This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet”

“Why the fuck is there a cabbage at this party?” thought the DJ

What did the knight say to the turnip?

Begone, foul beet!

How do farmers party?

They turnip the beets.

Brock Turner sounds like a dish made from broccoli and turnips...

Which is fitting because he prefers his women to be in vegetative states!

My brother threw a yellow turnip at me while I was sleeping

It was a rutabaganing.

Some people say onions are the only veg that make you cry

They've never been hit in the face by a turnip

I ran out of carrots...

So I called a replacement...

But it didn't turnip

What did farmer say when his entire crop died suddenly.

What a surprising turnip event.

*This is my first attempt at writing a joke, and my wife thinks it's awful.

What vegetable never gets lost in the fridge?

Parsnips b/c they always turnip!

What vegetable is known for it's excessive partying?

Turnip

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Medicrin Story - taken from a Boy Scouting website

Long ago, before Gamecubes, before Playstations, even before Atari, there were nasty, vile monsters roaming the land. In those days, a few brave, strong men made their living by protecting common people from these beasts. This is a story about one such man named Erik and the adventure he had. 
...

I've just seen a man in the local bookstore exchange a swede like vegetable for some hardbacks

I thought, that's a turnip for the books

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What vegetable makes your eyes water?

Have you ever been hit in the balls with a Turnip?

Did you hear about the farmer who lost his basket of vegetables?

He said it's ok, they'll turnip.

I seemed to have lost all my vegetable puns

I hope they turnip somewhere

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russian Military Rations

Several generals from different countries are sitting together in a bar. After a some while of small-talk, the american general starts bragging about how the US Army was recently able to improve the nutritional value of their field rations to 4000 Calories. To which the russian general replies: "Bul...

What do root vegetables do at tha club?

Turnip

I planted some root vegetables in my yard.

We'll see what turnips.

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

When you drop the beet...

...everybody's going to turnip

I ordered the Club Salad for lunch..

I asked waitress "What all comes in the club salad?"

She said "Lettuce, turnip, the beat"

What do snotty vegetables do when they see something they don't like ?

They 'turnip' their noses.

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