A farmer is trying to grow hydroponic potatoes, but he starts them in test tubes. This results in the potatoes being long with a round bulge at the top, so they look like male genitals.

The farmer tries to sell them to anyone and eventually even posts them online, where he surprisingly starts getting more orders than he can fill; and all from Russia. He’s surprised but grows another batch and they sell out again. He starts worrying there might be something illegal going on so he go...

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None

What do you call fake potatoes?

Imitaters!!!!

How do you get your dog to like mashed potatoes?

You gravy train

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say Hitler used potatoes to treat his genital warts...

Talk about a Dictator.

Why do people like sweet potatoes?

Because they're yammy.

A red tractor turned into a field of potatoes

It was clearly a magic tractor

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes

What’s 500 feet long and only eats potatoes?

People in the Soviet Union waiting for food.

What do you use to carry potatoes?

A tater tote

I love cooking with potatoes.

It's very a-peeling.

Hey guys what do you call an emergency vehicle made out of potatoes?

A yambulance

Three potatoes decide to go to the swimming pool.

The first potato goes to the lowest diving board, does a simple forward flip, and lands flawlessly in the water, before coming back up for air, and swims off.

The second potato climbs to the next diving board, does a more intricate double-backflip in the air, and lands feet-first into the wat...

I Want to Make a Band called Mashed Potatoes

Then go on an Ultimate Tour with Meatloaf, Korn, Bread, Red hot Chilie Peppers, Salt-N-Pepa, The Cranberries, The Black Eyed Peas, Orange Juice, Ice Cube and Cake!

*I know a few are dead and some of them suck but I tried damn it, lol

What day of the week do potatoes hate the most?

Fry-day

A blind man went to a restaurant.

menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and...

Did you hear about the foreign government growing potatoes in their foreskin?

Bunch of dictators.

What disease is the leading cause of death among potatoes?

Tuber culosis

Sorry for the potato quality

I call my one night stands potatoes.

First I take them in the sack, then I skin them and carve the eyes out, before cooking them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No Potatoes

A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any potatoes? "
The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of potatoes, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the potato...

Why do potatoes look so good...

Because their APPEALING!

When do sweet potatoes like to go to the comedy club?

Yamateur hour.

What do you call potatoes grown in a cellar?

Pommes Fritzl

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Two potatoes are standing on the street. How do you know which one is a prostitute?

one of them has a sticker that says idaho

Why do jewish people love breaking their fast with sweet potatoes?

So that they can properly celebrate Yam kippur.

What's more Irish than potatoes?

Not having potatoes


_(Dont know who came up with this joke but I love it)_

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.


"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
...

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.



At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gent...

Stalin approaches a farmer and asks: "Comrade, how many potatoes have we grown this season?"

"Enough to reach God, Comrade Stalin!" replied the farmer.

"But there is no God" said Stalin

"Ah," said the farmer, "as there are no potatoes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Choosing a new password: potato

Choosing a new password: potato

\-Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

\-Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

\-Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

\-Sorry...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man: Honey, why you cutting those potatoes into penis shapes?

Wife: I dunno why, but Grandpa keeps saying he dreams about penis-shaped potatoes. He's a holocaust survivor, ya know - least I can do. 

Man: Grandpa, what you been dreaming about? 

Grandpa: DICTATORSSSS

Friends are like potatoes...

If you eat them they die

What does The Hulk say when someone tries to steal his mashed potatoes?

HULKS MASH!!

Three crooks are running from a cop...

They run down an alleyway and each leap into a sack to hide. The cop rounds the corner, walks up to the first sack and gives it a whack with his truncheon. Quick as a flash the first guy starts woofing like dog. Cop moves on to the next sack and gives it a whack. Second guy, quick as a flash, starts...

I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids...

Apparently she left me two days ago.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a penis shaped boat made out of potatoes?

A dictatorship

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