My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

An absolute 10, but also imaginary.

What’s the square root of 69?

8-something.

I just put my root beer in a square cup.

Now it is just a beer

Why are square roots never sad?

Because they're always positive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

My friend said “you can’t take the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American tourist is on holidays along the west of Ireland, tracing his roots, hiking the many hills and cliffs along the coast. Pausing to enjoy the breathtaking view, amongst all the green he notices a dirty old tractor putt-putt-putting along a country lane...

An American tourist is on holidays along the west of Ireland, tracing his roots, hiking the many hills and cliffs along the coast. Pausing to enjoy the breathtaking view, amongst all the green he notices a dirty old tractor putt-putt-putting along a country lane.

As it comes closer, he notice...

My husband found me rooting through the back of his wardrobe last night......

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Narnia business", I replied.

Girls are like square roots

If they’re under 13, do them in your head

Why were square roots, cubed roots, and other roots arrested during the Red Scare?

They were all radicals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you pour Root Beer into a square glass...

Does it become, just, beer?

(Credit to my little sister)

A programmer walks into a bar...

He orders 1.000000119 root beers.

The bartender says, “ I’m gonna have to charge you extra, that’s a root beer float.”

The programmer says, “Well in that case make it a double.”

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!"

The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

No matter how old you are or what team you're rooting for, I think we can all agree that every basketball fan looks up to Shaquille O'Neal.

Like literally, you have to look up to him.

Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots

Why girls are evil

Girls cost time and money: time\*money

Wall Street says time is money: money\^{2}

So girls are money squared

The bible says money is the root of all evil: sqrt.money

Evil is the square root of money

money\^{2} = sqrt. money

take the square root of money\^{2}...

A blonde walks into a police station......

......in search for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions first...
Officer: What's 24+45

Blonde: Ummmmm... 69!

Officer: What's the square root of 225?

Blonde: Ummmm... 15!

Officer: Nice! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm......

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make ...

What is almost the coolest root vegetable of them all?

Radish

Why are mathematicians always so happy?

Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.

Why did the mangrove tree go to the dentist?

Root canal

Why do Trekkies make bad sports fans?

They are always rooting for the Away Team.

Love is real.

Hatred has no real roots.

(This is a math joke)

You finish??

A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a...

Why did the band Sepultura have to go to the hairdressers?

Because you could see their roots, bloody roots.

I came up with this new idea where you split the square root into pieces.

It’s radical!

What’s a dog’s favorite kind of root beer?

Barq’s

The square root of -1 walks into a bar.

The bartender looks on, amazed, and says "This is unreal."

If humans were trees, how deep would the roots be?

Two feet.

If number 666 is evil,

then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.

How do you stop a fight between two blind men?

Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.

An ocean liner is sailing in the North Atlantic and hits an iceberg.

As the ship is sinking, one crewman runs to the ship’s captain and tells him to open the root beer caskets in the ship’s hold.

The captain is confused but has no other options, so he orders all of the ship’s root beer caskets cut open. The root beer floods the hold and the ship slowly stops s...

I love my girlfriend!!

She’s like the square root of -100, a solid ten and doesn’t exist...


*cries in quadratic formula*

If you frick your mom

You’re going back to your roots.

What did the father tree say to his son when he was ready to move out?

Boy, don’t forget your roots.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, assuming for purposes of argument that it is within the power of a woodchuck to chuck wood?

You woodn't believe it, but the woodchuck axeually started his own branch. Experts suggest he took the wrong root to success, however, sapping all growth from the market.

The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay...

..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."

I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."

"They are."

If you're having a hard day but you've got some new plants, think about them.

They're rooting for you.

Two thieves are rooting through a farmer's shed

The farmer sneaks up on the shed and locks the door from the outside trapping the two thieves inside. So he calls the OPP (Ontario Provincial Police) and tells them he has the two thieves locked in his shed and to come and arrest them. The dispatch says that they are really busy and will get there...

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

I'm rooting for Switzerland in the World Cup.

I don't know much about the team, but their flag is a big plus.

A Winter War joke

A Soviet army is marching through a Finnish forest when a general hears a voice from over a hill shout: "one Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"

The general promptly send 10 soldiers to root out the voice, there is gunfire, and then silence.

After a few minutes, the vo...

What is the square root of Pai?

"To access your calculator's premium features like sine, square and square root, and logarithm, please call to have a contractor install the software"

Little Johnny Back Again...

This time, little Johnny's mother had been noticing that his math grades had been steadily declining. She decided to have a chat with Johnny about his disinterest in math, being more responsible with his studies, and the importance of bringing his grade up.

The next quarter ended- Johnny's re...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.