UPJOKE
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My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I poured my root beer into a square glass...

now I just have beer

[](http://i.imgur.com/FVEqK.jpg)

What is the square root of 69?

8 something

My gf is like the square root of negative one hundred

She's a perfect ten but imaginary

How do you kill a root vegetable?

Cut it’s carroted artery.

What do the square-root of 2 and flat-earthers have in common ?

They're both completely irrational.

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!"

The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

If the number 666 is considered evil

..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month.

Go Bills!

Some people like root vegetables...

Some people don't really carrot all

This is my only pun about root vegetables

but I keep hoping another one will turnip

Today my math teacher taught us how to square root -1

It was unreal

Women Are Like Square Roots

If they're under 25, just do them in your head.

Which guy does cheese always root for?

Volone. The cheese is provolone.

I just joined a gang called square root 2

Because I'm irrational

What’s the square root of Minecraft?

There’s three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On a fine Monday morning Dave the postman was walking around his usual root, delivering mail.

He saw that at the next house both cars were in the driveway, he’s a bit shocked by this but he sees the homeowner, Greg, walking out with a ton of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles to go into the recycling bin.

Dave looks for a moment and then says “We’ll damn, you guys sure had one hell o...

New jokes on this sub are often rated at the square root of -100

They would be a 10, but new jokes here are imaginary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

How do you know if money is the root of all evil?

Isreal and Palestine have been divided by a bank for decades!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

What is the world’s most influential root vegetable?

Rupert Burdock

Who's rooting for the Bengals to win the superbowl more than anyone?

Jared Goff.

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

The new job

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The officer wants to ask her a few questions...

Officer:
\- "What's 2+2"?

Blonde:
\- "Ummmmm... 4!"

Officer:
\- "What's the square root of 100?"

Blonde:...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

The square root of -1 walks into a bar.

The bartender looks on, amazed, and says "This is unreal."

If anyone can teach me a chord that has a root, a minor third, and a perfect fifth

send me a Dm

Do you know what square roots of negative numebrs and your girlfriend have in common?

They're both imaginary.

My best friend told me he was planning on naming his son "Square Root of 2".

Luckily his wife managed to convince him that would be completely irrational.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russian foreign minister, Sergei Lavrov said yesterday that Adolf Hitler had Jewish roots. Historians replied...

"Oooh, So that's why he killed himself..."

Why are square roots never sad?

Because they're always positive.

My friend said “you can’t take the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can

For a change of pace, here's a limerick; "( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0"

Sorry, did that not make any sense?

How about -

>"A dozen, a gross, and a score,
>
>plus three times the square root of four,
>
>divided by seven,
>
>plus five times eleven,
>
>is nine squared and not a bit more."

The root cause of the problem

Patient : The problem is obesity runs in our family

Doc: No, the real problem is no one runs in your family

Why are mathematicians always so happy?

Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.

I tried experimenting on roots

Trying to grow strong plants to survive in harsh environments. I gave one water, and the other steroids.

A root didn't stand a chance against b root strength

What does your long-distance girlfriend who you met on vacation have in common with the square root of -1?

They both are imaginary.

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