My best friend told me he was planning on naming his son "Square Root of 2".

Luckily his wife managed to convince him that would be completely irrational.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

What's the square root of 69?

8 something

Why was the square root of 2 punished?

Because it made irrational decisions.

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month.

Go Bills!

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I poured a can of root beer into a square shaped whiskey glass.

I now have a glass of beer.

What’s the square root of Minecraft?

There’s three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.

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How do you make root beer alcoholic?

Put it in a squared glass.

A goat gets his wish granted by a genie.

He wishes to be turned into a human being.After his transformation, the, now, man is so grateful to the genie.He asks ‟How can I ever repay you?”

The genie just has this request: That the man make the most of his life and live like no man has lived before; love like no man has loved before; a...

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did you hear about the buddhist who refused novocain during a root-canal?

he wanted to transcend dental medication.

A child mathematic walks into a bar

He asks for a root beer in a square cup. He later Sue's the bar for serving alcohol to a child

The Four Witch Covens

There were once four powerful witch covens: the witches of the mountains, the deserts, the forests, and the seas. For a thousand years they made war with one another, casting curses and hexes and bringing all manner of malady to the land in their hatred for one another. One day, they decided the onl...

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What would you do if bear tries to chase you?

one friend asks another.

\- "I would climb a tree."

\- "But bears can climb trees and he goes after you."

\- "Then I would jump into the creek."

\- "But creek is shallow and bear can easily get you in the water."

\- "Then I would run into the cave."

\- "But ...

Joke Johnny Carson slipped by the censors

I'm not sure if this was an original Carson joke or one he could have borrowed:

One night Johnny got to talking about his Nebraska roots and he told this alleged true story during a sketch scene. Johnny mentioned that the most fearsome Indian tribe were not the Sioux, nor the Apache or even ...

Two square roots of nine go into a bedroom...

Together, they have six.

If people in Bangkok had a favorite NFL team, what team would they root for?

The Thai-tans

My gardener is entering his Bonsai plants in a contest this weekend

I’m rooting for him

Rooting for the Dallas Cowboys is the most authentic fan experience in sports.

Just like them, you too can watch the playoffs from the comfort of your couch at home.

My teacher is like 5 but square rooted.

So irrational.

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A man walks into a bar.

He orders a root beer in a square glass.

The bartender just gives him a beer and he doesn't notice.

Today I talked my son about why is he so _negative_...

I discovered that the root of his personality is so _irrational!_

Why are square roots never sad?

Because they're always positive.

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A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

My friend said “you can’t take the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can

Now people that are for and against Donald Trump have something in common.

We're both rooting for a disease.

If you want to learn how to draw superheroes start with Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy

He's just a fancy stick figure

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!"

The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

Why does everyone always drink too much at tree weddings?

Because seeing family reminds them of their roots

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A guy walks into a doctors office

and sits down on the table. The doctor asks him “what’s going on?” The guy says “d-d-doctor, I d-d-don’t know w-w-whats g-g-going on. I c-c-can’t st-st-stop st-st-stuttering!” So the doctor calms him down and says “we’ll need to do a throughout physical examination to see what’s the root cause of th...

Polyamory is wrong!

Either multiamory, or polyphilia, sure.

But mixing Greek and Latin roots? It's just wrong!

How do trees maintain our ecosystem?

Using root access.

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A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

What is almost the coolest root vegetable of them all?

Radish

The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay...

..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."

I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."

"They are."

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An Irishman walks into an American restaurant during the era of prohibition

He asks the waiter "give me a glass of stout to see how it compares to Guinness back home."
The waiter replies "I apologize but alcoholic beverages are illegal in this country, might I offer you a glass of water?"

The Irishman, having heard that this restaurant has a speakeasy in the back ...

FLOAT

Someone asked me to make a root beer float I kindly asked him to go outside, he agreed and I made the root beer and tied some balloons. I still have no idea why he was mad.

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