What do the square-root of 2 and flat-earthers have in common ?

They're both completely irrational.

Favorite Math joke (NSFW). What’s the square root of 69?

8 something

If anyone can teach me a chord that has a root, a minor third, and a perfect fifth

send me a Dm

If the number 666 is considered evil

25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Which guy does cheese always root for?

Volone. The cheese is provolone.

What does your long-distance girlfriend who you met on vacation have in common with the square root of -1?

They both are imaginary.

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

I just joined a gang called square root 2

Because I'm irrational

How do you know if money is the root of all evil?

Isreal and Palestine have been divided by a bank for decades!

A Blonde decides she want to join the police...

She goes down to her local station & starts applies to join.


The Sergeant calls her over & says, 'before you join, I need to ask you a few questions'


1st Question: 'What's 2+2?'


Blonde says: 'that's easy 4'


2nd qstn: 'What the square root o...

I put root beer in a square mug.

Now I have beer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

A farmer wants to grow his plants in the winter, so he puts them in the shower

A farmer wants to grow his plants in the winter. He believes that he can maintain the vegetables if they have enough room to grow deep roots, so he puts them in shower.
A month goes by, and no produce has popped up. The farmer realizes that some plants take 2 or 3 months to bloom.
A second mon...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is suffering from the worst headaches...

From about age 14, a man has been getting more and more intense headaches. They started mildly annoying, but have been consistently getting worse month after month, year after year.

Finally, after about 7 years of troublesome headaches turning into bothersome headaches, turning into debilita...

All the mathematical functions are having a party

The polynomials are dancing, the square root function is drinking, yet the exponential function remains to the side.

so the inverse function asks what's wrong.

To which the exponential function responds: whether I integrate or not, nothing will change, now leave.

(courtesy ...

Pig with a wooden leg

A city gentleman is going for a drive in the country. He passes a farm field, where he sees a lone pig rooting around, and upon second glance, this pig has a wooden leg. He drives up the driveway and finds the farmer repairing his tractor in front of the barn. He asks the farmer about the pig....

My best friend told me he was planning on naming his son "Square Root of 2".

Luckily his wife managed to convince him that would be completely irrational.

These Farmers got arrested!

Did you hear why the celery farmer got arrested?

For stalking

Did you hear about the hay farmer that got arrested?

He’s out on bail

Did you hear about the root vegetable farmer that got arrested?

He beet up his friend with a potato and didn’t carrot all.

Why shouldn't potato be a part of a square meal?

Because It's a root vegetable

While I don’t believe Belichick is rooting for Brady, I absolutely believe Bob Kraft wants Brady to win one more before he retires...

What can I say? Bob Kraft just loves a happy ending.

What is the world’s most influential root vegetable?

Rupert Burdock

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!"

The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month.

Go Bills!

What happened to the plant on the windowsill of the math classroom?

It grew square roots!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in the 1980's, two young Aussie tourists visit the Vatican as part of a Kontiki tour...

Typical of the day, beer is the main refreshment, so they have an Esky (a cooler) chock-a-block with ice and ice cold beers to keep them refreshed while viewing the sights. Due to the beers being consumed, they soon lose contact with the main tour group and decide to investigate the Vatican by thems...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

Two square roots of nine go into a bedroom...

Together, they have six.

I saw two blind people fighting...

and I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with the knife!" They both ran away.

My husband works in a plant nursery and is looking for quality plant jokes to tell his overworked co-workers. Show me what you've got! (I'll start)

Why are plants bad cheerleaders?


Because they're always rooting for themselves.

Why are square roots never sad?

Because they're always positive.

"The person who answers this last question gets to leave early" said the teacher

"Now what is the sum of three and two, multiplied by the square root of 6 " the teacher asked.

The class began scribbling furiously. All except for Bobby. Bobby raised his hand and the teacher called on him.

"5" answered Bobby confidently. He began to pack up his things and walk to th...

My friend said “you can’t take the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can

If people in Bangkok had a favorite NFL team, what team would they root for?

The Thai-tans

Rooting for the Dallas Cowboys is the most authentic fan experience in sports.

Just like them, you too can watch the playoffs from the comfort of your couch at home.

If the square root of - 1 = i What would the square root of negative Uno be?

i i i (ay ay ay!)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bee Sting

An Australian is having sex with his wife, when a bee flies down and stings her on the pussy. He decides to call the Doctor

Bruce: "G'day Doctor, I was having a root with m' missus and a bee comes down and stings her on the pussy.... what shall I do?"

Doctor: "Bummer......"

Br...

My teacher is like 5 but square rooted.

So irrational.

Money is the root of all evil.

To learn more about this, please send a dollar to my PayPal account.

The square root of -1 walks into a bar.

The bartender looks on, amazed, and says "This is unreal."

The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay...

..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."

I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."

"They are."

What do you call an uncool beet?

A square root

What is almost the coolest root vegetable of them all?

Radish

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