I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

I'm scared of the root of 2

It is an irrational fear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I put my root beer into a square glass...

Now it’s just beer.

My best friend told me he was planning on naming his son "Square Root of 2".

Luckily his wife managed to convince him that would be completely irrational.

What’s the square root of 69?

8 something.

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

A solid 10, but also imaginary

What is the world’s most influential root vegetable?

Rupert Burdock

While I don’t believe Belichick is rooting for Brady, I absolutely believe Bob Kraft wants Brady to win one more before he retires...

What can I say? Bob Kraft just loves a happy ending.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

My husband works in a plant nursery and is looking for quality plant jokes to tell his overworked co-workers. Show me what you've got! (I'll start)

Why are plants bad cheerleaders?


Because they're always rooting for themselves.

What do you call an uncool beet?

A square root

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bee Sting

An Australian is having sex with his wife, when a bee flies down and stings her on the pussy. He decides to call the Doctor

Bruce: "G'day Doctor, I was having a root with m' missus and a bee comes down and stings her on the pussy.... what shall I do?"

Doctor: "Bummer......"

Br...

What’s the square root of Minecraft?

There’s three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.

"The person who answers this last question gets to leave early" said the teacher

"Now what is the sum of three and two, multiplied by the square root of 6 " the teacher asked.

The class began scribbling furiously. All except for Bobby. Bobby raised his hand and the teacher called on him.

"5" answered Bobby confidently. He began to pack up his things and walk to th...

Why was the square root of 2 punished?

Because it made irrational decisions.

If 666 is the evil number

Then 25.8069 is the root of all evil

It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month.

Go Bills!

I saw two blind people fighting...

and I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with the knife!" They both ran away.

What's the square root of 69????

8 something.





Havent seen this one and I've been scrolling for hours.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mother taught me...

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

did you hear about the buddhist who refused novocain during a root-canal?

he wanted to transcend dental medication.

Two square roots of nine go into a bedroom...

Together, they have six.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

If people in Bangkok had a favorite NFL team, what team would they root for?

The Thai-tans

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!"

The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

Why are square roots never sad?

Because they're always positive.

Rooting for the Dallas Cowboys is the most authentic fan experience in sports.

Just like them, you too can watch the playoffs from the comfort of your couch at home.

My teacher is like 5 but square rooted.

So irrational.

The man hobbled as he walked up to the Talking Tree on the edge of the clearing...

The man hobbled as he walked up to the Talking Tree on the edge of the clearing at the end of the path, as he had done at the close of every day for the last 73 turnings of the Earth. Never farther, for it was as far North as he ever went, and he came this far only to pour out his sorrows to the fin...

My friend said “you can’t take the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can

What’s the difference between a beetroot and an egg?

You can beat an egg but you can’t beat a root

I tried experimenting on roots

Trying to grow strong plants to survive in harsh environments. I gave one water, and the other steroids.

A root didn't stand a chance against b root strength

The Jumper!

So there's a older rugged looking chap walking home from the pub along the side of the road, and up ahead he see's a young, attractive lady standing on the other side of the railing on a bridge moments away from throwing herself off.


With a bit of grog in his system, he thinks to himsel...

Money is the root of all evil.

To learn more about this, please send a dollar to my PayPal account.

A goat gets his wish granted by a genie.

He wishes to be turned into a human being.After his transformation, the, now, man is so grateful to the genie.He asks ‟How can I ever repay you?”

The genie just has this request: That the man make the most of his life and live like no man has lived before; love like no man has loved before; a...

Why cant couples take roots?

Their decisions become irrational

I Walk Into A Bar

I sit down and ask the bartender for a drink.

He gets me a drink and I drink it.

Then I pay him and walk out.

I then get in my car and drive to the supermarket.

I arrive at the supermarket and get out of my car.

I go up to the entrance and grab a shopping cart...

Why are plants bad cheerleaders?

Because they’re always rooting for themselves.

People say that stress can make you lose your hair...

and pulling your hair can be a root problem.

the American and the Finn

An american is talking to his firend. He tells his friend that he found out he has Finnic roots, and that he went on holiday to visit his far relative.

the friend: So, was your holiday fun?

The american: Yes, but i was scammed out of a thousand dollars!

the friend: How come? You...

The square root of -1 walks into a bar.

The bartender looks on, amazed, and says "This is unreal."

The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay...

..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."

I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."

"They are."

Q: What does the zero say to the eight?

A: Nice belt!

Q: What do you call friends who love math?

A: algebros

Q: How is an artificial Christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?

A: Neither has real roots.

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?

A: They already 8 (ate)!

Q: How do you kn...

I have so many insecurities but from now im going to start acting like a plant.

Get to the root problems

What is almost the coolest root vegetable of them all?

Radish

Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots

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