I just joined a gang called square root 2

Because I'm irrational

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

A huge 10, but also imaginary

What's the square root of 69

8 something

How do you know if money is the root of all evil?

Isreal and Palestine have been divided by a bank for decades!

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

I put root beer in a square mug.

Now I have beer.

My best friend told me he was planning on naming his son "Square Root of 2".

Luckily his wife managed to convince him that would be completely irrational.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50 they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes, you see them and they make yo...

What is the world’s most influential root vegetable?

Rupert Burdock

While I don’t believe Belichick is rooting for Brady, I absolutely believe Bob Kraft wants Brady to win one more before he retires...

What can I say? Bob Kraft just loves a happy ending.

What happened to the plant on the windowsill of the math classroom?

It grew square roots!

My husband works in a plant nursery and is looking for quality plant jokes to tell his overworked co-workers. Show me what you've got! (I'll start)

Why are plants bad cheerleaders?


Because they're always rooting for themselves.

I saw two blind people fighting...

and I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with the knife!" They both ran away.

"The person who answers this last question gets to leave early" said the teacher

"Now what is the sum of three and two, multiplied by the square root of 6 " the teacher asked.

The class began scribbling furiously. All except for Bobby. Bobby raised his hand and the teacher called on him.

"5" answered Bobby confidently. He began to pack up his things and walk to th...

It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month.

Go Bills!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bee Sting

An Australian is having sex with his wife, when a bee flies down and stings her on the pussy. He decides to call the Doctor

Bruce: "G'day Doctor, I was having a root with m' missus and a bee comes down and stings her on the pussy.... what shall I do?"

Doctor: "Bummer......"

Br...

If 666 is the evil number

Then 25.8069 is the root of all evil

What do you call an uncool beet?

A square root

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

did you hear about the buddhist who refused novocain during a root-canal?

he wanted to transcend dental medication.

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!"

The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

Two square roots of nine go into a bedroom...

Together, they have six.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

Why are square roots never sad?

Because they're always positive.

If people in Bangkok had a favorite NFL team, what team would they root for?

The Thai-tans

If the square root of - 1 = i What would the square root of negative Uno be?

i i i (ay ay ay!)

Rooting for the Dallas Cowboys is the most authentic fan experience in sports.

Just like them, you too can watch the playoffs from the comfort of your couch at home.

My teacher is like 5 but square rooted.

So irrational.

My friend said “you can’t take the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mother taught me...

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm go...

The square root of -1 walks into a bar.

The bartender looks on, amazed, and says "This is unreal."

The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay...

..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."

I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."

"They are."

What is almost the coolest root vegetable of them all?

Radish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

No matter how old you are or what team you're rooting for, I think we can all agree that every basketball fan looks up to Shaquille O'Neal.

Like literally, you have to look up to him.

A goat gets his wish granted by a genie.

He wishes to be turned into a human being.After his transformation, the, now, man is so grateful to the genie.He asks ‟How can I ever repay you?”

The genie just has this request: That the man make the most of his life and live like no man has lived before; love like no man has loved before; a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

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