink's favorite abbreviation?

0mg

Jokes about white sugar are rare, but brown sugar?

Demerara


Source: [This tweet](https://twitter.com/OFalafel/status/428595146905886720) by [@OFalafel on Twitter](https://twitter.com/OFalafel).

A traffic cop pulled over a driver in who had been weaving erratically along the highway

Approaching the car, he said: ‘Sir, i need you to blow into a breathalyser.’
‘Sorry officer,’ he replied. ‘I can’t do that. I’m an asthmatic. If i do that, I’ll have a rally bad asthma attack.’
‘Well, then i need you to come to the station to give me a blood sample.’
‘I can’t do ...

My dentist asked me about my oral hygiene.

I said, "Well, I don't take coffee in my sugar."

Scientists have found a definite link between sugar highs and pedophilia

If you have a sugar high, you've probably eaten too many lolis.

Did you hear that sugar is magic?

It'll make a diabetics feet dissappear!