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Root Jokes

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I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I have beer.

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

What do the square-root of 2 and flat-earthers have in common ?

They're both completely irrational.
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what's the square root of 69?

8 something.

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!"

The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

Some people like root vegetables...

Some people don't really carrot all

This is my only pun about root vegetables

but I keep hoping another one will turnip

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On a fine Monday morning Dave the postman was walking around his usual root, delivering mail.

He saw that at the next house both cars were in the driveway, he’s a bit shocked by this but he sees the homeowner, Greg, walking out with a ton of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles to go into the recycling bin.

Dave looks for a moment and then says “We’ll damn, you guys sure had one hell o...

New jokes on this sub are often rated at the square root of -100

They would be a 10, but new jokes here are imaginary.

Women Are Like Square Roots

If they're under 25, just do them in your head.

Which guy does cheese always root for?

Volone. The cheese is provolone.

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**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

If anyone can teach me a chord that has a root, a minor third, and a perfect fifth

send me a Dm

I just joined a gang called square root 2

Because I'm irrational

How do you know if money is the root of all evil?

Isreal and Palestine have been divided by a bank for decades!

What do you get when you square root a Muslim?

Radical Islam.

What does your long-distance girlfriend who you met on vacation have in common with the square root of -1?

They both are imaginary.

Do you know what square roots of negative numebrs and your girlfriend have in common?

They're both imaginary.

What’s the square root of Minecraft?

There’s three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

My best friend told me he was planning on naming his son "Square Root of 2".

Luckily his wife managed to convince him that would be completely irrational.

Who's rooting for the Bengals to win the superbowl more than anyone?

Jared Goff.

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Russian foreign minister, Sergei Lavrov said yesterday that Adolf Hitler had Jewish roots. Historians replied...

"Oooh, So that's why he killed himself..."

The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay...

..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."

I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."

"They are."

What is the world’s most influential root vegetable?

Rupert Burdock

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A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

My friend said “you can’t take the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can

The new job

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The officer wants to ask her a few questions...

Officer:
\- "What's 2+2"?

Blonde:
\- "Ummmmm... 4!"

Officer:
\- "What's the square root of 100?"

Blonde:...

The square root of -1 walks into a bar.

The bartender looks on, amazed, and says "This is unreal."

If 666 is the number of evil...

Then 25.8069758011279 is the root to all evils?

If the number 666 is considered evil

..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month.

Go Bills!

While I don’t believe Belichick is rooting for Brady, I absolutely believe Bob Kraft wants Brady to win one more before he retires...

What can I say? Bob Kraft just loves a happy ending.

If people in Bangkok had a favorite NFL team, what team would they root for?

The Thai-tans

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

If the square root of - 1 = i What would the square root of negative Uno be?

i i i (ay ay ay!)

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A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

So the speed of light, e, and the square root of (-1) walk into a bar...

So the speed of light, *e*, and (-1)^1/2 walk into a bar. The speed of light heads over to the bartender and gets his drink pretty quickly, as he's wont to do. Then (-1)^1/2 goes and orders his drink, and *e* just flips out on him. The square root of -1 asks *e* what's wrong, and he says, "I came in...

What is almost the coolest root vegetable of them all?

Radish

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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

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