UPJOKE
rutabagaradishcabbageroot vegetablebrassica rapaparsnipcucumberpeachardkalezucchinienglandscotlandbeetlettuce

Brock Turner sounds like a dish made from broccoli and turnips...

Which is fitting because he prefers his women to be in vegetative states!

What did the knight say to the turnip?

Begone, foul beet!

I can’t find my vegetables.

Hopefully, they turnip soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet”

“Why the fuck is there a cabbage at this party?” thought the DJ

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"12 Days Of Christmas - Bayou Style"

Day 1 Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it
las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow
in the swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.


Day 2 Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but
all I got was two scrawny pigeon...

Budgie smugglers and getting girls

So about 10 year s ago , I went to Benidorm with a friend and we we’re sitting on the beach and My friend wanted to know the best way for him to get attention from the girl s

I told him to go find a pebble and put it down his budgie smugglers and walk up and down the beach for a while
...

Why are rutabagas great at a party?

They turnip

My brother threw a yellow turnip at me while I was sleeping

It was a rutabaganing.

Anyone who thinks onions are the only vegetable that makes you cry

has never been hit in the face with a turnip.

What did farmer say when his entire crop died suddenly.

What a surprising turnip event.

*This is my first attempt at writing a joke, and my wife thinks it's awful.

I ran out of carrots...

So I called a replacement...

But it didn't turnip

My husband just interrupted my work from home to deliver this one.

The door opened, and in popped my husband's head.

**Him:** "Hey, Jennifer, what do you call a Jennifer with extra hairy legs?"

**Me, rolling my eyes at him:** "A Jennifer Spider?"

**Him:** "Nope. A SASS-SQUATCH"

In totally unrelated news: He'll be eating boiled chicken an...

I asked the farmers to attend a meeting on Thursday morning.

None of them turnip.

I seemed to have lost all my vegetable puns

I hope they turnip somewhere

What do root vegetables do at tha club?

Turnip

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Medicrin Story - taken from a Boy Scouting website

Long ago, before Gamecubes, before Playstations, even before Atari, there were nasty, vile monsters roaming the land. In those days, a few brave, strong men made their living by protecting common people from these beasts. This is a story about one such man named Erik and the adventure he had. 
...

Did you hear about the farmer who lost his basket of vegetables?

He said it's ok, they'll turnip.

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

When you drop the beet...

...everybody's going to turnip

What vegetable is known for it's excessive partying?

Turnip

I've just seen a man in the local bookstore exchange a swede like vegetable for some hardbacks

I thought, that's a turnip for the books

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russian Military Rations

Several generals from different countries are sitting together in a bar. After a some while of small-talk, the american general starts bragging about how the US Army was recently able to improve the nutritional value of their field rations to 4000 Calories. To which the russian general replies: "Bul...

I ordered the Club Salad for lunch..

I asked waitress "What all comes in the club salad?"

She said "Lettuce, turnip, the beat"

I planted some root vegetables in my yard.

We'll see what turnips.

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