I read so much about the bad influences of alcohol and sugar, that I've decided...

...to read less.

Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar....

Demerara.

I can eat sugar with either hand...

I'm ambidextrose!

What do you get when you combine flour, water, sugar, salt, yeast, and animal abuse?

PETA bread.

A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "Sugar Daddy".

He's an artificial sweetner.

What do you call a sugar daddy in a wheel chair?

Meals on wheels

I'm trying out this new all-sugar diet.

It's pretty sweet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life is like a sugar daddy

I let him fuck me in the ass so he treats me good from time to time.

My ass is sore.

What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee?

Raw raw raw raw raw

What do you get when you get 10 cars and a ton of sugar and you put it in a blender?

You get a load of traffic jam

Q. What do you get if you cover your favourite feline in a mixture of sugar and egg white and throw it out to sea?

A. A cat-a-meringue

A mother is invited by her son, Dave, for dinner.

He lives with a female roommate, Tina. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Tina is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Dave and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mum's tho...

What do they call confectioner's sugar on the moons of Jupiter?

Io cane powder

How to sell sugar for 100$ per pack?

Call it homeopathy.

Sugar is a gateway drug

It gets you addicted to coke

Wow! My dad loves sugar!

He loves it so much that he even puts it in his nose!

I recently placed a sugar cube for an ant

When he left to get the rest of the ants, I quickly removed the sugar cube. Now everyone else thinks he lied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you sit in sugar for too long?

You get an anal cavity.

What do you call a band with high level of sugar?

The Diabeatels

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk?

A stomach cake!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sugar in Semen

A professor is lecturing a class and says, "Today's lecture will be about glucose. Glucose is sugar and can be found in lots of stuff. For example, semen, candy, etc."

A blonde girl responds with, "How come you can't taste sugar in semen?"

The professor says, "Well, sweety, that's be...

I saw the face of Jesus in my bowl of sugar!

I took a picture but it's very grainy.

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

What do you call a dinosaur that ate too much sugar

Cankersaurus

I tried to come up with a pun for flour and sugar but I forgot.

I'll have to sift through my mind to find it.

A man walks into a cafe and asks for a small decaf coffee with sugar and no cream

The waitress leaves to fetch the coffee but returns a moment later.

“Sorry sir, we’re all out of cream. Would you prefer no milk?”

What do you call a baker holding a bag of sugar in each hand?

Ambidextrose

Sugar Shorts . . .

A group of Tennessee bikers were riding east on Highway 74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

Walter Hawk, their leader, a man of 63, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man walk into a bar with their wives...

They all order tea. The Englishman, wanting to be sweet, said to his wife, "Pass the sugar, sugar." The Scottish man, thinking the same, says to his wife, "Pass the honey, honey." The Irish man, not wanting to be outdone, says to his wife, "Pass the milk you fucking cow."

The Story of Jack the Sugar Cane farmer

There once was a peaceful agrarian village at the edge of an enchanted forest. The village lived mostly self-sufficiently with farmers specializing in crops and trading with other farmers for goods and services. Jack, a humble sugar cane farmer, lived in this village when something horrible happened...

TIL "Sugar" is the only "su"-word in the english language that makes the "sh"-sound!

(I haven't actually fact-checked this one, but I'm pretty sure it's correct)

A guy gets diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is feeling down, his doctor tells him that type 2 is less serious than type 1 and that he should stay optimistic, the patient replies "doctor, please don't sugar-coat it for me"...

Doctor says: "sir, I'm being candyd"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Thomas Edison is busy inventing in his basement, when his wife, Mary, goes to a friend's house to ask for her advice.

"Thomas just won't go down on me", Mary tells her friend.

"I'll let you in on a little secret", the friend replies, "If you want oral sex with Thomas, try coating your privates with something sweet tasting, it works for me!"

When Mary arrives home she checks in the cupboards and finds...

Why does Swedish sugar taste better?

It’s Sweder

I want to treat the roads with sugar instead of salt

This way, you know... Everyone can have a sweet ride

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mysterious Bottle of Ketchup

A man wants to throw a party, so he heads into a grocery store looking for supplies. He grabs a shopping cart and combs through the aisles, grabbing everything he could possibly need for the party.

He's about to head out and he does a final mental check of the things he needs. He realises he...

Whats a sugar free drink's favorite abbreviation?

0mg

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Actually looking forward to Christmas this year for once.

I usually get terrible presents for the Mrs that she don’t actually want, but this year found her Christmas list and I've got everything on it;

Eggs

Milk

Bread

Butter

Bacon

Sugar

Toilet roll

She's going to be well impressed

A mommy mole, daddy mole, and baby mole are together in their burrow

Mommy mole sticks her head out and sniffs the air. She asks, "What's that smell? Is it brown sugar?"

Daddy mole sticks his head out to sniff around, "No I don't think so. Smells like vanilla to me."

The baby mole still in the burrow says "I don't know what you guys are talking about. ...

There was a family of moles underground.

They were just relaxing down there when the father mole pokes his head out the hole and says “wow, I smell sugar”. The mother mole is interested so she pokes her head out the hole and exclaims” wow I smell glucose!” Then the mother mole calls her son over and he says “ holy cow I smell fructose!” Th...

Patient: Doctor, tell me, what's wrong with me?

Doctor: I'm not going to sugar-coat it, you have diabetes.

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