How many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman?

None

What's more Irish than potatoes?

No potatoes.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There are 2 potatoes standing on a street corner, how do you know which one is the prostitute?

It’s the one with the “Idaho” sticker

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend decided to have a testicle removed after he found a lump.

He is really hardcore about his mashed potatoes.

Stalin approaches a farmer and asks: "Comrade, how many potatoes have we grown this season?"

"Enough to reach God, Comrade Stalin!" replied the farmer.

"But there is no God" said Stalin

"Ah," said the farmer, "as there are no potatoes."

Friends are like potatoes...

If you eat them they die

What's more Irish than potatoes?

Not having potatoes


_(Dont know who came up with this joke but I love it)_

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead have just robbed a bank are are on the run with the police hot on their tails. They run down an alley and find three empty boxes, so they each jump in a box. The police round the corner and approach the boxes. They kick the first box, containing the brunette. She y...

What does The Hulk say when someone tries to steal his mashed potatoes?

HULKS MASH!!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call someone who is sexually attracted to potatoes?

A mashochist.

What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anybody can mash potatoes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.


"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
...

Potatoes

A girl potato and boy potato had eyes for each other and, finally, they got married,
and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.'
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this lady is at a small grocer to buy some potatoes.

She does not see any, so asks the manager: "Sir, i am looking for one bag of potatoes". He replies that they have none in stock.

Lady: "I understand, but even half a bag will be fine for my needs"

Manager: "Lady, we don't have ANY potatoes in stock."

Lady: "Ok. But even if it is...

Why did the sea monster eat 6 ships full of potatoes?

Nobody can eat just one potato ship.

How many potatoes does it take to make a potato pancake?

A latke!

(I removed a typo from my first submission and reposted this joke, sorry if you saw it twice.)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a penis shaped boat made out of potatoes?

A dictatorship

3 women rob a bank

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead rob a bank.

They all run down a dark alley trying to ditch the cop chasing them.

With nowhere to go, they see 3 burlap sacks. Sweet the redhead says, let's hide in those.

The cop rounds the corner and sees the 3 bags right away, he kicks the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife, and she asked "How many potatoes would you like?"

I said, "I'll just have one please".
She said "It's OK, you don't have to be polite."

"Alright, I'll just have one then, you stupid whore".

People who constantly brag about their ancestors are like potatoes

The only good thing about them is underground.

I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids...

Apparently she left me two days ago.

Why are potatoes better than your vision than carrots?

Because they start their life in an eye.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two amish women are in a field harvesting potatoes.

One amish woman holds up two potatoes and sighs.

The other amish woman says "What's the matter?"

"These potatoes remind me of my husband's testicles." replied the first woman.

"Oh, that big?" said the second woman.

"No, that dirty."

What is five hundred meters long and eats only potatoes?

Soviet bread line.

What do you call a generic brand of potatoes?

Imitators

Two potatoes were walking together down the street

They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured potato called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured potato was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doc...

Two Amish women are in the field picking potatoes...

The first Amish woman (FAW) pulls out an enormous potato from the field and says to the second (SAW), "Ohhh, this reminds me of Jacob's privates!"

SAW - "You mean Jacob's privates are that big?"

FAW - "No, but they're just as dirty!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife died while getting potatoes from the pantry in the basement.

Him: My wife died today.

Friend of him: Oh my god! That's tragic, I am so sorry! How did that happen?!

Him: She was cooking and needed potatoes, so she went to the pantry in the basement to get some. Then she fell down the stairs.

Friend of him: Wow. And what did you do after th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you grind up Kim Jung Un's junk, mix in some shredded potatoes, ball them up and deep fry them?

dicktator tots

A family of Irish Potatoes are talking

So a family of potatoes - a mother and her three daughters - are sitting at the dinner table one night. The eldest daughter speaks up. She says:

"Mother, I've got big news."
"What is it?" her mother says.
"Oh, mother, I'm gonna get married."
"Oh are you now?" her mother replies. ...

Potatoes For Everyone!

A party official asks a farmer how things are going, and the farmer replies that the harvest is so bountiful that the potatoes would reach the ''foot of God'' if piled on top of one another.

''But this is the Soviet Union,'' says the commissar, ''there is no God here.'' The farmer replies, '...

What do sweet potatoes sleep in?

Their yammies.

What's 200 feet long and eats potatoes?

Communists waiting in line to buy meat.

A boy is selling fish on a corner.

To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!"

A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam."

The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Potatoes

Two Amish women were digging potatoes in the field one day. Bessie pulled out two huge ones. she turned to Sara and said "Ya know Sara, these potatoes remind me of my Jakies balls." "Why you mean that.. Jakies balls are that big?" asked Sara. "No", replied Bessie, "they're that dirty."

Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...

And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides…

How do the British call chips made from GMO potatoes?

CRISPRs

I like to keep my Thanksgiving dinner simple: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and veggies

Everything else is just gravy

What do you call a group of potatoes at a football game?

Spec-taters

A blind man walks into the restaurant..

The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dis...

Dad, where's the thing for peeling potatoes?

She went shopping.

Three Amish ladies are in a field picking potatoes

Their husbands names are Jake, Jacob and Jakey. They would always get confused. So one day they decided to nickname them. Mabel said "lets name them after soda pop", the other two said "what do you mean?". Mabel said she would go first and said " I'll call my Jacob 7-Up because he has 7 inches and i...