My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

An absolute 10, but also imaginary.

Two square roots of nine go into a bedroom...

Together, they have six.

How do turn root beer into beer?

.. Put it in a square glass

What’s the square root of 69?

8-something.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American tourist is on holidays along the west of Ireland, tracing his roots, hiking the many hills and cliffs along the coast. Pausing to enjoy the breathtaking view, amongst all the green he notices a dirty old tractor putt-putt-putting along a country lane...

An American tourist is on holidays along the west of Ireland, tracing his roots, hiking the many hills and cliffs along the coast. Pausing to enjoy the breathtaking view, amongst all the green he notices a dirty old tractor putt-putt-putting along a country lane.

As it comes closer, he notice...

Why are square roots never sad?

Because they're always positive.

My husband found me rooting through the back of his wardrobe last night......

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Narnia business", I replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

My friend said “you can’t take the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Girls are like square roots

If they’re under 13, do them in your head

Why were square roots, cubed roots, and other roots arrested during the Red Scare?

They were all radicals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

A man is canoeing in the everglades

After spending the day exploring, things look differently then he remembers finding his way back, and realizes he’s lost.

To make matters worse, a large reptilian appears to be swimming under and around his boat as the sun is starting to drop.

At his wits end, he yells “goddammit im l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you pour Root Beer into a square glass...

Does it become, just, beer?

(Credit to my little sister)

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!"

The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

Why don't dentists like iPhones?

They can't root them.

Danny Devito Is A Senator

One day, in the Senate, a massive meeting is being conducted to discuss the plans for creating a massive railway system that would cut through protected environment areas. Everyone is trying their best to come up with plans to sidestep the reserves:

"Lets build over them!"

"No, that'll...

No matter how old you are or what team you're rooting for, I think we can all agree that every basketball fan looks up to Shaquille O'Neal.

Like literally, you have to look up to him.

Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots

Why would trees be excellent postal workers?

They're always on root.

What is almost the coolest root vegetable of them all?

Radish

A programmer walks into a bar...

He orders 1.000000119 root beers.

The bartender says, “ I’m gonna have to charge you extra, that’s a root beer float.”

The programmer says, “Well in that case make it a double.”

Why girls are evil

Girls cost time and money: time\*money

Wall Street says time is money: money\^{2}

So girls are money squared

The bible says money is the root of all evil: sqrt.money

Evil is the square root of money

money\^{2} = sqrt. money

take the square root of money\^{2}...

A blonde walks into a police station......

......in search for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions first...
Officer: What's 24+45

Blonde: Ummmmm... 69!

Officer: What's the square root of 225?

Blonde: Ummmm... 15!

Officer: Nice! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm......

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make ...

Why are mathematicians always so happy?

Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.

If humans were trees, how deep would the roots be?

Two feet.

I came up with this new idea where you split the square root into pieces.

It’s radical!

The square root of -1 walks into a bar.

The bartender looks on, amazed, and says "This is unreal."

You finish??

A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a...

Why do Trekkies make bad sports fans?

They are always rooting for the Away Team.

What’s a dog’s favorite kind of root beer?

Barq’s

Why did the mangrove tree go to the dentist?

Root canal

Love is real.

Hatred has no real roots.

(This is a math joke)

Why did the band Sepultura have to go to the hairdressers?

Because you could see their roots, bloody roots.

If number 666 is evil,

then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.

How do you stop a fight between two blind men?

Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.

The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay...

..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."

I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."

"They are."

What did the father tree say to his son when he was ready to move out?

Boy, don’t forget your roots.

Two thieves are rooting through a farmer's shed

The farmer sneaks up on the shed and locks the door from the outside trapping the two thieves inside. So he calls the OPP (Ontario Provincial Police) and tells them he has the two thieves locked in his shed and to come and arrest them. The dispatch says that they are really busy and will get there...

An ocean liner is sailing in the North Atlantic and hits an iceberg.

As the ship is sinking, one crewman runs to the ship’s captain and tells him to open the root beer caskets in the ship’s hold.

The captain is confused but has no other options, so he orders all of the ship’s root beer caskets cut open. The root beer floods the hold and the ship slowly stops s...

I love my girlfriend!!

She’s like the square root of -100, a solid ten and doesn’t exist...


*cries in quadratic formula*

If you frick your mom

You’re going back to your roots.

If you're having a hard day but you've got some new plants, think about them.

They're rooting for you.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, assuming for purposes of argument that it is within the power of a woodchuck to chuck wood?

You woodn't believe it, but the woodchuck axeually started his own branch. Experts suggest he took the wrong root to success, however, sapping all growth from the market.

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

I'm rooting for Switzerland in the World Cup.

I don't know much about the team, but their flag is a big plus.

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

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